Voluntary Reject Bin 2012, or, "What was I THINKING?"


RPG Superstar™ 2012 General Discussion

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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka Anry

I wish I had something to add here this year. I just made an item and stuck with it. Refined it. Changed the name a few times. Had some trouble with pricing.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

Beyond the Strings of Mortals
First off, the name is... not great. Not bad, but it doesn't tell me what it actually is. Since the description opens with "This book" I might suggest "Tome of Unbinding the Fetters". But then, if that's what it's about (like it says in the description) why is it called the first thing? Also, a lot of typos. "head of monasteries", "grain of rise"...
And, while the book grants some neat abilities, there's too many for a single item - and really no item should just grant abilities.

@motteditor - I totally agree. It was cool, but it didn't make the cut because it was more of a home-campaign item than a really useful one.

Mirror of many images
Well, the biggest real problem is the size and weight of this item. It wouldn't really fit in a bag of holding, so the average player would never take it with them. And considering the effect lasts an undefined number of rounds (as you don't define the number of images), you *need* to bring it with you for it to work. As much as it's worth, I might even see PCs leaving this thing behind if they were to come across one, frankly.

@ahalflingnotahobbit - if it can grant a theoretically infinite number of people a +10 bonus on one task, it becomes way too overpowered. Artifact territory. And for a +10 bonus, not a very useful artifact.

Helm of the Bighorn Ram
So, it does damage by striking at their weakest point. How does the wearer know? What if they hit something else? Further, if someone's trying to do something like knock down a building, I'd bet they don't need to worry about four rounds of staggered. Might as well just say it's a +20 bonus to Strength checks, which is a little ridicuous. Side-note: I really do like the imagery here at least. It's a cool idea, but not cool enough for how similar it is to, like you said, the ring of the ram.

Figuring of the Elysian Host
The judges have said time and again, figurines of wondrous power are not superstar items. This is basically a figurine of magic weapons (and a lute), which has a cool theme, but ultimately is just a box of magic weapons available only one minute a day, and it's not really worth the price you pay for the utility. Generally, you'll only need one good magic weapon, and at those prices? you're already mostly paying for it.

pickled monkey ninja
Asides from the fact that you basically have to re-roll your entire character for this item, it's... creative. I think you could have done something a lot less complacted with the same interesting twist. But it really does bring something new to the table, that's for sure. Also, your weight is enormous. A tiny creature does not 12 pounds weigh, and if it did, you could not finish such a thing in just ten minutes. That's like eating 20ish big-macs!

cloak of the cobra
I like the item, but there's some number disagreement here - specifically that the cobra of the cloak is actually a mantle of writing snakes.(which, by the by, is an awesome alternative name for an item like this - or for a metal band). I think a theoretically infinite number of counterattacks at your own BAB is a little powerful. You should limit the number of counters, and put a fixed number in for BAB. I don't think I know of any magic item other than a staff that's based on the user's abilities. Also, +1 for the 'by the way abilities', they're very cool.

Entropic Mirror
I really like the temporarily breaking mechanic. What I don't like is how it seems to be secondary to a pair of SIACs. Sorry.

Helm of Power
It's limited wish in a can, and it eats XP? Oh dear lord... :S And, though I don't like to say it often, you need to polish up your writing a lot. I mean, one run-on sentance with gramattical errors and a missing quotation? You might need a little more practice.

Dreamsnare shroud
Not a bad idea in there, but oh god, the complexity. The DM has to keep track of everything the wearer saw the day before, and their stats, and be prepared to add a random eidolon evolution to them... And to top it off, it just sometimes attacks the nearest ally? Not even, cannot be controlled - it always charges and attacks an ally.

And... Out of time for today. But, I'll be back tomorrow.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Mirror of many images

And considering the effect lasts an undefined number of rounds (as you don't define the number of images), you *need* to bring it with you for it to work. As much as it's worth, I might even see PCs leaving this thing behind if they were to come across one, frankly.

It's as mirror image, so the duration would be 1 minute per level for the images or at most 8 rounds for the duplicate.*

* I was actually going to outline how many images it created, but then got into a rules discussion with my rules-layer friend. I read the spell as creating 1d4+5 images (max 8) at 13th level. He read it as creating 1d4+4, so I just vagued it up.

Spell reads 1d4 images plus one image per three caster levels which to me says 1d4+1 at levels 1-3, +2 at 4-6, +3 at 7-9, +4 at 10-12 and +5 at 13 (which was the item's caster level). He read it as the +1 images not starting to kick in until level 4. Just curious to get some feedback (at the risk of derailing the thread).

And my beta readers definitely were suggesting making it a hand mirror, but just didn't fit my vision for the item.


In re the Cloak of the Cobra:

It's limited to one counterattack per adjacent attacker, so it will do a maximum of eight counterattacks, not an infinite number.

As a rule, I also dislike items that characters "outgrow." which is why it's at Attacker's BAB+DEX modifier.

Ask yourself this

Is this worth more than a +2 cloak of resistance? I think the case can be made that it is.

Is this worth more than a +3 cloak of resistance? Absolutely not.

Also - if this item existed and people knew it existed, and could recognize its appearance...I would make damned sure that my cloak of resistance was made of jade green leather with cobra spectacles embroidered on the hood...and would cast Magic Aura on it to make it match once a week, just to be sure....

Protective camouflage isn't just for moths.

Marathon Voter Season 6

Actually against a swarm, it could mean 8*1500.

What? What do you mean it doesn't work that way?!


@RonarsCorruption if the task is so broadly defined that an infinite number of people can attempt it in a 24 hour period, then the GM should be putting the auspicious day many thousands of years into the future.

Even so, I was worried (like you) that it might be overpowered. In the event my players (e.g., beta testers) still turned their noses up at it, instead preferring a much lower-powered item even after I explained in detail how this item works. So the issue wound up being moot and I left off editing/fleshing out this item.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Cloak of the cobra
I like this one a lot; as you note, the visual's great. (I had a 3.0 DM give one of my characters a cloak that was a mass of insects; gave me, the player, the creeps.)

I think I agree with Ronars that setting a BAB might make more sense. As you note, you're sort of going to outgrow it anyway, since when you get a chance to get a cloak of resistance +3, you probably will upgrade. Thus sticking it with a BAB that fits with a character of the levels that will likely use the cloak (or perhaps of the caster, which might make more sense?) scales nicely. (For those who wouldn't necessarily upgrade, since this has a coolness factor that a cloak of resistance +3 doesn't, your way would of course work better.)

On another note, what happens if the snakes are attacked? Can they be killed, damaging the cloak? That might need to be addressed.

Star Voter Season 6

Mylon wrote:

Here's an item I thought about submitting but didn't. In particular, I'm sure this is an item that every fighter would want to own and use!

Sword of Hitting Stuff Better

This sword adds a +2 enhancement bonus to attack and damage rolls.

Cost: 8,000 gp

Simple, to the point, and indispensable!

At the risk of overcomplicating the item, you could also raise the enhancement bonus to +3 if they attack with the pointy end (otherwise just +2).

;)


motteditor wrote:

Cloak of the cobra

I like this one a lot; as you note, the visual's great. (I had a 3.0 DM give one of my characters a cloak that was a mass of insects; gave me, the player, the creeps.)

Thanks for the kind words! My piece of advice is "Could you see a cool visual from using this?"

Quote:
I think I agree with Ronars that setting a BAB might make more sense. As you note, you're sort of going to outgrow it anyway, since when you get a chance to get a cloak of resistance +3, you probably will upgrade. Thus sticking it with a BAB that fits with a character of the levels that will likely use the cloak (or perhaps of the caster, which might make more sense?) scales nicely. (For those who wouldn't necessarily upgrade, since this has a coolness factor that a cloak of resistance +3 doesn't, your way would of course work better.)

