Immortal780's cheater's change:
Forgot to mention - I'd expect an Appraise check to be more appropriate here than a Linguistics one.
Star Voter Season 6
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Immortal780's cheater's change:Forgot to mention - I'd expect an Appraise check to be more appropriate here than a Linguistics one.
Whoops, I was going to touch on that. I had initially thought Appraise as well. Given my unfamiliarity with Pathfinder.
As I looked through the skills, Appraise simply covers the assessing of an item's worth. So that would cover bartering or a pawn broker. Linguistics in Pathfinder covers everything that Reading, Forgery, and Decipher Script covered in 3.5; So in this case I figured it was more a matter of examining how well the owner can forge coins on a whim.
For ancient wisdom, I'd try to capture some way to convey advice and warnings. Preferably, an interesting way :D - Perception is a great start, but not enough on its own; I wonder how you could get some kind of scolding-busybody mechanism, or a sage-mentor effect.
Thanks for the thoughts. If I ever need to come back to the item I think it would certainly be from this angel instead. Though I do still like Initiative, there are very few items that add to it and it really does represent a quick reaction time. Perception feels a bit overdone.
You already say, "as if he were using a scroll of that same spell." So I don't think "Doing so is a full-round action (which provokes attacks of opportunity)" is a needed addition. The rules for casting from a spell already cover casting time and attacks of opportunity.
The caster level and DC's make sense. I don't think it would be too overpowered to allow others to cast spells from the book, you don't have any language explaining why the original writer is the only person who can do this. When I see limitations on an item I look to see if there is a logical reason for this, rather than just a rule for rules sake.
The last two sections are good.
A big problem that you mention is using it to get free scrolls. Crafting 11 9th level scrolls costs 42,075 gp. Making this book and writing the spells into it costs 15,500 gp. Bit of a no brainer there.
Even if it is just used to level up, that could be as much as 1.5 million experience. Anyone who knew how to create an item like this would only be limited by the gold they could get. If a 20th level character was getting about 40,000 gp per encounter like standard treasure should dictate they could make a new book every 2-3 encounters. (If it cost 200,000 gp)
Maybe it should possibly be a ritual or location similar to what is presented in the Player's Handbook 2 on character rebuilding.
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Is it just one of the tricks memory tends to play with us, or are these discussions popping up this year more frequently than ever before?
Not sure, as this is my first year of following the contest "live." I've poured over the old contest forums for contest info but didn't read a lot of the outside discussion. I've certainly never noticed the level of criticism directed at the judges that I've seen this year.
I Wont' critique your item, because it obviously is a gag item.
And given that and the fact that making gag items helps you blow steam, I think that we need a new gag item thread :).
Thanks for doing that Azmahel. I'm sorry for posting this here and distracting from the constructive work being done here. I do know for certain that cranking out that gag item kept me from flaming that other poster so I guess it was productive on some level, lol.
Anyway, keep up the great work here everyone! And now back to your regularly scheduled programming...
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Thanks, Scipion del Ferro and Azmahel, for looking at the tome of mystic soul. Azmahel has said elsewhere, quite rightly, he doesn't want people rebutting every comment of his on this thread, so I won't do so unless asked, though I'm otherwise happy to respond.
These are, of course, artifacts.
If such an artifact gives XP, then, the amount bestowed depends at which character level I assume the character uses the tome. About 8th or 9th level seems like a suitable point of remorse, where a player might start saying, "If I'd done things differently I could be a mystic theurge now". It could therefore grant enough XP to advance some part of the way from 8th to 9th level. That amount might vary by the experience track the GM uses, or I could give experience based on the fast track that would only count for a fraction of a level on the slow track. I'd also need to ensure that a lower-level character couldn't get enough XP to advance two levels, very likely by making the tome unusable (reading as complete nonsense for them, even to read magic) for a character of too low a level to qualify for mystic theurge, say, 6th level or lower. Bringing these together, I might set the XP award at the difference between 7th and 8th level on the fast track, or 11,000 XP.
Now that the tome works for a particular level range, just to be contrary, I suggest it can be costed and might not even cost very much. If a character uses the tome to advance from 8th to 9th level, he has gained the experience he would normally get from some number of 8th level encounters, but not the treasure from those encounters. Its price, then, should bear some relation to the difference between wealth by level for 8th and 9th level.
The PHB 2 codified character rebuilding in the manner that this item suggests, with suggestions of a ritual (which this tome requires), location or quest to justify it. I thought also about the blackguard's fallen paladin mechanics, carried into another d20 game for the Sith lord. The blackguard prestige class hasn't been published for Pathfinder, as far as I know, but Gods and Magic uses it extensively in descriptions and stat blocks.
Such a process, in principle, is neutral in its game effect, only allowing the player to make choices that he could, in theory, have made anyway in his character's development. The opportunity to do this doesn't seem out of line with the effects of multiple wishes and I'd be happy to calculate the cost of the rebuilding effect on that basis.
This looks to fall, very roughly, within the range of a headband of mental prowess +4, an ability score tome +2 or at most a headband of mental superiority +4. Is that equivalent to the difference between 8th and 9th level for a spellcaster? An 8th level character couldn't afford to buy such an item nor meet the requirements (earlier) to craft it, so again, this falls outside the design process for ordinary magic items and should be an artifact, but not necessarily a major artifact.
Thanks, Scipion del Ferro and Azmahel, for looking at the tome of mystic soul. Azmahel has said elsewhere, quite rightly, he doesn't want people rebutting every comment of his on this thread, so I won't do so unless asked, though I'm otherwise happy to respond.
** spoiler omitted **...
Oh, that one was about nitpicking about minor details and the big thread, where there are hundreds of items. This thread is small and we are all a close little family ;). After all I don't mind some discussion, if it's constructive and talks about the more important things. ( but even in the big thread I do not mind at all if I get some feedback on my feedback, I just don't know if I'll be able or willing to respond to all of them)
So, Re: your points :)
Yup these gave a certain ammount of XP. Both of these are gone from the game, as well as loosing actual levels through negative levels. The only thing left that manipulates Xp is the deck of many things, which too is an artifact and I think nearly the only reason it still is there is, because a DnD type game has to have a deck of many things. ( and it's still an artifact)
If you want the tome to be available by 8th, to 9th level, it should not cost more than say 20,000 GP ½ of their expected wealth by level. For a say 17th level character this is about 5% of their WBL, so they could easily afford 3 tomes and suddenly be level 20.
If you go for a fixed xp award that problem is alleviated, but still, its a book you can buy that gives you XP. Every character who could benefit this would almost certainly put most of his money into the item. The benefits of an extra level out-weight by far the benefits of any item you could buy.
Just take a look at what an Item that emulates one level would need to give the average caster ( I'm assuming that the extra level would be an odd level, because thats the way most people would use it.)Also assuming Wizard.
+1CL (20,000 GP)
+1 feat of your choice ( most feat giving items cost in the 15-20k range, since you can choose the feat I would say 30k)
+1 Bab (no item that gives this [for a good reason], but since it can give you a new iterative attack, boosts both your CMB and CMD, i would ballpark it at 18,000)
+1 Will saves (untyped bonus, 4,000 gp)
possibly +1 Ref and Fort (2,000gp)
a had full of HP (neglecting for now)
2+Int modifier Skillpoints ( hard to price , say 5000gp for a untyped +5 bonus, probably way more because you can spend the points wherever you like)
max skill rank +1 ( very hard to do. I'll just go with 20,000gp)
2 new spell slots (really hard to price, just going to assume the slts are 6th and 4th level. That would be 52,000 (pearl of power))
2 new spells in spellbook ( minor, but the extra spells known for a sorc would cost a lot)
Access to a new spell-level ( Wow, thats really hard. I think every wizard player when given the choice of a permanent +4 bonus to Int or permanently being able to cast higher level spells, I'll go with 180,000 gp (1.5x Tome of clear thoughts +4))
All that in one item, so most of the abilities would be multiplied by 1.5, and it's slotless ( x2) , untyped (x2) and not dispellable ( x2? ), but some of the above already have such multipliers applied, so if you just add them up you get to: 331,000 gp. Without multipliers.
