The Pure Line


Round 2: Create a new organization

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

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The Pure Line
Alignment: LE
Headquarters: Cheliax
Leader: Duke Aliomar of Westcrown
Structure: Circle of noble peers
Scope: Regional
Resources: Holdings of numerous southern Avistani nobles, several hidden breeding facilities, and a small fleet of slave transports and other ships

Within the crumbling walls of timeworn keeps and mansions throughout southern Avistan, the once potent blood of the Azlanti grows ever thinner. Worried of what the future holds for their houses, many nobles of Cheliax and Taldor are on constant watch for the seeds of rebellion, lest the fate that befell the highborn of Andoran be cast upon them as well. The Pure Line is a group comprised of power hungry gentry who can trace their lineage back to the ancient Azlanti. They dedicate themselves to maintaining the strength of their bloodlines through careful interbreeding, and are not above kidnapping commoners who show obvious Azlanti heritage for this purpose.

Structure and Leadership
Dubiously claiming to be directly descended from Aroden, living god and last of the true Azlanti, Duke Aliomar of Westcrown and his cousin, Lord Estarus of Oppara, have spent nearly five decades quietly expanding their network among the upper crust of society. The Line boasts scores of members who, while nominally peers, squabble and self-segregate into nuanced tiers of influence based on their ancestry and social standing. The group employs a small army of slave traders to scour the region for individuals with Azlanti traits, such as purple eyes.

Goals
Rumored goals of the organization are furtively whispered among noble circles. Some say that through a combination of painstaking selective breeding and dangerously experimental magic, Pure Line sorcerers hope to one day sire a new Azlanti race which will rule the Inner Sea region unquestioned. It is also said that the group despises the traditional enemies of the Azlant, and seek to stamp out the likes of the Coils of Ydersius, the Mordant Spire elves, and ultimately, the aboleths themselves. They are known to hire adventurers to search ancient ruins in Varisia and Azlant for relics, or to raid gillmen and morlock populations for valuable test subjects.

Public Perception
The slave trade is rampant in the Inner Sea, and it is unlikely that anyone has noticed the pattern of targeted kidnappings sweeping the region. Members keep a low profile, possibly fearful of retribution from the Eagle Knights, or simply ashamed of consorting with nobles of enemy states.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Welcome to RPG Superstar, Chris. It's game on now. The contest takes an entirely new spin at this level. And, as judges we're here to comment on your work, both in the hopes of guiding you in honing your game design skills, and also to help the voting public assess how you measure up. With that in mind, I'm going to talk a bit about what you did well and where I think you'll still need to demonstrate growth. So, let's see what we've got...

When I saw your organization name, I immediately thought this would be a group bent on racial purity and you didn't disappoint. The Azlanti have always been described as the pinnacle of humanity before their bloodlines kind of diminished by intermingling with others and the death of Aroden as the last of his kind. I think you tapped the perfect location with Westcrown in Cheliax, where many of the nobles still want to trace their lineage back to him. Same goes for the distant cousins over in Taldor. So, you're hitting all the right notes in setting up the premise for your organization to exist.

I particularly like the sinister qualities to the nobles of your organization who are so intent on purifying and extending their bloodline that they're willing to abduct and breed those who show signs of Azlanti blood. I also like their long-term goals of returning the Azlanti race (or at least, their version of it) to prominence. The collusion between nobles from the rival nations of Cheliax and Taldor sets up an interesting dynamic. And the opposition to other power groups is a wise design choice. It immediately serves to link things together that a GM might already be using in their campaign.

Now that said, I was still looking for a more compelling setup whereby the PCs can come into conflict with the Pure Line. Presumably, the easiest means for that is if they, or someone close to them, faces an abduction. But that's about it. Most of their other goals are against power groups the PCs would also want to oppose (except maybe the Mordant Spire elves). Still, I would have liked to see you do more in this space. It would make the organization more useful and more inspirational to those wanting to add it to their campaigns.

