Deep 6 FaWtL


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I was thinking of emigrating to Australia, so I went to their embassy to see what it would take to get citizenship. They asked me "Do you have a criminal record?" I said "No, I didn't realize that was still a requirement."
Gonna start off lying to them already?
Well, really, only hipsters have records anymore. I keep all my criminal activities in the cloud. You might be surprised how much storage there is in a cumulonimbus.

Wow It was almost like I intended to set you up for that one.

Like how I was set-up for that one.


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It's Mom's Weekend at the university again. Which means that, once again, I am left pondering why so many people will come this weekend (and pay ~$300 per night for a room, with a two night minimum stay required) instead of coming any other weekend (like last weekend when the same exact rooms were renting for ~$100). I just don't understand it.

The Exchange

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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

I just made a date loaf cake with chocolate chips

Involved me chopping up 170g of dates.

A 170g date? That's a pretty small person to be dating. And you probably shouldn't be chopping them up.

Bad gran. *Smacks him on the nose*

No date loaf for joo!


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Just a Mort wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

I just made a date loaf cake with chocolate chips

Involved me chopping up 170g of dates.

A 170g date? That's a pretty small person to be dating. And you probably shouldn't be chopping them up.

Bad gran. *Smacks him on the nose*

No date loaf for joo!

That's okay, I don't like dates. And who's joo?


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you spelled it wrong gran it's jOO not jOO.


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Oh Great King of the Monkeys, where do you come by your wit?


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Yuugasa wrote:
Oh Great King of the Monkeys, where do you come by your wit?

That's a rather personal question, don't you think?


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My wife and I went shopping the other day. I was carrying two large bottles of laundry detergent, when she asked me to grab something off the top shelf. I said "I would love to help, but as you can see, my hands are Tide."


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
My wife and I went shopping the other day. I was carrying two large bottles of laundry detergent, when she asked me to grab something off the top shelf. I said "I would love to help, but as you can see, my hands are Tide."

Loosely connected: I always felt the loves (the diapers) slogan should of been: "$%^& happens get loves".


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Two birds are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "Hey. Do you smell fish?"


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How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for his birthday? He could feel his presents.


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You should never trust a train. They have loco motives.


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This one is NSFW:

A guy bought a new sports car and was showing it to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he got up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "I'm sorry, miss. There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."


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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."


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Two cops were at the scene of a murder. The first one said "I think this may have been racially motivated." The second cop said "Hate crime?" The first cop replied "Of course I hate crime! That's why I became a cop!"


A bit rude:

Why is it so difficult for a T. Rex to jack off?

Because they're extinct.


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And I was gonna say small arms...

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber

Time for reporting, then cleaning the rat cage


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I can't hear rat cage without my mind going to smashing pumpkins.


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Just a Mort wrote:

LM - what kind of leg injury did your friend get? I mean for me it was blisters on my paws, which was easily remedied (for the next run) by getting moisture wicking socks. I know some runners so I could probably get out of them the remedies for running injuries.

Unfortunately they haven't found a cure for my stitches yet, the best I've managed is not to eat too much before a run (or start eating earlier) and don't start out too fast.

Something between her ankle and calf on the outside of her right leg, so I'm guessing she pulled/strained a ligament? I haven't studied anatomy in twenty years.

The Exchange

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lisamarlene wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:

LM - what kind of leg injury did your friend get? I mean for me it was blisters on my paws, which was easily remedied (for the next run) by getting moisture wicking socks. I know some runners so I could probably get out of them the remedies for running injuries.

Unfortunately they haven't found a cure for my stitches yet, the best I've managed is not to eat too much before a run (or start eating earlier) and don't start out too fast.

Something between her ankle and calf on the outside of her right leg, so I'm guessing she pulled/strained a ligament? I haven't studied anatomy in twenty years.

My guess is insufficient stretching before the run and maybe stretching the affected part after it happened might help, ask her to flex her toes to and fro some and see if its any better the next day.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:

Just discovered the bike store I got my bike from no longer exists. Likely hit when the cops attacked all electric bike shops in the city.

F**%. Really pissed right now.

Why did the fuzz attack all the bike shops?

because the city goes back and forth on the legality of electric bikes.


Woran wrote:

So nu puking since wednesday. But since Im eating again, its very noticable the... underside... of things are still in a rebellious state.

This is why we keep comics in the bathroom.

Man, do I know this, ah, indelicate situation. I'm so sorry. I empathize so daggum much.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

We're having a relaxing diarrhea free weekend ourselves, and it's currently April showering, which is as relaxing as you can get for a Midwestern Sunday.


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Freehold DM wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:

Just discovered the bike store I got my bike from no longer exists. Likely hit when the cops attacked all electric bike shops in the city.

F**%. Really pissed right now.

Why did the fuzz attack all the bike shops?
because the city goes back and forth on the legality of electric bikes.

WTAF?


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Lord Harraman Ridh, baron of Ridh-Arath


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We go to look at kittens!

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber
Freehold DM wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:

Just discovered the bike store I got my bike from no longer exists. Likely hit when the cops attacked all electric bike shops in the city.

