The (inevitable) thread to post your items that violate ALL of the auto-reject advice


RPG Superstar™ 2011 General Discussion

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Since they won't make the contest anyway, post your items that violate all sixteen elements of the auto-reject advice, but otherwise follow the rules of the contest (except maybe the word-count limit).


I have actually tried to do one before, while trying to keep it a somewhat good item nonetheless.
So if you search for them you will notice that many are subverted or hidden.
Some aren't there because Sean didn't yet post them then and there are some which Sean will likely post in the coming days. So good luck finding all of them ;)

For some extra tropes simply add one of the following Quotes (for #11 and #12)

"Could you lend me an hand"
"This might come in handy"
"I just can't keep my hands to myself"
"now I'm unarmed"
"Let's see what this can in hand-to-hand combat"
....

(there are thousands of them)


Wordman wrote:
Since they won't make the contest anyway, post your items that violate all sixteen elements of the auto-reject advice, but otherwise follow the rules of the contest (except maybe the word-count limit).

Hmm... How hard am I willing to work for this...

OH, WAIT! I'm off work for the next SEVEN DAYS?!?!

The Final Word Processor is inbound.


Genius. I'm going to have fun with this. So, I take it these should be submitted anonymously? I already have something in mind. #17 will be the hardest to integrate.

Paizo Employee Director of Brand Strategy

Saker wrote:
Genius. I'm going to have fun with this. So, I take it these should be submitted anonymously? I already have something in mind. #17 will be the hardest to integrate.

The only way to submit anonymous entries is through the official RPG Superstar submission engine, which won't go live until next month.

Star Voter Season 9

Stick
Aura Faint Necromancy; CL 33th
Slot Nose; Price 20 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This cylindrical item is made of wood. Dogs tend to catch it when you throw it away. Three times per day you can use this item to cast the spell mage hand. Once per year this item can be used to summon a blind squirrel.
Construction
Requirements power attack, improved initiative, dimension door, wish, Windows Vista; Cost 60,000 gp

Star Voter Season 9

Tha Superdupa Everythingdestroying Sword
Aura Aura of Coolness; CL What is this?
Slot Hands, duhh...; Price 10,000 Euro; Weight 30 lbs.
Description
this sword is like superkewl and it shoot lasers and if you push the button it turns into a helicopta. it kinda looks like those things in star wars but its a little different and if you have two of them you can combine them and make this uberawesome megasword that can KILL dragons and even that guy from lord of teh ringz
Construction
Requirements laser, hammer, blowtorch, fireball; Cost 30,000 gp


Ceylon Tom wrote:

Tha Superdupa Everythingdestroying Sword

THIS IS SO EFFING SWEET. I want 1 to rob bank wif.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

I think I managed to get all 16 in there. And do you know how painful it is for me to leave typos/not proofread? Do I get to have an RPG LoserStar in my title now?

-----------
Building Block
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 15th
Slot It has many slots! Price $29.95 MSRP; Weight -

Description
This ingenious item was created by Larry "Egghead" Gobbledygook Olekirk, a gnome from Denmark, who used it to create a beautiful park which he used to attract children, capture them, and devour them in a public orgy of hideousness. "Behold!" Larry would say about his work, "This is truly the most remarkable item, my gift to artisans of all kinds! Play well, children! Play well."

This small rectangular cube is made of hardened resin and colored a bright red. Variants may also be yellow, blue, green, white, or black; very rare and valued variants may be transparent. The bottom of the rectangle is open, revealing it is mostly hollow inside, and has six raised circular "buttons" on the opposite side.

Just holding the block in your hand allows you to cast Fabricate three times a day. If the bearer has the channel energy class featuers, she can focus her power on the block to repair damaged constructs and objects as if they were living creatures.

Storing the block in a container and leaving it alone for a week results in a special effect (roll 1d6 and consult the table below):
1. 2d10 additional building blocks appear, of different sizes and colors.
2. The building block has formed into a magical device which you can use to cast sending at will.
3. The block has disappeared, and instead there is a tiny resin figurine of a humanoid with yellow skin, which you can use as a figurine of wondrous power. Roll randomly to determine which kind.
4. You find all the building blocks you want, except that one you need to finish your tower.
5. A golem rises out of the box, serving your commands. Treat as a wood golem, but not exactly.
6. The box containing block emits a blinding light, leaving you blind but with blindsense 30' and tremorsense 30' as compensation for 24 hours.

