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Clockwork Conscience
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot neck; Price 22,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This pendant of remarkably fine mithral appears to be a glistening clockwork hornet hanging from a thin chain. If the owner becomes stunned or dazed while the hornet is worn against her skin, this item buzzes to life instantly and stings her within a split second. The painful sting deals no damage, but magically shocks her back to her senses at the beginning of her initiative count, reducing the stunned or dazed condition to staggered and thereby allowing her to act that round.
In addition, if the owner is compelled to directly harm herself or her allies by a mind-affecting effect, the hornet also stings, but its magical effect is reversed. When stung in this way, the wearer must attempt a Will save (DC 18) or be dazed for 1 round instead of acting.
The clockwork conscience can sting only once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daze monster, heroic finale or heal; Cost 11,000 gp
Kind of cute. How do you price this item, though? 22,000 gp seems like a lot for what it does. But I don't know. It's an interesting protection sort of item. Not sure I like the name all that much, but I understand what they were going for...
I also like that they're referencing one of the new bard spells from the APG with heroic finale. That shows me they've been researching and digging into new content to find new ideas and underserved areas of the game.
I despise this item name, though.
Weak Keep from me.
This item has a terrible name, and in real life that would require work by the editors to fix.
The item also requires the GM to do a little bookkeeping to track if the item has been used in the current game day but that's not a deal-killer.
I voted to keep this item in the running for Superstar because I think it's a great addition to many characters, and is a good way for the GM to test the party with some potentially very dangerous effects knowing that at least one of them will have a "get out of jail free" card.
I recommend that you vote for this designer.
I like the idea of the item.
I don't like "at the beginning of her initiative count." The proper term is "at the start of her next turn."
I like how it dazes you so you don't hurt yourself.
It doesn't need to be clockwork.
I agree with Ryan that the name is bad.
I think this is a keeper, though.
Solid keep from me.
Great idea. Again, I often say that wondrous items can, and should, do more than just grant spell effects. They should work and interact with rules systems. This one does that. It deals with conditions and responds in a limited way to the application of conditions to the PC. That is good mojo. I love the 1/day limitation. GREAT dual use of undoing daze in one instance and applying daze in another. That is just so well done.
Its lower level, its well done in many ways.
It has some flaws, as noted. Poor rules phraseology in some places (initiative count, as Sean points out, for instance).
This is a perfect example of when some technical or rules flaws should not stand in the way of excellent design. I really am looking forward to seeing what this author has in subsequent rounds. This looks like a consensus top 32.
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So, first off, apparently haters gonna hate, but “clockwork conscience” is an awesome name. Probably my favorite of this year’s item names. The elements of a good magic item are here – a cool high concept, well-written description, nice use of rules – though something that zaps you to stop you hurting your friends doesn’t quite fulfill the promise of a “clockwork conscience,” which I had hoped would involve alignment or something that would come up more often, especially in non-combat moral situations.
But, there’s a central problem with your item. The clockwork conscience protects against the two most un-fun effects in Pathfinder, stun and mind control – i.e. things that make you lose control of your character. What are you hoping for when your character buys this item? Are you afraid that your GM is going to ruin your fun by taking over your combat turn all the time, and you need protection? In that case, you would be satisfied to have this item and for it never to be useful. But rather than take up an item slot on your character sheet, a better solution would be to talk to your GM about why you don’t like this kind of stuff and ask him/her to minimize its presence in the game.
Alternatively, if this isn’t an insurance policy, then when you buy this item, you’re saying to the GM “yeah! Send lots of monsters that daze and confuse (see what I did there?) the party!” After all, if you buy this thing and don’t get to use it it seems kind of boring. But, of course, your fun here is going to come at the expense of the other members of your party who don’t have this protective equipment. Which is cool once, your paranoid dude and his masochistic amulet turn out to save the day, but isn’t going to be interesting as a regular thing.
So in sum, this item doesn’t really have much of a place in any campaign I’ve ever been in where the players and the GM had a good relationship. I could see a situation where the party KNOWS they’re going into the lair of the dreaded sirens, and so they seek out clockwork consciences for protection, but that is too niche for Superstar in my book.
