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For anyone who is interested in what the cause of my PTSD is, you can read it here.
I wrote it a few years ago in response to someone doing research on how non-theists have to deal with it. Excuse the spelling and grammar errors. It's very hard to write about it and also maintain good writing practices.
I don't read it often. Reading it again shows me that this entire situation may be a trigger for my PTSD. I will have to utilize what few tools I have available. I can't currently see a doctor because mine retired and I can't afford the new one because I changed jobs and I don't have insurance yet.
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If you need to get your paperwork in order before January, look for the hashtag #TransLawHelp on Twitter. Get your documents organized and changed with free help from attorneys.
The hashtag works like this: a lawyer offers up pro bono services by adding the tag at the end of their post. Through direct messages, people who need help can reach out.
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What if I don't want to continue fighting? What if I'm tired of getting my ass handed to me? What if I don't really want to be a part of a world that doesn't want me here? This has been a struggle for nearly 40 years for me. It's tiring. I'm so close to being done.
In those moments, my heart is guided ba a particular quote.
"If you need a reason, that isn't the love of those dearest to you, stay alive out of spite for the haters."
It's what helps me, on the ethnic front, at least.
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In some cool (I guess? I'm sorry if it's not) knowledge I just found out, Emily Kaldwin, one half the protagonists alongside her father in Dishonered 2 has a lover named Wyman.
They intentionally do not use any gendered nouns when referring to them as Wyman is gender neutral.
I'm glad some devs are paying attention and making efforts.
I've been trying to train myself away from using male pronouns as the default for conversation (for example, the classic case of someone discussing doctors and automatically using male pronouns).
I think the thing that has actually helped me the most with that goal is applying that logic to inanimate objects and animals too - lots of people will use male pronouns when they personify inanimate objects, or when they see an animal. Swapping over to using gender neutral I think has been making it easier to do the same for people, because I get so much more practice retraining myself, and now I'm always actively thinking about what I use.
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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In the past few days, I haven't been able to express much besides being angry and upset.
But I want you all to know that I love you. If you're hurting right now, if you're scared: every post I see from you is a victory. Every day that I know you're still here is a victory.
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In the past few days, I haven't been able to express much besides being angry and upset.
But I want you all to know that I love you. If you're hurting right now, if you're scared: every post I see from you is a victory. Every day that I know you're still here is a victory.
*hugs*
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For anyone who is interested in what the cause of my PTSD is, you can read it here.
Damn, I'm at a lose for words. I just want to say that you have already overcome more then most people will ever face, and well, that is more impressive then almost everything most people hold up as great achievements. Climbing Mt Everest? Pfft! That's nothing!
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Bob, that counts as service in another theater, imo.
Probably would have broken me.
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This is why I have a hard time trusting. It's what I fear will happen again if these people get their way. I'm also a fighter. I don't usually back down when confronted, and I fear that I might lash out when I have a better option. A couple years ago I almost seriously hurt someone because he punched his wife. I stepped back instead. It triggered my ptsd so bad that I missed a month of work. My psychiatrist said that even though I made the right decision, she would have been more than happy to argue for me in court. I'm glad it didn't come to tgat.
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Found this (while looking for tattoo inspiration, of all things) and thought it appropriate.
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew'd,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring - What good amid these, O me, O life?Answer.
That you are here - that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
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Another day of Rysky cuddle-puddle? I'm in. *joins group hug*
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I am so grateful for this thread. I haven't been responding or contributing because I haven't felt up to it, but reading everyone's posts here has been a net positive for my mental health.
So thank you all for being here.
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Hi all.
If you have a movie theater near you that plays indie films, there is a beautiful film making the rounds right now called Moonlight. It's directed by Barry Jenkins, who directed Medicine for Melancholy some years back.
It's a coming of age story of a kid in Miami coming to terms with his identity, told in three parts, in three different times of his life. Here's the trailer, which should give you some sense of it.
The film does an excellent job of capturing a sense of becoming aware of one's identity while growing up, and then places that in specific context of South Central Miami. Great writing, cinematography, editing, music and sound design. Stunning performances, particularly by the three actors who play the lead character in each timeframe, and by Mahershala Ali. (Look him up, you'll probably recognize Ali, most recently from Luke Cage.) Also stars Janelle Monae and Naomi Harris.
I think, for me, this is probably the best film of 2016. Highly recommended.
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Out tonight with ch for his Batchelor party wooooooooooo
Y'all always do everything while I'm at work
Y'all always do everything while I'm at work
don't worry you were in the story I told about my Batchelor party
LMAO!
Wasn't that place shut down by the cops like two weeks later?
Yeah definitely not the same place. lol
Interesting situation today. Now, granted, according to things I've read, I live in one of the more discriminatory areas of the US...but with my spouse working in what she does, and much of that deals in areas of wilderness and natural areas...we go where the work is.
So...I've been lucky enough to get a child into our family. I took the child out to dinner tonight. I am NOT certain, as things could always simply be accidental, but it appeared that all the minorities or those who appeared to be a minority were put into one smaller section of the restaurant, and those who were white and heterosexual were put into another.