Using the wearer's BAB+DEX is, in some ways, a limit on this. It isn't a magical weapon (no plusses there), and most melee centric builds have a lower DEX and STR. It doesn't benefit from anything else that adds plusses to hit that I can think of.

You don't want your party fighter wearing this over his armor, really! Anyone with a decent Will save is either going to have a 3/4 or worse BAB (Monk, Cleric, Inquisitor) or be ethically unable to use the item (Paladin and proscription against poison).

The guy who needs it most is likely your arcane caster.

It reinforces his weakest save against a fairly common threat.

It does weaken a strong save - but who puts charm spells on guys who don't wear armor?

In terms of game play, it's also a number players are likely to have 'at hand' rather than dig out of a bestiary (or item) description every time it comes up...this is a win for reduced record keeping.

Plus, it's less likely to be a "Wear it from levels 6 through 9, hang up in the Fortress of Clutter..." this way. :)

Quote:
]On another note, what happens if the snakes are attacked? Can they be killed, damaging the cloak? That might need to be addressed.

The snakes cannot be killed or attacked separately; they aren't really summoned creatures, and I don't specify how many of them are there for exactly this reason.


IvanSanchez wrote:

Don't think Gypsy. Think Varisian. As in "Fan of the Varisian Dancer". Much more Golarion-ish.

This might be nitpicking, but I would also change:

This works as hypnotism, except that 5d6 HD of creatures are affected, the casting time is 3 rounds, and the effects last as long as the user is waving the fan in sight of the affected creatures.

You're not just carrying the item, you're using the item. You're not a carrier, you're a user.

Thanks for the tip on Golarion’s closest gyspy analog. The nitpicks on terms and wording is also helpful.

AHalflingNotAHobbit wrote:

My understanding is that the word 'gypsy' is fine in the states, but non-PC in Europe. (I had never heard of the term 'Roma' until I moved out of the US.) Personally I wouldn't have risked it, especially since there are probably better names that don't reference real-world ethnic groups.

I think the last power has some potential--it might be a good starting point for a pretty sweet low-level item.

Playing it safe was my thinking also, so I came up with another name. I was just curious if I was being needlessly paranoid. It is one of those words that - in the US at least - doesn’t necessarily reference the Roma people or have a negative connotation, but those connections are there. Thanks for the transcontinental perspective.

I like the idea of breaking out the last ability into an item of its own. The first draft of that power included some benefits that temporarily negated the ill effects of partying – immune to being sickened and that kind of thing. (Party in a Fan, lol) But mismashing cleric and wizard spells just didn’t feel right with everything else it has going on. On a separate item though, I think it works.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka michaeljpatrick

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Entropic Mirror

I really like the temporarily breaking mechanic. What I don't like is how it seems to be secondary to a pair of SIACs. Sorry.

Nothing to be sorry about. That was one of the reasons I didn't submit.


An item I worked on for a while and then ultimately rejected as an entry:

Chalk of Exodus

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 35,000gp; Weight

This appears to be an ordinary piece of chalk. However, closer inspection shows it to be infused with small particles of reflective mineral, perhaps mica or gypsum. As a full round action, the owner can draw a door upon any solid surface the chalk can leave a mark upon. The following round, as a move action, the owner opens the door while picturing a real door within 500 miles of that location. The drawn door opens a portal to that door, which the owner can then step through. On the other side, the door opens, revealing a glowing portal from which the owner emerges. The owner can then use a second move action to shut the door and dismiss the portal. Only the possessor of the chalk can shut the door. If the door is not shut, the portal remains in existence for three rounds before closing. The portal can be traversed by anything on either side of the door, provided it can fit through. Note that the magic door only opens to a side of a real door that the chalk's owner has been to (e. g. one cannot use the chalk to come out on the other side of the locked door to the king's treasury without having entered it before). There is a 5% chance that the portal will malfunction, transporting those that enter it through a door similar to the one intended. The chalk can be used 50 times before being reduced to a powerless stub.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, teleport; Cost 17,500gp


Swallow that grain of salt and dive in…

Azmahel’s Rusting Dust :

The seed of this idea falls under ‘why doesn’t this already exist?’ for me.

It could use some simplification – maybe have it target a square without the splash damage… Or leave it as is and up the cost a bit to avoid spamming.

My main issue is that it only makes metal objects fragile, which is all but useless. Broken would be better IMO.

Motteditor’s Mirror of many images:

Another reason for characters to be paranoid of mirrors is always good in my book.

I agree it is more a NPC item. It requires too much set up for my tastes.

The power pushes the limits, but it is expensive enough to make up for that I think. Overall, I see a most characters not bothering with it. Or if they do, turning the game into ‘find a way to effectively use this item’ game. Personally, I hate that.

AHalflingNotAHobbit’s Astrolabe of Great Deeds:

Really difficult to for an adventurer to utilize, but that is an easy fix – make it smaller and less time intensive.

The, “astrologically auspicious date on which to undertake a specified task,” bit is a GM headache. But I love the, “+10 untyped bonus to any d20 roll they are required to make towards completing the specified task” part. It isn’t an auto success, and when the fate of the world (plot) rests on a roll, this is an item every character/party/GM wants.

The different bonuses for ‘regular’ skill checks and skill checks for money seems a bit wonky. Something else for the GM to determine – what counts as a “mundane prediction”? But as far as GM discretion goes, this is an acceptable level I think.

TarkXT’s Kimono of Terrors Unleashed:

Whoa, that’s rough. At first I thought I was reading it wrong or there were some unfortunately placed typos. Then I wondered if this was a troll item, lol. No offense meant, just one amateur’s opinion… How disturbed would a character have to be to wear this thing? For most parties I’ve seen this isn’t even an auto-sell. It’s a sell or destroy? Good roleplaying opportunity there though. :)

Also, I want a magical snuffbox now.

RonarsCorruption’s Measurer's Window :

I like the fortune telling flavor. I also personally like pretty items.

I’m confused as to how it works. Does, “the owner of the window may attempt to view how a particular course of action will affect that target over the next month.” mean an action taken by the viewer, the viewed, anyone?

Also, it is a disappointing that the best benefits are not to the viewer, more of an NPC item. Maybe that is a personal taste thing though. I’m not sure.

The biggest issue I have is it is open to some pretty extreme abuse. The limitations are negated by simply spending another round viewing someone.

Shirokitsune’s Beyond The Strings Of Mortals:

Cool monk flavor. All of these abilities would make great ‘monk talents’.

I’m uneasy with the idea of an item granting so many permanent additional abilities. On one hand, all the limitations (cost, 30 days of study, ki point costs) do a good job of making up for that. On the other hand, should any wondrous item grant that many class features, for that cheap, without even having to carry it around? I’m not quite convinced.

Bottom line, I see this more as the beginning of a cool monk archetype than a magic item.

JSollars’ Helm of the Bighorn Ram:

I really like this item.

Unnecessary nit picking here… Does everything HAVE to glow or something similar just because? :P (I know, I know for RPG SS – YES!

Osuracnaes’ Figurine of the Elysian Host:

I like the three faces thing. Lots of good setting flavor.

It does have a lot going on, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. My issue is, for me, the whole does not equal the sum of its parts. Each power is somewhat lack-luster on its own for the investment (price, standard action – assuming it is in hand), and you’d pretty much have to build a character around it to take full advantage of its versatility.

Set’s Pickled Monkey Ninja:

Forgive me but… Would rice paper hold up to the pickling process? :)

AdAstraGames’ Cloak of the Cobra:

Cool cobra flavor. Very distinctive.

That is some nasty nasty poison dealt by ‘free’ attacks. Seems too powerful for 3 times a day to me. I’m currently playing a character in a 3.5 game with a spell similar to this – more reliable, less devastating. Based on that experience, I’d be reticent to make this available to all characters. Just a little too close to a win-win scenario for a meleer.

Michaeljpatrick’s Entropic Mirror:

Useful. Nice visuals that, while not necessary for the effects to make sense, don’t feel tacked on just because.

