Silly Spells from the Korvosan Acadamae class of 4708


Homebrew and House Rules

Dark Archive

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So, random spells along the theme of 'create a new spell, that uses the name of a pre-existing spell, with one letter changed in the name.'

Burning Bands

Spoiler:

School conjuration (creation) [fire]; Level sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (three red silk ribbons attached to three copper coins)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Effect ray
Duration 1 round / level
Saving Throw none; see text; Spell Resistance no

Playing up her half-Tian heritage to pretend to know all sorts of exotic ‘eastern mysteries’, conjuration apprentice Mia Ti Martine showed off not only her spellcraft, but also her visual flair and skill at crafts, using three ring shaped Tian copper coins and red silk ribbons embroided with gold-threated Tian symbols, far more extravagant than the spell strictly required to conjure her dancing ‘fire dragons.’

With a grand gesture, you hurl the material components at the target, and they transform in mid-flight into bands of fiery conjured matter that wrap around the selected target, which cannot be more than one size class larger than the caster to be affected. You need to make a ranged touch attack, and if successful, the target is ensnared by the animated fiery ribbons, with effects identical to that of a tanglefoot bag. The DC for the Strength check to break free of these ribbons is calculated as if it were a saving throw. 10 + spell level (1, unless heightened) + Intelligence (for a wizard or witch) or charisma (for a sorcerer) modifier. The DC bonus from Spell Focus (conjuration), or similar effects, also applies to this special Strength check. Like a tanglefoot bag, the burning bands can also be cut away by 15 points worth of damage from a slashing weapon.

At the end of every round which a target remains entangled, they suffer 1d4 fire damage from the flames dancing along the burning bands.

Bleep

Spoiler:

School transmutation [sonic]; Level sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 immediate action
Components V, S, M (a tiny whistle or noisemaker)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Target one living creature
Duration instantaneous
Saving Throw Will negates; Spell Resistance yes

Knowing from his network of cronies and snitches that several other students had spells of fire and lightning in the design stages, the better to impress the judges with flashy displays, transmutation student Amirrin Kalto chose to create the fastest and least-visible effect he could, one that was effective at what it did, and yet was as streamlined and abrupt as he could fashion.

This spell interrupts the speech of another, causing a word or short phrase to be transformed into a shrill sound that makes the exact word ‘censored’ undecipherable to listeners who fail a DC 25 perception check. If the spell is cast to mangle the phrasing of a spell with verbal components, and the spellcaster does not resist the spell, he must make a concentration check to successfully cast the spell, with a difficulty equal to the DC to resist the bleep spell.

Burning Lands

Spoiler:

School evocation [fire]; Level sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a small chunk of magma)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Effect flames in a 20-ft.-radius spread
Duration 1 round / level
Saving Throw none; see text; Spell Resistance yes

One of a pair of sisters, Shindri Cassoni chose to craft a spell that would not just produce a damaging (and spectacular) visible energy effect, but also manipulate the movement of foes within the target area, by punishing them for moving from their place while the spell remained in effect.

The target area is swept in faint ruddy flames that crawl along the ground and produce a sensation of warmth, but do not inflict any damage to targets that remain stationary. Any target that moves out of a square that is awash in these flames finds that they wrap around his body in ever-increasing layers of many-colored fire, growing slightly brighter and warmer, the more he moves, until he is lashed by 1d4 points of fire damage for each square vacated. These instances of damage occur when movement ends, as a single attack (unless he takes multiple instances of movement within a single round, in the affected area, through the use of a 5 ft. step, being bull rushed or repositioned, or the Step Up feat, in which case each instance of movement produces it's own damaging retaliatory effect), and if the target succeeds in their initial spell resistance, no damage is suffered, and the creature can move freely through the affected area with no further rolls required and no risk of damage.

Shocking Grass

Spoiler:

School evocation [electricity]; Level sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a handful of iron flakes and quartz shards)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Effect electrical discharge in a 10-ft.-radius spread
Duration 1 round
Saving Throw none; see text; Spell Resistance yes

Karoli Cassoni attempted to duplicate her sister’s entry, using electrical forces instead of fire, but chose to influence the movement of those in the target area of her spell by encouraging them to flee the area, rather than remain standing in place.

