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Rysky wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Also Mrs. Crystal, with the advent of Shardra and Kolo McBadass has their been any thought about making a "twin-soul" archetype for classes? Sorry if this is rude, just a thought I had.
Nothing official, and I certainly wouldn't want to turn anyone's real-world spirituality into game mechanics, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a little notebook full of trans-related gaming notes.
Okies, and any of those notes you can share?

Since you're a contributor now, Crystal, I don't want to stop you from inserting bits here and there into Golarion canon, but... have you considered writing a 3PP LGBT-flavor "sociology" book(s) for Pathfinder races? I'd definitely buy it.

Edit: Now I'm picturing Carmen Carrera and Andreja Pejic as quintessential exemplars of lashunta and elven women, respectively.

Liberty's Edge Contributor

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Also Mrs. Crystal, with the advent of Shardra and Kolo McBadass has their been any thought about making a "twin-soul" archetype for classes? Sorry if this is rude, just a thought I had.
Nothing official, and I certainly wouldn't want to turn anyone's real-world spirituality into game mechanics, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a little notebook full of trans-related gaming notes.
Okies, and any of those notes you can share?

Since you're a contributor now, Crystal, I don't want to stop you from inserting bits here and there into Golarion canon, but... have you considered writing a 3PP LGBT-flavor "sociology" book(s) for Pathfinder races? I'd definitely buy it.

Edit: Now I'm picturing Carmen Carrera and Andreja Pejic as quintessential exemplars of lashunta and elven women, respectively.

Had I nothing but money, I would love that. But I doubt a product like that would sell even remotely well enough to pay back the time investment on writing, illustration, and designing it. Now that I am supporting myself solely by my writing and art, I need to carefully weigh how I spend my time (which, sadly, is proving a lot more difficult than I expected).


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Crystal Frasier wrote:
Had I nothing but money, I would love that. But I doubt a product like that would sell even remotely well enough to pay back the time investment on writing, illustration, and designing it. Now that I am supporting myself solely by my writing and art, I need to carefully weigh how I spend my time (which, sadly, is proving a lot more difficult than I expected).

You wouldn't necessarily need to be doing it entirely by yourself. There's other folks who'd be willing and happy to contribute.


Crystal Frasier wrote:
Had I nothing but money, I would love that. But I doubt a product like that would sell even remotely well enough to pay back the time investment on writing, illustration, and designing it. Now that I am supporting myself solely by my writing and art, I need to carefully weigh how I spend my time (which, sadly, is proving a lot more difficult than I expected).

I hadn't noticed your avatar's "golem" symbol had been replaced with the Andoren faction symbol.

When did you make the move from employee to freelancer?


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TanithT wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Had I nothing but money, I would love that. But I doubt a product like that would sell even remotely well enough to pay back the time investment on writing, illustration, and designing it. Now that I am supporting myself solely by my writing and art, I need to carefully weigh how I spend my time (which, sadly, is proving a lot more difficult than I expected).
You wouldn't necessarily need to be doing it entirely by yourself. There's other folks who'd be willing and happy to contribute.

For the third time today, I am pondering starting a 3PP.

"Ink-Stained Dretch Studios"?


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Come this Saturday, I'll have the free time to join you. Got some packing today and I leave for greener pastures tomorrow.


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A friend of mine and I are planning on opening a 3PP, Crystal. While an entire book would not be feasible, we could definitely have venues for this sort of thing. Contact me for more info! :)

Liberty's Edge Contributor

Haladir wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Had I nothing but money, I would love that. But I doubt a product like that would sell even remotely well enough to pay back the time investment on writing, illustration, and designing it. Now that I am supporting myself solely by my writing and art, I need to carefully weigh how I spend my time (which, sadly, is proving a lot more difficult than I expected).

I hadn't noticed your avatar's "golem" symbol had been replaced with the Andoren faction symbol.

When did you make the move from employee to freelancer?

A little over a month ago. I'd been staying on for the past year or so mostly to do odd jobs helping our Liz and Robot, and focusing more of my energy on writing. With some of the new reorganization going on in the tech team, it was a good time for me to make the jump to freelancing.


Odraude wrote:
Come this Saturday, I'll have the free time to join you. Got some packing today and I leave for greener pastures tomorrow.

Have a good trip, Odraude.


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Thanks. I made it down in one piece, through literal hail, thunderstorm, and Floridian drivers. Some how made it.

Silver Crusade

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Odraude wrote:
Thanks. I made it down in one piece, through literal hail, thunderstorm, and Floridian drivers. Some how made it.

Love always finds a way!


Odraude wrote:
Thanks. I made it down in one piece, through literal hail, thunderstorm, and Floridian drivers. Some how made it.

It's gotta be the state because both visitors and natives are equally terrible.

Glad you made it safe!


