Deep 6 FaWtL


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lisamarlene wrote:
Our neighbors on the west side are celebrating something that requires caterers and mariachis, and I have never heard mariachis this good outside of a film soundtrack. At least three trumpets, multiple violins, and two different vocalists. Don't know how much they spent on the party, but if I didn't hate meeting/talking to people so much, I would totally crash it.

were I there, I would gladly initiate conversation with complete strangers for you.


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Do you have to ask? Of COURSE I speak with strangers while completely naked! It makes the conversation memorable!


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I'm back and time to start the job hunt.


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Just in time for jokes, too. Lucky you!


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I came home today and my wife had left a note on the fridge. It read "It's not working anymore. I can't stand it. I'm going to my mom's." But when I opened the door, the little light came on, and all the beer was still nice and cold. What the hell was she talking about?


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My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm too handsome and too good in bed.

She may also have said something about me being a chronic liar and ignoring her, but I was watching the game, so I could be wrong.


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My other girlfriend dumped me, claiming I'm obsessed with video games. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.


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I ended a long-term relationship yesterday, but it really doesn't bother me. After all, it wasn't my relationship.


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Oh, yeah! My substitute to morning coffee is here!
Today I have a day off, the only one this week, so I am going to do nothing at all!!! XD (at least nothing productive, I got tired of being a productive member of society!)


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My girlfriend (yes, another one) said to me the other day "I can't stand how you always act like you're a TV detective. I want to split up." I said "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."


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My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date. They said she was probably imaginary. Well, the joke's on them. They're imaginary too.


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I've herd that to make a relationship work requires a large amount of sacrifices. That's why a keep a bunch of goats in the garden.


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I took a librarian out for a date once. It cost me a fortune. It was my own fault, really. Keeping her out so late, the fees really add up.


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My wife isn't talking to me right now. She says I ruined her birthday. I don't see how that's possible. I didn't even know her birthday was today.


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I told an ex once that I felt like killing her. He told me I needed professional help. So, I hired a hit man.


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I like to pamper my wife after she's had a long day of work. I have her text me when she's on her way. Then I get the water nice and hot, swirl around the foam and bubbles so it's just right, and everything is perfect so as soon as she walks in the door she can wash the dishes.


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My girlfriend said she wanted to "Play Doctor" with me. I agreed readily. So far I've kept her waiting on the couch for 3 hours while I played a quick round of golf.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date. They said she was probably imaginary. Well, the joke's on them. They're imaginary too.

this is my not surprised face -_-


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The other day day wife said "I'm not sharing the bed with you and your smelly bum anymore!" I think that's unfair. It's rude to make him sleep on the street.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I told an ex once that I felt like killing her. He told me I needed professional help. So, I hired a hit man.

Yeah you can never be to careful when dating the feisty ones.


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The other day I noticed my watch had slipped off my wrist. I soon noticed a guy standing on it while sexually harassing a young lady. I walked over and punched him straight in the face. No-one does that kind of s%%! on my watch.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
My girlfriend said she wanted to "Play Doctor" with me. I agreed readily. So far I've kept her waiting on the couch for 3 hours while I played a quick round of golf.

I wouldn't date anyone who hears "Play Doctor" and doesn't immediately think of something involving a TARDIS.


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Why do Native Americans hate snow? It's white and settles on their land.


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Here we go again.

Please take no offense to anything posted above.


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How did the redneck find his sister in the woods? Attractive.


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Redneck murders are really hard to solve because:
1) The DNA is all the same.
2) There are no dental records.


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Again, no offense.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
How did the redneck find his sister in the woods? Attractive.

Lol ok I'm going to use that one.


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A guy walks into a redneck bar and orders a white wine. Everyone in the bar looks up from their beer in surprise, and the bartender says "You ain't from 'round here, is ya? Where you from?" The man said "I'm from England." The barkeep says "And what does ya do over thar in England?" The man says "I'm a taxidermist." The barkeep says "A takzidarmissed? The f%#~ is a takzidarmissed?" The man says "Well, I mount animals." The barkeep smiles, turns to the rest of the patrons and says "It's okay, boys! He's one o' us!"


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I'm enjoying these. maybe its because they remind me of the locals.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
I'm enjoying these. maybe its because they remind me of the locals.

Too right!

Anyhow . . . .

How've y'all been, people?


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Bubba is in the hospital, being questioned by the cops about why his cousin shot him. "Well," says Bubba. "We wuz drinkin' and havin' a good time, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said 'Hey ya'll! Who wants to go huntin'?'" The cop says "And then what happened?" Bubba says "Well, I don't remember it rightly, but from what I does recall, I stood up and said 'Hell, I'm game.'"


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Why do birds fly upside-down over a trailer park? Because there's nothing worth s!$&ting on.


