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What Freehold DM said.
And I had been planning to quip about the post I had seen on the Book of Faces giving congratulations while wondering if and when blackness will be legalized. :-/
Which prompted an odd thought in relation to race and orientation, as I had in the past written 'bara' DragonStar adventures as part of an experiment with literary creativity. It was, to say the least, interesting - my writing partner was surprised at how very 'not yaoi' it was, which necessitated explaining the differences between the genres. This was in part where some of the writing fell off, as it were; the desire was apparently for a different set of tropes.
This bugs me as much for the nature of tropes as for the fact that people embrace them so eagerly. I'm sure that many have seen the rants on ethnicity I have put forth, aside from those that have been removed and redacted - I have made clear on numerous occasions that being black is one thing, but the expectations of 'acting black' are usually pretty offending. Yet with my friends, many embrace the camp cliches as appropriate self-identification. And I support them in almost all things, but that one is vexing and baffling to me, as much as people who hear me speak and see me dress and how I carry myself and presume to call it "acting white". It prompts resentment, yet the friends who act camp embrace that as part of their gayness, and it's not my fight, but the point to me is that their sexuality should not be their primary attribute of assessment, on top of the stereotypes.
Their embrace versus my rejection of associated stereotypes gives me frustration.
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Yuugasa, (and everyone else living in a conservative place where you feel like you don't fit in) please, PLEASE come to NYC for a visit. Whoever you are, there are people here who are into your type. If you feel like you don't fit in where you are, that might be because where you are is judgmental and lame. Maybe you live in an OK place, but it's just not a good fit for YOU.
I was in Manhattan yesterday and EVERYTHING was like super triple rainbowed out. Not just the area around the pride parade, (I got to ride some wheelies down a closed off 5th avenue!) but the whole place! Acceptance and freedom were just floating in the air (although that might have been diesel exhaust and weed smoke).
You don't have to come for Pride Day/ week/ month, but just come here while the weather is warm. Hang out in the parks, visit the beach, bike around, just hang out. We have amazing buildings and locations, and some of the most beautiful people in the world.
Disclaimer: Staten Island has been disowned by NYC. NYC is a loud, dirty, racist hellhole. Rent and everything else costs too much money. It is crawling with cops, obnoxious locals, people from NJ, and tourists from around the world. But who cares, come for a visit. Don't forget your bike!
Yuugasa, (and everyone else living in a conservative place where you feel like you don't fit in) please, PLEASE come to NYC for a visit. Whoever you are, there are people here who are into your type. If you feel like you don't fit in where you are, that might be because where you are is judgmental and lame. Maybe you live in an OK place, but it's just not a good fit for YOU.
I was in Manhattan yesterday and EVERYTHING was like super triple rainbowed out. Not just the area around the pride parade, (I got to ride some wheelies down a closed off 5th avenue!) but the whole place! Acceptance and freedom were just floating in the air (although that might have been diesel exhaust and weed smoke).
You don't have to come for Pride Day/ week/ month, but just come here while the weather is warm. Hang out in the parks, visit the beach, bike around, just hang out. We have amazing buildings and locations, and some of the most beautiful people in the world.
Disclaimer: Staten Island has been disowned by NYC. NYC is a loud, dirty, racist hellhole. Rent and everything else costs too much money. It is crawling with cops, obnoxious locals, people from NJ, and tourists from around the world. But who cares, come for a visit. Don't forget your bike!
See! See! THIS is what I'm talking about!
The REAL Gandalf is our f%$#en Grand Marshal!
Sir Ian McKellen is pretty much a legend. :)
Tangentially related questioned - I lived in the UK, the bundle-of-sticks slur was for specifically bundles of stcks, cigarettes, and people of an exceedingly campy artistic temperment, ironically enough prefaced with the word art specifically. Obviously, after coming back Stateside, I made a point to excise the term from the vernacular. More than when my fellow darkies self-identify with the N-bomb, I get intensely irritated with the whole 'taking it back' approach to using the stick bundle slur, because I rather liked having a specific term for such trifling nonces, and not have it be mistaken for some tarring of people who I support and occasionally disagree with.
