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What is this, what is this? I am a very busy ARTISTE! I pray you waylay me in such a manner for *only* the most fitting of challenges...
= Okko the Sand Monster!
Psh. Barely worth my powers!
*conjures demons of air, angels of fire, and genies of water to disperse and dispose of the monster, while her own personal sandworm-like Protean companion bores hole after vitrified hole through its carcass, and she binds the great thing in wicked otherworldly chains and arcane wards, and buries it deep within the very fabric of the planes*
Enough of this. *paints a monstrous portal upon the wall, then steps through it*
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WHATWHAT? Art this a teratopolis I see before moi?!? HIE THEE HITHER, LOT! This witching hour we ride forth to SAAAAAAVE THE STOOORIIIES by charging afast INTO THEIR SWICHSELF PARCHMENT PAGES!
= Styro the Snapping Brute!
Gadzoinks, 'tis most acurious a foe, and manxsome atoo!
But I tarry not Un Augenblick longer! HAVE AT THEE, STYRO!
*charges atop his mighty camel straight down Styro's snapping maw - only to continue charging right out the other end, his near-unbearably shiny armor unnaturally unmarred by gore, ichor, viscera, offal, slime, or whathavestthee - generous dosings of the camel's spittle also seem to have corroded much of Styro's eco-unfriendly insides, degenerating large segments into so much recyclable slag-plastic*
*continues charging, Styro's puffy, lightweight heart still impaled upon his lance, into the distance...and from there...gods alone know where....*
Look at all you late night folks. Unusual.
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Alright, what the Hell is going on here? *cracks knuckles, as well as a disturbing number of other difficult-to-identify body parts*
= Doomskull the King of Fear!
Who-ho, okay, a worthy adversary! Come to Sister Kali....
POW!
KICK!
HYIAA!
STOMP!
BAM!
STOMP!
CRACK!
STOMP!
ZOOORT-ZOOORT!
*sharp inhalation of breath*
SMASH!
CRUSH!
STOMP!
FLIP!
TRIP!
STOMPSTOMPSTOMP!
BOOT TO THE HEAD!
*sharp, deeper inhalation of breath, followed by some kind of probably-R-rated sound*
*bows*
Nice to eat you, Master Doomskull. *looks back up at anyone else present* Mortuary services will be held at midnight sharp when Sunday becomes Moonday.
Nobody holds a Monster Party but does not invite...THE CLAW!
= Koldo the Arctic Warrior!
Hang on, THE CLAW will need to put on some warm gloves...
*does so*
GOTCHA!
**GETS* Koldo, who is dragged away kicking and screaming, and never, ever seen again*
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*wanders in with a gaze at once morose, terrifying, subdued, and inhuman*
= Shamani the Raging Flame!
Oh. Fire. That's not so bad.
*pours a series of oils and lacquers over his staff, then proceeds, slowly, but nimbly, surely, and quite courageously, to thrash Shamani into so many scattered sparks, barely paying heed to the flames licking his own unholy flesh*
*gives everyone one last creepy-ass, cephalopoid stare before wordlessly moving on to...wherever*
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SMARMY UNSEEN ANNOUNCER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Otherkin and Things, I give you - THE AMAZING VANZETTI!"
= Serpio the Slithering Shadow!
Oh, such a cliche, this one. Ah, well. Give the people what they want....
*it turns out that what the people want is a bit of nasty shrapmetal thrown around, a bright colored light or two, some weird illusions, a bit of manipulation here and there, a bizarre preponderance of obviously divine magic, some gore, some heroics, and lots and LOTS of pyrotechnics and explosions*
...Aaaand there you have it: Light hath triumphed over Darkness, and they all lived Happily Ever After, because why not? My verse in this vanity of violent vaudeville is now void. *takes a grand bow before levitating up and away*
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Lalar...?
= Terra Curse of the Forest!
I think I've heard of her: Terra CUT-HER, right?
*At the utterance of the parrot's horrific pun, Terra's skin/bark/leaves/shell/dirt layers/petals/whatever she's got immediately begin to slough off her layer by layer; there is a long chase around the forest involving a lot of lethal magical sass, supplemented by the ocassional bushwhacking, deadfalling, tossing of rocks, sticks, and vials of alchemical weapons, and a couple of NASTY parrot-bites; eventually Xavante emerges from the forest victorious, its "Curse" seemingly broken*
T-th-the-That's All, Folks! *steals some nuts and fruits from Malvel's table, then flies away*
This thing you guys are dong looks exhausting.