Rysky wrote:
Odraude wrote:
Thanks. I made it down in one piece, through literal hail, thunderstorm, and Floridian drivers. Some how made it.
Love always finds a way!

Love with a dash of manic impatience :D


Duh. Another political stupidity. A grassroot project of law was just introduced to Polish Sejm effectively penalizing sexual education, including by child's parents... If that project would be turned into law parent handling a condom to own 14 year child could be fined or even possibly get up to two years sentence. It got 250 thousand of signatures from supporting citizens.

If I had children I would probably be canceling my ticket back to Poland.


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Hopefully the chances for that legislation crap are slim. Hopefully...


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So I've been lurking this thread for awhile, and now that I finally have the courage to post something…
Hi.
I currently identify as transmale, and I'm in the process of opening up to the people I trust & reaching out to communities about my transition. I'm not at the point where I'm ready to be fully open, but getting there is a goal of mine. I'm stuck between wanting to share my self discovery with the world, and feeling the need to cover it up as much as possible, so that i don't lose people in my life (namely, family).
I don't have very many non-cis non-hetero friends in my circle, and I've grown up with very little influence beyond the cis-straight-white community (lived in a small town my entire life, and in fact, during my high school years there was controversy over the drama club performing a play that brought light to the prosecution of homosexuality. Sigh), so this transition has been mostly me trying to 'figure stuff out' on my own.

I guess I'm looking for advice, and/or personal experiences here. How did you handle/go about the transition? How did you open up to friends/family? What was their reaction?

Also, being really foreign to the LGBTQ community, I apologize if I use any terms/ say anything that's considered inappropriate. Or seem completely out of the loop on stuff.

Edit: Also, I'd like to thank Crystal for making up an item for FtM PCs in the Shaman thread, just based on my request. You're absolutely wonderful :)


Hi, folks.

I'm looking for a little advice here regarding whether or not to run something in my home game.

I'm considering pulling a certain encounter from Curse of the Lady's Light into my game that has some gender-bending possibilities. At the same time, I'm slightly hesitant to run it fearing that I might trivialize the trans* experience.

Spoilers for Shattered Star:
The encounter where a PC might get killed and resurrected into a clone body Runelord Sorshen.

All of my PCs are male. (I have one female player.) We're all cisgendered AFAIK. I'm really not sure how some of my players would react to suddenly becoming female. Is that going to induce gender dysphoria in an otherwise cisgendered character? Im pretty sure that we're all mature enough players to handle it, but I don't want to trivialize anyone.

Should I run this or not?


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In_digo wrote:

So I've been lurking this thread for awhile, and now that I finally have the courage to post something…

Hi.
I currently identify as transmale, and I'm in the process of opening up to the people I trust & reaching out to communities about my transition. I'm not at the point where I'm ready to be fully open, but getting there is a goal of mine. I'm stuck between wanting to share my self discovery with the world, and feeling the need to cover it up as much as possible, so that i don't lose people in my life (namely, family).
I don't have very many non-cis non-hetero friends in my circle, and I've grown up with very little influence beyond the cis-straight-white community (lived in a small town my entire life, and in fact, during my high school years there was controversy over the drama club performing a play that brought light to the prosecution of homosexuality. Sigh), so this transition has been mostly me trying to 'figure stuff out' on my own.

I guess I'm looking for advice, and/or personal experiences here. How did you handle/go about the transition? How did you open up to friends/family? What was their reaction?

Also, being really foreign to the LGBTQ community, I apologize if I use any terms/ say anything that's considered inappropriate. Or seem completely out of the loop on stuff.

Edit: Also, I'd like to thank Crystal for making up an item for FtM PCs in the Shaman thread, just based on my request. You're absolutely wonderful :)

Welcome, In_digo!

I’ve found the folks on this thread to be wonderful, and elsewhere on these messageboards, generally, when I dabble outside of here and a couple of play-by-post games. I’m a trans woman who’s recently started her transition, and I’d be happy to offer a cheery wave as someone headed in another direction than the one you’re taking, along with some personal experiences, if you think that would be helpful.

I don’t think I could give any serious advice, though. You know what they say: “Go not to the elves for counsel…”

When you ask about handling transitions, do you mean how one started it, or later steps? Likewise, do you mean coming out, specifically, when you talk about “opening up” to friends/family? To the extent that I can, I’m willing to talk about any of these.

I should confess, though, that I’m a decadent lady who’s never lived beyond commuting distance of Canada’s major metropoleis, so my perspective will definitely be a bit skewed. 400 000 people is a small-ish town (OK, fine, city :) ) from my point of view, for example.

Welcome again, though, and I’m sure others will be happy to offer their salutations soon as well.


Haladir wrote:

Hi, folks.

I'm looking for a little advice here regarding whether or not to run something in my home game.

I'm considering pulling a certain encounter from Curse of the Lady's Light into my game that has some gender-bending possibilities. At the same time, I'm slightly hesitant to run it fearing that I might trivialize the trans* experience.

