Nekkid Vidmaster7 |
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Vidmaster7 wrote:Well, really, only hipsters have records anymore. I keep all my criminal activities in the cloud. You might be surprised how much storage there is in a cumulonimbus.gran rey de los mono wrote:I was thinking of emigrating to Australia, so I went to their embassy to see what it would take to get citizenship. They asked me "Do you have a criminal record?" I said "No, I didn't realize that was still a requirement."Gonna start off lying to them already?
Wow It was almost like I intended to set you up for that one.
Like how I was set-up for that one.
gran rey de los mono |
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It's Mom's Weekend at the university again. Which means that, once again, I am left pondering why so many people will come this weekend (and pay ~$300 per night for a room, with a two night minimum stay required) instead of coming any other weekend (like last weekend when the same exact rooms were renting for ~$100). I just don't understand it.
Just a Mort |
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Just a Mort wrote:A 170g date? That's a pretty small person to be dating. And you probably shouldn't be chopping them up.I just made a date loaf cake with chocolate chips
Involved me chopping up 170g of dates.
Bad gran. *Smacks him on the nose*
No date loaf for joo!
gran rey de los mono |
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gran rey de los mono wrote:Just a Mort wrote:A 170g date? That's a pretty small person to be dating. And you probably shouldn't be chopping them up.I just made a date loaf cake with chocolate chips
Involved me chopping up 170g of dates.
Bad gran. *Smacks him on the nose*
No date loaf for joo!
That's okay, I don't like dates. And who's joo?
Vidmaster7 |
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My wife and I went shopping the other day. I was carrying two large bottles of laundry detergent, when she asked me to grab something off the top shelf. I said "I would love to help, but as you can see, my hands are Tide."
Loosely connected: I always felt the loves (the diapers) slogan should of been: "$%^& happens get loves".
gran rey de los mono |
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A guy bought a new sports car and was showing it to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he got up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "I'm sorry, miss. There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
gran rey de los mono |
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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
lisamarlene |
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LM - what kind of leg injury did your friend get? I mean for me it was blisters on my paws, which was easily remedied (for the next run) by getting moisture wicking socks. I know some runners so I could probably get out of them the remedies for running injuries.
Unfortunately they haven't found a cure for my stitches yet, the best I've managed is not to eat too much before a run (or start eating earlier) and don't start out too fast.
Something between her ankle and calf on the outside of her right leg, so I'm guessing she pulled/strained a ligament? I haven't studied anatomy in twenty years.
Just a Mort |
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Just a Mort wrote:Something between her ankle and calf on the outside of her right leg, so I'm guessing she pulled/strained a ligament? I haven't studied anatomy in twenty years.LM - what kind of leg injury did your friend get? I mean for me it was blisters on my paws, which was easily remedied (for the next run) by getting moisture wicking socks. I know some runners so I could probably get out of them the remedies for running injuries.
Unfortunately they haven't found a cure for my stitches yet, the best I've managed is not to eat too much before a run (or start eating earlier) and don't start out too fast.
My guess is insufficient stretching before the run and maybe stretching the affected part after it happened might help, ask her to flex her toes to and fro some and see if its any better the next day.
Freehold DM |
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Freehold DM wrote:Why did the fuzz attack all the bike shops?Just discovered the bike store I got my bike from no longer exists. Likely hit when the cops attacked all electric bike shops in the city.
F**%. Really pissed right now.
because the city goes back and forth on the legality of electric bikes.
lisamarlene |
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Vidmaster7 wrote:because the city goes back and forth on the legality of electric bikes.Freehold DM wrote:Why did the fuzz attack all the bike shops?Just discovered the bike store I got my bike from no longer exists. Likely hit when the cops attacked all electric bike shops in the city.
F**%. Really pissed right now.
WTAF?
Woran |
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Vidmaster7 wrote:because the city goes back and forth on the legality of electric bikes.Freehold DM wrote:Why did the fuzz attack all the bike shops?Just discovered the bike store I got my bike from no longer exists. Likely hit when the cops attacked all electric bike shops in the city.
F**%. Really pissed right now.
Bunch of idiots
Woran |
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Woran wrote:Man, do I know this, ah, indelicate situation. I'm so sorry. I empathize so daggum much.So nu puking since wednesday. But since Im eating again, its very noticable the... underside... of things are still in a rebellious state.
This is why we keep comics in the bathroom.
Thank you. I'm also very happy when we bought the house we got a second toilet installed upstairs. So no problem with me half living in the downstairs toilet. MrT can always go upstairs.
NobodysHome |
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Well, it finally happened: Impus Minor just left his iPad on the front seat of the rental car, expecting me to pick it up after well over a decade of my telling him to be responsible for his own stuff, so the car car got turned in with the iPad in it.
And now we see whether my pessimism about humanity is warranted, or whether I am yet again optimistically surprised by the honesty of low-wage workers.
I'll be at the front door tomorrow morning at 7:30 am waiting to see which happens. And there'll be a $20 bill in it if he makes me feel better about humanity...
Tequila Sunrise |
I have finally written chapter 1 of my great american novel, and Mrs Sunrise is editing it.
And so the test of our marriage begins.
I take it back, gardening might be the first real test of our marriage. Today I put down grass seed in the backyard -- thanks for that oh-so-lovely letter, HOA, my garden was wonderfully green but whatever -- and mulched it with the remains of my garden.
Mrs. Sunrise apparently does not know about mulching, and thinks I have doomed the grass seed to suffocation and our backyard to dry plant-huskiness.
Yes, I played the green-thumb card, however little I'm actually qualified for it.
Tequila Sunrise |
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And to make today even more fun, we did our taxes. And this is the first year I've ever owed anything.
Spoilered for politics.
Things like this is why I've gotten involved in politics on the progressive side -- institutions are owned by those who participate, and so good government requires good people pushing back against the bad. 'Cause the bad guys are always there, always rigging the system to their advantage, and voting every few years isn't enough to pull us in a progressive direction.
Vidmaster7 |
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All_might! wrote:I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.gran rey de los mono wrote:I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.No sense of adventure.
You would make a terrible main character. Probably a decent sidekick however.
gran rey de los mono |
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gran rey de los mono wrote:You would make a terrible main character. Probably a decent sidekick however.All_might! wrote:I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.gran rey de los mono wrote:I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.No sense of adventure.
Nah, I don't have the flexibility for a sidekick. Might be able to manage a front kick, but I doubt my knees would stand for it.
Vidmaster7 |
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Vidmaster7 wrote:Nah, I don't have the flexibility for a sidekick. Might be able to manage a front kick, but I doubt my knees would stand for it.gran rey de los mono wrote:You would make a terrible main character. Probably a decent sidekick however.All_might! wrote:I can sense adventure. Then I wait quietly until it passes by.gran rey de los mono wrote:I love going outdoors. It's so much better than going outwindows.No sense of adventure.
I can do a sidekick easier then a front kick myself. Much like Mort (I guess?) I need to work on my flexibility.
John Napier 698 |
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Hi, everyone.
I had a very busy weekend. Saturday, my Supervisor asked me (Of course he asked me. Everyone else probably said no.) if I wouldn't mind pulling an eight-hour shift Saturday night through Sunday morning, in a Hotel, within which was a wedding party. Of course I said yes (dumbass) because he sounded desperate. So, Sunday, after I got home from work, I had to sleep seven hours. I woke up long enough to make dinner and have it. Then I got another eight hours of sleep before waking up at two this morning. And I still feel tired. The glorious life of a Security Guard. Overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated.