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I’ve been thinking about the odd things Charlie Sheen’s been saying, about being a “Grand-High Wizard,” having “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA,” and how his bosses have “picked a fight with a warlock,” etc.
My wife was asking how one would stat Charlie, given all of these statements.
I find it fairly easy to come up with racial abilities, but aside from a few obvious levels in bard, I can’t figure out what class Charlie might be. (Let’s face it: he’s not much of a wizard. Or a warlock, for that matter.)
On the other hand, I would suspect Charlie is an urban ranger of moderate level, being that he has a favored terrain (hotel rooms) and at least two favored enemies (ex-wives and hookers). Plus, he seems proficient in wielding a crackpipe in each hand.
Anyway, here are a few thoughts:
Tiger Blood (Ex) Charlie’s self-proclaimed “tiger blood” allows him to channel the powers of both the great cats and the infamous golf pro. Charlie enjoys a +2 bonus to Acrobatics and Escape Artist checks while avoiding indictment, and +2 to Stealth checks made to cheat on his current wife.
Adonis DNA (Ex) Charlie adds his Charisma bonus to Fortitude saves made to survive heart attacks brought on by abuse of alcohol and cocaine.
Sheen Magnetism (Su) Charlie’s potent essence creates an aura of “win” about him, detectable by all living creatures named Charlie Sheen. This “win aura” may be distilled into a dangerous potion (see Explosive Essence).
Manson Affinity (Sp) Once per day as a standard action, Charlie can make mental contact with the other Charlie. Thereafter, for forty-five minutes (not counting commercials), Charlie can emit a cacophony of maddening sound as a free action. All creatures other than the Charlies within 60 feet must succeed on a DC 21 Will save or be confused for 1 round. This is a mind affecting compulsion insanity effect. A creature that saves cannot be affected by Charlie’s gibbering for 24 hours. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Harem (Ex) Like the other Charlie, the “Grand-High Wizard” attracts young women who serve his every whim.
Explosive Essence The essence of Charlie Sheen may be collected and distilled to create a potent potion. Those drinking the resulting elixir must succeed on a DC 21 Fortitude save or suffer the instantaneous melting of their faces, followed 1 round later by the total explosion of their bodies, after which their children weep over their bloody remains. On a successful save, the imbiber “wins.”
Wow.
I am so completely not the person to understand him or any of the stuff coming out of his mouth, but I can take a crack at his attributes.
STR 14 (or 20 if high on some body-altering illegal substance)
DEX 16 (seems to move quickly from interview to interview)
CON 12
INT 10 (seems average)
WIS 4 (seems far, far below average in making good decisions)
CHA 16
Hee hee!
Only problem I see is with the Adonis DNA feature. The original Adonis wasn't noted so much for his substance abuse problems as for his getting into trouble for being so pretty.
Maybe Dionysiac DNA? Or you could make him a maenad.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16, 2011 Top 32
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Wow.
I am so completely not the person to understand him or any of the stuff coming out of his mouth, but I can take a crack at his attributes.
STR 14 (or 20 if high on some body-altering illegal substance)
DEX 16 (seems to move quickly from interview to interview)
CON 12
INT 10 (seems average)
WIS 4 (seems far, far below average in making good decisions)
CHA 16
I would swap his CON and STR. To have survived as many noxious substances as he has, he'd need a Fortitude save out the roof. Also, may I suggest two new Sheen-traits:
Train-Wreck (Ex): Nothing seems to quite bring you down, despite your best efforts... Whenever you are confronted with a roll that could spell certain doom, you roll twice and take the better of the two rolls. However, this comes with a price: you gain a permanent following as per the Leadership feat, only these followers are all members of the "media" and not subject to your control.
And:
WINNNNNNING (Su): You don't die at your negative Constitution score; instead you gain a permanent delusion and reappear in the media spotlight with 1 hit point. When the number of permanent delusions outnumbers your Wisdom score, you must immediately spend 1d6 days per delusion in rehab. When you leave rehab, your delusions have gone quiet. For now...
I'm an F-18 bro and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground!
Bravo, Bruunwald.
Hee hee!
Only problem I see is with the Adonis DNA feature. The original Adonis wasn't noted so much for his substance abuse problems as for his getting into trouble for being so pretty.