** spoiler omitted **

All of my PCs are male. (I have one female player.) We're all cisgendered AFAIK. I'm really not sure how some of my players would react to suddenly becoming female. Is that going to induce gender dysphoria in an otherwise cisgendered character? Im pretty sure that we're all mature enough players to handle it, but I don't want to trivialize anyone.

Should I run this or not?

I should really get some sleep, but I was intrigued and somewhat moved by your question. I haven’t played Shattered Star, so I’m basing my reply entirely on what’s in your spoiler. Depending on how you get along with your players, I think you could make it work, particularly if your group engages strongly with your campaign world, but also, a bit paradoxically, if your games are more casual.

Personally, if I were one of your players, I wouldn’t mind it if it could become an appropriately crucial part of my PC, or, conversely, if there was a consensus around the table that it would really be a serious thing for my PC, but this time around we’re playing “kick-in-the-door” (speed run?) style and not worrying about resurrection trauma and such, so we’ll handle it equally briskly and unrealistically. I would find it most difficult, myself, if there was some unspoken middle ground to negotiate, rather than knowing either that I can take as much time as I feel necessary to explore the situation in-character, or that we’re not doing that this time (if it’s clear that nonetheless the intent is not to trivialize trans* folks’ experiences). I would hate to hear something like, “Gee, Q., I’m sorry that Blackleaf effectively became trans*, and I’m sure it’s really important to her, but we’re getting a bit sidetracked here.” I guess just make sure that everyone’s on board with how much game time people are willing to spend on it.

If the possibility for this sort of body horror had not been mooted previously, I would also prefer to be reminded explicitly after the encounter that remedies like the ACG’s elixir of sex shift (the transgender elixir that was) exist.

Lastly, maybe you could have a careful conversation with your players saying that there are some potentially horrific things that could happen in the next adventure as it stands, and asking them to define their limits, and even if they would mind a general spoiler about what sorts of things were involved. I know I would appreciate it if GMs worried about triggers told me upfront what they are.

Scenario-specific details:
As to the implications of this particular encounter, I think it depends on how you decide resurrection and souls work both generally and specifically in your campaign.
If souls have a fixed gender, I would imagine that cramming a man’s soul into a woman’s body would induce gender dysphoria, unless mortals’ souls can just ride bodies. On the other hand, if, as in some forms of reincarnation, a soul’s gender can shift depending on its incarnation, if you decide to run things that way in your campaign and that the clone resurrection is effectively a greatly accelerated but still organic process mostly like that form of reincarnation, maybe not. The process doesn’t need to be foolproof after all, so in the end in this version of things if your group is happy exploring trans* issues, I would let the player decide if the resurrection/reincarnation worked normally.
Specific to this encounter, how likely does the worst-case scenario leave a body sufficiently intact for raise dead, and how powerful/mobile is Sorshen’s clone if it wakes? I wouldn’t raise the possibility so callously in-game, but I would rule that if by heroism or self-slaughter a soul resurrected in the clone finds itself waiting for a body again, it could choose to come back to a body that wasn’t the one it most recently occupied. That’s a really morbid thought, but if your group is eccentric I would leave that option open in case they don’t think of polymorph spells and elixirs first, on the principle that it should be as easy as possible for the players to decide just how long they want to explore the implications of such an encounter. I would also rule generously, unless I knew the group preferred otherwise, about how easy it would be for a PC to get the body back that they were used to, not just one that matched their gender identity. Just some half-baked ideas.

I’m sorry if this is long and rambling; I suppose chatty and sleepy don’t mix well.


In_digo wrote:

So I've been lurking this thread for awhile, and now that I finally have the courage to post something…

Hi.

Welcome, sir!

As Qunnessaa said, you'll find a lot of supportive people in this thread. Like her, I'm another person heading in the other direction, a trans woman a bit of the ways into transition, but with a ways yet to go.

Personally, I found this thread (and to an extent, the larger Paizo messageboard) a useful space to express myself as myself during the months where I was out to a few but still mostly in the closet. And while I did have gay and lesbian friends prior to coming out and starting transition, I knew no trans people, and had to go the figure a lot out on my own as well. It's not always easy, but it can be done. And I've found the trans people in this thread to be very helpful in terms of advice, sharing their own experiences, and lending a sympathetic ear when needed.

To your questions. (I hope these answers aren't too long.)

In_digo wrote:
I guess I'm looking for advice, and/or personal experiences here. How did you handle/go about the transition? How did you open up to friends/family? What was their reaction?

My process was to first learn a lot, including reading a lot. Memoirs can be useful during the initial stages. It might be a little dated now, but you might look at "The Testosterone Files," by Max Wolf Valerio. Others on the thread could probably make more recommendations. (My reading tends to focus on the trans female side of things.) More generally, the more you know about what your needs are, where you intend to go (in terms of transition), and how you can get there, the better off you'll be.

