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gran rey de los mono wrote:

Man: "Doctor, all 5 of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"

Doctor: "That's the worst case of parking son's that I've ever heard of!"

This joke shakes me up.


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~facepalm~ NOT THAT WAY!!!


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The Haitian Revolution - The Slave Society - Extra History - #1


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lisamarlene wrote:

You ever have one of those moments when you've trying to get your kid interested in one of your favorite games, so you help them on their turns to show them the theory and how to maximize their play, all the while pulling your punches on your own turn, and they end up deciding you're completely hopeless at this thing you love, this thing you've been waiting for them to be old enough to understand?

My son quit our Scrabble game because "It's too easy to beat you, Mama."
The irony of this is sickening.

That sounded like a challenge...

With kiddie gloves off!


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Sharoth wrote:
The Haitian Revolution - The Slave Society - Extra History - #1

How do you ensure slave revolt success?

Send Poles to quench it.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

The lengths a teenager will go through just to not do something that will help them, because you -the adult- said they should, are amazing.


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captain yesterday wrote:
The lengths a teenager will go through just to not do something that will help them, because you -the adult- said they should, are amazing.

While I hate to revel in another's misery, that's *SO* hilarious because it's utterly, stereotypically, "Every teenager ever born," and yet I have a fairly large group of teens who actually come to me for advice and follow it.

Yes, Fish Pants Man is the Ward Cleaver of Albany.

What's hilarious is that I don't do a heck of a lot:
- I listen to them and talk to them like capable, conscious adults, and discuss actions and possible consequences rather than, "You shouldn't do that because I said so."
- If they're here, I leave them alone. I don't try to join in or get involved in their activities, because their activities are theirs, not mine.
- I don't try to learn their slang, dress in their fashions, or otherwise act like them. I just exist.

So I get to listen to them laughing uproariously about trolling another dad. He SO wants to be hip that they're teaching him utterly inappropriate slang and fashion, and giggling maniacally when he tries to follow along. (Apparently their latest effort was to teach him that "Cowabunga!" was the latest teen thing, and they managed to get him to say it enthusiastically about something and they all just about died.)

But yeah, while chaperoning with kids who don't know me, I've learned that:

(1) Middle school kids suck. They take joy in rebelling for the sake of rebelling, and won't listen to anything you tell them, even if it's, "Don't drink from the stream. There's a parasite called Giardia that's prevalent in the waters around here, and it'll give you massive stomach cramps and diarrhea."
"Eff you, Gramps!" (slurp slurp slurp)

(2) Most high school kids grow out of it by the time they're sophomores. A few don't, but their peers usually give them crap about it.

Anyway, good luck!

EDIT: And yes, I found it hilarious when I was in the room playing Age of Mythology so they thought I wasn't listening as they started talking about which dads were cool and which dads sucked. And they all agreed that *I* was the coolest dad. While I was sitting there in flying pig pants and a Summoner Con sweatshirt.


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Ah, the wonders of what you cook with (courtesy of GothBard):

Most pans: Eew! Someone cooked something in this pan last night and left it out! Gross! (Puts it in the sink to soak with extra soap.)

Cast-iron pans: OOh! Someone cooked something in this pan last night and left it out! I wonder if it's tasty! Maybe I should cook up some eggs in it and find out!


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Oh, I'm definitely considered the cool dad.

Nothing big, just common sense "this will make you feel better" type stuff.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

I have long hair, listen to hip hop and punk, and can shave an angry bear with a skid loader, it doesn't get any cooler as a parent then that.

Although, I will admit not wearing MC Hammer fish pants IS probably setting me back a bit.

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber

Rebellion is for all ages.
A friend posted on facebook that he told his 6 year old daughter that she'd have to take a shower after she'd finished eating her apple.

Slowest apple eating ever...


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captain yesterday wrote:

Oh, I'm definitely considered the cool dad.

Nothing big, just common sense "this will make you feel better" type stuff.

Oh, yeah. THAT kind of advice NEVER works! ;-P


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Well, as an obsessive-compulsive, I "dodged a bullet" that will probably make everyone else laugh out loud.

