A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Bandit Camp

[pennywit]

Player 1: "The general wants more watchtowers. The councilor tells us people want more settlements. The Erastil worshipers want a temple in the capital. We can't keep everybody happy!!"

Player 2: "Welcome to politics."

[T.A.U.]

Planning a frontal assault to the Stag Lord Fort, mine players recruited all the possibles NPCs:
Jhod Kavken, Kesten Garess and his 4 men, and a customized npc Paladin they met during one random encounter as a "hunter".
Note: the party (level 4/mythic tier 1) is composed by an Half-elf Oracle of Nature with an horse animal companion, an Half-elf Summoner with his quadruped eidolon (a mix of a boar and a cat), a Catfolk Ranger (archery) with her Tiger animal companion, and a Tiefling Alchemist, so counting their pets they probably would not have had any need a others 7 NPCs...

The alchemist decided to create a big explosion in the fort's main gate: he planned to use his invisibility extract to place a lot of alchemist's fires under the door, and use one of his bombed-arrows to ignites the fires in a big explosion.
I asked him to roll an Int check to know the number of alchemist's fires he need to make a proper explosion, he badly rolled, so I decided he overestimated the number (13 instead of 11). The Oracle's player meta-gaming the bad roll said: "add mine 2 to the count!" Everybody agreed on her suggestion.

So they used their invisibility extracts cover to place a total of 15 flasks under the fort's door, and then used an arrow-bomb to trigger a colossal explosion from a safety distance of 110 ft.
After the dice were rolled, the door got a total of 87 point of damage!
For the rule of cool I decided it was enough to open a big hole in all the northern palisade and also make one of the guards tower to collapse killing the poor bandit upon it.

---

After the big pitched battle, when the alchemist found a part of the Stag Lord treasure he said: I'll invest ALL those money to buy ONLY alchemist's fires!

[Gabrielle]

The party goes to the Mud Bowl in the Greenbelt to get black rattlecaps for the Old Beldame.

Druid: I'll summon a turtle to go into the mud and pick mushrooms for us.

Wizard: What self-respecting turtle would go wading into toxic mud?

Druid: Good thing the spell doesn't say "summon *self-respecting* turtle."

----

[NERVchild]

In the middle of the night, an unfriendly druid summons an animal to fight the party. While they're concentrating on the Axe Beak, she flies above the elf magus and drops a summoned poisonous frog on him. Nat 20 to bite his ear and deliver poison. He pulls it from his ear, then his turn comes up.
Magus: I crush the frog and cast a spell.
GM: That's two standard actions.
Magus: Spell combat. It's like two-weapon fighting.
GM: You do realize you just dual-wielded with a frog.

[pennywit]

Previous session: An attacker polymorphed the magister into a pigeon. The magister used the form to visit the kingdom's enemies (a troll/goblin settlement) and spy on them. At the end of that session, he was still a pigeon.

Most recent session: At opening, I briefly narrate for the druid a boogeyman (recurring character) who visited the druid to do some foreshadowing. In true boogeyman fashion, he showed up by coming in through the druid's closet.

Current session: Pigeon-wizard arrives at druid's window for a dispel magic. The two players hammed it up a little bit, to the entertainment of the table.

Druid: "I have the Profession (cook) skill. I'm going to get some water boiling."

Later, after the wizard has returned to normal:

Druid: "Be careful. There's a monster in my closet."

=======================================

Ruler's player has been absent for a couple sessions. She came back at most recent session to find a rather enlarged kingdom, and a tart letter from the Swordlords of Restov demanding reparations after the barbarian carried cursed armor into Restov. (Long, long story there)

Ruler: "What were you guys doing while I was gone??"

=======================================

Druid, a dwarf, visiting dance hall in capital to investigate some deaths: "Yes, I'd like a 'private dance.' Do you have any dwarf women with beards?"

Slight RRR spoiler:

When he found his "private dance" was with the Dancing Lady (again, long story there), makes his save vs. her dance: "You know, you're good, but you'd be a lot better if you had a beard."

========================================

Players, reviewing Kingdom Reports: "Everybody wants something. Temples. Monuments. A new city."

