Player horror stories


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Hm. Ok a few weird/horror stories:

One guy...yes guy...we played with for a while always played a male character who somehow transformed into a spectacular/sexy female. In any genra we ran. We kinda overlooked it in the superhero world but he did the same thing in the fantasy and modern games as well. He also tossed my copy of the old Glantri module and coupons worth about $50 that I'd got for taking part in a medical study while suffering from preeclampsia during my pregnancy into a trash bag because the first time they were on the spot he wanted to sit. I pulled them out of the trash, set them aside...and they vanished again.

We had the 'dm has the hots for a player' setup as well. She was dating another player, and only played because he did. In a low fantasy game with only humans, she got a half-elf and a unicorn defender who [off-screen but we knew it] murdered my husband's character's mentor. That game never got past the first run.

But the best...or worst, depending on your point of view: we were playing GURPS in a homebrew. The GM had an untouchable NPC who robbed every PC entering the town with some excuse I don't remember as to why that the NPC was never arrested by the town guard. Two incidents stand out: when my husband's character tired to report the situation he was ignored by the guard and made a smart remark to the mounted sargent. he turned away and was told 'the horse bumps you'. He ignorde it until the DM rolled for damage, enought to kill the character. A 'What?!" got an explanation that he'd been hit by a rearing attack ["the horse rears up bumps you with its hooves"]. He did allow a do over and hubbby's character successfuly dodged the attack after which the guards left. Then we decided to go after NPC mugger and his cohorts. Now one character, played IIRC, by the DM's wife, was an archer who had taken the 1-point quirk absent-minded. So DM rules that as we're preparing to invade NPC's base, she forgot to bring her bow. Then she got separated from the group and bumped into NPC & pals. And promptly forgot [DM ruling] that these were the bad guys and told them all about us. Now that may have been to say why the NPC didn't kill her out of hand, but the game ended not long after that.


KaeYoss wrote:
All generalisations are false!

Except the one about all black guys being able to play bass.

Liberty's Edge

My worst gaming horror story in recent memory was actually in a PbP on the boards here. It was in early '07, and most of the people involved aren't here anymore (though AWED has mentioned maybe coming back), so I figure it's safe to post.

In short, what ended up happening was that a VERY inexperienced DM decided to run an epic-level campaign in the Forgotten Realms, and handled it badly. It ended up as almost a MST3K-style players-versus-DM game in the end before it folded. I even created a joke character halfway through the game simply to make it fun (and funny) for the other players (I kind of failed).

The Long Trek

Liberty's Edge

Another story that was pretty hellacious was directly my fault.

When I started playing, I had just turned 13, and was trying desperately to become a spooky person. What I ended up as, a few years later, was a Nazi-obsessed, glue-sniffing, chain-wearing dickweed who happened to play D&D. I think the first warning sign of what was to come in the following years was my first-ever D&D character.

This m@*&+~@&#!&& was a Lawful Evil half-elven cleric of Hextor, based loosely on Reinhard Heydrich of the SS. The character (and me) made life HELL for the DM (my best friend of damn near ten years now) by killing important NPCs, MASSACRING VILLAGES, and, my personal favorite at the time, DESECRATING AND BURNING TEMPLES. Granted, the DM let me get away with a lot of s*+# that he shouldn't have, but it was just under a year before he got fed up and sent the character through a one-way portal to the Negative Energy plane.

Anyway, after more than a few years, after I'd discovered that Nazis weren't cool, drugs cause drain bamage, and emo kids were whiny a&##+%&s, I ended up revisiting the character from a completely different angle. Here's the current version--same appearance and basic character build, less fascism and murder.


Jagyr Ebonwood wrote:
...That was probably the most egregious example, but for most of this campaign my CN half-orc barbarian/rogue ended up being the voice of moral reason in the party...I was supposed to be a brutish mercenary, and I often had to step in and defend the 14yo cleric, or protect the prisoners, or advocate against blatantly evil destruction and killing, all while the paladin PC just sat there staring off into space. Sigh...

Oh yes, Paladins are not what they used to be.

Ask any Wyvern...

Liberty's Edge

MordredofFairy wrote:

Oh yes, Paladins are not what they used to be.

Ask any Wyvern...

Now let's not start that again...