Multiple building blocks can be used to build a 10', 1' inch thick wall with equivalent traits of a stone wall of the same size and thickness.

Construction
Requirements fabricate, make whole, animate objects, blindness/deafness, the blood of a five year old child who dreamed of being an engineer; Cost 10,000 gp

Sovereign Court RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6

DeathQuaker wrote:
the blood of a five year old child who dreamed of being an engineer

Ok, I am twisted, this made me laugh out loud.


Final Word (Processor)
Aura
All CL 30th
Slot —; Price 300 gp; Weight 50 lbs or so, but it varies a lot

Description
“Just another minute, Mom! I can’t come out of the basement or eat a bite of food until this chapter’s done or I’ll never win NaNoWriMo!”

Final Word (Processors) were, until perhaps 20 years ago, very rare items. However, as their manufacturing costs have gone down and their versatility has gone up, Final Word (Processors) have found their way even into the hands of many non-adventuring children.

Two main types are known to exist: those patterned after the “IBM” (which means Indecipherably Boring/Mundane in the tongue of the ancient Oeridians) device, and those patterned after (but bearing no resemblance to) the apple. Interestingly, despite the fact that they look similar, perform the same basic tasks, and the output from one is indistinguishable from the output of the other, a character that uses one type will almost always develop a pathological hatred of characters that use the other type.

Each of these devices is thought to have a differing alignment, but in all other respects each is alike. If a user of an alignment different from that of the Final Word (Processor) attempts to use it, it produces no usable results and the user must roll a save vs death magic or be rendered babblingly, stutteringly enraged for a period of a half-hour or so, seeing everything in a red-hued rage and unable to interact constructively with anything or anyone.

In the hands of a user of like alignment, the Final Word (Processor) can do literally anything. Much like a Green Power Ring, the might of a Final Word (Processor) is limited only by the willpower and imagination of the user. Whole existences can be made and unmade with the slightest thought. This power comes at a price, though: Final Word (Processors) are fragile items, and are prone to break down both occasionally and over time. Occasional failures tend to occur smack-dab in the middle of the aforementioned making of whole existences, and if a hero has not rescued said making prior to its loss (explain to me how you’re supposed to save something that shows no evidence of distress?!?!), the user is hosed. Totally hosed.

If you want, you can produce random effects for the Final Word (Processor) by rolling a d20, a d6, and 2d20. Let the first d20 be the letters of the alphabet minus the vowels. Let the d6 be the vowels, then add the other two not-vowels. Type that into Google, and the first sentence where that string of four letters occurs, happens, irregardless of everything else and no matter what!

Once, each Final Word (Processor) bore a name: ACER, Toshiba, COMPAQ, Commodore, Lenovo, ADAM, Gateway, Sony, and Mac. Of course, the boom in production has led to genericization, so now, Final Word (Processors) can be found with a thousand names – or none.

Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, that spell that writes stuff down for you; Cost 1500 gp

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

Matthew Morris wrote:
DeathQuaker wrote:
the blood of a five year old child who dreamed of being an engineer
Ok, I am twisted, this made me laugh out loud.

My work here is done. :)

Liberty's Edge

DQ, that is the funniest thing I've read in a very, VERY long time.


That Old Guy wrote:
Ceylon Tom wrote:

Tha Superdupa Everythingdestroying Sword

THIS IS SO EFFING SWEET. I want 1 to rob bank wif.

sniff... s'not as good as a katana


M'Tuk'Tuk the Angry Crocodile wrote:
That Old Guy wrote:
Ceylon Tom wrote:

Tha Superdupa Everythingdestroying Sword

THIS IS SO EFFING SWEET. I want 1 to rob bank wif.
sniff... s'not as good as a katana

Katana vs lazer sword? I no a guy that made a LAZER KATANA for 32nd level samurai/21st level sorc one time.


