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gran rey de los mono wrote: Just, you know, maybe not too much detail. I don't think we need to know color, consistency, and composition of various excretions.
But, yes, get the young one healthy so that she may continue on her quest to drive you insane.
A noble quest indeed.
Edit: hmm this is awkward.
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Ylenia, Fashion Designer wrote: Punniculus wrote: Ylenia likes hats.
This outfit has a hat.
As does this one.
And, while not exactly a hat, this one has headwear of a sort.
Another hat.
If you could choose what class you want to pretend to be multiclass into, I could perhaps find additional choices.
Thw second one is dull and boring and brown...
But the others look awesome. I love the idea of wings on the head! Could they be red?
It makes me seem like my head would turn into a vargouille and fly away! I love it!!! This one has impressive headgear, though I'm not sure it would be very comfortable. And comfort is very important. I want to make sure my followers aren't constrained by too much material.
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What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler.
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If a cow just gave birth, would you say she is decalfinated?
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Nice breaking out the holy cow jokes.
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A newly married man has to fly to the Florida Keys for work, but his bride is to follow him the next day. When he arrives, he sends her an email to let her know he has landed safely. Unfortunately, the email gets misdelivered. The unintended recipient is a 90 year old lady whose husband had recently passed away. She opens the email, reads it, screams in terror and faints. Her great-granddaughter hears the scream and comes rushing to her aid. After reviving the old lady, she reads the email that terrified her so badly. It said "Dear love. I just got here, and am preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you again. Your loving husband. PS It sure is hot down here."
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Why was the duck arrested? For selling quack on the streets.
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The hot part... that really made it happen for me.
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Good morning, everyone!
Cap, I hope your daughter feels better soon, but maybe you should take her to hospital, with that fever. Children have high temperature easily, but she risks having convulsions and that is dangerous.
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One day little Johnny came home from school full of questions. He had heard some new words on the playground, and didn't know what they meant. So, he asked his parents. Now, his parents didn't want to tell him the truth, so they quickly (and poorly) made up some answers. When Johnny asked what "son of a b&##$" meant, his parents told him "priest". When he inquired about the word "s~+~", he was told it meant "food". And when he requested the definition of the word "f%%!ing", he was given a response of "getting ready". Johnny accepted these definitions, and no more was said on the subject for some time.
A few weeks later, the local priest came by for dinner. He arrived a little early, so when Johnny answered the door he said "Hey son of a b@**!! There's s~%+ on the table for dinner, but Mom and Dad are upstairs f%@@ing."
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What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: One day little Johnny came home from school full of questions. He had heard some new words on the playground, and didn't know what they meant. So, he asked his parents. Now, his parents didn't want to tell him the truth, so they quickly (and poorly) made up some answers. When Johnny asked what "son of a b##~#" meant, his parents told him "priest". When he inquired about the word "s!$!", he was told it meant "food". And when he requested the definition of the word "f&$!ing", he was given a response of "getting ready". Johnny accepted these definitions, and no more was said on the subject for some time.
A few weeks later, the local priest came by for dinner. He arrived a little early, so when Johnny answered the door he said "Hey son of a b$+%~! There's s&@# on the table for dinner, but Mom and Dad are upstairs f~~*ing."
totally not johnnys fault but boy is he gonna get it.
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A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. One student raised his hand and said "G". The teacher asked him "And why is 'g' your favorite letter, Angus?"
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gran rey de los mono wrote: A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. One student raised his hand and said "G". The teacher asked him "And why is 'g' your favorite letter, Angus?" read it three times now im not picking up on it.
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Bob goes to visit his friend Pete out on the farm. He is shocked to find Pete in the barn, dancing naked around his John Deere. "What the f@$+ are you doing?" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing and says "My wife's been ignoring lately, so I talked to my psychiatrist about it and he said I needed to do something sexy to a tractor."
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Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. One student raised his hand and said "G". The teacher asked him "And why is 'g' your favorite letter, Angus?" read it three times now im not picking up on it.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. One student raised his hand and said "G". The teacher asked him "And why is 'g' your favorite letter, Angus?" read it three times now im not picking up on it. ** spoiler omitted ** OOOh yeah ok
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Two cannibals were eating a man they captured. One started at the head and worked his way down, while the other started at the feet and worked his way up. After a while, the one who began cranially asked the other "How's it going down there." The other cannibal replied "Oh, I'm having a ball."
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How do you make a witch itch? Take away the w.
