Perhaps some houserules are needed for that, for example, dwarves take either -2 Cha or -2 Dex (players choice).
That's what I did. You don't get to change the bonuses around, but you have two choices for the penalty. All the races (except human and half-elf, having no penalty to any attribute) get it. Half-orcs can choose to be closer to orcs, getting +2 str, +2 wis and eather -2 int or cha.
I want to play in YOUR games. :D [Here, has an cookie for your awesome post.]I like the fluff for dwarfs. The slight tinge of Norse in the stereotype is also kind of awesome. I personally see dwarfs as the most dependable race in the world.
You ask and elf for a ride home from the airport, he'll turn back if something pressing come up. He'll feel bad, and it's understandable, but you're still at the airport.
A Gnome will show up, but you're an extra couple hours late cause you had to take the time to bail them out of the security checkpoint for constantly trying to get into restricted areas.
A Dwarf will get in the car and start driving to the airport, and come hell or high water. The only way he's not picking you up like he promised is if all the armies of creation, from the Hosts of Heaven, to the Legions of Hell, manage to hit him all at once.
...On the ride home from the airport, you're having a conversation with a blood stained dwarf who's telling you about how he caught that pit fiend with one hell of a right cross, while wondering aloud if all solars scream like little girls when you're slamming them repeatedly into the concrete.
Our game are in a hit and miss hiatus unfortunately. T~T
I will take that cookie however. *eats*We've been playing Dark Heresy lately, so I need all the happiness I can get to deal with the grimdark.
Thanks for the compliment though. ^-^
One would think "Bonus to Wis, so Cleric, duh!". But with a -2 to Cha, he shoots himself in the foot with channeling.
Perhaps some houserules are needed for that, for example, dwarves take either -2 Cha or -2 Dex (players choice). Or even for fighters +2 Str instead of +2 Con - I wouldn´t allow to let them exchange the Wis bonus for Str, as this would probably result in an overpowered fighter. Then again, if you say, to hell with arbitrary balance considerations, that might just be the solution.
Considering the barbarian, having higher HP is nothing to sneeze at - the barbarian gets bonus str from raging, but having even more HP is "the dwarf that just won´t die". quick´n´dirty dwarf barbarian with the standard heroic build leads to str 14, dex 13, con 17, int10, wis10, cha10. HP 15(17 raging), dwarven waraxe two-handed att+3(+5 raging) 1d10+3(+6raging) does not sound that bad for a start to me. Of course, higher STR equals higher damage overall, but having lots of hp is not that bad as well.
Back to topic, I love playing dwarves, and would always take the Cha penalty, because being gruff and taciturn but good at heart is easy for me to play :-) OTOH, I love playing wizards, so I should consider a dwarf wizard next time I play D&D/PF again. Meandering off topic, I might even use a 1st-level multiclass option fighter/wizard and play a somewhat torn character who was trained traditionally but felt the need to be a rebel against that tradition at the same time. When he had his "coming out", he was ostracized and had to take up adventuring.
methinks i smell a dwarven eldritch knight...could be cool!
...On the ride home from the airport, you're having a conversation with a blood stained dwarf who's telling you about how he caught that pit fiend with one hell of a right cross, while wondering aloud if all solars scream like little girls when you're slamming them repeatedly into the concrete.Answer: They do, especially if you use their eyesocket as a grip to hold on better while doing so.
My sides are hurting now. I blame you. XD
I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that.To Merlin Porkins: I'm a Dwarf fortress player. So I'm biased. My post is nothing compared to what a Dwarf will do in that game.
To KaeYoss: Thanks for the correction. It's been awhile since I read over Elves of Golarion. I'd give it a 50\50 on the Gnome though. Just my personal guess with how strict airports all.