I actually like the name, but then I'm probably not the best person to ask about names.
Welcome to the Top 32. You've given us a great visual (or maybe I'm just a sucker for clockwork insects), but at the core of it, you've also given us a great idea.
I tried to think of similar item and I came up with the necklace of adaptation. Primarily, the necklace protects against certain hazards (gases and vapours), but also allows the wearer to breathe underwater and survive in a vacuum. The necklace only costs 9,000 gp. For 22,000 gp, I would hope that your item could do a little bit more. You're on the right track though. I look forward to seeing your 2nd round submission.
What I like:
Well, it's a clockwork item, as the title implies, so I'm interested in it right off the bat. In fact, confession, I've been saving this for my last review.
What I love:
I find myself really liking the fact that this isn't a get out of jail free card; it doesn't dispel whatever ails you, it just reduces the severity of effect or temporarily halts you. You keep the effect small and simple; kinda like a little cricket sitting on your shoulder. :-)
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
It's really unusual to see an item that gets weaker as you level because your saving throws are getting better, instead of your opponents. I suppose, really, this is the kind of item that's going to be most useful on characters that have weak Will saves in the first place, or else there wouldn't really be the need for something to zap them into stillness. So maybe that DC 18 Will save won't become too dated too quickly. Still, given how small the effect one round of dazing is (it's not like a single round is going to keep the barbarian from chopping his friends into bits for too long), maybe you could have forgone the saving throw altogether.
All in all...
This is kinda cool. I wasn't sure, based on the name, what it would do, but the more I think about it the more it grows on me. (And, just to be contrary: I do love the name, not just because of the clockwork but because of what it does.) I think this has a neat effect as a 'second chance' kind of item. Like others have said, I'd lower the price point on this given that it's just a 'small, still voice' type of effect, but otherwise I'm quite happy with it. Congratulations and welcome to RPG Superstar!
So, first off, apparently haters gonna hate, but “clockwork conscience” is an awesome name.
But, there’s a central problem with your item. The clockwork conscience protects against the two most un-fun effects in Pathfinder, stun and mind control – i.e. things that make you lose control of your character. What are you hoping for when your character buys this item? Are you afraid that your GM is going to ruin your fun by taking over your combat turn all the time, and you need protection?
Alternatively, if this isn’t an insurance policy, then when you buy this item, you’re saying to the GM “yeah! Send lots of monsters that daze and confuse (see what I did there?) the party!”
So in sum, this item doesn’t really have much of a place in any campaign I’ve ever been in where the players and the GM had a good relationship.
They're the judges obviously, but I think I disagree with all four points above. I think it's a cool item, but I don't like the name.
As a PC you have lots of ways you can be attacked. Hit points + AC are the ones that new players focus on, but smart players buy cloaks of resistance. Why? Because things that can hurt you don't just come in on AC. Smart spellcasters run freedom of movement as another form of defence.
This item offers additional defensive choices for those sorts of players, at a price, but a reasonable one. I think it's pretty neat. I'm not sure I agree with Sean McG saying it's weaker at higher levels. I think its more powerful at higher levels as the penalty for missing a round or being MC'ed can be much more substantial.
As well as being mechanically sound, it's a cool concept, so I like it.
I agree with the others. I like the item, but the name is meh. My characters don't pay for names though. Keeper in my book. :)
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I've got a little confession to make, the reason this is the first item I have looked at out of the submissions is because I actually LOVE the name.
I have another confession: the item was nothing like what I expected to see from looking at the name, lol.
Rather than saying the name is bad, I'd like to say the name doesn't fit the item itself. When I see "Clockwork Conscience" my expectation is that the item is going to have an effect related to alignments or how alignments are perceived (bad example: an amulet which can be used for up to one minute per day over non-consecutive rounds to make a PC appear to have a different alignment than their own). So, I disagree that the name is bad, but agree it isn't apt for the object being described.