Maybe Dionysiac DNA? Or you could make him a maenad.
Yeah, that was hard. He kept talking about his "Adonis DNA," and at first I thought of a straight-ahead +2 to Str and Cha to simulate this statue-like beauty. But then, he said it in context with how it was he could shake off the effects of booze and coke and basically not die.
So I thought, well... apply Charisma to said saving throw? That's kind of like "too beautiful to die?"
I dunno...
LOL!
I appreciate everyone indulging my weirdness, though. It's good to be a nerd.
Hee hee!
Only problem I see is with the Adonis DNA feature. The original Adonis wasn't noted so much for his substance abuse problems as for his getting into trouble for being so pretty.
Maybe Dionysiac DNA? Or you could make him a maenad.
Yeah, that was hard. He kept talking about his "Adonis DNA," and at first I thought of a straight-ahead +2 to Str and Cha to simulate this statue-like beauty. But then, he said it in context with how it was he could shake off the effects of booze and coke and basically not die.
So I thought, well... apply Charisma to said saving throw? That's kind of like "too beautiful to die?"
I dunno...
LOL!
I appreciate everyone indulging my weirdness, though. It's good to be a nerd.
We have no proof his claims of Adnois DNA are factual, however. ;) And he's ended up in the hospital having to get checked out a bit too often -- I don't think his Fortitude save is all that high at all, he's merely gotten lucky most of his life, and now his luck is starting to run out.
His new TV show is on this Thursday night.
We need a power so the he can destroy you in the air and then deploy his ordinance to the ground. He must have third level arcane spells anyway you do it. Fly, disintegrate, and fireball are musts.
I call this facet of his "powers" delusional psychosis. Feel free to correct for whatever the currently correct clinical term would be. :)
I keep reading this thread title as 'Stabbing Charlie Sheen' when I'm scrolling past it.
(I think I like my brain's version better, given Mr. Sheen's recent shenanigans.)
"Charlie Sheen" is a prestige class, with class features like Score Coke (Ex) and Attract Porn Starlet Cohorts (Ex).
The capstone feature is "Tornado of Awesome (Su)."
Rakasha bloodline sorcerer Obviously.
Rakasha bloodline sorcerer Obviously.
Martin Sheen is a rakshasa?
Rakasha bloodline sorcerer Obviously.Martin Sheen is a rakshasa?
Human with the rakasha bloodline. Think about it.
High charisma
Very manipulative (good liar, attention seeker, etc)
"tiger" blood
"warlock" - Perhaps that's what he calls sorcerers
SPells include charm person, summon hooker, mass charm
It's totally his bag, baby.
This might help
Rakshasa
At some point in your family's history, one of your ancestors was tainted by the influence of a rakshasa. Though most of your family seem entirely normal, you have always felt your own skin is a prison from which magic allows you to escape. Your birthright is a secret you may be forced to keep from societies that would never deal with you if your heritage were known.
Class Skill : Disguise .
Bonus Spells : charm person (3rd), invisibility (5th), suggestion (7th), detect scrying (9th), prying eyes (11th), mass suggestion (13th), greater polymorph (15th), mind blank (17th), dominate monster (19th).
Bonus Feats : Arcane Armor Mastery , Arcane Armor Training , Deceitful, Detect Expertise , Empower Spell, Light Armor Proficiency, Martial Weapon Proficiency , Stealthy .
Bloodline Arcana : Add half your sorcerer level to the Spellcraft DC for others to identify spells you cast. If their checks fail by 5 or more, they mistakenly believe you are casting an entirely different spell (selected by you when you begin casting).
Bloodline Powers : You can call upon the nearly divine power of your rakshasa ancestors, giving you the power to convincingly deceive your enemies.
Silver Tongue (Su) : At 1st level, you can draw upon your outsider heritage to spin amazingly convincing lies. Activating this ability is a swift action. You gain a +5 bonus on one Bluff check made to convince another of the truth of your words (similar to using glibness ). If a magical effect is used against you that would detect your lies or force you to speak the truth, the user of the effect must succeed on a caster level check (DC 10 + your sorcerer level) to succeed. Failure means the effect does not detect your lies or force you to speak only the truth. You can use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + your Charisma modifier.