Is the price a typo? Without going through the motions of pricing it myself. That seems really high! I guess that is from the unlimited uses. But for that kind of money, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

I really like the temporary broken mechanic. It screams innovative design to me. I’d love a cheaper version of this without the ray spells.

IRISHMIKE’s Helm of Power, Lesser:

Personally, I hate experience points (or character points or whatever) as currency like this in RPG design.

Trying to put my personal problems aside, an item granting limited wish is either huge GM headache, player headache or both.

Also, for me, this is a case of ‘in order to make it do something I really want, the hoop-jumping and drawbacks must be so severe that it becomes something I’d never want’.
Cool idea, but I don’t think anyone could actually make it work. Good on you for trying though. :)

Standback’s Dreamsnare Shroud:

Kudos for the summoning shadowy sandman creatures from your dreams idea. Neat.

I also like the ability to add a random eidolon evolution to it. Good dreamy-flavor and just this side of being too fiddly for my taste, considering it is a once a day thing.

But the keeping up with what creatures you’ve encountered and their HD each day, 10% chance you lose control of it every round, what you conjure up each day for getting the buff/debuff, keeping up with the buff/debuff is too much bookkeeping for me. Then on top of all that, if used in conjunction with another spell it all works differently. I almost get a headache just thinking about it. :P

It is a good job of making it all fit together thematically, but as game design it is just. so. complicated.

Seven T. Helt’s helmet of headlessness:

Unique for sure. Definitely in the ‘how do they come up with this stuff?’ for me.

Its benefits are certainly powerful. Overall I feel the design balances them with high price and drawbacks and doesn’t leave obvious exploitable loopholes.

It’s a little NPC only and plot pointish, but I don’t really care about that much personally. My big issue with this one is the theatrics don’t fit the benefits thematically. Just one amateur’s opinion… When I think of all the possible magical benefits of being headless and all the magical theatrics that could result in benefits this item grants, they don’t match up. I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m simply not “superstar” enough?

IvanSanchez’s Bracers of the extra fingers:

Another ‘why doesn’t this already exist?’ item for me.

The price is arguably too cheap when you start to think of the possibilities, but that’s an easy fix.

Personally, I don’t see this as a ‘spell in a can’, but probably smart to play it safe on that front for RPG SS considering its main draw is being downright useful for most any character.

It could use some additional restrictions so items it holds won’t count as being held for activation purposes and such. I also wonder if it doesn’t need some kind of weight limit or something.

+2 DRaino Liar's Mask :

I really like this item.

A mask that a belt buckle is weird, but an easy fix.

Useful as all get out and the abilities mesh together well thematically. I personally like how it is an ‘undercover’ item and the “nevermind” command word is clever without making my eyes roll. :)

Anthony Adam’s Whispering Sandkeys :

The seed of this idea falls under ‘why doesn’t this already exist?’ for me.

Useful with proper balancing limitations, for the most part. I really dislike that you need the name of the lock’s maker, too fiddly and restrictive for my taste. I’d also add a little more to close the ‘I’ll just make a permanent copy from the sand key somehow’ loophole or only allow it to be used immediately.

This was fun. I enjoyed reading everyone’s rejects. Lots of great ideas. Thanks for putting them out there.

Good luck in the competition.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Standback

Thanks so much for the feedback, folks :D

Recap - Dreamsnare Shroud:

Standback wrote:

Dreamsnare Shroud

Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 9,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description
To use the shroud, the bearer must be capable of sleep and dreaming, and must have covered herself with the shroud when last she slept. Once per day as a full-round action, the bearer can unfurl the shroud to summon forth a shadow creature drawn from her own dreams.

Upon activation, the bearer selects any creature or NPC she encountered the previous day. If her choice has 4 HD or fewer, the dream creature is a shadow conjuration of that creature; otherwise the dream creature is a shadow conjuration of a sandman, taking shapes reminiscent of the chosen creature. The dream creature disappears after one minute.

The dream creature, unpredictable both in appearance and in behavior, posesses one of the following eidolon evolutions (roll 1d6, reroll if inapplicable):

[1] Unnatural Aura
[2] Claws
[3] Pincers
[4] Tail
[5] Tentacle
[6] Bite

On every turn the creature there is a 10% chance the shroud’s bearer loses control; the creature attacks the nearest ally and is hostile until its next turn.

Once per week, sleeping under the Lucid Dream effect of polypurpose panacea with the shroud allows the bearer to select for the next summons any creature he is familiar with (rather than one encountered that day). This selection must be made before sleeping; this dream creature gains no evolution and never escapes the bearer’s control.

If a bearer summons the same creature twice within one week, this signifies the creature is weighing heavily on her mind. She receives morale modifications of +2 to attack, -2 to AC, and -2 to saves in encounters with that NPC or creature type until she goes one week without summoning it.

RonarsCorruption wrote:
Not a bad idea in there, but oh god, the complexity. The DM has to keep track of everything the wearer saw the day before, and their stats, and be prepared to add a random eidolon evolution to them... And to top it off, it just sometimes attacks the nearest ally? Not even, cannot be controlled - it always charges and attacks an ally.
GoldenOpal wrote:

Kudos for the summoning shadowy sandman creatures from your dreams idea. Neat.

I also like the ability to add a random eidolon evolution to it. Good dreamy-flavor and just this side of being too fiddly for my taste, considering it is a once a day thing.

But the keeping up with what creatures you’ve encountered and their HD each day, 10% chance you lose control of it every round, what you conjure up each day for getting the buff/debuff, keeping up with the buff/debuff is too much bookkeeping for me. Then on top of all that, if used in conjunction with another spell it all works differently. I almost get a headache just thinking about it. :P

It is a good job of making it all fit together thematically, but as game design it is just. so. complicated.

I confess I'm mildly surprised that my dreamsnare shroud seems to people like so much bookkeeping. In use, the PC goes, "OK, I'm summoning that weird goblin-pig we met yesterday." That was an encounter the GM ran, so he should have those stats handy somewhere, no? I mean, he needed them for the original encounter... I'm not quite seeing why the GM would need to do any more bookkeeping than he already has.

Then, "OK, it appears with a... :roll roll roll: pair of pincers." And then you're ready to play. (Is adding an eidolon evolution to a creature somehow difficult? Isn't it just "...and he also has..."?)

I see that this has a lot of possible options which it allows, but to me it seems that understanding what happens right now is quite simple. But I keep getting this critique for this item, so clearly I'm missing something.

On the other hand, this response does greatly reassure me regarding my decision to send in something else :)

Again, thanks all!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Standback

AHalflingNotAHobbit wrote:

Astrolabe of Great Deeds

By spending 1d4 hours and succeeding at a DC 20 Profession(Fortune Telling) check with this astrolabe, a character can identify an astrologically auspicious date on which to undertake a specified task. The determination of the date is left to the Game Master, although as a guideline it should fall within two lunar cycles (or about 3d20 days) of the date on which the profession check was made. Vaguely worded tasks may result in auspicious days that fall years, or even centuries, into the future.

I like the theme here very much - it's a cool niche to explore, but very tricky to implement successfully. I think an item that pulled off "pick an auspicious date" well would be magnificent. Here I think you've gone in the homebrew direction, basically leaving all the decisions up to DM discretion. It'd also be tricky to use in play, because so often, the players can't really wait around a few days for an auspicious date for whatever they want to do.

It'd be interesting to see what kind of mechanics might make this work, but alas, I suspect the general concept is too fuzzy to solidify into clear-cut mechanics.

OTOH, I'd love to see a new mechanic/template for formulating prophecies and auspicious dates - perhaps in a similar style to haunts, which is a template for hauntings. That'd be kinda cool.

Shadow Lodge RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka WalterGM

A place for people to dump their unwanted magical wares – I like this thread already.