GM: "Almost like it's politics, isn't it?"

[pennywit]

As GM shows players the map (from map folio) of lands west of the players' kingdom, wherein lies Fort Drelev (and one of the other groups chartered to settle the Stolen Lands.)

Quoth the Magister, upon seeing the Slough: "Their lake is bigger than ours!"

[Orthos]

Yeah but your swamp is also smaller. =)

[pennywit]

GM: "You are currently a pigeon, so you can't use detect magic."
Wizard: "I don't need Detect Magic to know that a giant red crystal tree is magical."

[Vivificient]

My players captured the bandits at Oleg's very quickly, without killing any of them. From interrogating one of them, they learned that they all served a Stag Lord that none of them had ever met, about their camp, and so on.

When Happs woke up, they failed in their intimidate checks, so he refused to tell them anything more. So then the party rogue, a wild light coming into his eye, pushes the others aside and says, "Well done! You have passed my test of loyalty. It is I... the Stag Lord!"

He rolls bluff, and gets a natural 20 (of course). I figure the bluff is far-fetched (-10) but not impossible, since he's a human with the brigand trait, and none of the bandits have met the Stag Lord. Happs rolls terribly on his sense motive (of course), so he ends up falling for it.

The players quickly take advantage of the situation. The "Stag Lord" gives the now very confused bandits instructions that they must go capture Kressle, because she been scheming against him. Then they set them loose and off they go.

I'm going to have a lot of fun playing up the results of this...

[pennywit]

Oh, dear lord. I think this is worth rewarding your characters with a cut scene, wherein Haps and Kressle, both disheveled, report back to a facepalming Akiros. Yes, it gives them a little OOC knowledge, but the comedy's worth it.

[Lee Hanna]

{Applause}

[Vivificient]

Further adventures with creative characters:

The players enter an "empty" hex, and they don't get a random encounter, so I decide they meet a flock of lost sheep so there's at least something for them to put on the map.

GM: There's about twenty sheep, wandering unattended on the plain.

Inquisitor: Have we seen any shepherds they could belong to?

GM: No, you haven't. Based on their wool, they haven't been shorn in a long time.

Inquisitor: Excellent, an opportunity to use my Profession (Shepherd) skill!

GM: ...your what?

Inquisitor: We round them up and bring them back to Oleg's. 17!

GM: Okay, you round up the sheep. And you'd all like to go back to Oleg's now with them?

Party: Yep, sounds good, don't want the sheep to get lost again.

GM: Okay... (makes series of rolls for wandering monsters, gets nothing) And you are able to shepherd them safely back to Oleg's a day later. Now, I think sheep are a trade good, so you should be able to sell them for full price. Does anyone have the trade goods table?

Monk: Yes, here it is. Sheep are worth 2 gp each.

GM: All right. Oleg should be able to put you in contact with a shepherd from Brevoy who would be interested to buy them, so 20 sheep at 2 gp each makes...

Monk: Hey, look. Wool is worth 6 gp per pound.

Inquisitor: You said they haven't been shorn in a long time, right?

GM: Yyyyyyes...

Inquisitor: I use my profession (shepherd) skill to shear the sheep before we sell them!

GM: Okay... Um... how much wool is there on a sheep?

Wizard: (googling) About ten pounds per sheep.

GM: So ten pounds per sheep... six gold per pound... twenty sheep...

Inquisitor: Plus 40 gold from selling the sheep after!

(So glad I didn't say there were 200 sheep! Although really, I have to wonder if it's an error that wool is worth more to the pound than silver...)

[T.A.U.]

So, mine version of the Mythic Staglord had a magic ring as extra loot, one crafted by an hair of our beloved Green Queen...
Now they are leveling up their mythic characters to Tier 2, and the summoner player asked me via mail:
"Can I take that ring as mine bounded legendary item?"
I replied him "Sure, why not?"

He is still thinking about other options, but choosing to bound himself to that particular ring, and so to the BBEG, could be pretty hilarious for the future of the campaign.

[T.A.U.]

