Overheard at the Paizo office


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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Sissyl wrote:
uhhhh... everyone missed the fact that it's a BACON golem?

There are many other ways to prepare delicious pork than bacon.


Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Ross Byers wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
uhhhh... everyone missed the fact that it's a BACON golem?
There are many other ways to prepare delicious pork than bacon.

TESTIFY!

Silver Crusade

Sara Marie wrote:

liz: Dire consequences are spiky and covered in bone armor.

liz: Natural armor spikes.

Also ze natural predator of Red Dragons.

Paizo Employee Sales Imp

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sara Marie: Well, I jsut learned a valuable lesson about [redacted].

Paizo Employee Paizo Customer Service Algorithm

9 people marked this as a favorite.

Jeff Strand: Aww yeaa, sneak attack with a light ballista!


Feros wrote:
Ross Byers wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
uhhhh... everyone missed the fact that it's a BACON golem?
There are many other ways to prepare delicious pork than bacon.
TESTIFY!

Now I want to trap a wizard's tower with a roasted pork tenderloin stuffed with pork sausage & bacon and then wrapped in bacon. Let the adventurer's eat it, then everyone makes a Fort save; failed saves=heart attacks, successful save=pork bliss coma for 10d6 minutes.


That would be the first time when declaring your halfling strictly vegetarian was profitable.

Webstore Gninja Minion

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Cosmo: ENGAGE PESTER DRIVES.


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber
Liz Courts wrote:
Cosmo: ENGAGE PESTER DRIVES.

...this is redundant, is it not, considering the source?

Webstore Gninja Minion

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Ashley: Is this going to blow up in my face or something?

Master of Coin

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Liz Courts wrote:
Ashley: Is this going to blow up in my face or something?

Yes.

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Feros wrote:
Ross Byers wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
uhhhh... everyone missed the fact that it's a BACON golem?
There are many other ways to prepare delicious pork than bacon.
TESTIFY!
Now I want to trap a wizard's tower with a roasted pork tenderloin stuffed with pork sausage & bacon and then wrapped in bacon. Let the adventurer's eat it, then everyone makes a Fort save; failed saves=heart attacks, successful save=pork bliss coma for 10d6 minutes.

Sort of like this.

Counter of Magic Beans

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Chris Self wrote:
Liz Courts wrote:
Ashley: Is this going to blow up in my face or something?
Yes.

The carpet actually. Accounting minions apparently have a -3 dex penalty on stamp filling checks.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

8 people marked this as a favorite.

Crystal: Hey! I did it! I fixed this thing and nothing blew up!

Robot: Redacted didn't stab you? Hurray! It's a Christmas miracle!


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Cosmo wrote:
*wiggle*

Why did I click the link?

Why did I click the link?

Why did I click the link?

Dark Archive Software Developer

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Me: I have also been infected by Robot's festiveness. I fear it may be fatal.
Robot Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING

Digital Products Assistant

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D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;


Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

Give in to the hate! You know you want it!


4 people marked this as a favorite.
Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

Robot Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING

Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

Robot Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING

Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

Robot Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING

Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

Robot Chris: I HATE EVERYTHING

Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

oh god the infinite loop ERROR ERROR ERROR Ḛ̠ͅR͓̰͔ͅR͕̘O̭̯̦̺̺̤͔ R̲̺̰͎̰ ̭̳͙E̘͚R̤̩̲R̩̼O͕̝R̻̼̜̫̻̘͉̭ ̭̮ E̳͖̹̹͙͉͈R̗̪̠̞̘R̝̪̦O͙͈̙͎R̙̭̤̲̣͔̤̣ͅ ̳̲̳̦̬E̞̤̱̘ͅ R̘̞͖R͙̳̭̦̣̙̲͚O͚͍͎̪̱ͅR̭̱͈̘̻̘̼̲

͖̱̠̫̪̮̲̫̺E͕͎̘̰̞ͅṚR̩ O̲̼̬̥͚̥R̘͕̼̼̤ ̩̝E͓̠̟R̤͖̪̮̺̺̲ͅR͚̫
O̺̘͖̜̜Ṛ͕̜͔͚͚ ̯̺E̞̖͙̘R͕̣̥̗R̹̰͇̳̦O͚̻̝͕̹͔ͅR̝̖̣͈ ̟͉͕̟E̳̣R͈̮̱̱̗̦R̺̖͈͍̱͖ͅO͔͙̬̭̥̯̼̦R̗̱̣
͙̮̲̹͍͉͔̗E̗̫̺̝͈̲͓̭Ṛ̬͖̘̬̰R͇̘̫̣̬̲̭-̲̭̦


zylphryx wrote:
SnowJade wrote:
zylphryx wrote:
Liz Courts wrote:
Lisa: What does the fox say?

ring-ding-ding-ding-dineringeding?

wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow?

hatee-hatee-hatee-ho?

joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff?

chacha-chacha-chacha-chow?

fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow?

a-hee-ahee ha-hee?

a-oo-oo-oo-ooo?

a-bayda-bump-bump-bayda?

