Thou shalt not use hookers as fishing nets.
Thou shalt who Desna is when you make a Cleric of Desna.
+1 from a former cleric of Desna :D
Thou shalt not whine about "lack of roleplay", when the GM has clearly said that he willst runeth a dungeon crawl.
To be fair, one can roleplay anywhere; it's the difference between a sorcerer saying 'I use magic missile, I roll 6 damage' and 'crouching behind the ruined spokes of the wagon, I ready my last magic missile and, taking careful aim, send a green point of intense light streaking towards the goblin for 6 damage'.
Wow...while I'm reading this thread, I'm really thankful for the gaming group I'm in...and adding my own (from a player's POV).
SIDE INFO: These come from interacting w. a player (kid probably in his early teens) from playing a Pathfinder one-shot at the science fiction/fantasy con my boyfriend & I attend every year and who, sadly, I don't think had ever played before.
THOU SHALT NOT...
...play a 10th level dwarf barbarian and whine for healing when thou is not even below a 1/4 HP.
...announce at the end of the game thou is changing alignment to CE when another player (my boyfriend) is playing a LG paladin.
...tell another player, after the game is over, they "didn't do anything" during the ensuing battle. (This was to me, after my gnome sorceress killed the large winter wolf who was one of the baddies threatening our group).
EPILOGUE: At last year's con, the same kid tried to play again, as a...dwarf barbarian. We alerted the other players about what happened last year and one of them found enough people to fill the seats.
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Easy, The complete adventurer mini from ral partha.Picking your figure was rather important as his rule was you only got what your figure displayed.
I was thinking space ship minis from Star Frontiers. NUKE the dragon!!!
Thou shalt not use hookers as fishing nets.
But... but... she was wearing fishnet stockings!!!
*duck*
Thou shalt use Channel when two party members are at negative HP.
Yeah, I actually ran into one of these in a 4th edition group at a gaming store recently. The group's only healer only had one heal left for the encounter and he was debating which of two injured guys to use it on, even though one of them was still standing and the other was on the floor with negative HP.
Thou shalt not hit on the female players.
Sadly, I've kinda tried it. But I'm not the type of guy to be obnoxious or rude about it. With me, it's more like just trying to be friendly and hoping it goes somewhere. I do know the type you're talking about, though.
Which actually reminds me of another stupidly obvious and all too common cliche:
Thou shalt not play a character of the opposite gender as an overly flirtateous slut.
Seriously - have you ever seen a guy playing a female character who didn't do this? I've recently made my first female character, who I haven't played yet, and I'm trying to working very hard to come up with a personality for her that's decidedly feminine without being sexual.
I thought it was limited to just that one direction of guys playing female characters badly, but I actually have a female friend who has recently played a male character, and decided to make him gay so she could continue to hit on male NPCs like she would if she was playing a female character. In that case, it's humorous. When guys do it with female characters, it's just a bad cliche.
Let's all discuss the worst behavior we've seen from players and the dumbest discussions we've ever had to have with them. I'll begin.
The sorcerer shalt not drop area of effect attack spells where the barbarian is standing.
Actually, that's not always a bad tactic. There was one time in my Rise of the Runelords game when my wizard probably should have dropped a fireball on the barbarian (who, as it turned out, was only in the game for that one session anyway) -- he'd charged into the center of a pack of ghouls outside Fort Rannick, and about fifteen of them were converging on him. Kavren's fireball would have killed most of the ghouls, and probably done less damage to the barbarian than the ghouls ended up doing. However, in-character I decided not to do it for fear of antagonizing the other two Shoanti in the party, especially the ranger who already disliked and distrusted the "Chelaxian finger-wiggler" for knowing too much about necromancy (ironic, as it was one of his prohibited schools, but he'd made some very high Knowledge: Arcana rolls while exploring Foxglove Mansion).
There shall be no yelling at the GM.
There shall be no overruling the GM.
These clowns of yours obviously don't get what the "M" in "GM" stands for.