And without the rebuilding option, or considering all bonuses the item might have, like bonuses from Skill focus, Leadership or other level dependent effects (everything that depends on HD, like DC to initmmidate you, how certain spells affect you, etc.).
The rules in Phb 2 suggest that you use ingame reason to justify such a fundamental change in a character, one that should specifically tailored to the character in question and the change he is aiming for. A magic item that can be bought or created or found doesn't do this judgment. It changes the whole process into something as mundane as buying a new sword, or picking up a feat. That is not something you want. Also consider that some of the benefits of the mystic theurge are balanced by the fact that you have to be dicking around as a Wiz3/ cler 3 for some time, and Players who at level 9 suddenly want to be mystic theurges most likely just want to get the benefits when the class finally becomes strong, without having to play the weak part. After all if they really wanted to be mystic theurges they would have built their characters to be just that from the start, or simply start picking it up then.
The rebuilding rules are by definition optional, and are supposed to be adjusted to fit every players', gm's and groups' needs and by „officially“ introducing an item that allows for rebuilding you are „forcing“ groups to add it to their game, in the form your item provides.
Also you are then forcing Gms to deal with unevenly leveled groups and all the baggage that kind of inter-party imbalance carries around.
Even the minor side effect that noncasters who read from the tome loose one level is a can of worms, because leveling a character down can be a pain in the a$$. (one of the main reasons negative levels don't do that anymore, plus the party-imbalance issue). Also that way might even come up with the idea of weaponzing the tome ;).
Just imagine an item like this, but without the class restriction, in the following situation.
DM: .“..And with that the Ogre mage drops dead and in his Backpack you find a magical tome“
Player1: „What does it do?“
DM: „it gives the character who spends one week reading it one free level-up.“
Player1-5: „I TAKE IT!“
Naturally many groups wouldn't react like that, but sit there, and level headedly discuss how this item can benefit the group the most. Give it to the most powerful character to get the biggest power boost out of the item, or give it to the weakest character, to allow him to shine some more and to unbalance the party the least? But for many the temptation will be too great and selfishness takes over.
But your item doesn't even have this merit. [humor]It has a nice gift-tag: „for the casters, love GM.“ attached to it. [/humor]
I could keep on lamenting on this for quite some time, but this has to suffice for now ;)
Again, I am probably repeating what others have said,
Cauldron of Heroic Brew
Impenetrable Pack
Iron Bone Bracer
Librarian's Satchel
Orb of Projection
Orb of Mental Repose
Seeds of Demon Kind
Thread of Mending
Traveler's Carriage
Iron Bone Bracer I like the name a lot. stone-skin on steroids :) DR 1 /2 is hard to figure DR 2/5/X would be easier. Rust monster implies rust, so it seems backward to have it infuse (fuse?) iron as a benefit. Bullette, gorgon, or even monstrous vermin would be better, IMHO. Can one wear heavy armor and these? The name has alliteration and internal rhyme, not something to always shoot for, but when it works it works. :)
Librarian's Satchel SKR’s #6, #17 and #22. Having access to a full library reduces the need for knowledge skills, much like our interweb or a Kindle. It repeats itself more than once. Does it function like a bag of holding only for books? The spoken title and limit to books can differentiate it from a BofH, but not to any real degree.
Orb of Projection SKR’s #6, #22. I had to look up rutiliated, which sounds like you can leave out the gold. As written, a character can see anywhere. It is not until line 6, you mention scrying on a single target. “the limiting factor’ should be built in not told. for an otherwise improved crystal ball this is meh. But I do like the titanium aspect and that you have tied to magic. I think it just needs a little more focus as to what magics can pass through (a titanium raven suddenly appears on the wizards should and whispers in his ear...).
Orb of Mental Repose SKR’s #24. I think this is useful in very few campaigns. Sleep and rest get narrative assumption in most campaigns. However in a campaign that does concentrate on the sleep/fatigue/potty breaks this item is strong. Going without sleep adds penalties to concentration and I might add this item reduces that as well. :)
Seeds of Demon Kind SKR’s #3, #4, #8, #20. Also Monster in a Can (#1?) The GM now has as many as 12 new critters to control? Ouch. I think the others are self explanatory. I thought some of the descriptions were nicely done (...suddenly split open...) the item might have gained benefit having this earlier in the description. :)
Thread of Mending SKR’s #5/7 and #22 (sensing a trend here? :) way over developed on the backstory, and on the mechanics. Adding another ability to an item is a multiplier, so the cost is exponential based on the base garment.--also enough spools to make your own magic robe is way more expensive than building the 1.5 (?) multiplier in originally. Nice restriction to garments. The core item of a self-mending is not bad, but it is not exciting.
Traveler's CarriageSKR’s #2, #4, #22. passive voice, SV confusion still present and I think the nature scenes night/day differences are superfluous. If characters do not want to travel from place to place, then don’t. Use narrative assumption, or at least pull an Indiana Jone’s-little-red-line-on-the-map montage. Does a bed turn into a chair when the sun comes up? at noon? at 6:33 unless you hit snooze? Does it take four horseman to pull an ethereal dimension? Does the automoton avoid hazards? shortcuts? bandits? lots of unanswered questions and lots of unneeded description. Perhaps because of the descriptions the question comes up.
Doubtful, but I hope this helps. :)
This isn't "entirely" a reject--it was my submission last year which didn't make it and I hadn't the confidence last year to post it in the forums. I actually toyed with the idea of totally reworking it to resubmit this year. That idea got scrapped when I came up with something new, and hopefully better, so I suppose it counts as a "reject" of a sort.
Aura: strong abjuration; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 87,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This necklace is made from clear, crystal beads which are hand carved out of a porous material that has long since crystallized and strung on a thin wire of fine mithril. At the center of the string hangs a small inverted wing carved from the same crystal. The crystal, which appears to have once been bone, along with the necklace’s powers have given rise to the rumors that it is crafted from the crystallized bones of a fallen azata.
This necklace grants DR 5/cold iron and evil and a +2 resistance bonus on saving throws against compulsion spells and spell-like abilities. Additionally, the necklace is attuned to the spirit of an azata and has one of the following blessings.
Blessing of the Enchanted Song (lillend): Bestows on all allies within 10 feet a +2 morale bonus on saving throws to resist compulsions and mind-affecting effects. Once per day the wearer gains a +2 competence bonus to all Charisma related checks for 10 rounds.
Blessing of the Wild Wind (bralani): Bestows electricity resistance 5. Once per day the wearer gains a +2 competence bonus to all Dexterity related checks for 10 rounds.
Blessing of the Morning Sun (ghaele): Bestows immunity to spells and spell-like abilities that would cause blindness. Once per day the wearer gains a +2 competence bonus to all Wisdom related checks for 10 rounds.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, holy aura, greater planar ally; Cost 47,750 gp
I've been holding onto a bunch of the items I didn't submit this year thinking 'If I don't make it, maybe I can improve on one of these...'. Then I realized that without some feedback on my items, I won't get much better, will I? Here are my second to fourth best items I considered submitting.