The party is currently involved in a formal reception in the House of the Lord Mayor of Restov.
They are looking for some sponsors, to gain some BP for their new Kingdom (we are at the beginning of RRR)

After meeting all the major Noble Houses of Brevoy and establishing some diplomatic negotiation, the players are looking for their neighbor kingdoms' representatives to see if they can do the same.

Oracle: "We can meet Lord Maegar Varn or the Baron Drelev"
Ranger: "Let's meet this Lord Megawatt!"

[Vivificient]

One of our characters fell in the Thorn River and was at risk of drowning. After several other plans fell through, the other characters decide to quickly tie a rope to the cavalier's pony and make him jump off the cliff into the river.

Cleric: It's funny, because a few minutes ago when we talked about making the horse walk off the cliff we meant it as a bad idea, and now it's the best plan we have!

(The rickety bridge hex has now supplanted the bear trap hex as my favourite hex.)

[pennywit]

Our wizard/magister, a devout follower of Calistria, was absent in our last December session for out-of-game reasons.

At our first January session, he returned to find the kingdom had recruited an army of paladins of Erastil.

"Is this what you do while I'm gone??"

[pennywit]

Party wizard lets lose a fireball inside a barn filled with rat swarms.

GM: "The barn is now on fire."
Alchemist: "That spell was a real barn-burner."

===========

After completing Realm of the Fellnight Queen, I handed out my usual "Kingdom Reports" to the players:

Spoiler:

Player: "We just killed a fairy queen, and now we have to go to a meeting?"

============

GM: "The ambassador from Restov has invited you to a party."
Players look at GM suspiciously.
GM: "It's not like fairies are going to try to kill you at EVERY party."

===========
In a letter, the Swordlords of Restov, having seen Maegar Varn's failure to pacify the Nomen centaurs, call on the PCs to go take care of it.

Players, to ambassador: "If we do this, we want Maegar Varn to be OUR vassal from now on."

[Vivificient]

In my campaign I decided to replace some of the mites at the Old Sycamore with stronger gremlins, to keep things interesting. In the common room encounter, I happened to replace the two gremlins playing guitar with nuglubs. When I describe their long, greasy black hair:

Cleric: Oh no! Gremlin rock stars!

The two nuglubs promptly run up and use their Shocking Grasp attack.

Monk: Ouch!
Cleric: Watch out! They have electric guitars!

The fire cleric shoots off her burning hands wand, killing all the weaker gremlins and leaving only the two nuglubs.

Cleric: Whew! We got all the groupies!

[the David]

Vivificient wrote:

(So glad I didn't say there were 200 sheep! Although really, I have to wonder if it's an error that wool is worth more to the pound than silver...)

You know, that was probably the price of spun wool.

Vivificient wrote:

My players captured the bandits at Oleg's very quickly, without killing any of them. From interrogating one of them, they learned that they all served a Stag Lord that none of them had ever met, about their camp, and so on.

When Happs woke up, they failed in their intimidate checks, so he refused to tell them anything more. So then the party rogue, a wild light coming into his eye, pushes the others aside and says, "Well done! You have passed my test of loyalty. It is I... the Stag Lord!"

He rolls bluff, and gets a natural 20 (of course). I figure the bluff is far-fetched (-10) but not impossible, since he's a human with the brigand trait, and none of the bandits have met the Stag Lord. Happs rolls terribly on his sense motive (of course), so he ends up falling for it.

The players quickly take advantage of the situation. The "Stag Lord" gives the now very confused bandits instructions that they must go capture Kressle, because she been scheming against him. Then they set them loose and off they go.

I'm going to have a lot of fun playing up the results of this...

And this just asks for a mini adventure with the PCs playing the bandits as they capture Kressle.

[Vivificient]

the David wrote:

You know, that was probably the price of spun wool.

...oh. That... makes a lot of sense.

the David wrote:

And this just asks for a mini adventure with the PCs playing the bandits as they capture Kressle.

Ah, that might have been fun! It didn't occur to me at the time, since we were still just starting out with the main characters. And it's all wrapped up and done with now...

[T.A.U.]

Party is speaking of various NPCs they have in the Kingdom and what role they can do in the kingdom.