Though I suppose it also brings to mind the perils of evolving language and people who are eager to quote Chris Rock about the difference between black people and the N-bomb without the perspective of being a black person.
Though I am not sure how it plays among the Community here, as a lot of my neck of the woods are not part for the proverbial course...except where they are.
I will never forgive him for that sketch.
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John Oliver dedicated almost an entire episode regarding Transgender rights.
The man is brilliant, and did such a great job regarding transgender issues and rights and the current state of them (or lack of them).
If you haven't seen the video (its only 18 minutes long) then watch it, and pass it on.
Thank you John!!
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John Oliver dedicated almost an entire episode regarding Transgender rights.
The man is brilliant, and did such a great job regarding transgender issues and rights and the current state of them (or lack of them).
If you haven't seen the video (its only 18 minutes long) then watch it, and pass it on.
Thank you John!!
It was truly brilliant and well worth watching. Thanks for posting the link.
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A brief thought exercise. Does a same sex invitation also require a higher level of assumed consent to be polite? How about if it's to or from a trans* person?
No. Or at least it shouldn't.
But many monogamous couples invest a lot in, well, the idea of commitment and of being monogamous, and feel that the assumption that they might break that commitment is insulting. I actually feel that to be quite understandable, as, for a monogamous couple, infidelity is breaking a promise, and breaking promises is bad, thus the feeling they get that someone is assuming they'd break theirs is understandably unpleasant.
That's obviously not necessarily what the intent of such an invitation is, but it is how such an invitation can be perceived and is a legitimate reason to be upset in and of itself.
Any similar reason to be upset about being hit on by someone trans* or of the same sex is pretty necessarily rooted in prejudice (and I don't feel bigots should be catered to), but the feeling that someone is accusing you of breaking your word (or a willingness to do such a thing) isn't necessarily rooted in any prejudice against poly people, and is thus worth making accommodation to.
The lowest level of assumed consent in mainstream society is for a cis/het male to ask a female. Even if he does not know her orientation, her cis/trans* status or her level of consent to be asked, most people will assume that it is okay for him to ask her on a date.
They will? Not in the groups I associate with. At least not universally.
It's probably more true of society generally, I suppose...but even there I feel like it's not even all that accepted among women, only among men.
If a gay male invites another male on a date in an ordinary social context, he risks physically violent rejection. Trans* folks have the same issue or worse, with horrible and insulting assumptions made about them like the bad word "trap".
The sad truth in this society is that if you are not cis/het/mono, you are putting yourself at risk simply by seeking a partner. People are likely to react angrily and violently if they do not share your orientation, even if your invitation is entirely courteous.
This is both true and unfortunate in many ways. Not really what I'm talking about though.
The question to ask isn't whether this is true - we already know that it is. The question is whether those of us who are capable of more rational and respectful thought should be actively working to dismantle this meme. I do think it makes more sense to encourage a basic standard of courtesy that does not depend on your orientation when asking anyone for any form of intimacy.
I agree with this. I also still maintain that 'being in a (possibly monogamous) relationship' isn't precisely an orientation, but a different circumstance that should probably be accounted for somewhat separately.
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Yuugasa, something you can also do is focus on taking care and loving yourself rather than spending so much energy on the external world. While you may look at your life and see all these flaws, which in turn encourages you further to look outside, it could greatly benefit you to focus inward, no matter how painful it might be, and find solace in improving and taking care of yourself; as well as finding a way to appreciate the lovely things about you, instead of focusing on all the ways you don't meet your expectations (which you might find out later on, are also the expectations placed upon you by other people, rather than things you truly feel about yourself).
You don't have to care about people who don't care about you. It's okay to keep your feelings to yourself until someone proves themselves worthy of them by treating you with respect and affection. :)
I take care of myself pretty well, both mentally and physically.