Liberty's Edge

gp


When I started as a DM, I promised myself not to make the same mistakes as 3 different DMs I played with. There seems to be a theme to them, namely boredom:

1) The adventure went like this, evening after evening. We came into a dungeon room. There was one monster, which we (6 PCs) defeated instantly. Then there were stairs down to another dungeon room, with another monster, which we again defeated instantly. Then there were more stairs, etc.

The campaign ended with the DM remarking: "You are too powerful. I do not know what monsters to put against you any more."
We were then 8th level.

2) The adventure involved a dwarven stronghold, which we had to visit because the dwarves wanted us to find a magical axe. Our group was partly good, partly neutral. When we entered the fortress, it had an automatic defense: all the good characters could walk in just like that, and all the neutral characters fell under a charm, which rougly worked like a dominate effect. I had a CN character and failed my saving throw against the effect. Which meant I lost control over my character. Since the part of the adventure in the dwarven stronghold lasted for 3 sessions, I spent 3 sessions gazing at my character sheet and listening to what the other players were doing. Today I still wonder why I was so patient.

The same DM added enemies to encounters between sessions when we had had a too easy time, always made the leaders flee (there was always another door to another room where the leaders were supposed to be, but it was an empty room again, or a room with more monsters, and we heard the leader's footsteps running away in the background - so our dungeon maps got larger and larger and larger). And the same DM once did a scenario where one of the PCs was kidnapped, and kept the player waiting for about half a year (we played once every 2 weeks) until we finally found the trail to the villains who kidnapped the character, and then discovered the character had been tortured to death. There had never been ransom notes or any other clue to the kidnapping, so I still do not know what the reason for the kidnapping was.
Luckily the player had been allowed to play another character in the meantime.

3) The third DM was even worse: we were playing in his campaign world and spent 4 sessions looking for adventure. We were looking under every stone, in every house. We were speaking to NPCs, to the city guards, looking for wanted posters near the city gates, we went into the wilderness looking for monsters, etc. Nothing happened for four sessions.
When we commented on it at the end of the fourth session, he told us we were arrogant to expect so much, and that his campaign world was a chaotic world were one thing did not lead to another, and that we had to make our own adventure there.
Needless to say we left at that moment.

These DMs were all adults. The last one was about 30 years old.


Would you prefer a DM like this ?
Had him for years, and always , every game went the same way, with the group giving up....yes you read well.
In every game of his there are some omnipotent thieves/assassins guilds that secretly control all the world, or so this is the impression he always gave to us.
Every city we went to try doing something for earn some xp and loot we always ended up standing in the way of their men/henchmen/thugs, which of course were always way above the medium party level. So every time we had to flee taking what we could or try to fight/expose them to the authorities , which were of course CONTROLLED BY THEM....ARRRRGHHHHHH

Sorry for the last one, but think by now you got how much "fun" such a game was :(


Hmm, I thought this tread was about players, not GM's. Interesting about the players giving up though; I find a lot of players dont even read their own character sheets, I put stuff in my games to make each character have a moment; so I use things from their character sheets, and lo and behold; the party gets stuck and some Joe doestn even see that he has the skill or item or whatnot to get beyond it easily and I can always think of 5 or 6 things the pc's could otherwise do; so lot of it is players being used to games as running with gimmies as easy as the video game genre and not trying to think. When I was a kid and a player; there were all a lot of puzzles and crytpic things in the game; not just all hack and slash.

hehe thieves and assassins guild always want you to believe they are powerful, and the threat they represent is real; hence, look at the mob; they are hard to get rid of; but in the game it is very unlikely that a theif or assassin can stand up to a warrior class, but I know what you mean about DM's pet projects.

I too have had GM's who got P O'd when you killed their special creature; or didnt let you kill it or their pet projects or themes. Is a inexperienced GM problem; hopefully they, like most people, will grow out of it and see that the game is for the players enjoyment and everything in the game is for them.

Yeah, this player girlfriend or dm hookup thing can be a drag; players who only play because their significant other is playing; yeah, this can suck; but sometimes the GF gets into it and starts to play because they enjoy it.

my worst player horror story? not being able to find a RL game; lol.


Shame, it seems that growing older , with job and family problems it becomes more and more hard to organize a game at a table. Or probably it is just Italy that sucks at this.
In the last 2-3 years the only way to play for me has been comp, playstation and recently PbP.

I know the thread is about "players horror stories", but for me having "not so good master" is a horror story all by itself.