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A man calls 911 and exclaims to the operator "My wife is going into labor, and the contractions are only 2 minutes apart! Help!" The operator asks "Is this her first child?" There is a pause and the man yells in response "NO YOU F~&!ING MORON! THIS IS HER HUSBAND!"
What do you call a woman who sets her bills on fire? Bernadette.
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Why did the hipster stop listening to music while he ran? He broke too many records.
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Proper capitalization is important. For instance, it makes a great deal of difference whether you help your Uncle Jack off a horse, or if you help your uncle jack off a horse.
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Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? He kept getting lost at 'C'.
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A man walks into a diner and tells the waiter "I want a hamburger. Not too rare, not too well-done, but right in the groove. Gimme some fries, too. Not too crispy, not too limp, but right in the groove. Throw in a chocolate milkshake. Not too thick, not too thin, but right in the groove." The waiter nodded and took the order to the kitchen. A few moments later, the cook came out and told the customer "You can kiss my ass. Not on the left cheek, not on the right cheek, but right in the groove."
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A man sits down at a bar and orders a beer. He hears a small voice say "Nice tie," but when he looks around there is no-one near him. He takes another drink and hears the same small voice say "You have beautiful eyes," but again there is no-one nearby. He takes another sip and once again hears that small voice say "You must work out." The man calls the bartender over and says "I think I'm going insane. I keep hearing a small voice say nice things about me!" The bartender smiles and says "Oh, no. That's just the peanuts. They're complimentary."
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How do you get a blonde on the roof? Tell her that her dinner is on the house.
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What starts with "f" and ends with "uck"? Firetruck.
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I'm in trouble with my next-door neighbors. The other day I snuck over to jump on their trampoline. Just I was about done, I heard a voice call out "Hey! Get off my daughter Eileen!"
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Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.
Therefore, Fe + Male = Iron Man.
My wife is a female.
Today is our anniversary.
Therefore, tonight I'm having sex with Iron Man.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: How do you get a blonde on the roof? Tell her that her dinner is on the house. How do you get a one armed blond off the roof?
wave.
A blonde walks into a bar, and asks the bartender "What do you have on tap?" The barman says "Anheuser-Busch". The blonde says "Just fine. How's your penis?"
gran rey de los mono wrote: A blonde walks into a bar, and asks the bartender "What do you have on tap?" The barman says "Anheuser-Busch". The blonde says "Just fine. How's your penis?"
** spoiler omitted **
Yeah I got that one.
Three old women were sitting on a park bench when a flasher stepped up in front of them and whipped open his trench coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke, but the third couldn't reach.
My friend had a dangerous mole removed from his penis yesterday. I doubt he'll try to f$@+ any more of them.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Three old women were sitting on a park bench when a flasher stepped up in front of them and whipped open his trench coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke, but the third couldn't reach. Flasher should of known better. You can't trust old women.
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What do you do with epileptic lettuce? Make a seizure salad.
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My wife and I are approaching our 20th anniversary, and have reached an impasse as to how to celebrate. She wants to go to the Outback Steakhouse. I think we should just have sex. Her mother thinks we should have a ceremony and renew our vows. So we've compromised. We'll have sex out back of the church.
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An American, a Canadian, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, a Japanese, a German, and a Korean walked into a fancy restaurant, and got kicked out for not having a Thai.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: My wife and are approaching our 20th anniversary, and have reached an impasse as to how to celebrate. She wants to go to the Outback Steakhouse. I think we should just have sex. Her mother thinks we should have a ceremony and renew our vows. So we've compromised. We'll have sex out back of the church. 20 years... wow... that poorx20 woman.
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A naked man broke into a local church last night. He led the police on a merry chase all through the building, which ended in the sanctuary when he was caught by the organ.
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A woman answered her doorbell to see a sad man standing on her porch. He said "I'm terribly sorry, Ma'am, but I seem to have run over your cat. To make amends, I'd like to replace it if I can." The woman thought for a moment and then asked "Are you any good at catching mice?"
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Where can you find the largest number of the largest lingerie in the world? On the plains of Africa, there are thousands of Z-bras there.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Where can you find the largest number of the largest lingerie in the world? On the plains of Africa, there are thousands of Z-bras there. OK that one is just bad.
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HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, AMERICA!! SUCK IT, ENGLAND!
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The above post was made in the spirit of light-hearted humor, and not intended to offend anyone.
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He means all the above posts. like everything hes posted^
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Nope, just the one. The rest are meant to offend as many as possible.
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Again, the above post was made in jest. Please don't be offended.
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See now I'm just confused.
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