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Sovereign Court

I thought it would have been Sonny.


No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you

Sovereign Court

If you believed in life after love, you'd have left this thread ages ago! That is, unless like everyone else on this thread, you have no life. Still, I'm glad you made a full recovery from being killed by that inner ninja of yours.


Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Sovereign Court

*Grabs Sergeant Baskerville with tail, brings him to the hammock, then eats him alive.*


Yeah I'm like Vandal Savage immortal. blenders, dragon fire, grand pianos. Just an inconvenience really.


Come now, Vid - you're not an inconvenience!


You know what Pulg your right!

Sovereign Court

Indeed, the only people who consider you an inconvenience would be those that seek to kill you (which may or may not be the same people using the bathroom after you).


Stinky Poo! :(


Actually, all that hair makes him difficult to digest. If you don't think a bezoar is inconvenient... well, let me assure you that it is.


In which spells or alchemical preparations is Vidmaster7 a component, pray?

Sovereign Court

As a substitute for all spells and alchemical preparations that requires a substantial amount of hair. In particular "hair of the dog".


So mostly spells involving Cailean Cayden.

Sovereign Court

*Belches, causing the skull of Sergeant Baskerville to shoot out from the mouth and hit Vidmaster7 on the head (who is thankfully wearing a helmet this time).*


The strange thing is that his hair coverage is so thick and complete that he is entirely indigestible.

I want you to imagine devouring someone whole, and then having that person pass through your gastrointestinal tract whole, ultimately... excreting them whole.

Imagine them wriggling as they went. Imagine what that would do to your colon. Imagine the state of your anus after he passed through, head and shoulders wide. Imagine the "birth" screams.

...it was wonderful.


Don't talk to me about screams. Freshly commissioned 2nd Lt. Comte de Malodor reporting from the howling plains of Acheron, in the middle of the Blood War. I am in charge of a battery of lemure artillery - it's a good job they have no bones, as it makes it easier to stuff them down the cannon - and the tedium and horror of armed conflict have inspired me to become a War Poet, like Vidal Sassoon.

*Ahem*

There was a young fellow from Hades
Who became quite a hit with the ladies
Both devils and demons
Queued up for his semens
As did Cardinal Conor O'Grady.

Sovereign Court

Lady Blackmoor, Dowager Comtesse De Malodor, please may I kill him? He's been a good friend to me for many years I know, but that poem of his has crossed the line.


Believe me, Count, I sympathise deeply, but killing him now would jeopardise my alliance with Mestophiles, so please hold off.


Also, Lashcastrakaa will gnaw your balls off if you try. She seems to have grown quite attached to the little oik.


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HHHUSBANT! FETCH ME ZE VISCERA OF A THOUSANT SUCCUBI TO ADORN THE VALLS OF MY ZITADEL!


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What was wrong with the 'Live, Laugh, Love' sign I bought you?

Sovereign Court

I believe that she sold it for a new brand of GoatToucher furniture polish to keep her torture devices looking good (particularly the Brazen Bull).


Man that guy and branding.

Sovereign Court

So sayeth he who endorses most of the brands (particularly the carpet cleaner).


It works wonders on Pulg.


So do gravy granules.


I don' t know what that is.


The sort of powdery/granular stuff you make instant gravy out of?

Unless 'gravy' is a word you people use to refer to the President in Chief of the New Wisconsifornian Rough Rangers or something.


Hey, be respectful when talking about Rangers you mangy excuse for a mop.

Sovereign Court

Ranger Alissa?! I thought I had soundly defeated (and subsequently killed) you along with that wretched bear of yours when you refused to pay the rent you owe me (you were six months overdue, now the amount has increased significantly).


t! back you vile creature!

This is my win.

Liberty's Edge

...Nebago!

*runs Vidmaster7 over with a Schwartz-powered RV at a ludicrous speed*

Sovereign Court

So there is life on this thread after all. Excellent, now we begin operations to harvest the rock for precious gemstones and other valuable minerals. While we're at it, we should probably also look for some hosts to help expand the company's growth and development.

