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Feywhisper Crown
Aura moderate conjuration, enchantment, and illusion; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 60,400 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
Bound in fine mithral wire, this garland of exotic, aromatic flowers allows its wearer to channel the mystical power of the First World, the primordial home of the fey. The crown and its flowers are obviously not of this world. At times the crown seems to fade and diminish, and other times it manifests more vividly than it seems possible.
The crown grants its wearer DR 2/cold iron and low light vision. Twice per day, as a standard action, the wearer can breathe forth a cloud of shimmering mist that fills a 30-foot radius centered on the wearer. The mist is a haunting amalgamation of thick fog, whispering shadow-shapes, muffled screams, and fey laughter. It remains stationary and obscures all sight, including darkvision, beyond 5 feet. A creature within 5 feet has concealment, and creatures farther away have total concealment. The wearer is able to see through the mist with perfect clarity. A moderate wind (11+ mph) disperses the mist in 4 rounds; a strong wind (21+ mph) disperses the mist in 1 round. Unless dispersed, the mist lasts 30 minutes.
The mist has a memory-stealing effect on the wearer’s enemies. Any creatures the wearer designates as an enemy must make a DC 16 Will save or have no memory of any time spent inside the mist. Enemy spellcasters that fail the Will save also lose a randomly determined prepared spell or available spell slot. Enemies that make the Will save must make a new save each round until they either fail a save or leave the mist. This is a mind-affecting effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fog cloud, haunted fey aspect, modify memory; Cost 30,200 gp
Okay. I admit it. I had my fingers crossed hoping this item would live up to its name. And, in many ways, it did...
I love the name. I love the descriptive text. I love the fey mist with whispering shadow-shapes, muffled screams, and fey laughter. The designer has taken a few steps to tweak some of the spells to make sure they're not just SIACs. For instance, even the original spellcaster can't normally see through his own fog cloud. Obviously, they've blended the memory stealing effects of modify memory with the fog itself. They even tweaked that to have it steal away prepared spells and spell slots (kind of reminiscent of the memory moss hazard, in a way--and that's a good comparison for an item based on the fey). I'm not as keen about the randomizing aspect, the continuing need for Will saves while within the fog, or the ability to use it twice a day (which might be a touch too often).
But, they're making use of one of the new spells from Ultimate Combat (i.e., haunted fey aspect), which clearly inspired some of the thinking here. The high cost of the item helps alleviate some of the concerns about its power level in relation to the PCs who would likely acquire it. The DC 16 Will save isn't so high that the memory stealing effect will lay every spellcaster low (as Will saves should be a strength for them). The presentation and attention to detail in using the provided template is top-notch. And the rest of the item's aspects have some pretty serious mojo to them. I'd be real interested in seeing what else this designer can bring to the competition.
Vote to Keep.
I like the name, I like the feel of the item, I like what it can do. I don't like that they basically repeated some of the text of fog cloud, but that can be beaten out of them.
Keep!
(BTW, seeing this item makes me wish we had a pun/parody round, and that someone would submit the helm of the fellnight queen just as a poke at Neil...)
This is a nice combo of effects tightly designed to a theme. Do I think they are purposely trying to suck up to Neil with this theme? Yes. But hey, its a cutthroat world so good on you! :) Its hard to define, but this item feels more unified than [some other items].
KEEP.
This is an example of an item that does too much. I voted to keep it in the running for Superstar in spite of its flaws, which include some bad grammar and some confusing language. The last paragraph in particular I felt was overkill - it was unnecessary to the item, and will add to the GM's workload without delivering much value to the game.
I recommend that you vote for this designer.
Wow, I'm sometimes surprised how much a good designer can do with only 300 words (or 297 in this case, despite the addition of fog cloud rules text). Welcome to the Top 32! You've certainly got one of the more flavourful entries this year. In particular:
The mist is a haunting amalgamation of thick fog, whispering shadow-shapes, muffled screams, and fey laughter.
You really had me with that sentence. Once again, I find myself agreeing with Clark: this is one of this year's most unified items, expertly blending theme, mechanics and flavour together. Great job!
What I like:
The description, both of the physical item and even more so of what it does, are incredibly vivid and well written. It is hard to balance that and still come off with a solid, new effect, and I think you've done a great job of that here.
