I have seen a lot of bickering over an issue which seems quite simple to me: Planned Parenthood. For a while, I just assumed you guys were idiots. I now see there's more to it than that.
I think you should try looking at this the Kobold Way:
In the kobold tribes, our greatest advantage is NUMBERS! Abortion prevents us from using this advantage, so it's a bad idea.
Babies who are too weak or sick to fight should not be subject to abortions before they're even born! This is WRONG. Instead, you must put the babies to work in the mines. It usually works better if you give them a week to learn how to hold a pickaxe (and to crawl), but it's not crucial.
If the babies can't even dig, they are STILL able to serve a purpose, so don't abort them just yet! We can use them to test trap sensitivity--the smaller the creature, the better. Normally we use baby weasels, but the different body structure makes this less efficient. Babies also make good food for said weasels, come to think of it!
"What if the parents can't support the baby", you ask! Well, that's simple: They don't need to! They can ship the baby straight to the mines! See above for details. Of course, there is a small upkeep cost. Grubs and water ain't free, you know. What does this look like, Soviet Russia? Luckily, the cost is as small as possible--as are the meals!
The last issue: "What if the babies die from such conditions as those mentioned above?"
This is simple! Each kobold pair produces about eighty of the rascals. We have about a hundred pairs. The fifty-ish percent that die are still useful, too! We launch the corpses at our enemies, use them as barricades...clubs...when we get enslaved by a crazy necromancer, they can even be animated! Death does not damage the kobold society, it nurtures it!
I hope this unique perspective has helped you look at Planned Parenthood in a new light. Remember: Abortion is WRONG. It wastes perfectly good food, good weapons, and good labor! We must support the tribe, and not put our selfish goals ahead of the collective.
Kurtlemak curse your human offspring (no offense),
Kobold Cleaver
+1
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The fifty-ish percent that die are still useful, too! We launch the corpses at our enemies, use them as barricades...clubs...
After surpressing the urge to regurgitate my cornchip breakfast, and getting over the unnatural twitch that this suddenly triggered...BAD KOBOLD! BAD!
The only useful KOBOLD is one tied to a lawnstake by the entrance so you can scrap the dung off your boots as you enter the tavern.
Kobolds have little need for Planned Parenthood. They spend most of their time trying to get garden gnomes pregnant.
Kobolds have little need for Planned Parenthood. They spend most of their time trying to get garden gnomes pregnant.
Aren't gnomes the sworn enemies of Kobolds? I highly doubt that they would be trying to impregnate them. Halflings, on the otherhand, are fair game.
Kobolds have little need for Planned Parenthood. They spend most of their time trying to get garden gnomes pregnant.Aren't gnomes the sworn enemies of Kobolds? I highly doubt that they would be trying to impregnate them. Halflings, on the otherhand, are fair game.
[whisper]Garden gnomes are made of plaster[/whisper]
Taig told me they were made of svirfneblium. Lying badger.
Kobolds have little need for Planned Parenthood. They spend most of their time trying to get garden gnomes pregnant.Aren't gnomes the sworn enemies of Kobolds? I highly doubt that they would be trying to impregnate them. Halflings, on the otherhand, are fair game.
It's a love/hate relationship. Gnomes are like the more socially-adapted, nicer-groomed, better-mining version of kobolds. Thus kobolds hate them, yet desire them with a sick passion, kind of like geeks and cheerleaders. However, they are unable to ever best an actual gnome , as gnomes traditionally wipe the floor with them in any conflict, like geeks and cheerleaders. Thus, they vent their ..umm ...spleen on the plaster variety, like geeks and 4chan.
Halflings wisely steer clear of aggrivating kobolds or gnomes, and concentrate on Top Chef Masters reruns on TV.
The fifty-ish percent that die are still useful, too! We launch the corpses at our enemies, use them as barricades...clubs...After surpressing the urge to regurgitate my cornchip breakfast, and getting over the unnatural twitch that this suddenly triggered...BAD KOBOLD! BAD!
The only useful KOBOLD is one tied to a lawnstake by the entrance so you can scrap the dung off your boots as you enter the tavern.
Ah, that's another use! Thanks, Dingo.
Kobolds have little need for Planned Parenthood. They spend most of their time trying to get garden gnomes pregnant.Aren't gnomes the sworn enemies of Kobolds? I highly doubt that they would be trying to impregnate them. Halflings, on the otherhand, are fair game.It's a love/hate relationship. Gnomes are like the more socially-adapted, nicer-groomed, better-mining version of kobolds. Thus kobolds hate them, yet desire them with a sick passion, kind of like geeks and cheerleaders. However, they are unable to ever best an actual gnome , as gnomes traditionally wipe the floor with them in any conflict, like geeks and cheerleaders. Thus, they vent their ..umm ...spleen on the plaster variety, like geeks and 4chan.
Halflings wisely steer clear of aggrivating kobolds or gnomes, and concentrate on Top Chef Masters reruns on TV.
Just have to say...
Kobolds have little need for Planned Parenthood. They spend most of their time trying to get garden gnomes pregnant.Aren't gnomes the sworn enemies of Kobolds? I highly doubt that they would be trying to impregnate them. Halflings, on the otherhand, are fair game.It's a love/hate relationship. Gnomes are like the more socially-adapted, nicer-groomed, better-mining version of kobolds. Thus kobolds hate them, yet desire them with a sick passion, kind of like geeks and cheerleaders. However, they are unable to ever best an actual gnome , as gnomes traditionally wipe the floor with them in any conflict, like geeks and cheerleaders. Thus, they vent their ..umm ...spleen on the plaster variety, like geeks and 4chan.
Halflings wisely steer clear of aggrivating kobolds or gnomes, and concentrate on Top Chef Masters reruns on TV.
Classic!
I thought baby kobolds came about through 3rd party intervention like plants. So does that make gnomes the bees?
I thought baby kobolds came about through 3rd party intervention like plants. So does that make gnomes the bees?
Suddenly, I have idea for Isabella Rossellini's next Green Porno short film (maybe NSFW, definitely NSFSanity).
{looks for nice sharp pencil to poke out eyes and any brain accessible through the ears}
they spread the kobold disease by butchering kobolds?
Maybe kobold-ism is an affliction/curse, like lycanthropy, that happens to bad little gnomes who disobey their parents? :)
I'm sure Blue Velvet had something to do with it ...
And you can't really lust after Ingrid Bergman anymore...
And you can't really lust after Ingrid Bergman anymore...well, you could...
Wow, she's a swell looking dame!