EDIT: doh, his submit instead of preview. Time to fix some spoilerbuttons.
Spy Lens
Aura moderate divination; CL 10th
Slot – ; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 4lbs
This six inch long cloudy crystal cylinder is wrapped in alternating bands of gold and iron, each covered in a myriad of runes and knobs. When one end of the spy lens is placed up against a reasonably flat, solid surface, the user can begin adjusting the knobs to cause the crystal to extend into the wall, making a section of it transparent. When the lens is fully extended, it can make up to a six inch across, six inch deep section of material invisible, allowing those one one side of a wall to see what is on the other side.
The spy lens requires a standard action worth of manipulation in order to pass through each inch of material, but it can be withdrawn in entirety as a single move action.
It is important to know that the wall becomes transparent on both sides, allowing light and similar vision effects to pass through the lens unmitigated.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Scrying, Invisibility; Cost 18,000gp
Crown of Stones
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot Head; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 2lbs
This gold and bronze crown is inset with seven slots around it’s brim, each the size of a typical ioun stone. If Ioun Stones are set in these slots (a standard action that provokes an AOO), not only does the wearer gain the normal benefits of the stone, but they also gain several additional powers from the crown.
Each of the six outer slots can be overcharged, once per day as a swift action. The Ioun stone placed within functions with twice its numerical bonus for ten minutes before it becomes dull and faded for 24 hours as it recharges. During this time, the stone grants no bonus, and if the stone is removed from the crown both it and the crown take 1d4 damage and immediately gain the broken condition, in addition the slot the stone was in becomes unusable until the damage is repaired.
The foremost, center slot of the crown, always enhances the Ioun stone placed within. After one full round of the stone being placed within, it begins functioning at 50% improved capacity for all listed numerical effects. Like the other slots, removing the stone from the slot is a move action, but unlike other slots this can be done at any time with no ill effect.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell; Cost 12,000gp
Prismatic cape
Aura moderate evocation; CL 13th
Slot Shoulders; Price 18,000 gp; Weight -
This translucent cape transitions through the colors of a rainbow from one end of the fabric to the other, and weighs as little as light itself. However, the simplicity of the cape is not to be trusted – each of the segments of fabric being a frozen beam of prismatic light.
Whenever a creature attacks the flatfooted AC of the wearer of a prismatic cape, they have a 50% chance of striking the wearer’s cape as well. Whenever the Prismatic cape is struck, the attacker must roll 1d8 to determine which segment of the cape they struck, activating the appropriate effect on themselves as if struck by the spell Prismatic Spray, as cast by a 13th level caster (saving throw DC 20).
Once a segment of the cape is struck, that section of the cape becomes transparent and useless, and rolling that effect on the 1d8 has no effect on the attacker. A newly created Prismatic Cape has seven colored sections, and when all seven sections are expended, all that remains of the cape is a thin strip of fabric that was once it’s collar.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Prismatic Spray; Cost 9,000gp
** spoiler omitted **
Thematically I like this, but:
1) It does consume more words on backstory/description than the past successful top 32s seem to. (This is something I really struggled with.)
2) It's a bit of a Swiss Army Knife.
3) It's not completely clear to me if all three varieties are meant to have the same price, etc.
4) I think the rules language could be tightened up a little. For example, are the 10 minute per day bits a standard action to kick off, or? I think this is a hard line to walk, though, because tightness does tend to exact a cost in word count.
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** spoiler omitted **** spoiler omitted **...
I am, by no means, an expert. But, I'll just say that all three are very complex.
Well, that's my 2 cents on just the descriptions.
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **...
Re: Spy Lens: I think this one would get dinged on the name. I also find myself wondering how difficult it is for people on the other side of the wall/surface to notice its use -- this seems like something that would come up often.
Re: Crown: This is an interesting idea. It grew on me as I was reading it. It's not completely clear to me whether the overcharging is once per day or once per day per slot. I think the latter, but I could see you being dinged by a judge on the ambiguity. I'd also expect to see grammar/spelling tightened up slightly for an actual submission, e.g. it's vs. its, but I can understand not putting that effort into something you'd decided against submitting.
Re: Cape: I'm not totally clear on how the flatfooted AC gets involved in this -- it might benefit from clearer language in that area.
yeah, I had passed on these about two weeks before submissions opened - they didn't get the polish they rightly deserved.
I had one hell of a time coming up with a name for the spy lens at all. It was one of the reasons I passed it over when it came to actually making a decision. In fact, I think I just liked the idea for it, the whole item was a major pain to write.
Regarding the crafting of the item, how is the ability it uses selected? Does the maker pick one, is it random, is this assuming you summon an azata to bless it?
I think it would work better to focus on one azata and drop a hint that there may be other items for the other ones. This would let you really focus and get the item tidied up.
The price of the item is a little rich, so let's see what else you could get.
amulet of natural armor (+4) 32,000 gp
-add on +5 resistance bonus to saves 37,500 gp
circlet of persuasion 4,500 gp
-add on +3 to dex checks 6,750 gp
-add on +3 to wis checks 6,750 gp
Total = 87,500 gp
Now that is of course assuming you have a wizard who can tinker and add extra abilities to an item. Even without that though you can see what I mean.
Don't forget that (shooting from the hip without checking the pricing rules here) items that give DR are typically pretty pricy. Given that, I felt like the price for the crystal bones was at least in the ballpark.
For example, the Core Mantle of Faith does nothing but give DR 5/evil and it costs 76,000.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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spy glass
The name isn't too exciting.
"Reasonably" never belongs in game rules. Anything that makes the rule more difficult to interpret kills the rule. Game terms need to be as clear as humanly possible.
A little wonky how you describe the mechanic of making the wall invisible. You could shorten the description of how the device works.
So it takes 6 rounds in order to see through a 6" wall? And it can't go any deeper than that? So 1 foot walls are impenetrable? If you want an item intended to see through walls, make one. I can see that you don't want people to see through a hill or something, so I appreciate the attempt at balance, but I'd make it more useful than just up to 6".
You need to rephrase the last sentence to just say that it becomes invisible, which gives line of sight through the wall. Can you target a creature through the hole or not? Line of effect is important to think about too.
crown of stones
If you make an item that fully relies on another item to work, you're not gonna make it unless that item is amazingly awesome. Don't count on the coolness of another item to carry any of your items across the finish line
prismatic cape
The rogue/flanker/whatever rolls an attack. Then you interrupt that attack? and roll a 50% chance to see if they hit the cape. If they DO hit the cape, does the attack deal damage to you? Does it deal damage to the cape? If so, then they roll their damage. Then you roll a d8 to see which part of the spell goes off.
I think there are too many dice rolls required on this item. It fits in the "makes it harder to DM" rule I think. Look at the steadfast gutstone from last year to see something that prevents precision damage, but doesn't require the defender to start rolling a bunch of dice in the middle of the attack. I think there is a good idea here, but adding a bunch of extra dice rolls in the middle of combat doesn't help the game much. It slows things down, and that generally isn't good.
Edit: forgot to point out that I like that it gets expended after 8 uses, and I see what you were going for, but I think it's pretty complicated when you actually end up using it.
Of course, this is just my opinion. I realize these weren't all polished up as a final submission; I'm just poking and prodding at some of the design choices.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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I really like this item. The name is awesome. The theme is tight, and the design is carefully thought through. This looks to me like an item that should at least make it into a keep pile.
