My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
That poor poor woman.
The other day my 6 year old son asked me "Dad, what are condoms used for?"
I said "To avoid uncomfortable moments like these."
Ah yes the age old tradition of passing on the words of our father.
I was going to go to med school, but failed the entrance exam because of nerves.
The correct answer was the circulatory system.
I'm still not sure if being nekkid was a help or a hindrance.
It does stream line some of the physical exam parts. now cough..
Ever since it started raining three hours ago, my wife has been standing there staring blankly through the living room window. I suppose eventually I'll have to let her in.
Maybe also prepare to run.
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So, this may offend some, but it tickles the living carp of of me.
** spoiler omitted **
Face it, NH, you are the villain of the story.
No that's DOOM.
Reasons for gaps on a resume.
Florida is seriously f&+%ed up
Self actualization
Personal reflection
Florida is f%*!ed up
Caring for a family member
Killing f!%~ers on Xbox
Supporting your wife/girlfriend's career
Delusions of academic success
I mean, come on, have you ever been to Florida.
"Working on the novel, no it's not finished yet."
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Reasons for gaps on a resume.
Florida is seriously f#%%ed up
Self actualization
Personal reflection
Florida is f+@~ed up
Caring for a family member
Killing f%&~ers on Xbox
Supporting your wife/girlfriend's career
Delusions of academic success
I mean, come on, have you ever been to Florida.Black Ops. Not the video game, but CIA stuff. Did I say CIA? No. Definitely not. You must have misheard me. I never worked for the CIA. *wink* No, I did not just wink. *wink wink* Why are you staring at my eye like that? I have never winked at someone in my entire life. *cough*need to know *cough* Sorry, it's kind of dusty in here. Reminds me of Afghanist---hounds. Afghan hounds. My uncle had one and your office smells like it. In a good(?) way.
I'll see myself out.
"I could tell you what I was doing during the gaps in my resume, but then I would be legally obligated to kill you."
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I was going to go to med school, but failed the entrance exam because of nerves.
The correct answer was the circulatory system.
I'm still not sure if being nekkid was a help or a hindrance.
Naked circulatory system would end badly, you would bleed everywhere.
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Callback got. Interview tomorrow at 1. Yaaaaaaaaaay!!
F* YEAH GO ORTHOS!
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I've been on furlough for a month and a half. Today, I've accepted a new position with PF Chang's tech team. One more week of unemployment, then I should be in for training at the new office. Sad to leave a good team behind, but I have no idea what team will be left when the furlough ends.
It hurts your very soul when you're almost 40 and even fast food joints are rejecting you for jobs.I've been rejected by every fast food place except McDonald's, and I spent my two months there primarily being sexually harassed.Holy cow WTF. Lawsuit man.
Fast food I think just doesn't like hiring older people in general if that makes you two feel better?
If I sue them then I have to sue every place I've worked except for my current job.
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If I sue them then I have to sue every place I've worked except for my current job.It hurts your very soul when you're almost 40 and even fast food joints are rejecting you for jobs.I've been rejected by every fast food place except McDonald's, and I spent my two months there primarily being sexually harassed.Holy cow WTF. Lawsuit man.
Fast food I think just doesn't like hiring older people in general if that makes you two feel better?
I don't know If that says something about the place you live, The nation as a whole, (probably this one) the fast food industry, or if you are just completely irresistible.
I don't know If that says something about the place you live, The nation as a whole, (probably this one) the fast food industry, or if you are just completely irresistible.If I sue them then I have to sue every place I've worked except for my current job.It hurts your very soul when you're almost 40 and even fast food joints are rejecting you for jobs.I've been rejected by every fast food place except McDonald's, and I spent my two months there primarily being sexually harassed.Holy cow WTF. Lawsuit man.
Fast food I think just doesn't like hiring older people in general if that makes you two feel better?
I've only worked at two fast food places (I was also, for a brief time, a sandwich artiste).
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I like to think of myself as a sandwhich artist... ok maybe not but I can make mean sammich.
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There must be a more pretentious word for 'sandwich' that could be used...
'Greetingues. I am Gerald, your meal-ette auteur'
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But all this is on top of some severe depression setting in, and my daughter teething, which are horrible things to happen at the same time.** spoiler omitted **
Congratulations! You are a 100% normal parent. I don't know of any parent who didn't feel like that, so don't feel guilty about it.
I've been on furlough for a month and a half. Today, I've accepted a new position with PF Chang's tech team. One more week of unemployment, then I should be in for training at the new office. Sad to leave a good team behind, but I have no idea what team will be left when the furlough ends.
And if I'm remembering your situation right...new house payments...
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It's one of those days where no one listens to a f@~&ing word I say.
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Morning, all. What did I miss?
Um... you're to be the Secretary of State?
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Morning, all. What did I miss?Um... you're to be the Secretary of State?