Hush Puppies
Aura strong charm, conjuration and transmutation; CL 13th
Slot feet and none; Price Suspiciously Free (see below); Weight 1 lbs.
Description

These stylish and comfortable footwear, usually brown and white, will have your friends say, "Hey, where can I get a pair of those." Little do they know of their omninous past.
Skinned from Hell Hounds of the lowest plains of Tartersauce and enchanted by a virgin whore; these stylish shoes give foot-were a whole new meaning.

Able to be donned over your existing boots, magic or otherwise, they consume your foot in comfort. These shoes act as Oder Eaters for your worn footwear beneath, fueling its power. In addition, these soft boots enable the wearer to move quietly in virtually any surroundings, granting a +5 competence bonus on Move Silently checks. Once per well moonlit night the Hush Puppies grant 1 of 4 effects, determined randomly by DM.

1: Cast Stinking Cloud 3/day. Your feul source has sprung a leak.
2: Cast Silence 3/day. Silent but deadly.
3: Cast Charm 3/day. Usually used against those who scoff at your stylishness.
4: Summon 2 Werewolves in were-form 1/night. Releasing the puppies for a good nights run, oh and to ravage the countryside. You too gain all the abilities of a werewolf in humanoid form, but can not transform, and are not contagious. If gaining this result on a full moon, then they are not simply summoned but transform from your feet (removing all other benefits and stylishness) and attack all those near you, leaving the owner for last. They will attack any who scoffed at them first.

These shoes can never be taken off. The only way rid yourself of them, as if you wanted to, is to run away from them on a night they transform screaming, "Nice puppy, nice puppy." This will appease them to allow your escape. Come the morn, they will transform back to their stylish selves awaiting a gnome wondering the forrest with some good fashion sense.

Construction
Requirements virgin whore, relentless butcher, cloudkill, impeachable fashion sense; Cost 666 gp


Saker wrote:

Hush Puppies

Still chuckling. Never quite guffawing, but definitely chuckling. "Nice puppy" is a great touch.


That Old Guy wrote:
Saker wrote:

Hush Puppies

Still chuckling. Never quite guffawing, but definitely chuckling. "Nice puppy" is a great touch.

I wrote the first half late at night cracking myself up (I get giddy when it's late) and "cleaned" it up and filled in the needed blanks in the morning when my right brain kicks in.

Hush Puppies, the name alone has always cracked me up ever since I was a little kid. I get the mental image of puppies on my feet. I have NO idea why that popped in to my head last night, but once it did I rolled with it.

I like your Final Word Processor too. I am of the IT persuasion and have worked with both systems (and customers) extensively. Much of what you said is sooo true. I'm less anti-mac and more pro-PC though.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

These are all awesome. The Final Word Processor is funny because it's true.

The Hush Puppies are also fantastic. I'm only sad that something involving a delicious mix of deep fried corn meal and onion batter didn't get worked in there somewhere.

Does the Stick go with Ren and Stimpy's Log?

Jeremeziah: Thanks!

Shadow Lodge

The Holy Hand Grenade of Genocide
Aura of godliness; CL 666th
Slot Weapon; Price Can't buy or sell; Weight 1 lb
Description
"Welcome one and all! Tired of those pesky goblins? Tired of having your village razed by Dragons? Well, NetHack Inc. has the answer!"
Brand new off the factory floor! The fine people at NetHack Inc. got tired of their machinery (what you peasants would call "magic workings") being broken by gremlins so they invented a device to kill all gremlins, everywhere. They had no idea it could be used for any type of creature.
The Holy Hand Grenade of Genocide looks like a small grey egg with bumps all over it and a small ring attached to a stick preventing the handle attached to the top from moving. All the player need do is call out loud the specific type of creature to kill (abberation, animal, dragon, ect - please don't scream humanoid), pull the pin (Strength check DC 69) and then throw it in the air. Thirty seconds later, poof!, all creatures of that type are removed from your GM's world (and I'm sure he'll thank you for this). The only way to come by one of these precious devices is to cast wish. Sorry, supplies are limited.
Construction
Requirements wish; Cost 1,000,000gp to bribe the GM with


The Helm of Wishful Thinking
Aura some school of Magic; CL any
Slot head; Price 1 gp; Weight --
Description
Once placed on the wearers head this helm allows its wearer to totally 100% believe any action he takes will have the outcome they so desire. Even if the outcome is a complete failure, the wearer believes that the outcome should be what was expected and that they were cheated by the gods (GM) and will argue this fact until blue in the face. What most dont know is that alot of people already posses one of these helms and dont even know they posses or are wearing one already.
Construction
Requirements wish; Cost What ever the wish spell costs x3

Now there's an epic fail in the making.....lol

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Orange Toque

Boombox of the Lonely Island
Aura strong enchantment; CL 16th
Slot -; Price 242,400 gp; Weight 13 lbs.
Description
”A boombox is not a toy.”
A boombox of the lonely island is a metal box with many dials and switches on its face. The boombox is activated when the user raises it above his head. The boombox emits a loud song that forces all creatures within 60 feet that can hear it to begin dancing as if affected by irresistible dance if they fail a DC 19 Will save. This effect is usable three times per day.
When the user flips the switch labeled “Turbo Bass” the boombox sends forth a shockwave of low frequency that forces all creatures within 60 feet to be filled with intense sexual energy (Will 18 negates). Creatures of old age or older take a -4 penalty on this save. Any affected creature must strip off all armor and clothing, and then grapple the nearest creature. Affected creatures must attempt to maintain the grapple as long as the user holds the boombox over his head. If the grapple is broken, affected creatures must attempt to grapple the next nearest creature. The “Turbo Bass” function may only be used once. Once the “Turbo Bass” function is used, the boombox still retains the irresistible dance ability.
Both of the effects are mind affecting, sonic effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mass charm person, irresistible dance; Cost 121,200 gp

Violations
1: Spell in a Can
2: Swiss Army Knife (kind of)
7: Obvious Pricing Errors (don’t actually know on this one; I didn’t check)
9 The Intellectual Property Violation (watch here (NSFWish: language and implied elderly sexual situations))
10: Item isn’t Spell-Checked or Proofread (I didn’t)
11: The In-Character Quote
12: Item is a Joke
14: Item is something we can't advertise due to mature or offensive content
16: Item’s name is a real-world item name
17: Item is modern technology presented as magic
19: Item Involves Vomit (heh)

Dedicated Voter Season 6

It will be a fun thing to see an item that meets all 20 violations! ^_^ Alas, this is as close as I can make myself get (for now):

pre-emptive, could be NSFW:

Brass Cajones of Ben-Wa aka ben wa balls

Aura moderate abjuration and strong enchantment; CL 5th
Slot crotch; Price 20,000 gp & $19.95 plus $8.00 S&H for the masterwork items; Weight 0.25 lb.

Description

"Ben-Wa say man without cajones is wo-man." The Manly Mantras of Ben-Wa, Statement of the Obvious #32

Ben-Wa epitomizes manly virtue, manly attitude and lives life The Manly Way. He is The Most Interesting Man in Golarion. Sharks adore him as a God. He thinks Zon-Kuthon shows too much restraint. He knocks up Lamashtu on a bet. He is more just than Iomedae and kicks more butt than Gozru. When he punches you in the chops, you ask him if you can have another (Will DC 35 to resist the compulsion overriding immunity to mind-affecting effects unless you don't have an INT score). He sews his own wounds shut as a free action. Dragons give him their hoards voluntarily to avoid getting made into luggage and matching accessories for his wardrobe. The Pathfinder Society's level cap does not apply to him. He encourages p-whipped men to get a pair of brass cajones so that they can be Manly Men.

These one-inch diameter shiny brass spheres are useful to both male and female characters of all sexual persuasions. Despite being named after the immortal Ben-Wa, the first pair was crafted by a p-whipped magi who made them while his spouse was away adventuring.

Males find that they have nigh-immunity to fear effects and effects causing the sickened or nauseated conditions, enjoying a +4 morale bonus on such saving throws as well as a +4 bonus to their Intimidate DC so long as they have crotched their brass cajones properly. If they lose their brass cajones, they instead suffer a -4 morale penalty to their Intimidate DC and on saving throws against fear, sickening and nauseating effects until they find or grow a pair. They will vomit at random intervals of (1d100) hours until another pair of brass stones have been acquired. Such pathetic men are at risk of drowning in their own vomit if they do so in their sleep. They are also easily cowed by female humanoids, suffering a -8 morale penalty to their Intimidate DC instead of the normal -4.