Our game are in a hit and miss hiatus unfortunately. T~T
I will take that cookie however. *eats*
We've been playing Dark Heresy lately, so I need all the happiness I can get to deal with the grimdark.Thanks for the compliment though. ^-^
I miss WH40k dwarfies. :(
I miss WH40k dwarfies. :(Our game are in a hit and miss hiatus unfortunately. T~T
I will take that cookie however. *eats*
We've been playing Dark Heresy lately, so I need all the happiness I can get to deal with the grimdark.Thanks for the compliment though. ^-^
I haven't read much on WH fantasy, but I think the dwarfs had a group of warriors who considered themselves already dead, and fought like hell to take down anything that threatened their people?
Pretty awesome.
I'd go to tvtropes where I originally read about it, but then I'd be there all day and I don't have the time. :P
I haven't read much on WH fantasy, but I think the dwarfs had a group of warriors who considered themselves already dead, and fought like hell to take down anything that threatened their people?
In Legend of the Five Rings, the Lion clan had something similar.
I suspect there is a real-world inspiration for this.
I haven't read much on WH fantasy, but I think the dwarfs had a group of warriors who considered themselves already dead, and fought like hell to take down anything that threatened their people?In Legend of the Five Rings, the Lion clan had something similar.
I suspect there is a real-world inspiration for this.
Really? I thought it'd be the Crab clan, since they're the ones that are constantly fighting the corruption and the most at risk to start turning into demons. I'm probably mixing up clans though. I skimmed the LOFR lore, so I can't really claim to be knowledgeable about it.
There probably is a real world inspiration. Then again, it might just be from the whole "well I'm screwed so I'm going to really ruin those SOBs day before I kick it" reaction that pops up alot.
I miss WH40k dwarfies. :(Our game are in a hit and miss hiatus unfortunately. T~T
I will take that cookie however. *eats*
We've been playing Dark Heresy lately, so I need all the happiness I can get to deal with the grimdark.Thanks for the compliment though. ^-^
I haven't read much on WH fantasy, but I think the dwarfs had a group of warriors who considered themselves already dead, and fought like hell to take down anything that threatened their people?
Pretty awesome.
I'd go to tvtropes where I originally read about it, but then I'd be there all day and I don't have the time. :P
Are you thinking of Slayers?
I miss WH40k dwarfies. :(Our game are in a hit and miss hiatus unfortunately. T~T
I will take that cookie however. *eats*
We've been playing Dark Heresy lately, so I need all the happiness I can get to deal with the grimdark.Thanks for the compliment though. ^-^
I haven't read much on WH fantasy, but I think the dwarfs had a group of warriors who considered themselves already dead, and fought like hell to take down anything that threatened their people?
Pretty awesome.
I'd go to tvtropes where I originally read about it, but then I'd be there all day and I don't have the time. :P
Are you thinking of Slayers? ** spoiler omitted **
Didn't know that about 40k.
Now I have to role a new DnD character. A dwarf Slayer, who's looking for death for being unable to protect his friends. Have him grow attached to the party over time, and fight tooth and nail to keep them safe, no matter what he has to fight, no matter the circumstances. Either have him give his life to save them, and die happy that he didn't fail those he cared about; or grow to realize that dying won't bring his friends back, and that he has to live for those that are still here. Taking up an oath to never let anybody fall victim to the dangers of the world again. Going from a single classed fighter or barbarian, to having a single level of paladin. Maybe more as time goes on. =]
He's on my list for characters to make in the future.
I always liked slayers, but never played them. Bit too sad for me for my escapism.
Greg
I believe both Lion AND Crab have it.
Crab who are infected become berserkers and go alone into the Shadowlands to rip and tear as many horrible demons as they can before going down.
Lion who shame themselves and their ancestors too much are given a single chance to cleanse his family of his dishonor by a means other then seppuku - to join the Deathseekers, lightly armored front line warriors who charge uncaringly into battle.
I haven't read much on WH fantasy, but I think the dwarfs had a group of warriors who considered themselves already dead, and fought like hell to take down anything that threatened their people?
In Dragon Age: Origins, there is a "cult" (I call them such out of ignorance to some degree) called the Legion of the Dead. They are dwarves who basically go off into the tunnels where the darkspawn gather and fight them off until they die for real. I think there was some sort of ritual described in the game, maybe a mock-funeral or some such... but yeah. They were badasses. I have considered using this idea.