I also love myself and enjoy who I am, though I have completely lost any idea of my being a special snowflake, at least any more special than any of the other snowflakes in the blizzard. I don't think that is a bad thing though.
It's not so much that I see myself as really flawed and a disappointment, more that I am finally old enough and mature enough to see more of the reality of myself than simply believing in the ideas of my ideal self.
While I learn and grow and work as is natural in living life I've actually kinda given up on the idea of improving myself as a way to make myself more happy. I have my good traits and my bad traits like everyone else but I learning more to just accept myself as I am in the moment, rather than pushing myself to be some awesome person further down the road where I'll be great and good and victorious over life and whatever other fantasies appeal to me.
You are only truly ever alive right now. Even when you think of the future or past that is happening in the here and now, for me it's more about appreciating the goodness of the present moment, even if it is sometimes unpleasant, than striving to attain an ideal state where I will be perfectly happy somewhere down the road.
Also, It's not that I feel obligated to love everyone, rather that is something I already do naturally, I just want to focus on that inclination more. I want to be for others what I wish I could have more of myself, if they reciprocate, cool, if not, that's cool too.
I guess really it's just that I believe everyone in the world is worthy of respect and love, just by being a person.
Tangentially related questioned - I lived in the UK, the bundle-of-sticks slur was for specifically bundles of stcks, cigarettes, and people of an exceedingly campy artistic temperment, ironically enough prefaced with the word art specifically.
Well, the short and long forms are two separate words in the UK, where the latter refers to cigarettes (and previously to younger boys at boarding school), whereas the former refers to meatballs and historically to bundles of sticks.
That said, since I don't associate with homophobes or schoolchildren, I don't know how the offensive uses of those words has evolved in the UK in the last twenty years.
Tangentially related questioned - I lived in the UK, the bundle-of-sticks slur was for specifically bundles of stcks, cigarettes, and people of an exceedingly campy artistic temperment, ironically enough prefaced with the word art specifically.Well, the short and long forms are two separate words in the UK, where the latter refers to cigarettes (and previously to younger boys at boarding school), whereas the former refers to meatballs and historically to bundles of sticks.
That said, since I don't associate with homophobes or schoolchildren, I don't know how the offensive uses of those words has evolved in the UK in the last twenty years.
Lucky you. -_-
For me the use originated in school, carried over to the cigs and sticks (though never to meatballs, only the one thing that I forgot earlier - pork sausages), and then to pretentious individuals of the overly artistic temperament who were as frequently described as slang terms combining t, w, and maybe a bit of at-sign.
Yet for all that, it was never connected to actual orientation for me until I was back in the US. Which made for very prompt curtailment of its use.
The last time I heard it used in short form without malice was when my Nana stepped outside for a wee puff, as she'd just opened a fresh pack.
Just a random note: I've been thinking recently about how much age really is just a number. Evidence
As much as people make fun of Madonna for acting like she is 21 when she is closer to 60 than 50 she really does seem young at heart and even in touch with what's happening with people many decades her junior(on the entertainment side at least). Though I'm sure she had some help that song has nicely blended dubstep and everyone's outfits are pretty accurate for the silly crap people wear in clubs.
Though she is prolly as old as any two other people in that video put together it doesn't slow her down at all.
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Another random note: This video. Just cause it's awesome.
Ech. I might watch the second video later without sound.
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Another random note: This video. Just cause it's awesome.
I would like this to be a full-length movie now, please.
And I just realised that I got those two round the wrong way. The three-letter version is a cigarette and the six-letter variant a meatball. :)
Yuugasa, (and everyone else living in a conservative place where you feel like you don't fit in) please, PLEASE come to NYC for a visit. Whoever you are, there are people here who are into your type. If you feel like you don't fit in where you are, that might be because where you are is judgmental and lame. Maybe you live in an OK place, but it's just not a good fit for YOU.
