Reindeer Slay
Aura strong enchantment; CL 18th
Slot--; Price 4440 gp; Weight 15 lb.
DESCRIPTION
Pictographs of flying deer surrounded by glowing white runes mark the edges of the large slab of dark red metal. When activated (a full round action), eight reindeer with silver-tipped antlers, snowy hooves, and eyes the color of glacial ice spring to life harnessed to the slab. The active slay takes the space of a gargantuan creature. The user directs the slay as a standard action to any space within 95 feet. The slay stops when it enters an occupied square and the occupant must succeed on a Fortitude save (DC 24) or instantly die. Creatures with 101 or more hit points are not affected in this way. Those creatures who do not instantly die instead take 2d6 cold damage from the goring antlers and 8d6 damage as if trampled by the reindeer (DC 24). True neutral creatures get a +4 circumstance bonus to these saves as the slay is attuned to creatures with naughty or nice alignments.
The reindeer slay remains for one hour and only functions one night of the year. Clerics with the death, marketing or water domains may get a second use from the reindeer slay six months later. This use is considered much weaker and often ineffectual (DCs drop to 12).
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, power word kill; Cost 2220 gp
Slay
Ooooooooo.
Good one. And by "good" I mean "really bad, but so bad it's good".Anyone want to take a crack at stating up the Marketing domain?
makes Appraise always a class skill
domain power - craft meaningless object that is no different from another object that people will pay more money for if they fail a DC( 10+1/2 cleric level + cha modifier) save against compulsion
Contributor
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
|
Since I'm currently having trouble getting sleep, I'm going to critique this item - just for fun - as though it were a serious item! =D
Formatting and typography
The price and cost figures should include a comma: 4,440 gp and 2,220 gp.
The abbreviation for "pounds" in PF core is lbs. not lb. for any item whose weight exceeds 1 lb.
As per the template, Description and Construction should not be in ALL CAPS.
There should be no colon after Requirements.
Game terminology
"Full round action" should be "Full-round action".
"gargantuan" should be "Gargantuan".
"True neutral" is not a game term in PF, nor was it one in 3.5 either.
Flavor
The visuals are nice. The item does not have a Golarion feel to it, but... oh well. =D
Mechanics
For the most part, it is clear what the item does, but there are a few things that may need clarification.
It is mentioned that the slay takes the space of a Gargantuan creature. But in what other ways is it treated as a creature? Can it squeeze? Can you attack and damage the reindeer? Is it possible to move through the squares it occupies? And so on.
Does "within 95 feet" mean within 95 feet from the user or the slay's current location? Is it possible for the user to sit on the slab and move with the slay? Or is this actually the way it is meant to be used?
Can it affect more than one creature per round? Does the "slay effect" occur only when the slay moves, or does it affect creatures pushed into its space, or ones that remain in its space?
Innovation
Well, it's something old with a new twist, I suppose. =) Not quite Superstar, but it is a joke item after all.
SlayOoooooooo.
Good one. And by "good" I mean "really bad, but so bad it's good".Anyone want to take a crack at stating up the Marketing domain?
heh thanks Hyrdo-hated the chirping crickets response :)
Since I'm currently having trouble getting sleep, I'm going to critique this item - just for fun - as though it were a serious item! =D
So did you get to sleep then? :)
The price and cost figures should include a comma: do you know how many times hydro and Matt dinged me on that in the Blazing items thread?!? I cannae believe I still make that mistake--but thanks, I was able to fix my actual entry where, sure enough did the same thing! :D Thanks, Thanks, and thanks again!
"True neutral" is not a game term in PF, nor was it one in 3.5 either.
oops meant truly neutral (grammar error not a gaming error--what I get for not proofing my work! :)The visuals are nice. =D thank you :)
It is mentioned that the slay takes the space of a Gargantuan creature. But in what other ways is it treated as a creature? None. It is an item, not a creature. I have seen people read this sort of thing into other items over the years and then fault the author for it. I only bring this up because I would like to know how to avoid it. :)
Is it possible for the user to sit on the slab and move with the slay? as written the user would be forced to save/take damage HoHo-Oww!
Does the "slay effect" occur only when the slay moves, or does it affect creatures pushed into its space, or ones that remain in its space?bull rushing someone into the slay? dinnae think of that. good catch :)
Not quite Superstar, but it is a joke item after all. Joke?!? Joke? I slaved almost thirteen minutes over this thing! I thought I was entering the RPG Superstar and then I find it on the threads! WTF?!?!
j/k thanks for the critique serpent :)
|
Contributor
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
|
Since I'm currently having trouble getting sleep, I'm going to critique this item - just for fun - as though it were a serious item! =D
So did you get to sleep then? :)
** spoiler omitted **
Nah, but critiquing your not-a-joke-item was marginally more useful than doing nothing in the middle of the night. ;-) I'm glad if I could help you. Good luck in the contest!
Anyway, since the effect is not an actual creature, I guess I would avoid making a reference to creature sizes and just say that the area of effect is a 20 ft. cube, centered around the slab. That way it's less likely that people start wondering whether other rules related to creatures apply.
As you probably know, true neutral used to be an actual game term, but that was before PF and the third edition. While it's mentioned in the section about alignments that the neutral on both axes kind of neutral is sometimes called "true neutral", the correct term in PF is simply "neutral". However, this is not very practical since neutral also means "neutral on the good/evil axis" and "neutral on the law/chaos axis", and thus it's usually necessary to mention in a way or another what kind of neutral you mean. Examples:
"The spell deals only half damage against creatures who are neither lawful nor chaotic, and they are not slowed."
I'm not sure what is the best way to express that something applies only to "true neutral" creatures, but I'm fairly certain that "true neutral" is just as bad as any talk about "memorizing" your spells. ;-)