Overheard at the Paizo office


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Chris Self wrote:
Cosmo wrote:
Justin Franklin wrote:
So is it safe to assume Cosmo is the Rodney Dangerfield of Paizo?
I prefer to think of myself more like "The Teflon Don", actually...
Cosmo, the Tiefling Dong.

I read "The Tiefling Dong". Time for bed, I think. As a side note, Gary is my hero.


Chris Lambertz wrote:
At the risk of being quoted. Yes, this week, I locked my keys in my car. While it was running. :|

I've done that before myself. The wife was not happy...


Readerbreeder wrote:
Chris Lambertz wrote:
At the risk of being quoted. Yes, this week, I locked my keys in my car. While it was running. :|
I've done that before myself. The wife was not happy...

In high school twenty minutes from my parents house at 3 am with the car in the middle of the street. Good thing this was before cell phones when house phones actually woke people in their sleep. Mom brought the spare set of keys.

Silver Crusade

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:
Readerbreeder wrote:
Chris Lambertz wrote:
At the risk of being quoted. Yes, this week, I locked my keys in my car. While it was running. :|
I've done that before myself. The wife was not happy...
In high school twenty minutes from my parents house at 3 am with the car in the middle of the street. Good thing this was before cell phones when house phones actually woke people in their sleep. Mom brought the spare set of keys.

I knew a guy who was always leaving his keys in his car unlocked. It was a POS car, so no one ever stole it, but his friends liked to hide it and watch his reaction when it wasn't where he left it.


Celestial Healer wrote:
Emperor7 wrote:
Chris Self wrote:
GeraintElberion wrote:
I just noticed Chris Self's new tag! Master of Coin is very cool.
Thanks! I'm pretty proud of it. =)
On Talk Like a Pirate Day it should have read 'Master of Booty' :)
I don't think that means what you think it means.

Ewww?

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

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Cosmo to Sara Marie: Well I'll be damned! It worked!... See.. this is why I ask you... You know things!

Paizo Employee Sales Associate

7 people marked this as a favorite.

Sara Marie: Did we ever do [X]?

Me to Sara Marie: ...I dunno. Did "we" do [X]? No? Well, "we" should do that. Also... your name is now "we".

...hehe, I'm awesome.


Cosmo wrote:

Sara Marie: Did we ever do [X]?

Me to Sara Marie: ...I dunno. Did "we" do [X]? No? Well, "we" should do that. Also... your name is now "we".

...hehe, I'm awesome.

O.O

Liberty's Edge

Urinsane wrote:
Cosmo wrote:

Sara Marie: Did we ever do [X]?

Me to Sara Marie: ...I dunno. Did "we" do [X]? No? Well, "we" should do that. Also... your name is now "we".

...hehe, I'm awesome.

O.O

STOP. RIGHT NOW. Before you put all kinds of ideas...

dammit.

URISAAAAAAAAAANE

Paizo Employee Sales Associate

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Cosmo wrote:

Sara Marie: Did we ever do [X]?

Me to Sara Marie: ...I dunno. Did "we" do [X]? No? Well, "we" should do that. Also... your name is now "we".

...hehe, I'm awesome.

*sigh*

To clarify:

Where [X] = a Standard Customer Service job that generally falls under Sara Marie's purview.


Cosmo wrote:
Cosmo wrote:

Sara Marie: Did we ever do [X]?

Me to Sara Marie: ...I dunno. Did "we" do [X]? No? Well, "we" should do that. Also... your name is now "we".

...hehe, I'm awesome.

*sigh*

To clarify:

Where [X] = a Standard Customer Service job that generally falls under Sara Marie's purview.

Made you blink!

And you only have one eye! Woohoo!

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

20 people marked this as a favorite.

Woman on phone: I have a credit card charge here from you guys and I don't even know who you are!

Sara Marie: We're a gaming company. Let me look up the charge and see what its for...

Sara Marie: clickity click... typity type; type type type

Sara Marie: It looks like its a digital copy of our Core Rulebook.