Regardless, I think you did a pretty good job on this assignment. The concept has been done before, but I really like how you wove it so tightly into pre-existing material from the campaign setting. Your writing also flows very well. And the organization of how you present the information here really works for me.

As such, I DO RECOMMEND that this organizaton carry you through to the next round.

We'll have to see if the other judges and voters agree. Your scent of the savored sting was one of the items I championed for the Top 32. I thought it had a really good attention to detail and a high degree of creativity. Your organization falls along those same lines. And I'd like to see what else you've got up your sleeve. Best of luck in the exit polls.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Chris, welcome to Round 2!

What you are getting from me in this critique: This round is all about conflict and story. I think the best organizations create interesting and compelling groups that will come into conflict with the PCs. My comments, and my recommendation, will focus on how well you do that. My comments will also focus on writing and use of your allotted content in achieving your goals. What you won't get from me: I don't have the total Golarion-fu that Neil and Sean do, so I will leave to them whether you got the nitty gritty details of some of the setting stuff to them (though apparently I did have enough Golarion-fu to know its Pharasmin not Pharasmian, you know who you are).

So here we go!

Initial Impression: Can a “been there, done that” racial purity group seem fresh and cool? Yes, yes it can.

Concept (name, title, is it an organization?, overall design choices, is the organization and antagonist and does it create direct conflict for the PCs?, playability): A-
Your organization name didn't grab me at first, as the purity of bloodline idea is pretty "been there, done that." But that said, I like where you went with this. It didn’t feel cliché to me. I think it was the "kidnap commoners" twist that I liked rather than just elitist inbreeding. I also like the strange story ideas for this group--they could at the same time hire the PCs then also run afoul of them. Very dynamic. The "sire a new race" is a tad tired, but like my comment above I somehow don't find it stale.

Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, quality of mandatory content, did you milk your idea for all it was worth? did you use your allotted space well?): B
The Good: Taking old tropes and making them fresh is a key freelancer ability because as some have said "it has all been done before." You just need to find a way to do it again, but fresh. And you have. I think you write well, too. I thought the entry flowed well. That is a skill.
The Not So Good: I wanted some more direct goals and I think you missed a chance to at least tease us with some evocative NPC names (you only gave us the founder) and a location or two. But still very good.

Tilt (did it grab me?, is it unique and cool?, do I like it?, flavor, are you showing Superstar mojo?): B+
I liked it. And I have to admit I didn’t expect much from the name. But you won me over. I’d use this group.

Overall: B+
Taking a common idea and making it different and interesting. The group felt real and playable.

Recommendation: I DO recommend this organization submission for advancement.

Scent of the savored sting was not my favorite item, but you seem to be building a fan base on the boards. This strong entry should help solidify that. Well done and good luck this round!

Contributor

Pure Line, racial purity, gotcha.

I dunno, this group just feels like a fantasy variant of the Nazis--obsessed with racial purity, reclaiming a lost empire, fighting racial enemies, breeding experiments, and searching for ancient relics.

Does it work as an organization? Yes. Is it really new? I don't think so.

I do not recommend this to advance.


Every noble group tries to conserve it's "bloodlines", until eventually you get so many genetic diseases that the lines fail. There's nothing here that's original or even very interesting.

These are not adversaries of the PCs. Individuals might be, but the organization as a whole is not.

I do not recommend that you vote for this designer.

EDIT FROM SEAN: Competitors, remember this item from the Round 2 FAQ, which reminds competitors about the rule against commenting about their own submissions. We're pasting this reminder into the last judge comment for every organization just to make sure all competitors see it and remember.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

Thank you all for your feedback! Thank you in advance to the boards for your feedback and votes (hopefully)!

I'll talk to you next week. :)

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

Oh, one little thing. I'm from Lansdale, not Lansfale. :P


It's simple and straight forward. No hiding the influences here, and I can understand how a party might think they are only messing with one member only to have the whole 'family' come down on them (especially if they kill a 'good breeder' or something)!