I was in Manhattan yesterday and EVERYTHING was like super triple rainbowed out. Not just the area around the pride parade, (I got to ride some wheelies down a closed off 5th avenue!) but the whole place! Acceptance and freedom were just floating in the air (although that might have been diesel exhaust and weed smoke).
You don't have to come for Pride Day/ week/ month, but just come here while the weather is warm. Hang out in the parks, visit the beach, bike around, just hang out. We have amazing buildings and locations, and some of the most beautiful people in the world.
Disclaimer: Staten Island has been disowned by NYC. NYC is a loud, dirty, racist hellhole. Rent and everything else costs too much money. It is crawling with cops, obnoxious locals, people from NJ, and tourists from around the world. But who cares, come for a visit. Don't forget your bike!
If I ever have enough money I might....though I probably would consider San Francisco or Oakland first.
The problems...I just don't have enough dang money to go there and keep up the lifestyle to which I enjoy...
I think it would cost me at least a million a year to do there what I can do where I live currently...and more in San Fran.
Which is perhaps one of the obstacles right there.
The other one is that my spouse, they do a lot of stuff where there is wilderness, animals, and things like that, as well as charting and other items. They love it and love being in the middle of nowhere...as many would see it.
But if I ever got filthy rich...I might at least try to get out to one of the major cities and get something like a penthouse for a year to live in...that's one of those...if I were ever super filthy rich with more money than I could dream of...type things I'd like to do some day.
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If you actually know that two people are monogamous, then it certainly is rude to ask them to break that promise. I just don't agree that you can safely assume what other people's relationship agreements are without asking.
Agreed completely, which is why I suggested asking about that rather than assuming anything specific.
Or that it's reasonable to believe that someone is asking you to break a promise when they have no way of knowing whether you have made one.
Believe? Oh, yeah, that's be unreasonable. But I'm not talking about them actually believing that that's what is going on. I'm talking about their emotional reaction to being asked, which is definitionally irrational, and can be very unpleasant if it makes them feel that their honesty/trustworthiness is being called into question even if they know logically that that's not the intent.
Clarifying the situation first avoids that potentially unpleasant emotional experience on their end, and thus seems worth doing. There are certainly other ways to avoid provoking that reaction (the one you noted previously where your friends introduce the nature of their own relationship in detail, for example)...but my point is that you need some such prep-work/buffer in order to avoid potentially causing some emotional pain.
It's probably more sensitive to ask about that subject before hopping right into the propositioning, though.
That's honestly pretty much what I'm advocating here.
You can also insult poly people very successfully by assuming that their partner is the gatekeeper of their sexual choices or has any say over them. That's guaranteed to be highly annoying to a subset of poly folks who do not wish to be treated as the property of their equal adult partner(s).
Oh, absolutely. Which really just reinforces (to me at least) the idea that asking how people's existing relationship works before hitting on them is the right order of operations in most situations.
The only way to know whether you're making an insulting assumption in either direction is to ask. Or not to ask, if it's not socially appropriate to do so, and then refrain from making any invitations whose politeness is contingent on knowing that stuff.
This is, to be clear, precisely what I'm advocating doing.
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@GreyWolfLord:
You should also consider doing some research on less socially conservative places that meet your other criteria.
For example, I live in Missoula, Montana, and while it's almost certainly not exactly the bastion of tolerance somewhere like San Francisco can claim to be, it's a pretty socially liberal city by most standards and certainly extremely so by the standards of Montana. And meets most, if not all, of your other criteria. I mean, the job market is less than good, but living costs aren't super-high and there's plenty of wilderness real close to the city.
I'm not necessarily arguing you (or anyone) should move to Missoula specifically (though I certainly like it here, and the only bigotry any of my LGBT friends have had here that I've heard of came from a Saudi exchange student).
I'm simply making a note, for both you and other people considering a move, that even if you can't afford to go to New York or San Francisco, if you're living somewhere super socially conservative there are places that, if not as supportive as the big names, are still quite a bit better than where you are now.
@-Shadow Knight 12 Sorry if my response to you seemed overly contrary, I was just explaining my situation more, not trying to say you didn't have something good to say.