Woman on phone: I know *exactly* which kid this is....

Woman on phone: I will...*ominous mom voice* ...get this taken care of.

Woman on phone: cheerful voice Thanks for your help!

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Sara Marie wrote:

Woman on phone: I have a credit card charge here from you guys and I don't even know who you are!

Sara Marie: We're a gaming company. Let me look up the charge and see what its for...

Sara Marie: clickity click... typity type; type type type

Sara Marie: It looks like its a digital copy of our Core Rulebook.

Woman on phone: I know *exactly* which kid this is....

Woman on phone: I will...*ominous mom voice* ...get this taken care of.

Woman on phone: cheerful voice Thanks for your help!

Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).

Paizo Employee Franchise Manager

7 people marked this as a favorite.
Jiggy wrote:
Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).

What? It's only a $10 charge. I always retorted to punishments of this sort with "at least it's not crack."

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).
What? It's only a $10 charge. I always retorted to punishments of this sort with "at least it's not crack."

Sounds like you and I had VERY different childhoods. :P

Paizo Employee Franchise Manager

4 people marked this as a favorite.
Jiggy wrote:
Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).
What? It's only a $10 charge. I always retorted to punishments of this sort with "at least it's not crack."
Sounds like you and I had VERY different childhoods. :P

Are you saying yours was full of crack? If so, what comparison did you provide to lessen your parents' rage?

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).
What? It's only a $10 charge. I always retorted to punishments of this sort with "at least it's not crack."
Sounds like you and I had VERY different childhoods. :P
Are you saying yours was full of crack? If so, what comparison did you provide to lessen your parents' rage?

Okay, that was pretty good. I'm glad it's the end of the day here at work, because my laughter was actually audible.

No, my rage-assuaging comparisons were more like "at least I got all the dishes done". I'll leave the actual *cough* "offenses" up to your imagination.

Sovereign Court

Jiggy wrote:
Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).
What? It's only a $10 charge. I always retorted to punishments of this sort with "at least it's not crack."
Sounds like you and I had VERY different childhoods. :P
Are you saying yours was full of crack? If so, what comparison did you provide to lessen your parents' rage?

Okay, that was pretty good. I'm glad it's the end of the day here at work, because my laughter was actually audible.

No, my rage-assuaging comparisons were more like "at least I got all the dishes done". I'll leave the actual *cough* "offenses" up to your imagination.

That means it was porn.

Vast quantities of porn.


Mark Moreland wrote:
Jiggy wrote:
Oh man, that kid is in it DEEP. Sucks to be him (or her).
What? It's only a $10 charge. I always retorted to punishments of this sort with "at least it's not crack."

You mean you do not give the credit card to the kid because the mom is crazy and will end up spending all the money. I would be in deep trouble if that happened.

I know I had a wierd childhood.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber
GeraintElberion wrote:


That means it was porn.

Vast quantities of porn.

People still pay for that in this day and age?

Dark Archive

TriOmegaZero wrote:
GeraintElberion wrote:


That means it was porn.

Vast quantities of porn.

People still pay for that in this day and age?

That was back before the internet.

Jiggy was paying people to paint it on the cave walls.

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

David Wickham wrote:
TriOmegaZero wrote:
GeraintElberion wrote:


That means it was porn.

Vast quantities of porn.

People still pay for that in this day and age?

That was back before the internet.

Jiggy was paying people to paint it on the cave walls.

I'm only 27, TYVM.

Dark Archive

Jiggy wrote:
David Wickham wrote:
TriOmegaZero wrote:
GeraintElberion wrote:


That means it was porn.

Vast quantities of porn.

People still pay for that in this day and age?

That was back before the internet.

Jiggy was paying people to paint it on the cave walls.

I'm only 27, TYVM.

The internet only started gaining popularity about 20 years ago, an there are still caves today.

It could have happened :P

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

8 people marked this as a favorite.

Sara Marie: gary/ross/lissa if you need to shut the door so as not to have to listen to cosmo training please feel free.

Gary: is that what cosmo's doing?