Mittens of Mauling:

Mittens of Mauling
Aura faint abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot hands; Price 3,640 gp; Weight
Description
Made from the tanned hide of an elf, halfling, or human, these fur-stuffed mittens fit snugly over the hands of any goblin (or any Small humanoid). If combined with a cold-weather outfit, these mittens grant an additional +2 circumstance bonus on Fortitude saving throws against exposure to cold weather.

In addition, three times per day when making an attack, the wearer can act as if he had the Cleave feat, even if he does not meet the prerequisites for the feat. Both gloves must be worn for the magic to be effective.

Most good aligned creatures consider wearing the hides of intelligent creatures to be abhorrent. Elves, halflings, and humans receive a +2 bonus on attack and damage rolls against the wearer, provided the wearer's mittens are made from the same race as the attacker. Unlike other magic items, mittens of mauling do not resize to fit creatures besides Small humanoids.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bull’s strength, creator must be a goblin; Cost 1,820 gp


I dropped these because I couldn’t quite get the effect right for them. I read through We Be Goblins and immediately loved how the PFS rewards at the end were presented, so I wanted to give that a shot. Ultimately, although the flavor and theme of the mittens were fairly close to what I was shooting for, I couldn’t come up with anything “Superstar” worthy for the effect and decided to move on.

Miscreant’s Mischief Stick:

Miscreant’s Mischief Stick
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot –; Price 900 gp; Weight
Description
Commonly used to swindle honest, trustworthy folk, a miscreant’s mischief stickmeasures exactly thirteen inches in length. Often mistaken for a nondescript dark brown or black twig, the stick must be held in a free hand in order for the magic to be activated.

Upon command once per day, a miscreant’s mischief stick can visually appear to be another kind of object that could be held in one hand (such as a bag of gold, a potion, weapon, etc). The object does not give off an odor (if it would have one), but casts a shadow, has texture, and makes a sound (if the object would make one). The user need not concentrate to maintain this illusionary effect. The image persists for as long as the user continues to hold onto the mischief stick. Creatures that interact with the stick or study it carefully receive a saving throw to disbelieve (Will DC 16).

Once the activator of the mischief stick stops holding it (places it in a bag, hands it to another creature, etc) the effect persists for 30 minutes before fading.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silent image, prestidigitation, ghost sound; Cost 450 gp


My second attempt started out as an item that would imitate a powerful, awe inspiring weapon that would cause nearby foes to be shaken, before it evolved into the basic stick. I really, really, really liked the possibilities of this item, but I could see it never seeing use in a majority of games (I mainly play PFS). I also wanted to make it clear that the item was meant to be traded away for something worth more the 900 gp, but couldn’t add that to the description without being to overhanded, so I dropped this one too.

Seven Sea Striders:

Seven Sea Striders
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot feet; Price 2700 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
Affectionately referred to by most sea-going folk as “Besmara Booties,” these pair of well worn, exceptionally weighty leather boots enable the wearer to walk on water at will as if it were a normal surface as if constantly under the effects of the spell water walk. Only water can be walked on in this manner, other liquid surfaces – mud, oil, snow, quicksand, ice, lava, etc – are treated as normal. High swells or other oceanic weather may result in the water being treated as difficult terrain. Both boots must be worn for the magic to be effective.

Despite their heft, seven sea striders will always float in water. As a result of storm, shipwreck, and constant piracy in the area, untold numbers of individual boots float listlessly throughout the waters of the Shackles – dead in the water without their mate.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, water walk; Cost 1350 gp


Number three was pretty terrible, just a reskin of an actual item. I never gave it much thought and moved post-haste to number four a few minutes after finishing it. I did like the idea of hundreds of wanton boots floating in pirate-infested waters, however.

Gnomish Springwire:

Gnomish Springwire
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot – ; Price 700 gp (100 ft.) 2500 gp (200 ft.) 5000 gp (300 ft.); Weight
Description
Gnomish springwire was designed as a flexible, lightweight and nearly unbreakable replacement to regular rope. The springwire resembles fishing line at a cursory glance, but further examination reveals that it is made out of a single strand of fine, silvery metal. Gnomish springwire is created in spools of 100, 200, or 300 ft.

Any length of gnomish springwire has 5 hit points, hardness 10, and a break DC of 27. When coiled, any spool of springwire fits neatly into a pocket or palm, with a diameter of roughly 3 inches.

The springwire functions as normal rope at all times unless the command word is given. The springwire must be held in a free hand in order for the magic to be activated. Upon command, while holding onto the length of springwire, it begins to respool rapidly. At the start of the round following the command, the springwire fully recoils back into a tidy spool, resting in its owner’s hand. If the springwire is wrapped or tied when the command word is given, it automatically frees itself and begins to respool. Gnomish springwire can only be recalled this way while being grasped by a single creature. Any creature within reach of the springwire may make a check (Reflex DC 25) to grab hold as it passes by. If the creature succeeds, they take damage (3d6) as the metal filament line slices through their hands before it abruptly stops recoiling and falls limply to the ground.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope; Cost ¬¬350 gp. (100 ft.), 1250 gp (200 ft.), 2500 gp (300 ft.)


I spent a lot of time with my fourth item. I liked the idea of having a lightweight, pocket sized rope and played with it quite a bit. When I realized it wasn’t going to fly was when I started thinking about the nature of the wire. If it’s so sharp that it cuts you while retracting, do you need special gloves to wear it? What if I tied up an enemy with the wire then held him over a ledge, would he be diced? My own munchkining caused me to break the item, so it was quickly tossed.

Nivi’s Lucky Cube:

Nivi’s Lucky Cube
Aura faint illusion and transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot – ; Price 950 gp; Weight – lbs.
Description
This small, six sided gambling cube is masterfully cut from a single flawless gemstone. Each surface is carved with sometimes painted dots ranging from 1 to 6. When a command word is whispered and the die is rolled, a spontaneous magical effect occurs. Roll a six sided die, then consult the table below.

Table: Nivi’s Lucky Cube
1. The holder creates a permanent set of playing cards that are one card short of a full deck.
2. The holder creates a permanent set of masterwork thieves’ tools, studded with small gems of varying luster.
3. The holder’s figure becomes faded and hard to place, as per blur for 1d6 rounds.
4. The holder vanishes immediately into a brief haze of prismatic smoke, as per invisibility for 1d6 minutes.
5. The holder's fingers become dexterous, and their body becomes lithe and quick, as per cat's grace for 1d6 minutes.
6. The holder’s eyes glitter like gems and she can see in the dark as if she had darkvision to a range of 60 feet for 1d6 minutes.

A new lucky cube is crafted with three charges. Using a side of the lucky cube to generate a listed effect uses one charge. Additionally, any side of the lucky cube can only be used once in this manner.

Nivi’s lucky cube also functions as a holy symbol if the holder’s patron is Nivi Rhombodazzle, and, when rolled, lands on any side the roller chooses. Talk of more complex and magically potent dice imbued with Nivi's blessing exists, but such artifacts have yet to be discovered.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blur, cat's grace, darkvision, invisibility; Cost 475gp


My fifth item was the hardest of all these to get rid of. I liked everything about it… except that it was a random item. It took about an hour before I convinced myself that I was above using a cliché, so, although it pained me to do so, I pitched Nivi’s lucky cube. That said, I loved all the flavor in this item. I could see down on their luck worshippers of Nivi Rhombodazzle gambling everything they had away, then finding one of these cubes and winning it all back. I also loved the idea of luck-driven clerics gambling with their holy symbol.

After these five, I rolled up three more, one of which I ended up submitting. Overall, the hardest part for me was avoiding the pitfalls Sean went over in his 27 part thread, since each of my items above was guilty of at least one of them. Given that I spent so much time and effort on just 1 decent item, I dread what round 2 is going to look like, assuming I stand a shot of getting in. Anyways, just the ramblings of another shameful writer, hope someone besides me salvaged something from the mess ;)

Liberty's Edge

Again, thank you for posting these and allowing me to show my shabby work of critiquing them. :D

Cloak of the Cobra:

This item is cool. Love the concept of it and style!