In my case when I say I'm 999,999 in a million, I suck at almost everything, and I never fit in, it isn't because I have low self esteem or think badly of myself, it's cause I legitimately suck at most everything, lol.
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@-Shadow Knight 12 Sorry if my response to you seemed overly contrary, I was just explaining my situation more, not trying to say you didn't have something good to say.
In my case when I say I'm 999,999 in a million, I suck at almost everything, and I never fit in, it isn't because I have low self esteem or think badly of myself, it's cause I legitimately suck at most everything, lol.
Well then you should stop thinking everything is M&Ms.
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I will say though I do have some blessings in my life that are pretty nice, so it's not all gloom. One thing that used to be a big problem for me is how girly my face is, for most of my life it has been something people have made fun of me for but as a transwoman that former weakness is actually a huge boon as it takes very little for me to pass easily.
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Well then you should stop thinking everything is M&Ms.@-Shadow Knight 12 Sorry if my response to you seemed overly contrary, I was just explaining my situation more, not trying to say you didn't have something good to say.
In my case when I say I'm 999,999 in a million, I suck at almost everything, and I never fit in, it isn't because I have low self esteem or think badly of myself, it's cause I legitimately suck at most everything, lol.
Well, there are some things I enjoy sucking on...I mean at.
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Well, there are some things I enjoy sucking on...I mean at.Well then you should stop thinking everything is M&Ms.@-Shadow Knight 12 Sorry if my response to you seemed overly contrary, I was just explaining my situation more, not trying to say you didn't have something good to say.
In my case when I say I'm 999,999 in a million, I suck at almost everything, and I never fit in, it isn't because I have low self esteem or think badly of myself, it's cause I legitimately suck at most everything, lol.
Yes, so go suck on/at things you enjoy than on things you don't enjoy.
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Are we just... not doing phrasing anymore? 'Cause that's fine... but if we;'re doing something else and no one told me, that's not fine.
<3
Archer is the greatest show ever.
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This past weekend I went out with some friends and had a series of interactions that my wife and have been talking about the past few days because so many interesting gender and perception based curious things popped up.
So when going out recently I've let my wife and friends dress me and do my make up because my own efforts where such a failure and it has made me look pretty good, enough so that men approach me routinely when I'm in a club or bar.
So we are at this new place and we have a table that's raised to one side of the dance floor and it's myself, my wife and two of my straight friends, we'll call them Matt and Claire(names changed to protect the innocent, except not really because those are their real names=D)
Matt is a cool guy, but he doesn't really matter for this story, Claire though I should describe as the context matters.
Claire is prolly the most successful of any of my friends as she actually has the career she wants and is an incredible athlete but despite being successful she has some struggles in the romantic arena.
While she is very pretty and proportionally built she is a big woman, I think like 6'4 and broad shouldered, so despite the fact that she is pretty most men are intimidated by her.
She's one of my favorite people, when I first met her and she was talking about how she intimidates people I joked I was afraid of her but just because I didn't know there were female members of the Adeptus Astartes, another nerd reference like the ones I often make that no one I know gets but she actually understood the reference!
Awesome! (well I also like her cause on a hike once I sprained my ankle trying to show off like an idiot climbing trees and she carried me like 10 miles to safety in her arms like a baby, but we don't talk about that, I have a rep to maintain after all!)
Anyway while usually it's my wife that get most of the male attention this night I was killing it and getting approached over and over again.
I was enjoying it a lot, I've never been someone people often thought worth approaching as a male and it really is something new and novel to be seen as attractive. It's something I'm sure women get tired of very fast but to me, at least currently, I really like the attention.
So I am politely and nicely turning people down when I notice Claire is looking down and when I ask her about it she says:
"I'm not trying to be a downer but I've been sitting here realizing that my friend, who is a boy, physically speaking, is getting more men to hit on her in one night than I've had in the last ten years. I'm not trying to offend you or be a downer, but it is what it is."