As far as opening up to friends and family, there's obviously no one size fits all approach. You'll be the best judge of who to talk to, when, and how.

My approach was to come out to a small group of friends via a longish email, one or two at a time. (The two at a time was a married couple I'm close friend with.) You'll obviously want to pick people you can trust, and who will support you. Two things I like about the letter approach is that it gives you time to organize and express your thoughts clearly, and it gives the person on the other end time to have whatever initial reaction they need to have to the news (surprise, etc.).

All six friends were surprised, but supportive. Some had a lot of questions, which I answered. For about a year, those six friends were the only ones who knew (besides my therapist and my doctor). Then I came out to my workplace and to my other local friends, and some months after that, to my students (I teach at a university), and then to various long-distance friends, by which point I was fully out and living in my proper gender. I had an advantage in that my department has a long history of being LGB friendly, so I knew not to worry too much about their reaction. (I worried anyways.)

(I am, as far as I know, the first T working in my department, certainly the first out T, but it turns out I wasn't the only trans person who came through it - in the process of coming out to others in the department, I found out that a fellow grad student who'd left the program ages ago, had since come out as a trans man and transitioned. And when I got in touch with old friends to let them know, a couple of them came out to me in turn, as bi or lesbian. That part of it was actually kind of cool, sharing that experience with them.)

Somewhere in there, I came out to my family, via written letter instead of email. I gave them a heads up that an important letter was on the way, and that I'd call them in a couple of days to discuss it. I was very fortunate in that they accepted and supported me. My family also lives in a different part of the country. If you're living at home or close to home, you may need a different approach. And you need to make sure you protect yourself and keep yourself safe (including emotionally).

And somewhere in there, while I was still out only to my six friends, I also started on hormone therapy. The start of HRT was delayed by 6 months because I had to switch insurance carriers, in order to get slight coverage rather than no coverage, in order to make it affordable.

Now, I was very fortunate in that, in terms of coming out, things worked out very well for me. Others in this thread have had much more negative experiences, and that's something you need to prepare for as well. So give the who and when and how of coming out some thought before you pull the trigger on it.

Depending on where you live, you might also check to see if there's a local LGBT center. They can have good resources, in terms of legal information, businesses that are LGBT-safe, etc. They also sometimes have support groups. So you might see if you can find a local trans support group and sit in on some of their meetings. That can also be a good place to ask about good therapists and doctors.

You might also think about meeting with a therapist to discuss where you're at, and where you hope to go. Depending on what country you're in, this might also be a necessary eventual step in the process. Doctors in the US tend to require a letter from a therapist confirming you're trans and would benefit from hormone therapy before they'll begin. Pick your therapist with care, though. Not every therapist knows how to deal with these issues.

Also useful is getting a sense of what's involved medically, if that's the route you decide to take. (And note that not everyone does.)

For me, I found the best distillation of basic medical information in the current WPATH Standards of Care. WPATH is the World Professional Association for Transgender Health. Their standards aren't necessarily going to be followed by every physician, but the SoC can give you a good grasp of what the medical aspects of transition are. And make sure, when you do start, that you ask your doctor questions and keep yourself informed. You have to be the best advocate for you.

Okay, that was long-winded, but hopefully helpful.

Congratulations on building up the courage to post here and introduce yourself and ask these questions. Welcome to the LGBT Gamer Community thread.


Haladir wrote:

Hi, folks.

I'm looking for a little advice here regarding whether or not to run something in my home game.

I'm considering pulling a certain encounter from Curse of the Lady's Light into my game that has some gender-bending possibilities. At the same time, I'm slightly hesitant to run it fearing that I might trivialize the trans* experience.

** spoiler omitted **

All of my PCs are male. (I have one female player.) We're all cisgendered AFAIK. I'm really not sure how some of my players would react to suddenly becoming female. Is that going to induce gender dysphoria in an otherwise cisgendered character? Im pretty sure that we're all mature enough players to handle it, but I don't want to trivialize anyone.

Should I run this or not?

Brief answer (to counterpart and complement Qunnessaa's longer answer):

I think it's a decision for the player to make with regards to their character. If they decide that the character realizes that a female identity is the one they feel most comfortable with, they can run with that. (There's an NPC in the same adventure who experiences more or less the same thing.) On the other hand, if they feel their character still identifies as male, they'd probably make removing the curse (or finding some other solution) a priority.

Gender-change is a long-standing trope of fantasy and, I think, mythology. (I'll bet others on this board would have a better sense of that.) So I don't think that, in and of itself, it trivializes the trans experience, so long as you and your characters don't trivialize the trans experience.

That's my take at this late hour, anyways.

Thank you for asking.

