While I agree with most of what you have said, this I take exception too. I am a retired IBMr (12/31/2009), and as a mainframe support programmer, worked from home for the last 8 years or so of my 35 year, 3 month, 17 day career. As long as I got my work done and attended the meetings that I needed to, my boss didn't give a rat's patootie when I worked. We actually had a guy, who did not have meetings other than the weekly team and department meeting that got up at 0300 their time and worked till 1200 or so and left for the day. I also essentially took Monday afternoons off so I could do some volunteer work, but worked late almost every other day. Like I said, my boss did not care since I *always* got my work done.
-- david
Papa.DRB
First, who made the mistake of inviting K to your game? You can't invite a snake to dinner and then be upset that he bit one of your friends at the table. K is NOT going to change at age 30. He is the jerk he has ALWAYS been and should not have been invited. You have to have an understanding in your game, life, work, etc of what the group expects from each other. You don't show up to work 1-2 hours late and expect to have a job,K does. Unfortunately. My husband usually works 8-5~ish. They're programmers and work in an office, so the managers don't care too much if they're late, as long as they get their work done. So if my husband shows up at 8:10, not a big deal. But any later than about 8:30, my husband considers "late" and he never shows up that late. My husband also works a lot of "overtime" and since he's salaried, he doesn't actually get paid for more than 40 hours a week, but he knows what he has to get done and will get it done, even if it takes 45-50 hours a week. His managers love him.
K, on the other hand, usually rolls in to work between 10-10:30. Apparently the managers don't care, because K stays until 7-8 at night, to get 8+ hours and all his work in. I, personally, really wish his managers would clamp down on him and tell him to show up when the rest of the crew does (so that maybe he'd learn to be on time to other things, like...Pathfinder), but obvious I have no control over that.
*Takes a very deep breath*
One more thing I forgot to add: We are already hurting for players.
Our Saturday game usually runs with 2 players plus GM because we don't have any more people. But better that than having a bad player on board. A bad player will annoy everyone, bad feelings will build up, one day it all bubbles over, big badda-boom, people are fed up with Roleplaying, you suddenly have 0 players.
or they flake out and just don't show up.
That might be because they show up once, have this idiot make them really uncomfortable, and then not bother to return. Not the right thing to do (you should always tell people what's up), but some people aren't good at that stuff.
We have basically come to the conclusion that K really likes hanging out with us (I don't think he has many friends) so he shows up to our gaming sessions when it's convenient for him, but he doesn't really give a crap about role playing itself
Why is he playing then? Can't he hang out with you without playing? Or hang out with you at some other time?
Mainly, the reason my character ended up putting him to sleep which resulted in his death. He was playing a Barbarian, I was playing a Witch. The BBG had cast Charm Person (or something similar) on him, and he was currently beating on me.
If it was charm person, and not dominate, something was wrong there: Charm only makes the caster your bestest friend. Doesn't make other people no longer your friends all of a sudden. If one friend tells you to beat up and kill your other friend, you won't do it just because you like friend 1 more.
I was going to be dead in another round or two if I didn't do something, and we weren't close to killing the BBG, so I used a Slumber Hex on him to take him out of commission.
The smartest choice? Maybe not.
I disagree. If someone is out to kill you, you make sure he stops. Not that he gets a bit worse at it.
Plus, who would have thought that the enemy would waste time to kill someone who's already out of commission? Unless those enemies were absolute sadists, the GM is the sadist here.
Do we optimize? Yes, yes we do, I certainly will not deny that.
Nor should you. Nothing to be ashamed of. To misquote Michael Douglas: Optimisation... is... good!
He built a sub-par character (anyone can feel free to disagree with this, but a cleric who only uses half of his domain spells and ignores more than 75% of his available spells is sub-par, in my opinion)
Not necessarily built sub-par. More played sub-par.
When K comes, he is still notoriously late, will again interrupt our game (whatever we're in the middle of when he shows up) and then we have to start over/fit him in, and he almost always brings a collection of his own games and insists we play them, and gets whiny if the group wants to play something else.
And you put up with this jerk? Tell him to shut up, sit down, wait for the game to finish (he could have been there at the agreed-upon time), and either bow to the group decision of what is being played, or go somewhere else to sulk.
He either learns the lesson (he's not 5 any more, which would have been the correct time for his mother to get that behaviour out of his system), or he stays away. Either way, problem solved.
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.
K does. Unfortunately. My husband usually works 8-5~ish. They're programmers and work in an office, so the managers don't care too much if they're late, as long as they get their work done. So if my husband shows up at 8:10, not a big deal. But any later than about 8:30, my husband considers "late" and he never shows up that late.