I'm liking this one... it's nothing out of the ordinary but sometimes doing something ordinary extraordinarily well is good enough. It's kind of what got me liking Paizo actually -- they did something ordinary (adventure paths and campaign settings) really, really well.

This submission falls into that category for me.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Whoa, I almost created a very similar org. So kudos!

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka moon glum

They seemed boring to me at first, but then, if you replaced Azalanti with deep ones, you could have something very cool, or rather very Cthulhu. I will probably vote for it.


This is an on the fence group for me that I can't figure out if I find really enticing or a bit plain. As was already said, the racial purity angle isn't that exciting until you get to the more sinister kidnapping and forced breeding angle. It has the sort of feel that this is a group that could easily exist in Golarion, but their goals are a bit weak to be a major antagonist (excluding some of the means to their goals).

At the very least this feels like it's got a spot in my brain, so it has a fair chance of outclassing all the entries that have left me a bit wanting.

A quick aside, this group just gives me an image of a group of players preparing for future campaigns and trying to breed future characters for them to play who get +2s across the board statwise.


This is an interesting idea. This got one of my votes this round.


I'm a little fuzzy on this organization. They are nobles trying to keep their lineage pure. To do this they are mating with commoners? Are these children hidden within their society as true nobles or do they have an island somewhere to keep all the offspring? I also don't remember hearing of any noble families in Golarion having ties to the Azlanti. Maybe I am wrong on this issue.
It seems like an organization similar to the Scarlet Brotherhood (one of my favorite Sean Reynolds products) from the Greyhawk setting. In that case, the Brotherhood had to completely isolate themselves from the rest of the world to work on their breeding program.

Also, I don't think Westcrown has a Duke. It currently is run by a Mayor.


Purity in the sense of racial purity not purity of nobility among these 'lesser' humans.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 4 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Jatori

Chris, welcome to Round 2. I decided to look at your organisation first, because I'm interested in seeing how your Vorthos to Melvin style might apply here.

Yes, the villainous racial purity organisation has been done before. However, I like how you presented The Pure Line. You've managed to fit your organisation into Golarion, showing a lot of your inner-Vorthos in the process (at lease, in my opinion). This round was the perfect time to show off that potential, and you did it well.

In my experience, it helps when a play group has a good shared understanding of the game world and potential antagonists. Using a common or classic idea, like an organisation focused on racial purity, often helps a game run more smoothly (though at the risk of making it boring). I believe you did enough to keep the Pure Line fresh and interesting. I'd use your organisation in my games.

I'd like to see how you do in later rounds, especially where mechanics are more important. Good luck in the exit polls.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

Abraham spalding wrote:
Purity in the sense of racial purity not purity of nobility among these 'lesser' humans.

My take as well. Like breeding to create super-gingers (I support this idea!), rather than an amalgamation of blue-bloods.


Hmm. Kinda like Nazis. But with less going on. The real Nazis had a charismatic leader, scary secret police, mind control, and shadowy occult connections. As well as world domination goals, but I'm not recommending more of that.

These guys do eugenics by force. That's bad. I'm not seeing the end game to this, or how I'd build a campaign around it.


Saint Trickery wrote:

Hmm. Kinda like Nazis. But with less going on. The real Nazis had a charismatic leader, scary secret police, mind control, and shadowy occult connections. As well as world domination goals, but I'm not recommending more of that.

These guys do eugenics by force. That's bad. I'm not seeing the end game to this, or how I'd build a campaign around it.

I don't know if we should nail a designer because, eugenics is bad. So is murder, but we make villains that are murderers all the time. We make villains that enslave; there is certainly a segment of the population that could offend.

The designer should not be dinged because an activity the organization does is offensive. Isn't killing innocent people offensive? So why do we allow murderers as our villains?

Sean K Reynolds wrote:

Pure Line, racial purity, gotcha.

I dunno, this group just feels like a fantasy variant of the Nazis--obsessed with racial purity, reclaiming a lost empire, fighting racial enemies, breeding experiments, and searching for ancient relics.

