Gruumash, Why are you so Awesome?


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If you're so awesome, how come you are dead?


No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.


I will not be held up with trivial details, I want my question answered.


It's probably pining for the fjords.

Liberty's Edge

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! 'E is no more! 'E 'as ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to th' perch 'e'd be pushing up th' daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off th' twig! 'E's kicked th' bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down th' curtain and joined th' bleedin' choir invisible!! This is an ex-parr...uhh..err ex-orc/badger-thing!

Liberty's Edge

Gandelf is awesome.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Who said I was dead? I am right here ready to go.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Threeshades did you have questions about my awesomeness I could answer?


Gruumash., why are you so awesome?


He just issszzz my preciousss


Well I am so awesome because I have worked hard at it but also because I was able to get a good teacher to help me be so awesome. Just remember kids you too can be awesome ...

Actually that is not true I am awesome because I was born that way.


Nature vs. nurture--which is it, Gruumash.?


Letting nature take its course and nurture your death, you French hack.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

I am so awesome it doesn't matter. You french bafoon.


Jeez, guys, I was just asking a question!

[Sniffle]


Casse toi!

Sovereign Court

Jean-Paul it is okay come talk with me I will make it better.


Oh, HO-HO! I will make it all better.

Funky ole sativa.

{twirls stache}


I'll take the latter, please.


Congratulations on your a.k.a., Badgmash..

Liberty's Edge

I'll take the platter.


platter of Awesomeness?

Liberty's Edge

I thought that was yours I was going ot have the platter of greens over here.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Because this needed to be brought back.

Scarab Sages

And you are......?


You want me smash zombie?


Eat earring?


Some sissy half-orc man with rich woman earring and peasant woman headscarf? Methinks there be some unresolved class and gender issues!


Ho, mighty Gruumash, why are you so awesome [swoons] ?


Kullen wrote:
Some sissy half-orc man with rich woman earring and peasant woman headscarf? Methinks there be some unresolved class and gender issues!

Gender issue ? I don't understand how people can be so mean ! Have you no shame, you big grey mean meanie ?

Gruumash is just awesome. And you're jealous.


Aberzombie wrote:
And you are......?

He's Gruumash, duh ! You big doofus [giggles] !


Jean-Paul Sartre, Intrnet Troll wrote:
Congratulations on your a.k.a., Badgmash..

I don't understand what you just said [pouts] ? Why can't people be more clear ? And you misspelled "internet", you big doofus !


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Kullen wrote:
Some sissy half-orc man with rich woman earring and peasant woman headscarf? Methinks there be some unresolved class and gender issues!

Believe me, after hanging out with The Crimson Masque for all of these years, Gruumash. doesn't have any unresolved gender issues.

[Casts unnatural lust.]


Bukkak Insein Yomama wrote:
He just issszzz my preciousss

You are really scary [shudders] ! But at least you understand the awesomeness of mister Gruumash. Well, not everyone can be as handsome as he is, I suppose [laughs] !


Fawning Gruumash Fan wrote:
Jean-Paul Sartre, Intrnet Troll wrote:
Congratulations on your a.k.a., Badgmash..
I don't understand what you just said [pouts] ? Why can't people be more clear ? And you misspelled "internet", you big doofus !

A year later and you're still picking on me? [Sniffles]


Jean-Paul Sartre, Intrnet Troll wrote:
Fawning Gruumash Fan wrote:
Jean-Paul Sartre, Intrnet Troll wrote:
Congratulations on your a.k.a., Badgmash..
I don't understand what you just said [pouts] ? Why can't people be more clear ? And you misspelled "internet", you big doofus !
A year later and you're still picking on me? [Sniffles]

I don't know you, sir ! And you most certainly don't know me !

And anyway "Huis Clos" sucked* ! But I can certainly understand why you would think other people are the problem... [snickers]

* that's a nasty word. You made angry, though, so it's entirely your fault that I used it !


Orc Minion #37 wrote:
You want me smash zombie?

Yes, smash zombies, smash for lister Gruumash !

... ho, you mean Aberzombie ? I don't know if this kind of behavior is tolerated in there !?

EDIT: Ho ! I am so sorry ! I meant mister Gruumash, of course [blushes] !


The Crimson Masque wrote:
Kullen wrote:
Some sissy half-orc man with rich woman earring and peasant woman headscarf? Methinks there be some unresolved class and gender issues!

Believe me, after hanging out with The Crimson Masque for all of these years, Gruumash. doesn't have any unresolved gender issues.

Casts unnatural lust.

Who is this... Crimson Masque ? He doesn't seem the right type for mister Gruumash, umph !


I say.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Wow good to see all the activity here again. As well as glad to see my fans are back. I am sorry for being away so long. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask even if it is not about my awesomeness.

Aberzombie is distressed from having to do all the packing he is doing completely understandable why he is agitated and pretends he does not know who I am. He knows he is just grumpy.

Crimson Masque is a good guy he just gets people into trouble a lot.


Fawning Gruumash Fan wrote:


And anyway "Huis Clos" sucked* ! But I can certainly understand why you would think other people are the problem... [snickers]

A) That wasn't very nice.

B) Listen, you uncultured philistine, Huis Clos was the Parisian theatrical event of 1944, but if you didn't like it, well, I only wrote it in my spare time from fighting the Nazis. What have you ever done?
C) Va te faire [redacted]!

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Now, Now Jean-Paul no reason to get all worked up.

When you are awesome like myself people get all worked up defending my awesomeness it is inevitable. It is like that old 80's ad of don't hate me because I am beautiful. You know the one, same goes for me really don't hate me because I am so awesome.

I mean I am awesome and I can't help it. I certainly understand where the hate comes from jealously but you need to raise above it. Anyways I am here for any questions people might have about my awesomeness. So ask away.

Oh Kullen did have a question about something like why I wear a do rag upon my head? Well the scarf I wear came from a Countess from somewhere we had a great time together. As for the earing well that was another gift from a "friend" Monica Bellucci. Jean-Paul is aware of her long history between Gruumash and Monica.


Monica Belluci ? Why am I not surprised ?

It's a classic case of "Beauty and the Beast" all again !

Also, I thought of myself as an egotist (and justifiably so), but then I noticed the title and the OP of this thread !

Of course, the reason why I am so awesome is self-explanatory... it's my marvelous mane of unruly hair, which makes me the "beau" of the underground gnomish beauty pageant railway system (trust me: you don't want to know) !

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Quiche Lisp. Glad you stopped by. Do you have any questions about my awesomeness?

I am happy to answer questions as long as they are not how can I become as awesome as you. Unfortunately becoming as awesome as me is not really possible for mere mortals. After all I am an Orc god. I transcend mere outward beauty and my inner beauty shines through.

I am glad this thread has gotten so much traffic once again.


Gruumash . wrote:
After all I am an Orc god.

Infidel! Gruumsh is an orc god. You're just misspelled. And have a weird dot after a space, that makes no sense.

So, yeah, I got a question -- are you just awesome in every other way, but not awesome at spelling?


Silence, Knave! I think he's fabulous.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path Subscriber

Why do I need to spell since I am so awesome when I spell something it becomes the new version of the spelling.

As far as being an infidel ... well that is a little incorrect. I believe in gods since I am one.

Honestly my friend I think there are more people who think I am awesome then who think you are awesome. I mean what is with the Z on the forehead anyways? Isn't your name Kullen? Don't you worship Gruumsh? That being the case I am not sure he is going to be all that excited to have one of his faithful with a weird random Z on their forehead.

Anyways keep trying to be awesome like me. While you will never be as awesome as me you might be kinda awesome some day.


(Hangs head in shame) Da "Z" is 'cuz I so dumb. Some orc kids got As in class. Some got Ds or Fs. I got Z.

And then they blast-ganged me in jail in Kirth Gersen's home game, so I'm dead anyway.


Lies, lies! The 'Z' was my doing - I, the finest pork swordsmen in all France and scourge of oppressors everywhere!

(sings) "OUT OF THE NIIIGHT, WHEN THE FULL MOON IS BRIIIIGHT, RIDES THE HORSEMAN KNOWN AS ALPHONSE! THIS BOLD RENEGADE SIGNS AN 'Z' WITH HIS BLADE, AN 'Z' THAT STANDS F..."

Oh bugger.

Anyway, my main reason for posting here was to state that the only person whose glittery britches are more stupendous than mine is the cabbage-hued ubermensch, Gruumash.

Silver Crusade

I gotta get myself my own thread. All the cool kids are doing it!

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