The same DM i told before ( the one obsessed with powerful thieves guilds ) did even worse. We kept saying "enough with this f**king city, let's go to the nearest one" in which of course we had to say the same thing 2-3 days after, but in the next city we simply kept falling in the clutches of this people.And the next and so on, until we asked "wait a minute guys...how many cities have we moved to lately" and the DM " actually...2"

Here it is what was happening: he NEVER told us any name, NEVER shown us any map, never gave us any landmarks....we simply kept saying "the nearest city" and he simply assumed we were going back in the city we just left, back and forth again.

WTF??????? "are you joking or are you doing it on purpose?????"
"we meant to the nearest city we have not visited yet of course!!!!!!!!!!"

As i said we gave up


LilithsThrall wrote:

I've seen a lot of players talking about GMs they don't trust and so forth.

But I'm wondering just how bad it really is at other tables.

What's your horror story about what a GM has done?

<b>The Hideous Horrifying Whole or Gaming Horror Stories

as recounted by Rich Staats aided ably by Phillip Hume

Greetings after a break!

This month's topic lends itself to more of a personal narrative style than past installments. Gaming horror stories naturally divide into two major categories, experiences as a player and experiences as a GM. I'll touch on them in that order. I'm also adding one humorous anecdote on convention attendance at the end.

My experiences as a player only a couple of months, but that was sufficient time to learn many lessons about how to run a campaign and do's and don'ts of GMing.

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was the late seventies and early eighties. The gaming products were not as polished as today's fare, but the hobby was booming. There were fly by night gaming companies in abundance run from devoted gamers' basements. It was a time when gaming companies like Judge's Guild produced entire campaigns on colored newsprint for less than $5! _White Dwarf_ was still a gaming magazine (before being assimilated by Games Workshop's advertising section). Sure, the typos were rampant, and there were frequent references to nonexistent tables and sections. The graphics were mostly quick colorized pencil sketches as opposed to the beautiful glossy oil prints of today's products. Still, the hobby was alive and vital, and if you could dream of it, there was probably a supplement or game somewhere that covered it. (Fantasy Games Unlimited must have had fifteen to twenty gaming *systems* active at any given time.) It was a time when a whole campaign could take place in a single expansive dungeon and an inn, and if the GM was really ambitious he or she might add a temple or general store.

I had acquired and read a number of gaming systems including the original Traveller, the D&D boxed set and RuneQuest (all of which I later gave away to aspiring players --- DOH!), and I was just waiting for the chance to really play in an RPG campaign. The chance arrived, and I jumped on it like a rabid raccoon! There are many things which could be said about the initial experience, but perhaps the most positive is that it led me to start my own campaign (now running some fifteen plus years). I just figured ``there has to be a better way!'', and there was. I laugh at the events now, but it was very annoying at the time.

*** Fasten your seat belts --- heavy sarcasm follows ***

The original GM (call him Jon) committed about as many of the faux pas of GMing as are humanly possible. (By the by, he is still active in the gaming world; I just saw a press release indicating he took a technical editing job for one of the few remaining gaming firms.) There were three main players, myself, a long term friend of Jon's (call him Keith) and a mutual friend of shorter acquaintance (call him Dave). Keith's characters showed an extreme form of divine protection. While Dave and I spent nearly as much time rolling up new characters between sessions as actually playing, Keith's PCs were blessed with immunity to all manner of negative effects. He did occasionally roll up new characters, but only when malaise overtook him. (``Send the character away --- he no longer amuses me!'')

On one occasion Keith's character was holding a grenade which detonated. Dave's and my PCs were felled by the explosion while Keith's character was merely grazed. Keith blithely indicated his character was stripping his colleagues of any funds or usable equipment. When Jon indicated that Keith's character's ``friends'' were still breathing, Keith quickly scribbled a note to Jon. Jon indicated that, after Keith's PC was done, Dave's and my PCs were no longer stirring.

Although the most glaring and irksome, favoritism was not Jon's only talent. He was equally capable at being arbitrary and capricious. You never really had any idea of what was possible and what wasn't. During one session, it might be reasonable for your character to get up, walk over to the faucet and get a drink without much difficulty, and during the next session, you might have to roll on a drowning table!

Jon also did some of the worst NPC portrayals I have ever seen. To describe these characters as cardboard would be to do a disservice to paper products everywhere. If there were ever more than one NPC interacting with the party at a time, it was nearly impossible to tell with whom any particular party member was speaking. Jon usually reached his frustration point after a minute or two of character interaction and declared a general melee. (An interesting society to say the least! Imagine the following scene. You walk into a department store, and you ask a clerk where to find the toilet paper. You suddenly realize that you are talking to the manager, and the clerk was either an illusion or teleported away. The manager answers a different question entirely than you asked, but undaunted, you try to follow-up on his cryptic comments. Enraged, the manager, who has inexplicably transformed back into the clerk, pulls out a hitherto unseen great sword and begins hacking at you.)

One would associate some lack of care for the fate of the NPCs under such circumstances, but alas, nothing was further from the truth. Each of Jon's NPCs or monsters was sacred. Nothing enraged Jon more than harming one of his antagonistic NPCs. Frequently rolls would be visibly fudged. NPCs teleported around the encounter area seemingly at random. Weapons' effects changed without warning or cause, and the NPCs commonly evolved abilities as the melees turned against them. Imagine the following scene (these items did not all occur in the same session in this close of proximity, but all of them did occur at one time or another).

Jon: the Kobold blasts you with his staff of fireballs and flies away with his wings,

Rich: But Jon, you said he was badly wounded and that we already stripped him. When did he grow the wings? OK, I'll roll for my character to hit. Wow! A natural 20! Cool! What should I roll for damage?

Jon: None! He has a cube of force!

Dave: Jon, you said I was able to tie him up; plus, you said it was an earthworm!

Jon: The fireballs home in on your two characters. Luckily Keith's character does a triple backflip and avoids all damage.

Keith: Jon, while I'm flipping through the air, I take careful aim with my crossbow and shoot at the Kobold; you know just like I used to do back home.

Jon: [Rolls a one in front of the party, puts the DM screen in front of the dice and states] Nice job! You hit the Kobold through the neck *and* are able to catch the cube of force before hitting the ground.

Dave and Rich: How much damage did the fireball do?

Jon: It doesn't matter; you're characters are dead again.

Keith: Jon, I go over to the Kobold and cut off the wings. Can I graft them onto my own back and fly?

Jon: Great idea! Sure, now you have wings!

Needless to say, Dave and I quickly figured out another means of role-playing.

*** Sarcasm ends ***

Dave suggested that I start a new campaign (he indicated he would rather play than GM), and I, who had done some one-ups prior to this, agreed.

What followed were some truly enjoyable years as a GM which continue to this day. I will relate some generic ``interesting'' situations which have arisen as a GM, but none of them came anywhere near rivaling the ``horror'' experiences as a player.

The gaming world changed. Production values improved, and background became the name of the game. Role-playing expanded from underground hack and slash to city and court intrigue and the great outdoors. The hobby went from a few settings and many companies and systems to a few high quality publishers and a plethora of prepackaged and expensive campaign settings. The players became used to better presentation, and with the increased expectations of products came a (reasonable) demand for a better level of GMing. In the early days, anyone who put out a shingle saying he or she was a GM would be inundated with players while more recently players have the opportunity to shop around.

One of the situations which occasionally arises is that a player is pulled too deeply into the gaming world. I like to give out lots of handouts in terms of documents, pictures, mockups of items, etc. I also use sound effects on occasion. The handouts are very useful in that they give the players a chance to look at something and plan between sessions. I try to be extremely vivid in my descriptions of situations in the campaign and involve as many senses as possible in elucidating the scene (e.g. indicating the smells, the sounds, and any sensations of touch the characters are perceiving).

By and large, these techniques only result in positive outcomes such as the players truly visualizing the campaign world and thinking up unique and innovative solutions to the problems confronting them in the campaign. Still, there have been those times when a player entered that world a bit too deeply. (As a GM, I had to take some large measure of the blame when this happened.) There are two general cases. A player can devote more time to the campaign than is prudent, or a player can allow the lines between real world and fantasy conflict to become blurred. This is not just the demesne of the deranged, estranged teenager forging chainmail in a steam tunnel somewhere either; these have been highly productive, social members of society.

In general, gaming tends to foster interpersonal interactions, problem solving and offer a form of stress reduction through recreation which fosters other activities players are involved in. In particular, the trend has been for student players is to actually improve in their studies over time as they delved more into history, calligraphy, biology, statistics, etc. as adjuncts to the game, there have been exceptions where the player began to spend time on the campaign to the detriment of his or her studies, job, marriage, etc. I know of at least three cases where a player got in significant trouble with a spouse, work or academic pursuits. In two of these cases, I was able to intervene and salvage the situation, but in both cases, this involved having the players leave the campaign and then taking extraordinary efforts on all parts outside the context of the gaming group. (There are many examples where the academic standing of the players greatly improved, and I have been personally thanked by numerous parents for being supportive of their children. So, I don't want to paint too bleak a picture here.)

Even more disturbing is where the line between gaming and non-gaming conflict becomes blurred. This can run the range from inappropriate actions or comments during gaming to physical actions outside the context of the gaming table. In one case, I had three party members start to gang up in a gaming sense on a fourth party member who was the elected ``party leader'' or caller. There is always occasional tension between the leader and other party members; so, I just assumed that the jibes and repartee were par for the course, ``part of the job'' for the party leader. But, things got a bit out of hand. I found out later that several of the party members had stopped talking to each other outside of the gaming sessions. The most serious event occurred when one of the gamers (not the character, the player) *burned* the party contract. (The party contract was a gaming document signed in situ by the party members, PCs and NPCs, which addressed such issues as division of party treasure, promisors of healing, etc.) The party members joke about it now, but it was serious (too serious) stuff at the time.

We can differentiate these issues from strictly gaming conflicts. In one campaign, a PC staked another PC out on the beach to attract a monster! Still, the *players* were best of friends! I keep in contact with most of the old players, and we still do belly laughs when we discuss some of the crazy things they had their characters do.

Let me add a funny aside here; sometimes it is not only the gamers who get sucked unknowingly into the gaming world. Two of my early gamers and dearest friends, Steve and Mike Kunkel, were up visiting me in Washington DC. We were all walking toward the Washington monument when Steve remarked that the Washington monument reminded him of a temple the party had assaulted when they had played twelve years before. Mike and Steve recounted fond stories of legions of monsters their characters had fought and valorous deeds done. My youngest daughter, Beth, stopped cold, whirled around, and wagged a disparaging finger at me as she stated ``Daddy! That's not very nice! You put your friends in a dungeon and then you sent monsters after them! Tell them you are sorry!'' Mike, Steve and I nearly fell in the grass laughing. I was finally able to convince my three children that this was just all ``pretend'' stuff.

I've been blessed with only one truly antisocial player in all the years of GMing. We'll call him Michael. The gaming group has always done more than just role-playing. We have always stuck together and played other types of games, done trips, attended movies, etc. Michael's mother came up to me and asked if her son could join the gaming group. Two of the other players' mothers had told her about the group. In both cases, the players, call them Todd and Chuck, had had some minor scrapes with school officials and the law. After playing in the campaign for a bit Todd became an honor student, and Chuck was elected to the student body government. (Todd went on to study history in college, and Chuck became a police officer.) Michael's mother explained that Michael was a good boy, he just needed a positive peer group and some role models. (Yeah, right!) I didn't really have the option of turning her son down without good reason since I was running the group through the auspices of the community youth center. The horror, the horror.

Michael immediately turned the gaming group against him. He took utter glee in having his imaginary friend backstab (literally) the other characters. Michael continually made inappropriate and embittering comments to the other players. I took Michael aside on several occasions and explained ``things'' to him. I spoke with Michael's mother and told her that her son was just not appropriate to the group. Soon afterward the head of the community youth center told me I *had* to keep Michael as part of the group or else we gave up our meeting place. Eventually Michael came around somewhat at the gaming table. One day though Michael just stopped showing up. When I queried what had happened to him, I found out he had been taken into protective custody for assault with a deadly weapon.

There have been unpleasant situations where players have turned to the ``dark side.'' In the Palladium role-playing game (tm) there is a class known as Summoners (tm). The rulebook explains that most summoners eventually take on an evil disposition as time goes on. I stole the class for my own campaign, and I have had several Summoner PCs over the years. The most recent of these followed a classic example of corruption. Let us call the character Reamer. Reamer started off claiming to summon only faeries and other fey folk, but as time went on, Reamer began to dabble more and more with summoning dark forces. Slowly Reamer's motivations became less and less honorable. I knew that the PC had slipped irrevocably to evil when Reamer's controlling player told me that Reamer was going to summon the most powerful demon he could and the instructions would be to ravage the land! Shortly thereafter Reamer summoned an eldritch fiend he was unable to control and sold out the remainder of this party in exchange for seven years of power. Reamer *immediately* became an NPC.

