No kidding! I mean, we've been watching Watership Down with the Homunculi, and Homuculus #1 is loving it. But it's serious shit!
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I had to read it as part of 8th grade English. I loved it and read it through several times. But I would never mistake it for a Disney story, now that I have.
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Heh, Watership Down, the book that's half rabbit mythology and half soul wrenching trauma.
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We had a rabbit farm, it doesn't get any darker than that.
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Bleh, well I was having a nice day until I had a disturbing visit from a friend I havn't seen in awhile followed by a phone call informing me one of my favorite aunts had died.
Thanks universe >_<
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=(
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I am sorry about that, Yuugasa.
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Yeah, well my aunt's death, while terrible, is something I can wrap my mind around but my friend's revelations today have me reeling.
I guess to add some context to her revelation I should explain a little of her history. Basically when she was 12 she told her parents she was gay and was promptly shipped off to some religious rehab center to cure said gayness. She stayed there until she was an adult.
I'm not sure what happened to her there but it left her a Midnight Screamer, you know, those people so traumatized they throw punches and scream when asleep.
First time she did it when staying with me I woke her to see if she was ok, and after she calmed after a bit of tea she told me in a dreamy voice about how the people at the rehab would scare her when she would wake from a dead sleep to find them standing around her bed chanting.
Alright, so far, so Stephen King. Any way she is normally a pretty calm nice person but occasionally something will trigger her and she'll scream and throw punches like a crazy person and it takes a lot to bring her back to herself.
She's been to therapy and takes some psyche meds and last I knew she was doing decently well, though apparently she is missing years from her memory at the rehab and still doesn't know what her triggers are about.
So she called me and said she had something terrible to tell me and today she came over and explained shes been beating on her boyfriend for years. Being the sweet Micheal Clark Duncan looking dude he is he doesn't hit her back and apparently two weeks ago she beat him so badly she called the police on herself, although apparently they got confused when they got there and the white lady had no mark on her while the black boyfriend was bloody and trashed and so they did the only rational thing to do and arrested the boyfriend even though she was still saying she beat him without provocation.
So she drops this story on me and has a kind of what should I do? Vibe happening, I told her she should definitely seek help, like more help, but she is fearful given the "Rehab" help she was once given.
We talked alot more and I'm seeing her again in the next few days but man, I dunno, what do you even say or do in a situation like this?
Such a freaking mess.
P.S. the boyfriend was not charged and was immediately released at the station but still....sheesh.
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Horrible and complicated psychological trauma.
I have nothing in my life experience that I can compare with to give you a nugget of experience. But I know a guy...and he has.
It might be a little bit before I can get ahold of him, and I honestly don't know if he'll be able to give any information/help without having his own experiences overwhelm him. I'll see if he's willing to talk.
But my otherwise inexperienced opinion:
You know damn well that's not anything resembling rehab or therapy. That's an abomination and the people running that horror show need to be in prison. It's torture. Nothing less.
The issue is convincing her that it won't be repeated. She's got every reason to be skeptical with what she went through in the name of therapy for a non-existent "condition".
There are counselors out there that specialize in recovery from "conversion therapy". There's also counselors who help the loved ones of the victim. I have no idea what kind of cost is involved, but there are likely ways to soften the financial issue. Local social workers would/should have more specifics.
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And I didn't mean to skip over your aunt's death. For that I apologize, and offer my sympathies.
Family deaths are never easy, in and of themselves. Couple it with a friend in genuine need of help and it can be easy to feel overwhelmed.
It's all good, I myself often mentally parse different issues into sections so I can deal with them one at a time.
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A lot of what's on my mind now is exactly what to tell her. My first instinct is "seek professional help nowish, honey, as soon as you can."
But she seems disinclined at least for the moment, and I understand. It's rough though cause she has apparently been hurting someone in her episodes and I don't want that to happen or for her to go to jail.
It seems clear to me she has suffered some form of abuse and that she doesn't mean to beat on her boyfriend but she is and it needs to stop. I'm just not sure I can really help her beyond telling her to seek professional treatment and trying to ease her into that.
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Honestly I feel such disgust when I see what the world can do to such an otherwise kind and gentle person, what happened to her to sear her mind in such a way?
To be clear I'm not disgusted by her in anyway, just at the people who made it so she felt she had to throw a frenzy of punches just to survive and defend herself.
I want to do right by her but the situation feels so messy and unclear I honestly don't know what to do beyond what I'm already trying to do.
In better news I found The Rage by Richard Lee Byers on Audible and am downloading it, time to relax to a good book!