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This is sad I am laughing at everyone of the redneck jokes you have found my sense of humor apparently. Shame unto me. shame unto my cow.


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There were two hillbillies who lived across a river from each other and constantly feuded. John hated Clarence, and would never miss an opportunity to throw insults, and rocks, across the river whenever he saw Clarence. After a few years, the government built a bridge over the river. John was elated. Finally, after all this time, he was going to go and face his hated foe face-to-face for the first time. He set out, and then came back almost immediately, face pale. His wife asked what was wrong. John said "I got to tha bridge, and there was a sign that said 'Clearance 8'3"'. It had no idea that bastard was so big!"


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That is a BIG ol boy.


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A redneck couple has 6 kids. The husband decides it would be funny to stop calling his wife by her name, and instead call her "Mother-of-six". At first, she finds it funny, but it soon starts to annoy her. Eventually she's had enough of hearing "Mother-of-six, what's for dinner?" and "Mother-of-six, get me a beer." so she decides to get her revenge. She waits for a big party with all their friends and family around, and then when she hears him call out "Hey, Mother-of-six, you want another hot dog?" she calls back loudly "Yes I would, Father-of-four!"


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A woman is driving through a small town and sees an old redneck man sitting on his porch, smiling broadly. She stops and says "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice how happy you are. Could you tell me your secret to a long, happy life?" The man says "Sure'n I can. I smokes three packs of unfiltered cigarettes a day, eat fatty foods, never exercise, and drink about 2 gallons of moonshine a week." The woman says "That's amazing! Do you mind if I ask how old you are?" The man says "Not a'tall. I'll be 27 next week."


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Bubba the redneck decides to save up his money and buy a hang-glider. It takes a long time, but eventually he gets it. He takes it up to the top of the highest mountain around, and leaps off into the wind. It works! He's flying! It's the greatest thing he's ever experienced!!

Meanwhile, his Ma and Pa are sitting on the porch, when Ma points and says "Look at that bird, Pa! It's huge!!" Pa grabs his gun and starts shooting. BANG BANG BANG!! The bird continues to sail away past the treetops. Ma says "I think you missed it, Pa." Pa says "Yep, but at least it let go of Bubba."


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baron arem heshvaun wrote:

Loyal Citizens of The Empire, rejoice for I have returned from the Unknown Regions.

Did I miss anything?

*DUDE*.

Been watching for ya. How's that Strange Aeons game going? That mesmerist working out well?

Nice to read ya again, heshvaun. :)


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I am laughing my ass off with that ones!
Apparently I love redneck jokes xD

In Spain, we have something called "jokes of Lepe". Lepe is a town in Southern Spain, which has become a synonim for "silly people". Most Lepe jokes start with "Why do people from Lepe...?" and some of them are pretty funny, but they are all lost in translation.


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What does the signpost at Lepe's airport say?
"Don't drop breadcrumbs, they come down on their own."


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Why do people from Lepe open the milk right on the mart?
Because the container has written "open here" on it.


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Ah got it. Its like how the British have Scottish jokes and vice versa.
or Americans having the polish jokes back in the 60's (never understood that one I have polish friends their good people. must of had to be alive in the 60's)


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A man from Lepe goes to a ski station on Switzerland and sees a signpost detailing the conditions of the snow:

- Neuchatel: 14 cm, soft.
- Lausanne: 19 cm, slippery.
- Sachanffhausen: 15 cm, hard.
So, after reading it, the man from Lepe writes under it:
- Paco López: 24 cm, hard as a rock.


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o_O

Darn it Paco.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:

Ah got it. Its like how the British have Scottish jokes and vice versa.

or Americans having the polish jokes back in the 60's (never understood that one I have polish friends their good people. must of had to be alive in the 60's)

In some Latin American countries they are Galician jokes... T.T

There were a lot of Galician immigrants there after the Spanish Civil War (1936, AFAIK no Marvel characters involved, not even Spider Woman even if she wears Spanish flag xD).
Most of those immigrants were illiterate and hard working so Galicians gained the reputation of being pretty stupid as they lacked knowledge and were willing to work hard for almost no reward.

Fun fact from Lepe is that it is such a small town that people who aren't Andalusian and from Huelva have probably not met a real person from Lepe on all their life. So Lepe is more an icon than a real place.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:

o_O

Darn it Paco.

Paco isn't very bright but he has other qualities it seems xD


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interesting.

edit: The Galacian thing not the Paco thing.


Two people from Leganés are walking on Lepe and they say:
"What a crappy town and what a crappy people"
So a man from Lepe asks them:
"Where are you from then?"
"From Leganés'"
"What a crappy lake and what a crappy monster."

Spoiler:
Leganés=Lake Ness. In Spanish it would be Lago Ness.

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