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I think I need to clean my house. Yesterday a burglar broke in while I was asleep. He woke me up to ask how I could stand to live like this.
Edit: Of course I sleep nekkid. If I didn't my pajamas would get dirty.
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If you can't convince them, confuse them.
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I'm not afraid to die, I'd just rather not be there when it happens.
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I've been waiting for the bus so long that someone just stapled a "Lost Cat" flyer to my chest.
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Kileanna wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: You have the right to remain silent. Don't tell me to shut up! I would never do that. I need you to spread my gospel.
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A conscience is what hurts when the rest of you feels so good.
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Kileanna wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: The value of money is relative. For instance, the $10 your wife or the IRS don't know you have is worth far more than the $100 they do know about. Nekkid and buttery? Yes. Yes, that sounds good. We should make that a part of the service.
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Punniculus wrote: Kileanna wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: The value of money is relative. For instance, the $10 your wife or the IRS don't know you have is worth far more than the $100 they do know about. Nekkid and buttery? Yes. Yes, that sounds good. We should make that a part of the service. Doh! I quoted the wrong thing! Feeling lazy to do it again xD
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What happened? I reply to a post and it disappears? That could be bad.
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Oh, that explains it then.
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XD I deleted because I thought the butter joke was first on the page and it wasn't ans quoted the wrong thing too.
Or it might be magic. I don't know.
Btw, new chapter of Campaign Journal.
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The best way to lie is to tell the carefully edited truth.
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I'll continue to pretend to work as long as they continue to pretend to pay me.
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The human brain is an amazing thing. It starts working before you're born, and only stops when you stand up to speak in public.
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Tired isn't even a temporary state for me anymore. It's essentially become part of my personality.
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As soon as I have a name I can be your paladin, my lord Punniculus. Following the tradition of bards that pretend to be something else.
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Kileanna's unnamed bard wrote: As soon as I have a name I can be your paladin, my lord Punniculus. Following the tradition of bards that pretend to be something else. Who pretends? I am a cleric!
*Dances to Fascinate K.U.B. and then uses Suggestion on her*
Say I am a Cleric.
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H'mmm, 'mild-mannered chef pant assassin', eh?
Full marks for innovation, but I'm not sure how you intend to Hide In Shadows while wearing kekkers decorated with a lurid bell pepper motif. Go and lurk over there and I'll do your Skulking Audit now.
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Kileanna's unnamed bard wrote: As soon as I have a name I can be your paladin, my lord Punniculus. Following the tradition of bards that pretend to be something else. Well, bards are a part of Gaelic lore, and according to Google the Irish word for 'messenger' is 'teachtaire'. Can you work with that?
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I assume it's pronounced something like "tay ach tie air", but I have no idea how wrong that is. Probably very.
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Everything is edible. Some things are only edible once.
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
And so am I
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If people (especially women) could read my mind, I would get punched in the face. Constantly.
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To err is human, to blame others is sign of management potential.
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Just about when I think I can make ends meet, they move the ends.
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My drinking team has a bowling problem.
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Diplomacy is saying "Nice doggy" until you find a big enough rock.
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Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
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Why is it that you can tell someone that there are 4 billion stars in the sky and they will believe you, but tell them that the paint is still wet and they'll have to touch it to be sure.
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No, I would not like to speak to a manager. I want to talk to someone who knows what the f#!* is going on.
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I disapprove of every conspiracy that I am not a part of.
Just got a booty call from life. Apparently it wants to keep f+@#ing me.
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People who take 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
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"Because it would be hilarious" is probably not the best reason to elect someone President.
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What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.
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Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we are dinner. We talked to each other.
It was horrible.
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How do I stay humble? Well, it isn't easy, but I find a good way to start is to be generally bad at everything.
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The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.
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I called the phone company and said "I'd like to report a nuisance caller". The operator said "Oh, no. Not you again."
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The easiest job in the world must be coroner. You do surgery on dead people. What's the worst that can happen? You f@+$ up so badly that they come back to life?
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They say that people can't have everything because they wouldn't have enough space to put it in. I say that "everything" would include an infinite Bag of Holding to put my stuff in.
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There are two kinds of people who don't say much: quiet people, and people who don't shut up.
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I'm so introverted I won't even talk to myself.
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The hardest lesson in life is learning which bridges to cross, and which to burn.
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I ran three miles today. Then I said "Fine, you can have your purse back."
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Time to go, again. I leave you with the words of my grandfather:
Now, you take her easy. And if she's easy, you take her twice.
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Kileanna's unnamed bard wrote: As soon as I have a name I can be your paladin, my lord Punniculus. Following the tradition of bards that pretend to be something else. Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle! A traveling banjo minstrel with a song in your heart and funny tattoos on your head.
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Good news! The Count Dracula Restaurant has changed its name to 'Edward Cuisine', and is now selling burgers.
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