Does it work as an organization? Yes. Is it really new? I don't think so.

I do not recommend this to advance.

I don't find the 'nazi' theme to be any more unoriginal than another Merchant den out to dominate the trade of the world, or crazy cults.


Carl Cascone wrote:
Saint Trickery wrote:

Hmm. Kinda like Nazis. But with less going on. The real Nazis had a charismatic leader, scary secret police, mind control, and shadowy occult connections. As well as world domination goals, but I'm not recommending more of that.

These guys do eugenics by force. That's bad. I'm not seeing the end game to this, or how I'd build a campaign around it.

I don't know if we should nail a designer because, eugenics is bad. So is murder, but we make villains that are murderers all the time. We make villains that enslave; there is certainly a segment of the population that could offend.

The designer should not be dinged because an activity the organization does is offensive. Isn't killing innocent people offensive? So why do we allow murderers as our villains?

I probably wasn't clear enough. I've got no problem with a designer using an organisation that practices eugenics. I just think this one is pretty boring. I'd also have a problem with a villain who murdered people just because he was a violent murdery murderer.


This is a group who are attempting to breed a race of overlords. The timeframe of their plans may be long term, but their goals are still nefarious. Sometimes it is interesting to have your players encounter groups who don't need to be stopped immediately, and who might need to be opposed in a way that doesn't necessarily involve kicking in the door and killing everything.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka OwlbearRepublic

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I'm on the same page with most everyone else, it seems. This idea is sound, but it doesn't wow me. It's fine to work from a straightforward base like this, and in fact it can help you to keep your idea well-grounded; I don't see the glaring faults or unaddressed issues in your entry that I've seen in some others. The bit you're missing is the killer idea, the twist that turns this into something we've never seen before. Maybe if they were fighting some kind of degenerative inbreeding problem in a totally backwards way, by trying to regain their purity? Maybe if they had some unusual MO, such as using sorcerous matchmakers to pursue their eugenics program covertly?

As it is, you've got a solid C+ from me, which is as high as I can go for something that doesn't really give me a new idea to chew on. In the future, I advise you to think of your entries almost like a game of Scattergories: each one should have something that fits the subject, but that none of your readers would have thought of on their own. Combined with your overall strong execution, that'll earn you my vote in future rounds. Good luck.

Liberty's Edge

I like that you’ve done something with a connection to the Azlanti here, and this group bent on racial purity could be quite sinister ... but as presented they come across as a little bland. I’m not really seeing the conflict for adventuring PCs, at least not beyond conflict with any run of the mill group of slavers or decadent nobles. In fact, while their methods are no doubt deplorable, I can see good PCs getting on board with some of their sub-goals (like getting rid of the Coils and the aboleths); you’ve even set them up as a possible PC patron in this regard.

Good luck Chris.


Combining a focus on genetic purity with kidnapping commoners just doesn't work for me. They just aren't racially pure.

Scarab Sages Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

I am not completely sold on this one (nothing really original, dubious methods), but I find myself lacking entries that make me go 'yeah, that is great'. That said, I like the general idea of your group and I how I could put them to good use and play out the group and its members to great effect.
Voted for you.

Dedicated Voter Season 8

Congratulations again, and once more, good luck in the continued contest.

I didn't like your item much, but strangely, a lot of my disliked items gave me much more likeable organizations. This is one of them. The idea isn't huge or new or vastly inspired. But it's there, and I haven't seen it in this world before, despite it's obvious place here. That alone gives you a number of points. Second, you incidentally (I'm sure it wasn't mind reading, across an ocean and all) hit upon something which kind of fits a way to turn a rather liked (but good aligned) PC of mine I never got to play (campaign cancelled) into a vicious NPC to use against my players.

Now, I'm sorry, but it's just not a whole lot of organization, though.
I like the idea and design space. I don't quite like it enough to promise a vote, unless I'm at 7 given and really can't figure out where to put the last. That said,

I wish you the best of luck.