Summoner - Magister: "What about father Kraken?" (meaning instead Jhod Kavken)
Oracle - Ruler: "That bastard?!?" (meaning another NPC, a bastard of Lodovka)
Ranger - : "he is not so bad!" (meaning Jhod Kavken too)

After realizing what was the confusion I said: "He is speaking of Jhod Kavken, not Kraken"

Summoner: "from now on he will be named Kraken!"

me (GM): "So you will have 2 Kraken in your kingdom"

Summoner: "no problem with this!"

me (joking) "2 krakens, and your capital is on the shore of the lake... this means an automatic Total Kingdom Kill!"

[pennywit]

Vordakai (casts dominate person on wizard): "Show the mortals the consequences of opposing Vordakai!!!!"

The wizard player began looking at his notes and grinning.

Druid: "DISPEL MAGIC!!!!"

The wizard player looked so disappointed after the dispel check succeeded.

[Vivificient]

The players have some relatively repentant bandit prisoners, and are trying to decide how to reintegrate them into society.

Cavalier: Hmm... I might be able to make room for a squire.

Rogue: Actually, I wouldn't mind an assistant around my shop.

Wizard: We're not hiring all the bandits!

[Lee Hanna]

This last is funny, considering I just finished reading a biography, one of the subject's political mantras was that "the best social program is a job".

[pennywit]

IMC, Maegar Varn, the players' neighbor, has a son who is (at this moment) about 15. I haven't fleshed out the character too much, but Lord Varn made it pretty clear he'd like to see his son marry the PC ruler. The wizard has starting referring to Varn's kid as "(the Ruler's) future ex-husband."

[pennywit]

In one session, a PC died, so they took his body (Gentle Reposed) to Restov for a raise dead. The temple of Abadar agreed to bring the PC back ... but wanted the players to build a temple to Abadar in their capital, in addition to paying for the spell. My players complied.

A couple sessions later, when confronting a powerful foe:

Treasurer: "Be careful!! We can't afford to build another temple!"

[pennywit]

My players were assaulting a rather large army of large undead, and had persuaded the kobolds of Sootscale to send along a good-sized army. When they were camped out on the Dunsward, I decided that in lieu of wandering monsters, I'd do a wandering Plot Twist. I laid three Plot Twist cards down in front of my players, and asked them to choose one. It came up: BACKSTABBED!! The kobold general demanded some extra BP from the players as a bribe to keep fighting. After discussing it, the players said no. So, off marched the kobolds. Then, one player produced his own Plot Twist card: SCHADENFREUDE. "Wouldn't it be tragic," he said, "if the kobold army encountered some undead they couldn't handle on their way back to their caverns?"

[Lee Hanna]

Last Saturday's game featured the final half of Armag's tomb. During the fight with the skeletal champions, some were up on the ledge, shooting down at the PCs. When the PC barbarian jumped & climbed up the wall, she faced down one of the skeletons while standing next to the edge. The skeleton attempted to Bull Rush her back off the ledge... and rolled a 1.
"He lunges out you with outstretched arms, but his shove falls short. He looks embarrassed, and lamely attempts to impress you with Jazz Hands."

Cue the Achmed the Dead Terrorist quotes. "I keel you!"

[pennywit]

My player had a meeting with the Big V at last session. Player remarks were funny:

"He talks about himself in the third person. That's never good."

====
The Big V: "You could join me. Imagine eternal youth. Imagine an eternity to gather and knowledge. You would be princes and princesses of the night. You will live forever."

Players: "That sounds good, how will it work?"

Big V: "To live, first, you must die."

Wizard: "Yeah, that dying part. That's not fun."

[The Doomkitten]

I just recently started a Kingmaker campaign, and a nugget of gold recently emerged:

Most of our players have left for various reasons (not for the campaign, the session), leaving the Kitsune Ninja and the Half-Orc barbarian. Right from the start, there has been friction between the two, but that isn't the subject of this little subject of hilarity.

They happened upon the radish patch, as well as the kobolds. The kitsune, being CG, decided to try to reason with them. I ruled that they were rather belligerent and somewhat high on the moon radishes, and they staggered to their feet, drawing their weapons to protect the radishes.

Here's what the kitsune tried to do: "I try to Bluff."

Me: "Saying what?"