The ground in the target area builds up a crackling charge of electrical energy, and wavering tendrils of electricity spark upwards, somewhat resembling a dancing field of blue-white grass. On the caster’s action in the round after the spell is cast, the charge explosively releases, and anyone remaining in the affected area suffers electrical damage based on their position. Anyone standing within an affected square suffers 1d6 points of electrical damage as the charge erupts towards the sky, and for each additional adjacent square that is also affected, suffers an additional point of electrical damage. For a larger creature, who may occupy more than one square, the creature suffers 1d6 points of damage for each affected square occupied, and 1 pt. of additional damage for each affected square adjacent to those squares, but does not suffer the additional ‘adjacent’ damage for any squares from which they have already suffered the larger damage effect. A successful spell resistance roll negates all damage.

The electrical discharge travels from the ground upwards, and a target within 30 ft. of the ground may also suffer the discharge, although such a target will only suffer the damage for any square(s) that the target is directly over, and not any additional damage from adjacent squares.

Animate Pope

Spoiler:

School transmutation; Level cleric 2, sorcerer/wizard 2
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a piece of sugar candy)
Range touch
Target one living creature
Duration 10 minutes / level
Saving Throw Will negates (harmless); Spell Resistance yes

Pontiff Theodred was known for his animated and lively instructional style, embellishing his homilies and parables with expansive gestures and the occasional impromptu bit of dance. The decades have not been kind to him, and he requires assistance to rise each morning, and an assistant to help him stand at the pulpit to give the morning service these days. Growing up in the church, listening to his sermons, the Apprentice Joqulis developed this spell to allow her old pastor (and his flock) to enjoy brief moments of his former glory.

The affected creature suffers none of the physical penalties of their current age category. A venerable target becomes as physically powerful, graceful and healthy as they were during the prime of their life, and, while not the original intent of the spell, a toddler is similarly temporarily enhanced to have the improbable strength, coordination and endurance of an adult of its species.

Mental attributes are not affected for good or ill by this spell, and strength, dexterity or constitution damage, drain or penalties from other sources, such as a ray of enfeeblement, spider venom or the blood drain of a stirge, are not negated by this spell, only the strength, dexterity and constitution scores depleted by the effects of physical age.

Colon Spray

Spoiler:

School conjuration (creation); Level sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a tiny cabbage-like vegetable or 'brussel sprout')
Range 15 ft.
Area cone-shaped burst
Duration instantaneous; see text
Saving Throw Fort partial; see text; Spell Resistance no

Coming from an outlying community, conjuration student Borik ‘Stinky’ Morboni fell victim to the age-old tradition of ‘forgetting’ to warn the out-of-towners not to drink the water from the ground cisterns, causing him to spend his first week in the academy suffering from humiliating intestinal distress. Years later, he still goes by the nickname of ‘Stinky,’ having long since taken the name as a perverse badge of pride, but finds that nobody picks on him anymore. Not more than once, anyway.

A reeking cone of brown fluid splatters from your hand to soak all in the affected area, causing them to have to save or become nauseated from the overwhelming stench. Those that fail their saving throw can make a new saving throw each round to overcome the nausea. The foul-smelling material clings to the afflicted targets for ten minutes, unless washed off, after which point it evaporates and leaves no trace of its presence. Once the target has made a single saving throw against the nausea effect, it does not recur, although for all long as the substance remains present, a soaked target is sickened.

The conjured substance only coats living targets within the affected cone, and evaporates immediately if it falls away from a subject who has been affected, leaving behind no sign (or scent) of its former existence. As a result, those targets drenched with this foul effluvium do not produce an odor that travels beyond the space they occupy, as the malodorous conjuration dissipates within moments of leaving the target’s person. Except by the targets of the spell, or those that get too close to them, the conjured stench cannot be detected, although the visible signs of befoulment are obvious.

Day of Enfeeblement

Spoiler:

School necromancy; Level sorcerer/wizard 2

The perpetually distracted, but undeniably brilliant, half-elf (half-something else…) necromantic prodigy Shrian created this spell in a frenzy of late-night last-minute dweomercraft.

This spell functions exactly as ray of enfeeblement, except that the effect lasts until the individual can rest for eight hours. Any effect that ends a fatigued condition (such as lesser restoration, or the appropriate paladin Mercy) will also end this effect.

Goat Sounds

Spoiler:

School illusion (glamer); Level sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Target one creature
Duration 1 round / level
Saving Throw Will negates; Spell Resistance yes

Shonty Shon, as this squeaky-voiced gnome of uncertain gender likes to be called, may or may not have understood that s/he was flouting the rules of the competition by designing a ‘sound-alike’ spell instead of a ‘one-letter-off’ spell, but did it anyway, and while not every instructor agreed with this decision, the headmaster of illusory studies found it amusing and passed him/her/it anyway.