I wasn't offended but it did make me more aware of how the situation was making her feel so when a guy came over from a group of like a dozen friends I told him I was transgender and to tell his friends, thinking that would be enough to stop the attention. So he shrugs and leaves and Claire says I didn't need to do that just to keep the men away for her sake but I said it was cool, It's what's up anyway, they prolly should know the truth anyway.
So like ten minutes later a guy from that same group comes over and starts hitting on me and I'm laughing because I figure I guess in this guys case at least it doesn't matter I'm trans.
Then suddenly he turns directly to Claire and is like; "I just want you to know that I'm totally cool with transgender people."
So all four of us look startled and he realizes he said something wrong but can't figure out what so he beats a hasty retreat.
Then Claire takes a drink, stands up and jokes; "Well, It was nice hanging with you all but I'm off to kill myself."
Though that incident actually turned her mood around as she saw the humor in the whole thing it started us on a deep conversation for the rest of the night about how women are treated in this world and how even if you have even one thing "out of place" about you people will treat you badly, ignore you, or think you're weird.
While the conversation began in the realm of talking about attraction between people it evolved into talking about all the million ways society treats women and it has made me start to realize something:
Long story short: you just can't win as a women in this society, it just doesn't matter, you can be "Perfect" in every way and our society will always still find a reason to s#*! on you and tell you there is something wrong with you or there is some reason you're not good enough.
It just made me realize that as much as I've been focused on the way trans people are treated and as thrilled as I have been to pass and be accepted as a woman my problems are really just starting, lol.
I have long been a feminist and have paid close attention to women's issues but now that I'm at the point of being truly accepted as a woman by strangers as well as friends I feel I'm starting to truly know what it means to be looking down the barrel of that gun, even as I enjoy some of the positive attention I'm receiving.
Oh well, life is never easy and anyone who says different is either ridiculous lucky in life or is selling something. =D
Archer is the greatest show ever.Are we just... not doing phrasing anymore? 'Cause that's fine... but if we;'re doing something else and no one told me, that's not fine.
<3
it has been downgraded to "okay" as a result of archer vice.
This past weekend I went out with some friends and had a series of interactions that my wife and have been talking about the past few days because so many interesting gender and perception based curious things popped up.
** spoiler omitted **...
wow x 2.
Re: The last line, something my best friend said years ago keeps ringing true, and I think it may be good advice for my sons (if I have any) or my nephews (who will be visiting soon): it's called "getting lucky" for a reason. So much of intimacy(especially the brief variety) is wrapped up in dumb luck that it isn't funny. I don't think anyone "wins" so much as they simply loudly crow about the streak of luck they are experiencing.
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it has been downgraded to "okay" as a result of archer vice.Archer is the greatest show ever.Are we just... not doing phrasing anymore? 'Cause that's fine... but if we;'re doing something else and no one told me, that's not fine.
<3
For which reason? (Not saying there aren't very legitimate reasons - the opening of Smuggler's Blues comes to mind.)
Just curious. ^_^
it has been downgraded to "okay" as a result of archer vice.Archer is the greatest show ever.Are we just... not doing phrasing anymore? 'Cause that's fine... but if we;'re doing something else and no one told me, that's not fine.
<3
I actually like vice alot, to me it is still as funny, it just goes in another direction. =)
This past weekend I went out with some friends and had a series of interactions that my wife and have been talking about the past few days because so many interesting gender and perception based curious things popped up.
** spoiler omitted **...
wow x 2.
Re: The last line, something my best friend said years ago keeps ringing true, and I think it may be good advice for my sons (if I have any) or my nephews (who will be visiting soon): it's called "getting lucky" for a reason. So much of intimacy(especially the brief variety) is wrapped up in dumb luck that it isn't funny. I don't think anyone "wins" so much as they simply loudly crow about the streak of luck they are experiencing.
Well, and add to that the fact that every man I've ever known who thought it was important how much random sex he was having was demonstrably lying about how often he had said sex.