As far as the functionality of this item goes, I think it's pretty neat. I like the fact it doesn't seek to altogether eliminate adverse conditions, but rather provides PCs with a couple of extra opportunities to perform possible game-changing actions. I like it, think you did a good job, David. Cheers! Oh, and congrats on getting into the final 32 :D
I REALLY like this item! Aside from the name stuff (which i agree with psalmist on - good name, wrong item for it) The player in me absolutely hates any effect that takes control of my character away from me. Everyone one of my characters would have one of these, especially at lower levels. At higher levels I'd keep one around just in case.
If you're mind controlled it's not just you that's losing actions - your healer has to work to help you, rather than concentrating on other things, making some tougher fights near impossible. This item could potentially be the difference between a TPK and a heroic victoy.
I like it.
I'm not sure I agree with Sean McG saying it's weaker at higher levels. I think its more powerful at higher levels as the penalty for missing a round or being MC'ed can be much more substantial.
What I meant there, though was that a character who owns one of these becomes less likely to benefit from its effects (at least the second effect) at high levels, because they're more likely to succeed at the will save and thus not be aided by the item's daze power. That's what just felt a little off to me about that anti-mind control effect; as your own saving throws increase, the conscience is less likely to be able to protect you. It's not a huge flaw, just felt odd. I think if the saving throw wasn't there it's more beneficial for the user and still not game-breaking.
I really like this item. It does something pretty simple yet in an elegant, flavorful way. In an earlier advice column, I mentioned how describing how an item functions can help punch up relatively simple mechanics (like my item from last year). This, I think, is a great example of that. Good work.
I'm not sure I agree with Sean McG saying it's weaker at higher levels. I think its more powerful at higher levels as the penalty for missing a round or being MC'ed can be much more substantial.What I meant there, though was that a character who owns one of these becomes less likely to benefit from its effects (at least the second effect) at high levels, because they're more likely to succeed at the will save and thus not be aided by the item's daze power. That's what just felt a little off to me about that anti-mind control effect; as your own saving throws increase, the conscience is less likely to be able to protect you. It's not a huge flaw, just felt odd. I think if the saving throw wasn't there it's more beneficial for the user and still not game-breaking.
Oh, I see. I read the item's text as (A) always prevent the Mind Control and (B) become dazed unless you pass the Will save. I can see how you read it as passing the save means you don't get (A). It's a little unclear.
Thanks for the responses, everyone! I'm honored to be in the top 32. The positive feedback and constructive criticism are both much appreciated. I shall respond to the criticism and questions below.
First of all, I can definitely see where many are coming from on the name. I should have included a sentence or so of concept explanation to help that feel like a better fit (perhaps something to the effect of "This talisman was created by a wizard concerned for the sanctity of her free will. She empowered it to keep her from being complacent when she should act and to stay her hand when she was misguided."), and I really like the idea of it reflecting on alignment. In retrospect, I would probably have the self-dazing effect also trigger when the wearer was about to violate her code of conduct or perform an action warranting a change of alignment, even of her own choice.
I priced it roughly around heroic finale, because it's granting a free standard action to a character who would otherwise not act.
The item also requires the GM to do a little bookkeeping to track if the item has been used in the current game day but that's not a deal-killer.
The GM could always just ask the player whether it's been used.
I don't like "at the beginning of her initiative count." The proper term is "at the start of her next turn."
Thanks for the correction.
It doesn't need to be clockwork.
True, it doesn't. I only used clockwork because it fit the look that popped into my head when I was trying to explain the mechanical effect I wanted (ameliorating stun and daze). Is clockwork something to be avoided if possible? I have not noticed a glut of clockwork-looking items, but that may be due to a simple lack of exposure.
But, there’s a central problem with your item. The clockwork conscience protects against the two most un-fun effects in Pathfinder, stun and mind control – i.e. things that make you lose control of your character. What are you hoping for when your character buys this item? Are you afraid that your GM is going to ruin your fun by taking over your combat turn all the time, and you need protection? In that case, you would be satisfied to have this item and for it never to be useful. But rather than take up an item slot on your character sheet, a better solution would be to talk to your GM about why you don’t like this kind of stuff and ask him/her to minimize its presence in the game.