By the way, Kelsey, I'm not sure if you caught this in the "ask James Jacobs..." thread, so I'm reposting it here just in case: before running PBP, I highly recommend a read through at least some of Aubrey's Rise of the Runelords and Kyrademon's Jade Regent. The latter's discussion thread, in particular, has a lot of good ideas on ways to make the game flow (it works, her party is into the third adventure of the AP already -- they're managing to play it almost as fast as it's being published, which is a heck of a lot faster than my own tabletop RotRL group managed), and the quality of role-play in either of them may turn you green with envy, considering what you've been through with lousy players. Good luck; I hope your own PBP goes as well.
Which actually reminds me of another stupidly obvious and all too common cliche:
Thou shalt not play a character of the opposite gender as an overly flirtateous slut.
Seriously - have you ever seen a guy playing a female character who didn't do this? I've recently made my first female character, who I haven't played yet, and I'm trying to working very hard to come up with a personality for her that's decidedly feminine without being sexual.
I thought it was limited to just that one direction of guys playing female characters badly, but I actually have a female friend who has recently played a male character, and decided to make him gay so she could continue to hit on male NPCs like she would if she was playing a female character. In that case, it's humorous. When guys do it with female characters, it's just a bad cliche.
A few years back, one of my fellow players in a 3rd ed game was playing a female caster... she was the most suggestive and flirtatious character I've encountered. To be fair, this setting involves any male casting characters going insane (Wheel of Time), but still, was a liiitle weird.
Weird is just because you let it be weird. We roleplay to pretend we're someone else and act out stories as that person. While we would not particularly enjoy fighting a red dragon as ourselves, we do enjoy it as another persona. It should not be a no go area with romance to anyone serious about playing their role, I think. Then again, I know most people are not like me in this. Pity really.
A player shalt not ...
"... threaten[ing] my character with the violence of monsters..."
halt the game to look up a rule every time you are in the slightest doubt if it is correctly applied, and ruin the immersion for everyone just because you have a g*#$%~n control-freak issue.
disregard the game whenever you are not in focus, and distract everyone else from the game.
hivemind when you have absolutely no justification to do so in-game.
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Complain and freak out every time their character takes any damage.
Mention anything about "My Little Pony." (and yes, it is a male player doing it. Yes, he likes the show.)
Get angry about a character dying when they are not even serious about focusing on playing instead of goofing off.
Play a druid hippie who won't even let the party hunt for food. Or kill the bad guys. Or contribute anything useful to the party.
Insist that I don't know anything about a PC's religion, when I wrote the campaign and designed the gods personally.
Players shall not whine that GM wants to kill them, that they having no chance of come alive of an encounter that just started.
Players shall not whine that they surely failed their roll instead of announcing their result.
Players shall not tell natural die result instead of total roll result unless the natural roll value was asked or it was natural 20 on an attack roll or saving throw.
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Thou shalt not show up to a role playing game and never talk to anyone unless it's dice roll info. Then when the GM tries to engage him in a role playing situation he says 'No, I don't want to.'
-Flea
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Players shall not tell natural die result instead of total roll result unless the natural roll value was asked or it was natural 20 on an attack roll or saving throw.
Bugs me too. But I try to grant some leeway for people who think out loud with their math.
Which brings me to one of mine:
Thou shalt write down thy normal attack bonus, rather than making us all wait while you add up your STR mod, BAB, and weapon enhancement bonus on every single attack.
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Play a druid hippie who won't even let the party hunt for food. Or kill the bad guys. Or contribute anything useful to the party.
Not all hippies are druids. I ran into one of these as an oracle worshiping some obscure goddess of diplomacy in a Greyhawk based campaign. The subject of hunting animals for food never came up, but she was opposed to violence in general, so she didn't participate directly in fights. She also wouldn't let us kill dying enemies, use intimidation to interrogate prisoners, and all she really brought to the party was a few cure light wounds per day.
The sad part is that from talking to the player, I'm betting she'd be fun to play with if she brought a less annoying character. I was looking forward to that campaign before that disaster of a first session, and now I'm kinda glad the group fell apart.
Speaking of that disaster of a first session, the real reason it fell apart belongs in the player commandments, too:
Thou shalt show up!!!
Seriously, how tough is this? At the character creation session, we all agreed to a date two weeks later to begin playing, and then two people don't show up. One didn't call or anything. The other said she was sick at the last minute, which at least was before playing time. But she was also supposed to be in a different group with me, and for the first session of that one, she called around the starting time to say she'd be there in half an hour, but then never actually showed up.
Players will not attempt to climb over the outer wall of a heavily-guarded mansion, on a busy street, in the middle of a major metropolitan city, during the day, with guards obviously in line of sight, and then complain (extensively) when someone sees them.
Players will not blame the kender in the party for anything... its your fault he got bored while you were planning, wandered off, tried to climb up the pile of gold, slipped, and woke up the dragon.
Thou shalt show up!!!
Seriously, how tough is this? At the character creation session, we all agreed to a date two weeks later to begin playing, and then two people don't show up. One didn't call or anything. The other said she was sick at the last minute, which at least was before playing time. But she was also supposed to be in a different group with me, and for the first session of that one, she called around the starting time to say she'd be there in half an hour, but then never actually showed up.
This has always been a pet peeve of mine, though THANKFULLY our group is VERY good about it!
Yes, By all means, I realize that people have a real life outside of gaming. YES, it's not the most important thing in peoples lives...
but it IS a commitment, and when 3-4 other people have cleared their schedules and possibly turned down other also fun activities for a scheduled game...
you should show up. Or at least call... and Excuse would be nice too ;)
When you sit and wait about an hour or two of our 4 hour game night, and then finally call the missing players to get the response of "oh? was that Tonight?? Ehhhh Not feeling like it tonight..."
It basically says we wasted a lot of OUR time...
Again, thankfully it's been a few years since anyone in my group has done that :)
The players shall not roll 17 six times in a row when we are playing d20.
oh i dont know about that one, i had one PC roll 9 nat 20's in a row, instant killing 2 mariliths and a Balor.
Thou shalt show up!!!Seriously, how tough is this? At the character creation session, we all agreed to a date two weeks later to begin playing, and then two people don't show up. One didn't call or anything. The other said she was sick at the last minute, which at least was before playing time. But she was also supposed to be in a different group with me, and for the first session of that one, she called around the starting time to say she'd be there in half an hour, but then never actually showed up.
I had a situation where we were going to be four players and a GM. Two of these players were tardy, and the GM and the other player were not the most direct people. One time, the GM called them after waiting 30 minutes to start, and they had overslept. Fine, he said, just get over here. That was a 30-minute trip. An hour later, he called them again, at which point they did not answer. We watched a movie, and after three hours, they showed up. Turns out they had been bathing. Nobody else reacted, so I told the GM if he wanted to play with them, he would have to do it without me. The situation was resolved well enough, though I still don't play with them.
It should not be a no go area with romance to anyone serious about playing their role, I think. Then again, I know most people are not like me in this. Pity really.Well, hellooooooo there...
Awww, aren't you a cute little evil blob? *tickles the blob's chin fold with a long, perfectly manicured finger* I bet you are a bad little candy-stealing piece of planar goo...
Hmmmm where to begin where to begin.... lawl...
THOU SHALT NOT
* Make gross tactical blunders and then when your character dies pound thy fists into the table and rage over how the encounter was unbalanced and broken (23 y/o player)
* Adjust stats between sessions when you aren't supposed to and then try to pass it off as if they always existed that way. That is why I have a copy of everyone's character sheets (various players)
* Pick up the dice a microsecond after rolling so that no one else can see what the dice landed on and then mysteriously roll 15+ each time.
* Have a player screen
* Play video games at the table
* Kick open the door and go lunging into a room by yourself, where you get ganked by the monsters inside, get up and get red faced and pace angrilly and complain that the DM is horrible because he killed you for roleplaying your dumbass barbarian. Roleplaying your character does not give you a free "you can't kill me when I do stupid things" card.
* Whip out the monster manual mid-fight to argue that the DM is cheating and that the monster doesn't really have that power or has too many hit points.
* Whip out the MODULE that the DM is running and argue that the DM is moving things around or changing the map up.
* Use player meta knowledge when failing a skill to keep on rolling the skill "because you know something is in there, you read the module"
* Tell the other players how to run their characters
* Deride other players for choosing "obvious sub-optimal builds" that "hurt the party"
* Throw a mantrum when your wishlist is not adhered to
* Touch other peoples' miniatures without asking
* Touch the DM's miniatures without asking
* Get angry and throw a mini fit when your character is imprisoned because you thought it was cool to urinate on the king's foot.