But in the end I think it all just translates to "Norwegians are a strange people" ... land of my ancestors, land of WTF?

Oookay. Makes me glad my mtDNA places me as being from Denmark.

I've got the region triangulated through blood; Norway and Denmark on my dad's side, Latvia on my mom's.

And for those who do not know the source of the listed "sounds", prepare yourselves ... do not say you were not warned. :)

I watched it all hoping it would make sense at some point, but now I'm even more confused. Is this one of those things I don't get because I'm old?

*head scratch*


zylphryx wrote:
Liz Courts wrote:
Bad pun tax, sir! *goes to adjust zylphryx's account*

Noooooo!!!

I mean ...

So in late 1960's London, a young Irishman named Sean O'Donnell took a job in a bank. His boss was an annoying man who took to calling him Paddy due to his Irish heritage. To make matters worse, whenever Sean would make a mistake, his employer would slap him in the back of the head. But Sean would not be baited and over a few years he worked his way up from teller to the loan department.

On his first day as a loan officer, a frog walked into the bank, introduced himself as Gribbit Richards and asked for a loan.

A bit puzzled, never having seen a walking, talking frog before, and worried someone may have spiked his tea with some sort off hallucinogen, Sean paused and then asked if the frog had any collateral.

The frog nodded and pulled a shiny bauble from his pocket. Sean was even more perplexed.

With a bit of hesitation, Sean went to ask his boss what to do.

Upon hearing the situation, his boss replied:

** spoiler omitted **

<prepares to be taxed heavily and to see JMD031 roll a 1>

*facepalm*


Drejk wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

liz: Hrm. I wonder if pork golems would deal fire damage to those grappling or damaging them in melee...because their crispy fatty flesh bursts and splatters hot fat on them.

cosmo: I dunno... but I would expect them to grant any opponent with a mouth a bite attack.
cosmo: because PORK IS DELICIOUS

liz: Compelling Aura (Su): The pork golem drives creatures to distraction with its luscious, dripping, fatty flesh, crisped to a perfect golden brown. Creatures within 30 feet must make a DC 25 Will save—failure indicates that the creature must make a bite attack (even if they normally do not have this attack) against the pork golem.

cosmo: Successful attacks deal 1d4 damage to the biter from the hot, fatty juices.

cosmo: Successful attacks leave the attackers staggered for 1 round as they slowly chew and savor the delicious, delicious pork...

Cerilian Dwarves should get at least additional +4 morale bonus to saving throw against this aura because of their taboo against pork, if not outright immunity.

not kosher?


Bitter Thorn wrote:
zylphryx wrote:
SnowJade wrote:
zylphryx wrote:
Liz Courts wrote:
Lisa: What does the fox say?

ring-ding-ding-ding-dineringeding?

wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow?

hatee-hatee-hatee-ho?

joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff?

chacha-chacha-chacha-chow?

fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow?

a-hee-ahee ha-hee?

a-oo-oo-oo-ooo?

a-bayda-bump-bump-bayda?

But in the end I think it all just translates to "Norwegians are a strange people" ... land of my ancestors, land of WTF?

Oookay. Makes me glad my mtDNA places me as being from Denmark.

I've got the region triangulated through blood; Norway and Denmark on my dad's side, Latvia on my mom's.

And for those who do not know the source of the listed "sounds", prepare yourselves ... do not say you were not warned. :)

I watched it all hoping it would make sense at some point, but now I'm even more confused. Is this one of those things I don't get because I'm old?

*head scratch*

It's by Norwegians, what do you expect?

Actually, it's from a Norwegian comedy show - if I remember correctly, they managed to get a fairly successful producer to work with them for a song, and they decided to attempt to write a song that could never become a hit for the collaboration.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

You recently dipped a level of Oracle of Grumpy Cat?


Kajehase wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:
zylphryx wrote:
SnowJade wrote:
zylphryx wrote:
Liz Courts wrote:
Lisa: What does the fox say?

ring-ding-ding-ding-dineringeding?

wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow?

hatee-hatee-hatee-ho?

joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff?

chacha-chacha-chacha-chow?

fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow?

a-hee-ahee ha-hee?

a-oo-oo-oo-ooo?

a-bayda-bump-bump-bayda?

But in the end I think it all just translates to "Norwegians are a strange people" ... land of my ancestors, land of WTF?