Sure it could get tightened a bit and lose a little of the description (but not too much because the idea of the bones of the azata is cool)
I think the problem with this item is that it's too passive. It's a really nice item, and a publishable item in my view. I think if it granted some of the sexier abilities of the various azatas it would be stronger. Honestly just changing the boons from defensive to offensive may make it cooler.
I don't think you did anything wrong with this item. I think it's good, and I think it's interesting. I think it's a cool item, and I feel like it's pretty well designed. My concern is it might not be as sexy as the top 32.
The struggle is to come up with a well-written, cool idea that also WOWS the judges. And unfortunately, you don't know if your item is as cool as 32 other items out there until the top 32 are unveiled.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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Ok, I'm gonna post a self-reject item I did. I was kicking around applying this effect to an archetype, but I've decided against it. So I'll throw it out there for people to rip apart. :)
The reason I rejected this item is that after creating my carrion claws of the beast I read the comments on the deadstring shears from 2008. I saw people mentioned a similar idea as something they would like to see, instead of the effect of the shears. As a result, I decided to scrap it instead of submitting an item someone thought was based on comments in the thread of a past superstar entry.
Carrion Claws of the Beast
Aura moderate abjuration and transmutation; CL 6th
Slot hands; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Favored by beast cults, these shards of splintered bone are strung together with a frayed leather cord. When placed against the hands or claws of a creature for a full round, the bones meld into the flesh. The claws grant bonuses to attack and damage as a permanent magic fang spell, and they continue to function if the wearer is affected by a polymorph spell. Removing the claws takes 1 minute.
Whenever the wearer of the claws hits with a natural or unarmed attack with his hands or claws, he creates a festering wound in the target’s mind for 2d6 rounds (Will DC 16 negates). Until the effect ends, the target is sickened, and any bonds it shares with summoned creatures are torn apart. Creatures summoned by the target of the claws cannot be controlled, and become confused as if under the effects of confusion.
Summoned creatures affected by the claws cannot be dismissed until the festering wound effect ends. The carrion claws ignore summoned objects and effects, and creatures summoned by an item are not affected. Because of the special link shared between a summoner and his eidolon, the carrion claws of the beast do not affect an eidolon.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Sickening Spell, confusion, magic fang; Cost 16,000 gp
** spoiler omitted **...
Thoughts:
1) I can't decide if this feels underpriced; being able to add sickening to all my attacks as a monk (or, semi-ironically, as an eidolon) seems like it'd be pretty solid.
2) Are targets immune to mind-affecting descriptor'd effects immune to this? A little clarification there might be helpful.
3) Similar question about the confusion effect on summoned creatures -- what if I'm something that normally couldn't be confused, etc.?
All that being said this is a pretty interesting and original idea.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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Thanks for the comments Dire Mongoose.
1) I can't decide if this feels underpriced; being able to add sickening to all my attacks as a monk (or, semi-ironically, as an eidolon) seems like it'd be pretty solid.
Yeah I was kicking around those thoughts when I was making it. I never finalized the price since I canceled the item before I felt 100% satisfied with the price. I feel that 32,000 gp is a significant-enough investment to warrant it. The sickening effect is pretty good, but since fighting casters that summon is pretty situational I wanted something you can always do to any target. This helps justify the cost if you end up not fighting very many casters that summon monsters.
2) Are targets immune to mind-affecting descriptor'd effects immune to this? A little clarification there might be helpful.3) Similar question about the confusion effect on summoned creatures -- what if I'm something that normally couldn't be confused, etc.?
I wanted this item to affect creatures who are immune to mind-affecting spells. I can see that it could have been more clear. It's always a challenge when deciding how many questions to answer in the description. I wanted to cover every issue in a clear way, without listing a whole bunch of unneeded extra rules.
It wasn't as important to me whether it affects casters who are resistant to mind-affecting spells or not. But I should have been more clear on whether it worked or not against them. This item is intended to completely tear apart the control that a caster has over its summoned creatures. The creatures then are uncontrolled and become confused. I struggled over whether to just say they "become confused" or to make it more clear that they get the confused condition. I decided to err on the side of caution by placing "as if under the effects of confusion" in there.
All that being said this is a pretty interesting and original idea.
Thanks. I like this item, and I thought about creating a whole suite of items for followers of Rovagug. A howling mask item that causes madness or played with sanity rules, maybe some weather totems that caused storms, etc. I think it would be a fun set of items for gnolls, orcs, barbarians, druids, and animal companions.
cheaters change
With all the recent ruckus I don't think I'll have to point at the items name ;)
When I read the item pretty much all I thought was: now i have to spend 12,000 gp to be able to cheat in coin toss games and shave about 1 gp ( 10gp if I'm feeling bolt) of most purchases.? Thats hardly worth the price. Also I'm not feeling inspired to use the item.
The only other thing was: Shouldn't appraise be used to determine whether currency is genuine or fake, rather than linguistics?
And that this is another item which haggles with defining ownership.
Crystal Bones of the Fallen Azata
I also agree with the notion that it would have benefited, if you had focused on one of the aspects instead of trying to cram 3 linked item into one and balancing them all to the same price.
But aside from that I think that this is a neat item, that could shine with a little bit of spit and polish.
I especially like that it is a monster-themed item, that nearly completely stays clear of the Monster-in-a-can trap.
Spy Lens
There is a different, but similar item in the APG, the “one way Window”, this is a cursed item though, but it would still get you dinged for lack of originality.
Crown of stones
Wayfinder also do something you simply can't do in 300 words: they give specific bonuses for each possible type of ioun stone set into it. So thats something I'm missing with your item and the flat numerical boost feels kinda bland in comparison.
Prismatic cape
The part with the flat footed AC is kinda clunky, and wouldn't the touch AC better suited for the effect you are aiming for? My suggestion though would be to drop that part entirely and simply say that the cape might be triggered by a full hit in combat.
[/spoilers]
All your items are flavorful and well crafted, I'm looking forward to see your real submission, one way or the other.
Carrion Claws of the Beast
I think sickening with each hit is a bit much. It's like the sickening critical feat on steroids, even if the saving throw alleviates this. Maybe you should restrict this effect to critical hits, or playing on rend, to when at least 2 attacks per round hit, limiting it to 1/round.
The other effects are very restricted, but powerful in their domain. I like that, but I didn't suspect any connection to summoning when reading the name of the item. The name is good, even if somewhat over the top, but I based on this I don't think that it is the best name for this item.
what you said about the possible set of items reminded me of something I wanted to do , but didn't get around to: Craft some items based on the new rules from the GMG.
An item that pays with city rules, maybe even affects an entire city ( like a magical watchtower bell ..)
An item that plays with insanity rules, wit chase rules, haunts, etc.
But even given how well received items that use new, pathfinder-specific rules are most of the times, I don't really believe that these items would be good fits for Rpg-Superstar.
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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what you said about the possible set of items reminded me of something I wanted to do , but didn't get around to: Craft some items based on the new rules from the GMG.
An item that pays with city rules, maybe even affects an entire city ( like a magical watchtower bell ..)
Sounds good - also Kingmaker and JBE's expansion of it. I might work up one of my ideas this year for a building-based item a bit later.
Thanks for all the feedback, I think one of the biggest things I can see improving on is that I should make my items just a little less complicated. Or at least, clearer when I make them complicated. I'm hoping my actual submission didn't fall into that same pitfall. -_-;
Here's a little something that I found too hard to price to be usable
Actually... it's hard to measure on all accounts... but I still want some advice :P** spoiler omitted **
The main thing, for me, is that this feels like an artifact, not a wondrous item. Having super scary consequences of use is total artifact territory, as is having this much open-ended power.