F**%. Really pissed right now.

Why did the fuzz attack all the bike shops?
because the city goes back and forth on the legality of electric bikes.

Bunch of idiots

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber
Tacticslion wrote:
Woran wrote:

So nu puking since wednesday. But since Im eating again, its very noticable the... underside... of things are still in a rebellious state.

This is why we keep comics in the bathroom.

Man, do I know this, ah, indelicate situation. I'm so sorry. I empathize so daggum much.

Thank you. I'm also very happy when we bought the house we got a second toilet installed upstairs. So no problem with me half living in the downstairs toilet. MrT can always go upstairs.

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber
The Vagrant Erudite wrote:
We go to look at kittens!

KITTENS!!!!!!!!!

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps Subscriber

I have to say I am incredibly proud of the generosity of my PFS players. We raised 670 euro for charity this convention. And this is a 30 table convention. They are just amazing <3


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
The Vagrant Erudite wrote:
We go to look at kittens!

Watch out, they're masters of mind control.


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Zelda has just gotten a tattoo of personal significance. It is beautiful.

The Exchange

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captain yesterday wrote:
The Vagrant Erudite wrote:
We go to look at kittens!
Watch out, they're masters of mind control.

Hoi! I take offense to that!


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Well, it finally happened: Impus Minor just left his iPad on the front seat of the rental car, expecting me to pick it up after well over a decade of my telling him to be responsible for his own stuff, so the car car got turned in with the iPad in it.

And now we see whether my pessimism about humanity is warranted, or whether I am yet again optimistically surprised by the honesty of low-wage workers.

I'll be at the front door tomorrow morning at 7:30 am waiting to see which happens. And there'll be a $20 bill in it if he makes me feel better about humanity...


Tequila Sunrise wrote:

I have finally written chapter 1 of my great american novel, and Mrs Sunrise is editing it.

And so the test of our marriage begins.

I take it back, gardening might be the first real test of our marriage. Today I put down grass seed in the backyard -- thanks for that oh-so-lovely letter, HOA, my garden was wonderfully green but whatever -- and mulched it with the remains of my garden.

Mrs. Sunrise apparently does not know about mulching, and thinks I have doomed the grass seed to suffocation and our backyard to dry plant-huskiness.

Yes, I played the green-thumb card, however little I'm actually qualified for it.


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And to make today even more fun, we did our taxes. And this is the first year I've ever owed anything.

Spoilered for politics.

Spoiler:
Wish I could say I was surprised, but this is what happens when conservatism gets its way. Higher taxes for everyone except those who can easily afford taxes, and no public good to show for it.

Things like this is why I've gotten involved in politics on the progressive side -- institutions are owned by those who participate, and so good government requires good people pushing back against the bad. 'Cause the bad guys are always there, always rigging the system to their advantage, and voting every few years isn't enough to pull us in a progressive direction.


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Tequila Sunrise wrote:

And to make today even more fun, we did our taxes. And this is the first year I've ever owed anything.

Spoilered for politics.
** spoiler omitted **

Don't want to start any huge thing but I'm with ya. Machiavellian-ism running rampant.


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When my wife was about to give birth to our first child, she started yelling "CAN'T! WON'T! DON'T! SHOULDN'T! COULDN'T!". I was concerned, but the doctor told me "Nothing to worry about. Those are just contractions."


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I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.


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Why did the minnow cross the ocean? To get to the other tide.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.

No sense of adventure.


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All_might! wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.
No sense of adventure.

I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
All_might! wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.
No sense of adventure.
I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.

You would make a terrible main character. Probably a decent sidekick however.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
All_might! wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.
No sense of adventure.
I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.
You would make a terrible main character. Probably a decent sidekick however.

Nah, I don't have the flexibility for a sidekick. Might be able to manage a front kick, but I doubt my knees would stand for it.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
All_might! wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.
No sense of adventure.
I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.
You would make a terrible main character. Probably a decent sidekick however.
Nah, I don't have the flexibility for a sidekick. Might be able to manage a front kick, but I doubt my knees would stand for it.

I can do a sidekick easier then a front kick myself. Much like Mort (I guess?) I need to work on my flexibility.


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Did you know that 9 out of 10 people who don't eat meat are constipated? Yep, what happens in vegans stays in vegans.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Did you know that 9 out of 10 people who don't eat meat are constipated? Yep, what happens in vegans stays in vegans.

Huh like sloths.

Also I assume that statistic is made up for the joke?


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Hi, everyone.

I had a very busy weekend. Saturday, my Supervisor asked me (Of course he asked me. Everyone else probably said no.) if I wouldn't mind pulling an eight-hour shift Saturday night through Sunday morning, in a Hotel, within which was a wedding party. Of course I said yes (dumbass) because he sounded desperate. So, Sunday, after I got home from work, I had to sleep seven hours. I woke up long enough to make dinner and have it. Then I got another eight hours of sleep before waking up at two this morning. And I still feel tired. The glorious life of a Security Guard. Overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated.


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We appreciate you John.

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