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Two hikers were out camping. On got up in the middle of the night to pee. When he came back in the tent, he was soaking wet. The second hiker asked "Is it raining?" The first hiker said "No. Just really windy."
Let's be frank. Either, or both, of them could have been nekkid.
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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and a moped? A moped can make it to 30.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: I'm drawn to women who are beautiful when they are angry. After all, while dating me they're likely to be angry at least 90% of the time. That one so perfectly sums up the total of your other dating jokes.
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Where do cows go on vacation? Moo York.
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Woman 1: My son came to visit me on his summer vacation.
Woman 2: How nice! Did you meet him at the airport?
Woman 1: Oh, no. I've known him for years!
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What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
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Being in a relationship is like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, everything around you is on fire, and you're actually in hell.
Or is that just me?
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Being in a relationship is like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, everything around you is on fire, and you're actually in hell.
Or is that just me?
your answer:
I'm drawn to women who are beautiful when they are angry. After all, while dating me they're likely to be angry at least 90% of the time.
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Once again I am needed.
Please don't take offense at anything said above (I'm looking at you, Amy Winehouse joke).
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Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: I'm drawn to women who are beautiful when they are angry. After all, while dating me they're likely to be angry at least 90% of the time. That one so perfectly sums up the total of your other dating jokes. Wait, you thought those were jokes?
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gran rey de los disclaimer wrote: Once again I am needed.
Please don't take offense at anything said above (I'm looking at you, Amy Winehouse joke).
I really was thinking disclaimer would show up for that one.
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What is red, blinking, and has three legs?
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Was it a wooden spoon or a metal spoon? Plastic handle, metal business-end. A cheap thing that I've had for years, much as I like to take credit for breaking it, today was clearly its day to go.
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Why did the hamburger go to the gym? To get better buns!
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What is a dentist's favorite dinosaur? A Flossoraptor.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: What is red, blinking, and has three legs?
** spoiler omitted **
a Rudolph the red nose reindeer lawn ornament that has been used for target practice (both guns and paintball.)
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Teacher: What is the value of pi?
Little Johnny: Depending on where you buy it, about $12.
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Have you ever wondered who would really care if you peed in the shower? Apparently, the bride and all her guests care.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Teacher: What is the value of pi?
Little Johnny: Depending on where you buy it, about $12.
He's not wrong.
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Tequila Sunrise wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: Was it a wooden spoon or a metal spoon? Plastic handle, metal business-end. A cheap thing that I've had for years, much as I like to take credit for breaking it, today was clearly its day to go. Oh, ok. That's not so bad.
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Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: What is red, blinking, and has three legs?
** spoiler omitted **
a Rudolph the red nose reindeer lawn ornament that has been used for target practice (both guns and paintball.) See. That was nothing that I could think of.
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Tequila Sunrise wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: Was it a wooden spoon or a metal spoon? Plastic handle, metal business-end. A cheap thing that I've had for years, much as I like to take credit for breaking it, today was clearly its day to go. Every time I see your name, the Eagles start playing in my head. Not saying it's a bad thing, but now I have an earworm.
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Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It's Einstein's turn to seek. He closes his eyes and starts counting. Pascal takes off running, while Newton carefully draws a square on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finishes counting and opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing there and says "Come on, you're not even trying. I see you right there, Newton!" Newton says "You didn't find me. Before you is One Newton over a square meter. You have found Pascal!"
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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
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Schrodinger's Cat walks into a bar. Also, it doesn't walk into a bar.
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There are some things Man was not meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
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I bought a piece of software recently. Under System Requirements on the box it said "Windows Vista or better". So I installed LINUX.
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C://dos
C://dos.run
run.dos.run
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Failure is not an option. It's bundled with Windows.
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Windows NT is the only operating system that ever caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands.
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If at first you don't succeed, call it Version 1.0.
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The hardest bit of code to debug is the bit you are 100% certain isn't wrong.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It's Einstein's turn to seek. He closes his eyes and starts counting. Pascal takes off running, while Newton carefully draws a square on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finishes counting and opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing there and says "Come on, you're not even trying. I see you right there, Newton!" Newton says "You didn't find me. Before you is One Newton over a square meter. You have found Pascal!" Wow that one is nerdy. engineering and math majors were probably ROFLTAO
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Programming is a race between developers trying to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Programmers are tools that convert caffeine into code.
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My attitude isn't bad, it's just still in Beta.
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If brute force doesn't solve your problem, then you aren't using enough.
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The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
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1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d. What?
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Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d. What? n00b.
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Do I need to solve for X?
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Eh I don't miss my x's that much.
Just make sure all your exes live in Texas, and you should be fine.
And now, I must go. Fare thee well, FaWtL.
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Yeah I WOULD go after that one for sure.
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*grumble-grumble*
Why companies can't learn which countries use euro and which don't...
*grumble-grumble*
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that is an oddly specific grumble.
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