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Pulg wrote:
How do you keep them up - with suspenders made from granite, I assume?

Shale, actually.


The last win was a good one. lets see how this one does.


Not very well. Not very well at all!


7 minutes... yeah that was abrupt.


It was.


You folks are on it tonight.

Sovereign Court

It was the morning and I don't do mornings!


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I would not expect you to do mornings, Count.


I do mornings.

There are very few things I don't do, to be fair, at least where housemaids are concerned.

Sovereign Court

Comte de Malodor, you are a good friend but, what I am about to do is absolutely necessary!

*Picks up a heavy time and whacks Comte de Malodor over the back of the head with it. Rendering him (temporarily) unconscious.*

It's better that I did it than anyone else, especially GoatToucher.

*Begins to walk away, only to hear strange noises, turns around and sees Jambi pulling the unconscious Comte de Malodor away.*

Oh dear...


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{The Comte awakes, blinking his eyes and shaking his head}

Oooh, mon diable, never again will I combine Calvados, opium and blue cheese enemas and the tender attentions of Madame Flaybuttocks - what an arm that woman has! Why, hello!

{He siezes Jambi's hand. The pair perform a curious sort of handshake, exchange mystic grunts, then scamper off to the Grand Lodge of GoatToucher Island to have fun with aprons, protractors and unhewn ashlar}


A fate worse than death.


Hmm He would know too^


Vick Tim wrote:
A fate worse than death.

That is the idea, after all. Why fear death, when there is so much else to fear?

Scarab Sages

So here's something nice and stupid postmodern that a sudden curiosity about 20th-Century Rennaissance man Peter Ustinov somehow led me to: Let's assemble "The Team!" As you can see, I didn't set the mold, so don't blame me if you see redundant/superfluous/absent roles. I think it helps to diversify sources and assume no historical Earth.

My The Team:

Leader - Rene Korda
Muscle - The Tick
Brains - The Phantom of the Opera
Booty - Dr. Frankenfurter
Speedster - Sonic the Hedgehog
Mage - Corak the Mysterious
Pet - Thing Addams
Healer - Igor, of the Überwald Igors
Mentor - The Monolith
Scientist - Fu Manchu
Robot - Marvin
Fighter - Minsc
Alien - Yog-Sothoth
Demon - Maxwell's Demon
Gunslinger - Atticus Finch
Android - Data
Ninja - Carmen Sandiego
Badass - Magneto
Swordsman - Adrian Fahrenheit "Alucard" Ţepeş
Gambler - Rick Blaine
A~@#%@~ - Hamlet
Kid - Kevin McAllister
Killer - Bart the Holistic Assassin
Undead - Beetlejuice
Joker - Malcolm the Jester


MY The Team

Leader - Skeletor
Muscle - Marv
Brains - Dr. Buckaroo Banzai PhD, MD
Booty - 1960's era Helen Mirren: time traveller
Speedster - Fox X-Men film Quicksilver
Mage - Mentok: the MIND TAKER
Pet - Speak the capybara
Healer - Medic from TF2
Mentor - Noriyuki "Pat" Morita (No, not Mr. Miyagi: The comedian.)
Scientist - Dr. Buckaroo Banzai PhD, MD
Robot - Bender B. Rodriguez
Fighter - 1980's Steven Segal: other time traveller
Alien - Centauri from Last Starfighter
Demon - Rise, the Demon: Etrigan
Gunslinger - Grammaton Cleric John Preston
Android - Jim Hammond
Ninja - Stick
Badass - The Shade
Swordsman - Zatoichi
Gambler - Lando Calrissian
A&$$%$# - Denethor
Kid - Newt
Killer - S.C.U.D. Disposable Assassin
Undead - Zombie Kaiser Wilhelm II (Yippee-wippee! Wippee! )
Joker - Shemp Howard

Scarab Sages

Holy s#@!! I'm glad I assembled my The Team, so they could arrive in the nick of time to stop GoatToucher's The Team from Winning!

Seriously...Shemp? Of all the Stooges??? That would just never do. Just because you combine Curly's schtick with Moe's hair does NOT equate to combining their powers.


Team Pulg.

Leader - Pulg
Muscle - Herculo-Pulg
Brains - Illithpulg
Booty - Pine Scented Nicki Minaj
Speedster - Mercuro-Pulg
Mage - Mordenpulgain
Pet - Scrappy Pulg
Healer - Dr Pulg
Mentor - A little fizzy sweet that explodes when you put it in Coke
Scientist - Professor Pulgphen Hawkpulg
Robot - Mecha-Pulg
Fighter - Nicki Minaj, Warrior Princess
Alien - Xpulgxblopsioupl of Alpha Pulgturai
Demon - Mestopulgiphes
Gunslinger - Machinegun Mrs. Goldberg
Android - Cyber-Pulg
Ninja - Ghost Boob Assassin
Badass - Chuck Pulgris
Swordsman - The Grey Pulger
Gambler - 'Snake-Eyes' O'Pulgery
A&$$%$# - Naughty Pulg
Kid - Pulg Jr.
Killer - Pulg of the Bloody Beard
Undead - Pulgerak, the Demi-Pulg
Joker - Steve Pulger.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

Holy s*#&! I'm glad I assembled my The Team, so they could arrive in the nick of time to stop GoatToucher's The Team from Winning!