Mind Reader (Sp) : At 3rd level, you can read minds as a spell-like ability. This ability acts like detect thoughts , except it lasts only 1 round, you use it on a single target as a standard action, and if the target fails its Will save, you gain information as if you had concentrated on it for 3 rounds. You may use this ability once per day at 3rd level and one additional time per day for every four sorcerer levels you possess beyond 3rd, up to five times per day at 20th level.
Hide Aura (Sp) : At 9th level, you can conceal yourself from prying magic. This ability acts like a constant nondetection spell cast upon yourself. You can end or restore this protection as a move action.
Alter Self (Sp) : At 15th level, you can change your shape into that of any humanoid at will. This ability acts like alter self , except you may remain in a chosen form as long as you want.
Outsider (Su) : At 20th level, your natural form becomes an animal-headed humanoid, like a true rakshasa. This does not affect your ability to speak or cast spells. You can use your alter self or other disguise and polymorph abilities to assume your original form or other forms when it suits you. You are forevermore treated as a native outsider rather than as a humanoid (or whatever your original type was) for the purpose of spells and other magical effects. Unlike other outsiders, you can still be brought back from the dead as if you were a member of your previous creature type. You gain DR 10/piercing.
Never mind.
Martin Sheen (Badlands, Apocalypse Now, The Dead Zone, The West Wing), in case you haven't heard of him, is an accomplished actor -- without whom Charlie (and that twerp Emilio) would never have had a start. So the "power" in Charley's blood comes from daddy.
That's his bloodline!
Never mind. ** spoiler omitted **
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** spoiler omitted **
Yes! That's what I've been saying.
Martin Sheen is not a rakshasa!
Although he did survive a (cocaine-induced?) heart attack on the set of Apoc Now.
Martin Sheen is not a rakshasa!
Although he did survive a (cocaine-induced?) heart attack on the set of Apoc Now.
That's just what a rakasha would want you to think!
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Good Catholics can't be rakshasas.
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Good Catholics can't be rakshasas.
Rakashas can pretend to be good catholics They're sneaky like that.
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Martin Sheen is not a rakshasa!
Although he did survive a (cocaine-induced?) heart attack on the set of Apoc Now.
Banging 7 gram rocks.......The Black Goblin says HELL YAAAAAAAAAA. Thats a Real Feat MOTHER@*!*@%. BI WINNING BIZNICH!!!!!!!!!!
2nd level old commoner with the burnout template.
Although he did survive a (cocaine-induced?) heart attack on the set of Apoc Now.
My apologies to Martin Sheen for the slander.
You can't stat Charlie Sheen, he is too awesome for d20 metrics.
This thread made me realize that he has to be a (former?) gamer though, there is no other explanation.
You can't stat Charlie Sheen, he is too awesome for d20 metrics.
This thread made me realize that he has to be a (former?) gamer though, there is no other explanation.
Charlie Sheen says > this < is his favorite film.
.
My apologies to Martin Sheen for the slander.
"I resent that! Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel."
Charlie Sheen says > this < is his favorite film.
Dude's got food taste in movies, gotta give him that. That's one of the most edge-of-your seat suspenseful movies of all time.
Charlie Sheen says > this < is his favorite film.Dude's got food taste in movies, gotta give him that. That's one of the most edge-of-your seat suspenseful movies of all time.
Huh? It's not on Netflix? WTF?
[Snorts]
Crappy American remake of Le salaire de la peur!
Huh? It's not on Netflix? WTF?
Sure it is. Just not on the crappy "instant viewing" that has a library of like 8 titles and stops for buffering every half-minute anyway. For movies of Netflix, DVDs are still the only way to go.
Crappy American remake of Le salaire de la peur!
Added to queue! But it's far from crappy, Monsieur -- and besides, Roy Scheider is even cooler than Charlie Sheen.
Where's the Template for the Half-Cocaine elemental? He would definitely have that!
As a cohort.
Charlie Sheen
Str-12
Int-13
Wis-13
Dex-11
Con-16
Cha-17
HP-15
Speed 30ft
Charlie likes using winning for defeating his enemies.
How has no one mentioned his Bi-Winning class feature.
I'm also an F-18, bro.