You just survived a cataclysm, What's your excuse?


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The Exchange

OK so a Hurricane/Megacyclone/whatever has just rolled through your town wiping out every one but you. Next day a News crew from some other town show up and ask you why you think you and you alone were spared.

What is your answer to the news hungry billions watching?


"I hid under a table."

"I just got here, where is everyone?"

"I didn't eat them!"

"There were a lot of FEMA trucks here yesterday, they were rounding people up and killing them, so I hid..."

"You're NEXT! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

"The angels have fangs!"

"God told me I need to live..."


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Who are you and what are you doing in my house?!
*waves cane*


"Well, that probably depleted my luck for the next thousand years or so..."


yellowdingo wrote:

OK so a Hurricane/Megacyclone/whatever has just rolled through your town wiping out every one but you. Next day a News crew from some other town show up and ask you why you think you and you alone were spared.

What is your answer to the news hungry billions watching?

My life clearly didn't suck badly enough without the complete destruction of my home and loved ones. I blame the writers of Glee and the executives that cancelled Angel.

Lantern Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Hmm... It's a toss-up between:

"Because I'm Batman!" or "I am a leaf on the wind."

Silver Crusade

Remember Harrison Ford's interview in Bruno?

Pretty much that.

Dark Archive

2 people marked this as a favorite.

It's because of those darn heterosexuals, breeding all over the place! Well, that's what you get for overpopulating the Earth, you know. Nature is cruel mistress.


I sure hope the insurance policy covers my lost house and possessions :-)


You know how Bruce Lee said we should be like water? Well, I can't remember being water, but I do <gesture to my groin area> remember involuntarily attempting to be like urine.


6 people marked this as a favorite.

"Well, you see that weather wasn't natural, it was caused by a war between Summer and Winter, and one of the Queens tapped me to investigate some goings on- oh, why? I'm a wizard, check the phone book- hey, where are you going?"

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure Subscriber

Ooh, i think i had drank too much yesterday, was like the whole world was sppinin'

Dark Archive

"I have evasion for my two levels of rogue I took, just passed the reflex save by rolling a 20"

Shadow Lodge

"I just woke up. What do you want? ... Whoa what happened out here?"


"Behold, for I am the Chosen One!"

Dark Archive

"Oh, please. Like you guys never had to run really fast to the restroom"

Lantern Lodge

"You guys are not going to believe what happened out here!"


Scintillae wrote:
"Well, you see that weather wasn't natural, it was caused by a war between Summer and Winter, and one of the Queens tapped me to investigate some goings on- oh, why? I'm a wizard, check the phone book- hey, where are you going?"

ROTFL. Cool.


"I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS"

Shadow Lodge

"Pretty impressive huh?"


That was truly the greatest sex I ever had.


irony

Sovereign Court

I wasn't spared I was just saved for later.


Severed Ronin wrote:
"I am a leaf on the wind."

I'd go with this one.


The same reason that third pig survived the wolf.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

Well, I got locked in the vault somehow and when I got out everything was like this!


5 people marked this as a favorite.

Because...there can be only one.


~YAWNS~ I slept well. ~looks around~ Wow! That was SOME party!


3 people marked this as a favorite.

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along
And now you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd've known for just one second you'd back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
('cause) you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,
I will survive. Hey hey.
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart,
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me somebody new
I'm not that chained up little girl who's still in love with you,
And so you felt like droppin' in
And just expect me to be free,
Now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me
Go on now...

Lantern Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:
Severed Ronin wrote:
"I am a leaf on the wind."
I'd go with this one.

That was my initial thought, but anyone else who's watched How It Should Have Ended will know exactly why I believe "Because I'm Batman," comes in a strong second.


edit: opps, memory failure, Gloria Gaynor is a ZOMBIE!


~looks around~ It appears that my rain dance got a little out of hand.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

"I dunno. I was kinda hoping for the zombie apocalypse. 'Cause THAT would be AWESOME!"


Haladir wrote:

"I dunno. I was kinda hoping for the zombie apocalypse. 'Cause THAT would be AWESOME!"

The hardest part of a zombie apocalypse is pretending not to be excited.


I was wearing my windbreaker.

Shadow Lodge

"Hey guys, guess what?! Magic is real!!"


It was the Orthoi apocalypse. An Orthos loose on the world is bad enough, but Orthoi? ~shudders in fear~

Sovereign Court

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Loki was not with me like he was everyone else. Praise Thor for his protection. Had everyone else not gone to huddle in the churches and worn the Thor's hammers medallion, maybe they would have been spared too.

PRAISE THOR!

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Today was not a good day to die.

Who said I didn't die? ... say, are you done with that brain yet?

Oh sure, I died, but I didn't like my options in the afterlife so I came back.

Why am I the last one left? Well, I opted for the extended 500 year warranty and ...

They won't let me die. They never let me die.

What are you talking about? This town has always looked this way.


Blame the credit card companies. Until I pay them off...


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I am actually a Time Lord. This place was in good condition until I Regenerated.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

It rolled minimum damage.


Cataclysm? Those don't exist here in Finland.


"Oops."

"I can fix that."

"I've seen worse."


Sharoth wrote:
It was the Orthoi apocalypse. An Orthos loose on the world is bad enough, but Orthoi? ~shudders in fear~

THERE IS NO ESCAPE.


5 people marked this as a favorite.

"After a long battle, I caught the legendary Pokemon."


"You're next."

Shadow Lodge

Cloverfield ain't got s!#& on me!

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Wait ... I need an excuse for surviving that?!?!

The Exchange

1 person marked this as a favorite.

"We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."

Or maybe...

"There can be only one", or better yet "It's a kind of magic."

But no...

"To a wizard, death is just a metaphysical inconvenience"

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