I'm clearing paperwork from my desk, and I found what I thought was last year's jury summons. Turns out it was this year's, and I was supposed to report on Tuesday the 15th.

Being lawful, I immediately signed in to the site to report my malfeasance and try to reschedule to do my duty.

Instead, I got a notice, "No jurors are required today. Congratulations! You have finished your jury duty for 12 months!"

Er... thanks?


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A little bit behind, but still funny!

New vs Original Star Wars Fan Showdown – May the 4th Be with You


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NobodysHome wrote:

Ah, the wonders of what you cook with (courtesy of GothBard):

Most pans: Eew! Someone cooked something in this pan last night and left it out! Gross! (Puts it in the sink to soak with extra soap.)

Cast-iron pans: OOh! Someone cooked something in this pan last night and left it out! I wonder if it's tasty! Maybe I should cook up some eggs in it and find out!

Mrs Sunrise got a cast iron pan for Yule, and she's psyched to use it for the first time tonight.

For steak.

I'm psyched too.


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NPC: Herald Of Misfortune, Lord High Gremlin, Gbun Shpox


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Bleargh. I went to church, tried to sing with the choir, realized I was still sick (nothing tells you "nope! not better yet! like trying to sing), went home. Am prepping for this afternoon's game while I wait to go pick up Hermione. Trying not to be grumpy.

I've decided the problem is that my body needs comfort food, so I'm making gołabki.


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Planning Lunch for Game Day:

Impus Minor: I've liked every place we've eaten except School Lunch Place.
GothBard: School lunch place?
NobodysHome: You mean Boston Market?
Impus Minor: Yeah, that place!

Now I want to write them a three-word, two-star review: "School lunch place."


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
NobodysHome wrote:

Planning Lunch for Game Day:

Impus Minor: I've liked every place we've eaten except School Lunch Place.
GothBard: School lunch place?
NobodysHome: You mean Boston Market?
Impus Minor: Yeah, that place!

Now I want to write them a three-word, two-star review: "School lunch place."

We went to Boston Market in Seattle, once.

We didn't order anything because the General said "I'm not paying for cafeteria food".


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...what kind of cafeterias are you guys eating at?


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Last night we went to an Applebee's with the strangest men's room I've ever seen.

The room's only urinal was directly in front of its only non-handicap stall, with no modesty panel between them, so that a guy exiting the stall will get a full profile view of any guy using the urinal.


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captain yesterday wrote:

I have long hair, listen to hip hop and punk, and can shave an angry bear with a skid loader, it doesn't get any cooler as a parent then that.

Although, I will admit not wearing MC Hammer fish pants IS probably setting me back a bit.

I tell you what, why does NobodysHome not have chef trousers with MC Hammer's face printed all over them already?!

I went to see a gig in a library today - it was Jeffrey Lewis, who is always good value. I was trying to work out how many times I've seen him afterwards, and the answer was: lots.


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I once told a joke about a hammer. Totally nailed it.


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I asked a gardener which herbs were snitches. He said "Only thyme will tell."


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Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.


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I rarely put an orange slice into my beer. Maybe once in a Blue Moon.

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I asked a gardener which herbs were snitches. He said "Only thyme will tell."

I ordered a book about cooking with herbs.

Its about f*cking thyme.


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Woran wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I asked a gardener which herbs were snitches. He said "Only thyme will tell."

I ordered a book about cooking with herbs.

Its about f*cking thyme.

Gee, kinda scratchy, innit?


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The good part about having the day off: I finally got caught up on my gaming journal up through last night, and started prepping for the final boss fight of book four next week. Which, for some reason, takes place in a bougie art gallery. After which, hey, in book five we get to go fight a mad lich.
Okay, that's an unfair stereotype. Maybe he's a well-adjusted lich who does hot tub yoga and drinks spirulina and acai smoothies.
Nah. Mad lich all the way.