What I love:
The memory-nullifying fog effect is fantastic. I was worried that it was going to be maybe too subtle an effect, since 'retains no memories' is one of those things that's more useful to a roleplay heavy group than a hack & slash oriented one, but then you got to the part about casters losing spells and I was assuaged. it would be nice if there were an equivalently negative effect on non-casters, but I can't really think of how I'd implement that off the top of my head.
What needs a little sumptin' sumptin'...
The continuous low light vision I don't mind; the continuous DR seems a little beefy for my tastes. Still, it is a low DR, and it's a costly item, so it's not too bad a drawback for me.
All in all...
You've got a good balance of skills for this contest; evocative writing and some clever rules-fu. If this item is any indication fo what you've got up your sleeves, I look forward to your submissions in further rounds. Congratulations and welcome to RPG Superstar!
I like this. It reminds me of the ol’ tiefling darkness + darkvision combo from back in the day. The item’s malevolent fey flavor makes it extra fun for players who like creepy, weird PCs.
I can’t quite decide whether the memory-stealing effect is adding on one function too many, or whether it’s totally awesome, but I’m leaning towards the latter. I like that you gave this a nice long duration to make the memory-stealing effect worthwhile, and I especially like that you gave a tactical combat item a power that vastly expands its uses outside of combat.
Intro description isn’t bad, btw, but don’t just say that it’s “obviously” not of this world – explain why. If it’s just the fading/manifesting, then you can just say that.
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Man, Tommy P. This is three years running now. The fact that you keep managing to break into the top 32 is a clear demonstration that regardless of how you place, you got some constant mojo flowing through your necrotic veins. I've been a fan of your previous entries and I'm looking forward to see what other haunts you have in store.
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Welcome back, Tom. Three in a row is a major accomplishment by any measuring stick. Best of luck in your future rounds.
Your name was the first that I saw on the list, and I thought, "I hope Tom wins it this year so someone else can get a chance at the top 32." :)
I really dig this item. It's one that I'd like to put on a villain, because giving the description of breathing out memory erasing fog onto the party would be so much fun as a GM. And I can easily see the party fighting over who got the crown.
It's creepy, it's got mojo, it makes for some fun tactics (since you can see through the fog and no one else can) and it was made by Tom Phillips whose work I have always enjoyed. Good luck, bud.
Awesome! Congrats, Tom!
I love the name. Feywhisper Crown. It just oozes dark First World appeal. Simple. Elegant.
Say it again. "Feywhisper Crown" OoohhhHOHOHOH!
*Ahem* Too many Wondrous Items, in my opinion simply go "X item does Y spell but green" and the nightmare madness that is visualized with the effects are stunning. Very nice. So far, I'm feelin' quite a few of the 32 but if names won the game, you'd be The Winner.
...
"Feywhisper Crown"
Dats ma Boy!!!
BARBARIAN WANT ONE. AM PERFECT FOR TROLLING CASTYS.
NOW HOW BARBARIAN GET FOG WORK ON BATTY BAT..?
I really like this one.
In the words of Lionel Richie:
'You're once...
twice...
three times a Superstar...'
Okay, paraphrasing a bit. I think that's the first time anyone's ever quoted Mr. Richie in a top 32 item thread, but then, you're now the first ever threepeat offender, so it's all kind of records being broken.
So, okay, we get it. You can get into the top 32 anytime you damn please and there's nothing we can do about it. Now become ineligible already and stop holding this slot hostage!
Just kidding. I do think your items get stronger every year; this time around this one's probably in my personal top five.
Best of luck to you; I know you've got strong stuff to show, and I do hope that you're ineligible for next year's contest, but I mean all the best possible things when I say that. :-)
Congrats, Tom. After a quick read through all the items, I think this one is a clear winner for me, an innovative item with unique powers coupled with very evocative imagery.
Tom didn't just manage to get in three years in a row, this was one of only 20 (yeah, that's right, 20) items out of ALL the items submitted that all 4 judges agreed we should keep AND also agreed was a lock for top 32. Now that is hard to do...You'd think with all the items submitted (and it was a lot), we'd agree on more than 20. Nope. But this was one of them.
