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Hitler only wanted peace. A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, a piece of Turkey...

Edit: And while nekkid, he wanted a piece of Eva.


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*wonders how many of these are gonna be puns on the word nazi*


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Most people know that Hitler wrote a book, Mein Kampf. But did you know he also made a video game? Yep, it was called Mein Kraft.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Hitler only wanted peace. A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, a piece of Turkey...

Definitely not the kind of person you want over for thanksgiving.


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Hahaha NH. I love that part.
My players managed to vote against Avimar without offending him.
The bard (it's always the bard) made an awesome speech of how a real pirate has to loot by himself and not to sit down and expect to be paid. Then she praised Avimar's boldness and said that she admired him for his ruthlessness, and didn't expect him to be the kind of person who doesn't just take what he wants. That if he was so interested maybe he should loot the island himself or attack the ones who looted to steal their booty.

In the end, Avimar looked like he wanted to vote against his own proposal! XD

After that, they headed inmediately to loot the island before Avimar could have time to take their advice and be a threat to them.


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Apparently Hitler passed laws making it illegal to tell jokes about him or the Nazis. Isn't that crazy? I mean, telling Germans that they can't tell jokes is like telling Americans that they can't eat salads.


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I think I'll stop now before anyone gets Fuhrer-ious.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Hitler only wanted peace. A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, a piece of Turkey...

Did he plan to get all of that nekkid?


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And just to be clear, those were all meant as jokes. No offense intended to anyone.

Except maybe Hitler.


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Kileanna wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Hitler only wanted peace. A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, a piece of Turkey...
Did he plan to get all of that nekkid?

I don't know. Maybe. I'll edit it and find out.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
*wonders how many of these are gonna be puns on the word nazi*

Looks like just two.


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gran rey de los disclaimer wrote:

And just to be clear, those were all meant as jokes. No offense intended to anyone.

Except maybe Hitler.

I don't think he will mind to much. How could he as spread out as his mind was from that... you know what I think I better stop too.


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I went to a feminist picnic the other day. It was great, except no-one made any sandwiches.


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Oh, crap.

That was just a joke. As will likely be what follows. Please don't be offended.

Grand Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber
Limeylongears wrote:

I very much doubt that you could, even if you wanted to; 32" blade and a weight of under a kilo isn't anything out of the ordinary, and even if it was super sharp, it wouldn't make much difference, and it certainly wouldn't be sharp any more after you'd whacked a cannon barrel with it. All you'd have it a blunt sabre and a dead cavalryman.

EDIT: If you could cut through a gun barrel with it, you could also cut through a sword, which would mean that no-one would be able to parry at all without both blades suddenly falling in half.

Also, I know very little about artillery, but surely a barrel that could be cut in half with cold steel wouldn't stand up to the rigours of firing very well at all? This is a question for John, perhaps, or TOZ...

I don't claim expertise, but I wouldn't say a barrel that could be cut from the side is too fragile to handle ordnance. The barrel is a channel for the round, and doesn't actually need to be strong against pressure. It needs to be strong against heat. (And fully automatic weapons have maximum fire rates for just that reason, as if you fire too many rounds, the barrel will begin to warp. To the point that the only thing keeping it straight are the rounds traveling through it.)


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I thought the WWII jokes were done but looks like gran is going into a minefield.


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* quietly and carefully eases out of thread*


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Again, those were jokes. No offense intended.


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* NINJA VANis.... wow he^^ disappeared before me...

*vanishes*


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
I thought the WWII jokes were done but looks like gran is going into a minefield.

Yeah, I thought about not posting these, but then said "F!+& it" and did it anyways.


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Yeah vid said your a brave man. also I'm the only alias he has that is brave enough to hang around for those.

Edit: well not counting the commoner one but that is not so much bravery as lack of common sense.


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I started a boat-building business in my attic. It's great! Sails are going through the roof!


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I interviewed for a job as a waiter. The manager asked me why he should give me the job. I said "Well, I bring a lot to the table."


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The worst part about getting fired from the Unemployment Office is that you still have to show up the next day.


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Why do the guards at Big Ben always look so tired? Because they work 'round the clock.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Why do the guards at Big Ben always look so tired? Because they work 'round the clock.

looks safe

All I know about those guys I have learned from TV. (mostly Sherlock)


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This is not a joke, but real.
Dal was on a course where he was one of three males on a whole female class. The girls were nice to him, until the whole class joined for a meal at a restaurant.

I went with Dal to have a drink before the meal started and then left. Dal and I are always throwing puns at each other, sometimes they can even seem pretty harsh, but they are just jokes.

The fact is that I was probably harsher on him than he was on me. Then I left and he stayed for the meal.

Many of this girls were feminists and they spent the whole meal saying to Dal that he treated me awfully, and that he MISTREATED me!!! Some of them even stopped talking to him after that!!! I met him after dinner when he was still with them, and they started asking me why did I tolerate to be treated like that. I answered that we did it just for fun, that we loved mocking each other.

Their answer? It was OK if I insulted and bashed him, they even encouraged me to do so. But if he ever said something to me, that was mistreating me and harassing me.

We have laughed at that so many times since then!


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I learned my lesson about speeding today, and I'll never do it again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just got to work 30 minutes early.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I learned my lesson about speeding today, and I'll never do it again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just got to work 30 minutes early.

How could you?


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Kileanna wrote:

This is not a joke, but real.

Dal was on a course where he was one of three males on a whole female class. The girls were nice to him, until the whole class joined for a meal at a restaurant.

I went with Dal to have a drink before the meal started and then left. Dal and I are always throwing puns at each other, sometimes they can even seem pretty harsh, but they are just jokes.

The fact is that I was probably harsher on him than he was on me. Then I left and he stayed for the meal.