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Main character gets bit in half by a dragon in the first five minutes, then rebuilt as a half iron golem dragon hunting cyborg. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss, your character concept is approved mister Byers!
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I'm sorry to hear that Yuugasa. I think that there is very little you can do, other then help and pressure her gently to seek aid. Special help like Vanykrye said, or PTSD counceling like John said.
Its one of those cases where trying to help her yourself could be dangerous. But doing some of the work for her, finding out if those services are are available, and ask her if you can contact them on her behalf, might help her a lot.
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I can only second what everyone has already said. My condolences for your loss and I hope you can help your friend find real help and let her start recovering from the torture she's been put through.
Also f!@! those racist and sexist cops while we're at it.
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Yuugasa. My God. That is a lot on your plate. My vote is a third or fourth for PTSD. I hope your friend is able to get REAL help, not the monstrous nonsense that was foisted on her earlier in life.
And, yeah, F+#* those cops. That is f!@!ing bullshit.
I can only second what everyone has already said. My condolences for your loss and I hope you can help your friend find real help and let her start recovering from the torture she's been put through.
Also f%~& those racist and sexist cops while we're at it.
Hard to say in this particular case - they were called by a woman to domestic abuse... It might had been hard for them to process that the caller was the abuser, not the abused, as it is definitely less common situation.
It certainly wouldn't be the first time when they are called to domestic abuse by victim and the caller herself tried to back out from taking the decisive steps and trying to mollify situation by taking blame for the incident.
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No kidding! I mean, we've been watching Watership Down with the Homunculi, and Homuculus #1 is loving it. But it's serious s&!#!
scared you out of your clothes.
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I can only second what everyone has already said. My condolences for your loss and I hope you can help your friend find real help and let her start recovering from the torture she's been put through.
Also f%~& those racist and sexist cops while we're at it.
Hard to say in this particular case - they were called by a woman to domestic abuse... It might had been hard for them to process that the caller was the abuser, not the abused, as it is definitely less common situation.
It certainly wouldn't be the first time when they are called to domestic abuse by victim and the caller herself tried to back out from taking the decisive steps and trying to mollify situation by taking blame for the incident.
Yeah I think they were genuinely confused, I wasn't there but it sounds like it was a classic case of "I don't understand what's happening, thank god there is a black guy here to arrest."
Though never underestimate the power of the pretty girl, I like the idea of calling the police and confessing to a crime then when they get there being like "Yeah, I just macramed his face with zero provocation." and the cops are like "Sorry, but no mam, that is literally impossible, you are far too pretty and white."
If I ever put together a bank robbin crew at least I'll know who to recruit.
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Recruit Karen. She'll demand to speak to the police's manager, so they can't arrest her.
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I can only second what everyone has already said. My condolences for your loss and I hope you can help your friend find real help and let her start recovering from the torture she's been put through.
Also f%~& those racist and sexist cops while we're at it.
Hard to say in this particular case - they were called by a woman to domestic abuse... It might had been hard for them to process that the caller was the abuser, not the abused, as it is definitely less common situation.
It certainly wouldn't be the first time when they are called to domestic abuse by victim and the caller herself tried to back out from taking the decisive steps and trying to mollify situation by taking blame for the incident.
Yeah I think they were genuinely confused, I wasn't there but it sounds like it was a classic case of "I don't understand what's happening, thank god there is a black guy here to arrest."
Though never underestimate the power of the pretty girl, I like the idea of calling the police and confessing to a crime then when they get there being like "Yeah, I just macramed his face with zero provocation." and the cops are like "Sorry, but no mam, that is literally impossible, you are far too pretty and white."
If I ever put together a bank robbin crew at least I'll know who to recruit.
Yup.
Recruit Karen. She'll demand to speak to the police's manager, so they can't arrest her.
scint, your alignment seems to be in flux.
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Recruit Karen. She'll demand to speak to the police's manager, so they can't arrest her.scint, your alignment seems to be in flux.
Lawful sarcastic?
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Awww, kid thought I wouldn't notice the punctuation being two sizes bigger than the rest of the font! That's cute.
It's like they forget that I had to write papers in college and know these tricks.
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Two things that consistently amaze me:
(1) Teenagers forget that adults were once teenagers.
(2) Adults forget that they were once teenagers.
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I can only second what everyone has already said. My condolences for your loss and I hope you can help your friend find real help and let her start recovering from the torture she's been put through.
Also f%~& those racist and sexist cops while we're at it.