Congratulations Tom! And welcome back. Three times. THREE! Great job and I expect you will at go least two more rounds this year, because last year was just awesome! :)
Nice work Tom, third time's a charm!
Thanks, everyone! I'm excited and honored to get a third crack at the crown. I'm hoping I can muster up enough mojo to break out of my always-a-bridesmaid role. ;-)
Congratulations on the third time! Now that's something, and I've got to say, even more so, it's an achievement to have all the judges like your item a lot. I, for one, am with them on that. You may not have my favourite item - I'm quite sure on which that is - but you're definitely making my personal top 3. Fey, First World, new spells, good spell combination, good flavor. Yeah, I'm liking this item a lot. I might just steal it for an NPC/Villain or two now and then.
Good luck making your 2nd top 16 - If your orgnization brings as much or more than your item, I'd say you have a good chance.
I love the flavor here, and while I can't see myself using it personally, I can very clearly see some of my players wanting to use it anyways. They've got a thing for crowns...
Good work, I hope to see you moving forward this year!
Feywhisper Crown
Aura moderate conjuration, enchantment, and illusion; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 60,400 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.Description
Bound in fine mithral wire, this garland of exotic, aromatic flowers allows its wearer to channel the mystical power of the First World, the primordial home of the fey. The crown and its flowers are obviously not of this world. At times the crown seems to fade and diminish, and other times it manifests more vividly than it seems possible.The crown grants its wearer DR 2/cold iron and low light vision. Twice per day, as a standard action, the wearer can breathe forth a cloud of shimmering mist that fills a 30-foot radius centered on the wearer. The mist is a haunting amalgamation of thick fog, whispering shadow-shapes, muffled screams, and fey laughter. It remains stationary and obscures all sight, including darkvision, beyond 5 feet. A creature within 5 feet has concealment, and creatures farther away have total concealment. The wearer is able to see through the mist with perfect clarity. A moderate wind (11+ mph) disperses the mist in 4 rounds; a strong wind (21+ mph) disperses the mist in 1 round. Unless dispersed, the mist lasts 30 minutes.
The mist has a memory-stealing effect on the wearer’s enemies. Any creatures the wearer designates as an enemy must make a DC 16 Will save or have no memory of any time spent inside the mist. Enemy spellcasters that fail the Will save also lose a randomly determined prepared spell or available spell slot. Enemies that make the Will save must make a new save each round until they either fail a save or leave the mist. This is a mind-affecting effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fog cloud, haunted fey aspect, modify memory; Cost 30,200 gp
Disclaimer:
Note:
Fair is foul and foul is fair supposedly . Basically, though, does this item have any useful application in a spa?
It's pretty, but it's pretty expensive. And basically, except from the point of view of appearances, it's pretty useless in any spa which you want to get invited back to, because someone is going to notice the whole fog-cloud thing if you try and use it and remember it.
Assuming for a moment that it’s more convenient to pay taxes than to circumvent the system, does this item look likely to be a tax-deductible business expense for a succubus art-dealer?
Not unless one is entertaining fey, and then one risks them being quite annoyed at an item like this being in the hands of a non-fey, and stroppy nymphs are a problem, believe me...
Is the item useful in a strawberries-and-cream-tea context?
Whilst certain applications spring to mind, since most succubi of discernment and good taste do not want to make enemies of (handsome) noble knights, the memory-stealing business is essentially useless for the purposes of innocent mischief.
Other Comments?
This is a very nice item, but beyond being pretty (which is admittedly very important in many items) it doesn't offer much of use to a succubus for the price-tag, which is a bit of a shame...
Still, good try, and as a free-sample this is an item I will
not be sending back or looking to pass off as a solstice present on some unsuspecting celestial.
Gollum Rating:
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The writing on this was an exquisite blending of flavor text and functional exposition, Tom :D It's not quite as well-written as Ask A RPGSuccubus' last comment, but you had a word count so, it's forgivable :P I enjoy the theme you went with for the item, it unified its abilities well or you chose abilities wisely in keeping with the theme (whichever came first, the chicken or the omelet, lol). I don't know how I feel about the continuous Will saves... I think that its effect should at least be cut down to a reroll every 5 or 6 rounds or so (that would keep it relevant to a battle without making it obnoxious were a PC to for some reason be stranded in the mist for an extended period of time). All-in-all, I find this to be an excellent entry and a well-designed item. I don't know if it's my favorite (mainly because I gravitate towards lower level games and thus more inexpensive/mundane fare, lol), but I definitely think the judges opinions were on the money about moving you forward. And with that, I congratulate you on your fortuitous rise to the 32 (a third time in a row) and wish you gobs of good luck in the upcoming rounds! Cheers!
I think this is the best written item so far. Well done, well done.
I like this one a lot, mostly due to the memory-loss effect. I can't immediately think of any items that wipe memory, and the "Men in Black" possibilities present here certainly got me thinking. In a way, I wish this aspect had been emphasized more - as it is, it seems to come across as something of an after-thought.
Definitely in my top five though.
Awesome Tom!
I'm really impressed here. Nothing but minor quibbles not worth mentioning.
You earned this! Looking forward to next round.
I'd do an analysis, but honestly, I think this is my ultimate favourite this year, and I'm just having a rather hard time finding enough to actually analyse. I love fey, modify memory and hanuted fey aspect are cool spells to be working with, AND you have given me some inspiration for one of my favourite items I may well submit next year! Way to go. Please, impress me as much in the coming rounds, and feel free to have my vote. I'm almost glad not to compete against you (so you better be making it to top 8 at least). Oh, and I absolutely love the name.
Good luck!
Love the item, love the description, love the fog effect. Not too much for the memory effect (needs a higher DC), and I'm not too much for the constant DR effect, though it's high price reflects this power. Over all, very nice! A well deserved first round win.
Just simply a bundle of awesome right here! This has so many potential uses, and so much story potential, that it makes my head hurt. Characters would love to use this, just for the visuals, let alone the actual effects. I can also imagine a DM making great use of the crown in other ways.
Exceptional work!
Tom, kudos. This is an exceptional item.
I think you've done everything this contest is meant for - you've got fascinating flavor, you've got exciting new effects based on old spells, you've got reference to new spells as well. You've got a great theme combined with great utility. In other words, you are one of those rare, magnificent creatures who has managed to get everything right.
Amazing work. Keep it up :D On the strength of this item, I expect you'll have a lot of backers rooting for you. I know you've struck out on previous iterations, but I'm really looking forward to seeing what you can do this time around.
Tom, I'm curious if you've gotten the chance to playtest this? If so, did you use the memory affect on your players?
I once started a session in media res*, with the players later learning their memories had been messed with. Man, they HATED that bad guy (priestesses of Shar, as I recall), though I think they enjoyed the adventure themselves and figuring out what had happened to them.
Just curious how you might play the memory loss out if it's used by an NPC, other than the effects on a spellcaster.
* One of my favorite tricks, which I wish I could find a way to do more often.
I'm a little confused about what happens if they fail the save. I understand they lose a spell or a slot but do they realize this has happened or do they forget and maybe stick around in the fog longer and keep losing spells. The price seems high to me. Does it take an action to designate someone as an enemy?
So of the writing seemed clunky though I did love the description of the mists. Cool item. Good luck.
I understand they lose a spell or a slot but do they realize this has happened or do they forget and maybe stick around in the fog longer and keep losing spells.
Good questions, Ragwaine. It's up to the GM as to whether or not the spell-caster realizes he's lost a spell/slot. I'd play it off by telling the player that his character believes he's already cast the spell, but is having trouble remembering the specifics.
If you make a successful Will save you are immune to the fog's memory loss effect for the rest of the duration. Also, if you fail a save you are only affected by the memory loss effect once. It's not a continuous effect.
Does it take an action to designate someone as an enemy?
Nope!
Tom, I'm curious if you've gotten the chance to playtest this? If so, did you use the memory affect on your players?
No, not yet, but I might try it when I start GM-ing again later this year.
I once started a session in media res*, with the players later learning their memories had been messed with. Man, they HATED that bad guy (priestesses of Shar, as I recall), though I think they enjoyed the adventure themselves and figuring out what had happened to them.
I like that. Even though you're railroading the PCs a bit, it doesn't actually harm them overmuch and adds a cool, novel element to your game. Plus, it's a great way to instill hatred towards an enemy NPC. Consider this idea stolen.