Gary: hard to tell the difference between cosmo working and cosmo enjoying the sound of his own voice...

Shadow Lodge

Cosmo wrote:

Sara Marie: my desire to help

Sara Marie: and my desire to stay sane

Sara Marie: are battling

** spoiler omitted **

Isn't (creative) insanity basically a requirement to get hired at Paizo?

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

4 people marked this as a favorite.

Cosmo: I have a lousy memory and poor judgement as to what I should write down.

Gary: At minimum, your name should be somewhere on your underwear

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

4 people marked this as a favorite.

Red Chris: there isn't an emoticon for the face I'm making now

Red Chris: :'( :-B :-X <- it's like all of these combined


Sara Marie wrote:

Sara Marie: gary/ross/lissa if you need to shut the door so as not to have to listen to cosmo training please feel free.

Gary: is that what cosmo's doing?

Gary: hard to tell the difference between cosmo working and cosmo enjoying the sound of his own voice...

O.O

Paizo Employee Sales Associate

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Sara Marie wrote:

Cosmo: I have a lousy memory and poor judgement as to what I should write down.

I have no recollection of saying this.

...it is, however, completely true.

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

3 people marked this as a favorite.

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

Liberty's Edge

Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

Wouldn't it be much more effective if it were loaded it for trolls? Or annoying web bugs?


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber
Cosmo wrote:
Cosmo wrote:

Sara Marie: Did we ever do [X]?

Me to Sara Marie: ...I dunno. Did "we" do [X]? No? Well, "we" should do that. Also... your name is now "we".

...hehe, I'm awesome.

*sigh*

To clarify:

Where [X] = a Standard Customer Service job that generally falls under Sara Marie's purview.

Well, that isn't nearly as much fun.


Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

I totally read that as loaded for beer!!


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Caineach wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

I totally read that as loaded for beer!!

Quick! We need the stats on a Dwarven Beer Cannon!

I so want one!

Sovereign Court

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Caineach wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

I totally read that as loaded for beer!!

I read it as a "shark cannon" ... had this mental image of some strange contraption with a top slot to accommodate the dorsal fin ... and wondered if sharks and bears were naturally antagonistic to one another.

Sovereign Court

zylphryx wrote:
Caineach wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

I totally read that as loaded for beer!!
I read it as a "shark cannon" ... had this mental image of some strange contraption with a top slot to accommodate the dorsal fin ... and wondered if sharks and bears were naturally antagonistic to one another.

SOme people think they are...

Dark Archive

1 person marked this as a favorite.
zylphryx wrote:
Caineach wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

I totally read that as loaded for beer!!
I read it as a "shark cannon" ... had this mental image of some strange contraption with a top slot to accommodate the dorsal fin ... and wondered if sharks and bears were naturally antagonistic to one another.

I'm sure SyFy has some $100 budget movie on this in the can somewhere...

Shark-Cannon vs. Mega-Bear starring Debbie Gibson...

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

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Erik K: Uh, I think I just clicked on the "undo-everything-you-just-did" button...

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

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Blue Chris: So...our banking rep had one of her assistants call me to schedule a phone meeting.

Blue Chris: She then emailed me about details about that meeting. And called me yesterday to clarify the details.

Blue Chris:...why the heck does a call need to be scheduled when I have easy access to her?

Gary: what no followup email?

Red Chris:did she supply an agenda too?

Gary: i'm afraid this agenda is lacking a cover sheet

Crystal: What about a biography? Was there a bibliography?

Red Chris: table of contents? cliff notes?

Sara Marie: annotations?

Gary: i'm going to need an index

Crystal: Points off if she didn't sign it

Gary: and a glossary

Red Chris: and an appendix

Gary: and can we get the powerpoint in advance so we're all on the same page?

Gary: i require my agenda in bullet point form with a preceding summary and a postscript describing the points to be covered

Blue Chris: I might just copy this down and email it to her.

Dark Archive

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Sara Marie wrote:

Blue Chris: So...our banking rep had one of her assistants call me to schedule a phone meeting...

