I don't know if anyone is interested in knowing how my expeditions are going but I'm going to post it anyway. Last night two very supportive friends and I went to a drive-in restaurant. It was well lit and there were a lot of people there. We ate some pretty good burgers and enjoyed just hanging out talking. It was hard at first but the longer I was there, the more I was realizing that most people probably didn't even notice. Those that did probably didn't care. I think that the biggest problem I'm having may not be that I'm worried that others aren't accepting me but that I'm not accepting me yet. Time shall tell.
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That's probably true, Bob. Part of the process is becoming comfortable with yourself.
You should post your updates. I for one like knowing how things are going and this is a good place for it.
Just like it's a good place for me to say that my boyfriend is awesome in every sense of the word :)
I really wish I could post pictures. I understand why we can't but I think that it would be nice if there was a way. I'm really looking forward to Halloween this year.
Question, I have no idea how to go about looking for someone to share my life with. It's one thing to ask a woman out, but it's much harder asking men out because not only do I not know their orientation most of the time, but I'm interested in men only when I'm dressed up. Plenty of Fish is not the site I want to use. Tried that. Not a good place for anyone.
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You can post pictures to a photo site, like Photobucket, and then post a link to it here.
As to your question, I'll let someone else field that. I know there are sites for non cis-gendered peeps, but I'm not sure which to recommend.
I'm curious about your statement about only being interested in men when you are dressed up. It strikes me that you would want to find somebody who you are interested in (and who is interested in you) regardless of which gender you are presenting as at the time. It would help to get a better idea of what you are looking for in a relationship, specifically as it relates to your transvestism.
If you're not sure, maybe you can "play the field" for a while, and see what is comfortable. Life is an exploration!
It would probably help if I had a better idea of what I wanted. I probably am more interested in exploring this part of my life since it's been stifled so long and as I get more comfortable, things will shift the other direction. I think you're right, that I'm going to have to explore.
As for pictures, would anyone be interested in seeing them? I think I'm just looking for validation from strangers. It's easy to get it from close friends. It's another to get it from people I've never met.
Sure, post a pic! I'm pretty sure everyone here is supporting you!
@ Bob: Go, Bob, go! Seriously, keep on with your outings -- this is your life you're leading, run with it. And congratulations. And tell your friends I think they rock (like they'd care, but hey...)
On another tangent...
Has anybody else had problems dealing with casual, but regular, hook-ups and figuring out the emotional content of infrequent flings? I have a friend, with benefits, that I met on a hook-up site. We manage to get together once a week or two (depending on his study load @ college). We've spent some nights together, with and without sex. We share a lot of perspectives, despite a rather large age difference.
I like him; we have fun together and he's smart, funny, etc. He's loveable, in an amusingly-cynical sort of way.
So I have a great deal of affection for him, but "love" is not a word in our mutual lexicon. Neither of us has a good track record in relationships, and neither is looking for a serious commitment.
How do you express "I really like you and care about you, in a non-binding and non-exclusive kind of way, plus you're fun in bed" simply and elegantly?
Argh.
Am I just needlessly complicating a decent situation?
Here's just a headshot.
Alitan, which site did you use?
I think you may be complicating a situation. If you are both happy with where things are, and neither wants to go further, then I don't see a problem.
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You look good, Bob.
Thanks. I made the earrings myself and I found a site that sells prescription glasses cheap so I picked up a feminine pair. I wish I could figure out how to adjust my voice. I sound like a man no matter what I do. It's really hard to pass when I have to speak.
Thanks. I made the earrings myself and I found a site that sells prescription glasses cheap so I picked up a feminine pair. I wish I could figure out how to adjust my voice. I sound like a man no matter what I do. It's really hard to pass when I have to speak.
The glasses are super cute, and I like the earrings too. :)
Obviously I don't know what your voice sounds like, but it may not be as noticeable as you think. Maybe ask your friends for their opinion?| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Really awesome to see a thread for this. Popping in to say hi. I'm a gay college student and I've had a lot of trouble finding other gay men that I can relate to, mostly because I feel like there aren't very many gay people that have my interests. I know it's not really true, but it's kind of a problem for me.
I'm out to everyone that I know (with the exception of the grandparents, who I'm fairly sure would disown me... I'm not as worried for me as I am for my mother, because I don't really want her to make the choice between her parents or her son), and all of my friends are straight. Things are fairly easy for me, I suppose.
Also, Bob, I'm really glad that you're finally exploring this part of your life. You look great.
Thanks. I made the earrings myself and I found a site that sells prescription glasses cheap so I picked up a feminine pair. I wish I could figure out how to adjust my voice. I sound like a man no matter what I do. It's really hard to pass when I have to speak.The glasses are super cute, and I like the earrings too. :)
Obviously I don't know what your voice sounds like, but it may not be as noticeable as you think. Maybe ask your friends for their opinion?
They told me my voice needs work. Maybe I'll post a different picture every now and then. I've got about 2 dozen. I want to get some different glasses so I can have 3 or 4 pairs but I have to buy my Halloween outfit which is going to cost me almost $100 more than I've already paid. The outfit is costing $70 for materials. It's gonna be awesome though. This is one reason why I'm trying to get out more right now. I have a contest to win, and maybe some guys who need some attention...