Meanwhile:
I need help.
WW tells me that, whenever I have an NPC spellcaster, I not only have to roll a concentration check each time the NPC tries to cast in a combat round, I also have to roll to overcome his PC's spell resistance, and I've been faking it by rolling behind my screen all this time because I don't know WTF I'm doing and yesterday I finally got caught lying about it. Or rather, he thinks he caught me lying but can't prove it.

Can someone please explain how I roll against SR? Say, I'm a CL13 Sorcerer casting Lightning Bolt (which I did about three times in yesterday's game.) It's a third level spell (7 a day). I make the concentration check to cast in combat (+17 bonus for concentration). But then the PC has SR19. Now what?

(This is why I never play spellcasters as a PC. Fighters, rogues, etc. all the way. Sometimes being the GM is not fun.)


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About 20 years ago I knew a guy named Nick who was a pro chef, and was working on opening his own restaurant. He was planning on calling it "Nick in Thyme". At least, that's what I heard when he first said it. So I immediately was imagining him swimming naked in a silo full of thyme. I considered this weird imagery for a restaurant.

I then communicated my misgivings, and what the name made me think of.

First, he said, "NO! Nick OF Thyme! 'In the nick of time?' Get it?"

Me: "Well, if you have to explain it like that, then it's probably not a very good name."

He hasn't spoken to me since.


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lisamarlene wrote:

The good part about having the day off: I finally got caught up on my gaming journal up through last night, and started prepping for the final boss fight of book four next week. Which, for some reason, takes place in a bougie art gallery. After which, hey, in book five we get to go fight a mad lich.

Okay, that's an unfair stereotype. Maybe he's a well-adjusted lich who does hot tub yoga and drinks spirulina and acai smoothies.
Nah. Mad lich all the way.

Meanwhile:
I need help.
WW tells me that, whenever I have an NPC spellcaster, I not only have to roll a concentration check each time the NPC tries to cast in a combat round, I also have to roll to overcome his PC's spell resistance, and I've been faking it by rolling behind my screen all this time because I don't know WTF I'm doing and yesterday I finally got caught lying about it. Or rather, he thinks he caught me lying but can't prove it.

Can someone please explain how I roll against SR? Say, I'm a CL13 Sorcerer casting Lightning Bolt (which I did about three times in yesterday's game.) It's a third level spell (7 a day). I make the concentration check to cast in combat (+17 bonus for concentration). But then the PC has SR19. Now what?

(This is why I never play spellcasters as a PC. Fighters, rogues, etc. all the way. Sometimes being the GM is not fun.)

PM coming - I'll be writing it as I have time between disasters.


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Einstein once wrote a book about space. It was about time, too.


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Vanykrye wrote:

About 20 years ago I knew a guy named Nick who was a pro chef, and was working on opening his own restaurant. He was planning on calling it "Nick in Thyme". At least, that's what I heard when he first said it. So I immediately was imagining him swimming naked in a silo full of thyme. I considered this weird imagery for a restaurant.

I then communicated my misgivings, and what the name made me think of.

First, he said, "NO! Nick OF Thyme! 'In the nick of time?' Get it?"

Me: "Well, if you have to explain it like that, then it's probably not a very good name."

He hasn't spoken to me since.

'Nick of Thyme' sounds like a crusty bard who lives in the woods and will suddenly appear, playing a wooden whistle, when you need either a Life Lesson in how magical and wonderful this world can be if we look at it through the innocent eyes of a child, or a skin disease.


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Limeylongears wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:

About 20 years ago I knew a guy named Nick who was a pro chef, and was working on opening his own restaurant. He was planning on calling it "Nick in Thyme". At least, that's what I heard when he first said it. So I immediately was imagining him swimming naked in a silo full of thyme. I considered this weird imagery for a restaurant.

I then communicated my misgivings, and what the name made me think of.

First, he said, "NO! Nick OF Thyme! 'In the nick of time?' Get it?"

Me: "Well, if you have to explain it like that, then it's probably not a very good name."

He hasn't spoken to me since.