* In relation to the above, get mad whenever your character suffers any negative consequence for doing insanely inept and stupid things and getting punished for it.
* Add experience points that don't exist to your xp total and then level up faster than the party.
* Use loud and obnoxious voice when sitting two feet from someone. Learn to use an inside voice.
Weird is just because you let it be weird. We roleplay to pretend we're someone else and act out stories as that person. While we would not particularly enjoy fighting a red dragon as ourselves, we do enjoy it as another persona. It should not be a no go area with romance to anyone serious about playing their role, I think. Then again, I know most people are not like me in this. Pity really.
Weird more just for the fact that he was a very big, manly guy, and he couldn't act very well, so his imitations of a very small slight woman were both funny and weird at the same time :P
Disgustingly, this is all one player.
I have to ask, all in the same session? ;)
Not one Session, though, 5 did happen (Tantrum, Inane questions, Farmer's attic, House on fire, Useless at range) in a fairly recent session. This also led to him expecting me to change my barbarian the next day. So, 5 leading to 6 happened in a single session, all 10 have happened in the same campaign that's only been around a dozen and a half sessions. A few (Tantrum, Inane questions, Useless at range, Expecting player change, and Expecting party change) have happened many many times over the last several sessions.
More DM problems:
Thou shalt not use time travel as a plot gimmick more than twice in any single campaign.
Thou shalt not be stupid with regards to time travel. When you go back in time 2,000 years, the very last thing that someone in that time who hasn't met you before (Or rather yet) should say is: "Hey! I know you! You're 'Insert character's name'!"
Thou shalt not make a prophecy laying out very specific terms and then continually alter it to fit the party's actions.
Thou shalt not randomly improve a magic item because it's 'too weak' without knowing what you're actually adding. (A 30,000ish pair of boots got increased to 158,000ish this way.)
Thou shalt not ask for assistance with a rule and then disregard everything the person says.
Thou shalt not consult the bible with regards to the reproduction of Angels and Celestials.
Thou shalt not treat 'the ability to use Detect Evil' as 'always using Detect Evil.'
Similarly, thou shalt not use that as an excuse to tell the party something radiates 'Pure Good.'
Thou shalt not interpret all evil characters as 'having the goal of destroying the world.'
Thou shalt not interpret all Lawful Good characters as being Lawful Stupid and try to force players to play it that way.
Thou shalt not take control of a person's character to keep them from doing something their character would actually do.
Thou shalt not try to talk players out of doing something using illogical excuses. ("The enemies are running away from the giant, spiked, four-armed, blade-handed, gore-streaked monstrosity of death lumbering towards you, don't attack it, it's obviously your friend.")
Thou shalt not expect the party to be awed when thou dost tell them that the villain hast been lying all this time.
Thou shalt not reveal to the party, in game, personal information about an individual character. ("Hey! So you know, that elf who's travelling with you, he's an albino drow. You know, like those dark elves you've been slaughtering for days now, only white. Just saying.")
Thou shalt not build a campaign around players making illogical decisions
you've never played with my group, i see. the problem is making a campaign on the assumption that players will make LOGICAL decisions.
not strictly pathfinder but: if the DM warns you that openly carrying your PGMP through the spacestation is illegal, and you do it anyway, you forfet your rights to complain about getting arrested.
Sheesh!
The players shall not roll 17 six times in a row when we are playing d20.oh i dont know about that one, i had one PC roll 9 nat 20's in a row, instant killing 2 mariliths and a Balor.
That was my son two years back. Wife was playing a fighter and couldn't make it that night (Had to work) so we let him roll the dice (GM's idea... and GM's dice!) -- My son rolled and confirmed 12 critical hits out of 13 attack rolls that night 11 of which were natural 20's... and my wife's character was using a falcata.
Needless to say my son was not allowed to touch those dice again. He also picked up the nickname of Beelzebub for having the devils own luck (that and being a pest that could tear things up without even touching them -- hey I love my boy but it was true).
