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Sovereign Court

Alright, time for me to put an end to the Vidmaster7 versus Pulg fight.

*Douses both individuals with a "potion of XP gain" which causes them both to level up.*

And as for you Sissyl, here, take these!

*Hands Sissyl a map to all of the gyms and a "fast pass" to instantly access them.*

There! Now that's done, I'm off!

*Flies away to the number one tropical resort (yes I'm talking about GoatToucher Island).*

I actually thought we were done throwing down when he wondered off but hey free level!

Free level is free. And no VidPulgs. Win all around.

Yes especially the no mutant hair hybrid part.

I'm nothing but mutant hair hybrid and suet.

Another reason I'm glad I didn't get combined

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Either one you you related to Cousin Itt?

*looks at Pulg expectantly*

We grew from the same mouldy lump of cheese in around 1947, if that's what he means.

Sovereign Court

Yeah, because Vidmaster7 is related to an oompa-loompa who once at some hair toffee. I should know, I was there at the birth.

*People start looking at me funny (alright, MORE funny than usual).*

I was the surgeon who performed the cesarian that helped bring the oompa-loompa into the world!


Hey Poogie. What's happening?

Scarab Sages

Scuttlebutt says that, having spent much time contemplating his relationship with Zarongel, he's retrained his Cleric levels into Sacred Fist Warpriest, that he may enter the ring as a prize-fighting POOGilist!

Sovereign Court

Don't believe a word of it! That nefarious scoundrel, Scuttlebutt, is always spreading rumours (regardless of whether there's truth in the matter) all for the sake of attention!

Is a scuttlebutt an X-rated skittermander?

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I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
... he's retrained his Cleric levels into Sacred Fist Warpriest, ...

I have several levels in the Unwelcomed Fist subclass. It's come in very handy.

There is nothing sacred about it.

Schism wrote:
Hey Poogie. What's happening?

Hello Schism-miss.

Been quiet. No warz with gorillas and rats.
Too little happen at goblin fun.

For you?

Chaos, Mayhem - The usual shenanigans.

Speaking of which, I wonder when Baked Bean Enema Tuesdays (warm or cold - your choice) will return? It's been six months since The Incident, and I would have thought that the police would have lost interest by now.

* tosses a box of donuts into a bottomless pit *

* watches as a dozen police officers jump in after it *

They have now.

... oompa loompa digity slay
I will expose count heydrich to the day

Sovereign Court

Go ahead! I wear sunblock!

*Shows everyone the sunblock bottle, which also states that the product was made by GoatToucher.*

This stuff is great! I need only apply a thin layer of it and not only does it stop me from getting sunburn (even if I were to lay on the sun itself) but my skin feels so soft and supple!


Scarab Sages

OKAY, EVERYONE: It's time for us all to answer the age-old question, 'what happens when we try to type 'Benedict Cumberbatch' with our eyes closed?'

Because BEHOLD:

b3n3eid5 duumb34 batdh

AWW I was for sure I had won this time.

You might have won tree fiddy.

Sorry. You might have won, Tree Viddy. Swamp Viddy, Mountain Viddy and Savannah Viddy might also have emerged victorious, depending on the terrain type.

So says vebeduict byunmvervatcgh, ex-Chief Rabbi of Bialystok

Say what now?


What now?

Definitely not the last question.

Sovereign Court

Hey, Vidmaster7, I'm standing outside I'm the sun! What did you intend to do to me by exposing me to the sunlight? Was it just to kill me or did you have an ulterior motive? Because, if you did, GoatToucher would want to have a word with you.

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* wanders in, sniffing the air *

Bacon! Bacon! I smell bacon!

* walks over to Count Reiner Heydrich and takes a bite out of his leg *

Oh, sorry - seems GoatToucher's sunblock, when applied to vampire skin and exposed to sunlight, produces a scent not unlike bacon frying.

* chews and swallows the bit of flesh *

Makes it taste like, too.

Sovereign Court

That's not me, my ursine friend, but I didn't exactly say whether I was alone in the sunlight or that I hired an impersonator. Still, that is quite the discovery (and thank goodness I applied a very thin layer onto myself).

*Quickly checks wristwatch.*

Don't mind me, Fred, I'm just checking the time so that I know when you will die as consuming vampire flesh results in fatal gastric poisoning.

Scarab Sages

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Woulja look at that??? The Count is in broad daylight, drinking wine...and eating chicken!

With your complexion... I will destroy you with skin cancer!

* Burp *

I wouldn't worry about me, friend Count. I've eaten vampire before - and far worse - the worst I experience is * Burp * burping more than normal.

* Burp *

I'm glad * Burp * you're okay though.

I just can't resist bacon.

* Burp *

Oh, excuse me.

Sovereign Court

Vidmaster7, it's impossible for a vampire to get skin cancer (mainly because of the obvious) as a matter of fact we vampires are immune to all diseases. Trust me, the last person who tried that wound up needing to apply several applications of repose cream (and yes, the individual was indeed GoatToucher).

*Puts on a GoatToucher brand gasmask.*

Oh Fred, I believe that Uncle Teddy once told me that when you (Fred) eat otherworldly things (because my impersonator was from another world like me), you get even more gassy than usual.

*Holds breath (somehow) and counts backwards from ten.*

Oh, those are some of my favorite products! The process by which I gather the necessary fluids for the repose cream is delightfully groin-curdling! The subject must be in just the right state of mind when you harvest: a succulent combination of terror and gratification.

And the gasmask? 100% organic scrotum leather. "What kind of scrotum?" I'll never tell!

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Didn't Scrotum Leather Gasmask support Dirty Hannukah on their '76 tour?

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No, that was their '78 Tour. Flaming Barbed Codpiece was the '76 tour.

Sovereign Court

Yeah, they were. Grandpa Wonderbra and I just so happen to be part of an organisation that helped finance the new movement of peace and love: the Velvet Underground! (I got the name from a failed rock band).

Also, I don't care what kind of leather the gasmask is made of, just as long as it does it's job of preventing me from suffering from a gas attack. Seriously, I've used GoatToucher products so much now that there's no going back.

Sovereign Court

Oh, almost forgot. Those of us who are part of the Velvet Underground always got free stuff, like this Flaming Barbed Codpiece t-shirt!

I slept thru '77.

In 1817,
It was a very good year.
For housemaid's bums,
And biscuit crumbs,
And jammy smears;

It was a very good year.

Sovereign Court

What year was that Comte de Malodor, 1817, you say?

*Ponders for a moment.*

I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure that it was in 1817 that I pulled a prank on you by placing a mousetrap in your favourite cookie jar and when you fell for the trap you staggered backwards and fell out of the window in your highest tower and promptly plummeted to your death. Naturally you got resurrected and we all had a laugh about it.

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And then, since we were in the mood for merry japes and capers, I snuck a mixture of pureed garlic and liquid sunshine into your dinnertime decanter of fresh human blood! Your face was a PICTURE!!!!

Scarab Sages

I saw the whole thing! I was Hiding In Your Closet the whole time!

Sovereign Court

Indeed, liquid sunshine is very potent, gives one the look of being drunk and looks like they're about to sneeze at the same time. Puréed garlic ain't to bad, it never can be faster in human blood (or any blood for that matter), but whatever you put it in does have an enhanced flavour.

*Goes over to the closet that IHIYC is currently hiding in and shuts the door.*

I thought we got rid of all the people who told bad jokes.

You missed a few and they bred like rabbits.

Theirs a new face. a new golden red eyed face.

Is it Cher?

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