The Exchange

Drejk wrote:

Duh. Another political stupidity. A grassroot project of law was just introduced to Polish Sejm effectively penalizing sexual education, including by child's parents... If that project would be turned into law parent handling a condom to own 14 year child could be fined or even possibly get up to two years sentence. It got 250 thousand of signatures from supporting citizens.

If I had children I would probably be canceling my ticket back to Poland.

Wow. i am trying to learn my Polish roots (grandfather immigrated and was nothing but american, didn't want to talk about it) but i am amazed at that stupidity. Are they really that crazy against sex over there?


Andrew R wrote:
Drejk wrote:

Duh. Another political stupidity. A grassroot project of law was just introduced to Polish Sejm effectively penalizing sexual education, including by child's parents... If that project would be turned into law parent handling a condom to own 14 year child could be fined or even possibly get up to two years sentence. It got 250 thousand of signatures from supporting citizens.

If I had children I would probably be canceling my ticket back to Poland.

Wow. i am trying to learn my Polish roots (grandfather immigrated and was nothing but american, didn't want to talk about it) but i am amazed at that stupidity. Are they really that crazy against sex over there?

It's not clear to me how big a thing this is or how likely it is to pass. 250 thousand sounds like a lot, but it's well under 1% of the population. About half what it takes to get a referendum on the ballot in California, which has a similar population.

That said, Poland does have a restrictive attitude toward sex. Probably the strong Catholic influence.


Andrew R wrote:
Drejk wrote:

Duh. Another political stupidity. A grassroot project of law was just introduced to Polish Sejm effectively penalizing sexual education, including by child's parents... If that project would be turned into law parent handling a condom to own 14 year child could be fined or even possibly get up to two years sentence. It got 250 thousand of signatures from supporting citizens.

If I had children I would probably be canceling my ticket back to Poland.

Wow. i am trying to learn my Polish roots (grandfather immigrated and was nothing but american, didn't want to talk about it) but i am amazed at that stupidity. Are they really that crazy against sex over there?

Most people really don't care - most Poles are Catholics on paper but just for show they are like their neighbors. There is a very vocal minority that is more influential than they should and many politicians are <redacted Polish expression about overzealous servitude> of the highly politicized Polish Catholic Church. There is also a total dumbness among people who treat sex ed as a taboo word... For those idiots minors are completely innocent, asexual beings and teaching them basics about sex will turn them into raging sexaholics. They equate sexual education with promoting pedophilia and corrupting children. Hell, those morons heard projects about teaching kindregarden and school teachers how to react to children masturbation and how to deal with it and started screaming that European Union demands that children will be taught how to masturbate in kindergarten/elementary school.

The exact problem with that project is that it is worded very vaguely and as written it could be used to prosecute parents for telling the children about sex.


thejeff wrote:
Andrew R wrote:
Drejk wrote:

Duh. Another political stupidity. A grassroot project of law was just introduced to Polish Sejm effectively penalizing sexual education, including by child's parents... If that project would be turned into law parent handling a condom to own 14 year child could be fined or even possibly get up to two years sentence. It got 250 thousand of signatures from supporting citizens.

If I had children I would probably be canceling my ticket back to Poland.

Wow. i am trying to learn my Polish roots (grandfather immigrated and was nothing but american, didn't want to talk about it) but i am amazed at that stupidity. Are they really that crazy against sex over there?
It's not clear to me how big a thing this is or how likely it is to pass. 250 thousand sounds like a lot, but it's well under 1% of the population. About half what it takes to get a referendum on the ballot in California, which has a similar population.

Dangerously close to 1% (385 thousands)...

Quote:
That said, Poland does have a restrictive attitude toward sex. Probably the strong Catholic influence.

Its a weird mix, really. Mostly speaking or being too blatant in one's sexuality is the taboo, not the sex itself, even among Catholics. Homophobia and transphobia born of ignorance and taking ick-factor for a legitimate reason for banning anything is quite popular. On the other hand, Poland was the only country of the communist block that hadn't problem with showing naked women in movies and TV since at least late sixties, showed naked women (and an occasional naked men, but not in sexual context) in TV before 22:00 - I remember a scene from a movie where a group of men went to swim and wash themselves in river. I won't count how many times I saw naked boobs in movies. And I am not speaking about porn.

Unlike Soviet Russia, Communist Poland had no law criminalizing homosexuality - for some time there was a law criminalizing homosexual prostitution, though. And yet, during 70s and 80s people were coerced into working for SB by SB threatening to reveal their homosexuality. In fact I recall one heterosexual political activist from that time stating that SB threatened to publish information that during studies he shared room in college dormitory with homosexual student and implying that he was homosexual as well.

It seems to me that it is recent trend of conservative and fundamentalist circles are trying to impose their morality on the rest of the nation as a backlash against (very slowly) growing understanding and more enlightened attitudes among the rest of the population while they still can. There is also a strong tendency among them to solve "problems" with police state methods - banning and criminalizing everything they don't like instead of peacefully and reasonably promoting their stance. Oh, wait, most of their stances are so stupid they cannot be promoted reasonably.

