Overheard at the Paizo office


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Liberty's Edge

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Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

They didn't use the eagles because doing so would have defeated the purpose of a stealthy mission—the eagles are conspicuous and would have been immediately targeted by the Nazgul or the crebain swarms, not to mention archers on the enormous walls. Realizing the danger, Sauron would have put all his guards on the volcano, making it impossible to get the ring in without landing. Additionally, the eagles were their own sentient race, and they were never keen on going into danger. And I do wonder how flight would have worked as the ring got heavier and heavier.

*Literally cannot help but do this*

Thank you.

*Saved ME from being compelled to do so*

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

CBDunkerson wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

They didn't use the eagles because doing so would have defeated the purpose of a stealthy mission—the eagles are conspicuous and would have been immediately targeted by the Nazgul or the crebain swarms, not to mention archers on the enormous walls. Realizing the danger, Sauron would have put all his guards on the volcano, making it impossible to get the ring in without landing. Additionally, the eagles were their own sentient race, and they were never keen on going into danger. And I do wonder how flight would have worked as the ring got heavier and heavier.

*Literally cannot help but do this*

Thank you.

*Saved ME from being compelled to do so*

That's why you have Aragorn and company do what they ended up doing at the end anyway: assault the front gate to hold Sauron's attention. We know it worked, so why wouldn't it have still worked if they'd done it earlier while Frodo was air-dropping the ring into the Volcano?


Jiggy wrote:
CBDunkerson wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

They didn't use the eagles because doing so would have defeated the purpose of a stealthy mission—the eagles are conspicuous and would have been immediately targeted by the Nazgul or the crebain swarms, not to mention archers on the enormous walls. Realizing the danger, Sauron would have put all his guards on the volcano, making it impossible to get the ring in without landing. Additionally, the eagles were their own sentient race, and they were never keen on going into danger. And I do wonder how flight would have worked as the ring got heavier and heavier.

*Literally cannot help but do this*

Thank you.

*Saved ME from being compelled to do so*

That's why you have Aragorn and company do what they ended up doing at the end anyway: assault the front gate to hold Sauron's attention. We know it worked, so why wouldn't it have still worked if they'd done it earlier while Frodo was air-dropping the ring into the Volcano?

Because Frodo would have gotten there before the others were anywhere close to Mordor's Gates, so no last second, life saving distraction, and maybe no Golum.

Community & Digital Content Director

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Kobold Cleaver wrote:

They didn't use the eagles because doing so would have defeated the purpose of a stealthy mission—the eagles are conspicuous and would have been immediately targeted by the Nazgul or the crebain swarms, not to mention archers on the enormous walls. Realizing the danger, Sauron would have put all his guards on the volcano, making it impossible to get the ring in without landing. Additionally, the eagles were their own sentient race, and they were never keen on going into danger. And I do wonder how flight would have worked as the ring got heavier and heavier.

*Literally cannot help but do this*

I was being 100% facetious. I also just finished Star Trek: Insurrection last night (just... wat) so my grip on humor is a little :\ and I kinda want to toss the entire cast of characters into a very dark pit... maybe with fire... and endless falling... possibly in an abandoned mine...

Spoiler:
THEY TOOK HIS BEARD OFF WAT WHY UGH GO AWAY

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

*hugs the Roobit*

Dark Archive

I read that as "abdomen mine"....


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Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Briefly back to LotR... I seem to recall this NSFW and exceptionally graphic-languaged thingy where Boromir ultimately suggests launching Frodo into Mordor... via catapult.


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Jiggy wrote:
CBDunkerson wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

They didn't use the eagles because doing so would have defeated the purpose of a stealthy mission—the eagles are conspicuous and would have been immediately targeted by the Nazgul or the crebain swarms, not to mention archers on the enormous walls. Realizing the danger, Sauron would have put all his guards on the volcano, making it impossible to get the ring in without landing. Additionally, the eagles were their own sentient race, and they were never keen on going into danger. And I do wonder how flight would have worked as the ring got heavier and heavier.

*Literally cannot help but do this*

Thank you.

*Saved ME from being compelled to do so*

That's why you have Aragorn and company do what they ended up doing at the end anyway: assault the front gate to hold Sauron's attention. We know it worked, so why wouldn't it have still worked if they'd done it earlier while Frodo was air-dropping the ring into the Volcano?