My dong looks exhausting too.
Been looking for an interesting fight, given that the current direction seems to be dumbing down the situation.
Quarg the Stone Dragon
Well, that's an extremely obvious typing. Let's be generous and assume literally god-tier stats, (i.e. 120 across the board) fully invested physical attacker. I'll be using princess
My mon's HP: 397
they outspeed me, so
hits on a 5+, 19-20/*1.5 crit
188*1.5=282 after rounding
115 hp left.
hits on a 2+, not damaging.
I drain 55 HP and heal an extra 24 from an item, putting me at 184 hp.
Turn 2, I have them protect themselves so no incoming damage. I heal to 273 hp.
Turn 3:
195 damage. Princess is at 78
Flash cannon has full accuracy, so it's just the crit roll
174 damage, putting my opponent at 23% after the leech seed drain. We're at 157 hp at end of turn.
Turn 4 is another protect, putting us at 236 and them at 11%. Next round is the decider.
I attempt to double-protect:
203
Leech Seed takes them down, leaving princess standing with 20% remaining hp.
Simple enough, though I might want a setup sweeper to really plow through this horde
Edit: and apparently they had a significant damage-boosting item without the usual drawbacks (life orb, for the curious). weird.
I have brought my own: Glognor: the Unwelcomed Fist.
Now, let's make this easier on everybody and just have your little fellows line up. No stragglers. Trying to get away will only make things worse, but feel free to cry out: he likes it better than way.
Can he play the bongos?
I don't mean 'play the bongos' - I can tell he does that, judging by the stains and the smell; is he a skilled bapper of tiny drums?
I'll be using princess
** spoiler omitted **
Me too.
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*Confidentially strides into the room, clapping his hands and lightly chuckling.*
A marvelous display by you all, however, it will take far more than that to defeat my beasts. The CLAW came very close to achieving victory (and we don't EVER talk about GoatToucher's "magnificent creature"), but if any of you desire to truly win, you will need to do your research (IRL, mwahaha!) Or, if you are too lazy, just ask me! Here's a couple of hints, since I'm feeling generous, Koldo is made of ice so he's extremely weak to fire with his shield being the source of his power. And Terra (who is male, Xavante, not female) has a small, white flower growing on his body (that he can have appear anywhere, but usually it's in his top branches) that keeps him alive. Simply, pick the flower (like you would any other) and Terra will be vanquished.
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*Takes a strike at Comte de Malodor, only to realise that he is too far away and so, grunts in frustration at what must now be done.*
*JUMP.*
*Lands safely on the ground, begins to walk to Comte de Malodor in an awkward and uncomfortable manner, then gives up and goes back into the trees which allows for easy movement.*
*Senses weakness*
GROOAAAARRRRR!!!!
*Charges out of nowhere while Claw, the Giant Monkey is on the ground and vulnerable*
*Leaps at Claw and slashes with taloned feet, before driving it to the ground*
*Tears out Claw's throat*
*Starts tearing out chunks of Claw and eating them*
My dong looks exhausting too.
....
WTF....
*whew* I think I'm good.
*Confidentially strides into the room, clapping his hands and lightly chuckling.*
A marvelous display by you all, however, it will take far more than that to defeat my beasts. The CLAW came very close to achieving victory (and we don't EVER talk about GoatToucher's "magnificent creature"), but if any of you desire to truly win, you will need to do your research (IRL, mwahaha!) Or, if you are too lazy, just ask me! Here's a couple of hints, since I'm feeling generous, Koldo is made of ice so he's extremely weak to fire with his shield being the source of his power. And Terra (who is male, Xavante, not female) has a small, white flower growing on his body (that he can have appear anywhere, but usually it's in his top branches) that keeps him alive. Simply, pick the flower (like you would any other) and Terra will be vanquished.
Let me present MOBLIIPWANG, a mile-long chain of interlinked concrete bagels who can only be defeated by faxing the Montenegran Ministry of Agriculture page 53 from the August 1997 issue of 'Armoured Stamp Dealer's Digest'.
What the "other" hairy one said.
Lets see.
