Hope like crazy someone doesn't get stupid.
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I'm with Rysky on that count. The easily manipulated and feeling vulnerable to the whims of others just did the stupid.
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Edit: This wasn't a reply to you Cindy/Bob. It was just something I thought needed to be said tonight after the horrible results of this enervating, maddening election.
I know things look bleak and frighteningly uncertain (and I know my last two comments didn't help), but if anyone reading this is feeling really alone, deeply scared, and hopeless... please, please, please don't make a horrible mistake and take your life.
Please, no.
I've seen up close what suicide does to a family, to friends. I know it may seem totally dark and you just want the pain to end, but please don't do it. Please. You are valuable and needed in this world. You make peoples' lives better by participating in it. Believe it or not, your fight also gives others hope.
Please don't say goodbye.
Before you attempt it, please call someone. The Trevor Project is available 24/7 and I'm certain you wouldn't be the only one contacting them tonight or in the coming days. You can call them at 1-866-488-7386, or text them/chat with them tomorrow.
You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255, or chat with them right now.
Please be safe. Your loved ones and friends need you. This community needs you. I need you.
I was a cause for this, sorry for scaring you Amby, so I felt I needed to speak up. I originally was going to post this to this thread,
"Nightmares are supposed to end when you wake up, not start.
If none of you hear from me again, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Stay safe everyone, you're my friends, my family, and I love you all.
Goodbye."
I had it typed up but I never posted it, I just ended up staring at my Dad's handgun for an hour or so. I'm sorry if what I'm posting scares any of you, again, I'm so sorry Amby, but making my thought permeant and physical brought me some sliver of peace of mind, even at the stress of others. So I'm sorry Amby, but thank you, for talking me down from that ledge.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm still here. I'm a f~&@ing coward, but I'm still here.
This atrocity and those sure to follow aren't the only reason for me being like this, there's plenty of stuff that's been building over the years, this was just the catalyst. But in the end, I'm still here. I wasn't lying when I said I love you all, everyone here, everyone at Paizo, everyone I play PBPs with, is the only reason I've lasted as long as I have. You're my family, and in the end, I couldn't leave my family, no matter how much I really wanted to.
So to everyone, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the stress I've caused over the years, I'm sorry for more often than not being a shitty person, and not being a good a friend as I should be. I'm sorry. Forgive me.
But I'm still here. I'm trying to hold on. I'm about to start work. Stay safe everyone, please. I love you all.
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{big hugs}
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Don't give up hope.
Keep in mind that the Democrats can still filibuster in the Senate. Just as the Republicans blocked Obama from doing much of anything even when they were in the minority in both chambers of Congress, so too can the Democrats.
Obamacare only got passed because of the small window between Franken finally being confirmed in July 2009 and Kennedy dying in August... and that only on the one day Byrd came in from his sick (later death) bed to give the Dems a 60 vote supermajority. One day. That's what Obama had to enact his agenda in congress. The GOP was able to block him the entire rest of his presidency. The Democrats have more than enough senate votes to do the same... except without giving Trump one day.
At least until / unless the GOP decides to change the rules and remove the filibuster entirely. Hopefully the Dems will limit their filibusters to preventing the worst social and civil rights abuses and let the GOP go through with their (disastrous, but reversible) economic plans. Disgustingly, that will mean allowing the GOP to 'steal' a SCOTUS nomination from Obama, but at least it only maintains the status quo. We can hope that none of the liberal justices die or retire in the next four years and that Trump is a one term nightmare.
Remember that the country has still been trending towards sanity and decency. You have to believe that this is the last gasp of a dying electoral coalition.
- The last(?) sane older straight white non-college graduate Kansas born Iowa raised male in America
<big Zen hugs>
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Screw the Supreme Court. They wouldn't give us the nominee when it was right... why should we give them a stolen one? Eight Justices, until the tide turns. Seven, if we lose another.
I hope the Democrats block the Republican agenda every bit as hard as was done to them. Based on the election, that's what the American people want.
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Screw the Supreme Court. They wouldn't give us the nominee when it was right... why should we give them a stolen one? Eight Justices, until the tide turns. Seven, if we lose another.
I hope the Democrats block the Republican agenda every bit as hard as was done to them. Based on the election, that's what the American people want.
Because we can't.
Republicans control the Senate. Democrats could filibuster, but the Republicans would just change the rules. Whether or not it's a good idea, it can't be done.