I called my version "The Cauldron Born." Just seven of them, six male, one female, she being a witch who tended the cauldron that basically makes her brothers immortal. They forswore mortal life to defend the race from the evil beneath the mountain.
Buuuut that's too high fantasy (and vague) for my tastes, so I ditched it.
There are enough ways to make a decent dwarven druid, especially when we remember that nature is not all forests and green meadows.
Here is my take on dwarf druids, inspired by a player recently:
dwarf druidsStefan
I always liked slayers, but never played them. Bit too sad for me for my escapism.
Greg
Yeah, I can see why. Grim Dark isn't really good for cheering you up. I personally love the idea of playing someone whos only drive is to protect everyone. It's why I'd love playing a paladin in a game with a GM who doesn't try to shoehorn me into the stereotypical Lawful Stupid form of lawful good. I always saw lawful as not for laws, which are an institution, but order. Whether in the form of intense personal discipline like the monk, a set of ideals that you hold yourself too.
I see a paladin as someone who's a shield for those who need one, a defender and a guardian. Not a sworn lacky for knightly orders and governments, but someone who takes a stand for everyone everywhere, to face the darkest things in creation, and beyond, so no one else has to.
It's why I think my vision of Dwarfs fit the Paladin class in spirit.
Elves and Dwarfs are two predominately good races that, despite their personal hang ups, are the first to take a stand and fight for the greater good. =]
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I believe both Lion AND Crab have it.
Crab who are infected become berserkers and go alone into the Shadowlands to rip and tear as many horrible demons as they can before going down.
Lion who shame themselves and their ancestors too much are given a single chance to cleanse his family of his dishonor by a means other then seppuku - to join the Deathseekers, lightly armored front line warriors who charge uncaringly into battle.
Thanks for the info. Glad I was half right.
In Dragon Age: Origins, there is a "cult" (I call them such out of ignorance to some degree) called the Legion of the Dead. They are dwarves who basically go off into the tunnels where the darkspawn gather and fight them off until they die for real. I think there was some sort of ritual described in the game, maybe a mock-funeral or some such... but yeah. They were badasses. I have considered using this idea.
I called my version "The Cauldron Born." Just seven of them, six male, one female, she being a witch who tended the cauldron that basically makes her brothers immortal. They forswore mortal life to defend the race from the evil beneath the mountain.Buuuut that's too high fantasy (and vague) for my tastes, so I ditched it.
I kinda like it. Do you mind if I borrow some of it to use if I ever DM a game again?
What does a dwarf DO that another race doesn't do BETTER?
An Inquisitor is a class that a dwarf would excel in. Not much need for Charisma. That extra Wisdom gets used to help ID monsters. If you don't like the move speed, take travel domain.
I believe both Lion AND Crab have it.
Crab who are infected become berserkers and go alone into the Shadowlands to rip and tear as many horrible demons as they can before going down.
Lion who shame themselves and their ancestors too much are given a single chance to cleanse his family of his dishonor by a means other then seppuku - to join the Deathseekers, lightly armored front line warriors who charge uncaringly into battle.
Ah, Deathseekers! I didn't remember the name.
Anyway, a real world inspiration (of sorts) are/were penal military units. Criminals were basically sentenced to death by being put into a penal battalion, which were sent into the most dangerous missions (often suicide missions).
And Starcraft has something like that as well - the terran marines are criminals who have been implanted a chip to modify their behaviour, put into a marine suit, and sent into battle. And in StarCraft 2, they have a new unit type, the Reapers. Those are marine candidates that cannot be brought in line even with the implants, so they instead increase their aggressive tendency and make reapers out of them. It is said that after two years of service as a reaper, you're absolved of all charges. To date, no reaper survived for more than 6 months.
It seems to me that the majority of people dislike or despise dwarfs...
Can someone explain why?
Bonus points if your explanation is funny or creative.
It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste thier stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.
Agent Wasson
PS Actually, I love dwarfies.
This is my favorite quote from that damn movie... kudos greg kudos.
PS
the matrix has you!
Thanks, Toker what Tokes at Midnight.