The wig is obvious. The shoes are going to be simple Mary Janes from Payless.
Thanks, Akihiro.
As someone completly ignorant to the transvestite idea, is the goal to look like a woman? Is it just to wear women's clothing?
EDIT: I should add, the reason why I'm asking, is after seeing the pic you posted Bob, I would not have questioned that you were a 'woman'.
So I guess regardless for which reason, you succeeded.
As someone completly ignorant to the transvestite idea, is the goal to look like a woman? Is it just to wear women's clothing?
EDIT: I should add, the reason why I'm asking, is after seeing the pic you posted Bob, I would not have questioned that you were a 'woman'.
So I guess regardless for which reason, you succeeded.
I can't speak for others but for myself it started off as curiosity. I eventually I was able to experiment and I found I enjoyed the softness and femininity but I never wanted to pass. Recently I've come to realize who I am and I do want to pass when I'm dressed up. I don't wish to be a woman. I just want to look, act, and feel like one sometimes. I I also enjoy being very masculine. It's a strange dichotomy and not something I understand yet.
Thanks for the compliment too. That was only a head shot. The full body pics aren't as flattering. That's not to say I don't think I look bad. I just think some adjustments are still needed. I'm at work right now so I can't post any other links but I will when I get home.
Thanks for that. Understanding why folks feel or do things helps prevent making unintended awkward or 'judgy' comments.
I'm not one who is easily offended and I don't assume that most people are intentionally making judgments (technically we're all making judgments it's how we express them that's a worry).
Thanks. I made the earrings myself and I found a site that sells prescription glasses cheap so I picked up a feminine pair. I wish I could figure out how to adjust my voice. I sound like a man no matter what I do. It's really hard to pass when I have to speak.
You look awesome. And you made the earrings? That's amazing.
Voice wise, a lot of women have deeper voices than is considered "typical." I'd suggest paying attention to them when they talk and using them as a basis so you're not trying to hit an unusual register or tone for you. Of course, I'm saying this without having heard you speak so I admit I'm stabbing in the dark here.
The problem is that I can't hear myself properly. I'm tone deaf. I'm going to try to record my voice and see if that helps.
Not bad at all bob. You look like a friend of mine, actually.
+1 on th recorded voice woes. I well and truly hate the sound of my voice, it's why I haven't changed my voice mail in years.
My recorded voice sounds like I've just swallowed helium. :(
Seriously, I cringe every time I hear it. I sound like a guest star on Alvin and the Chipmunks. :(
In other words, I concur about the not listening to yourself thing.
I will skip the recorded voice idea then. I will have to rely on friends.
Ah, our skulls resonating with our voices always make our voices sound richer to us than they sound projected out to the real world. But I'm going to disagree with the others and say it still might be valuable to record yourself -- accept that you're going to hear something a little different than you're used to but it still might give you some distance to help discern some points. Otherwise you may have no idea what someone else is talking about when you ask them for advice. It's hard to get tones when you're tone deaf but some of that can be practiced away, depending.
I was a radio dj for 10 years. My friends and strangers always thought I had a great sounding voice. I think I sound absolutely horrible when I hear my recorded self. Trust your friends.
Maybe I just need tighter underwear.
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Clearly we should all call each other and see if we can guess one another's identities based on voice.
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I only owned two pairs of shoes at that time. I've got a couple more and I'm getting another pair next week so that should address the matching issue. The problem I have is large feet (size 13 women's shoes). Even losing the weight won't change that. So when I was buying them, I pretty much just had to buy what was available. Now that I know my size and the price I'm willing to pay, I can shop online better.
I think it's more of a socks with ballet flats issue. Those shoes would not clash with that shirt really at all with sheer panty hose or no socks at all, but the socks are a bit jarring. Socks with ballet flats are a bit like socks with sandals.
I really like the sweater. It looks good on you.
The only thing I don't like about that pic is the shirt. I don't think they go with those shoes. Of course, I like this pink Hawaiian shirt I've got and would wear it with my camo shorts, so it might just be me. ;)
Master Roshi?! ;P
Those are a actually stockings. The lighting sucks and it was taken with my phone. There's another pick that makes it look like I'm wearing boots but it's still stockings.
I'm going to be getting some professional pictures done by my aunt one of these days. I have some friends who want to do all the make up. I just want to lose a few more pounds first because two friends said they would buy me new outfits for every 50 pounds I lose. I've lost 35 since those pictures were taken. With my new meds, better eating, and exercise, I expect to lose 15 more quickly.
Here's the very first picture taken of Cindy (my alter ego). I didn't own any inserts and that was the only dress I owned. That was the first wig I bought. It was hard to smile because I felt a little weird. My make up was done by a friend who does it professionally but there were four other women in the room there to get tips on how to do it.
The only thing I don't like about that pic is the shirt. I don't think they go with those shoes. Of course, I like this pink Hawaiian shirt I've got and would wear it with my camo shorts, so it might just be me. ;)
Thank God I'm not the only one who would do that. Back in my carefree days of youthful...something I was actually sort of known for my Hawaiian shirts and camouflage pants. My friends catergorized it alongside other types of camo such as urban, tiger, desert, etc as "dazzle camo". Sigh. I miss those days.