*Nobody* enjoys being dazed or stunned, so it will not be particularly weird to buy an item to make the occasional but inevitable turn of dazing, stunning, or mind control (everyone gets hit by these sometimes, but not terribly often) less of a pain.
Alternatively, if this isn’t an insurance policy, then when you buy this item, you’re saying to the GM “yeah! Send lots of monsters that daze and confuse (see what I did there?) the party!” After all, if you buy this thing and don’t get to use it it seems kind of boring. But, of course, your fun here is going to come at the expense of the other members of your party who don’t have this protective equipment. Which is cool once, your paranoid dude and his masochistic amulet turn out to save the day, but isn’t going to be interesting as a regular thing.
I disagree. The item is clearly designed, by its 1/day limitation at the very least, to be a stopgap in a variety of situations. It's not designed to have fights built around it by GMs, but will come up naturally because there are plenty of foes that normally use one of the effects it protects against.
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
It's really unusual to see an item that gets weaker as you level because your saving throws are getting better, instead of your opponents. I suppose, really, this is the kind of item that's going to be most useful on characters that have weak Will saves in the first place, or else there wouldn't really be the need for something to zap them into stillness. So maybe that DC 18 Will save won't become too dated too quickly. Still, given how small the effect one round of dazing is (it's not like a single round is going to keep the barbarian from chopping his friends into bits for too long), maybe you could have forgone the saving throw altogether.
You make a good point about the Will save. I think in retrospect I would remove it and allow the item to work automatically.
As a last design thought, the price is probably a little too high for how it is currently worded, since it's not giving more actions than usual, but rather mitigating the loss of actions. I would add the changes mentioned above to make it a better deal and then reduce the price to 18,000 gp.
Finally, thanks again for all the feedback, everyone!
Clockwork items are fine, but you've got to have the right market for them. And, if they're actually clockwork, they're not really magical are they? That's a fine line.
For me though, I can see why you chose the name, but it took me until someone mentioned a cricket before I actually made the connection. That's way too long. A neat item though, and it does things I haven't seen before.
As an example for where this would be useful, psionic wilders get dazed pretty regularly, so this would be an awesome item for one of them. And I've designed a very similar thing for a player of mine with that exact problem. So, I like it, but you really need to get a better name on it.
To speak to the Will save issue, you can always voluntarily forgo a saving throw and willingly accept a spell's results. Unless you were in a situation where you actually want to be magically compelled to attack yourself or your allies for some reason, you don't even need to roll the Will save, just let yourself be dazed by the sting.
I like the name. I like the item. I'm not sure they fit with eachother.
As for the effects, I like the ability to reduce stuns. I wonder how multi-round stuns work with it though. Does it affect every round, or just the one it injects you?
For confusion and compulsion effects, I would instead have it give the wearer a second save. The daze effect is neat, but I would usually be disappointed if my get out of stun free card prevented me from getting revenge on my fellow players without repercussion :)
I think the name works but I can imagine people getting pretty sick of the word clockwork being attached to everything (like steampunk). Very original idea but I think the clunky writing might be a deal breaker in future rounds.
Good luck.
Ah, more posts. Excellent!
To speak to the Will save issue, you can always voluntarily forgo a saving throw and willingly accept a spell's results. Unless you were in a situation where you actually want to be magically compelled to attack yourself or your allies for some reason, you don't even need to roll the Will save, just let yourself be dazed by the sting.
Interesting... This seems sound for simple effects such as insanity's self-attack action. However, it gets a little fuzzier when it comes to more encompassing effects. For example, if you were charmed or dominated into damaging an ally, even non-lethally, wouldn't the charm or domination make you want to roll the Will save?
As for the effects, I like the ability to reduce stuns. I wonder how multi-round stuns work with it though. Does it affect every round, or just the one it injects you?
It's meant to turn that one stun or daze effect into a staggered effect, for as long as the daze or stun would have lasted.