*tries to resist for not even two seconds*

Because—and this is important—Sauron didn't know his enemies wanted to destroy the ring. He was consumed by selfish desire for power, and he assumed everyone else was, too (kind of sad, really). He was sure someone like Aragorn or Gandalf would take the ring and wield it against him. That's why the diversion worked. He didn't know the ring was in peril, but they needed him to go all-out away from the volcano, so the alliance of free peoples moved all their troops up to Mordor. They presented themselves as bait to give the sneaky hobbitses a chance.

But if Sauron had actually realized they were taking the ring to Mordor, it wouldn't have mattered if elves, dwarves, and the combined forces of Gondor, Rohan, Southerlings, Redwall and Narnia were gathered at his gates, every single f!*#ing minion would've been brought straight to Mount Doom to turtle the hell up. Because if The Ring goes into the fire, it's endgame. If Sauron sees one of Manwë's birds making a beeline for Doom, that is all that matters.

Speed and firepower wouldn't have been enough—the enemy had superior speed with the Nazgul and Crebain and superior firepower with his armies. The Fellowship was designed as a stealth team, specifically to keep Sauron unsure of what his enemy's real plan was. That's also why Aragorn contacted Sauron with the magic scrying ball thingy: To make Sauron think the ring was coming into possession of someone far, far from its true destination.

Chris Lambertz wrote:
I was being 100% facetious. I also just finished Star Trek: Insurrection last night (just... wat) so my grip on humor is a little :\ and I kinda want to toss the entire cast of characters into a very dark pit... maybe with fire... and endless falling... possibly in an abandoned mine...

Yeah, and to be clear, it's still a narrative flaw that they never really touch on the eagles while using them as deus ex machina so much. I just can't help but unleash this whenever anyone makes that joke.

My sister (a much bigger Tolkien nerd than I am) and I have a running gag related to this: "Why didn't they just send a balrog?"


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Wei Ji the Learner wrote:


Briefly back to LotR... I seem to recall this NSFW and exceptionally graphic-languaged thingy where Boromir ultimately suggests launching Frodo into Mordor... via catapult.

No, see, this wouldn't have worked, because the Nazgul would have caught him and guys help I can't stop


Okay, look, the tl;dr of it is that a rapid flight to Mount Doom was just too risky to be worth it. Sending the friendly Maia, some high-level martials and some rogues was a safer, steadier bet, though as Gandalf said: There never was much hope.

Okay, I'm done derailing now. Honest.


Wei Ji the Learner wrote:


Briefly back to LotR... I seem to recall this NSFW and exceptionally graphic-languaged thingy where Boromir ultimately suggests launching Frodo into Mordor... via catapult.

Wasn't that a chapter Tolkien cut? Spitballing In Rivendell? There was also a suggestion from someone (Glorfindel?) that they coat the ring in butter and let the halflings have at it after which, Gandalf was to have yelled "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"


Pathfinder Adventure Subscriber

Wait, when did this turn into the "Flog a Dead Horse" thread?


It didn't. Dead Horse isn't here, is he?


Chris Lambertz wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
***

I was being 100% facetious. I also just finished Star Trek: Insurrection last night (just... wat) so my grip on humor is a little :\ and I kinda want to toss the entire cast of characters into a very dark pit... maybe with fire... and endless falling... possibly in an abandoned mine...

** spoiler omitted **

Those are on the list of reasons why they just rebooted the series. ;)


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Kobold Cleaver wrote:
It didn't. Dead Horse isn't here, is he?

I haven't seen him around lately.

Dark Archive Software Developer

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Sara Marie: Cosmo, as usual, you have found the root of my fears.


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Christopher Anthony wrote:
Sara Marie: Cosmo, as usual, you have found the root of my fears.

Wait, isn't Cosmo supposed to be the root of your fears? Or has he outsourced?


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Christopher Anthony wrote:
Sara Marie: Cosmo, as usual, you have found the root of my fears.
Wait, isn't Cosmo supposed to be the root of your fears? Or has he outsourced?

He is the "soil" in which fears are rooted.


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Insane KillMaster wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Christopher Anthony wrote:
Sara Marie: Cosmo, as usual, you have found the root of my fears.
Wait, isn't Cosmo supposed to be the root of your fears? Or has he outsourced?
He is the "soil" in which fears are rooted.