I actually thought it was gonna be a first thought of most people. So I rushed it. :P
Gotta guy in our group that can do the whole speech with proper inflection. Unfortunately, he does it alot, kinda takes the Umph out of it.
I have enjoyed this thread titled "dwarf hate" that has actually become a dwarf love-in.
Greg
Thanks, Toker what Tokes at Midnight.
I actually thought it was gonna be a first thought of most people. So I rushed it. :P
Gotta guy in our group that can do the whole speech with proper inflection. Unfortunately, he does it alot, kinda takes the Umph out of it.
I have enjoyed this thread titled "dwarf hate" that has actually become a dwarf love-in.
Greg
was that a hidden reference to the "tick"....the evil midnight bomber,what bombs at midnight?
was that a hidden reference to the "tick"....the evil midnight bomber,what bombs at midnight?Thanks, Toker what Tokes at Midnight.
I actually thought it was gonna be a first thought of most people. So I rushed it. :P
Gotta guy in our group that can do the whole speech with proper inflection. Unfortunately, he does it alot, kinda takes the Umph out of it.
I have enjoyed this thread titled "dwarf hate" that has actually become a dwarf love-in.
Greg
Umm Actualy, yes. One of my fave characters from the cartoon.
Greg
was that a hidden reference to the "tick"....the evil midnight bomber,what bombs at midnight?Thanks, Toker what Tokes at Midnight.
I actually thought it was gonna be a first thought of most people. So I rushed it. :P
Gotta guy in our group that can do the whole speech with proper inflection. Unfortunately, he does it alot, kinda takes the Umph out of it.
I have enjoyed this thread titled "dwarf hate" that has actually become a dwarf love-in.
Greg
Umm Actualy, yes. One of my fave characters from the cartoon.
Greg
so i said to my self "ya baby YA, boom baby BOOM"
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I like the fluff for dwarfs. The slight tinge of Norse in the stereotype is also kind of awesome. I personally see dwarfs as the most dependable race in the world.
You ask and elf for a ride home from the airport, he'll turn back if something pressing come up. He'll feel bad, and it's understandable, but you're still at the airport.
A Gnome will show up, but you're an extra couple hours late cause you had to take the time to bail them out of the security checkpoint for constantly trying to get into restricted areas.
A Dwarf will get in the car and start driving to the airport, and come hell or high water. The only way he's not picking you up like he promised is if all the armies of creation, from the Hosts of Heaven, to the Legions of Hell, manage to hit him all at once.
...On the ride home from the airport, you're having a conversation with a blood stained dwarf who's telling you about how he caught that pit fiend with one hell of a right cross, while wondering aloud if all solars scream like little girls when you're slamming them repeatedly into the concrete.
May your beard never burn and your ale always strong good sir.
Thanks, Toker what Tokes at Midnight.
I actually thought it was gonna be a first thought of most people. So I rushed it. :P
Gotta guy in our group that can do the whole speech with proper inflection. Unfortunately, he does it alot, kinda takes the Umph out of it.
I have enjoyed this thread titled "dwarf hate" that has actually become a dwarf love-in.
Greg
Do you really want to know what?
Mr. Fishy has a dwarven earth wizard and He Rules Ass. Team Dwarf!
Mr. Fishy is half Dwarf that's why he's so bad ass. If Fishys could grow beards Mr. Fishy's would provide concealment.
Elves cause cancer, people should hate them. Tordek wouldn't lie to us.
Favorite 3.5e character ever - Dwarven Runesmith :D Team Dwarf indeed.
LOL...Evil Midnight Bommber What bombs at midnight! what an ecellent concept for a dwarf alchemist/master chymist who's mutant form IS the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight!!
"boom baby! ya!"
now i have to play one.... look what you guys did.
I like the fluff for dwarfs. The slight tinge of Norse in the stereotype is also kind of awesome. I personally see dwarfs as the most dependable race in the world.
A Dwarf will get in the car and start driving to the airport, and come hell or high water. The only way he's not picking you up like he promised is if all the armies of creation, from the Hosts of Heaven, to the Legions of Hell, manage to hit him all at once.