Entropic Mirror:

To me this says Spell-in-a-can.

About the broken condition: How long is the duration?

Helm of Power, Lesser (Helm of Power):

So this item gives you a wish? Limited Wish? And/Or costs the wearer XP.

Just in reading the description I can’t identify this clearly. :(

Dreamsnare Shroud:

Are you supposed to wear the shroud all day as well?

Does sleep need to be uninterrupted?

I think the random evolution would hurt this item for the competition. :(

The concept is intriguing to me though.

Helmet of Headlessness:

Wow. I see this as something the BBEG would have and not a PC.

Is there a limited amount of time the head can be separated from the body?

While headless is there a minimum distance the two can be apart?

Is the wearer subject to normal rules on AOO vs the coup-de-grace/sunder? (i.e. limited to one per rd)

Bracers of the Extra Fingers:

Totally agree with your own critique

Liar’s Mask:

Yep. SIAK.

So it’s a buckle (belt?) and is called a mask? With the name of the item I was assuming it was going to be a mask one wore on the face.

Whispering Sandkeys:

So it’s a onetime lockpick?

Are names of lock manufacturers normally engraved on them? (i.e. The locked door in the dungeon)

Master of Ceremonies’ Hand Fan:

The 2nd paragraph really needs to be re-written. :(

On the final ability of the fan though I think the 10 min casting time is a bit much.

The item is cool, makes me think of Esmeralda! :D

Chalk of Exodus:

OK I recall this from somewhere…was it 1st AD&D, a movie, or both? Argh! Damn memory! :(

On some of these I just had questions, and i'm thinking that if I had questions about their abilities then most likely some of the judges would have also and in that would have disqualified them for not be clearly explained.


Standback wrote:
AHalflingNotAHobbit wrote:

Astrolabe of Great Deeds

...

It'd be interesting to see what kind of mechanics might make this work, but alas, I suspect the general concept is too fuzzy to solidify into clear-cut mechanics.

OTOH, I'd love to see a new mechanic/template for formulating prophecies and auspicious dates - perhaps in a similar style to haunts, which is a template for hauntings. That'd be kinda cool.

Thanks for the feedback. I too think this item will never have a good, crunchy 3.x style definition. Too much is campaign-specific.

I might be inclined to give it a shot anyway, if I could only think of a spin on it that would make my players say "Oh my god that's so freaking awesome I want one." But I can't.


Steven T. Helt wrote:

I kept thinking this item was so unuqie, and with potential mojo, that I begged my imagination for ways to save it. Ultimately, I feared its mechanical issues might be never ending and submitted something else.

helmet of headlessness
...

Steven, I love this idea. May I offer my take on it?

Sackcloth Hood of Emptiness

--A black, ragged sackcloth that fits neatly over the head and tops of the shoulders. When worn, the wearer's head is not visible under the hood except for an impenetrable blackness and a pair of sinister red eyes.

--In actuality, the wearer's head is moved onto a small pocket plane. The pocket plane has unlimited air, but no light and no physical features.

--Attacks against the hood yield no result as the hood is in fact empty and well-nigh indestructible.

--Mechanical effects as desired--probably more or less as you described.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Standback

WalterGM, thanks for the fresh treasure hoard :)

Your mittens, mischief stick and boots all seem overly SIAC to me; the springwire less so, but it's very utilatarian gear - not really what I'd look for in a Superstar item. And the die, well, it's a classic random item.

[b]But,[b] your flavor is really very good here. You do a really nice job of adding details which fit the item nicely, while not feeling like the trivial, "obvious" choice for the item. At the same time, your style is clear and succinct. Pair that with a superstar-worthy idea, and I think you're doing good :)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

helmet of headlessness
No physical or effect visual description? For something that effectively removes your head from the material plane, I think that'd be really important. And, oh wait - the head stays inside the helmet? And the body and head now have seperate hit point totals and possibly actions?
Basically, you really really need to do two things: provide a visual description of the effect, and make the effect simpler. Especially making the body and head have different senses part. It gets really complex really fast, and that's not fun for a PC who has, say, their head stolen in the middle of the night. There's a seed that could be awesome here, but this item isn't quite there yet.

Bracers of the extra fingers
Why the extra fingers? Are the extra fingers historical somehow? Remove the 'the' from the name. On the other hand... that's probably your weakest part. This is a neat, well-balanced item. Your description could use a little work to describe exactly how the rings and the hands look, but it's a handy item, no pun intended (but man, that would have been a good one hand I intended it). I only halfway agree with you that this item lacks mojo. Imagine an alchemist with these, holding a bomb in one hand, a mutagen in the other, and two more spare potions. It could be awesome with only a little excuse for allowing you to do stuff with the hands. Like, maybe them aid another-ing you.

liar's mask
Wait, why is it called a mask if it's a belt buckle? Frankly, it should take up the face slot anyways - belt is not the slot for items like this. In the end, I feel the item does too much, too. +3 to cha skills, +5 bluff, disguise self at will, memory lapse 3/day and 1/day disguising as someone else. That last ability should have been the star of the item, and made clearer to boot. Also, I think even 15,000gp is way too little for the number of things this does.

whispering sandkeys
Neat imagery, but I think what basically amounts to twenty nerfed uses of knock should cost nearly 60k, not 1.5k total. But then again, there's way too many restrictions for this to be really useful. In particular, it's totally useless unless you know the lockmaker. Which 99% of adventurers won't 99& of the time. So, maybe 1.5k is a reasonable price, because you can only use this 1% of the time.

Master of Ceremonies' Hand Fan
Fan of the gypsy queen is better, both in flavor and pronouncability. Don't forget Ceremonies' is pronounced [cerimony-ses]. Then, a +2 on all charisma checks is boring. Hyponism is okay, but for the activation time should have a fixed number of HD. The once a week power is... I can't decide if I like it or not.

@motteditor - vaguing it up is a bad policy when it comes to game rules. Pick a number and say it's that one, even if that means you might have the wrong number. A number one off of the right value is a way smaller issue than an undefined number.

@AdAstraGames - it doesn't say that - what about enemies with reach? Spring/fly attack? You don't specify eight, so that means enemies with weird abilities will make your numbers go waay off. I'd also like to add that I agree that I don't like items my PCs outgrow, but that's part of the game. If you look in the existing items, nothing else acts like this - and as the judges have said, that means you probably shouldn't do it that way. This is a wondrous item, not an item of legacy.

Chalk of Exodus
First all, nix the "appears to be" part of your description. The judges hate that because it's a vague sort of thing. Just "is a stick of chalk made of a glittering material" is good. On the other hand, it is a cool item, but the powers as described work more like gate than teleport - even though that would send the minimum CL through the roof. Also, with pan's labarynth a few years ago, people did dozens of chalk-door/teleport items. And some based on portal, too. So, as cool as the itea is, it's far, far from unique.

Mittens of Mauling
Items intended for one particular race fall into the trap of item backstory. Especially as you single out four different race's opinions to them. Ultimately though, three cleaves per day isn't very exciting, cool grossness factor aside.

Miscrean's mischeif stick
I like the name, though "miscreant" does make it feel like a child's toy instead of an adventurer's tool. Next, don't tell the reader what its common use is. It should either be obvious, or open to the weilder's creativity. it's a thematically cool effect, it reminds me of japanese mythology, but I don't know if it's really superstar. I mean, if you're giving someone a 900gp item instead of a bag of gold - is it worth it?

Seven Sea Striders
"referred to by X as Y" is pretty darn close to backstory. That bit at the end is definately backstory. Bad backstory item writer. Other than that, this is just constant water walk... really really not exciting.

gnomish springwire
so... it's a realyl good rope that can also retract automatically. Not really a magic item, frankly. And not superstar, considering the rope of climbing that already exists.