K: "That they'll explode if they eat too many radishes."

Me: "The DC will be epicly high, you know."

K: "What's to lose?"

He rolled his Bluff check, and... 20 on the die. My jaw dropped.

I ruled that the kobolds believed it, and the results were hilarious.

They handed over the radishes willingly and ran away to tell Chief Sootscale how the pinkbellies saved their lives.

[pennywit]

On the arrival of an ambassador from Pitax:

Ambassador: "I represent Castruccio Irovetti, King of Pitax, Lord of all he surveys."

Player: "When somebody says he's 'Lord of all he surveys'" that's not good.

====================
When confronting Vordakai:

Vordakai (casting a domination spell): "You, queen of an insignificant realm, turn on your fellows."

Baroness (making her Will save): "That's BARONESS of an insignificant realm."

=====================

Players study the map, looking at Restov:

GM (who knows that look): "Guys, if you want to have a war with Brevoy, we can do that. But give me a little warning first, OK?"

=====================

Players (with secondary PCs), are investigating grain thefts in a side adventure.

Kobold alchemist raider throws an explosive bomb at a crowd of people who are have come to see why the granary is on fire. Crowd panics, many of them on fire.

Dwarven cleric of Caiden: "All of ye. Stop, drop, and roll!!"

(Cleric fails his Intimidate check miserably)

Crowd: (Panic, panic panic)

Cleric: "All of ye are useless!!"

========================

As raid encounter is finishing up, one player reflects on it:

"People are on fire, the granary is on fire. The paladin ties up helpless kobolds. The cleric yells at people while they burn. And the chaotic witch who hates everybody actually puts out the fire!!"

[Orthos]

pennywit wrote:

My players were assaulting a rather large army of large undead, and had persuaded the kobolds of Sootscale to send along a good-sized army. When they were camped out on the Dunsward, I decided that in lieu of wandering monsters, I'd do a wandering Plot Twist. I laid three Plot Twist cards down in front of my players, and asked them to choose one. It came up: BACKSTABBED!! The kobold general demanded some extra BP from the players as a bribe to keep fighting. After discussing it, the players said no. So, off marched the kobolds. Then, one player produced his own Plot Twist card: SCHADENFREUDE. "Wouldn't it be tragic," he said, "if the kobold army encountered some undead they couldn't handle on their way back to their caverns?"

Okay, I've heard nothing but good about these cards.

EDIT: Apparently this is where you buy them. Shows me for asking before searching. =)

[pennywit]

Orthos wrote:

pennywit wrote:

My players were assaulting a rather large army of large undead, and had persuaded the kobolds of Sootscale to send along a good-sized army. When they were camped out on the Dunsward, I decided that in lieu of wandering monsters, I'd do a wandering Plot Twist. I laid three Plot Twist cards down in front of my players, and asked them to choose one. It came up: BACKSTABBED!! The kobold general demanded some extra BP from the players as a bribe to keep fighting. After discussing it, the players said no. So, off marched the kobolds. Then, one player produced his own Plot Twist card: SCHADENFREUDE. "Wouldn't it be tragic," he said, "if the kobold army encountered some undead they couldn't handle on their way back to their caverns?"

Okay, I've heard nothing but good about these cards.

EDIT: Apparently this is where you buy them. Shows me for asking before searching. =)

They can be fun. One thing that's really satisfying is that when I do a "wandering" plot twist, I lay three cards face down in front of one of the players. Whatever happens, the players know the twist was chosen with THEIR OWN HAND. It's like a dice roll on steroids.

[pennywit]

We are currently in between book 3 and book 4. At last session, on Castruccio Irovetti, King of Pitax, Lord of All He Surveys, dropped on on my players to say hello. Specifically, a court wizard teleported him in. Irovetti didn't do anything threatening. He just wanted permission to go pray at the Temple of Erastil.

Cue major freak-out from the wizard:

Wizard: "He just teleported in!!"
GM: "You know, there are ways to ward against teleporting .. "
Wizard: "But I can't protect the whole kingdom!!! It's too big!!!!"
Another player: "Well, you're the one who wanted us to keep claiming hexes ... "

[pennywit]

Still between 3 and 4. My players never claimed the Forgotten Keep hex, so Pitax moved in, sending a garrison to rebuild the place and claim it to help preserve trade.