Plenty of Fish is not the site I want to use. Tried that. Not a good place for anyone.
The first time I saw an advertisement for that site I thought it was Plenty Offish. I thought finally! A dating site for the aloof and argumentative....unfortunately my friends who use it have told me its more of just another crappy hookup site though...=(
Plenty of Fish is not the site I want to use. Tried that. Not a good place for anyone.The first time I saw an advertisement for that site I thought it was Plenty Offish. I thought finally! A dating site for the aloof and argumentative....unfortunately my friends who use it have told me its more of just another crappy hookup site though...=(
Crappy is the keyword there. I was very specific with what I was looking for and within an hour, I had dozens of messages from men and women that clearly had not read it.
Here's a full body shot.
You are pretty cute Bob=)
Yep the wincing at the sound of your own voice is familiar to me as well.
To myself I sound something like this.
To others I think I sound like this guy=D
Crappy is the keyword there. I was very specific with what I was looking for and within an hour, I had dozens of messages from men and women that clearly had not read it.
=(
Here's a full body shot.You are pretty cute Bob=)
Thanks.
I have to say I've met some really nice people from Plenty of Fish. Dated a few and am still friends with most of them. In fact I've met a couple of people in just the last few weeks on there and hope to be meeting them in RL soon.
Maybe it's the area I live in. I've just had bad experiences.
It could very well be that.
Back to Bob
Well, I have profiles on ManHunt and Adam4Adam; the guy in question I met via A4A.
We went out last night and ended up having a really good, candid and honest, discussion about our intimacy issues both generally and with each other. So maybe I was just needlessly complicating things. :)
PS: You do look good, and those earrings rock!
I haven't heard of ManHunt and I had a hard time figuring out Adam4Adam. I'll look into ManHunt. I tried Scruff but I didn't really like it much.
I'm really glad that things worked out. I have a straight friend who is willing to help me out with some of my needs but he said he's a little uncomfortable with it. I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do.
Thanks for the compliment on the earrings! I have a few more that I made but those are my favorites. My second favorites are a set that my friend made with pewter dice. I'm thinking about wearing them on Halloween.
Speaking of which. I should have the outfit complete and in my hands by next week. If anyone wants to see it, let me know.
I'm going to try to get my eyes done like this.
I'm so happy. The shoes were from Payless and the first store didn't have the size I needed and told me that I would have to order online. I decided to go into another store closer to work. They had a size that was very close but a little tight. She picked up the phone and called another store, had them put them on hold and gave me a $4 off coupon. The shoes were only $20 to start with. I was very pleased. The wig was quick and easy to grab.
I already own the tights and the bra. I had to pick up some inserts so I had to have a friend who knows about them help me out. I've never bothered to learn about them. She has.
Anyway, I'm super stoked and ready to my big day out!
I haven't heard of ManHunt and I had a hard time figuring out Adam4Adam. I'll look into ManHunt. I tried Scruff but I didn't really like it much.
I'm really glad that things worked out. I have a straight friend who is willing to help me out with some of my needs but he said he's a little uncomfortable with it. I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do.
Thanks for the compliment on the earrings! I have a few more that I made but those are my favorites. My second favorites are a set that my friend made with pewter dice. I'm thinking about wearing them on Halloween.
Speaking of which. I should have the outfit complete and in my hands by next week. If anyone wants to see it, let me know.
I'm going to try to get my eyes done like this.
I'm so happy. The shoes were from Payless and the first store didn't have the size I needed and told me that I would have to order online. I decided to go into another store closer to work. They had a size that was very close but a little tight. She picked up the phone and called another store, had them put them on hold and gave me a $4 off coupon. The shoes were only $20 to start with. I was very pleased. The wig was quick and easy to grab.
I already own the tights and the bra. I had to pick up some inserts so I had to have a friend who knows about them help me out. I've never bothered to learn about them. She has.
Anyway, I'm super stoked and ready to my big day out!
I'll see if I can find out about other search engine meetup thingies for you.
Thank you very much.
I want to say thank you to everyone here. You have all been very helpful and kind. You've been encouraging and supportive and we've never met before. It means a lot knowing that there are people out there that are like you all. It makes it just a little easier for me as I deal with who I am. Thank you all.
Online Dating
So, Manhunt and Adam4Adam are -- primarily -- hook-up sites, rather than actual DATING sites.
If you're looking for something a little more involved, a little more dealing with compatibility, I would HIGHLY recommend the okCupid site; the profile system is pretty sophisticated, and you can continuously improve the quality of your possible matches by continuing to answer questions.
I haven't been on it since I moved back to FL, on account of I'm not looking for anything serious/committed/long-term. But it was useful when I was in CA. YMMV, but it's worth looking into, imo.
Bob PS: You're welcome? Really, how hard is it to be nice? :) You haven't been an @$$hat on the boards that I've seen, so why NOT be kind, supportive? Takes less energy than negativity. And might even work off some Karmic debt...