Thou shalt not consult the bible with regards to the reproduction of Angels and Celestials.
That made me laugh out loud for two reasons;
1) Presenting any book as Fact when playing a fiction game about imaginary creatures
2) The irony of tying to include the bible in a D&D game after all the hullabaloo in the 80's
Thou shalt not discuss "real world" religion at the gaming table.
Thou shalt not discuss politics at the table.
Thou WILL wait thy turn.
Thou cannot make comments or offer advice to other characters if thee is not in the same room or incapacitated in any way.
Thou cannot ask to roleplay your encounter with a hooker, nor ask me to describe her lady bits.
Thou cannot spout your misogynistic philosophies when there are women at the table. In fact, thee should keep thy mouth shut about such at all times. (see the entry above...both directed at one guy in my group).
Thou shall let others speak without interrupting them or telling them to shut up because you don't want to hear what they have to say.
After playing rpg's for almost one score and ten years thou should have thy crap together and know to have chosen your next spell before thy turn comes up.
Thou should know that after playing the d20 system for over 10 years that thee will roll the same die for every saving throw, not asking "which dice do I use for that?" again...and again.......and again..........
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Thou shalt not consult the bible with regards to the reproduction of Angels and Celestials.That made me laugh out loud for two reasons;
1) Presenting any book as Fact when playing a fiction game about imaginary creatures
2) The irony of tying to include the bible in a D&D game after all the hullabaloo in the 80's
Haha, #2 makes me want to start bringing a Bible to PFS games. Bonus points if I use it to tell someone why their paladin does or does not fall due to Action X!
But I love flirting at the table!
I also made a female character that was a celestial consort. Some called her a slut, she called them ignorant. She was a great character, CN Druid. My fellow players remember her fondly.
Thou shalt not play a character of the opposite gender as an overly flirtateous slut.
Seriously - have you ever seen a guy playing a female character who didn't do this? I've recently made my first female character, who I haven't played yet, and I'm trying to working very hard to come up with a personality for her that's decidedly feminine without being sexual.
Hi. Maybe I can help.
I was involved in this campaign here before it went defunct: It's Always Sunny In the Stolen Lands. Take a look and see what you think. I did a lot of things--heck, I spent one combat with a baby in my arm, of all things (I'm a witch, it happens).
Thou shalt not discuss "real world" religion at the gaming table.
Thou shalt not discuss politics at the table.
By the last one did you mean 'real world' politics? Or even in game politics?
Thou shall not use beliving in an in game diety is better because they can be discussed at the gaming table.
But I love flirting at the table!
I also made a female character that was a celestial consort. Some called her a slut, she called them ignorant. She was a great character, CN Druid. My fellow players remember her fondly.
I once played an Astral Deva named Paul (Unless you asked dwarves, dragons, or elves. He had a lot of names.) who was bi but acted like a flaming homosexual. This was where the bible interpretation of Celestial reproduction came from. The DM tried to render my character sterile because it would produce 'Nephilim' or something, instead of Half-Celestials. He'd have done the same to yours, I'm sure, and likely an argument or some such would occur.
On a different note, maybe Paul and your consort should get together sometime. ;)
By the last one did you mean 'real world' politics? Or even in game politics?
"Real world" politics. Thanks for asking; I didn't know I'd left the phrase out!
Thou shalt not constantly find reasons to brag about how your current or past character is better than the other PCs.
Thou shalt not complain when the other PCs don’t plan their actions around giving your character an optimal setup.
Thou’s roleplaying must consist of more than mocking, threatening and denigrating other PCs and NPCs.
Thou shalt not use game time to give physics, history, economics, ect lectures.
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+1 to the thou shalt not engage in irl flirting with/hitting on other players at the table. Be an adult. If you want to hook up, ask him/her out. If you’re more interested in flirting, do it somewhere else. At best it is awkward and a distraction. At worst it ends in fights and divorces. Don’t pull the game into your drama.
- Thou shall not turn the game into thine personal fantasy...at the detriment of the other players.
- "I'm playing in character" is a valid response so many times to explain thine a$%hattery.
- Thou cannot tell me "Yes, I can kill a god because splatbook #456b said so."
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