Wow, a lot here to talk about.
I don't think the name would fly over well with judges. Especially since people often refer to wizards as "the hand of god" might be taken as a pun or just silly name. Especially since casting magic is not necessarily a godly act.
For aura I would have gone with universal or (no school).
For slot, "hands" is appropriate, see glove of storing. That also gives the example of " - " for weight.
The price on this would be astronomical. Consider a ring of three wishes is 120,000 gp, and that's limited to 3 wishes! Like Dire Mongoose said, it is well into artifact territory.
If I remember spells don't specifically have minimum caster levels especially since different classes can cast them at different levels.
Rather than referring to "Godly magic" just use the standard line about wish, and miracle.
Spell names should be italicized and spelled correctly.
Most items limit themselves to just two or three paragraphs. This helps the reader to realize what information is related. It also helps the author realize if the item is too disjointed.
Just some thoughts since you asked for them.
I tried to read through other feedback better this time, but probably still lots of repeats. I am halfway through page 3 now and will finish Sunday or Monday what is left. then it will be a hiatus until after round 2 or 3 or never. :)
Clockwork Heart of the Gearsmen
Amphora of Humble Offering
Mummified Guardian
[spoiler] Mummified Guardian SKR’s #2, #3, #3, #3, #15, and #21. Can undead see? Giving a cleric-in-a bag and twice the level of the wielder seems over the top to me. Especially when it outright negates the scariest (imho) undead ability :) Also I need to now who or how many get the +5 ‘X’ bonus (not just +5) as it hints area-of-effect to me. I agree with others comments too. Though I think all need to be worked, tightned, and focussed a bit I did like the (3-not 2) different abilities. An undead EM pulse? check. Strength in the face of the undead? check. One get-out-of-level-drain-free card? check.
Faces of Drama
Spell Grinder, Horizon Codex
Horizon CodexSKR’s #17, 18, and 22. Ipad, kindle or some other e-reader immediately springs to mind. Depending on the library you will have access to maps, monster stats, spells, key-picking manuels which makes adventuring safe. One round is pretty quick for this effect to happen also (though still faster than my browser :) As any book would be broken, I think limiting this to a single library is a good idea.
Final Death, Cloak of the Mimic:
Cloak of the Mimic:Why patchwork? this says worn down to me which seems anti disguise. Maybe it is just me though. I think you can reword some of the details (ie rubber ball not bouncing) to make it much shorter and hopefully cleaner. There is a small problem with having you equipment available after you switch, but I am not sure how strong of a rules break that is. Personally I would leave it out, but allow a spellcaster to still have access to material components. Or maybe anything in pocket X of the cloak can still be used.... just a thought. If someone kicks in the chest (you) do you take damage? If you have a mouth can you bite? I think you wanted it here for spellcasting, but I would simply say your retain the ability to speak similarly to what you did with senses (that worked because it was concise. :) Polymorph person would be better (cloak not a tablecloth :). I love the idea of a group of adventurers running from something nasty but stupid and suddenly their halfling turns into a locked door :) (inspired a magic item for me it did :)
Book of Spell Cannibalism
I rejected this one because, despite liking it a whole lot, it seemed too much like a Spell-in-a-Can (or Box in this case! ;-) I still like it enough to use it in my campaign, and you are welcome to do the same! I've included my pricing formula and a word count for your convenience, even though I'm aware this is not allowed in the contest itself.
Puzzlebox of Delightful Snuff
Description:
This palm-sized, mithral-inlaid darkwood box (hardness 7, 15 HPs, Break DC 20) conceals three tiny secret drawers within it, each requiring an initial DC 15 Intelligence check to find. Each drawer can hold any one item, weighing 10 pounds or less. Regardless, the box weighs only ½ pound. Once sealed inside the Puzzlebox, the items are stored within an extra-dimensional space, and can only be retrieved by the person who sealed them inside, unless they can make a DC 20 Sleight of Hand check to open the Puzzlebox. Destruction of the box deposits the contents randomly on the etheric plane, but any items that were within are undamaged and theoretically retrievable.
Snuff stored inside any one of the three drawers is perpetually kept fresh while inside, and if stored for more than a day, its potency is increased, empowering the snuff with a cat’s grace, fox’s cunning, or owl’s wisdom effect, depending on the specific drawer used. However, when used for snuff, the drawers randomly switch positions constantly and new Intelligence check at DC 15 is needed every day to determine which chamber does which, before attempting to open the box’s drawers. Every day, only the first dose of snuff removed from each drawer is transmuted, and once removed, the magical effect upon the snuff only lasts until the next dusk or dawn, whichever comes first. If the Sleight of Hand check is failed by 5 or more twice in one day, a hidden needle stings an unprotected hand for 1 HP. This needle can be coated with a contact poison once the Puzzlebox is opened.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, cat’s grace, fox’s cunning, owl’s wisdom. Cost: 7200 gp.
Total Word Count: 295.
Creation Cost Calculation (CCC): 2nd level spells (cat’s grace, fox’s cunning, owl’s wisdom) x 4th caster level x 2000 (continuous, use-activated) = 16,000 / (5/ charges per day: 3 = 1.66666) = 9,600 x 1.5 = 14,400 gold pieces.
I rejected this one because, despite liking it a whole lot, it seemed too much like a Spell-in-a-Can (or Box in this case! ;-) I still like it enough to use it in my campaign, and you are welcome to do the same! I've included my pricing formula and a word count for your convenience, even though I'm aware this is not allowed in the contest itself.
Puzzlebox of Delightful Snuff
** spoiler omitted **...
Another potential issue with this item is how close snuff is to drug use. Sure, there's space for it in some fantasy, but not so much in every fantasy setting.
It also means that it would be dangerously close to autoreject advice 14 - mature content
As to the switching of positions - it just seems needless hassle. Anyone could take 20 a few times when they get up in the morning to figure out which drawer is which, and then it is just a matter of re-labeling the drawers.
Puzzlebox of Delightful Snuff
Oh, I like this one. It's got flavor - and I don't mean tobacco. It feels like a lovely prop for the absent-minded-but-ridiculously powerful sage wizard type character - snuff, puzzles, handy little drawers for stowing random things away... Nicely done, sir; nicely done.
This has the seed of a nice twist on random effect, too - it's only random if you're not clever enough to choose the one you want; then your only choice is to choose randomly. That makes sense.
I agree with Charles that the which-drawer-is-which mechanism is a bit clunky and confusing; having the drawers effects switch around (even after the snuff is placed...) seems awkward. Consider describing the box's drawers as being perfectly symmetrical, and resisting all markings; putting the snuff in a specific desired drawer requires a DC 15 Int check (which you can take 20 on, if you have the time - that fits in well, too).
Another potential issue with this item is how close snuff is to drug use. Sure, there's space for it in some fantasy, but not so much in every fantasy setting.
It also means that it would be dangerously close to autoreject advice 14 - mature content
I think snuff is considered within the pall. I'm pretty sure it's basically on par with smoking a pipe, which is unlikely to shock or offend most fantasy fans. That's taking caution a bit too far for my tastes.
Thank you, Charles, Ronars, and Standback, for your cogent and well-thought-out advice! For the record, I LOVE constructive criticism.
For Charles: You're right- it should be ethereal plane. Thanks for catching my one formatting error.