For confusion and compulsion effects, I would instead have it give the wearer a second save. The daze effect is neat, but I would usually be disappointed if my get out of stun free card prevented me from getting revenge on my fellow players without repercussion :)
Heh, fair enough. For that, I'd recommend asking your GM if you can get a custom version that costs less (around half price, I'd say) that just has the stun/daze negation and doesn't deal with mind-affecting effects. ;)
Very original idea but I think the clunky writing might be a deal breaker in future rounds.
Then I suppose it's a good thing I don't intend on submitting anything this clunkily-worded again. :)
Thanks again for taking the time to comment, everyone!
Ahh! Hive mind! I had a wondrous item just like this only it was a hand on a chain that would "snap" you out of being dazed and slap you back into consciousness. That being said of course I think your item is top notch, you executed very nicely and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Now if you'll excuse me *sniffle* I have some business *sob* to attend to. *crosses potential wondrous item off next years entry list*
I was on the fence about this item for awhile but after coming back to it I like it.
First I love clockwork things (although this isn't really all that clockworky) but I also like that it's a 1/day safety net (nothing sucks more than having to murder your friends or yourself) I also love the the duality of the item.
all and all good work it didn't make my top five but it's a good item and I would use it my games.
Thanks for your thoughts, benjover and SquishyPoetFromBeyondTheStars (great name, by the way)! :)
Ahh! Hive mind!
(Shh! If folks knew about my secret power it might not work on them!) Er... nobody pay any heed to this obviously irrelevant comment... :D
Congratulations David, Except for the lack of clockwork I like this item. A simple effect that has multiple uses and it is tightly written. Nice job, I hope you go far.
I like the name by itself, and I like the item, but I don't think they match each other. I was expecting a robot Jiminy Cricket. ^.^
Love the item, like the name - but I don't think "conscience" is a good word choice given the theme.
Ah, more posts. Excellent!
To speak to the Will save issue, you can always voluntarily forgo a saving throw and willingly accept a spell's results. Unless you were in a situation where you actually want to be magically compelled to attack yourself or your allies for some reason, you don't even need to roll the Will save, just let yourself be dazed by the sting.Interesting... This seems sound for simple effects such as insanity's self-attack action. However, it gets a little fuzzier when it comes to more encompassing effects. For example, if you were charmed or dominated into damaging an ally, even non-lethally, wouldn't the charm or domination make you want to roll the Will save?
As a player and a GM I would assume that you are not actually charmed or dominated until after you fail the Will save vs. an effect, so the option to deliberately forgo your option to roll a save is still up to you.
Congratulations on making the top 32 and good luck further on!
Analysis
Name: I might have liked you to tell me that it is a necklace. I expected an unslotted item. The allitteration works well for you, especially because the two words are closely connected.
Effect: It's neat, and I like it. It's not quite enough to be a favourite, but it's well described and smooth, and overall you've got a space fairly close to a favourite space. Amaze me just a little more in the next round?
Thanks for the new comments, Curaigh, EvilMidnightLurker, Alkwraith, and Luthia! I'll take them to heart.
As a player and a GM I would assume that you are not actually charmed or dominated until after you fail the Will save vs. an effect, so the option to deliberately forgo your option to roll a save is still up to you.Ah, more posts. Excellent!
To speak to the Will save issue, you can always voluntarily forgo a saving throw and willingly accept a spell's results. Unless you were in a situation where you actually want to be magically compelled to attack yourself or your allies for some reason, you don't even need to roll the Will save, just let yourself be dazed by the sting.Interesting... This seems sound for simple effects such as insanity's self-attack action. However, it gets a little fuzzier when it comes to more encompassing effects. For example, if you were charmed or dominated into damaging an ally, even non-lethally, wouldn't the charm or domination make you want to roll the Will save?
Ah. I figured that the item as written doesn't take effect until the mind control is already influencing you, since you have to fail the initial Will save before the effect can be making you attack yourself or an ally. But, I can see how it might be taken otherwise. Definitely something I would clarify if I had a chance to re-submit the item.