This spell afflicts a target so that the only vocalization they can produce is the bleating of a goat. This makes communication and spellcasting all-but impossible for the duration of the effect, but the afflicted subject can use a standard action to force a new saving throw against the effect at any time during the spells duration, as often as desired, until the spell expires or the effect is resisted.

Caveat Emptor: A young spellslinger who used the spell in an arcane duel was rudely (and fatally) surprised to learn that some druidic spellcasters know a technique that allows them to incant their magics even in the form of various animals, such as birds, wolves and bears. While ‘goat’ is not a common choice for their transformations, it appears that anyone who knows their secret of ‘Natural Spell’ remains capable of using verbal spell components even while affected by this spell…

Shadow Lodge

*bleep* sir, *bleep* a *bleep*.


This is great stuff, Set. I have just started a file to compile your work. You should be a professional writer for the game, if you are not one already.

Dark Archive

Bill Lumberg wrote:
This is great stuff, Set. I have just started a file to compile your work. You should be a professional writer for the game, if you are not one already.

Thanks for the kind words!

I've got a bunch of stuff on my website, if you find the sort of stuff I write useful for your games.


I'd really love to see Make Whale, Wall of Scone, and Continual Blame.

Greg

PS great work on this. Years ago, in first edition, knew a guy who created a whole series of malicious jester spells by some strange sliding method of the spell tables. The only spell I still remember was "remove hand" - removes one of the casters hands. permanent non reversable.

Dark Archive

Greg Wasson wrote:
I'd really love to see Make Whale, Wall of Scone, and Continual Blame.

I considered mangling Make Whole or Mending to make reversed 'Make Hole' or 'Rending', but decided they weren't funny enough.

Continual Blame, or 'Blame Strike' sound like classic ideas. :)


Set wrote:
Greg Wasson wrote:
I'd really love to see Make Whale, Wall of Scone, and Continual Blame.

I considered mangling Make Whole or Mending to make reversed 'Make Hole' or 'Rending', but decided they weren't funny enough.

Continual Blame, or 'Blame Strike' sound like classic ideas. :)

Ya know, I was looking at mending and all I could think was "vending". Imagined a gold coin being used to get a nice refreshing bottle of cold water.

Greg


Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Continual Blame

School enchantment (mind-affecting) [language-dependent]; Level bard 3, sorcerer/wizard 4, witch 3
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a forged confession signed by an official who believed it to be genuine)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Target one creature
Duration permanent
Saving Throw Will negates; see text; Spell Resistance yes

As an additional verbal component of this spell, you must audibly accuse the target of something ("You killed Baron Mullard!"); this additional component is required even if the spell is modified with Silent Spell or a similar effect. On a failed Will save, the target becomes cursed such that anyone who interacts with them instinctively believes your accusation to be true; nothing the target does or says can convince them otherwise.

A third party who has reason to suspect the accusation may be false receives a Will save to disbelieve as if interacting with an illusion. Like an illusion, this save succeeds automatically if the third party has proof the accusation is false (Ex: Baron Mullard walks into the room alive and well) and receives a +4 bonus if someone who does not believe the accusation (excluding the target of the spell) presents evidence that it is false.

The curse bestowed by this spell cannot be dispelled, but it can be removed with a break enchantment, limited wish, miracle, remove curse, or wish spell.

Dark Archive

I love Continual Blame! The material component is awesome!

Just good (bad) clean (dirty) fun!

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Colon Spray = ewwww

Goat Sounds = funny but fail since you changed more than one letter

Needed:
Beagle's Splendor
Commando
Dorkness
Dorkvision
Explosive Prunes
Gaseous Norm
Manic Missile
Summon Swarmi

Too bad you didn't do puns:
Open Clothes

Scarab Sages

Acid Slash
Aunt Haul
Miner Image
Mayor Image
(or for pun "Army" Major Image)
Nunburst/Sonburst/Funburst (take your pick)
Reverse Cavity
Control Plans
Seal Mount
Create Food and Waiter
Holey Sword
Secret Chess
Symbol of Sleet
Wall of Irony
Haze Monster
Date Monster
Chart Person
Mage Amor (Okay this is a stretch)
Feather Call
Hog Cloud

Cheating:
Rambler
Protection from Weevil
Protection from Errors

Scarab Sages

Beer's Endurance
Diminish Pants
Dancing Knights

Dark Archive

Oh wow, I love some of these!

Beagle's Splendor?
Create Food & Waiter?
Haze Monster?

Nice stuff!

If it wasn't two letters off, instead of one letter off, I was all about the symbol of disco, that called up nine phantasmal roller-skating Olympian muses, flashing lights and some ELO music and made everyone in the area (friend or foe, including those who show up after it is cast but before it's over) Otto's irresistable dance for a few rounds.

For mage armor, I was thinking page armor, which grabs all unattended paper in the area and makes ornate origami o-yoroi armor around the recipient, but the potential damage to scroll collections, spellbooks, priceless antiquities, rare maps,

Spoiler:
explosive runes,
etc. seemed like a disaster in the making...

Or mage ardor, which makes the recipient fall in love with the nearest magic-user. Mage arbor just creates a tree. It's the prerequisite spell for a certain feather token. Mage armour makes armor that is terribly British, but fit for a queen.

For dancing lights, the most terrifying option is dancing wights, which would basically just replicate select scenes from Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Beagle's Splendor

School transmutation; Level druid 1, ranger 1, sorcerer/wizard 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M/DF (fur or droppings from an beagle)
Range touch
Target creature touched
Duration 1 min./level
Saving Throw Will negates (harmless); Spell Resistance yes

The transmuted creature becomes hirsute, lovable, and scentsitive (bwa-ha-ha). The spell grants the scent ability and covers the body in black, brown and white fur, which grants a +1 on Fort saves to cold related environmental hazards. The spell also grants a +2 to Diplomacy checks to improve the attitude and make requests of an NPC.

Dark Archive

You edited that, didn't you? I coulda swore it said +2 Fort saves and +4 Diplomacy checks a minute ago...

I like the new version. It's cool. An odd collection of bonuses that don't necessarily synergize, but very appropriate to the nature of the spell.


Boor's Endurance

School transmutation; Level sorcerer/wizard 1, witch 1
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (an few hairs of the target to be affected)
Range touch
Target humanoid touched
Duration 1 minute/level
Saving Throw Will negates (harmless); Spell Resistance Yes

For time immemorial, arcanists have often found their fighter companions to be undesirably brutish and uncouth. Efforts to make them more charismatic have been rebuffed time and time again (for what fighter needs charisma?), until one creative caster decided not to go against the grain but to employ that crudeness to produce a beneficial effect and keep the noisy louts' mouths shut as well.

If the subject has a negative Charisma modifier, that number is added to his or her Constitution as a positive enhancement bonus. Additionally, for the duration of the spell, the subject cannot speak and is incapable of using any Charisma-based skills or abilities.


Alexander Sommer wrote:

Acid Slash

Reverse Cavity

After we saw what he did with "Colon Spray" do you REALLY want to see Reverse Cavity?!

I guess the sickened condition will be somehow involved... and maybe an effect on creatures "swallowed whole"...


Let's see what the APG has to offer. Here's a few:

Absorbing Couch
Bomber's Eve (spell focus: A mustached mask)
Contagious Blame (as continual blame but it's catching)
Pool's Forbiddance (closed due to wizards)
Gravity Cow (summons a cow a hundred feet above the target)
Oats of Peace and Sacrificial Oats
Wally Point (there he is!)
Pest Eternal
Stab the Hand
Scone Call
Cake of Light


Wall of Farce?
Mage's Disfunction?
Tiny Hat?
Pope Trick?
Mange Armor?
Defect Evil?

Scarab Sages

morphail wrote:
After we saw what he did with "Colon Spray" do you REALLY want to see Reverse Cavity?!

I figured Reverse Cavity would be the opposite of Create Pit

Dark Archive

Ironicdisaster wrote:
Defect Evil?

Defect Magic sounds like a fun dispel magic / counterspell option that makes the countered magical effect go wild or do something unpredictable.

Deject Evil would make the evil target feel really bad. :)

Scarab Sages

Seek Invisibility- Call's up a bloodhound that leads you to invisible objects.


Firebale is the best way to defeat a Straw Man Argument, Mireball is pretty much the 'create swamp' spell, and Sireball violently pulls together all men of rank in a (caster lvl X 100) ft. radius, which can do some good damage, but tends to leave a dogpile of irritated nobility, staring at the guy in the robes, mutually calling for their felony quills.


really nice spells, I like the fun things that are still useful.

Personally I would change the goat sounds to save for move or free action. But when you compare it to sleep or the high-end lvl 1 spells, then it should be fair.