Recent email from the duchess:

"And I really want to do something about the forgotten keep before they troops there get too ingrained. Like I said, I am thinking the route to take is overwhelm them with kindness... bring out the plate of official dutchy cookies or something and try to make them "our" people (so to speak)."

[pennywit]

Two PCs recently died in the City of Golden Death. For replacements, one player is looking at a Brawler (shield champion). He has referred to this character as Captain (Kingdom). Meanwhile, the other player, considering a monk, writes, "Just call me Brother Bucky."

[pennywit]

IMC, I've rewritten Irovetti as a rogueish sort who offers the PCs some helpful advice in dealing with Drelev and other things that come up. In his letters to the PCs, he's prone to parodying formality (the last letter included both "yadda yadda yadda" and "blah blah blah").

Recent session:

Duchess: "I still think he's evil, but I like him!"

[pennywit]

My players realized their kingdom has a low Loyalty score; they need to roll a natural 24 to make a Loyalty check. So, they're looking at ways to up it. They went through all the buildings and noted bonuses available. Then they asked about the ruling council. I let them know that a co-ruler could increase Loyalty if that co-ruler had a high Cha.

The Duchess's player: "Well, my character is 20 now, so it's about time for her to get married."

And then, when they encountered a young noblewoman seeking help for her father, they asked, "Well ... is your father cute? Is he interested in getting married?"

[T.A.U.]

In mine Kobold-maker spin-off one of mine players is a kobold Kensai wanna be Aldori Swordlord. His players is a fan of Game of Thrones, so when he was training with Anjeschka Penya (noble NPC, tomboy girl wanna be Swordlady too) he started saying:

"What did we say to Pharasma? Not today!"

[pennywit]

Another:

"Every kingdom needs a Dovan!!"

[T.A.U.]

Players are leveling up to level 5:

Baroness Oracle of Nature player said: "I take Spirit's Gift as a new Feat."
GM: "Fine, what do you intend to do with it?"
Baroness: "Well, Maximus (her's horse animal companion) can now speak 6 Languages (her's Cha bonus), and with his 18 in Strength, I think we have found our new Royal Executioner!"

[T.A.U.]

Players dealing with 2 Surtova's delegations (one from the King, the other from his sister) about Lady Donatra Kerelov's pregnancy (she is baring a potential heir of Brevoy is able to marry the king)

Tiefling Alchemist / Treasurer:
"I knew it was going to happend, bigger is the kingdom biggers are the political headaches!"

After a few minutes of discussion:
"You know, we have enough resources in the treasury to restart our kingdom elsewhere... away from those noble petty politician!"

[pennywit]

I sprung the Donara Kerelov plotline on my players during a visit from Noleski Surtova and his sister. They married Lady Kerelov off to Tenareus Varn, the teenage heir to Varnhold and their fosterling. That way, Lady Kerelov's child will "officially" be the child of Varn, rather than of Noleski Surtova.

[GM T.A.U.]

About Donatra I made mine players feel like this was a no-win scenario:
a) Have the King himself remember that you denied him a rightful heir (a big threat for the future when the Civil War will began and he will be leading the army to the south = near the PC Kingdom's border)
vs
b) have the "Queen-sister" be no more a Queen, and gain a dangerous enemy, and in the meantime ruin the plans of House Lebeda of having their daughter be the Queen (and Lebeda are the kingdom's mayor commercial partners due to a Treaty Edict.)

In this way they are building their own creative way out of this scenario. And currently they are going to propose lady Donatra to seek asylum from House Garess instead. (IMC the Garess are some kind of "Swiss" faction, neutral with all the rest of the Big Houses)

[pennywit]

Nice. I kind of threw Kerelov at my players as a monkeywrench in a plotline involving Noleski Surtova's visit to the kingdom. I hit my Kerelov (and Noleski's obvious affection for her), a Swordlord political plot, House Surtova's insecurities, Noleski's sister making trouble with the infant daughter of an NPC Council member (who was a usually gentle paladin of Erastil who nearly flipped out at the queen over it), negotiations over the status of the PCs' kingdom, and an old NPC adversary's attempt to assassinate Noleski and stir tensions between the PCs, the Swordlords, and House Surtova.