'Nick of Thyme' sounds like a crusty bard who lives in the woods and will suddenly appear, playing a wooden whistle, when you need either a Life Lesson in how magical and wonderful this world can be if we look at it through the innocent eyes of a child, or a skin disease.

Wasn't he the drummer for Primus?


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lisamarlene wrote:

...Meanwhile:

I need help.
WW tells me that, whenever I have an NPC spellcaster, I not only have to roll a concentration check each time the NPC tries to cast in a combat round, I also have to roll to overcome his PC's spell resistance, and I've been faking it by rolling behind my screen all this time because I don't know WTF I'm doing and yesterday I finally got caught lying about it. Or rather, he thinks he caught me lying but can't prove it.

Does he have any justification whatsoever for the Concentration check? The shortest-possible answer is, "No, he doesn't, unless something is happening to him."

Reasons for Concentration checks include:
- Casting defensively to avoid attacks of opportunity
- Casting while holding your breath underwater
- Casting while being damaged
So notice that something has to be happening to the caster in order for him to have to make a Concentration check.

Concentration checks are hard, though. Here's the table: Table. Except you have to scroll up to see the table because the anchor is in the wrong place.

In general, for a Concentration check (IF there is one), you roll 1d20 + your caster level + your ability bonus. So a 13th level wizard with an INT of 20 (+5 bonus) who rolled an 8 would get 8 + 13 + 5 = 26.

lisamarlene wrote:
Can someone please explain how I roll against SR? Say, I'm a CL13 Sorcerer casting Lightning Bolt (which I did about three times in yesterday's game.) It's a third level spell (7 a day). I make the concentration check to cast in combat (+17 bonus for concentration). But then the PC has SR19. Now what?[/url]

SR is MUCH easier. It's just what you roll plus your caster level. So he has an SR of 19. You are a 13th-level caster. You roll 1d20. Suppose it's that same pesky 8. You get an 8+13 = 21. Since this is greater than or equal to the SR, the spell affects the target normally.

Now, for my favorite part, and the part WW will NEVER tell you. (And the reason he chose against taking SR in my game.)

SR is either "on" or "off". There is no, "I let my friends' spells affect me, but not my enemies'."

Every single buff Hermione or Teeny Valeros cast? Every heal (even from a wand)? All of those have to overcome his SR. And since wands have really really low caster levels, wands will almost never work on him. Buffs will rarely work on him.

PCs taking SR are almost always a bad idea, because they stop the rest of their party members from helping them.

Bet WW never mentioned that part to you.

And yes, Shiro and I went over it with him in detail multiple times, so don't let him give you that, "Oh, I didn't know THAT," bit. It's the kind of stuff that made me HATE GMing for him. Tell him a rule. Repeat said rule. Have him repeat the rule back to you. The very next week, "Oh, I'd never heard of THAT rule before..."

EDIT: Yes, his players taking SR are indeed a sore spot for me, because we had several arguments about it. The rules are d**ned clear. "A creature with spell resistance must voluntarily lower the resistance (a standard action) in order to be affected by such spells without forcing the caster to make a caster level check."

EDIT 2: And to be 100% clear: His own spells and items aren't affected. Just everyone else's. He can still be affected by channeled energy, but otherwise every single heal spell has to overcome his SR. Good luck with that.

Shadow Lodge

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Well that's just some dirty pool.


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Yeah, and I found out he's also trying to mix DR (stoneskin) into the mix to defend against a lightning bolt. I'm guessing that's another concept that NH and Shiro also covered with him.


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Vanykrye wrote:
Yeah, and I found out he's also trying to mix DR (stoneskin) into the mix to defend against a lightning bolt. I'm guessing that's another concept that NH and Shiro also covered with him.

No; that's just another example of why I complained about GMing for him so much.

EDIT: I'll admit, there's a h*** of a lot of bitterness built in there. His entire m.o. is, "Pester the GM about rule after rule after rule, ruling after ruling after ruling, every single week, every single session, always just before the session starts to make sure the GM is always on his (or her heels). Once you find an area where the GM is uncertain, insist that the rules work to your best advantage, and argue vehemently against any other interpretation, forcing the GM to either:
(1) Stop the game for 15-20 minutes to search for the rule in question, or
(2) Allow it for a moment so that they can follow up later.