Ugh. End of the rant from me for now...


Not sure if I've mentioned this elsewhere, but if someone wants another book with a lesbian protagonist to read, Django Wexler's series The Shadow Campaigns has just that. (She also dresses like a man, but that's because of her doing a job which in that setting is considered men's work, so no trans* characters yet - but some credit to Wexler for actually showing her be uncomfortable when, after a few years of hiding her sex, she's sent to work undercover as a girl in the second book, and not play it for laughs.)


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Qunnessaa wrote:


Welcome, In_digo!

I’ve found the folks on this thread to be wonderful, and elsewhere on these messageboards, generally, when I dabble outside of here and a couple of play-by-post games. I’m a trans woman who’s recently started her transition, and I’d be happy to offer a cheery wave as someone headed in another direction than the one you’re taking, along with some personal experiences, if you think that would be helpful.

I don’t think I could give any serious advice, though. You know what they say: “Go not to the elves for counsel…”...
When you ask about handling transitions, do you mean how one started it, or later steps? Likewise, do you mean coming out, specifically, when you talk about “opening up” to friends/family? To the extent that I can, I’m willing to talk about any of these.

I should confess, though, that I’m a decadent lady who’s never lived beyond commuting distance of Canada’s major metropoleis, so my perspective will definitely be a bit skewed. 400 000 people is a small-ish town (OK, fine, city :) ) from my point of view, for example.

Welcome again, though, and I’m sure others will be happy to offer their salutations soon as well.

Another Canadian, cool! Nice to meet you.

As for the clarification, I'm not looking so much for advice on the medical side of things as I am looking for advice on the social end of the spectrum. Currently, my major concern is how to come out/ what to be aware of while doing it. I've been looking into a few of the community programs downtown Toronto to connect with others like me, but I live pretty far away (about an hour and a half west by transit), so I'm not sure how sustainable that option is. As far as I know, downtown is the best place for those kind of 'meet & greet' options, though.

KSF wrote:
Welcome, sir!

Thank you for the advice and the links! I'm currently at the stage where two people in my life are aware of my transmale identity (excluding my post on here): My partner, and my therapist. I opened up to my therapist about a year ago, and to my partner about 4-5 months ago. Surgery is definitely a long term goal for me, but being young and still partially dependent on my family's income (I'm currently still a student), I'm saddened to say it may have to wait awhile. A long while. I have pretty right-winged parents, and although they aren't homophobic, they've expressed what I'd describe as 'the minimum standard for being considered open minded' in regards to the LGBTQ community, and I can't imagine they'll be happy with my identity or even take it seriously at all. Coming out to them could either lead to them trying to 'fix' me, or end with me being a homeless, penniless student. I can hope they will accept me, but I just don't really believe it.

I think I'll be going the route you did, and come out to friends at first. I have my partner to support me, so I'm planning to do it face to face. That way I can build up the courage to eventually tell my folks.

It's definitely a relief to speak to someone who's gone through the same transition (well, sort of). I spent a lot of my Gender Dysphoria questioning whether or not I was 'just crazy' for feeling this way. I'm all to happy to leave those thoughts behind.


In_digo wrote:
I've been looking into a few of the community programs downtown Toronto to connect with others like me, but I live pretty far away (about an hour and a half west by transit), so I'm not sure how sustainable that option is. As far as I know, downtown is the best place for those kind of 'meet & greet' options, though.

If you can make it to a meeting or two, and introduce yourself, you might be able to find out if they have a facebook page. I don't go to the meetings of the local trans support group regularly, but I am part of their facebook group, so I'm up to date on what the group is up to, and if need be, I can get in touch with other local trans people pretty easily, either for information or support. (And obviously, you'll want to take all necessary privacy precautions on fb, maybe setting up a new account.)

Glad to hear you have a supportive partner. That's huge.

In_digo wrote:
It's definitely a relief to speak to someone who's gone through the same transition (well, sort of). I spent a lot of my Gender Dysphoria questioning whether or not I was 'just crazy' for feeling this way. I'm all to happy to leave those thoughts behind.

Feels good, doesn't it?


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In_digo wrote:
As for the clarification, I'm not looking so much for advice on the medical side of things as I am looking for advice on the social end of the spectrum. Currently, my major concern is how to come out/ what to be aware of while doing it. I've been looking into a few of the community programs downtown Toronto to connect with others like me, but I live pretty far away (about an hour and a half west by transit), so I'm not sure how sustainable that option is. As far as I know, downtown is the best place for those kind of 'meet & greet' options, though.