I think out of the whole thing, my players' favorite part was Telobere, Noleski's gnome "jester" who was actually a powerful wizard and had a fondness for tea.

[pennywit]

Shadow Fey rake, near death, last int he encounter, fighting the PC duchess and the rest of the party. He brandishes his rapier: "If I am to fall to the bearer of the lonely blade, I die knowing she needed her allies to best me!"

Duchess: "I'm OK with that!"

[pennywit]

As my party prepared to infiltrate Fort Drelev after fairies have taken over:

GM: "And now we're going to have something we almost never have."

Every single player stared at me, and the barbarian's player looked nervous.

GM: "No, no, a powerful fey that tries to kill you is normal. We're going to have a dungeon crawl."

[T.A.U.]

My Party finally decided to move and explore the southern part of the Green Belt. They met the Worg and annihilate him with his pet wolves, then the next day they found the lonely barrow.

Yakov (Alchemist/Treasurer): "So it's a barrow, but who cares of the necromancy inscriptions outside it, we can move on..."
Johanna (Oracle/Baroness): "We have a deal with the Church of Pharasma that we must wipe out all undead signs in our kingdom."
Yakov: "But this is NOT our kingdom!"
Johanna: "We always carry with us our border sign, even if we have not YET claimed it this IS our kingdom!"
GM (thinking): *The same thing Irovetti did... mad minds thinks alike*

[Vivificient]

Lost in the woods, the party hears shouting and stumbles across the confrontation between Melianse the nixie and the band of loggers led by Corax. I describe the scene and start acting out some of the argument.

Corax: It's impossible for a man to make an honest living anymore, with these accursed fey always interfering!
Melianse: You had no right to fell these trees! They had grown here for two hundred years!

At this point, I turn to the players and ask what they do. There is a pause. The party has sold logging rights for this hex to the Gronzi Lumber Consortium, so they don't really want to interfere. At last, the player playing Akiros takes the lead.

Akiros: Um... Does anyone know the way to the Temple of the Elk?

The scene continues a bit. Corax tries to get the PCs on his side.

Corax: Come here and lend us aid! This wicked creature has put a curse on two of my men!
Akiros: Sorry, this land is outside our jurisdiction.
Corax: I don't need your jurisdiction! We have the right to capture or exterminate any fey who interfere with our logging work!
Akiros: Oh, all right. Go ahead!

Corax does. Violent combat ensues. The players stand on the sidelines, cracking jokes and taking bets on who will win.

Godev (the party's sorcerer and magister): It sure feels odd to be having a combat where we're not involved.
Akiros: I hope whoever wins can give us directions to the Temple of the Elk.

Combat continues. Corax wounds Melianse with arrows, while she kills most of the other loggers. At length, Godev starts to feel uneasy.

Godev: This doesn't feel very heroic, not intervening. Don't you think we should do something?
Other Players: We spend the round arguing about it.
Godev: No, I feel compelled to do something. ... I cast Eldritch Smackdown on the head logger.

"Eldritch Smackdown" is Godev's signature spell. It is really Magic Missile combined with the Tripping Spell metamagic feat. The spell succeeds and Corax is knocked prone.

Kreesh (the party wizard and treasurer): Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. I cast hideous laughter on him while he's down.

Corax is swiftly killed. The last remaining logger tries to flee from the scene. Akiros charges him and kills him in one hit.

Akiros: I guess I'm never going to be a Paladin again.

[Vivificient]

While exploring, the party got in a fight with a bear, and ended up knocking it out instead of killing it.

The cavalier wanted to heal it and let it go, because it had only attacked the party to defend its cubs. But the inquisitor wanted to put it down, because it had almost eaten the wizard. They all started trying to intimidate each other and use combat manoeuvres to keep each other away from the unconscious body.

It was starting to look for a few minutes like the whole party might turn on itself. But finally, the sorcerer settled the fight by suggesting a reasonable compromise: take the bear back to the capital and make it stand trial.

So today was the day when my players arrested a bear.