Females employ these balls differently than males. Upon utterance of the command phrase ("Oh, Ben-Wa!!" is the only command phrase that ever seems to work for this purpose) the female enjoys the benefit of good hope after a one round delay while the balls activate and "stimulate" the user. The number of times per day that a female may so benefit from using brass cajones is based upon whether or not she is multi-orgasmic. Ask your GM for details - or use the internet. Or look it up in the Encylopedia Brittanica.

Users of either gender can fondle or scratch their brass cajones as a replacement for any arcane or divine focus and non-costly material spell components. Doing so is an excellent substitute for somatic spell components as well. This use of the brass cajones is sure to attract amorous attention, lewd comments and/or disgusted remarks, depending on the company the owner keeps.

While in possession of a pair of brass cajones, the owner is always able to find the best way to the Adventure Hook as well as to the safest places to rest/sleep without being molested by wandering monsters. It's a cajones thing.

Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, good hope, neutralize poison, remove fear; creator must be at least theoretically male and married to a (or have miraculously survived the demise of his) harpy, nag or shrew with a humanoid subtype or torso; regenerate is required if he intends to craft more than one pair of brass cajones; Cost half plus Sundering the creator's cajones from his own person.

Violations:

  • SiaK
  • SAK
  • Backstory/history
  • fails to follow game rules
  • obvious pricing errors
  • is not spell-checked nor proofread
  • in-character quote
  • joke item
  • cannot advertise due to content
  • real-world item name
  • modern tech presented as magic
  • cannot get lost (more or less)
  • involves vomit
  • the not-seen #21: Egregiously Exceeds Word Count.


Turin the Mad wrote:

That's good stuff.

Dedicated Voter Season 6

That Old Guy wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
That's good stuff.

I'm glad you like it. :)


I tried to cover all the bases back when there were only 17 rules:

Spoiler:

#1: spell in a can - yep
#2: swiss army knife - yep
#3: backstory - not much of one, just half a sentence
#4: ought to be not and item - shoes that are creatures
#5: violates core rules - never take off & used over other footwear
#6: variant of existing item - Boots of elvenkind (verbatim)
#7: Obvious pricing error - yep
#8: random roll - yep
#9: intellectual property violation - debatable, but use of DM.
#10: bad spelling - feul and Tartersauce (Tartarus)
#11: in character quotes - "yep"
#12: joke item - aren't they all
#13: blind/not blind - werewolf, not werewolf
#14: mature theme - use of the word whore
#15: unclear useability - abilities undefined, activation vague
#16: real world item name - hushpuppies.com
#17: modern tech presented as magic - Oder Eaters

Liberty's Edge

Tobias Mullen wrote:
Boombox

Item needs more boiled goose, otherwise, hilarious.

Dedicated Voter Season 6

Saker wrote:

I tried to cover all the bases back when there were only 17 rules:

** spoiler omitted **

And a very fine job you did, Sir Saker, a very fine job. :)

Sovereign Court RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6

Ok, this only breaks a few, but it's more shower-inspired lunacy.

Bubble Pipe

Spoiler:
Aura strong abjuration, strong transformation, faint universal; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 63,500 gp; Weight --
Description
Appearing as an ornate Rohan pipe, the bubble pipe can always blow bubbles of different colours, due to a permanent prestidigitation effect. In addition it possess the following properties.
  • At will, the bubble pipe can fill a 20’ X 20’ X 20’ area with bubbles. These bubbles are harmless, but reduce sight and can be affected by winds, as obscuring mist. This take a full round action to perform.
  • Once per day, the pipe can be commanded to create a resilient sphere around a target. This take the form of a 1’ wide bubble that when it touches the target (with a successful ranged touch attack) envelops the target. This sphere lasts for 12 rounds.
  • Once per week, the bubble pipe may transform its owner into a mass of bubbles allowing him to cover ground at incredible speeds, this is effectively a personal wind walk spell, lasting for 12 hours. If this is attempted more than once a week, the user is subject to the pipe’s disintegration effect (though the pipe is not destroyed in this case).
  • Finally, the pipe may expend all its power in a single disintegrate spell, inflicting 24d6 points of damage to the target (DC 19 Fortitude save reduces this to 5d6). Targets reduced to 0 or fewer hit points are changed into a mass of bubbles, rendering raise dead and resurrection spells useless. Only a wish, miracle, or true resurrection may restore the slain target. This destroys the pipe.
    Construction
    Requirements Craft Woundrous Item, disintigate, obscuring mist, prestidigitation, wind walk, one pound of opium, creator must be a Sherlock Holmes fan; Cost 31,750 gp.
  • Rules broke. SIAC, SAK, Joke, blind but not blind (at least as long as you don't lose count of your wind walks)references real world item, child's toy (bubble pipe), can't advertise due to content (drug use). Likely some editing and formatting errors too.