Fight it to the last, then.
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heartfelt thoughts
I don't want you to feel upset or disappointed in yourself. You haven't let us down; you haven't been a bad friend or a sh!tty person. No matter your best of intentions, you're still an imperfect human with limits, blindspots, and weaknesses... just like the rest of us. So don't beat yourself up over it. You are kind, empathetic, accepting, funny, and smart. You are allowed to ramble. You are allowed to be afraid, but please recognize that does not make you a coward.
I don't want to depress anyone else, so you all can skip this part if you want (or not. But if it's upsetting, I did warn you first)...
The day before the appointment, I woke up at sunrise, drove down to a bridge, parked my car, and walked out onto the span. It was a cool morning and very overcast; I could smell the moisture from the river below, some ozone from the coming rain, and a bit of oil from the bridge surface. There wasn't a soul around. Looking over the edge, I guessed the fall wasn't high enough to kill me... but I spotted a good spot I thought I could drive the car though with enough speed. So I sat on the concrete edge near the drawbridge, trying to decide how I would tell my friends what I was committed to doing in just a few minutes. While I mentally composed my thoughts for that last super-sh!tty voicemail... my phone rang.
It was one of my two friends, who immediately apologized for calling so early, but she wanted to make sure I wasn't getting last minute jitters before the appointment that afternoon and canceling. I could hear her hustling to get ready for work. Somehow, I found my voice: No, I wasn't going to cancel, but the appointment is tomorrow afternoon. She apologized again and told me to call her after the appointment to debrief/decompress, wished me well, and said she'd be thinking good thoughts about me that day.
I still have that old, now non-working, PoS Motorola flipphone; I can't fathom throwing it out or recycling it. I never told her just how important that call was. I saw the therapist over a few years, and it really helped to have someone I could unburden myself to. Someone who saw through all my dodges, evasions, and little lies to myself. It took a bit to find a good medication combo to pull me up out of my pit of depression and anxiety, but it helped. It was a revelation that everyone else wasn't so much more mentally stronger or more determined than me; it was my brain that was burning though so much energy, locking me into an inescapable rut of dark thoughts and pain... and I didn't need to feel ashamed, and my life didn't have to be this way.
I don't know you well enough to guess all the things grinding you down, and I certainly don't know if medication will help. But, can you afford to see a psychologist/psychiatrist for at least a couple sessions and see if talking/venting to an expert helps? Perhaps trying some CBT exercises?
You probably have a busy day ahead of you, but I wish you the best today and I'll be think positively of you. :)
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There are some LGBTIQA experienced therapists on Dr. Becky's list (you'll have to scroll down about 2/3s to get to Tennessee).
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There are some LGBTIQA experienced therapists on Dr. Becky's list (you'll have to scroll down about 2/3s to get to Tennessee).
oh wow, thankies!
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So to everyone, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the stress I've caused over the years, I'm sorry for more often than not being a s*&@ty person, and not being a good a friend as I should be. I'm sorry. Forgive me.
But I'm still here. I'm trying to hold on. I'm about to start work. Stay safe everyone, please. I love you all.
You are one of the most positive people in this already overwhelmingly positive online community, and I can't count the number of times your posts have made me smile. I am truly sorrowful that your brain is enough of an a$*+#%& to make that so hard for you to see, but any time you need help seeing how infinitely valuable you are, send me a PM. Entirely flawed I may be, and prone to the same mental self-abuse. But I will be a shoulder to cry on, and I will use every word in my power to lavish you with the love that can be so hard to find in other places. That goes for everyone here - if you ever need reminding that you are worth it, message me. I'm on at least intermittently for much of the night most nights, and if I see a message, I will answer. Don't forget the resources Ambrosia's listed as well.
And now, a much-belated proper introduction to the thread, because it's taken me far too long to really figure it out for myself - I'm bi. (Bi-romantic and demi-sexual, more accurately.) It's taken me 28 years to finally come to terms with it enough to accept it as my identity, and I'm so painfully reserved that coming out completely might never happen. This is the first time I've ever put it into words that will make it into other brains besides my own, and it's taken me several days of typing out messages just to close the page. But I've decided that being able to pass for normal isn't a good enough excuse to avoid accepting who I am anymore - and the world needs a little more understanding and love.
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So to everyone, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the stress I've caused over the years, I'm sorry for more often than not being a s*&@ty person, and not being a good a friend as I should be. I'm sorry. Forgive me.