Ha! Those pamphlets I handed out are already taking effect.

Dark Archive Software Developer

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Diego: I like how they're all excited about someone peeing in their nose.

Paizo Employee Customer Service Manager

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Diego: Can we have a "Answer the phone like Batman" day?
Diego: And when someone calls to ask "Why haven't I received my order yet?
Diego: We can use our Christian Bale voice and say "WHERE IS IT?!?" and hang up.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber
Sara Marie wrote:

Diego: Can we have a "Answer the phone like Batman" day?

Diego: And when someone calls to ask "Why haven't I received my order yet?
Diego: We can use our Christian Bale voice and say "WHERE IS IT?!?" and hang up.

In my college freshman dorm (back in the '80s), there was a public phone in the common room that only made on-campus calls.

It was red.

If the phone rang, you were supposed to pick it up and say (in your best Adam West inpression) "Yes, Commisioner?!"

Dark Archive Software Developer

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Robot Chris: I am now equipped with articles on how to have chicken nuggets in the wilderness

Paizo Employee Customer Service Manager

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Sara Marie: "Every time you make a rule, you take away a choice. And choice, with all its illuminating repercussions, is the fuel for learning."*

Chris: my choice involves sweet cleansing fire

*:
First Break all the Rules, Gallup Press pg 122

Paizo Employee Customer Service Manager

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katina: your cow will be SLIIIIIIGHTLY less tipsy than our cows

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Sara Marie wrote:
katina: your cow will be SLIIIIIIGHTLY less tipsy than our cows

Designated Cattle-Driver?

Dark Archive Software Developer

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Rysky wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:
katina: your cow will be SLIIIIIIGHTLY less tipsy than our cows
Designated Cattle-Driver?

Purveyor of bovine intoxicants.


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Christopher Anthony wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Sara Marie wrote:
katina: your cow will be SLIIIIIIGHTLY less tipsy than our cows
Designated Cattle-Driver?
Purveyor of bovine intoxicants.

Korova Milk Bar?


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Sara Marie wrote:
katina: your cow will be SLIIIIIIGHTLY less tipsy than our cows

An udder round?

Dark Archive

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moost you guys keep doing all these terrible cow puns?

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Veal you shush? Deer having fun.

(I Blame Katina)


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Cow SONG!

(^_^)


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I don't have beef with it. Sorry for horning in on the discussion, though. I'll hoof to do better next time. But hay its all in fun right?


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You guys won't heifer learn, will you?


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There isn't much else to do when it's Friesian out.


Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

This must be stopped. When will someone get up the gumption and take the bull by the horns?!?


Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Feros wrote:
This must be stopped. When will someone get up the gumption and take the bull by the horns?!?

The problem with that is that we were talking of matters of cows, not bulls. Dare ye go there?


Wei Ji the Learner wrote:
Feros wrote:
This must be stopped. When will someone get up the gumption and take the bull by the horns?!?
The problem with that is that we were talking of matters of cows, not bulls. Dare ye go there?

Still bovines. ;)


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KC's Law of Pun Variance: The length of a pun war is directly proportional to the likelihood of it expanding beyond its original subject, always expanding to the next largest grouping—from fish to marine creatures to the ocean, from cows to bovines to farm animals, etc. The sole exception is bears. It is entirely impawsible to run out of bear puns.


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I came pretty clawse


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Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I'll de-fur to the experts.


Ox, cow we go back to milking puns?


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We kinda need a Katina thread, something something about puns and/or making Diego cry.

Paizo Employee Customer Service Representative

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Those 2 things are the same thing.


Diego Valdez wrote:
Those 2 things are the same thing.

Puns make you cry? Having a few Pungeon Masters around must be hard...

Paizo Employee Customer Service Representative

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The best part is that Diego hates puns but loves cows, so I suspect he finds cow puns to be dairy upsetting.

*cackles from evil pun lair*

Paizo Employee Customer Service Representative

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Dear Dora,

It's happening again...

*Sobs forever*


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Katina Davis wrote:

The best part is that Diego hates puns but loves cows, so I suspect he finds cow puns to be dairy upsetting.

*cackles from evil pun lair*

This is a cow-rule and unmoosual punishment.

Poor Diego.


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No easy teat.


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Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

So...

I've skimmed the most recent posts and this is only two percent of the whole milk discussion.

Clearly, more pun-ishment is required.

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