It was noticeable. I've had this happen before, and if spending my time with others like me is what occurs, I am proud to be with them...but it still was bothersome. As I said, it could be coincidence, but with 20 some odd people in our area, and 12-14 in the other, the difference was pretty apparent I thought. We ate and left.
While spending time with the child, we also had the chance to watch TV. There were protesters, but the thing that struck me crazy was the rioting that some apparently were doing. Why destroy someone else's place and areas simply because you are unhappy. I can support protesting, but not that. I can support protesting, but until we see what happens with Trump and the government itself...I can't support violence of that sort.
Finally, I after that, I actually had the HARDEST thing to answer the entire evening. I really didn't know how to answer it. So the child is pretty young, so you'd think they wouldn't have many questions dealing with the real world events and politics. However, they had questions for me tonight. They asked...is Donald Trump going to start a Nuclear War? and then a quick follow up, is he going to get rid of all the laws?
How do I answer that?
I think we can all fear for ourselves, and I think many are doing that. I think that is why we have the protests...but for a child to fear what is coming?
I didn't want to lie, and so I told the child what I knew, which is, I don't know. I hope that he wouldn't do something like that, but in all honesty, I don't know.
If it had been someone else, for example, Obama, I could have told the child that there was almost no chance of that happening, but with Trump...I really don't have any idea. I couldn't give the child any comforting answer in that and be honest.
The child then said they wished that we could keep Obama as president, and said they felt Obama was a good president.
Reflecting on it this morning, it sort of bothers me that I couldn't give a better answer than that. I think maybe children pick up on our fears whether we voice it or try to hide it. I'm afraid that they might be picking up on my own fears, as much as I try not to show it to them. I don't want them to be afraid, but I don't want to be dishonest either.
If this keeps up I can see some very hard questions coming up over the next few years, not something I'm relishing.
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Children are more direct, more emotional and more concrete than adults. They pick up on what you feel instantly. Lying to them is useless. Better to tell them that you are not sure. Comfort them as you can.
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LMAO!
Wasn't that place shut down by the cops like two weeks later?
Yeah it was...
Good times. Good times.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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While spending time with the child, we also had the chance to watch TV. There were protesters, but the thing that struck me crazy was the rioting that some apparently were doing. Why destroy someone else's place and areas simply because you are unhappy. I can support protesting, but not that. I can support protesting, but until we see what happens with Trump and the government itself...I can't support violence of that sort.
Please don't equate property damage (performed by a small percentage of protesters) with violence. Real violence is done to human beings: in what the cops do to protesters for the actions of a scant few, in hate crimes, in the governmental denial of rights. A smashed window isn't good, but it's nothing compared to what the state has, does, and will continue to enact on the bodies and rights of PoC, immigrants, and queer folk.
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Hey, just wanted to duck in and say that if you're looking for some escapism that's still relevant, go see Arrival.
I cried (mostly happy tears) all the way through it.
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Hey, just wanted to duck in and say that if you're looking for some escapism that's still relevant, go see Arrival.
I cried (mostly happy tears) all the way through it.
I'll second this. Beautiful movie, and I cried for most of the latter half in a good way.
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Waypoint put out a pretty resonating statement about the election and how it intersects with its editorial mission.
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I've been trying to train myself away from using male pronouns as the default for conversation (for example, the classic case of someone discussing doctors and automatically using male pronouns).
I think the thing that has actually helped me the most with that goal is applying that logic to inanimate objects and animals too - lots of people will use male pronouns when they personify inanimate objects, or when they see an animal. Swapping over to using gender neutral I think has been making it easier to do the same for people, because I get so much more practice retraining myself, and now I'm always actively thinking about what I use.
This reminds me of a character I had in a Scion campaign named Dr. Thomas 'Tom' McKay, MD.
One might think 'he' is a mellow laid-back physician.
One would be wrong.
An Emergency Room physician and daughter of Coyote, who named her that for Reasons, she was the most frenetic stress-case always worried about not murder-hoboing the opposition
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Hanging in there. Back to work after the long weekend tomorrow. Feeling trapped with all the idiots bragging about getting Trump elected. Right now I wish I could just walk away, but my guaranteed escape of all these years now requires me to move back to the land of bigotry and to parents that are celebrating the election by talking about volunteering to help build the wall.
I am sick.
I have though about ending it all for the first time since I was 10.
I hate my parents right now. I've never felt like that before and it makes me sick. I have had a headache since Tuesday night and my heart has been pounding this whole time.
Thank you all of you for existing. It helps to know I'm not the only gaymer. I will survive, but I don't want to live in this world anymore. You make it bearable. Hugs for everybody.
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Hanging in there. Back to work after the long weekend tomorrow. Feeling trapped with all the idiots bragging about getting Trump elected. Right now I wish I could just walk away, but my guaranteed escape of all these years now requires me to move back to the land of bigotry and to parents that are celebrating the election by talking about volunteering to help build the wall.
I am sick.
I have though about ending it all for the first time since I was 10.