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Another random note: This video. Just cause it's awesome.
I would see that full-lenth movie in a heartbeat! Take my money!
I loved all the allusions to other sci-fi/fantasy/action movies/TV...
Watchmen
The Matrix
The Bionic Woman
Tron
The Fifth Element
The Road Warrior
Kill Bill
Blade Runner
Fight Club
...and more that I can't quite place!
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"Long story short: you just can't win as a women in this society, it just doesn't matter, you can be "Perfect" in every way and our society will always still find a reason to s$~# on you and tell you there is something wrong with you or there is some reason you're not good enough."
Well, it is probably worse for women, but if it is any consolation, many men have the same feelings. I think it can be traced largely to two factors in out society:
1) Constant bombardment with photoshoped images. No matter what people do, they won't look like the person in the ad, because that person only exists in photoshop.
2) An economy based on selling people consumer items. The bottom line is that telling people there is something wrong with them is a great way to make them spend money. Cosmetics, dieting, penis/breast enlargement, hair restoration/removal, etc. Are BIG business.
My point is that many feelings of not being good enough come from a lifetime of watching ads whose sole purpose is to make you feel inadequate. Don't believe the hype.
Lissa- I am not sure I saw the event you refer to, I haven't seen the whole series.
I can see what you mean about not wanting Mia representing the trans community. Trans women are presented in the media as killers, it started with "Silence of the Lambs" as far as I know, quite often. I don't know of even a single instance of this happening in real life. There probably is one or two, but as for trans people being inclined to serious crime... certainly not.
From what I saw, Mia wasn't obviously mentally ill, or not as I saw it. Had a lot to deal with yes.
Sleepaway Camp is older. 1983. Although that movie could be considered a subversion as the boy's uncle forced him to dress like a girl.
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This past weekend I went out with some friends and had a series of interactions that my wife and have been talking about the past few days because so many interesting gender and perception based curious things popped up.
** spoiler omitted **...
I've been told by friends of Octavia Butler that she was often read as trans because she was a tall black woman. There was an especially egregious story I've heard which took place at a WorldCon in Russia -- so it's not just a US thing. It's also part of why there are persistent false rumors of her being a lesbian.
These same friends tell me that part of being a black woman in our society is a persistent masculinization whenever you get outside of a very narrow band Western beauty standards. (This is true to a certain extent for all women, but I'm told it is *especially* pervasive for black women.) Masculinization of women is a common part of "othering" them.
Nothing I've ever experienced personally (I'm white), but it's something I've heard described *repeatedly*.
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Sleepaway Camp is older. 1983.Lissa- I am not sure I saw the event you refer to, I haven't seen the whole series.
I can see what you mean about not wanting Mia representing the trans community. Trans women are presented in the media as killers, it started with "Silence of the Lambs" as far as I know, quite often. I don't know of even a single instance of this happening in real life. There probably is one or two, but as for trans people being inclined to serious crime... certainly not.
From what I saw, Mia wasn't obviously mentally ill, or not as I saw it. Had a lot to deal with yes.
Psycho is older still.
Well, and add to that the fact that every man I've ever known who thought it was important how much random sex he was having was demonstrably lying about how often he had said sex.This past weekend I went out with some friends and had a series of interactions that my wife and have been talking about the past few days because so many interesting gender and perception based curious things popped up.
** spoiler omitted **...
wow x 2.
Re: The last line, something my best friend said years ago keeps ringing true, and I think it may be good advice for my sons (if I have any) or my nephews (who will be visiting soon): it's called "getting lucky" for a reason. So much of intimacy(especially the brief variety) is wrapped up in dumb luck that it isn't funny. I don't think anyone "wins" so much as they simply loudly crow about the streak of luck they are experiencing.
Even though I am an ally and overall supportive, something is leaving my feeling obtuse and/or stupid, and it's probably due to a misunderstanding, so I will save it for PM if I opt to follow up on this.
