Deep 6 FaWtL


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Good night, John.


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Hey, sexy, where have you left your scales?


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~wicked smile~ I have a feeling that this is not the kind of "Good Night" John would want.


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*Glares with bleary eyes at Sharoth. Ignores him as he empties the trash.*


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Cool... a naked dragon.

Wait... Is it anything like a naked cat??
HOW ugly would a dragon without scales look exactly?

And how much lotion would it require everyday?


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Q: Why don't they serve beer at Math parties?

A: You can't drink and derive...


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*rethinks his position on uni-ball SIGNOs* as he produces some of the finest Greek letters he's ever made*

*:
Former position: Terribly thin, scratchy, use only in a pinch. New position: Decent, but, use only when other, thicker, smoother, and therefore better, gel pen is unavailable. (or out of ink, as in this case)


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Sharoth wrote:

Q: Why don't they serve beer at Math parties?

A: You can't drink and derive...

Hey...Are you trying to get in on my shtick?


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A hotel was the scene of a chess tournament. After the first day, a large group of participants stood in the lobby, bragging about how well they did. The hotel manager yelled at them and told them to get out of the way. When another guest asked the manager why he seemed so mad he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer".


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My friend, a short man named Peter, got a job at a bakery. He specialized in making flatbreads. He loved his job, and would constantly talk about it. I loved hearing his stories about what he did that day. Yep, there's nothing quite like the pita patter of little Pete.


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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Wild West and says "I'm lookin' for tha man that shot my paw."


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I knew a girl with incredibly smooth, unblemished skin. I asked her what her secret was, and she said she bathed in milk everyday. I asked her "Pasteurized?" and she replied "No, just up to the neck".


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I used to date a cross-eyed girl but broke up with her because she was seeing someone on the side.


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Are plastic shrubs fauxliage?


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Would you call a furious assault by an army of corgis Shock and Awww?


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The bad pianist couldn't open the lock because he had the wrong key.


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Poor Mr. Potatohead just got diagnosed with tuber-culosis.


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Steve: "Hey did you hear that the local convent has some eagles nesting on their ledges. They're charging people $50 to come up and look at the eaglets through the windows. Don't you think that's outrageous!"

Janet: "High fee to a nun aerie, I feel ya."


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I decided to get into the screenwriting business, but having no talent made that pretty difficult. Therefore, I decided to hire a bunch of employees to write the scripts for me. But people are too expensive, so I hired animals instead.

The horse was the first to turn in a script. It was ok, and I was tempted, but in the end I had to say neigh.

Next was the cow. Again, a decent script, but I asked for a TV show and she gave me a moo-vie.

The snake's first draft had too much skin, so I told him to shed it.

The elephant's script was fantastic. I'm sure it will really pachyderm the theaters.

The fish's script had so many spelling and grammar errors that I sent him back to school.

I had high hopes for the chimp's script, but it turned out she was monkeying around instead of writing.

The sheep's script was plagiarized. You can't pull the wool over my eyes.

Obviously, the skunk's script just stunk.

I hired a puppy as well, but she just piddled on the paper.


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If you got hurt by a falling bookcase, would those be considered shelf-inflicted injuries?


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Did you here that Sylvester Stallone is doing a commercial for a new beer? They cgi his face onto a bottle and he shouts the slogan "I am the lager!"


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When my wife was pregnant I called her "Spaghetti Sauce". When people asked why, I said "Because she's Prego."


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And now, a poem:

The God of Thunder
Rode off to plunder
Upon his favorite filly.
"I'm Thor!" he cried
To which the horse replied
"Next time use a thaddle, thilly!"


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Remember: An unemployed jester is nobody's fool.


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A neutron walks into a tavern and asks how much a beer would be. The proton behind the bar said "For you, no charge." The neutron asked "Are you sure?" The proton said "Yep. I'm positive."


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And finally, for now at least, a true story.

Several years ago my Dad had part of his large intestine removed. Ever since then he has referred to the part he still has as his "semi-colon".


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What did the rock say to the sledgehammer?

You crack me up.


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Sharoth wrote:
What did the rock say to the sledgehammer?

Same thing he says to everyone...DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?


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Tacticslion didn't favorite one of my jokes. Did he just miss it, or did it somehow offend him. Because all my other jokes have been so inoffensive.


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It 's spreading! You too, Sharoth? I wish I knew jokes in English!


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Kileanna wrote:
It 's spreading! You too, Sharoth? I wish I knew jokes in English!

What do you call someone that speaks three languages?

Trilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Bilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks one language?

American.


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Quote from a video I'm watching: "We grew up in the Hamptons. One day he fell out a boat and he came up redneck. I don't know how that happens."


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English doesn't borrow from other languages. It leads them down dark alleys, beats them senseless, and rifles through their pockets for loose grammar.


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Sharoth wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
It 's spreading! You too, Sharoth? I wish I knew jokes in English!

What do you call someone that speaks three languages?

Trilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Bilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks one language?

American.

'MURICA F*$$ YEAH!!


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You guys rock. It is too bad that I take you for granite.


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Kileanna wrote:
It 's spreading! You too, Sharoth? I wish I knew jokes in English!

I have always like pun-ishing people.


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Kileanna wrote:
It 's spreading! You too, Sharoth? I wish I knew jokes in English!

Gives us what you've got. Besides, sometimes English is the joke. Especially that stuff they speak over there in Britain. That's just messed up.

(That sounds funnier in the redneck voice I've got in my head right now)


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A man in Alabama is brought up before a judge. The judge asks his clerk "What's this man accused of?" The clerk says "Bigamy. He has three wives." The judge says "Three wives?! You idiot, that ain't bigamy! That's trigonometry!"

(Again, sounds best with redneck accents)

Dark Archive

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~looks up from reading the list~ Jokes and puns? At least they are not thwarting my latest plan.


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Sharoth wrote:
You guys rock. It is too bad that I take you for granite.

Well aren't you gneiss.


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One tectonic plate bumped into another. It said "Sorry, bro. That's my fault."


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I would be upset about Sharoth horning in on my bit, but hey, schist happens.


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Whats a geologist's best pick-up line?
Hey, baby. You wanna go behind that outcropping and get a little boulder?


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I fully admit that I am stealing this joke from Robert Asprin's M.Y.T.H.ing in action.

What do you call a Teamster in a suit?

The Defendant.

Note - No offense meant to any Teamsters.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
One tectonic plate bumped into another. It said "Sorry, bro. That's my fault."

You are slipping.


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Unfortunately the only thing funny about me is my face.


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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!!


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What did the surgeon say to the patient?

You do not have any guts.


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Stealing from one person is theft.

Stealing from many is research.


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The wife's response when I start saying too many jokes or puns is to roll her eyes and go into her office, closing the door behind her.

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