I'd love to hear how you use it, Tom. For me, the previous session had ended with the PCs heading back to town. Conveniently, we ended up not playing again for a while (probably a month), so when we started, I just had them waking up in their hotel rooms to the loud knocking of a belligerent halfling ranger who was demanding to know why they had been in his house. Thus the mystery begins.
It definitely works best if you know your players, so you can try to figure out how they might have acted during the forgotten period. I'm not sure it would work in, say, a module without feeling too much like railroading.
Good questions, Ragwaine.
Thanks for the answers. Kinda funny that I messed up the sentence where I was saying the writing was clunky. DOH!
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Congratulations, Tom, on your 3rd time around in this competition. You definitely know your way around a magic item, and this is no exception, capturing many cool elements of the First World.
I suspect you'll progress much farther this year in the competition, and I certainly look forward to seeing your organization.
+1 for faeries
+1 for creepy mist
+1 for screwing with memories
The only downside is that it's really obvious that it's activating it's primary power. Everyone is going to know you just mind wiped them (unless you mind wiped the mind wipe...)
-X
There’s something very tantalizing here, the DR and low light vision are cool flavor, but exhaling thick memory altering mist is just awesome… I’m having trouble evaluating my opinion of the item as a whole because I like that mist effect so much. Definitely have characters who would make good use of it, and I’m quite intrigued by it in general.
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Congrats on Top 32 (again)!
I agree with the judges on this item. Perhaps due to the cost of the item the DC for the memory effect might be better if a little higher, but I am definitely not an expert at this point and so I bow to your superior knowledge and design skills.
Just out of curiosity, how did you calculate the DC for this item? I ask because some items with effects that require saves make no sense to me. DC 16 is enough that most mid-level spellcasters will probably fail on a natural 7 or below on a d20 (so on average only about 1/3 of the time), plus as long as they are stumbling around in the fog they have to keep rolling each round, so if you can trap them in there for at least 3 rounds you have a pretty good chance of making them lose a spell...
...I think I may have just answered my own question.
Best of luck to you, sir! May this be your lucky number 3. :-)
Ant Health Warning: this year, I really worked hard on technical execution of my item, so these reviews will likely reflect template use. Brace yourselves for the template fu - it can sting.
Template Use: 9.5/10
template fu spots the comma before the and in Aura and, already sated by easy meals elsewhere, goes to sleep sucking hald a point for a dummy to placate his sadness at having to try really hard to find something.
Slot affinity: 8/10
Yuk, the first thing I see after the general description is a boring DR and a racial ability, that could have been saved to the end as the actual standard action is far more intesting and as you progress through the description, the affinity starts to shine. The default action for wondrous items is a standard action, so you could have saved some words here.
I like the subtle twist that it's a head slot item that affects heads other than the one wearing it - very cool.
Abuseability: 8/10
Let's see, the saving every round is a bit strong.
I think most similar affects are save on entry to the area of effect and then you have to leave the effect and re-enter before being asked to save again. I think it may have been better to just keep docking those memory slots on a failed initial save at one per round whilst in the are of effect until they leave, but that's just my thoughts and it would certainly encourage me to scoot out of there.
Can the mist be cancelled by the wearer? If not, then it could end up being a "I went this way" dungeon marker for 30 minutes - a long time for wandering encounters to find the trail :)
Desirability: 8/10
I got a bit muddled by "A creature within 5 feet has concealment...", does this mean a creature witin 5 feet of the mist has concealment or does it mean that creatures within the mist have concealment from those 5 feet away, and total concealment from those further away. I suspect the latter.
Originality: 9/10
Using new spells from new material is always a good way to stand out and you added some novel ideas on the use of mists and concealment. I rather like this item.
Ant Score: 42.5/50 (85%)
Just out of curiosity, how did you calculate the DC for this item?
I followed the general "Saving Throws Against Magic Item Powers" rule from the Core Rulebook. The DC for a saving throw against a spell or spell-like effect is 10 + the level of the spell or effect + the ability modifier of the minimum ability score needed to cast that level of spell.
10 + 4 (modify memory is a 4th level spell) + 2 (ability score of 14 is the minumum needed to cast a 4th level spell) = DC 16.