Silver Crusade Star Voter Season 6

I rather like this entry. I could see them coming into conflict with the PCs if, in the course of an adventure, they are actively trying to subjugate "lesser" populations. They're the type of group that, as a PC, I would love to hate.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32, 2011 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka DankeSean

This got one of my votes. Honestly, this falls into the 'why didn't anyone ever think of this prior to now' category for me; the notion of a Holy Blood, Holy Grail-ish eugenics conspiracy trying to restore the Azlanti race is really clever, and I think you executed it well here. This was one of the four entries that, after a first reading, I never had to re-examine to see if I really wanted to vote for it. Good job.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

Good evening (or other part of the day) everybody!

I'm feeling pretty solid in terms of my chances in getting into the next round, so thanks to everybody who took the time to comment on my item or vote for me (especially Jerall and Sean McGowan. Thank you!). As always, I appreciate your criticisms the most, because that's the best way for me to improve! Like last round, I've taken everything you've all said into account, so allow me to address your points:
.
.

Nothing New:
I agree, of course. This sort of organization has been done countless times before — in other settings. I suppose my main impetus for creating it was that as I read up on Golarion, the absence of this kind of group became more and more glaring to me. All of the strings were there, and just needed a node on which to be tied together. There were other 'strings' that might have had a place (The Temple of Aroden, The Harbingers, the group's role in Absalom and Andoran), but I left them out due to word count restrictions, and to avoid the risk of being "kitchen-sinky".

Boring:
OwlBearRepublic wrote:
I'm on the same page with most everyone else, it seems. This idea is sound, but it doesn't wow me. It's fine to work from a straightforward base like this, and in fact it can help you to keep your idea well-grounded; I don't see the glaring faults or unaddressed issues in your entry that I've seen in some others. The bit you're missing is the killer idea, the twist that turns this into something we've never seen before.

This pretty much sums up my exact conclusions on the organization as well. I worried a little bit that while it was a solid and effective tool for GMs to use in their campaigns, there wasn't a "certain something" for you all to really bite into. I think that most of the people who liked my organization were those with active imaginations who could connect a few dots and see what this organization could be. In future rounds, this advice is going to be in the front of my mind.

Needs Better/ More Direct/ More Immediate Goals and Hooks:
This sort of ties in with the boringness-factor, I think. The group has more goals, but once again, that pesky word count got in the way, so I had to strip it down a bit and only cover their main goals. I felt it was necessary to state their ultimate goal. Besides that, I felt it would help round the group out to somehow include their relations with other factions and have ways they could interact with PCs other than kidnappings. I probably could have tightened a few of these sentences in a bit to include more information. Other things I could have gone into would have been:
  • Their goals of stratifying society based on race, with the new pure Azlanti on top, other humans in the middle, and other races either subjugated or hunted down — especially those pesky elves, and human half-breeds. (Kind of obvious, but it seemed like it was belaboring the race point so I left it out.) This could have added more plot hooks, as individual members might gather a force to raze a non-human town, or the like.
  • Their interest in the culture, technology, magic, and religions of the Azlanti.
  • Their attitudes towards the gillmen, especially those in Absalom.
  • Their struggles to maintain the holds on their subjects.
  • Their goals of reinstating Andoran's nobility.
  • The structure and locations of their breeding facilities.
  • Other goals of their breeding programs.
  • The results of their breeding programs (either failed or successful). This might be nice if it resulted in some monsters.
  • Their attitudes towards other powerful human empires of the past and present, and their peoples.

  • Potential PC Ally:
    I didn't want the group to be exclusively antagonistic. Wouldn't it be much better to have a noble (or even former noble of Andoran) ask you to go on a fetch quest for some old artifact guarded by evil aboleths, only to realize later on that he used it for nefarious purposes? (GASP! Your employer was a bad guy all along? That never happens! :p)

    Other Questions/Concerns:
    Lars Lundberg wrote:
    I also don't remember hearing of any noble families in Golarion having ties to the Azlanti.