I hate my parents right now. I've never felt like that before and it makes me sick. I have had a headache since Tuesday night and my heart has been pounding this whole time.
Thank you all of you for existing. It helps to know I'm not the only gaymer. I will survive, but I don't want to live in this world anymore. You make it bearable. Hugs for everybody.
Be safe and careful and be tough.
Gonna be difficult, no lie.
Be glad you're not on the other side of the coin, with one parent that turns off the television/computer/whatnot anytime even a hint of politics comes on, and the other one verging into nigh-madness tinfoil hat territory
I love my folks despite this, but still, I know I'm losing Sanity Points...
And again, not a hugging sort, but hugs returned as proportionately desired...
I need help. I don't have insurance and I'm starting to have nightmares. This is not good. It's the ptsd. I really think I waa triggered and I don't know how to stop it before it's too late. I'm sorry to say it here. I don't know who to talk to about this
Ok, start here: PM me.
I have PTSD and I can listen and help you find resources
And also start here
I know first hand how messed up sleep can affect your mental and physical health. Definitely do what you need to, in order to get a full nights sleep.
Last time I had a lot of medical bills, I was able to get a Healthcare Advocate through the county hospital that helped me navigate medicaid. I'm not sure if they have something like that where you are, but maybe there is a similar program.
EDIT: Also:
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*joins in Rysky's mass hug*
I just wish there was more I could do besides Internet hugs. :(
I will not pretend that I am worried about the consequences of a Trump presidency, primarily because I suspect that most of the man's initial rhetoric was done to win the nomination within the party and as far as I have seen, he is already commiting a lurch to the left in the few policy announcements that has been released since he became the President-elect.
That being said, he announced that homosexual civil unions is a "settled law" yesterday.
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I will not pretend that I am worried about the consequences of a Trump presidency, primarily because I suspect that most of the man's initial rhetoric was done to win the nomination within the party and as far as I have seen, he is already commiting a lurch to the left in the few policy announcements that has been released since he became the President-elect.
That being said, he announced that homosexual civil unions is a "settled law" yesterday.
A lot of the worry is less about Trump and more about everything else. The Republicans own the entire government, from the Senate to the House and once the spot is filled, probably the Supreme Court. That level of control means that things like the Religious Freedom act and things similar to it can be passed much easier. For securing trans rights, it is going to be a steep uphill battle.
I've been trying to train myself away from using male pronouns as the default for conversation (for example, the classic case of someone discussing doctors and automatically using male pronouns).
I think the thing that has actually helped me the most with that goal is applying that logic to inanimate objects and animals too - lots of people will use male pronouns when they personify inanimate objects, or when they see an animal. Swapping over to using gender neutral I think has been making it easier to do the same for people, because I get so much more practice retraining myself, and now I'm always actively thinking about what I use.This reminds me of a character I had in a Scion campaign named Dr. Thomas 'Tom' McKay, MD.
One might think 'he' is a mellow laid-back physician.
One would be wrong.
An Emergency Room physician and daughter of Coyote, who named her that for Reasons, she was the most frenetic stress-case always worried about not murder-hoboing the opposition
SCION WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Woke up today at 7 being really happy, went back to sleep for an hour, had a bad dream abt coming out, and then on the way to class someone whispered 'tranny' to their friend and laughed as I walked by so :/
A lot of the worry is less about Trump and more about everything else. The Republicans own the entire government, from the Senate to the House and once the spot is filled, probably the Supreme Court. That level of control means that things like the Religious Freedom act and things similar to it can be passed much easier. For securing trans rights, it is going to be a steep uphill battle.I will not pretend that I am worried about the consequences of a Trump presidency, primarily because I suspect that most of the man's initial rhetoric was done to win the nomination within the party and as far as I have seen, he is already commiting a lurch to the left in the few policy announcements that has been released since he became the President-elect.
That being said, he announced that homosexual civil unions is a "settled law" yesterday.
agreed. The house and Senate are the concerning areas here.
I would also fear some type of reprisal from angry Trump supporters when he doesn't do one or more of the outlandish things he said he would.
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A lot of the worry is less about Trump and more about everything else. The Republicans own the entire government, from the Senate to the House and once the spot is filled, probably the Supreme Court. That level of control means that things like the Religious Freedom act and things similar to it can be passed much easier. For securing trans rights, it is going to be a steep uphill battle.I will not pretend that I am worried about the consequences of a Trump presidency, primarily because I suspect that most of the man's initial rhetoric was done to win the nomination within the party and as far as I have seen, he is already commiting a lurch to the left in the few policy announcements that has been released since he became the President-elect.
That being said, he announced that homosexual civil unions is a "settled law" yesterday.
agreed. The house and Senate are the concerning areas here.
I would also fear some type of reprisal from angry Trump supporters when he doesn't do one or more of the outlandish things he said he would.
I have always been more worried about Mike Pence having control of the White House than Trump. But I have also always worried more about what Trump's deluded supporters will do once they realize that they were taken for a ride. Some groups have already threatened to remove the President Elect if he fails to follow through on his immigration policy as described in his stump speeches.
Trump released the beast, now that beast is a danger to everybody.