...On the ride home from the airport, you're having a conversation with a blood stained dwarf who's telling you about how he caught that pit fiend with one hell of a right cross, while wondering aloud if all solars scream like little girls when you're slamming them repeatedly into the concrete.
Damn it was that on the news?!? Look they started it! Mr. Fishy was just driving to the airport...
Why do people hate dwarves?
I'll tell you.
It's jealousy. Sheer, unadulterated jealousy.
Dwarves fight better than you.
Chicks dig dwarves (not going to get into why on a PG-13 thread)
Dwarves can drink more than you.
Dwarves smell more manly.
Dwarves have awesome beards.
Dwarves never, ever look like pencil-necked geeks.
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out flipping you the bird and leaving you wishing you were that cool.
That's why people hate dwarves.
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Why do people hate dwarves?
I'll tell you.
It's jealousy. Sheer, unadulterated jealousy.
Dwarves fight better than you.
Chicks dig dwarves (not going to get into why on a PG-13 thread)
Dwarves can drink more than you.
Dwarves smell more manly.
Dwarves have awesome beards.
Dwarves never, ever look like pencil-necked geeks.
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out flipping you the bird and leaving you wishing you were that cool.
That's why people hate dwarves.
Lol +1
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Adding to the above...
Even Dwarven Wizards carry Axes.
A Dwarven Hammer is cheaper and faster than Masterwork thieves tools.
All pro wrestlers are just Enlarged Dwarves.
Unlike a horse, a dwarf won't lose speed in armor or while working.
-(My Dwarf Barbarian actually out ran a horse. Yay endurance and huge con. Though the race was over distance and time...and the dwarf opted on not resting. No magic involved.)
Related to the side note; You can Dwarf-sled into Mordor (or it's Fantasy Flight clone)
Related to the side note; You can Dwarf-sled into Mordor (or it's Fantasy Flight clone)
I feel like this is going to progress into Dwarf themed Chuck Norris jokes. If I am wrong, thats too bad because I still am going to make one anyways.
Once a red dragon tried to eat a dwarf, the dwarf let him. After fifteen minutes he mined his way out of the dragons intestines, killing the dragon. When asked how the dwarf felt about the matter he simply replied "Some one had to do it, he thought he was hot s$&*".
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out
Yeah, people hate dwarves because they rob, pillage, assault and rape.
So you basically say dwarves are like orcs, only a lot shorter and weaker?
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out
Yeah, people hate dwarves because they rob, pillage, assault and rape.
So you basically say dwarves are like orcs, only a lot shorter and weaker?
Its not robbing because you feel obligated to give it to him because he has that awesome beard.
Then he kicks your friends asses, but they were way out of line because come one, thats a sweet ass beard and whos fault is it when the dwarf is totally sober due to that great constitution and your friends are drunk?
The fight trashes your house and you know the dwarf was never good at cleaning, but he says he has got your back next time you go mining so your cool with it.
As he is walking out he kinda points to your girlfriend and says "lets go" and she goes because, damn, thats a nice beard and *hurumph* other reasons (she heard a rumor from tina last week). You are so speechless at this you just stand there in awe while your friends start to rub their heads, cans are on the floor, the bookshelves are toppled over, and your slutty girlfriends is off with a guy half as tall as you (atleast standing anyways).
It happens.
Even Dwarven Wizards carry Axes.
So they all need to compensate.
A Dwarven Hammer is cheaper and faster than Masterwork thieves tools.
Rogues still prefer the tools. They found out that violence is not always going to help. But then again, rogues, unlike dwarves, are used to quality craftsmanship in locks
Unlike a horse, a dwarf won't lose speed in armor or while working.
Unlike a dwarf, a horse is useful if you want to ride a mount into battle or pull a cart without blabbering all day long about how big its axe is (horses don't need to compensate).
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out
Yeah, people hate dwarves because they rob, pillage, assault and rape.
So you basically say dwarves are like orcs, only a lot shorter and weaker?
Its not robbing because you feel obligated to give it to him because he has that awesome beard.