Many of this girls were feminists and they spent the whole meal saying to Dal that he treated me awfully, and that he MISTREATED me!!! Some of them even stopped talking to him after that!!! I met him after dinner when he was still with them, and they started asking me why did I tolerate to be treated like that. I answered that we did it just for fun, that we loved mocking each other.

Their answer? It was OK if I insulted and bashed him, they even encouraged me to do so. But if he ever said something to me, that was mistreating me and harassing me.

We have laughed at that so many times since then!

That is silly. me and my GF mess with each other all the time its just good fun.

There is a certain lack of equality there. I kind of understand it in a way. Its an over compensation for a highly unbalanced situation. The scales are tipped so far in one direction that the people affected have to react more severely just to compensate. Still there is still taking it to far.


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Kileanna wrote:

This is not a joke, but real.

Dal was on a course where he was one of three males on a whole female class. The girls were nice to him, until the whole class joined for a meal at a restaurant.

I went with Dal to have a drink before the meal started and then left. Dal and I are always throwing puns at each other, sometimes they can even seem pretty harsh, but they are just jokes.

The fact is that I was probably harsher on him than he was on me. Then I left and he stayed for the meal.

Many of this girls were feminists and they spent the whole meal saying to Dal that he treated me awfully, and that he MISTREATED me!!! Some of them even stopped talking to him after that!!! I met him after dinner when he was still with them, and they started asking me why did I tolerate to be treated like that. I answered that we did it just for fun, that we loved mocking each other.

Their answer? It was OK if I insulted and bashed him, they even encouraged me to do so. But if he ever said something to me, that was mistreating me and harassing me.

We have laughed at that so many times since then!

This reminds me of something from college. They released a preview of some changes they were planning to make to the sexual harassment policy on campus. Now, I'm not opposed to any such policy, but this was ridiculous. I don't remember all of it, it was quite a while ago, but I do remember some of the examples of "harassment" it listed.

1) If a male tells a female that she looks nice, when she doesn't want him to tell her so.
2) If a male fails to tell a female that she looks nice, when she does want him to do so.
3) If a male fails to talk to a female, when she wants him to.
4) If a male talks to a female, when she doesn't want him to.

And so on. Essentially, it felt like it was saying that "All males are harassing all females all the time." And nowhere in it did it address the possibility of a female harassing a male. They wound up not instituting it because of all the negative feedback, and instead put into place a policy that was so vague as to be basically worthless.


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Kileanna wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I learned my lesson about speeding today, and I'll never do it again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just got to work 30 minutes early.
How could you?

The funniest part is that I usually get to work between 20 and 30 minutes early everyday. That's just how I am. If I'm not at least 15 minutes early to anywhere, I feel like I'm late. So, I show up to work early, take my time changing into uniform (I don't like to drive in it, it's a little uncomfortable), and then clock-in on time.


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I had a job interview today. The interviewer asked me "What would you say is your greatest weakness?" I replied "I would have to say that my listening skills are my greatest strength."

I don't think I'm going to get the job.


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At a different interview last week, I was asked "What's your biggest weakness?" I said "Answering the semantics of the question, while ignoring the pragmatics." The interviewer said "Interesting. Can you give an example?" I replied "Yes."


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My boss hates it when I shorten their name to "Dick". Especially since her name is "Veronica".


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Got to love contradictory rules.

I had one of those polite respectful hold the door for ladies kind of upbringings. Its weird to think that doing that offends some people. its only of those darned if you do and darned if you don't things.

I guess the eventual answer will be just to treat everyone like individuals. It will after to be the same from both directions. <weak example but it gets point across> If I can say oh she doesn't like for guys to hold the door for her. she should also go oh he was raised to hold the door for girls so I'll be polite in telling him.


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At another interview, they said they wanted someone who was responsible. I said "Then I'm your man! At my last job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was responsible."


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I did get a new job recently. I have 500 people under me.

I mow the grass at a cemetery.


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I have a friend who's a structural engineer. She's always complaining about stress at work.


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*attempts to summon Nina/Hoo-dini using god powers*

*summons a completely different owl*

Eh. I suppose it will still work. Now where did that bear get off to?


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Vidmaster7 wrote:

Got to love contradictory rules.

I had one of those polite respectful hold the door for ladies kind of upbringings. Its weird to think that doing that offends some people. its only of those darned if you do and darned if you don't things.

I guess the eventual answer will be just to treat everyone like individuals. It will after to be the same from both directions. <weak example but it gets point across> If I can say oh she doesn't like for guys to hold the door for her. she should also go oh he was raised to hold the door for girls so I'll be polite in telling him.

The polite way about holding the door now is apparently that the first one to get to the door, be it male or female is the one who holds it for the person who gets second. It's a good way to do it.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
gran rey de los mono wrote:

I did get a new job recently. I have 500 people under me.

I mow the grass at a cemetery.

I used to do that.


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Looks like it is Pawsitively time for me to head fur the hills.


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Kileanna wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:

Got to love contradictory rules.

I had one of those polite respectful hold the door for ladies kind of upbringings. Its weird to think that doing that offends some people. its only of those darned if you do and darned if you don't things.

I guess the eventual answer will be just to treat everyone like individuals. It will after to be the same from both directions. <weak example but it gets point across> If I can say oh she doesn't like for guys to hold the door for her. she should also go oh he was raised to hold the door for girls so I'll be polite in telling him.

The polite way about holding the door now is apparently that the first one to get to the door, be it male or female is the one who holds it for the person who gets second. It's a good way to do it.

Yeah I was just using it as an example.


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Un-Bear-able Puns wrote:

Looks like it is Pawsitively time for me to head fur the hills.

Get over here and f&** this owl!!


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That's not a sentence I ever thought I would type.

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