“Who’s next on the list?”
“Uh... we have run out of people with actual foreign policy experience. The next person on the list is Celestial Healer.”
“Hired!”
Nerves are kicking in.
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I picked up a beautiful couch (I think it looks Victorian, probably a replica, home-reupholstered by the gal I got it from) super cheap on the FB version of Craigslist this weekend, but WW won't let us sit on it yet, because apparently he thinks you can get Covid through your backside.
It's the first piece of furniture that I've chosen for myself, instead of getting as a hand-me-down.
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WW won't let us sit on it yet, because apparently he thinks you can get Covid through your backside.
Spray it down with some Lysol, leave to air out (preferably in sunlight from a window or glass door) for an hour or two. 99% of the virus will be gone if there's any there to begin with.
Problem solved. =)
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Nerves are kicking in.
Dont be nervous. You got this.
If push comes to shove, show them a picture of Scint in the interview. Their hearts will melt.
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Me: "Clean your stuff off the breakfast table."
Hermione: "But this is supposed to be the WEEKEND!"
Me: "It's Tuesday."
Hermione: "SO?!?"
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WW won't let us sit on it yet, because apparently he thinks you can get Covid through your backside.Spray it down with some Lysol, leave to air out (preferably in sunlight from a window or glass door) for an hour or two. 99% of the virus will be gone if there's any there to begin with.
Problem solved. =)
So...what Orthos said...but additionally just tell him not to touch the couch and then his "backside" and he won't have a problem.
I'm almost certain that's how it works.
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On Friday I forgot the GoPro on the bench and the other Jesus looking guy put it somewhere safe by the tree equipment. So the boss and co-worker both gave me a ton of crap about it.
This week I make sure it's behind the seat every day while co-worker and the boss go over the plan for the day and then when we get about halfway to the job, just as he's reading his phone, I ask co-worker "So, you grabbed the camera, right?".
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WW won't let us sit on it yet, because apparently he thinks you can get Covid through your backside.Spray it down with some Lysol, leave to air out (preferably in sunlight from a window or glass door) for an hour or two. 99% of the virus will be gone if there's any there to begin with.
Problem solved. =)
So...what Orthos said...but additionally just tell him not to touch the couch and then his "backside" and he won't have a problem.
I'm almost certain that's how it works.
Or better yet, just shrug your shoulders and say "That's fine, more couch f%*$ing for me!".
This might be why I wasn't hired at the furniture store.
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** spoiler omitted **Morning, all. What did I miss?Um... you're to be the Secretary of State?
Hmm. On further reflection, I feel like taking the job now would be a rip-off.
The only good part about being Secretary of State would be the fancy dinners, and I bet nobody is having them anymore because of COVID. If I don’t get to sample caviar with Angela Merkel and Emmanuel Macron, what’s the point?
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Back from interview (or rather, have been for several hours). I think it went well. Should know later this week a yes/no on new job, and if yes I'll probably start next Monday.
It's gonna be an early one. Job's in Topeka which is 40-50 minutes away by highway, and hours are 6/6:30-3.
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New Guy: So, what do you do around here?
Me: Everything
New Guy: No! Shut up!! Hey, boss, what does he do around here?
The Boss: Everything!
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;) Me too freehold shhh shhh. (curly fires are good.)>_>
<_<But I like Arby's
I also like the Arby's, including the roast beef. Also, the orange creamsicle shakes are back right now.
Black Ops. Not the video game, but CIA stuff. Did I say CIA? No. Definitely not. You must have misheard me. I never worked for the CIA. *wink* No, I did not just wink. *wink wink* Why are you staring at my eye like that? I have never winked at someone in my entire life. *cough*need to know *cough* Sorry, it's kind of dusty in here. Reminds me of Afghanist---hounds. Afghan hounds. My uncle had one and your office smells like it. In a good(?) way.
I'll see myself out.
I only stared at goats.
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;) Me too freehold shhh shhh. (curly fires are good.)>_>
<_<But I like Arby's
I also like the Arby's, including the roast beef. Also, the orange creamsicle shakes are back right now.
I only stared at goats.Black Ops. Not the video game, but CIA stuff. Did I say CIA? No. Definitely not. You must have misheard me. I never worked for the CIA. *wink* No, I did not just wink. *wink wink* Why are you staring at my eye like that? I have never winked at someone in my entire life. *cough*need to know *cough* Sorry, it's kind of dusty in here. Reminds me of Afghanist---hounds. Afghan hounds. My uncle had one and your office smells like it. In a good(?) way.
I'll see myself out.
Fantastic movie.
Night John.
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Back from interview (or rather, have been for several hours). I think it went well. Should know later this week a yes/no on new job, and if yes I'll probably start next Monday.
It's gonna be an early one. Job's in Topeka which is 40-50 minutes away by highway, and hours are 6/6:30-3.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you!