Then he kicks your friends asses, but they were way out of line because come one, thats a sweet ass beard and whos fault is it when the dwarf is totally sober due to that great constitution and your friends are drunk?
The fight trashes your house and you know the dwarf was never good at cleaning, but he says he has got your back next time you go mining so your cool with it.
As he is walking out he kinda points to your girlfriend and says "lets go" and she goes because, damn, thats a nice beard and *hurumph* other reasons (she heard a rumor from tina last week). You are so speechless at this you just stand there in awe while your friends start to rub their heads, cans are on the floor, the bookshelves are toppled over, and your slutty girlfriends is off with a guy half as tall as you (atleast standing anyways).
It happens.
Ah, I get it now:
Orcs are a lot stronger, a lot taller, AND don't feel the need to lie about being the violent scum they are.
I mean, that old "It wasn't rape, your honour, she wanted me to violate her, honest! You could ask her yourself if she didn't take her own life afterwards by hitting herself with three of our axes over a dozen times!" story doesn't fool anyone.
I'll take orcs any day of the week, thank you: It's about as easy to kill them, and at least their war cries aren't as embarrassing. Oh, and orcs stink less.
Ah, I get it now:
Orcs are a lot stronger, a lot taller, AND don't feel the need to lie about being the violent scum they are.
I mean, that old "It wasn't rape, your honour, she wanted me to violate her, honest! You could ask her yourself if she didn't take her own life afterwards by hitting herself with three of our axes over a dozen times!" story doesn't fool anyone.
I'll take orcs any day of the week, thank you: It's about as easy to kill them, and at least their war cries aren't as embarrassing. Oh, and orcs stink less.
She was asking for it in those clothes. Who was she trying to impress? her boyfriend? he sees her naked all the time.. I mean come on, talk about your double standards.
She was asking for it in those clothes.
Well, and dwarves ask to be annihilated with every aspect of their being, and you don't see me systematically wiping them out.
Okay, that's a grey area. Being a disciple of chaos, I'm definitely not systematic - that would look bad.
Still, nothing justifies rape, ever. Knowing what rape can do to girls, I absolutely oppose this (lawful) evil act.
She was asking for it in those clothes.Well, and dwarves ask to be annihilated with every aspect of their being, and you don't see me systematically wiping them out.
Okay, that's a grey area. Being a disciple of chaos, I'm definitely not systematic - that would look bad.
Still, nothing justifies rape, ever. Knowing what rape can do to girls, I absolutely oppose this (lawful) evil act.
haha KaeYoss my man I can definitely agree with rape being bad... but Mr dwarf has a beard and it isnt if you yell surprise...
EDIT:
Rape is bad, do not rape anyone. I do not think rape is funny, it is not funny.
if you think I am a jerk see above disclaimer.
But... stealing a guy's girlfriend doesn't constitute a rape. Unless he actually rapes her, which wasn't covered in the original statement in question by KaeYoss' allegations.
...he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house...
KaeYoss gets three of four right... Two of three, really, as "robbing" and "pillaging" are essentially the same thing.
...people hate dwarves because they rob, pillage, assault and rape.
There is technically pillaging going on, because he is drinking your beer and STEALING your girlfriend... Nowhere does it say that Dwarf Norris raped said female. Your allegations are dismissed as slander* on that front, sirrah.
All of this dwarf=awesome humor makes me want to see a College Humor style parody of an Old Spice commercial with a dwarf. ALSO! For some humorous dwarf love (some questionable material, so not all is safe for work or children), go check out Aimo on deviantart. She has a lot of Dragon Age fan arts; lately, a lot of Varric.
*It would be "libel" online, though, I think.
EDIT: I am not making light of rape, just noting that originally there was not even implied rape in the thread.
May your beard never burn and your ale always strong good sir.I like the fluff for dwarfs. The slight tinge of Norse in the stereotype is also kind of awesome. I personally see dwarfs as the most dependable race in the world.
You ask and elf for a ride home from the airport, he'll turn back if something pressing come up. He'll feel bad, and it's understandable, but you're still at the airport.