    That said, I'm adding it to my serious items file (minus the Holmesian reference and the drugs)

    Shadow Lodge

    The Tome of F.A.T.A.L.

    Aura SO BRIGHT IT HURTS MY MIND!!!; CL INFINITY!
    Slot -; Price $3,200,000,000 gp; Weight 12 lbs.

    Description
    This giant book has the potential to destroy anything. Anything that reads it suffers 1d47 sanity loss. It's also heavy enough to wield as an improvised weapon dealing 1d8 damage. Any female who reads it will forever hate all menfolk. There's lots of spells in it. One of them destroys the entire campaign setting. Due to mysogonistic nature of the work, anyone who reads it has the chance to be sickened every single round spent reading it. The book is over 900 pages long. Depending on the readers intelligence, how long it takes to read. Your wisdom score divided by your INT bonus is the chance that you realize the horrible drain on your sanity that the book is making and you can roll a Will save to quit reading. Each page takes 10 minutes divided by your INT bonus to read. If you divide by zero you cease to exist. Now roll for anal circumferance.

    Construction
    Requirements You gotta be a wizurd; Cost $1,600,000,000 gp


    Jalapeno on a Stick
    Aura: Slight Enchantment CL: 1
    Slot: -- Price: 200,000 pascos or 2gp Wt: dependant on size of Jalapeno

    Description
    Invented by the famed Enchanter Jeff Dunham Jalapeno on a Stick is no ordinary magic item. As once said by Jeff’s faithful companion Peanut “and then they take a nap.” See what Peanut was really try to say was Jalapeno on a Stick is used to, well, to put you to sleep.

    How it works is you speak thru Jalapeno on a Stick and wave it back and forth slowly putting your audience in a trance. But remember you must be careful for if done wrong it can lead to your audience laughing hysterically, which leads to a second affect Jalapeno on a Stick can have.

    Also you can eat Jalapeno on a Stick giving you 1 of 2 abilities but this limits its use to just one time. The first would be the ability to breathe fire like a dragon. The other would be to vomit profusely.

    Warning: Use of this item can cause nausea, diarrhea, and may lead to IBS(Irritable bowl syndrome). It can also lead to uncontrolled laughter, tears of joy, and lead one to talk about it for hours with friends.

    Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Profession: Cook, Sleep, ; Cost 100,000 pascos or 1gp

    Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8 aka AWizardInDallas

    The Annihilator
    Aura: Major Evocation CL: 20
    Slot: -- Price: priceless! duh!? Wt: 2 lbs. of flaming death!

    Description
    For over 500 years the game has been the same, but now a new chess piece has arrived! And it will blow you away! THE ANNIHILATOR! Forged from the fires of Hell and officially sanctioned by the World Chess Federation! So, where is the Annihilator allowed to move on the board? Anywhere it [insert deity and profane expletive here] well wants to move!* The Annihilator! Chess just got punched in the face!

    *Can still be moved even after check mate!!!

    Requirements: Craft Nuclear Death; Cost you can't afford it!

    The Annihilator!