Also, your edit is more along the lines of what I intended- it's not so much the drawers themselves that change (the outside of the box always looks the same), but rather the extra-dimensional spaces within that rotate positions. Therefore marking the drawers' outside would make no difference. And the random factor was another reason it did not get submitted, even though I think the Puzzlebox is lively enough to skirt that guideline! ;-)
For Ronars: +1 on what I said to Charles. And I agree with Standback on the drug use issue. I think this item doesn't quite cross that line. I did envision a elderly, absent-minded professor type wizard creating this one. And who doesn't see such a character with a pipe or some mild vice (re Gandalf)? I don't smoke, take snuff or use (illegal) drugs, but I do drink coffee- but that's technically drug-use, so are you saying you think a magical pitcher of coffee would be considered breaking the mature content rule? I do appreciate Paizo's position on these issues, but with all the items here devoted to poisons, I can hardly consider something like the Puzzlebox as drawing fire from the child advocate communities. However, I'm glad I didn't submit this one because others may feel as you do. In this contest, it's hardly our own opinions that matter! ;-)
For Standback: Thank you for the humorous compliments! You actually made me laugh... your "lovely prop" comment hit my intentions spot on. I do try to go for "flavor" over perfectly executed mechanics (though I do _try_ to get those right too), and I definitely think this one is a winner in "flavor." Of course, I have to say that I feel none of my items are bad- the question is, are they Superstar?
Your thought on the clunky "randomizing" effect is well-taken. I happen to agree that, as it is written, it does seem a bit confusing. (Though I think the randomness is part of the "favor.")
HOWEVER... in my defense, I will point you all to the word count. Recall that we only have a max of 300 words allowed- and this is only 5 words under that limit. IMHO, there will be numerous good items with some confusing elements just because the author had to stay under the limit. If I'd had more "words" I'd've made it clear what I said to Charles about the extra-d spaces being what switches positions, or that the outside resists markings, etc. Recall this: no matter what items make the grade here, we can customize them in any way we like for our own campaigns. Very, very seldom do I use an item as written straight out of a book.
I thought deeply about how I'd GM this item in my campaign... what if someone only put snuff in one chamber? And a wand and a ring in the others? Would that "stabilize" the randomness? I think not- as long as one drawer has snuff, they all continue to randomize. And let's face it, even if you don't manage to get the "right" drawer, you're still going to get a benefit. A wizard wanting fox's cunning won't suffer from a cat's grace effect! Now if the "wrong" drawer was a curse or some nastiness, you might have a case...!
Again, thanks to all of you for the kind comments!
I try to play in this forum every year as well - some pretty cool stuff in the reject bin - I am geeked to see what the winning items look like.
Below are a couple of my rejects - comments welcome.
If they ever happen to make it into one of your games please let me know.
Saddle of the Grassland Knights
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 14th
Slot: --; Price: 94,500 gp; Weight: 20 pounds
Description
Popular lore holds that the riders of the Great Grass Sea do not saddle their mounts. As with many legends this one is not entirely true. Crafted by the prairie mages for the mighty war elk they ride to battle, saddles of the grassland knights would be prized as works of art even without the enchantments worked into their leather. Steeds that wear these items are imbued with a number of supernatural abilities. The primary attribute of these saddles is to grant the mount wearing them the power to move as if it were a phantom steed spell (a speed of 20' per caster level, to a maximum of 240, as well as the other caster level based abilities). The armor class and hit points of the mount saddled are unchanged. In addition, a mount wearing a saddle of the grassland knights gains the abilities Woodland Stride and Trackless Step. The rider's character level is used for the purpose of determining the caster level of the saddle's spell like effects (though there is no limit to the duration).
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, phantom steed; Cost: 47,250 gp
Death Mask of Amryn Sul
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 6th
Slot: --; Price: 28,800 gp; Weight: 2 pounds
Description
First crafted by the necromancer Amryn Sul to both interrogate and mock adversaries who perished as a result of his fell power these masks have since been reproduced by a number of practitioners of the dark arts because of their usefulness.
Sculpted as the face of a beautiful androgynous youth, these masks are typically crafted from polished bronze with the holy symbol of Urgathoa the Pallid Princess inlaid in cold iron in the position of a tear at the corner of the right eye. The mask has two functions:
* When placed on the face of a corpse and a command word is spoken the power of the mask allows the speaker to ask the corpse 3 questions as though a speak with dead spell has been cast (though without the 10 minute casting time). This ability may be used up to 3 times per day.
* When placed on the face of a corpse, and a command word is spoken, the corpse rises as a zombie under the control of the speaker. The corpse is animated only so long as they wear the mask. This ability may be used 1 time per day.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, animate dead, speak with dead; Cost: 14,400 gp
Wizard's Hearthfire
Aura faint varied; CL 3rd
Slot: --; Price: 9,000 gp; Weight: varies
Description
A wizard's hearthfire is the hub of many a spell caster's home. A wizard's hearthfire can be housed in any manner of objects depending on the creators taste, oven, fireplace, even a lantern or candle. They are however always crafted as a source of warmth and light for the home they serve. Regardless of the object used to host the hearthfire, it said the trick behind the creation of these items not enchanting the object but in binding a spirit to the flame to fuel the magic.
The magic of wizard's hearthfire keeps the house it serves perpetually warm, clean, dishes washed, beds made, laundry folded, etc. In addition, the hearthfire grants the master of the house the following spell like abilities:
* Unseen Servant as a personal attendant.
* Light
* Mage Hand
* Mending
* Open/Close
* Prestidigitation
* Spark
Perhaps the most interesting power of a wizard's hearthfire however is that it can, at the discretion of the master of the house, grant these spell like abilities to up to 6 servants or guests.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Unseen Servant, Light, Mage Hand, Mending, Open/Close, Prestidigitation, Spark; Cost: 4,500 gp
On Kyr's three items:
Specifically, for the saddle, I think you waste a lot of words on background- which I personally feel is unnecessary. While I'm sure Paizo may not agree with this, I'm a big fan of personal campaign worlds. To my thinking then, background written into an item's description is counter-productive, as it will have to be discarded by a GM, or at least, customised to his own world. I also am not sure, but I think it's a bit over-priced. Why is the CL so high (14th)? Phantom steed is only a 3rd level spell. I also think that Craft: leatherworking should be part of the requirements (something this "big" and pricey needs a masterwork saddle specially made for the magic to work, imho). Still, I would like to say that my Ranger would love to have one, high price or no!
The mask has a lot of flavor (wicked, evil flavor!), it reminds me of something I wrote into the background of my campaign's high level sorcerer. (That was a giant stone "mask" of an idol dedicated to a necromancer, who had the ego of a god, at least. ;-) Sadly, your mask is still SiaC. What I like the most is that a "good" cleric could use the first function without fear of violating his oaths. I also like that the zombie animated by the mask could theoretically be de-activated if the mask is removed. (I'm assuming removal does not disintegrate the corpse.) This is something most good characters would want to do, especially if the zombie was animated from the corpse of one of their friends! (Boy, can I see "opportunities" there! Evil, bad GM!)
I like the Wizard's Heartfire a bunch. Maybe that's just because I hate doing housework! For all it does, it SEEMS underpriced. However, I did the math and you have priced it correctly, even including the 1.5 modifier for multiple abilities. (1st level spell x 3rd CL x 2000 x 1.5 = 9000) The bonus that grants the effects to guests is a nice twist. (This reminds me a lot of stuff you find in Second Life- do you play that?) One last thing: it's no biggie, but I noticed a spelling error- "it said the trick behind the..." should be "it is said", or "it's said." (Not its said- the it's/its mistake is my biggest pet peeve in the english language. It's so easy to get right- but people insist on muffing it so often! ;-) Thanks for posting these, and good luck in the contest, assuming you entered. I'll let you know if I use your mask in my campaign.