A Gnome will show up, but you're an extra couple hours late cause you had to take the time to bail them out of the security checkpoint for constantly trying to get into restricted areas.
A Dwarf will get in the car and start driving to the airport, and come hell or high water. The only way he's not picking you up like he promised is if all the armies of creation, from the Hosts of Heaven, to the Legions of Hell, manage to hit him all at once.
...On the ride home from the airport, you're having a conversation with a blood stained dwarf who's telling you about how he caught that pit fiend with one hell of a right cross, while wondering aloud if all solars scream like little girls when you're slamming them repeatedly into the concrete.
Thank ye good sir. May your cellars never want for kegs of the finest this world has to offer.
All this talk about beards reminds me. Why do all dwarfs have beards? Because real men shave with chain saws. If you can't at least match that level of awesome as a person. You're not a man.
Dwarfs would shave, but they're awesome means that a pathetic chain saw would never do. Theres one dwarf who shaves in the many worlds of DnD. He gets up in the morning, walks into a vast underground cavern. Beats the Tarrasque into unconsciousness, and proceeds to use the unconsicious beast as a razor.
Its the only explanation... :)
Damn it was that on the news?!? Look they started it! Mr. Fishy was just driving to the airport...I like the fluff for dwarfs. The slight tinge of Norse in the stereotype is also kind of awesome. I personally see dwarfs as the most dependable race in the world.
A Dwarf will get in the car and start driving to the airport, and come hell or high water. The only way he's not picking you up like he promised is if all the armies of creation, from the Hosts of Heaven, to the Legions of Hell, manage to hit him all at once.
...On the ride home from the airport, you're having a conversation with a blood stained dwarf who's telling you about how he caught that pit fiend with one hell of a right cross, while wondering aloud if all solars scream like little girls when you're slamming them repeatedly into the concrete.
I am curious on how you fit in your tank with a beard that full. Mayhaps an enclosure larger then this collective's original conjecture?
Or does space just fold and bend around your beard?
Nowhere does it say that Dwarf Norris raped said female.
The witnesses say it.
EDIT: I am not making light of rape, just noting that originally there was not even implied rape in the thread.
Dwarves are devious bastards about that.
All this talk about beards reminds me. Why do all dwarfs have beards? Because real men shave with chain saws.
But dwarves are no real men. They're no men at all. They're dwarves.
And a real man doesn't need a beard to show his manliness.
They're but a crutch, a pretence. Real men can stand tall, even without beards.
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out
Yeah, people hate dwarves because they rob, pillage, assault and rape.
So you basically say dwarves are like orcs, only a lot shorter and weaker?
Dwarves are like short orcs with beards and better PR agents. They ain't weaker unless you're counting smell. Dwarves do the same things, but with style and good humor. Makes all the difference.
And they don't rape. No need. Chicks dig them. That's our story and we're sticking to it.
So, if you invite a dwarf to your party, he drinks all your beer, beats up all your friends, steals your girlfriend and trashes your house, and then walks out
Yeah, people hate dwarves because they rob, pillage, assault and rape.
So you basically say dwarves are like orcs, only a lot shorter and weaker?
Its not robbing because you feel obligated to give it to him because he has that awesome beard.
Then he kicks your friends asses, but they were way out of line because come one, thats a sweet ass beard and whos fault is it when the dwarf is totally sober due to that great constitution and your friends are drunk?
The fight trashes your house and you know the dwarf was never good at cleaning, but he says he has got your back next time you go mining so your cool with it.
As he is walking out he kinda points to your girlfriend and says "lets go" and she goes because, damn, thats a nice beard and *hurumph* other reasons (she heard a rumor from tina last week). You are so speechless at this you just stand there in awe while your friends start to rub their heads, cans are on the floor, the bookshelves are toppled over, and your slutty girlfriends is off with a guy half as tall as you (atleast standing anyways).
It happens.
Couldn't have said it better!
Oh, and orcs stink less.
Now you're getting personal. I told you. It's a manly scent. Goes back to my first point. Pure jealousy.