Effect: It's neat, and I like it. It's not quite enough to be a favourite, but it's well described and smooth, and overall you've got a space fairly close to a favourite space. Amaze me just a little more in the next round?
Just submitted it, and I hope that it does! :)
Just getting to these now. Yes, Clockwork Conscience is a great name, so it gets the first click.
Does this feel like two items in one? I like the Conscience aspect, that it "corrects" harmful, charmed acts. And I like the magical shock power to remove dazed condition. But both together? I'm not sure they fit.
Also, as has been said, it seems on the expensive side. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as an intricate device such as this should be intrinsically valuable beyond its "magic item" status. That being said, that sort of flavour is for a GM IMO, and assessing the cost purely on the items functionality, the price is too high.
That all sounds like criticism, but I do like both the concept and the execution. More clockwork!
I love the idea of the item and what it does. I agree with Clark.
I don't think the name is the best, and the item didn't need to be a clockwork- but I don't think the topic really deserves the attention it got, or continues to receive.
I like the item but the name makes me think of a brain shaped construct.
Hmm.
I'm running a pre-packaged campaign which involves monsters what can use dominate person once per day as the main villains.
I have one player who hate-hate-HATES being mind controlled... and I don't think most of the other players -like- it. But they all like the core concept of the campaign.
Am I a jerk because I refuse to remove one of the signature abilities of the main villain monster race, who used to rule humanity with an iron fist?
I'd like to think I'm not. I mean, players don't like their characters being paralyzed, nauseated, held, or even killed, but I'm not going to remove those effects from the game rules.
That said, I'm probably going to include this item in my game because I think the nice DM thing to do is to include an escape trick for the players most concerned about the effect.
I think being a good GM involves compromise.
This item enables it.
Therefore, I applaud it.
Hmm.
I'm running a pre-packaged campaign which involves monsters what can use dominate person once per day as the main villains.
I have one player who hate-hate-HATES being mind controlled... and I don't think most of the other players -like- it. But they all like the core concept of the campaign.
Am I a jerk because I refuse to remove one of the signature abilities of the main villain monster race, who used to rule humanity with an iron fist?
I'd like to think I'm not. I mean, players don't like their characters being paralyzed, nauseated, held, or even killed, but I'm not going to remove those effects from the game rules.
That said, I'm probably going to include this item in my game because I think the nice DM thing to do is to include an escape trick for the players most concerned about the effect.
I think being a good GM involves compromise.
This item enables it.
Therefore, I applaud it.
As a player that hates mind control, and a GM that has a strange affection for it...
+1 to this.
I love the addition of the buzzing it makes when it goes to work. In a situation where a character gets dominated/controlled, the wasp serves to warn the character's allies that something is wrong. If some monster or spell takes control of the character silently, the wasp acts like an alarm, also helping protect the party in a way.
Cool!
Just getting to these now. Yes, Clockwork Conscience is a great name, so it gets the first click.
Glad you liked it!
Does this feel like two items in one? I like the Conscience aspect, that it "corrects" harmful, charmed acts. And I like the magical shock power to remove dazed condition. But both together? I'm not sure they fit.
My logic was that both are very similar in their effect on gameplay--making a player less cut off from contributing--and both were appropriate results of a magical sting. And both involve dazing, similar to a reversible spell from 3.0 or earlier editions of D&D (where flesh to stone and stone to flesh were the same spell), if not quite as symmetrical.
That all sounds like criticism, but I do like both the concept and the execution. More clockwork!
Thanks!
I don't think the name is the best, and the item didn't need to be a clockwork- but I don't think the topic really deserves the attention it got, or continues to receive.
I am hoping the rarity of complaints about the actual concept and effect means that they are generally appreciated. :)
Thanks for the thought, doctor_wu. I've certainly learned a lesson about fitting a name together with a mechanic.
Am I a jerk because I refuse to remove one of the signature abilities of the main villain monster race, who used to rule humanity with an iron fist?
I'd like to think I'm not. I mean, players don't like their characters being paralyzed, nauseated, held, or even killed, but I'm not going to remove those effects from the game rules.