Seriously...Shemp? Of all the Stooges??? That would just never do. Just because you combine Curly's schtick with Moe's hair does NOT equate to combining their powers.

As a friend, I say this with all affection and respect: Shut your whore mouth.

Sovereign Court

I don't need a The Team, I can achieve the Win on my own!


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

You're dealing with GoatToucher - a team is required if for nothing more than to serve as cannon fodder.


I feel like that game should be its own thread^

Sovereign Court

That does sound pretty cool, Vidmaster7, if I don't get around to making it could you bring it to life?

In the mean time, I'll just take the win (also, I technically have a team of sorts, I just didn't want to put them into any specific categories).


* grabs the Win from Count Reiner Heydrich and carries it over to the banquet table *

Sovereign Court

*Chuckles in delight.*

Such a marvelous bear! I can tell that he knows more about things than what first meets the eye. And fair enough, I don't mind not having the Win. After all, we're still enjoying a lovely banquet!


We are, though I don't like how you keep talking slaveringly about 'the main course' while staring at our necks.


Eh seems like a time investment however maybe one day.

Sovereign Court

*Scoffs at Pulg's comment.*

Bah! You only say that because I'm showing you up in front of your own wives! Anyway I neither bite people nor do I still at the mouth like some fleabitten cur (or Poog). To say that I don't consume blood would be untrue, but MY wives and I use special "blood chalices" to sate our craving.


Which are on a special contract basis.

They never run out.


Well alright guys time to take a holiday break see you after new years no reason to post until then...

Sovereign Court

Quite right, Vidmaster7, so let us raise a glass and make a toast to the glorious New Year! :-)

*Raises a blood chalice.*

Merry Christmas to all!


Last Christmas, Pulg,
We gave you our little clay hearts.
And the very next day,
You gave them away.


All I can say, darlings, is wait to see what Santa Pulg has bought you.

Sovereign Court

Well, it's about time you got your act together! Honestly do you know just how much they do for you and not only that but -

*Gets interrupted by a mysterious, cloaked figure.*

Figure: "Sorry to interrupt, but your presence is needed to be one of the three Christmas ghosts. The ghost of Christmas present to be exact".

Me: Are you sure you don't want GoatToucher to be that? After all, he's much more lively than I.

Figure: "It has already been decided that he will be the ghost of Christmas future just like how Sissyl is to be the ghost of Christmas past".

Me: *Gasp!* You monster! No matter how wicked someone has been, noone deserves that kind of punishment, never!

Figure: "They disagree, besides, I understand that you specialise in singing the song (I Like Life) do you not?"

Me: Fair enough, hand me that green robe and Holly hat.

Scarab Sages

I really think GoatToucher should be Christmas Present:

First of all, *I* want to be Christmas Yet-To-Come!

Second of all, nobody is better than GoatToucher at lifting the hem of his robe to reveal "Ignorance and Want!"


You guys have terrible listening skills.


Yayyyy! Ghost of Christmas past, b+%%#es!


See I would of pegged you as the ghost of Christmas future. Now I got the Christmas present look going.

Sovereign Court

Talk to the people who decided who gets to be what ghost, if you do, please can you ask them why they wanted me to be the ghost of Christmas present.


*Unwrap unwrap unwrap*

Ohhhh Pulg! It's our hearts! And our kidneys! And our eardrums, and our small intestines, all painted red and gold and encrusted with cubic zircona! You.. you... *sniff* do care!


Of course I do, my precious little brickywickywoos. Since being visited by an educational phantom who closely resembled Sissyl holding a cattle-prod, I have changed my ways and will be a model husband from this day forward, just like Ken. It's a Christmas miracle!


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

I really think GoatToucher should be Christmas Present:

First of all, *I* want to be Christmas Yet-To-Come!

Second of all, nobody is better than GoatToucher at lifting the hem of his robe to reveal "Ignorance and Want!"

Insofar as we all want to be ignorant of whatever lies beneath.


And above.


Pulg wrote:
I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

I really think GoatToucher should be Christmas Present:

First of all, *I* want to be Christmas Yet-To-Come!

Second of all, nobody is better than GoatToucher at lifting the hem of his robe to reveal "Ignorance and Want!"

Insofar as we all want to be ignorant of whatever lies beneath.

But I really want to show you the goodies in my sack...


Show us something new instead!

Oh no.

I really, really, really shouldn't have said that.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Oh this is going to be good.

* grabs a glass of punch and a slice of cake from the banquet table and sits down *

Sovereign Court

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Mind if I join you?


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I mind.


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COME JOIN GURG.

*looks hungrily at the count*


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..Never mind you can join...

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