Oookay. Makes me glad my mtDNA places me as being from Denmark.

I've got the region triangulated through blood; Norway and Denmark on my dad's side, Latvia on my mom's.

And for those who do not know the source of the listed "sounds", prepare yourselves ... do not say you were not warned. :)

I watched it all hoping it would make sense at some point, but now I'm even more confused. Is this one of those things I don't get because I'm old?

*head scratch*

It's by Norwegians, what do you expect?

Actually, it's from a Norwegian comedy show - if I remember correctly, they managed to get a fairly successful producer to work with them for a song, and they decided to attempt to write a song that could never become a hit for the collaboration.

OK

So it's meant to be nonsense, and I'm not missing anything, right?

OK


Bitter Thorn wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

liz: Hrm. I wonder if pork golems would deal fire damage to those grappling or damaging them in melee...because their crispy fatty flesh bursts and splatters hot fat on them.

cosmo: I dunno... but I would expect them to grant any opponent with a mouth a bite attack.
cosmo: because PORK IS DELICIOUS

liz: Compelling Aura (Su): The pork golem drives creatures to distraction with its luscious, dripping, fatty flesh, crisped to a perfect golden brown. Creatures within 30 feet must make a DC 25 Will save—failure indicates that the creature must make a bite attack (even if they normally do not have this attack) against the pork golem.

cosmo: Successful attacks deal 1d4 damage to the biter from the hot, fatty juices.

cosmo: Successful attacks leave the attackers staggered for 1 round as they slowly chew and savor the delicious, delicious pork...

Cerilian Dwarves should get at least additional +4 morale bonus to saving throw against this aura because of their taboo against pork, if not outright immunity.
not kosher?

Spoiler:
Something like that. Cerilian Dwarves had taboo against eating pork because it's snout closely resembles Orog (i.e. Cerilian orc) snout - dwarven mortal enemies. I loved that dwarven realm book contained section about dwarf diet.

Drejk wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

liz: Hrm. I wonder if pork golems would deal fire damage to those grappling or damaging them in melee...because their crispy fatty flesh bursts and splatters hot fat on them.

cosmo: I dunno... but I would expect them to grant any opponent with a mouth a bite attack.
cosmo: because PORK IS DELICIOUS

liz: Compelling Aura (Su): The pork golem drives creatures to distraction with its luscious, dripping, fatty flesh, crisped to a perfect golden brown. Creatures within 30 feet must make a DC 25 Will save—failure indicates that the creature must make a bite attack (even if they normally do not have this attack) against the pork golem.

cosmo: Successful attacks deal 1d4 damage to the biter from the hot, fatty juices.

cosmo: Successful attacks leave the attackers staggered for 1 round as they slowly chew and savor the delicious, delicious pork...

Cerilian Dwarves should get at least additional +4 morale bonus to saving throw against this aura because of their taboo against pork, if not outright immunity.
not kosher?
** spoiler omitted **

Cool

Sovereign Court

Bitter Thorn wrote:
Kajehase wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:


I watched it all hoping it would make sense at some point, but now I'm even more confused. Is this one of those things I don't get because I'm old?

*head scratch*

It's by Norwegians, what do you expect?

Actually, it's from a Norwegian comedy show - if I remember correctly, they managed to get a fairly successful producer to work with them for a song, and they decided to attempt to write a song that could never become a hit for the collaboration.

OK

So it's meant to be nonsense, and I'm not missing anything, right?

OK

Yep ... their other stuff is pretty freaking funny, though probably NSFW by most definitions.

Scarab Sages

Chris Lambertz wrote:
D'aw. I realize this makes it look like I hate Christmas. I don't. I really don't ;_;

Just gonna leave this here.


zylphryx wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:
Kajehase wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:


I watched it all hoping it would make sense at some point, but now I'm even more confused. Is this one of those things I don't get because I'm old?

*head scratch*

It's by Norwegians, what do you expect?

Actually, it's from a Norwegian comedy show - if I remember correctly, they managed to get a fairly successful producer to work with them for a song, and they decided to attempt to write a song that could never become a hit for the collaboration.

OK

So it's meant to be nonsense, and I'm not missing anything, right?

OK

Yep ... their other stuff is pretty freaking funny, though probably NSFW by most definitions.

Indeed. It's a little sad that it's 'the fox' that got all the attention when (Warning! Slightly NSFW) 'Stonehenge' is better in pretty much every way.

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

15 people marked this as a favorite.