And if the GM opts for (2), it's over. The rule is written eternally in stone the way WW wants it to be run.

It really wasn't fun to GM him ever. I did it so lisamarlene could have a game and a social life. Sometimes, you do stuff that isn't fun for the sake of other people.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

He should play 2nd edition.

That way he gets to complain endlessly about how under powered wizards are.


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This forum post is still way too long.


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Vanykrye wrote:
Yeah, and I found out he's also trying to mix DR (stoneskin) into the mix to defend against a lightning bolt. I'm guessing that's another concept that NH and Shiro also covered with him.

(Goes back to Inbox. Reads second message.)

(Lengthy string of expletives redacted, followed by some yoga and a kale and spirulina smoothie.)

(Wait a bit. Nope. Didn't work. Second string of expletives redacted.)


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Jeff Lee wrote:
This forum post is still way too long.

Are you sure about that?


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NobodysHome wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Yeah, and I found out he's also trying to mix DR (stoneskin) into the mix to defend against a lightning bolt. I'm guessing that's another concept that NH and Shiro also covered with him.

No; that's just another example of why I complained about GMing for him so much.

EDIT: I'll admit, there's a h*** of a lot of bitterness built in there. His entire m.o. is, "Pester the GM about rule after rule after rule, ruling after ruling after ruling, every single week, every single session, always just before the session starts to make sure the GM is always on his (or her heels). Once you find an area where the GM is uncertain, insist that the rules work to your best advantage, and argue vehemently against any other interpretation, forcing the GM to either:
(1) Stop the game for 15-20 minutes to search for the rule in question, or
(2) Allow it for a moment so that they can follow up later.

And if the GM opts for (2), it's over. The rule is written eternally in stone the way WW wants it to be run.

It really wasn't fun to GM him ever. I did it so lisamarlene could have a game and a social life. Sometimes, you do stuff that isn't fun for the sake of other people.

True confessions:

Sometimes, when he asks me, "So, can I..." I pretend to look something up on Paizo fora, and then just say "Yeah, this says it doesn't work that way."

Then I look it up later. Usually it turns out that the No was correct (as in yesterday's "Can I bull rush with a greatspear?"). Other times, I just don't care.


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Cap Yesterday, Compulsive FAQer wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
This forum post is still way too long.
Are you sure about that?

Even more so, at this point.


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Jeff Lee wrote:
Cap Yesterday, Compulsive FAQer wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
This forum post is still way too long.
Are you sure about that?
Even more so, at this point.

All it has to do is break and we'll stop posting on it. Quite simple, really.

Which will of course spawn number 7...


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lisamarlene wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Yeah, and I found out he's also trying to mix DR (stoneskin) into the mix to defend against a lightning bolt. I'm guessing that's another concept that NH and Shiro also covered with him.

(Goes back to Inbox. Reads second message.)

(Lengthy string of expletives redacted, followed by some yoga and a kale and spirulina smoothie.)

(Wait a bit. Nope. Didn't work. Second string of expletives redacted.)

My hasty wording and sentence structure is really bothering me on this one. Probably made Scint's eye twitch.


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Jeff Lee wrote:
Cap Yesterday, Compulsive FAQer wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
This forum post is still way too long.
Are you sure about that?
Even more so, at this point.

Is it.


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WHICH TANK FILLS FIRST? - Physics Girl and Simone Giertz


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Captain ? wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
Cap Yesterday, Compulsive FAQer wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
This forum post is still way too long.
Are you sure about that?
Even more so, at this point.
Is it.

More importantly, how does that make you feel about your mother?


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Armchair Psychologist wrote:
Captain ? wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
Cap Yesterday, Compulsive FAQer wrote:
Jeff Lee wrote:
This forum post is still way too long.
Are you sure about that?
Even more so, at this point.
Is it.
More importantly, how does that make you feel about your mother?

Martha!?

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