That said, I'm probably going to include this item in my game because I think the nice DM thing to do is to include an escape trick for the players most concerned about the effect.
I think being a good GM involves compromise.
This item enables it.
Therefore, I applaud it.
Thanks for the example, and thank you for your applause. This sort of compromise is exactly what I had hoped for, and I'm relieved and pleased to see it work.
On that note, thanks for the player's perspective, Alex.
I love the addition of the buzzing it makes when it goes to work. In a situation where a character gets dominated/controlled, the wasp serves to warn the character's allies that something is wrong. If some monster or spell takes control of the character silently, the wasp acts like an alarm, also helping protect the party in a way.
Cool!
That's a really intriguing perspective. Actually, I hadn't thought of that! I'm definitely excited to see my work taken in an unexpected but useful and appropriate direction. :)
As always, all these earnest comments are much appreciated!
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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This item conjures a great visual of clockwork gears and springs forcing a stinger into the wearer. Now, I personally would never want to wear one of these, but my characters wouldn't mind.
Congratulations on getting into the top 32, David! I'll be interested to see your organization.
This item has broad appeal for all PCs. Kudos David.
Hey David, this has become one of my favorite of the Top 32 items, one that's most stuck in my memory (I think I've called for people to use it a couple times, now, possibly including myself while trying to stay awake while writing my organization). While some classes have a "must-have" item for the neck slot, I could see any other PCs wanting this for that valuable location.
Also, I don't mind the name at all. I'm not quite sure WHY the item's clockwork, but if it is, I think the name works perfectly fine. (If I were running a Golarion campaign, I might try to choose a different insect than hornet, since they're a little too close to wasps, and thus Callistria, for my tastes, but that's a minor issue.)
Opponent overview
Style Mastery - Moderate. Nice descriptions, but clunky name. Watch the use of "this item appears to be" - unless there is some reason to suspect it isn't what it appears to be.
Mechanics Mastery - Strong. Nice and simple item
Golarion Mastery - Unknown. Setting neutral item.
Special Abilities - Favored by the crowd, and for good reason.
CR 12 - Very likely to advance, unless round 2 goes very poorly.
First off, the name: I don't mind it, though it is a bit of a red herring. It feels like a vestige of an earlier concept for the item.
Speaking of the concept: it's very strong. This item fills a niche that needed filling, and it does so with unique style. I like the clockwork insect idea. The mechanics pretty much support your concept and seem simultaneously simple and well-thought out. The terminology issues in this entry don't seem to reflect a lack of rules knowledge, so they bother me less than some of the errors in other entries this year.
The only place I see a major problem is in this item's "marketing." First off, your price is somewhere in the neighborhood of uber-useful items like the 5x5 carpet of flying, the luckstone, the minor cloak of displacement and the cloak of resistance +5. I can't imagine choosing this item over any of those to get a relatively minor effect just once per day. Secondly, the neck slot offers some stiff competition for this item, notably the amulet of natural armor, which appeals to the tanks who make up a big part of your item's audience. Dropping the clockwork conscience's price would address the first problem, but not the second. I'd rather see the item pumped up to justify its 22k cost, making it a viable competitor for the neck slot. More stings per day wouldn't be out of line, and making the anti-charm effect longer lasting would make this an item worth sacrificing a chunk of natural armor bonus (maybe the effect could permit you to keep dazing yourself each turn that you make a static Will save, up to some maximum number of rounds?).
Other than its awkward pricing, I like just about every aspect of this item. Good luck next round.
I really like this item. I think it's a cool idea, love the execution, and it's handy. My character would be thrilled to find one of these. It protects against two conditions that don't come up very often, but when they do this would be a great item to have on you--one of those, "Oh, what? You don't have one of these?" kind of items. I also like the dichotomy of the effects being opposite one another (but useful in their own right). Nice!
