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All of my posts are intended to piss people off.
And get their clothes off.
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No they're not, please don't get upset.
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Does anyone know how close we are to the 2,000 posts NH wanted?
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Please don't be offended by that either.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies, and a high school girls' track team? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning little runts, while the high school girls' track team is a bunch of running little [censored].
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The above post was censored to avoid offending anyone.
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What did the zombie girl say to the zombie boy? Are you gonna kiss me, or rot?
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No offense intended to any zombies.
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What do you call a waterfowl that steals? A Robber Duck.
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No offense intended towards any ducks, waterfowls, robbers, stealers, bathtoys, or anyone/anything else.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.
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No offense intended towards donkeys, onion, mules, asses, leeks, tears, eyes, or any other possibility.
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gran rey de los everything wrote: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, AMERICA!! SUCK IT, ENGLAND! Enjoy your harbour full of salty tea, missing letter U and hippo ivory false teeth-themed celebrations, Alternative Canadians ;)
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The Lone Ranger woke up to find his tent had been blown away in a windstorm. He turned to his companion and said "Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore."
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No offense intended to Texans, Rangers, Texas Rangers, Native Americans, tents, wigwams, tepees, campers, windstorms, or anyone else.
What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch, and a voyeur watches your snatch.
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Oh, for f#**'s sake. I quit.
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Limeylongears wrote: gran rey de los everything wrote: HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, AMERICA!! SUCK IT, ENGLAND! Enjoy your harbour full of salty tea, missing letter U and hippo ivory false teeth-themed celebrations, Alternative Canadians ;) Tea sucks, 'U's are unnecessary, and what? And 'Alternative Canadians' sounds like we're a Canuck band from the '90s.
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I adopted two dogs from the shelter recently. I've named them Timex and Rolex. After all, they are watch dogs.
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Jokes are like sex. They're not good if you aren't getting it.
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A man was walking down the street with a large pole in his hand. Someone stopped him and said "Hey, are you pole vaulter?" The man said "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"
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A man was dining in a restaurant, and flagged down the waiter. He said "Waiter, there is a bee in my soup!" The waiter looked at the man and said "Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"
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And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But, John came fifth and received a toaster.
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The other night my wife and I played strip poker. She stripped, I poked her.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your pockets, I think the keys are there.
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Why do milking stools have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
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You should never hit a man with glasses. Use a baseball bat instead.
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Dolphins never make mistakes. They do everything on porpoise.
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There are 2 cats. The first is called The One Two Three Cat, and the second is called The Un Deux Trois Cat. The race to see which can swim across the English Channel faster. Which cat won? The One Two Three Cat, of course. The Un Deux Trois Cat cinq.
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I just bought a cured ham. I wonder what it had?
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I now have a second job. I'm my wife's sexual adviser. I know this because yesterday she said "If I need your f%~*ing advice, I'll ask for it!".
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Does anyone know how close we are to the 2,000 posts NH wanted? NH said that in Post # 162632, so the two thousandth post is 164632. And at 50 posts per page, it will be on page 3293, approximately.
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Minions! Post!! We need this thread to swell with excitement! To become engorged with the joy we bring! To be hardened against complacency and thrust forward into the screaming pleasure of the future!! AND OTHER SUCH THINGS!!!
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Don't look at me, Gran Rey's the one with the prolific sense of humor. Unless someone can make Freehold go on an extended anti-math rant for about 20 pages or so.
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Perhaps we can get him to make several hundreds posts on the topic of Y-Wings?
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Or bonchon? That was a thing he liked, right?
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Or why New York City has the best possums?
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'MURICA!! HOOOOOO!!!!!!!
*stomps around, waving flag attached to a 2x4, giving the tumbs-up to everyone*
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YAAR! Or mebbe we could be gettin' ol' Cap'n Yesterday to be makin' a post or two as each o' his aliaseseseses?
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Or everyone could post about how cute we is!!
*2d4 ⇒ (2, 1) = 3 Slaadlings give everyone puppy dog eyes*
*most people are probably freaked out by being handed eyeballs plucked from puppies*
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Maybe we should cut Cap some slack. He's got a sick kid.
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Mronk!
*trips over nothing*
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John Napier 698 wrote: Maybe we should cut Cap some slack. He's got a sick kid. No slack! All must post!!
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Sigh. You know the drill.
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