Hard to say in this particular case - they were called by a woman to domestic abuse... It might had been hard for them to process that the caller was the abuser, not the abused, as it is definitely less common situation.
It certainly wouldn't be the first time when they are called to domestic abuse by victim and the caller herself tried to back out from taking the decisive steps and trying to mollify situation by taking blame for the incident.
Yeah I think they were genuinely confused, I wasn't there but it sounds like it was a classic case of "I don't understand what's happening, thank god there is a black guy here to arrest."
Though never underestimate the power of the pretty girl, I like the idea of calling the police and confessing to a crime then when they get there being like "Yeah, I just macramed his face with zero provocation." and the cops are like "Sorry, but no mam, that is literally impossible, you are far too pretty and white."
If I ever put together a bank robbin crew at least I'll know who to recruit.
This.
She confessed to their faces, and she's the one uninjured while he's visibly beaten and bruised. The ONLY reason to arrest him instead of her is prejudice. End of line.
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Though never underestimate the power of the pretty girl, I like the idea of calling the police and confessing to a crime then when they get there being like "Yeah, I just macramed his face with zero provocation." and the cops are like "Sorry, but no mam, that is literally impossible, you are far too pretty and white."If I ever put together a bank robbin crew at least I'll know who to recruit.
This.
She confessed to their faces, and she's the one uninjured while he's visibly beaten and bruised. The ONLY reason to arrest him instead of her is prejudice. End of line.
While I want to whole-heartedly agree with you...while I want to say "This is absolutely what happened"...
We weren't there. We don't know how things happened/what was said in the moment. We don't have video of the encounter.
Based on what Yuugasa has said, yeah, it's unfortunately the most likely case. Recent history makes us believe the worst, and frequently with good reason, but let's try not to jump to the "malicious intent" reasons *immediately*.
And Yuugasa - I know you believe your friend, and I'm not trying to say you shouldn't. But you also admit you weren't there. It *could* have been for protective custody reasons, just to get him away from her, and they would not have told her that. Especially when they didn't charge him and released him immediately at the station.
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Two things that consistently amaze me:
(1) Teenagers forget that adults were once teenagers.
(2) Adults forget that they were once teenagers.
Fortunately, my teenage years were awesome, so I remember them like they were yesterday.
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All I know is, that person should not be in a committed live in relationship of any kind.
I say that as someone that spent ten years on the run from an abusive biological father though, so I might be biased.
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What I learned in the last week.
Boobs are everywhere!!
On yard sale signs and even lurking amongst the ferns.
And before you say "Oh, that's Captain Yesterday again, being cray cray!" I have photographic evidence!
What I learned in the last week.
Boobs are everywhere!!
On yard sale signs and even lurking amongst the ferns.
And before you say "Oh, that's Captain Yesterday again, being cray cray!" I have photographic evidence!
they are. I have seen them. Captain Yesterday is doing an AMAZING job selling me on Wisconsin.
Though never underestimate the power of the pretty girl, I like the idea of calling the police and confessing to a crime then when they get there being like "Yeah, I just macramed his face with zero provocation." and the cops are like "Sorry, but no mam, that is literally impossible, you are far too pretty and white."If I ever put together a bank robbin crew at least I'll know who to recruit.
This.
She confessed to their faces, and she's the one uninjured while he's visibly beaten and bruised. The ONLY reason to arrest him instead of her is prejudice. End of line.
While I want to whole-heartedly agree with you...while I want to say "This is absolutely what happened"...
We weren't there. We don't know how things happened/what was said in the moment. We don't have video of the encounter.
Based on what Yuugasa has said, yeah, it's unfortunately the most likely case. Recent history makes us believe the worst, and frequently with good reason, but let's try not to jump to the "malicious intent" reasons *immediately*.
And Yuugasa - I know you believe your friend, and I'm not trying to say you shouldn't. But you also admit you weren't there. It *could* have been for protective custody reasons, just to get him away from her, and they would not have told her that. Especially when they didn't charge him and released him immediately at the station.
I'm fine with that theory, the only issue is why didn't they arrest and charge her? They have a taped confession from when she made the call and multiple police witnesses to her on site confession...so....?
Edit: In the moment she confessed and the obvious visual evidence backed up her confession.
I mean turn the situation around, black dude beats white woman to a pulp then calls the cops on himself and confesses on site...then what happens?
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Though never underestimate the power of the pretty girl, I like the idea of calling the police and confessing to a crime then when they get there being like "Yeah, I just macramed his face with zero provocation." and the cops are like "Sorry, but no mam, that is literally impossible, you are far too pretty and white."If I ever put together a bank robbin crew at least I'll know who to recruit.