Well done David! I'm not convinced clockwork and magical are mutually exclusive, so I think thematically it's fine. The name totally suits what this item does, if you consider conscience within a broader framework than just morals and ethics/karma. You seemed to have identified a player pet hate and skewered it with this item. Lastly on this comment:
First of all, I can definitely see where many are coming from on the name. I should have included a sentence or so of concept explanation to help that feel like a better fit (perhaps something to the effect of "This talisman was created by a wizard concerned for the sanctity of her free will. She empowered it to keep her from being complacent when she should act and to stay her hand when she was misguided.")...
Probably not. Sounds like backstory. Perhaps something like "This talisman is (a favorite of/ favored by/ commonly worn by) those who value their free will and autonomy..."
Looking forward to your organization...
Name doesn’t do it for me; I almost want something evocative of the hornet—like Guardian Hornet, or something. That said, the effect really appeals to me, helping a character to stay in control of their own actions is very cool. Only a few forward thinking characters of mine would seek this out, but even fewer would turn it down if they happened upon it.
Clockwork Conscience
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot neck; Price 22,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This pendant of remarkably fine mithral appears to be a glistening clockwork hornet hanging from a thin chain. If the owner becomes stunned or dazed while the hornet is worn against her skin, this item buzzes to life instantly and stings her within a split second. The painful sting deals no damage, but magically shocks her back to her senses at the beginning of her initiative count, reducing the stunned or dazed condition to staggered and thereby allowing her to act that round.In addition, if the owner is compelled to directly harm herself or her allies by a mind-affecting effect, the hornet also stings, but its magical effect is reversed. When stung in this way, the wearer must attempt a Will save (DC 18) or be dazed for 1 round instead of acting.
The clockwork conscience can sting only once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, daze monster, heroic finale or heal; Cost 11,000 gp
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
Well, it's mithral, so it's probably not going to need too much care to avoid corrosion/tarnishing with exposure to water, steam, or other such dampness, although it functionally probably doesn't do much of use beyond look pretty in such an environment.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
Conceivably, yes, depending on one's anticipated clientele.
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
Seriously, you've probably got bad taste or judgement if you need one of these on most romantic dates, unless you're using one of these as a gift for some knight of Calistria.
Other Comments?
The name isn't terribly appealing since it involves the word 'conscience', and of course the only conscience which a succubus needs - a social one - is usually sufficiently well developed to handle the niceties of dinner parties.
Plus there's the whole hornet angle of it. It's just asking servants of Calistria to come after you if you don't happen to currently be working with them or for their deity.
And it is a bit expensive for something which is mostly just a hornet on a chain. Oh, and the whole hurting you to shock you out of something, is a bit awkward, unless you're a demon who enjoys pain in limited quantities. (There are some around, but it's more a diabolic than demonic thing.)
Still, pretty though.
Gollum Rating:
Ant Health Warning: this year, I really worked hard on technical execution of my item, so these reviews will likely reflect template use. Brace yourselves for the template fu - it can sting.
Template Use: 9.5/10
"
template fu slumps his shoulders, starts to walk away, stops, turns, grins, points at heal - "Ha!", cackle, "should be alphabetically before heroic finale, in this case the 'or' has no affect on sorting them correctly", swipes a half point and crunches merrily.
Slot affinity: 10/10
Seems to fit well with the sorts of things found on other neck based items, I think the affinity is spot on, I personally would have made it a brooch as my mum had loads of small animal brooches, but thats personal and still neck slot anyway - well done.
Abuseability: 8/10
I thought it was a little pricey for the effects when compared to similarly prices items.
I also wondered what if you were being compelled for some reason to do something that doesn't harm directly - "Gief me all your money." :)
Desirability: 9/10
Quite desireable at all levels - status helping items are always popular at my table.
You didnt say when the recharge for once per day was and I couldn;t find clockwork references in the effects, maybe you meant to say you wind it up at dawn each day or something like that?
Originality: 9/10
Minitaure creature on a necklace was a bit "real world charm bracelet" for me personally and was the only way I could really justify docking any points here. I can see how you probably got the name, "it pricked my conscience" being a well known saying in the UK.
Ant Score: 45.5/50 (91%)