For Charles Evans 25:
Back when this contest was announced, I wrote and finalized over a dozen items specifically for this year. It's not so much that I thought the Puzzlebox was bad as that I thought another was better. My submission had unique qualities, and fell into a very little used category. (I obviously can't say much more about it!) I feel the Spell-in-a-Can rule is a very fine line, because almost all wondrous items are going to be based off one spell or another- the creation requirements are written as to practically require it! The trick is to make the item interesting and unique enough to persuade the judges to overlook that. IMHO. I appreciate your advice a lot!
@snuffbox - I would like to remind you that I did say dangerously close, not breaking. IMO, that's one of the rules you shouldn't consider cutting close to.
@saddle
@mask
Next, the speak with dead idea is fantastic. I love this part of the item, even if it's a little weak on it's own. The other half of the item, which is needed to keep the item from being too SIAC, is a little silly. One time per day the mask can create a zombie that lasts for as long as the user wants. There is no reason for there to be a limit on the ability, and it's a little out of sorts, too. Perhaps the mask lets the zombie do more complex things, or you to speak with dead differently than just a few questions.
@hearthfire
And on that note, I cannot see any reason this would be an item a spellcaster would want. You mention it being part of a spellcaster's home, and it's only ability is to let them cast 0th level spells they can probaly cast all of anyways? How far away? are the spells at 3rd caster level or the casters caster level.
And yes, it allows you to give up to six people these abilities too. But, why would they want them? 0th level spells are unlimited because they're not particularly useful, and while it might be cool to have you allowed to do that, a player can already say 'i fold my clothes' without doing the work. Saying 'I have an invisible servant fold my clothes' is just the same to them.
Asides from this just being a list of spells for the user to cast for free(er than normal), it's not a very fun item. It might have been fun if it protected the users staying there, or the building or room it was in, or perhaps if you could set it up as a campfire to give all your companions the ability to cast those spells in the wild too - but it seems way too limited as it is.
More on the snuffbox. Yes, I'm discriminating awfully in this thread. I guess I've got more helpful comments in some areas than in others - and I really do like the snuffbox :)
Keith, I hear what you're saying about the wordcount; I think Charles has the right of this though. Sticking to wordcount isn't just about editing your prose as mean and lean as you can; it also requires you to know what ideas you just don't have room to get across properly. A pie is more awesome than a cupcake, but I wouldn't try to bake one in a muffin tin for a cupcake contest - because the result wouldn't even make a decent cupcake.
Also, you don't necessarily have to discard an entire idea - sometimes (I've seen in both my R1 entry and my draft for R2) it's enough to just settle on simplifying one mechanism. It won't be as perfect and correct as you'd like it to be, but it'll be clear, practical, and usable; better that than having the perfect mechanism but nobody understanding how it's meant to work.
- Is the needle really crucial to the concept?
- "If the box is destroyed, its contents are lost" is much shorter than your version - sure, it's an entirely different result, but the difference probably isn't crucial to the concept.
Similarly, consider: what snuff is affected? Snuff that has been stored for over a day and is the first dose to do so that day until dusk or dawn. Now, that criteria makes a lot of sense, but takes a fair amount both of wordcount and of in-game tracking. "Every day, the box imbues one dose of snuff with one of (spell effect options), choosing randomly if snuff is stored in more than one drawer. Once removed, the snuff remains empowered for one day." Yes, you lose the "stored for one day" effect, and the dusk-or-dawn - but you're left with a very simple mechanic. AND, once you're done and as far below wordcount as you're going to go, you can start going back and adding clauses back in, in the order of their importance (and awesomeness).
Or for the magic effect on the snuff: "The drawers seem to switch positions randomly, and a DC 15 Intelligence check is required to place snuff in any one particular chamber - otherwise, the effect is randomly selected." The word count looks very close to me, the effect is ever-so-slightly different, but I'm pretty sure my version is significantly clearer. Note particularly that I mention precisely what the Int check accomplishes - that's helpful.
Obviously these are just suggestions, and very nearly worth the bits they're written on. But I'm hope they've been helpful in demonstrating how it might be possible to be more clear in fewer words.
One is: is the "puzzlebox" description tied to any actual puzzle, or is this simply referring to the many situations calling for Int checks? It's a cool name, and I feel like it almost fits - it just seems a bit odd, when you can't open the box and say "here, this is a puzzle box, see?". Maybe it's a puzzling box, rather than a puzzlebox?
The second is, I think some very slight description would be appropriate for placing big items in the tiny drawers. It's a cool effect, but I don't see it working visually - how would I go about putting a bear trap in a drawer inside something the size of my hand? So some description of the item seeming to shrink as it nears the box or something would fill in this corner - or maybe you have some other effect in mind.
I hope this criticism isn't offputting in any way - again, I think this is a marvelous item. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised to see it (or a slightly better-polished version) in the top 32 - it's cool, it's got unique flavor, it's useful (in several cool ways), it's clear. That's exactly what an item should be; that's exactly what RPGSS looks for. I'm looking forward to seeing what you did submit in the end :)
Oh, and lest I forget:
@snuffbox - I would like to remind you that I did say dangerously close, not breaking. IMO, that's one of the rules you shouldn't consider cutting close to.
Standard violence and drug use don't trigger this response, but sexual violence, pregnancy, abortion, infanticide, and harm to children do.
Please. Let's not go overboard here. Snuff isn't even "standard drug use." Describing that as "cutting close" is downright Puritan; taking the guideline that far seems like a pretty serious misinterpretation.
Tome of Mystic Soul
Mage's Gauntlet
Scabbard of the Faithful Servant
Cheater's Change
Crystal Bones of the Fallen Azata
Iron Bone Bracer
Aura: powerful transmutation CL: ?
Slot : arm ; Price : ?,000 gp ; Weight : ? ;
DESCRIPTION
This dark russet bracer is crafted from the hide of a rust monster, and studded with iron bullets. When worn, the bracer infuses iron into the bones of the wearer, increasing resilience, though decreasing agility. The wearer gains a +2 natural bonus to AC, suffers only half damage from bludgeoning attacks, is more difficult to score a critical hit against (increase DC to confirm crits by 5), and gains a +4 ??? modifier to fortitude staves. Due to the increased mass in the bones, the wearer's speed and dexterity are reduced as if wearing heavy armor (-10 move and max. dex bonus of +2).
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, //?//; Cost ?,000 gp
For the necromancers favorite skeletal minion, anyone? Yikes... Everyone pulls out their maces and hammers to whack this guy and he just casually dusts them off. This is way better than the X-Shirts from the Magic Item Compendium, and you could always put him in actual platemail to go with it.
SKR’s #1 but only in the end. This is one of the best developed items I have seen on this thread so far. Nice. I had some confusion as written what can fit in the scabbard. I think this might be just a throwback to 3.5, but the word ‘melee’ would have helped (maybe not). You may have buried your lead by putting ‘communing with the spirit’ _after_ the ini ability. I also think unseen servant was a bit underused for the spell. If it grants +2 then do you need the whole spell? A squire could carry a shield or administer a potion or something else, I think the flanking and aid bonus is a perfect use, I just wanted to see more. SP on your spells… why truestrike? Presumably as an insight bonus, (I did not find anything better though: alertness is a feat, haste does not grant ini bonus, divine favor or augury might work, but I will have to trust the author here :) In one Arthurian myth it is the scabbard that makes Excalibur the effective sword it is. Nice job.