But I'm still here. I'm trying to hold on. I'm about to start work. Stay safe everyone, please. I love you all.
You are one of the most positive people in this already overwhelmingly positive online community, and I can't count the number of times your posts have made me smile. I am truly sorrowful that your brain is enough of an a+!@@$$ to make that so hard for you to see, but any time you need help seeing how infinitely valuable you are, send me a PM. Entirely flawed I may be, and prone to the same mental self-abuse. But I will be a shoulder to cry on, and I will use every word in my power to lavish you with the love that can be so hard to find in other places. That goes for everyone here - if you ever need reminding that you are worth it, message me. I'm on at least intermittently for much of the night most nights, and if I see a message, I will answer. Don't forget the resources Ambrosia's listed as well.
And now, a much-belated proper introduction to the thread, because it's taken me far too long to really figure it out for myself - I'm bi. (Bi-romantic and demi-sexual, more accurately.) It's taken me 28 years to finally come to terms with it enough to accept it as my identity, and I'm so painfully reserved that coming out completely might never happen. This is the first time I've ever put it into words that will make it into other brains besides my own, and it's taken me several days of typing out messages just to close the page. But I've decided that being able to pass for normal isn't a good enough excuse to avoid accepting who I am anymore - and the world needs a little more understanding and love.
*hugs*
Thankies. And congratz!
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+1 congrats to Rennaivx and the other new faces here.
Also, I hate to monopolize the thread, but I felt like I needed to post this:
The unthinkable happened before, to my family in WWII. We got thru it. We held each other close. We kept our dignity and held to our ideals.
I am addressing this to all who voted to defeat Donald Trump and what he represents. We may not have prevailed, but we must not despair. Many of you are, like me, in a state of shock. This does not feel like the America you love and honor. We are in unchartered waters. In times like these we must reaffirm the values we cherish and have fought for: equality, justice, the care of our planet. We must stand up defiantly to any dark or divisive acts, and look out for the most vulnerable among us. It is more important than ever. Within our hearts we know the society we wish to live in. No one can take that vision from us. We are each of us keepers of that promise. This country has seen wars and grave injustices, slavery and even civil war in its past. Yet we found our way through. We will now, too. Hold your loved ones close. Tell them that it is in times of sadness and in the toughest of days where we often find our true mettle.
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You know, I've struggled with depression for a lot of my life. Like some others here, I contemplated just ending my life when Trump won, simply because it would be too painful to go on.
But then I realized: f!~$ that.
If all of us lose hope, if all of us just fade away, who the hell is going to remain to fight back? Who's going to resist? Who's going to stay to show the world that we are not going to take all of this abuse lying down?
So I'm not going to lose hope, or fade away. When Trump bloodies my nose, I will kick him in the nards (metaphorically, of course). When they begin deporting the people in this country who live, who love, who have family, I will protect them. When they threaten to take away the marriage rights we have worked so hard for all these years, I will not only protest, I will not back down no matter what force they levy, what threats they use.
We can't flee to Canada, or Scotland, or anywhere else. We can't just sit quietly in the background while they grind away all that the Greenwich Revolution started. We have to stay and fight for future generations of LGBT kids, scared and confused, who might wake up one day to find that love is illegal. We have to fight for all of those married couples who are now in danger of being torn apart. We have to fight for our friends and family who are in danger of being taken away from us.
We won't be told. We won't be controlled. We're going to kick back and break through the cages that they're already building for us.
I have begun putting my stuff away. I am going to be donating the clothing and giving the makeup away to friends. I don't think that this is the safe path for me at this time.
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I had someone tell me that they understand what it's like to be discriminated against because she's 10 years older than her husband.
I tried to explain that they don't understand because they are part of the majority. They are white, cis, straight, and Christian. They don't understand what it means to be truly discriminated against. One said that she gets dirty looks because she's older than her husband. I asked her when was the last time that she was denied a job or housing because of it? Was she told that she wouldn't be allowed to marry him? Was she told where she should pee because of it? Was she told that she couldn't have a wedding cake, flowers, or a venue because of it? If not, then she doesn't get it.
She's not a bad person. I really don't think that she understands at all.
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*hugs Bob*
That's horrible, but if it makes you safer, then you should do it.
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This was my morning post today:
If you think that your LGBT friends, friends of color, non-Christian friends, or many of your female friends are overreacting, may I suggest asking them why they feel that way? Ask them with the intent on understanding. If you dismiss their fears and anger, then you are what they are afraid of.
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{adds to hug katamari} That's so sh!tty for you Bob, but yes, you have to do what is best for your safety.
Would you prefer I/we refer to you as Bob or Cindy while here? Whatever makes you most comfortable/happy.
My name here is Bob. I usually go by Bob. I only went by Cindy when I was trying to explore who I was.
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If you want to know which game companies supported us, here is a partial list:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Byor_o1KfAaTLTl4R0JpSW4wZTQ/view
It's only about 8 pages of people in the industry and the companies they work for or own. These are the people who will be getting my money.
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Checking in to see how everyone is holding up. My parents are a bit worried because they've had a small amount of people talk about how they can't wait to get rid of Puerto Rico and deport the Puerto Ricans to make room for more jobs. My girlfriend and her trans friends are also very worried. I'm admittedly anxious, but I'm very much a wait and see kind of person.
I know things look grim right now everyone, but I know that we can come together as an American community and make it through. We are in an uncertain time right now. Now more than ever, we have to stay united, look back and change how we approach things for the next four to eight years. What we are doing now isn't working anymore. But I do earnestly believe we can still make things work for our community, not just the LGBT or minority community, but as Americans.
Don't give up hope. Please, if you do feel the pangs of hopelessness, find someone you trust and talk with them. Hell, keep posting in this thread. There are good people here that want to help you. Message me if you need to and I can at least promise to try and talk to you.
We can do this.
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I'm not happy. I'm just not happy.
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Just checking in to say how grateful I am that you're all here, to thank everyone who is offering comfort, and encourage everyone to do all they can to take care of themselves and each other.
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Last night I relapsed with self-harm. I thought about killing myself. But I decided that I gotta be here for my friends who are going to be affected just like me, though. I'm so so so scared for the next 4 years but I'm hopeful for solidarity. We gotta protect each other, because obviously not many other people are gonna protect us.
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Thanks :)
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Last night I relapsed with self-harm. I thought about killing myself. But I decided that I gotta be here for my friends who are going to be affected just like me, though. I'm so so so scared for the next 4 years but I'm hopeful for solidarity. We gotta protect each other, because obviously not many other people are gonna protect us.
189birds, the well-being of our community members matters to us. I'm not sure if you're already aware of these resources, but these are some chats/phone numbers that may be helpful to you:
Live Chats
http://www.7cupsoftea.com
http://www.crisischat.org/chat
http://www.imalive.org
Hotlines
1-800-273-TALK (http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org)
1-866-488-7386 (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now)
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Rysky, we're reaching critical hug levels here. Love readings are...
Love readings are off the scale!!!
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Alright, I uh. Feel the need to say something, Even though I've never posted in this thread before.
i can't pretend to understand what most of you go through, nor can I ever fully understand, but...
I just wanted to say I wish you all luck, and hope things will get better (or at least, not worse) because it's really all I can do right now.
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I'm not happy. I'm just not happy.
If it's any consolation, I'll be out there on the streets of NYC protesting. I would like to extend personal invitations to everyone to join me. I think Anklebiter will be there when he can ski down from NH, (or ship himself via UPS) and well, you have a couple million friends and sympathizers here in NYC! Regardless of what happens in national politics, the people of NYC are pretty cool, and as I said before, there are F%#@ING MILLIONS OF US, and we love YOU, not a bunch of politicians!
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I'm not happy. I'm just not happy.If it's any consolation, I'll be out there on the streets of NYC protesting. I would like to extend personal invitations to everyone to join me. I think Anklebiter will be there when he can ski down from NH, (or ship himself via UPS) and well, you have a couple million friends and sympathizers here in NYC! Regardless of what happens in national politics, the people of NYC are pretty cool, and as I said before, there are F@$*ING MILLIONS OF US, and we love YOU, not a bunch of politicians!
I'm going to be working in manhattan today. It may not be wise to do so. My coworker for tonight is going to a protest, so she may cancel or be late. I don't know what to think or expect.
I am truly through the looking glass here.
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I am pretty shocked myself. I don't think I have much comfort to give. What I want is just to tell you that there are many ways to get through shitty and dangerous times. You need to remember who you are, what matters to you, and to never, ever give up. You are worth something, no matter what anyone else says. The people who matter to you are worth it all, Soetimes, all you can do is survive. Do it. Things will not be that way forever.