This.
She confessed to their faces, and she's the one uninjured while he's visibly beaten and bruised. The ONLY reason to arrest him instead of her is prejudice. End of line.
While I want to whole-heartedly agree with you...while I want to say "This is absolutely what happened"...
We weren't there. We don't know how things happened/what was said in the moment. We don't have video of the encounter.
Based on what Yuugasa has said, yeah, it's unfortunately the most likely case. Recent history makes us believe the worst, and frequently with good reason, but let's try not to jump to the "malicious intent" reasons *immediately*.
And Yuugasa - I know you believe your friend, and I'm not trying to say you shouldn't. But you also admit you weren't there. It *could* have been for protective custody reasons, just to get him away from her, and they would not have told her that. Especially when they didn't charge him and released him immediately at the station.
I'm fine with that theory, the only issue is why didn't they arrest and charge her? They have a taped confession from when she made the call and multiple police witnesses to her on site confession...so....?
Edit: In the moment she confessed and the obvious visual evidence backed up her confession.
I agree it was *probably* sexism/racism, but I'm just saying we weren't there and we don't have all the evidence. Conviction-by-Internet-Mob is not what we should be doing. That's all.
Cops: "We're arresting you Becky, even though you are beat to a pulp, now put on these bracelets and get in the back of the car!"
Cops to black guy: "Sir, I don't know what happened here, even though there isn't a mark on you and you confessed multiple times, have a nice day."
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I agree it was *probably* sexism/racism, but I'm just saying we weren't there and we don't have all the evidence. Conviction-by-Internet-Mob is not what we should be doing. That's all.
Well I'm not convicting, just laughing at the same old, same old, it isn't going to effect the unidentified police that were there. I think I'm allowed to make fun of the situation.
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Stats class is doing a taste-test project to see how many people can tell generics from brand names.
"Oh, please tell me this isn't what I think it is."
"Taste A, then B."
"...ugh, it is what I thought."
"Which is the brand name?"
"I don't know. I've never had Mountain Dew. How do you stand this stuff?"
"Don't worry, Ms. Scint. The chloroform should kick in soon."
I love my kids.
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All I know is, that person should not be in a committed live in relationship of any kind.
I say that as someone that spent ten years on the run from an abusive biological father though, so I might be biased.
Yeah, she is currently a danger to others, she definitely needs to be removed from general society in some capacity till she has healed up quite a bit, I'm just hoping for hospital not prison.
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Well I'm not convicting, just laughing at the same old, same old, it isn't going to effect the unidentified police that were there. I think I'm allowed to make fun of the situation.I agree it was *probably* sexism/racism, but I'm just saying we weren't there and we don't have all the evidence. Conviction-by-Internet-Mob is not what we should be doing. That's all.
I was aiming at all of us with that comment, not specifically you.
Yeah, she is currently a danger to others, she definitely needs to be removed from general society in some capacity till she has healed up quite a bit, I'm just hoping for hospital not prison.All I know is, that person should not be in a committed live in relationship of any kind.
I say that as someone that spent ten years on the run from an abusive biological father though, so I might be biased.
Yeah, she needs help, and prison isn't help.
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Yeah, she needs help, and prison isn't help.Yeah, she is currently a danger to others, she definitely needs to be removed from general society in some capacity till she has healed up quite a bit, I'm just hoping for hospital not prison.All I know is, that person should not be in a committed live in relationship of any kind.
I say that as someone that spent ten years on the run from an abusive biological father though, so I might be biased.
What? For-profit prisons where increasing recidivism is the most-profitable path available? Why wouldn't she get help at such a place?
Oh, oops. Maybe I should have spoilered that a little bit...
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Yeah, she needs help, and prison isn't help.Yeah, she is currently a danger to others, she definitely needs to be removed from general society in some capacity till she has healed up quite a bit, I'm just hoping for hospital not prison.All I know is, that person should not be in a committed live in relationship of any kind.
I say that as someone that spent ten years on the run from an abusive biological father though, so I might be biased.
Nobodyshome got to the friendly sarcasm before I could, but I'll do it any way.
Whaaaaa...? You mean systematic confinement, abuse and neglect doesn't help people solve their personal issues and reacclimate to normal society?
Next you'll be telling me the reason my dog is so vicious is because I train it by randomly kicking it in the face off and on all day for arbitrary reasons(such as no reason at all), I don't think you know much about rehabilitation.