Hello again, here are some loosely assorted thoughts, in no particular order. It sounds to me like you’re near one of the ends of the GO network, either Kitchener or Hamilton or thereabouts? My studies recently took me to Waterloo, and there were some groups there that I found helpful, if that’s an option: there’s Spectrum, that hosts a space and collects resources for LGBTQ folks (though they were still getting organized while I was in the area, so my experience with them is confined to the other resources they connected me with and a Rainbow Community Calendar), the Wednesday Night Discussion Group at the University (which welcomes people who aren’t students there), and Torchlight, a peer support group for trans* folks and their families.

As to my personal experiences, I’m still in the early stages of my transition, and I’m taking it rather slowly, because that suits me. Before I looked for professional help, I did a lot of reading: comparing other people’s experiences helped me make better sense of what I was feeling, and gave me ideas of how I might put it in words. I found it really helpful to know what I wanted and when as best as I could. That continues to structure my transition: having made sense of X, at least to my current satisfaction, I set myself to do Y by such-and-such a time, and depending on how that works out, start planning for Z… So I’m gradually expanding the situations and ways in which I’m living the right gender for me.

In relation to coming out, there’s also being out, which is sort of what I’m doing right now – living my life as feels right for me now, and seeing what happens while trying not to worry too much about it. For example, I went casually to a conference earlier this year knowing that I might run into people I had known previously who didn’t know about my transition, and it was fine. In the end, I did run into a couple of people who I think guessed what was going on, but they were polite about it and didn’t ask any inappropriate questions. I’m moving to a new school in the fall, though, and I’ve chosen to try living much more openly then, because my trans* status is known there based on my choice and the paper trail required by my application.

That is to say, sometimes coming out just happens, like, in an LGB context, someone mentioning a same-sex partner in conversation with a casual friend. Close friends and family are probably different, unless one’s comfortable with letting them puzzle together various pieces of one’s life. Like KSF said, you would know best how to come out to whom and when, but here’s a way of thinking about formal comings-out that I found useful: they’re formal reinscriptions of identity and relationships, and that’s a big deal. (So I told my parents, “I am not a man, I am a woman; I am not your son, I am your daughter.” Not so bluntly, of course, but that was the gist of it.) Arguably, these are rituals, rites of passage, except unlike a bat mitzvah or a wedding, where everyone probably has a good idea of what’s going to happen, one may not be sure how one’s community is going to react.

Ideally, there’s preparatory work, so you’re as ready as can be for any eventuality, then the actual coming-out, in a time (and hopefully space) especially set aside for it, and then time for closure, including the processing of negative reactions, if necessary. So I came out to my family by letters, so I could think over and choose my words carefully, but I let my family know that something important was coming, and was able to get them to convene on neutral ground (to avoid “How dare you say this to me in my house!” and such), and I waited for questions and how my relationships with my family might change. I actually based my coming-out, and most of the preceding two paragraphs, on an article on coming out as lesbian/gay in the Journal of Ritual Studies, of all things, but which I found adapted quite nicely to my purposes, since I was coming out as both L and T out of LGBT.

I’m sorry to be so witchy about this. To put it another way, I personally had six years to think about the implications before I came out to my family, but I hadn’t had the experience, while my family, receiving this announcement … well, I can see why it might be quite an adjustment, to the point of something like grief. I’m lucky; my family has been very supportive, without fuss. I went about things more or less the same way with my friends and teachers to whom I’ve come out, with the exception of one friend with whom I was much more casual (it was on a walk in the park) because our paths crossed again after I started my social transition back home, but even so I made sure to establish that I had something important to tell her when we made our plans.

Ugh. Words, words, words! Hopefully there’s something useful in all this. Also, whatever you do, be safe. As much as I'm talking about blithely traipsing around in one's own skin, as it were, I know there are places in southern Ontario that are not very LGBT-friendly, and if you're still dependent on your family, that's another thing to bear in mind.

Liberty's Edge Contributor

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It's lovely to know you're not alone or crazy. Welcome to the clan.


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Gaijatra - Hindu festival taken up by the LGBT community - celebrated yesterday in Nepal

Dark Archive

*enters thread*
*quietly pulls up chair*
*lurks*


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Very good piece on what it feels like to be transgender.

Especially the very last bit:

C.N. Lester wrote:
I’m happy to talk gender theories, gender structures, hierarchies, dissolution all night long – but I need it understood that I didn’t change my body to fulfill a certain niche gender role. I did it so that I could breathe.

Liberty's Edge Contributor

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KSF wrote:

Very good piece on what it feels like to be transgender.

Especially the very last bit:

C.N. Lester wrote:
I’m happy to talk gender theories, gender structures, hierarchies, dissolution all night long – but I need it understood that I didn’t change my body to fulfill a certain niche gender role. I did it so that I could breathe.

AMEN!

If I transitioned to be a stereotypical girly-girl, I have failed miserably.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

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Seconded


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Thirded.


Out of sheer curiosity how many intersexed people are working at Paizo? How many are transitioning/transitioned?