*hugs*
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I'm also in NYC, and going out to protest tonight, with one of my friends.
@Fergie- see you on the battlefield :p
And thank you Chris for those resources. I'm feeling much better today, last night was just...very dark.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Last night I relapsed with self-harm. I thought about killing myself. But I decided that I gotta be here for my friends who are going to be affected just like me, though. I'm so so so scared for the next 4 years but I'm hopeful for solidarity. We gotta protect each other, because obviously not many other people are gonna protect us.189birds, the well-being of our community members matters to us. I'm not sure if you're already aware of these resources, but these are some chats/phone numbers that may be helpful to you:
Live Chats
http://www.7cupsoftea.com
http://www.crisischat.org/chat
http://www.imalive.orgHotlines
1-800-273-TALK (http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org)
1-866-488-7386 (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now)
Thanks, Chris. One small amendment: I've read that imalive.org is anti-queer and pro-conversion therapy. It may be best to avoid that one, folks.
Thanks, Chris. One small amendment: I've read that imalive.org is anti-queer and pro-conversion therapy. It may be neat to avoid that one, folks.Last night I relapsed with self-harm. I thought about killing myself. But I decided that I gotta be here for my friends who are going to be affected just like me, though. I'm so so so scared for the next 4 years but I'm hopeful for solidarity. We gotta protect each other, because obviously not many other people are gonna protect us.189birds, the well-being of our community members matters to us. I'm not sure if you're already aware of these resources, but these are some chats/phone numbers that may be helpful to you:
Live Chats
http://www.7cupsoftea.com
http://www.crisischat.org/chat
http://www.imalive.orgHotlines
1-800-273-TALK (http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org)
1-866-488-7386 (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now)
Thank you for the information. We'll investigate.
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It's not over. We will get through this.
And as terrifying as it might seem right now, remember that there's a lot of good news on downticket races. Those are the politicians who are positioned to come into power over the next decade.
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While I haven't posted here in a while, I wanted to share my sympathies for the results of this election. Like many outside the US, I never thought it could come to this. Even I'm frightened of what the future holds, but it is in times like these that we must come together as a global community and stand up for the rights and freedoms of all.
Write to your senators, write to your governors, write to any politician you can and tell them not to let Trump have his way, tell them that the people do not have confidence in Trump; send that message loud enough and long enough and with any luck he will be forced to step down. Above all though, stay safe.
*offers hugs to his southern neighbours*
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Just popping in here to offer my sympathies to my LGBTQI siblings. As the father of a transwoman (who is also an avid gamer), I'm terribly glad we live in Australia right now, because I fear for what is going to happen to everyone who is not a straight white Christian cis-man in America over the next few years.
Take care, keep gaming, and keep happy.
Phil
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I had someone tell me that they understand what it's like to be discriminated against because she's 10 years older than her husband.
I tried to explain that they don't understand because they are part of the majority. They are white, cis, straight, and Christian. They don't understand what it means to be truly discriminated against. One said that she gets dirty looks because she's older than her husband. I asked her when was the last time that she was denied a job or housing because of it? Was she told that she wouldn't be allowed to marry him? Was she told where she should pee because of it? Was she told that she couldn't have a wedding cake, flowers, or a venue because of it? If not, then she doesn't get it.
She's not a bad person. I really don't think that she understands at all.
Dunno about everyone else, but this hetcismale darkie gets it.
I can't exactly white knight for my Rainbow Tribe people, but I can stand in front, if allowed, and beside if refused.
I worry less for my safety because I already know that it's untenable, especially after this election.
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I’m not sure what, if anything, I can or should say, as someone who’s not American and has never felt she knows enough about how the electoral system in America works, let alone the overall political landscape, to meaningfully comment on those dimensions of things.
That said, for what it’s worth, my heart goes out to all of the American folks here, and I do hope, fervently, that we can find a way to all take care of ourselves and each other, across the divisions of nationality. I haven’t posted as much to this thread recently as I might have liked, but I do try to keep up, more or less, so if anyone ever feels they need to vent, and/or (for possibly shared perspectives) to a queer trans woman in particular, please do send me a PM over the messageboards.
Just one anarchical Canadian faerie trying to reach out. I’m not a huggy person, so it would feel strange to offer electronic ones, but maybe sympathetic, melancholy, anxious grins and swimming eyes?
*rueful attempt at metaphorical non-contact comfort*
*hearts*
-Q.