Nivi's Lucky Cube
Two big things. One, if you have to roll it to use it, you're not the holder anymore. Youre a user. There is no holder. Secondly, this is a random effect item, which is less fun for players and greatly disliked by the judges. Finally, who is Nivi? Another backstory item. You really, really, really have to stop using backstory in the item.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

Ryan Marsh wrote:
I wish I had something to add here this year. I just made an item and stuck with it. Refined it. Changed the name a few times. Had some trouble with pricing.

Same here. Lot of revision and tweaking, but only one idea made it past basic brainstorming.

Marathon Voter Season 6

AdAstra's item specified adjacent which means that the max is 8 for a medium sized creature.

Dark Archive Bella Sara Charter Superscriber

I was originally going to submit a magic bullet, which could be inscribed with the user's name. Once inscribed, the bullet's destiny would intertwine with the holder's, and fate would seek to make the bullet into the instrument of the holder's death. Thus, for so long as the holder possessed the bullet, he would receive a 50% chance of ignoring critical hits/sneak attack damage (ala, armor of fortification). However, each week, the holder would need to make a check of some type or lose the bullet. Once lost, the bullet would find it's way into a gun and, if shot at the named person, would automatically inflict a critical hit for maximum damage.

I'm not sure how well this would've worked if fully statted up, but once I sat down to do that I realized one significant problem with the idea - bullets are weapons, not wonderous items.

I'm sure my pink loofa of bacne was a better submission anyway.

Dedicated Voter Season 8

motteditor wrote:
I definitely try to avoid passive writing (I'm a newspaper editor by trade, so I'm very aware of going for active verbs when I can); I think much of the verbiage you're objecting to is actually pretty much copied directly from the mirrors(of opposition and life trapping) in the core rulebook. Perhaps still should have kicked it up a notch.

Heh, forgive me, I'm a student of classical philology, it makes me awfully pedantic on this. I wrote a 5 page assignment on passive/active (and the Ancient Greek only middle) voice, comparing Ancient Languages to English and Danish, so I'm totally hyped over it recently.

To be honest I didn't even notice the similarity in wording, but I'm so overly touchy about English myself, as I'm not a native English speaker (I'm sure there's 20,000 commas too much in this) myself. Anyway, I am not as a great fan of the Ancient Greek language opposed to passive/middle voice. I actually like correctly used passives a lot. Plain active gets me bored (possibly because one of the languages I study have both aspect and tense to mind, as well as three voices). That said, listening to the judges seems to make sense to me, and even then, I would have ignored the passives, if it wasn't for the fact that I thought the description a little murky, but that makes sense if you were trying to use something else, and weren't quite sure on what you wanted anyway. I had huge issues with passive voice and user of item/target of item for the one I submitted. I had several people read over, and analyzed the entire text twice. Anyway, honestly my biggest issue was probably "typically".
Cue personal opinion:
I hate that word. It doesn't make any sense to me describing something in a specific way, only to say that it is "typically" this way. Either it is or it isn't. If people who want one, want it to look different, I'm sure they'll manage. In the mean time "typically" is an empty fill word, with no interesting semantic significance.

motteditor wrote:

I hear where you're coming from with the spell concerns, and considered clone (the mirror of opposition certainly influenced a lot of my thoughts on this item) and even twin form from the alchemist's list.

In the end, I decided I liked the idea of having the multiple images coalesce into a single solid one, and felt like shadow conjuration, as an illusion spell, worked better for that regard. I considered trying to work in some effect about a save or 60 percent damage to make it a little more like the spell, but felt like A) that made it a little to SIAC/SAK and B) got away from the idea of it being a solid duplicate.

Honestly, the spell I wanted to see was project image. It's probably the closest I could find, and illusion as well as the other one.

motteditor wrote:
Price was also really tricky. I think the item is potentially *very* powerful but also *very* limited. I agree that players would be unlikely to buy this item, but I also felt like any adventurer that had an HQ and spent any time there would keep it if they recovered it*. Now how many have that? I don't know. My RL group does (and I could see it in a Kingmaker campaign, which are obviously popular), but do others? I guess my experience is too limited to say.

I might see some of my players use it, but seriously, they always have Portable Holes (yes, in plural), and most frequently use them to transport (dead or alive (for now)) people. I would probably have made a hand-held version, both to make it far more transportable and cheaper. It would also easily clarify that only one person can use it at a time (you try seeing two people in a hand-mirror at once - that's not easy!). Furthermore, I might have put a limit on rounds of effect, which differed from the one on mirror image, partially because I would have been using project image. Using only project image rather than 2 spells would also decrease the price some. It might make the item seem more siac, but that could be modified with some changes to the effect (it's already really close anyway).


Well since people have been so kind as to go through my Kimono of creepiness I'll endeavor to go through soem others when I have time and post my thoughts.

Dedicated Voter Season 8

RonarsCorruption wrote:
Finally, who is Nivi? Another backstory item. You really, really, really have to stop using backstory in the item.

I believe that would classify as Golarion flavor - Nivi's a Golarion Gnome Deity. No, the main issue is that it is random item. They don't like random effects.

Sincerely,
Siv

Dedicated Voter Season 6

Since its seems to be coming up a lot in response to the item, Liar's Mask was a belt buckle to fit with its own theme of deception. At first it was a mask, fitting right over the face, where you'd expect it. Then I decided that keeping the name, but changing the location was just another element of its deceptive nature. Price was a ballpark when it started, but since I dropped the Swiss Army Spell in a Can anyway, didn't make too much sense to try and get a better bearing on its cost.

In general I like the other items posted here, but feel its important to remind folks giving critiques that these items were rejected by their creator already. If something about an item sparks as significant for good or ill, by all means, share that part, but can we spare the full on critiques? It seems like a good incentive not to post your bad idea if someone is just going to tell you how bad you already know it is.

Dedicated Voter Season 8

Oh, seriously. I hate/love this.
I had a list of 10 ideas, all of which I've been adding to, altering and discarding for 2 years. Now, I want to write up an item here (having gained enough in self-esteem that I believe I'm no longer scared of the attention). And whenever I try, I think. Ok, let's try and make this look decent. And then I twist the item for the next hour... until it's no longer a boring, spell in a can-tending and half-formed idea-like item, but something I'm actually hard-pressed to let go of.
My main alternate to my submitted item is starting to feel better than the one I submitted, and now I just had another one do the same. Oh, well, eventually I'll hit one that doesn't get awesome with enough treatment.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32, 2011 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka DankeSean

Luthia wrote:

Oh, seriously. I hate/love this.

I had a list of 10 ideas, all of which I've been adding to, altering and discarding for 2 years. Now, I want to write up an item here (having gained enough in self-esteem that I believe I'm no longer scared of the attention). And whenever I try, I think. Ok, let's try and make this look decent. And then I twist the item for the next hour... until it's no longer a boring, spell in a can-tending and half-formed idea-like item, but something I'm actually hard-pressed to let go of.
My main alternate to my submitted item is starting to feel better than the one I submitted, and now I just had another one do the same. Oh, well, eventually I'll hit one that doesn't get awesome with enough treatment.

Second guessing yourself is as much a part of the RPGSS tradition as anything, especially during the period between submissions closing & the top 32 announcement. The first year I entered I, literally, had a better idea the next day. Which I thought I'd just sit on and submit the next year, and all year long it stayed my main choice for next year's contest even as I spent the summer making other items. Then when entry time for last year's contest came, all of a sudden I can up with an even better idea. Fortunately before I submitted, this time.

So, just saying, it's normal. And it'll get worse before it gets better. ;-) But worst case scenario, you'll already have a head start on next year's contest, whatever the results are this time around. And, of course, best case scenario is you won't need to worry about next year's contest.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

Well yeah, the items in here didn't make the cut. But, by getting feedback you might find out some things you didn't know about your own design tenancies.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

@Azoun The Sage

The box contained 20 one time lock picks that require neither caster nor rogue to use.