Hey thanks for the look over.
In response to what you brought up. I used nearly the same description from a scabbard of keen edge for what will fit in it. If I can I like to pull my wording from existing material for precedent. I wanted to make sure it was clear only the person who was attuned to the scabbard got the benefits, I foresaw a clever party using it to give all of their weapons a +2 damage on first hit if not. I mention the flanking bonus because I'm not 100% sure a normal unseen servant can do that; I'm pretty sure they could carry a shield or give a potion though, pretty much anything non-combat oriented. True Strike was a carry over from the items first incarnation where I had it give the wielder the ability to ignore an opponents Armor and Shield AC bonuses for 3 rounds a day. Looking back I would use whatever spell is required when crafting that Ioun Stone of +1 Initiative.
I really can't wait to show off the item I submitted with all it's spit and polish. Let's hope everybody gets to see it tomorrow if you know what I mean.
The main purpose of the item is to give the rider's horse the movement of a phantom steed. Sounds cool so far. Talking about a variable speed kinda made things weird. I would have just set the speed the item grants to match the caster level of the item. Linking it to the level of the rider is rather unprecedented. If you really wanted to make the speed variable I would have linked it to the rider's ranks in Ride. Just more thematic. Adding permanent woodland stride and trackless step while fitting the theme do seem a little...tacked on. Shouldn't these be in the construction requirements as well. The item literally has them built into it.
Overall the item feels like three permanent spells-in-a-can pulled from a world we're not familiar with. Even the description just says these are enchantments in a saddle.
And...it's two spells-in-a-can. With the lead up I was expecting some real good interrogation mojo. We're left with a few questions regarding the zombie that is raised. Is it a standard zombie of the creatures type? aka, useless. Is it based on the creatures HD? How hard is it to destroy the mask? What are it's hp and hardness if someone decides to attack it should they recognize it as the animating factor.
Like SKR said, having a class in the name is usually boring. "Hearthfire" is good. Maybe something like mage's hearthfire. Making it a little vague would help the sorcerer who wants one of these to not feel strange.
Swiss-Army-Knife of cantrips which people in your house can use as well. Nothing really interesting here. Why would a wizard even want one of these? He could hire a hundred servants for years and it would be cheaper. Speaking of which, how big of a house does this work for? Do you need more than one for a mansion? Could it work for a boat?
What happens if someone tries to destroy it. ie. it gets removed, or doused with water. Is the spirit released? Is it mad?
Given how close the shield bracelet came to being DQ'd because of it's relationship with the Dresden Files I think this one would be crossing the line.
I think an item like this needs a lot more mojo behind it. Any wizard can cast these spells any time they want already. Perhaps something about boosting the caster level of spells cast within the household, similar to prayer beads. Give people a reason to want to do stuff at their home with this. It's really no problem for a high level wizard to teleport back home during adventurers and something like this could be useful. (I wonder if it would work in a magnificent mansion or tiny hut)
By the way you forgot to use italics anywhere. Item and spell names should always be italicized.
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **... By the way you forgot to use italics anywhere. Item and spell names should always be italicized.
Items too? Somehow I have always missed this. I think in part because (and I just checked) 'dust' in dust of disappearence is not italicized, where dust of disappearence is. Oh well I am confident my item was rejected for much bigger reason then that :)
On my Puzzlebox:
While I realize that a few minutes after "le grande announcement," most people have better things on their minds than reading my posts, I have to say I was very pleased with the responses I've gotten from the board about it. Thank you, Charles and Standback, for taking the time to give me your ideas about this item.
Charles, I read the whole thread on Seven Thousand Blossoms- that was most enlightening- and it makes me feel better about the item I actually did submit. It has a number of things in common with the blossoms. And I have to agree with most of the comments- that is one sweet item. I once saw a brilliant Japanese play on stage called Shinto, where they used an incredible amount of real cherry petals to great effect to simulate a number of magical spells. When I read Seven Thousand Blossoms, that's the first thing I thought of- I guess that puts me in "oriental adventures" camp.
Sticking to wordcount isn't just about editing your prose as mean and lean as you can; it also requires you to know what ideas you just don't have room to get across properly. A pie is more awesome than a cupcake, but I wouldn't try to bake one in a muffin tin for a cupcake contest - because the result wouldn't even make a decent cupcake.
That's probably the best advice I've heard about writing to a word count.
Is the needle really crucial to the concept?
No. As you probably realized, that bit was what I tagged onto the end to give it a little more "oommph."
"If the box is destroyed, its contents are lost" is much shorter than your version - sure, it's an entirely different result, but the difference probably isn't crucial to the concept.
On the dusk or dawn concept- I wrote that in because I didn't want players to be able to go into the magic snuff wholesale business. The enhanced snuff needed an expiration date to prevent a PC from pulling out daily doses and storing them indefinitely. I imagine you understood that, but I say this to be clear on why.
...but I'm pretty sure my version is significantly clearer. Note particularly that I mention precisely what the Int check accomplishes - that's helpful.
I'll probably rewrite the item to accomodate your suggestions... thanks a million!
But I'm hope they've been helpful in demonstrating how it might be possible to be more clear in fewer words.
They have indeed, thanks.
One is: is the "puzzlebox" description tied to any actual puzzle, or is this simply referring to the many situations calling for Int checks? It's a cool name, and I feel like it almost fits - it just seems a bit odd, when you can't open the box and say "here, this is a puzzle box, see?". Maybe it's a puzzling box, rather than a puzzlebox?
Yes, to both the first and the third question! What I imagined was the outside of the box (mithral and darkwood) appears to made of many pieces, a puzzle in actuality. Hidden among the pieces is three sections that open. Note that my first 3 Int checks is only for the INITIAL attempt to find each of these sections. After finding each of the drawers, the daily Int check is for figuring out which of these drawers accesses which of three randomly rotating extra-dimensional spaces so you can make sure you've got "the right snuff." ;-)
The second is, I think some very slight description would be appropriate for placing big items in the tiny drawers.
Yes, that's one thing I thought about too- but the word count (as written) prevented it. In reality, there's really no way to truly visualize such an effect. I deliberately avoided mentioning the item shrinking (too close to shrink item). But it's a standard effect in fantasy- from Mary Poppin's carpet bag to Hermione's Undetectable Extension Charm. The visuals are usually something I think a writer should leave up to the GM anyway.
One last point: my main "inspiration" for this item was the eponymous God Box from the novel by Barry Longyear, even though the magic and the appearance of the puzzlebox has little in common with the Box of the novel.
Again, I appreciate your enthusiasm. If I don't make the top 32, I intend to have the judges review my item, so one way or another, you'll see it. Thanks again.
My earlier point has indeed been proven true...
I really was trying to make the point that every item, no matter how high the word limit, is going to have a moment where it requires a GM call on exactly how it's used. (Players are very creative, as you undoubtably know!) So no matter how clear the wording, unless your item is as straight-forward as a broom of flying (which, as we all know, is not going to make the grade here!), there's going to be something confusing about a lot of really good items.
Having read the Smuggler's Collapsible Robe, I noted where the judges were already asking questions about how to GM this in game. I'm sure that item is not the only one, either.
By saying this, I don't mean to imply that any of the winning items are at all bad- every one I've read is pretty nifty. But my point stands... all creative items, no matter how well-written, will eventually meet a player who finds a loophole to exploit, much to the despair of their GM!
Now that the Top32 are revealed I can safely post the ideas that i was holding back, because they played with the same idea as my actual submission. But today shall be the day of the Top32, so stay tuned. ;)