For that matter how many people work at Paizo?

Lastly, I'm fairly certain this is not an offensive question...but not 100% certain. Not meant to be anyways. :)

Liberty's Edge Contributor

Lemartes wrote:

Out of sheer curiosity how many intersexed people are working at Paizo? How many are transitioning/transitioned?

For that matter how many people work at Paizo?

Lastly, I'm fairly certain this is not an offensive question...but not 100% certain. Not meant to be anyways. :)

Paizo has about fifty people if you include the card game folk. We don't discuss biology issues much, though, so I don't know if anyone else in the office was IS


Thanks.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

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Lemartes wrote:
How many are transitioning/transitioned?

I transitioned many moons ago. As far as I know, I'm just transgendered and not intersexed, but those kind of things aren't always obvious.


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Crystal Frasier wrote:
Paizo has about fifty people if you include the card game folk.

oh

those people


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Going back a bit in the conversation, I’d just like to say fourthed, about not transitioning to be a stereotypical girly-girl. Can we say the motion passes? :)

I can imagine that some of my mannerisms might shift to be more conventionally feminine if that ends up feeling right as more people start reading and interacting with me as a woman, but no more than for any young woman figuring out what people expect of her and how much of that tends in a direction she’s interested in going.

I find myself constantly repeating to doctors and therapists that I’m establishing what feels feminine for me, because that’s how I like to think of myself, but I have no interest in setting myself up as the girliest girl ever or in judging people for the ways in which they define and engage with femininity and masculinity (or not), so long as they extend everyone the same courtesy.

Liberty's Edge Contributor

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Lemartes wrote:
How many are transitioning/transitioned?
I transitioned many moons ago. As far as I know, I'm just transgendered and not intersexed, but those kind of things aren't always obvious.

I'll say

Silver Crusade

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Qunnessaa wrote:

Going back a bit in the conversation, I’d just like to say fourthed, about not transitioning to be a stereotypical girly-girl. Can we say the motion passes? :)

I can imagine that some of my mannerisms might shift to be more conventionally feminine if that ends up feeling right as more people start reading and interacting with me as a woman, but no more than for any young woman figuring out what people expect of her and how much of that tends in a direction she’s interested in going.

I find myself constantly repeating to doctors and therapists that I’m establishing what feels feminine for me, because that’s how I like to think of myself, but I have no interest in setting myself up as the girliest girl ever or in judging people for the ways in which they define and engage with femininity and masculinity (or not), so long as they extend everyone the same courtesy.

I think the expectation that trans* people conform to stereotypical notions of how a given gender is supposed to behave ignores that great diversity of people within any gender. In my own experience, I would say that only a minority of the cis-women I have known fit the "girly girl" model, but they are no less women because of it. It is silly that people would hold transwomen to a different standard.


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Go, Oregon!

Liberty's Edge Contributor

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This gives me hope. Oregon and Washington love trying to one-up each other.


That makes me want to move to Oregon even more.

I'm hoping we'll be questing our way into the Pacific Northwest sometime in the next year or so because I'm tired of the angry, conservative-minded (not calling out republicans, conservative) vitriol I have to deal with every day down here in Northwest Florida. Granted, its something I'll never completely escape, but I hear its better up there.

Anyone got any tips for making our way out that way?

Silver Crusade

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Tirisfal wrote:

That makes me want to move to Oregon even more.

I'm hoping we'll be questing our way into the Pacific Northwest sometime in the next year or so because I'm tired of the angry, conservative-minded (not calling out republicans, conservative) vitriol I have to deal with every day down here in Northwest Florida. Granted, its something I'll never completely escape, but I hear its better up there.

Anyone got any tips for making our way out that way?

Keep an eye out for Dysentery.


Rysky wrote:
Tirisfal wrote:

That makes me want to move to Oregon even more.

I'm hoping we'll be questing our way into the Pacific Northwest sometime in the next year or so because I'm tired of the angry, conservative-minded (not calling out republicans, conservative) vitriol I have to deal with every day down here in Northwest Florida. Granted, its something I'll never completely escape, but I hear its better up there.

Anyone got any tips for making our way out that way?

Keep an eye out for Dysentery.

Why would I want to expose my eye to dysentery? ;)

Silver Crusade

Tirisfal wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Tirisfal wrote:

That makes me want to move to Oregon even more.

I'm hoping we'll be questing our way into the Pacific Northwest sometime in the next year or so because I'm tired of the angry, conservative-minded (not calling out republicans, conservative) vitriol I have to deal with every day down here in Northwest Florida. Granted, its something I'll never completely escape, but I hear its better up there.

Anyone got any tips for making our way out that way?

Keep an eye out for Dysentery.
Why would I want to expose my eye to dysentery? ;)

I dunno, whose eyes are they anyway?

*stares down the Pumpkin gourd*

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