The "lock maker name" was to introduce the whispering and potentially some research for the party to find out the locksmiths in town.

Had I continued development, that probably would have been changed to be the sound the sand makes as it falls into the lock mechanism.

It was a first draft reject so definitely had issues.

Hope that helps though.

Shadow Lodge Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Luthia wrote:


My main alternate to my submitted item is starting to feel better than the one I submitted, and now I just had another one do the same. Oh, well, eventually I'll hit one that doesn't get awesome with enough treatment.

I had the same thought (I can't put it here yet because it would 'give away' my entry). Then I reread my entry. Still felt I wasn't sure which one was better, they both felt good.

Still, looking at this, I learned a few things to tweak next year's idea. The item I turned in may fail because I tried to explain things a little too much, while the other item was a little 'cleaner'.

Still, the item I entered was solid.

Shadow Lodge RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka WalterGM

Standback wrote:

WalterGM, thanks for the fresh treasure hoard :)

Your mittens, mischief stick and boots all seem overly SIAC to me; the springwire less so, but it's very utilatarian gear - not really what I'd look for in a Superstar item. And the die, well, it's a classic random item.

[b]But,[b] your flavor is really very good here. You do a really nice job of adding details which fit the item nicely, while not feeling like the trivial, "obvious" choice for the item. At the same time, your style is clear and succinct. Pair that with a superstar-worthy idea, and I think you're doing good :)

Your thoughts on the items are spot on; even more reasons I'm glad I didn't choose them. Thanks for the kind words, hopefully what I submitted is interesting enough to make the cut. There is, regretfully, a small change that I would make to it now but, alas, c'est la vie.

RonarsCorruption wrote:


Mittens of Mauling
Items intended for one particular race fall into the trap of item backstory. Especially as you single out four different race's opinions to them. Ultimately though, three cleaves per day isn't very exciting, cool grossness factor aside.

Agreed, however they can be used by any small sized humanoid, but I see your point. I followed the pattern of the giant-hide armors in terms of gauging race reaction, but the effect was incredibly wimpy and not worth toying with further.

RonarsCorruption wrote:


Miscrean's mischeif stick
I like the name, though "miscreant" does make it feel like a child's toy instead of an adventurer's tool. Next, don't tell the reader what its common use is. It should either be obvious, or open to the weilder's creativity. it's a thematically cool effect, it reminds me of japanese mythology, but I don't know if it's really superstar. I mean, if you're giving someone a 900gp item instead of a bag of gold - is it worth it?

Indeed. I tried to price it lower, but couldn't figure out how to calculate an unlimited SIAC item much lower than 900. Then, because it was a SIAC and I had to describe it too much, as you said, I pitched it.

RonarsCorruption wrote:


Nivi's Lucky Cube
Two big things. One, if you have to roll it to use it, you're not the holder anymore. Youre a user. There is no holder. Secondly, this is a random effect item, which is less fun for players and greatly disliked by the judges. Finally, who is Nivi? Another backstory item. You really, really, really have to stop using backstory in the item.

Thanks for the catch on the holder/user error, I might have missed that if I was submitting it. Here's some lore on Nivi Rhombodazzle. I agree on the random aspect of it, I tried to level it out by letting Nivi-worshipers pick the side it landed on, but ultimately the SAK/SIAC + Random was waaay to cliched for me.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

+2 DRaino wrote:
In general I like the other items posted here, but feel its important to remind folks giving critiques that these items were rejected by their creator already. If something about an item sparks as significant for good or ill, by all means, share that part, but can we spare the full on critiques? It seems like a good incentive not to post your bad idea if someone is just going to tell you how bad you already know it is.

I don't know, I really appreciate the full-on critiques for my item (though I certainly don't want others to be discouraged from posting -- perhaps people should post if they'd like their item picked apart?). I don't get into these types of mechanics discussions too often, so I'm enjoying getting the feedback. Luthia's mostly pointing out the reasons I ended up going in another direction, but is making me glad I did make that decision.


To be fair, there is no topic for "So, you're ineligible, what would YOU have submitted into round 1?"


Can of Spell Storing
Aura Moderate Evocation; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 35,280 gp; Weight

Description
This can looks like it’s been kicked, stomped on, set on fire, punctured, warped, and bled on.
A spellcaster can target a Can of Spell Storing no more than 5 feet away from him when casting any spell that normally affects a circular or cylindrical area (such as a fireball or flame strike). The can absorbs the spell, and the spell doesn't take effect.
The owner of the Can of Spell Storing can release the spell with a command word. The spell takes effect as if cast by the original spellcaster, with the can as center point of the circular area (and, in case of a cylindrical shape, as bottom center point).
A Can of Spell Storing can contain only one spell at a time, but it can be used again after a spell is released from it.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with spell ability; Cost 17,640 gp

[Disclaimer: I made this for various 'serious' reasons, but it was obviously never meant to be a serious item. It would be wondrous if someone merely giggles a bit while reading it.]

Shadow Lodge RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka WalterGM

Bulak wrote:

Can of Spell Storing

Aura Moderate Evocation; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 35,280 gp; Weight

Description
This can looks like it’s been kicked, stomped on, set on fire, punctured, warped, and bled on.
A spellcaster can target a Can of Spell Storing no more than 5 feet away from him when casting any spell that normally affects a circular or cylindrical area (such as a fireball or flame strike). The can absorbs the spell, and the spell doesn't take effect.
The owner of the Can of Spell Storing can release the spell with a command word. The spell takes effect as if cast by the original spellcaster, with the can as center point of the circular area (and, in case of a cylindrical shape, as bottom center point).
A Can of Spell Storing can contain only one spell at a time, but it can be used again after a spell is released from it.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with spell ability; Cost 17,640 gp

Canned tornado anyone? ;)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

can of spell storing
Other than the slightly over-silly description (does it look like that new?), this is basically a much more powerful ring of spell storing for a much lower price. Of course, this is area-effect spells only, but if you're going to have it charged up by a wizard and given to a fighter, that's what you'd do anyways.


RonarsCorruption wrote:

can of spell storing

Other than the slightly over-silly description (does it look like that new?), this is basically a much more powerful ring of spell storing for a much lower price. Of course, this is area-effect spells only, but if you're going to have it charged up by a wizard and given to a fighter, that's what you'd do anyways.

...you know this is a joke item right? As in a literal spell in a can right?

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Standback

AdAstraGames wrote:
To be fair, there is no topic for "So, you're ineligible, what would YOU have submitted into round 1?"

Very true. Think we can get the judges to chime in? :P

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

RonarsCorruption wrote:

helmet of headlessness

No physical or effect visual description? For something that effectively removes your head from the material plane, I think that'd be really important. And, oh wait - the head stays inside the helmet? And the body and head now have seperate hit point totals and possibly actions?
Basically, you really really need to do two things: provide a visual description of the effect, and make the effect simpler. Especially making the body and head have different senses part. It gets really complex really fast, and that's not fun for a PC who has, say, their head stolen in the middle of the night. There's a seed that could be awesome here, but this item isn't quite there yet.

I am really grateful for everyone's feedback.I hope there's more. But I find that maybe the biggest flaw of the item is that the first-time read seems to leave people with weird information. The item doesn't say the head gets a separate hit point total, and explicitly states the body gets the same number of actions.

DO other folks think I should have provided a visual description of what it looks like when someone drops their head? That would crucify word count, and I don't recall other items explaining a visual effect except as it pertains to mechanics. Maybe a good example is in order.

I've also received a few questions that might normally be answered in that they aren't addressed. Frex, 'does someone only get one AoO/round against attempts to sunder the helm?' Since there's no exception the answer would be yes, but enough questions like these were raised by my adventuring group that I wondered how a complicated item gets love. without spending 500 words on all those details. So my actual submission was really simple. But then it maybe had the same or less mojo as the ability to remove your head and be immune to death without the coup de grace.