Erik Keith: trapped in a blizzard or trapped in its gizzard, unless you can teleport and therefore a wizard.
Liz Courts: But witches can be b*+@+es, and counter your fleeing for the ditches.
Erik Keith: A well timed smite can counter her blight, and keep your feet moving in your expedious flight.
Liz Courts: Such a knight to run from the Witch Queen's might—proving the power of winter's bite!
Erik Keith: Solo the witch queen is an epic feat on Golarion, who do you mistake me for, AM BARBARIAN?
Liz Courts: Better a librarian, else you'll end up as carrion, feeding the fields to make them green.
Liz Courts: For knowledge is power, better than any angry glower
From someone all muscles and in need of a shower
Erik Keith: Carrion indeed, for this rap I will cede. I want to continue with no intend to mislead. The emails are piling and baba yaga I fear, your powers are endless and your chicken hut with no peer. I'd love to continue but the emails--POOG HATE RHYMING AND NEED FIX EMAILS!

Dark Archive Software Developer

9 people marked this as a favorite.

Aroden died after losing a rap battle to Asmodeus. And now you know the greatest secret of all.

Paizo Employee Developer

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Patrick: Can you front me a banana?


5 people marked this as a favorite.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF PAIZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOHHHHH

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

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liz: Can someone see why importer is not importing?

gary: lissa gonna poke it

christopher: With bullets?

gary: that, or sweet, cleansing fire

ashley: I'm pretty sure you cross the poking line when you start making holes in things with bullets

cosmo: “The poking line” in this case means “Skin”.

christopher: Nah, that's just poking with sufficient fervor that you're certain to garner the other party's attention.

robot chris: poking = kicking it like a jukebox until it works

christopher: Now I have the image of Lissa cosplaying The Fonze. Thanks, Robot


Kudaku wrote:
zylphryx wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:
Kajehase wrote:
Bitter Thorn wrote:


I watched it all hoping it would make sense at some point, but now I'm even more confused. Is this one of those things I don't get because I'm old?

*head scratch*

It's by Norwegians, what do you expect?

Actually, it's from a Norwegian comedy show - if I remember correctly, they managed to get a fairly successful producer to work with them for a song, and they decided to attempt to write a song that could never become a hit for the collaboration.

OK

So it's meant to be nonsense, and I'm not missing anything, right?

OK

Yep ... their other stuff is pretty freaking funny, though probably NSFW by most definitions.
Indeed. It's a little sad that it's 'the fox' that got all the attention when (Warning! Slightly NSFW) 'Stonehenge' is better in pretty much every way.

This was much less confusing to my simple mind.

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

4 people marked this as a favorite.

Mysterious Voice from Warehouse (Heard Through the Walls): DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

2 people marked this as a favorite.

ashley: do not let goblins make the coffee. they will use pickle juice.

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

cosmo: (I was funny, dammit!)

Paizo Employee Sales Imp

Sara Marie wrote:
cosmo: (I was funny, dammit!)

I was.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Cosmo wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:
cosmo: (I was funny, dammit!)
I was.

Bull[EXPLETIVE]


Sara Marie wrote:
Mysterious Voice from Warehouse (Heard Through the Walls): DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?
Sara Marie wrote:
ashley: do not let goblins make the coffee. they will use pickle juice.

Great, now I'm hungry for chicken and pickle juice.

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

2 people marked this as a favorite.

robot chris: proud of my fancy email

christopher: Does it use Papyrus?

robot chris: nope, its [redacted] which we have never ever done before!

liz: It's so ... so shiny!

liz: Is this glitter?

Lantern Lodge Customer Service Dire Care Bear Manager

5 people marked this as a favorite.

christopher: You're right, it IS fun!

cosmo: SCHADENFREUDILICIOUS!

Silver Crusade

Sara Marie wrote:

christopher: You're right, it IS fun!

cosmo: SCHADENFREUDILICIOUS!

Or Schadenlecker :3


Mythic Rysky wrote:
Cosmo wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:
cosmo: (I was funny, dammit!)
I was.
Bull[EXPLETIVE DELETED]

Fixed this for you. ;-)

Silver Crusade

Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Mythic Rysky wrote:
Cosmo wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:
cosmo: (I was funny, dammit!)
I was.
Bull[EXPLETIVE DELETED]
Fixed this for you. ;-)

[EXPLETIVE DELETED] you.

...

:3


Don't make me take back that mythic power.


Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Don't make me take back that mythic power.

You can try.


Mythic Rysky wrote:
Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Don't make me take back that mythic power.
You can try.

Listen all! This is the natural 20 of it. Fighting leads to thread-locking, and thread-locking gets to edition-warring. And that was damn near the death of us all. Look at us now! Busted up, and everyone talking about hard RAW! But we've learned, by the dust of them all... Paizotown learned. Now, when men get to fighting, it happens here! And it finishes here! Two men enter; one man leaves. {cue Tina Turner singing "Punderdome"}

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