Well, your husband is not signing the pay cheques.
We're talking about programmers. A lot of them don't hold with fixed work hours. I know I don't. And employers are often smart enough to not force the issue.
As long as he gets the desired results (40 hours worth of work per week, and decent work), it's not that important when he gets them.
I also was last one at work at my last job (unless our team leader would come in at that day, then it would be him - though that's mostly because he couldn't even leave the house without being waylaid by his phone).
Yes, sometimes they did wait for me - couldn't put my suitcase down some days before I had to help half the department with something. Still, we always got our work done (unlike some other departments - though I should stop talking about that job) and my team leader didn't mind my hours, as long as I spent enough of them at work.
My husband also works a lot of "overtime" and since he's salaried, he doesn't actually get paid for more than 40 hours a week, but he knows what he has to get done and will get it done, even if it takes 45-50 hours a week. His managers love him.
Of course they love him! He gives them 20-40 hours per month. People like people who give them gifts.
And as long as he is properly appreciated (i.e. gets the raises he's due) and doesn't overwork himself to the point where he breaks down while trying to please his managers, that's okay.
But this isn't the same. Unlike his managers, you do have a set starting date. That social contract thing is something everyone signs (figuratively).
He sounds like he has problems. The showing up late can be part of it. However, that is something a shrink should have a go at.
I take a shot here and guess what your profession is not: Shrink.
That means you're not being paid to treat his problems, and not really trained to do so, either. All his problems do for you is create problems of his own.
So boot him. He doesn't like the game, anyway. It would almost be better to let him come in and sit in a corner than to let the game (and everyone in it) suffer. But since he seems to be quite a jerk with condescending and snarky remarks, and you don't even seem to consider him a friend, I'm not sure I would do even that.
My husband gets pretty upset when K is always late to everything, because my husband is always, always on time, and if we're, say, going out to dinner with K, we end up sitting at the table waiting for him for 40 minutes feeling like jerks for taking up the table and not ordering. Yes, we have talked to him about this, he knows it upsets us when he's always late to everything. He doesn't care. Therefore, we don't do anything with K anymore, besides Pathfinder.
I have a friend who is very similar; she is always an hour late for everything. So we would say to her, "We're getting together on Sunday at noon to game. See you then!" Then we would tell everyone else to come at 1 p.m. That way, no one had to wait around for her to show up. She would be "magically" right on time!
I can't remember any more, but I'm fairly certain I even told her I was doing this... and she understood the reasoning. <shrug> It's just the way she is.
Maybe that would help you with K's chronic lateness?
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I also have friends i wouldn't game with for my life again. They are moslty ok people, but horrible gamers. Last last three games i played with 3 to 2 players and it was awesome. Why? Because they care and they want to contribute. I stopped being nice about these things. Being nice is not the right answer for this.
If you don't want him to play, tell him so, in no uncertain terms. If he asks why, tell him why, in no uncertain terms. If he complain, tell him why he has no right to complain, in no uncertain terms. And if he gets aggressive or violent, dial 911.
Get rid of him. If he complains to your husband at work, have him mention that the book clearly states in Chapter One of the GameMastery Guide that young children tend to get in the way of a gaming session and it is a good idea to keep them left out of the room or at a neighbor's house so they don't distract from the experience.
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I just recently experienced the same thing. I have a player who was a first-time player and very interested in the game at first. However, he seemed incapable of separating himself from his character -- any time something bad happened to his half-orc cleric, he would take it personally. He viewed me, the GM, as his "enemy", even as all the other players (most of whom are more experienced) reminded them that my role requires that I play the bad guys and facilitate challenging encounters.
He also became increasingly distracting and less involved. He would play on his phone constantly until told it was his turn, and when it wasn't his turn he would try to get us all to watch 5-10 minute videos on his phone.
To handle it, I sent the entire group a preliminary e-mail asking everybody for their input on how to make the campaign better. I received responses from everybody but him. So I waited a few days, then sent him an e-mail telling him that I knew he was frustrated and/or not having fun, and that I needed to know what I could do to change it.
He only had complaints about the story and the "lack of motivation" I provided. While I saw his point, I did point out to him that this was an utter failure on his part as a player -- instead of asking me what his motivation was, he needed to ask himself what his character's motivations were, and how can he help me drive a better story through them.
In response, he claimed to have tore his character sheet up and offered no more productive dialogue. After blaming me for a few more issues and telling me that the other players "don't play right", he elected to drop out.
In short, I think it's always best to approach the player and ask what you can do for them. They may have good ideas. Some -- like mine -- may be subtly looking for an out, and you should give it to them. It's your game but everybody needs to have fun, including the GM.