    Yep! The nations of southern Avistan are populated by people descended from the Azlanti and native human populations. Several sources indicate that a certain selection of prestigious houses have more Azlanti in their blood than others.

    Lars Lundberg wrote:
    To do this they are mating with commoners?

    To put it euphemistically. I imagine that much of what goes on is more akin to rape, along with the magical experimentation, which probably isn't all that pleasant either.

    Lars Lundberg wrote:
    Are these children hidden within their society as true nobles or do they have an island somewhere to keep all the offspring?

    Probably both. Imagine looking into the mysterious origins of a childless noble's heir? Other than that, the breeding populations are housed in the facilities, which could range from a dungeon-like environment to a private island "paradise." Maybe an academy-like facility for the most promising children?

    Lars Lundberg wrote:
    It seems like an organization similar to the Scarlet Brotherhood (one of my favorite Sean Reynolds products) from the Greyhawk setting.

    Doesn't surprise me, considering the ubiquity of this trope. Maybe I'll take a look at it sometime! (For guys like Sean and Ryan, who have seen it all, I can see how this organization could seem particularly tired.)

    SKR wrote:
    I dunno, this group just feels like a fantasy variant of the Nazis--obsessed with racial purity, reclaiming a lost empire, fighting racial enemies, breeding experiments, and searching for ancient relics.
    Saint Trickery wrote:
    Kinda like Nazis. But with less going on.

    Oh wow, somehow I hadn't made this connection. But now that you mention it, yeah, they could totally be fantasy Nazis, just more secretive and without the standing army. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I'd want to tweak the flavor so as to not have those exact connotations.

    If you read all that, thanks again! I hope you have more of an idea of my thought processes and my growth potential as a designer (or lack thereof, if you see it that way).

    Like before, I'll be taking all of your comments and posting a revised version after the monsters have been submitted for the next round. Have a good day/night!

    P.S. - In case you're interested, I always make a notepad document where I unload my brain before making something. Here's the one for this round:

    Brainvomit:
    - A group that captures slaves with Azlanti blood, trying to breed true-blooded Azlanti back into the world.

    Races of Interest
    - Humans
    - Morlocks
    - Gillmen
    - Mordant Spire Elves (enemies)

    Areas of Interest
    - Azlant
    - Varisia
    - Cheliax
    - Taldor
    - Absalom

    Technology/Magic/Religion
    - Rune Magic
    - Clockwork
    - Sun God/ Inner Eye

    Questions:
    Relation with Aroden?
    How long have they been around?
    Relation with Gillmen?
    Aboleths?
    Heavily involved in slave trades. Relationship with Andoran?
    Enslaves humans (or others) with Azlanti heritage to experiment on and breed them
    Opposes Coils of Ydersius
    Relationship with the Harbingers?

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32

    Congrats on making it to the next round, and thanks for the behind-the-scenes thoughts on your organization. It was really cool to see your ideas and your initial brain-storming. I didn't end up voting for your organization, but your comments help me understand where you were coming from. It was a really solid organization. I didn't have any complaints about it; it just didn't excite me like some of the entries.

    Good luck on the next round, and thanks for the notes on your entry. I'm looking forward to what you create for your monster. Good luck!

    RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

    Thanks for your kind words, Seth. I hope you enjoy my future entries!

    Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

    My first impression is that the name gives everything away, and the name is also pretty boring. I think magic items need to include their direct function somehow in the name. Not so with organizations. Some pretentious branding complete with fearsome symbolism makes the best organization name to me.

    I think your writing is pretty strong but you miss some opportunities. You only give us "Duke Aliomar" instead of "Duke Vyseus Aliomar" or whatever. Then you don't list anyone else.

    I think the idea of tying ethinic purists to Golarion is a nonSuperstar approach, but I agree you have made them a little less ho hum and that a more imaginitive name and more opportunity for conflict might have won me over with this. As it is, there's no storytelling meat and that's a lost oppoertunity. Give the organization some internal conflict (group 'x' escalates its magical experimentation, even though Aliomar and other think it risky and a perversion of their founding principles), and highlight ways they come into conflict with adventuring groups.

    RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

    Thanks for the tips!

    On the name: Azlanti only had a given name, and no family name. Some people who fancy themselves modern-day Azlanti follow the same naming conventions.

    RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

    Had I made it, my organization was going to be similar, but led by an exile from Hermea whose obsession with the Azlanti bloodline led to rejection by them. Their methods were more magical and alchemical, with their research leads and failed experiments providing my adventure hooks.

    Thus, I give this my seal of Azlanti approval.


    Chris Shaeffer wrote:

    The Pure Line

    Alignment: LE
    Headquarters: Cheliax
    Leader: Duke Aliomar of Westcrown
    Structure: Circle of noble peers
    Scope: Regional

    Disclaimer:

    You should know the drill by now, but in case you missed it the first time round, Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus:
    Spoiler:
    Fairness is an adjective applicable to hair coloration, balance is what a couple of mortals rapidly losing it on opposite ends of a plank pivoted on a rocky spire a couple of hundred feet above a slowly rising pool of molten basalt try to do, and logic is one of those things which you could swear is there when you rattle the piggybank but if anyone other than a demon opens it the contents turn out to be a couple of dead wasps and a six week old ‘to do (in)’ list.
    ;)

    Important Note:
    There’s a difference between late and fashionably late. The former is what most other beings manage. The latter is what sophisticated, (very advanced) succubi manage.

    First impressions always being important, do members of this organization wear nifty robes or uniforms when out on formal business?
    No robes or uniform are indicated, and trying to get a bunch of inbred nobles to agree to all wear the same things... well let's just say that herding elven cats is probably easier.

    Does membership of this organisation seem likely to involve regular tea or dinner parties or other appropriate social occasions?
    Conceivably, although the activities mentioned seem to focus more on other areas than socialising.

    Is the cost of being a member of this organisation likely to be acceptable to a succubus?
    Membership is not likely for a succubus, owing to the 'must be of Azlanti descent' requirement, although come to think of it Zura has a couple of rather weird descendents who would technically qualify whilst being demons.

    Other comments?
    I'm surprised they last in Cheliax, the home of House Thrune and a bunch of devil-worshipers. The Azlanti and Aroden focus of the organization harks back too much to Cheliax 'before' the current regime took power, and the relationship with the majestrix must be uneasy at best. Maybe the axe is being sharpened for them, but just hasn't fallen quite yet.
    I would not advise being a member of this organization and in Cheliax in the near future. If a fight doesn't seem to be normally likely to occur, an Abyssal influence may end up helpfully nudging things along. (Always fun to make life interesting for House Thrune...)
    Oh yes, and I doubt very much that any human could trace their family back ten millenia (including through Golarion's Age of Darkness) or not unless they have some sort of spell to do it.

    Rating:
    Oh go on... Thrune-bait.

    RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

    Thrune-bait, indeed! :D

    I imagine any nobles wanting or eligible to be a part of this group would be of older stock than those upstarts in the newer noble families. So I'm sure there's plenty of ill-will towards House Thrune and vice-versa, but only as individuals, and not as an organization.

    Aliomar isn't a member of one of the major houses and poses no direct threat to the throne (not yet, anyway). Chelaxian nobility is pretty notorious for its machinations, so I'm sure House Thrune has plenty more pressing schemes to beat down. Once these folks start producing truly powerful and cunning individuals though, I could see some real conflict arising.

    ----------------------------------------------

    So, like in every other round, I'm releasing a revised version of my organization to address the main concerns you all brought up. I can't change the core idea of the organization, so sorry if it's not your thing. I can, however, make what's there more enticing and useful.

    Stay tuned. I'll be putting it out there tonight!

    RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

    (Not feeling too well, so I'm going to turn in for the night and post it in the morning after I get a chance to read it over again.)

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