I had another player whose character became more and more involved with vile chaos magics. The trouble began when the party first found the dire manuscript. Almost to the last member, the party advocated burning the tome, but this character, call him Pee-Wee, said he would hang on to the dark book. Pee-Wee began reading the book, and it was only a matter of time before one of the spells in the book proved useful to the party. It was not long before Pee-Wee began casting truly horrific spells. (In one case, he inserted an undead cuttlefish into his own abdomen for an extended life span. Yuck!) The last the party saw of Pee-Wee was when the party was captured and Pee-Wee cast a blindness spell on the remainder of the party to improve his chances of escape. Pee-Wee too joined the ranks of NPCs.

This portion is entitled ``The Convention''

The last couple of tidbits are from a gaming convention I attended several years ago. it was truly an adventure, and it was one of the only times I've executed a bootlegger reverse since leaving the test track in Heidenheim, Germany. Eric Zylstra, Joe Wyzorek and I headed out for a gaming convention. I had gone up the year before, had a great time and found rooms in abundance at all the local motels, but when Joey, Eric and I showed up, nothing was available. (It turned out that there was a big boating extravaganza the same weekend.)

Undaunted, we started calling around. The typical conversation with a motel attendant went something like this.

Attendant: We haven't got any rooms, but you might try blah-X and blah-Z. They're probably filled up too, but it doesn't hurt to try. Then, there is always the Spar-tan Inn. It is sure to have rooms, but -- well, er -- you don't *want* to stay there.

Rich: Tell me about this ``Spar-tan Inn.''

Attendant: Look, if you go there, I didn't tell you too, OK?

Rich and Joey: [shrug] OK.

Joey: Rich, this Spartan Inn sounds like a *bad* place. Let's call blah-X and blah-Z.

Invariably these places were filled up, but finally I did find a cottage that was available for only $30 per night! That is when disaster struck in my conversation with the owner.

Owner: Great! So that will be a reservation for three. Now, who exactly will be staying?

Rich: Myself, Rich Staats (S-T-A-A-T-S) -- the mastercard is in my name, Eric Zylstra (Z-Y-L-S-T-R-A) and Joe Wyzorek ---

Owner: What! You want three young men from *Boston* staying in my cabin together? There is only one bed!

Rich: That is OK, we brought along sleepin ---

Owner: NOT IN MY HOTEL! (*click*) Bzzzzzzzzz.....

After that, ``not in my hotel'' became a common catch phrase in the gaming group for ``no way, no how!'' :-)

Unfortunately, at the time it was less humorous (though still funny), because we still needed to find a room. As one would expect for any doughty adventuring party, we ended up at the dread --- Spar-tan Inn!

The sky became overcast, and streams of rain fell from leaden clouds as we rode into the sleepy hamlet. We parked the car in an overgrown, public lot. A fish eyed attendant asked us where we were bound for. When I replied ``the Spartan Inn,'' he croaked ``no charge!'' The attendant smiled with a grin too wide for a normal, healthy human countenance and showed more teeth than I had ever seen in one mouth at one time. I shuddered and longed for the warm sun of Boston as Eric, Joey and I shuffled slowly ever closer to the Spar-tan Inn. The villagers regarded us with suspicious glances as we walked up the street. When we turned toward the Spar-tan Inn though, those few on the streets quickly darted into doorways and the dark warrens lining this section of town. An old cripple, who had made his nest for the night in the doorway of the Inn, grabbed my arm with his retched, knotted hand as I reached out for the latch. ``Don't go in there sonny! You'll be sorry!'' he warned.

I patted his hand and thanked him kindly for his advice as I used my sinister hand to open the latch and swing back the door. Portions of the worm eaten lintel crumbled and fell as the door swung into the yawning darkness. A fetid odor, an unholy combination of peppermint and burned liver and onions, assailed Eric, Joey and myself as our collective eyes attempted to penetrate the eldritch, unlit gloom beyond. The cripple moaned and hobbled away, dragging himself with his arms.

The silence stretched for several heartbeats before a horrid keening sound chilled us to the marrow. The sound came again, a hideous mockery of human speech. Every instinct in my body told me to dart away and escape the terror that lay within, but from somewhere deep inside me, at the very core of my being, a voice said ``Rich, it will be *cheap* I bet!'' With resolute step, I entered. Eric and Joey huddled together outside the confines of the Inn glancing suspiciously in the doorway and back toward the car.

My gaze met the source of the keening sound. It was bipedal. The ``body'' was draped in a greasy cloth. Spatters of blood, syrup and mustard covered the cloth in a pattern my mind could not decipher. The body was topped by a misshapen spheroid. The surface of the spheroid or ``head'' was pale and translucent. Blue veins bulged from the surface and looked like the river system of some alien world not meant to be seen by mortal eyes. A tuft of stringy white fur adorned the crown of the head. Two large, veined flaps of skin or cartilage projected from the sides of the head, not quite symmetric and disturbing. Small tufts of white fur grew from these flaps at random points. The eyes, my God, the eyes. They were completely white, cataract and ulcerated. Yet, they focused on me immediately as I entered. My heart froze in my chest, and I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I nearly fainted.

Sound issued again from the thing. The smell of peppermint mixed with decay wafted through the air. I was nearly unhinged by the encounter, and my intellect sought to grasp onto any thread of sanity or hint of pattern or form. I clung to the sounds and thought there was some sense to them. Was it my imagination or did the thing say ``room?''

I averted my gaze from the hideous monstrosity and said ``three for two nights.'' A chill ran up my spine and covered my body in goosepimples as the thing chortled and screeched ``that will be grand! Don't get many visitors here. Not a superstitious fellar are yea?'' I did not answer, but the thing went on ``give yea the best room in the house I will. You shall live like kings.'' A grizzled ``hand'' stretched toward me though the arm or tentacle behind the hand was hidden under the sinuous folds of grimy cloth. With some trepidation I reached out and took the heavy skeleton key.

The key was composed of some silvery metal. It was heavier than pewter and shown with some type of inner illumination. Inscribed in blackface on the key was the number ``13.'' I longed to look back on my companions for support, but I dared not turn my back on the creature here in its very lair, the center of its strength. I asked ``should we pay now?'' Before the words had fully left my mouth, a claw darted forth from the dark fabric and scratched my wrist. A trickle of blood ran down my hand as the thing replied ``pay when you leave in what form suits you.'' I ran outside. The cold, clammy air of that village seemed like a wholesome tonic to my gasping lungs.

Eric asked ``Rich, did we get a room?''

''Yes,'' I replied ``We have room thirteen.''

Joey said ``You're kidding, right? Rich, this place gives me the creeps. Was this some type of setup? I bet that's it Eric. Rich came up here last week and set this whole thing up.''

I said ``let's put the bags up'' without answering Joey's query.

Eric noticed the cut on my wrist and added ``Rich, did you cut yourself?''

I said ``Yeah, watch the door, it has some rough spots around the edges.''

We made our way up the rickety steps of the Spar-tan Inn and came to the door. We opened the door, and true to its word, the thing had given us a truly magnificent room. The heady smells of cedar and pine greeted us as we entered the pristine, well lit room. There were two beds and a cot. The room had air conditioning, a king sized bath and its own sauna. There was a microwave and a refrigerator. Internally I wondered how much it would cost us and what the form of payment would be.

I did not ponder for very long as the tendrils of lethe reached up to us, and we passed into comatose slumber.

The next morning we made our way to the convention. There was no sign of the guardian of the inn as we made our way out to the vehicle, and the door to the parking attendants shack blew in the wind as we left the parking lot.

Eric and I stuck together while Joey went his own way at the convention. Eric and I had signed up to do a ``Call of Cthulhu'' adventure with one of the premier module authors. The assembled players were an interesting lot.

The topic of discussion when Eric and I entered was ``what is the worst thing that has happened to you in your life?'' The first lad volunteered ``I had to strangle my pet cat one time. It was rabid. You would be surprised how long a cat will last when you are choking the s~** out of it.'' Eric and I glanced at each other as the next youth chimed in ``once I saw greater Cthulhu --- I lost all my sanity on that one! Man, that was the scariest thing that ever happened to me.'' He sat down and the vapid look in his eyes confirmed every detail of his tale.

