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Just another pat on the back... Not only did I vote for this item each time it came up, but I immediately stole it and dropped it into my current campaign.
The characters were supposed to use it to raise a sunken ship (complete with undead sailors), but my players are impossible to predict and they skipped the encounter! I'm saving this for later though.
Kudos and well deserved.
This item was my favorite during the voting period! This is just so awesome! Really glad it made Top32! It was my Top1~.
Congratulations James, Good luck with your archetype!!
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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This, frankly, was my favorite item that I saw in voting. And like Clark said, when I saw the title, I nearly voted it down immediately - because it was a map item.
After reading the description, that is where I truly became impressed. The abilities, for one, were creative, slightly quirky, and interesting. But the fact that the description was succinct, interesting, and yet not over the word limit, considering what the item does.
And as others have said, the fact that the description gave me pause, and overcame my own prejudices at the title itself, that is what made this item Superstar, in my opinion.
Congratulations.
I could see an entire adventure centered around locating different versions of this item, instead of a generic island with benefits its a mixed bag with a dungeon. Function puts the dungeon on a timer, a retreat may well mean you have to locate the map and recast it over again!
As I've said before, I am currenly playing in the Skull and Shackles adventure path...Well done in my opinon!
This item fits beautifully into any nautical-theme game. Great idea and has the perfect pirate flavor: The map runs away!
Who doesn't need a convienent island when lost at sea?
=)
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I can see my players loving this, that's good.
...actually i can see my players trying to sell the island to a rich npc, invisibly retrieving the map when the island sinks, moving on to the next town and repeating the process, that's not so cool.
Not my type of item, but congrats anyways.
This item was in my personal Top32.
Love the 'float' away.
Like others when I saw this I first went, "A WHAT?" Then I started comparing it to the item next to it, and all the items I had voted up and down prior to seeing the map and thought, "But this is COOL" Up voted a few times. Good Luck in round 2.
Congratulations James,
I admit I came here almost first because of Clark's tease... and forgot to leave a comment. I really like the feel of this one, cinematic (if that word has not been thrown around too much lately :) and still strong mechanics. I have the same mechanical issues with resources and SIAC as above, but I liked the high DC recovery option--neatly balanced. Building buried treasure into the item would have been terrible, leave that for the GMs.
Good luck in the future rounds.
As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.
These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.
Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.
I start your review with…
Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!
Review Breakdown:
Template: 4/5
Hungry! Hmmm what’s this… this is an example of perfection without seeing the wood for the trees – Template Fu gleefully points at the missing semicolon after the spell in the last line, *munch*, yes, you may kick yourself now!
Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.
Template curls up asleep, nothing to see here, move along now…
Readability: 5/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.
Passive Sentences 25% (a good pass on this, just be aware going forwards)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).
Flesch Reading Ease 65.6 (again, this is good for me)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 8.2 (spot on! And excellent round for you.)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e,g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)
Me as a Designer Review: 4/5
Right, on first glance, I think you have covered your bases really well, this might be a short one. Let’s go…
The main power of the item makes me wonder about the name, not because it says map, but for me the item is all about the island. Some island related name for me would have been far more exciting on my character sheet than a map. (But I’m rubbish at naming so you can have that with a pinch of salt if you like).
One bit that you missed for me, and this was a real think to realize this. You have the right idea, being out to sea at least a mile, but for me, I would also have wanted a minimum depth to avoid problems with low depth due to sand banks, shallows, coral reefs and the like. It is very minor but would have made the tightness 100% for me.
Due to the nature of the item, it is kind of targeting being adrift, lost at sea, becalmed and so on. So I probably wouldn’t have had a random number of rounds. The island is an island and will always take n rounds to surface would have been sufficient and less work for the players/gm when the item is used.
You also use old school –ft on your measurements – look at other items – they don’t do that now 5 feet not 5-ft is what you need to look for. This is true of most things, when you write something, look at it, have you seen similar elsewhere in the rules, find it and compare – are you being consistent with the rules. Your employer(s) will expect a high degree of consistency with his(their) rules. Be aware of this and always check when you are not sure.
Casting is throwing, unlikely though it is, I think even as a free action it does provoke attacks of opportunity unless you say otherwise in your item. You may have considered this, but for the benefit of others, I chose to note it.
The flow is very good, description, core power, end of effect, closure. Spot on, this was an easy to scan item and nicely done.
OK, a lot of writing about writing but that said, the design is quite tight. I think I will only dock the one point here, just to encourage you to review more often as I think you might have spotted the ft -> feet change needed and might have thought about the time to sink raise (the sink time could have simply been the same as the time to rise rather than another roll).
Overall Impression: 5/5
Almost perfect use of the template – just one more review and I think you would have had it.
Not really a lot more to say, cool power, can’t be abused (ok, maybe on a coastal adventure, you could once a month, row out, throw map, free supplies everyone, and row back, but that’s not really a big deal).
I think this might be the first max score on this category and you only lost points elsewhere due to that pesky template and revision of your work – so close to 25/25. Please, you may kick yourself as often as you like ;)
Final Score: 23/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.
If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!
Closing, as I started…
Congratulations on being selected!
I got Fued! It didn't hurt half as much as I thought it would. Sorry I couldn't feed you more, you adorable green vulture beaked thing. By all means come back in round two for seconds.
I really loved this item. One of aspects that I enjoyed was that, while the item is a map, it isn't used for finding anything other than itself. That's neat. Also, the part about how the map floats away at the end is fun - enough mechanics provided so that it isn't pure suggested-usage fluff.
I'm also curious as to what would happen if you bury treasure on the island... does it stay buried (making the island, over time, an awesome treasure trove), or does it float away when the island breaks up?
If I used this in a campaign, I'd be tempted to populate the island with some manner of creepy, mysterious indigenous creatures - maybe Unseen Servants/Invisible Stalkers on vacation...
Great work. Congrats!
maybe Unseen Servants/Invisible Stalkers on vacation...
Hmmm, cool idea. Good Man Friday's footsteps appearing in the sand before your very eyes, except the toes are taloned and the tracks are heading your way!
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If I used this in a campaign, I'd be tempted to populate the island with some manner of creepy, mysterious indigenous creatures - maybe Unseen Servants/Invisible Stalkers on vacation...
*cough* smoke monster *cough*
RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka burrahobbit
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Hi James. Congratulations on making the Top 32! This item came up for me a few times during voting and I upvoted it every time, because it's just so darn cool. One of my favorite things about RPGs are those items, monsters, and locations that just set the wheels spinning for coming up with adventures, and this surely does that. Best of luck next round; I'll look forward to seeing your archetype!
The main thing I like about this entry is that I never would have thought of it. Anytime you can surprise the reader, then your entry has mojo.