On another note, defining the spells for other classes would be even better.

All in all, really nice job, I'll check out the website you gave later today.


I made this a long time ago.
Explosive Ruins
It can only be placed on anchient, damaged or abandoned walls or even rubble. It otherwise functions as Explosive Runes.
It's too bad the source spell went away, Spiritual Ham was so funny.
Magic Muscle
Material component spinach. Makes your fists +1 magic weapons. Power and arm swealling lastes for 1 round per level.


Create Food & Cater
School Conjuration; Level sorcerer/wizard 5
Casting Time 1 round
Components V, S, M (A silver spoon, a piece of fruit, a crust of pastry, a sprinkle of sugar, 5ccs of Mouse Blood, a raw egg)
Range medium (100 ft. + 10 ft. / level)
Effect One social event
Duration 1 hour / level
Saving Throw None; Spell Resistance no

[i]Created by Sandalfor Tuvacados, the gnomish Dean of Conjuration, as an illustration for just what awesome power is capable for a more experienced thaumaturge and as an example for the contest. All alumni and faculty were invited to attend the celebration for nine finalists and test out this smart new spell.[/i}

This spell conjures tables, chairs, a transparent prismatic orchestral set, silver service, lush hors d'ouvres, sparkling wine and cider, small beer, roast meat in three varieties (pork, beef, and fish), soup, salads, a fresh fruit sorbet, small chocolate pastries under a delicate caramelized truffle sauce, an after dessert cheese platter, servings of hot Chelaxian Coffee, an ice sculpture, an extra-dimensional dancing floor capable of holding up to 10 medium sized creatures per caster level, linens, a levitating mirrored ball, and a veritable army of unseen servants set to carry trays, wash linens, lift stains, scrub, serve, sweep, play instruments with some modicum of skill, and generally attend to all the functions required. The servers of course are quite skilled in ballet service, but no one can see them.
The food created is of excellent quality, and quantity enough to fully nauseate up to ten medium sized creatures for three hours through over-indulgence. Anything removed from the range of the spell winks out of existence except food, and drink, which lasts for 24 hours. Which did lead to a few mishaps when doggy-bags provided proved less than useful for off-campus visitors.

Scarab Sages

Tone to Flesh

School Transmutation; Level sorcerer/wizard 0, witch 0
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (extract of aloe vera)
Range Touch
Target one creature
Duration instantaneous
Saving Throw Fortitude negates (harmless); see text; Spell Resistance yes

The study of magic, and the requirements of extended dungeon delving preclude extended periods in the sunlight. This simple spell was created make up for the lack.

This spell causes the targets skin to become tanned as if they have spent 8 hours in direct sunlight.

This spell has no effect on creatures with vulnerability to sunlight.


Colon Spray. Ha!

Dark Archive

A few old ideas;

Day of Frost

School evocation [cold]; Level druid 3, sorcerer/wizard 3, witch 3
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a patch of fur from an arctic animal)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Target one living creature
Duration 24 hours
Saving Throw Fort special (see text); Spell Resistance yes

You curse another to suffer the effects of severe cold weather conditions (or the current cold weather conditions, whichever are most damaging) for one day (see PFRPG p. 442 for details). If the target succeeds at the initial Fortitude save, they instead suffer the effects of cold weather (or more extreme conditions, if applicable) for the duration of the spell.

.

Scorching Day

School evocation [fire]; Level druid 3, sorcerer/wizard 3
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a patch of scales from a desert animal)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Target one living creature
Duration 24 hours
Saving Throw Fort special (see text); Spell Resistance yes

You curse another to suffer the effects of severe heat conditions (or the current heat conditions, whichever are most damaging) for one day (see PFRPG p. 444 for details). If the target succeeds at the initial Fortitude save, they instead suffer the effects of very hot conditions (or more extreme conditions, if applicable) for the duration of the spell.

.

Day of Enfeeblement

School necromancy; Level sorcerer/wizard 2, witch 2
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, M (a hair from the head of someone who died of old age)
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft. / 2 levels)
Effect ray
Duration 24 hours or special
Saving Throw Fortitude half; Spell Resistance yes

This spell functions as ray of enfeeblement, save for the 24 hour duration. The effect also ends if the subject spends eight hours resting, or has equivalent rest through some other means (such as 2 hours rest while wearing a ring of sustenance) or receives the benefit of any effect that removes the fatigued condition, such as a restoration spell.

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