I think I might start drinking during the annual "Second Guessing Period".

Spoiler:

No, I am not really going to start drinking. Probably couldn't keep it down, anyway.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

+2 DRaino wrote:
Liar's Mask

One of the more famous and awesome items in 3.5e was the mask fo lies. It didn't have the exact same powers, but is very similar. I think you'd have been canned on similarity to an item tons of folk know about.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

Off-topic message for Luthia (and other Danish people):

Hej - hvor i DK er du fra?

Svar evt. i DENNE TRÅD.


AHalflingNotAHobbit wrote:

Astrolabe of Great Deeds

<clip, clip>
 
When the auspicious day arrives, any creature with an intelligence score of 7 or greater and who knows of the foretelling may choose to add a +10 untyped bonus to any d20 roll they are required to make towards completing the specified task. The decision to apply this bonus is made after the d20 die is rolled, but before the results of the roll are revealed. No creature may receive this bonus more than once per day, and summoned creatures never receive it.

I had to re-read again, but for a moment, I thought this read as Astrolube of Great Deeds. :)


This item never got around to the pricing stages or the nitpick stages, but you get the idea.

Philanthropist's Box
Aura Moderate Conjuration and Transmutation; CL 9th
Slot -; Price ....... gp; Weight .....
Description

Silver plated and constructed with wild inlay, this 6" x 12" box is designed to catch the eye. With a command word, this box attunes to the weilder. Anyone opening the box, who is not the attuned owner, must make a a Will save (DC 14). If failed. they must place their most valuable item, which can weigh no more than 1 lb., into the box and swiftly take it to the attuned owner. The opener instinctively knows the quickest and most effective way to get to the owner, but gets another Will save if placed in danger along the way. These effects cease after 1 hour, a successful Will save, or the box is given to the attuned owner.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, helping hand, suggestion; Cost ..... gp


Here is an item I created for the Cleaves Dugeon Cards. I considered submitting it last year but the item seems too complex so I decided to go with something more simple.

Hairpins of Mind-Melding

Aura moderate divination; CL 8th

Slot head; Price 65,000 gp; Weight

Description

This set of matching decorative hairpins creates a permanent telepathic bond, functioning as the spell of the same name, when worn by two individuals. Also, each bonded individual can share senses with their bonded companion, three times per day, exactly as if they had cast the spell of the same name with the exception that all senses (hearing, sight and smell) are shared with the caster.

The effects of share senses are only be felt by the caster, though the spell can be used simultaneously by each individual. While under the effects of share senses any attempt to cast a spell requires a concentration check (DC of the spell + spell level) in order to succeed. The effects of share senses can be ended by the caster as a swift action.

Additionally, any mind-affecting spell cast on a bonded individual requires that both bonded companions make a saving throw. If either bonded companion succeeds their saving throw, both individuals are guarded from the effects. This bond ensures positive mind-affecting effects are shared by both companions.

An individual wearing both hairpins experiences great mental fortitude, receiving a +2 bonus to saving throws made to resist mind-affecting spells and a +2 bonus on concentration checks.

If one or both of the hairpins are removed, damaged or destroyed any and all magical effects are removed.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, share senses, telepathic bond; Cost 32,500 gp


My original idea was a "Bottled Storm" item. But aside from the whole thing being a bit overcomplicated I also realized that I had no friggin' idea how to effectively price the thing.

Bottled Storm

A large bottle of black glass plugged with a thick cork. Very faint sounds of rainfall and the distant rumble of thunder can be heard from inside. Unplugging the bottle releases the torrential rainstorm held inside. The effect of the storm depends on how long the bottle remains uncorked (see below). Replacing the cork requires a DC 18 Strength check to overcome the intense force of wind and rain that pour out.

1st round: Intense gusts of wind and pounding rain spew from the opening in the bottle and continue for three rounds, in addition to the effects of the following rounds. The wind and rain fill a 60’ cone emanating from the mouth of the bottle (every round anyone holding the bottle can choose to change the direction as a free action once per round). The storm produces gale force wind and heavy rain in that area.

2nd round: A bolt of lightning emanates from the mouth of the bottle (10d6 damage, DC 14).

3rd round: An intense blast of thunder duplicating a Shout spell emanates from the mouth of the bottle.

4th round: The wind and rain calm, producing no significant effect and dropping the DC to cork the bottle to 12

5th round: The storm pours out and rises into the sky. The storm fills a 3-mile radius and remains active for 8d12 hours.

            If the bottle is not recorked by the 5th round then any magical properties are permanently lost when the duration of the Call Lightning storm ends. If the bottle is ever destroyed (Hardness 8, 16 HP) then it immediately releases the thunderstorm.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

Steven T. Helt wrote:
DO other folks think I should have provided a visual description of what it looks like when someone drops their head? ...

Just a visual description of the effect, like "when donned, the head severs from the neck". It wasn't clear until halfway through what was physically happening on your item.

And also, very importantly, a physical description of the item. "This shiny silver helmet..." is enough, but right now the only reason you know it's a helmet is because it's named such.

Philanthropist's Box
An interesting idea, but it doesn't really strike me as an adventuring item. I mean, you're supposed to leave it behind? And if you fail your save you run off for one hour, only to suddenly recover? Kinda awkward. Also, your wording on the "most valuable item" bit needs a lot of work. What if the most valuable item weighs more than 1lb? What if they don't own anything? What of their most valuable item is a 0.5lb mithral fishing rod that cannot physically fit in the box?

Hairpins of Mind-Melding
Phew, complex is right! Lots of little nitpicks, too. Hearing, sight and smell aren't all senses. You missed taste and touch. Sharing senses as if by the spell of the same name is awkwardly worded, because of the noun between the "share senses" and "as the spell". I'd italicize the spell and remove the "as a spell by the same name" entirely. Your concentration check needed is weird. Spells don't have default DCs, conditions do. They often use spell levels... Also, you say what the concentration is, then you later give a bonus to it.
Not a bad item, but it needs a lot of polish.

Bottled Thunderstorm
Aw man, I really like this. Sure, it could use a little fine-tuning to make it less complicated, but the flavor is just right for me. I might suggest removing the powers of the second and third round, and turning them into 1 or 3/day powers. Or, maybe each time the power is used, the bottle cracks, eventually releasing the thunderstorm with a growing chance. I really think with a little spit and polish that this item coulda gone far.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7 aka Draconas

Here is an item I originally created back during last years competition as an alternate item but never used. It was up on the block again this year but was once more cut during the final selection.

Ghast Lasher:
Ghast Lasher
Aura moderate conjuration (creation) and necromancy; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DESCRIPTION
This withered tapering tongue appears as though it has been ripped from the mouth of a slavering ghast. Its bruised red surface has the texture of wet leather and the earthy aroma of exotic spices. When held, the tongue twitches with vestige life, wriggling its long tip and scar-puckered root as if it were severed from its source moments ago. This tongue is a favored item amongst worshippers of Urgathoa.

As a standard action, the tongue’s scarred end may be placed against a living creature’s tongue which causes the two to merge together. This action causes 2 points of temporary Constitution damage to the host as the ghast’s tongue siphons blood to become animated. The tongue can be removed at anytime with a standard action to pry it from the mouth, once again dealing the Constitution damage.

When attached, the tongue imparts a number of abilities for its host to use. Three times per day, as a swift action the tongue’s host can use the elastic tongue to make a melee touch attack against a single living creature up to 10 feet away. If successful, the attack does no damage but causes paralysis (1d4+1 rounds, Fortitude DC 15) to its target. Once per day, as a standard action the tongue’s host can breathe out a thick cloud of nauseating stench centered upon them as per stinking cloud. In addition, the tongue can be used to hold, manipulate, or activate small objects no more than 5 lbs such as wands. The tongue must drop anything held in such a way before using its paralysis or stinking cloud abilities.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ghoul touch, mage hand, stinking cloud; Cost 14,000 gp

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