I will say this, though - I really don't know how to feel or what to say regarding your friend, as I am lousy st relationships, advice, or permutations of the two, but my obliviously cis-male hetero perspective is somewhat torn between the obvious desire to not objectify and be all "rah rah equality and no body shaming!" and feeling all patronizingly "d'awwwww" and feel bad for how that went down, and also dealing with the uncomfortable knowledge that, depending on where on the sliding scale of the Williams sisters and, say, Yvette Bova, who is not someone to GIS with safe search off at work, said friend may be, that the part that does objectify points and yells "THIS IS MY FETISH."
Which is unfair. And jerkish. And uncomfortably hilarious, even to myself.
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@-Shadow Knight 12 Sorry if my response to you seemed overly contrary, I was just explaining my situation more, not trying to say you didn't have something good to say.
In my case when I say I'm 999,999 in a million, I suck at almost everything, and I never fit in, it isn't because I have low self esteem or think badly of myself, it's cause I legitimately suck at most everything, lol.
It's fine, no worries, it's just the scientist in me. "Is something in your life not to your liking? We can change it. We have the technology!" So it's mostly a philosophical discrepancy. :P
Long story short: you just can't win as a women in this society, it just doesn't matter, you can be "Perfect" in every way and our society will always still find a reason to s!!$ on you and tell you there is something wrong with you or there is some reason you're not good enough.
This is literally why we still need feminism in spite of whatever nonsense people might say to the contrary. In fact, I would say that right now, we're probably in one of the most dangerous times to be in, because feminism is finally starting to address the deeply rooted issues of male entitlement and ancient patriarchal mores, and that's generating a pushback, as long-held beliefs are finally being questioned and people are reacting dangerously and irrationally (which is psychologically understandable, mind you, because that's a normal response to having a core belief challenged, but it doesn't make it any less dangerous).
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These same friends tell me that part of being a black woman in our society is a persistent masculinization whenever you get outside of a very narrow band Western beauty standards. (This is true to a certain extent for all women, but I'm told it is *especially* pervasive for black women.) Masculinization of women is a common part of "othering" them.
On NPR's "Morning Edition" this morning, they played an interview with African-American ballet dancer Misty Copeland.
In it, she talks about dealing with critics who assume she's bigger/stronger/bustier/unsubtler than she really is, just because she's black.
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"Long story short: you just can't win as a women in this society, it just doesn't matter, you can be "Perfect" in every way and our society will always still find a reason to s$~# on you and tell you there is something wrong with you or there is some reason you're not good enough."
Well, it is probably worse for women, but if it is any consolation, many men have the same feelings. I think it can be traced largely to two factors in out society:
1) Constant bombardment with photoshoped images. No matter what people do, they won't look like the person in the ad, because that person only exists in photoshop.
2) An economy based on selling people consumer items. The bottom line is that telling people there is something wrong with them is a great way to make them spend money. Cosmetics, dieting, penis/breast enlargement, hair restoration/removal, etc. Are BIG business.My point is that many feelings of not being good enough come from a lifetime of watching ads whose sole purpose is to make you feel inadequate. Don't believe the hype.
While I hear what you are saying the issues are a lot deeper and stronger than that and the issues can be mostly referred to with the word sexism.
That spoiled post was actually originally about twice as long as I explained alot of the conversations we had but then I realized I was using the word sexism a whole lot and, given that I don't want to start a flame war and acknowledging sexism is a big deal, much less ranting about it for a dozen paragraphs, is a great way to sour a conversation on the interwebz I decided to erase the rant bit and simply refer to sexism in a more oblique and brief way at the end of my silly story.
I think it kinda had the effect of making my tale seem a bit trite and as if it was all about looks more than anything deeper but oh well, in the world of the interwebz where even saying sexism is still a big issue at all much less going on about it can sour things bad I decided to leave off rather than risk exploding a nice thread.
So, I hear what you are saying and you are right about that particular bit but women have way, way more heavy things to deal with than body image issues, though it may not have been clear from my post.