    (Credit: Demetri Martin)


    vikking wrote:

    The Helm of Wishful Thinking

    Aura some school of Magic; CL any
    Slot head; Price 1 gp; Weight --
    Description
    Once placed on the wearers head this helm allows its wearer to totally 100% believe any action he takes will have the outcome they so desire. Even if the outcome is a complete failure, the wearer believes that the outcome should be what was expected and that they were cheated by the gods (GM) and will argue this fact until blue in the face. What most dont know is that alot of people already posses one of these helms and dont even know they posses or are wearing one already.
    Construction
    Requirements wish; Cost What ever the wish spell costs x3

    Now there's an epic fail in the making.....lol

    I know this was a joke about bad players, but if taken seriously

    this one actually would make a fantastic cursed item...lol

    Imagine a character who blithely moves along thinking his every action a success ( not the player mind you, just his character)

    Refuses healing because he simply doesnt believe he was stabbbed in the chest, Falls in the water and wont swim because...well clearly he vaulted over that pit...loses his diplomacy role, but goes on the quest for free, because he clearly negotiated a 1000 gp per party member fee for their services.

    Star Voter Season 7

    Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

    [QUOTE="Lazurin Arborlon

    I know this was a joke about bad players, but if taken seriously
    this one actually would make a fantastic cursed item...lol

    Imagine a character who blithely moves along thinking his every action a success ( not the player mind you, just his character)

    Refuses healing because he simply doesnt believe he was stabbbed in the chest, Falls in the water and wont swim because...well clearly he vaulted over that pit...loses his diplomacy role, but goes on the quest for free, because he clearly negotiated a 1000 gp per party member fee for their services.

    I'm going to put that cursed item in my adventure. Much fun will be had.

    Star Voter Season 7

    Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

    Also vomit, everyone needs to put vomit in their item's effects.


    Lazurin Arborlon wrote:
    vikking wrote:

    The Helm of Wishful Thinking

    Aura some school of Magic; CL any
    Slot head; Price 1 gp; Weight --
    Description
    Once placed on the wearers head this helm allows its wearer to totally 100% believe any action he takes will have the outcome they so desire. Even if the outcome is a complete failure, the wearer believes that the outcome should be what was expected and that they were cheated by the gods (GM) and will argue this fact until blue in the face. What most dont know is that alot of people already posses one of these helms and dont even know they posses or are wearing one already.
    Construction
    Requirements wish; Cost What ever the wish spell costs x3

    Now there's an epic fail in the making.....lol

    I know this was a joke about bad players, but if taken seriously

    this one actually would make a fantastic cursed item...lol

    Imagine a character who blithely moves along thinking his every action a success ( not the player mind you, just his character)

    Refuses healing because he simply doesnt believe he was stabbbed in the chest, Falls in the water and wont swim because...well clearly he vaulted over that pit...loses his diplomacy role, but goes on the quest for free, because he clearly negotiated a 1000 gp per party member fee for their services.

    Im glad you like it and sadly it refers to myself sometimes as well....lol

    And yes, that would be one hell of a cursed item.....evil :)


    artisan wrote:
    Also vomit, everyone needs to put vomit in their item's effects.

    No, the character simply refuses to believe he is vomiting silly.....lol


    OK so this was my first item I wrote for this but decided it fell under the Just another Spoon Item so I didn't submit it and then designed the one I did submit. I couldnt bring myself to delete this so I figure I would just post it here.
    So here it is The Travelers Ration Pouch

    Travelers Ration pouch
    Aura faint conjuration; Caster level: 5th
    Slot --; Price: 5,600 gp; Weight: .5 lbs
    This 4 x 3 x 2 inch leather pouch looks like any other leather ration pouch except for the symbol’s of magic embroidered onto it. The inside of the pouch has seven separate compartments, one for each of the following; 1-Hardtack/Flat bread, 2-Dried Fruit, 3-Dried Vegetables, 5-Dried Meat, 6-Bar of Chocolate, 7-small flask of water (6 fl. Ounces) just enough to give a person a single meal.
    Up to 4 times per day, a traveler just needs to open the small pouch and a meals worth of rations is found inside. If the owner wishes, as long as the pouch remains open, they can continue to eat the rations at their leaser until the rations are completely consumed. Doing so only counts as a single use. Once the pouch is closed, any removed or eaten ration is magically replaced and ready for the next use. The food within the pouch never spoils and is always edible.
    Prerequisite: Craft Wondrous Item, create food & water; Cost 2,800 gp

    Dark Archive Star Voter Season 6

    Neil's Advice
    Aura nice and friendly caster level high with lots of experience
    slot brain price too cheap for what its worth weight na
    listen to it, listen...
    prerequisites be the awsome Neil cost nothing

    Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

    So...what you're saying is I give cheap advice? -_-

    Dark Archive Star Voter Season 6

    otherway arround...

    Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

    No, no.

    I'm going to interpret it how I want.

    I stopped reading after "too cheap..." ;-)

    Owner - House of Books and Games LLC , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    Neil Spicer wrote:

    No, no.

    I'm going to interpret it how I want.

    I stopped reading after "too cheap..." ;-)

    Oho! Short attention span too, eh? :-)

    Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

    gbonehead wrote:
    Oho! Short attention span too, eh? :-)

    Exactly. You know how editors (and judges) pretty much read until they find a reason to stop...

    ;-)

    The Exchange RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 8 aka Sect

    vikking wrote:

    OK so this was my first item I wrote for this but decided it fell under the Just another Spoon Item so I didn't submit it and then designed the one I did submit. I couldnt bring myself to delete this so I figure I would just post it here.

    So here it is The Travelers Ration Pouch

    Travelers Ration pouch
    Aura faint conjuration; Caster level: 5th
    Slot --; Price: 5,600 gp; Weight: .5 lbs
    This 4 x 3 x 2 inch leather pouch looks like any other leather ration pouch except for the symbol’s of magic embroidered onto it. The inside of the pouch has seven separate compartments, one for each of the following; 1-Hardtack/Flat bread, 2-Dried Fruit, 3-Dried Vegetables, 5-Dried Meat, 6-Bar of Chocolate, 7-small flask of water (6 fl. Ounces) just enough to give a person a single meal.
    Up to 4 times per day, a traveler just needs to open the small pouch and a meals worth of rations is found inside. If the owner wishes, as long as the pouch remains open, they can continue to eat the rations at their leaser until the rations are completely consumed. Doing so only counts as a single use. Once the pouch is closed, any removed or eaten ration is magically replaced and ready for the next use. The food within the pouch never spoils and is always edible.
    Prerequisite: Craft Wondrous Item, create food & water; Cost 2,800 gp

    Actually, the main problem I see with that item is that there's already an item that does that, called Everlasting Rations in the book Heroes of Battle. I like the fluff, though.

    Dark Archive

    Wondrous Item of Wondrousness
    Aura overwhelming idiocy; CL DM
    Slot the one needed; Price GNC; Weight varies by size
    Description
    Helps GM's explain how NPC's pulled off that awesome amazing trick they do that they shouldn't be able to do with their class/race!!!! Take that PC's! NPC's get magic items too ya know! THAT'S how the level 4 Bard NPC helping you find where your damn quest objective is cast a group teleport to put you outside the dungeon! LAY OFF IT! The story is moving forward isn't it?!
    PrerequisitesCraft Wondrous Item, Be the GM!, no the PC's can't have one!; Cost about $0.25 in ink and paper.

    Dark Archive

    :( lol! Can't say 'bull poop' :( lol
    changed it to explained, in case anyone was wondering where it originally said something else


    Sect wrote:


    Actually, the main problem I see with that item is that there's already an item that does that, called Everlasting Rations in the book Heroes of Battle. I like the fluff, though.

    Really...lol, that figures, a book I dont own and its in there all ready....lol

    I didnt think it was all that original anyway either, I just didnt realize that it already existed....lol


    vikking wrote:

    The inside of the pouch has seven separate compartments, one for each of the following; 1-Hardtack/Flat bread, 2-Dried Fruit, 3-Dried Vegetables, 5-Dried Meat, 6-Bar of Chocolate, 7-small flask of water (6 fl. Ounces) just enough to give a person a single meal.

    ...you skipped #4.

    But as a player who hates buying rations and loves chocolate, I'd definitely take one of these!


    Zoraciel Ivtel wrote:
    vikking wrote:

    The inside of the pouch has seven separate compartments, one for each of the following; 1-Hardtack/Flat bread, 2-Dried Fruit, 3-Dried Vegetables, 5-Dried Meat, 6-Bar of Chocolate, 7-small flask of water (6 fl. Ounces) just enough to give a person a single meal.

    ...you skipped #4.

    But as a player who hates buying rations and loves chocolate, I'd definitely take one of these!

    I think it just inadvertently broke 3 extra rules.

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