Sepron the Sea Serpent
Hey, Midgard Serpent. I found a relative of yours.
Should I kill it?
That would be my 6th cousin on my mother's side.
Better not, don't want to upset that side of the family.
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Can he play the bongos?
I don't mean 'play the bongos' - I can tell he does that, judging by the stains and the smell; is he a skilled bapper of tiny drums?
:tsk: Stereotypes.
Look, we know that every drummer is a dirty and shirtless deviant, but not all dirty and shirtless deviants are drummers.
:shudders: Yuck. Filthy.
I have returned to take my prize.
GRRAAOOAARR???
*Snaps up a few small monkeys, looks very frustrated at the disappearance of a decent meal*
*SNAARRRR...*
->Ronak the Toxic Terror
*Not stupid enough to try eating that*
->Kanis the Shadow Hound
*That doesn't look edible either*
->Rashouk the Cave Troll
*Okay, there we go*
*Starts stalking Rashouk the Cave Troll, looking for an opening*
*Grrrrrrr...*
*Summons myriad tiny barrel-organs to deal with the tiny monkeys*
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*Pushes "The Golden God" aside in annoyance.*
That's the trouble sometimes with evil beasts, they're often made from something else. Still, the Monster Party is actually quite entertaining.
*Sees Bloodfang going after Rashouk, with Ronak and Kanis stalking behind him.*
Bloodfang, a quick word of warning, Rashouk is one of my "Ghost Beasts" so he can enter a transparent state of being. Also, the claws on his right hand are laced with a magical poison that can turn anything (even Rashouk himself if he's not careful) to stone. Now, if you'll excuse me.
*Begins to conjure up a spell.*
He's a true innovator.
I didn't think that anything would make you shudder, GoatToucher, or that you'd consider anything filthy.
I have been face to "face" squamous horrors, above mere form and substance, beyond such paltry considerations as space and time, and not quailed. Indeed, that I have found ways to cause a shudder to run through even their protean bulk, to evoke revulsion in their unknowable minds, is a point of singular pride.
But drummers? Drummers are gross.
We often hear him echo in the night.
Do you think he would fit in with your Accordion Band?
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*Sits atop a branch in the highest part of the jungle, feasting on the members of Pulg's various music bands and scattering the bones when they have been completely consumed.*
*YAWN!*
*Moves across the branches to a freshly made leaf hammock, lies down in it, gazes down at the jungle floor (where all the bones and smashed up music instruments are), then goes to sleep.*
*Gives Malvel an irritated look*
*Baits Rashouk into swinging at him, dodges with incredible speed, then siezes its right arm in his jaws, rips it off, and drives the claws into Rashouk's left arm all in one motion*
*Tosses poisoned claw at Ronak in irritation at it being inedible*
*Pulverizes statue of rest of Rashouk in frustrated rage*
*Stomps off into forest in search of something he can actually EAT already*
Do you think he would fit in with your Accordion Band?
I'm always interested in new and more appalling forms of musical atrocity, so I would say 'yes'
Now, combing through the grass beneath the monkey's feeding hammock, I can find at least one scrap of flesh from each member of my stable of artistes, so you'll excuse me while I quickly cast True Resurrection on them all.
Being an ex-god has some uses.
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But GoatToucher, you yourself are also a drummer and a very good one at that!
How dare you.
When I rhythmicaly beat on skin with blunt objects the music is secondary at best.
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Now, now, GoatToucher he was merely complimenting you whilst stating how strange he found certain concepts of you. The Nosferatu is quite harmless.
*Sees what has become of Rashouk and Ronak.*
Oh dear, looks like I've got some work to do.
*Casts a spell to revive the both of them, then Kanis appears and drops something on the ground near my feet.*
What's this? Bloodfang's severed head? Well, I guess he shouldn't have ignored you.
But GoatToucher, you yourself are also a drummer and a very good one at that!How dare you.
When I rhythmicaly beat on skin with blunt objects the music is secondary at best.
So you are a drummer!
O_O
*Suddenly charges out of nowhere, leaps onto the distracted Kanis, and disembowels it with its talons*
*Take that you kill-stealing shadow hound! I was going to eat that rival tyrannosaur!*
*Sees Malvel nearby, begins to advance slowly and menacingly*
*Dark wizards, at least, are usually made out of meat...*
GRRRRRRrrr....