...lots funny stuff...

What's this I hear about Blue Chris having problems with his TPS reports?


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Sara Marie wrote:

Blue Chris: So...our banking rep had one of her assistants call me to schedule a phone meeting.

Blue Chris: She then emailed me about details about that meeting. And called me yesterday to clarify the details.

Blue Chris:...why the heck does a call need to be scheduled when I have easy access to her?

*HILARITY SNIPPED*

We have a few new guys in our office who are used to a much more strict and rigid style of task management than what our job normally entails, and one of them is having a tough time adjusting to a more free-form environment. I'm seriously thinking of sending a copy of this post to him with a note that says, "THIS IS HOW WE TALK ABOUT YOU."

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

8 people marked this as a favorite.

Will: *looking at Cosmo's empty desk* No Cosmo today?

Sara Marie: Nope, he's out of the office.

Will: Bummer.

Sara Marie: Yeah, but there's always an upshot...

Sara Marie:... no Cosmo today :D

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

4 people marked this as a favorite.

Liz: * Liz still wants to do a Hogwarts-esque apprentice-level "learn to be a wizard" type of game.*

Crystal: Dibs on Ron!

Liz: I think it would be fun to play some kids learning how to magic.

Crystal: Actually, I take it back. Can I play Luna?

Red Chris: Vernon Dursley :|

Red Chris: excuse me :{|

Sara Marie: hmmm which are the ones that make the joke
shop?... i wanna be fred and ted weasley

Red Chris: Fred and George

Liz: Sounds like this idea is gaining traction... :-k

Red Chris: I want to be Umbridge

Liz: No no. I get to play Umbridge *evil finger tapping*


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Crystal: Actually, I take it back. Can I play Luna?

After seven books and eight movies, Luna Lovegood remains one of my absolute favorite characters in modern literature.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Sara Marie wrote:

Will: *looking at Cosmo's empty desk* No Cosmo today?

Sara Marie: Nope, he's out of the office.

Will: Bummer.

Sara Marie: Yeah, but there's always an upshot...

Sara Marie:... no Cosmo today :D

Awwws, poor Cosmo, thas really mean.

Say what you will bout whatever the hells he might do around the office, but he was really helpful when I called a few weeks ago about Vol 2 of Jade Regent not showing up when I expected it.

**hands Cosmo a plate of yummy cookies** Thanks Cosmo!


TriOmegaZero wrote:
GeraintElberion wrote:


That means it was porn.

Vast quantities of porn.

People still pay for that in this day and age?

Just the good ones my dove.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber
zylphryx wrote:
Caineach wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:

Gary: I've got my snark cannon loaded for bear!!

...

Gary: kidding!

I totally read that as loaded for beer!!
I read it as a "shark cannon" ... had this mental image of some strange contraption with a top slot to accommodate the dorsal fin ... and wondered if sharks and bears were naturally antagonistic to one another.

Shark cannons?

Paizo Employee Senior Software Developer

4 people marked this as a favorite.

(There are a lot of campaigns being played by Paizo staff. This particular one is being run by Blue Chris, and the players all work for Paizo in various capacities. They play online via d20Pro and Skype or mumble or some such, and I can only ever hear what Sara says as I walk past. So I declare it counts as overheard at the office.)

Sara, in character: So, do you have any plot points for us?

Paizo Employee Customer Service & Community Manager

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Gary Teter wrote:

(There are a lot of campaigns being played by Paizo staff. This particular one is being run by Blue Chris, and the players all work for Paizo in various capacities. They play online via d20Pro and Skype or mumble or some such, and I can only ever hear what Sara says as I walk past. So I declare it counts as overheard at the office.)

Sara, in character: So, do you have any plot points for us?

To put this in context:

Druid: Blah blah blah blah Look I have a gorilla! Blah blah blah I want to tell you about the terrible things happening to the city but I don't trust you yet...

Tiyan: Yeah... we're on a tight schedule here.. So.... do you have any plot points for us?

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