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Scarab Sages

*gives Schism a trollface buttmask*

So we are just handing out masks willy nilly now?

Liberty's Edge

What's this? oh!


Scarab Sages

Hey GoatToucher! NEW ARRIVAL!

Fly away Pygon, while you still can.

Pyyyygooon... Leave... now...

...or you will end up... us...

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Don't let his name fool you, he is only 35.

Begin the initiation ceremony! Someone light the sacrificial fire and prepare the altar! And give me my face back!

Sorry, we needed your face to make the sacrificial altar in the first place.

Sovereign Court

Don't feel too bad about not having a face, Goddity, I'm the thing that's going to be sacrificed.

Scarab Sages

I didn't know that, COOL! What does one sacrifice the avatar of a god to, I wonder...?

*goes off, paints a black mustache on Goddity's face, wears it to a protest*

Thats my face! Come back here!

*Chases IHIYC*

Scarab Sages

Oh boy, somebody cue the Yakkity Sax!

*escapes by jumping into a barrel and rolling down the street*

*Plays Star Fox main theme instead*

Sovereign Court

*Looks around at the silliness, in despair.*

Someone please, just kill me now!

*Raptor pokes it's head out of the vegetation.*

Clever girl...

*Kicks IHIYCs barrel off Niagra Falls*

Scarab Sages

*the barrel falls to the bottom and cracks into a thousand splinters on the rocks below - there is nobody inside*

Well he's got to be somewhere, and I know just how to draw him out. Anyone want to attend the traditional first annual closet burning?

No, no. You do that for the Summer Solstice. On a moonless night, you use this.

*Takes out a coat hanger-shaped trumpet and blows a long, echoey note*

Scarab Sages


*shows up in MegaClosetZord, full-auto fires collection-of-office-humor-missiles all over the place*

Sovereign Court

So no one noticed that I got killed by a dinosaur? Good luck getting a new sacrifice!

*Plays a harp with all of its strings replaced with spiked chains*

No worries, we'll sacrifice the dinosaur instead. Or maybe that dragon that's playing that harp (badly), over there.

Who cares about the sacrifice? I'm convincing random protesters to replace closets with wardrobes so IHIYC will have no where to hide.

I'd advise against that. A lion leaped out of the last wardrobe I walked by and press-ganged me into a magical adventure to save a kingdom full of good honest folks.

That's your problem. My problem is with clowns in closets.

My problem is with clowns outside closets.

Sovereign Court

I don't have any problems with clowns, in or out of any closets, but Goddity needs to remember that IHIYC has many cousins and one of them is I'm Hiding In Your Wardrobe (IHIYW).

Don't forget I'm Hiding in Your Mailbox (IHIYM).

And his crazy wizard uncle, I'm Hiding In Your Portable Hole (IHIYPH).

I'm Hiding In Your Colon.


Scarab Sages

Yeah, that guy; you'd think superintelligent amoebas would at least aspire to move to tonier neighborhoods....

I couldn't agree more. I am with you 100%. All the way.

Uh, what are neighborhoods?

*hands Schism the Internet* look it up.

Oh right. Forgot about IHIYW. Can't be worse than IHIYC though.

Avast, mere mortals! The last post shall be mine!

Catch up with the times, old man. The hip, young pirates of today say "Yartolly" instead of "Avast."

To hell with the millennial scum, always disrespecting the ways of their elders! There is only one true way to command the attention of your inferiors, and that is with the mighty, time tested exclamation of "Avast!"

Kids these days. Really.

Sovereign Court

Excuse me, SunstonePhoenix, but a sea monster ate your ice cream (half your fortune).

No! There goes my life's work!

Seriously, do any of you have any idea how long it takes to make an entire boatload of ice cream booty?! The constant arcane spells that must be cast to keep it all from melting?!

...C'mon, man. You just had to call a sea monster down from the heavens to eat my fortune, didn't you?

No. The sea monster population here is sharply vigilant for ice cream, and can smell a single dollop of it in the water from ten miles away. Expect more visitors very soon.

Release the Kraken!

The Kraken is currently on vacation in Las Vegas. I could maybe get GoatToucher for you?

Get him, but just sic him on SunstonePhoenix and don't bring him anywhere near me.

Scarab Sages

*uses Goddity's face to audition for new off-Broadway production of The Phantom of the Opera*

I'm a star!

The scene: a cliffside in Greece. SunstonePoenix is chained to a pole.

:An ancient Greek in a loincloth blows a low note from a ceremonial horn, then quickly absconds. Below, the sea begins to teem and froth. The blurbles and groans of some squamous, inhuman -thing- fill the air. Finally, the sea erupts into a geyser a hundred feet high and fifty feet wide, splashing up and over the top of the cliff.

The waters recede, leaving GoatToucher, fully clothed and perfectly dry a few feet in front of the captive."

Why hello...

*begins playing Tiki drum music*

Sovereign Court

Turn me into a chicken, then pluck me tail feathers and call me baldy!

We'll now have a 10-minute intermission before Act 2.

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