*Two dozen mining trucks roll up and a large drilling platform is set up.*

Let's get to work then.

*Drilling commences.*


Do you mind? Some of us are trying to sleep here.

Sovereign Court

A potential host for new generations has been located.

*Cultists teleport to Lady Blackmoor's location and bring her back to the main base.*

Host has been acquired, begin the procedure.

*Lady Blackmoor is injected with the cult gene-seed and then placed in the gestation chamber.*

Continue with mining operation, newly acquired host's progress will be monitored at all times. We expect the first generation to be born within the next few weeks.


Hmm I guess I'd rather have aliens then vampires.

Sovereign Court

You say that when we all know that you recently became an alien vampire yourself. Who or what decided to bite you must out of their minds!


Fester, my daughter has been kidnapped by some ghastly fortune-hunting four-armed cads. Fetch Count Reiner - I'll tell Alphonse and darling Lashcastrakaa.


I must say I'm less than impressed with this spa. Who do I have to shoot with a plasma cannon to get a pedicure around here, hey?

Sovereign Court

Hostile activity detected, prepare tribute to aid in negotiations.

*Food, gemstones and other valuable minerals, slaves, ancient texts, high quality machinery, well trained soldiers/workforce and multiple trinkets are placed in the export chute. Ready to be sent to Dowager Comtesse de Malodor.*

Activate primary safety protocols, have secondary safety protocols standing by if hostile activity does not cease. Keep monitoring new host, accelerate gestation process if necessary.

*Cultists enter the gestation chamber with bountiful amounts of food and various luxury items and other things needed to keep Lady Blackmoor content.*

The host must remain in healthy condition, the generations depend on it.

Sovereign Court

What's all this now? A GeneStealer Cult THIS side of the multiverse? And what's more they have become a mining industry and kidnapped Lady Blackmoor to spawn more of them (well, I guess that Dowager Comtesse de Malodor will be able to say that she's a grandmother now and who knows, maybe they can help her with that blood war still going on). Still, that was a very risky move in the first place. Fortunately, I have obtained some new maidens that they can use for hosts instead of Lady Blackmoor.


I feel like we just need to go ahead and move this thread to the RP section.


Dearest darling honeybunch sweetie cupcake, are genestealers CE, NE or LE?


VHATEVER ZHEY ARE, ZHEY VILL SKVIRM IN AGONY BENEAS MY BARBED ADAMANTINE STILETTO HEELS!!!!


What that person said^


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Ranger Alissa?! I thought I had soundly defeated (and subsequently killed) you along with that wretched bear of yours when you refused to pay the rent you owe me (you were six months overdue, now the amount has increased significantly).

I told you, I gave it to one of your lackeys while you were out.

*Shows receipt.*
Just because you killed the lackey in a fit of rage before he could give it to you is not an excuse to extort more money out of me.

And if you know what is good for you, my father the lich keeps an eye on on me at all times.


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
What's all this now? A GeneStealer Cult THIS side of the multiverse? And what's more they have become a mining industry and kidnapped Lady Blackmoor to spawn more of them (well, I guess that Dowager Comtesse de Malodor will be able to say that she's a grandmother now and who knows, maybe they can help her with that blood war still going on). Still, that was a very risky move in the first place.

No child of mine will EVER spawn with a Tyranid! I demand Chaos Marauder or better!

It's a real shame that Juliette and Abaddon the Despoiler never hit it off. {Sigh}

Sovereign Court

*Teleports in front of Dowager Comtesse de Malodor, with Lady Blackmoor safe and sound (though it is obvious that she did give birth).*

I spoke with the GeneStealer Cult and they do extend their most deepest apologies. To ensure no further hostility, the Mining Corporation has agreed to finance the Blood War and send troops and vehicles to aid you. In fact, those that have been spawned by your daughter are unquestionably loyal to you alone. Also, unofficially, this particular GeneStealer Cult has devoted itself to the powers of chaos. Here's their patron deity!

*Holds aloft, a small golden figurine statue of Dowager Comtesse de Malodor.*


Oh, how very charming. Darling, are you alright?

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