I was roused from my reverie as a perfect bound edition of the CoC rules whizzed by my head, striking the wall behind me and leaving the twisted gore of a squashed bot fly as the rules slid to the floor. I cast a questioning eye at the ``missileer''. He answered my questioning gaze by saying ``hey, it's perfectly safe. I do that s@@# all the time at my house. I kill hornets there for fun. I open up the screen door a little bit and let a couple in. Then, I get a couple of books and sit back and nail the f*ckers.'' Eric remarked what a good shot he was and slapped me on the shoulder adding ``Rich doesn't mind that kind of thing.'' As I glared back at Eric, the keeper entered the room.

The session began well enough. I acted as the caller for the group. We seemed to be making decent progress when the keeper announced ``well, this is the half way point, and boy have you guys boned this one up!'' The group glanced around each other with questioning looks, and I asked ``what do you mean?'' The keeper tilted back in his chair and said ``you're never going to finish; that's what I mean. Are you guys stupid or did it not occur to you to talk to the ski patrol as the very first thing?'' I said ``OK, well that is a good hint, and we'll do that as the first thing after the break.'' I noticed that another hapless fly had entered the room eager to avoid any wounds due to friendly fire.

The whole module appeared to be linear in fashion without room for deviation of any kind. The trail led from the ski patrol to an obscure member of the ski resort staff and onward without any obvious means of connection that our group could fathom, and at last the keeper said ``well hell, I'll just say that somehow you made it to the final encounter.''

The keeper seemed to have an unhealthy appetite for the subject matter at hand in that final encounter. The session went something like this.

Keeper: The cave is filled with rocky pillars, and you will have to <p>sneak up to the front.

Rich: OK, what does the opposition look like that we can see from our <p>current position?

Keeper: you see a couple of thugs on either side of the altar and a <p>crazy priest standing over the altar ``preparing'' a young woman for sacrifice.

Eric: how do we know the priest is crazy?

Keeper: you just can tell! It is the altar that really attracts your <p>attention!

Rich: Does the girl on the altar match the description of the one we <p>are supposed to save, and do we have any clear shots at the guards on either <p>side of the altar?

Keeper: It *could* be the girl, but you notice that she is naked --

Rich: OK, we get the picture. Do we have clear shots at the guards and<p>what is the floor composition like? Is it something we could sneak along?

Keeper: She is bound to the altar, completely helpless, with straps of <p>strong, black leather --

Eric and several others: Eeeeewwwww!

Rich: Fine, now we take up positions to have Jim, Bob and Sam put <p>suppressive fire on the guards while ---

Keeper: She is moaning. She might be enjoying this! The priest is <p>taking special cares in his ``preparation.'' He is standing *behind* the woman <p>--

Rich: Yes, we understand. Jim, Bob and Sam lay down suppressive fire <p>while Tim and Bart rush the altar using the pillars as --

Keeper: The priest is disrobed from the waist down and he is --

The party as a whole: Eeeeewwww!

Rich: FINE! We launch our attack as soon as we are --

Keeper: AND SHE IS FACE DOWN! --

Rich: OK, we understand!

The party: No more! Eeeeewwwwww!

After that ``face down'' became a slang phrase for any overzealous <p>description or something gross.

The payment at the inn ended up being a few dollars less than we had <p>anticipated spending at the cabin, and the trip back was uneventful.

As an epilog, I visited the dorm where Eric and Joey lived a couple of <p>months ago, and people there still say ``not in my hotel'' and ``face down.'' <p>They probably will never know where those phrases came from. :-)

-THE END-

In service,

Rich
www.drgames.org


Will Save 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (2) + 5 = 7.

Eben TheQuiet's eyes glaze over and he stares at hte intimidating Wall of Text, his companions powerless to render aid to him.

Yah, I think that makes me flat-footed as well.


Eben TheQuiet wrote:

Will Save 1d20 + 5.

Eben TheQuiet's eyes glaze over and he stares at hte intimidating Wall of Text, his companions powerless to render aid to him.

Yah, I think that makes me flat-footed as well.

Well it took me a while but its not a bad series of stories.


I appreciated its lack of semi-colons but it started going off the rails there are the end where he forgot the removed the oddly placed html paragraph markers.


The stories are good... again I fall victim to my own smarminess. My apologies Dr. Games.


Dabbler wrote:

Jagyr, I'm not sure if that was funny, creepy or both.

The only event like that I heard of was a guy who played a female character in one adventure that freaked two other players by calmly and in-character almost persuading their characters into bed - one player was a girl, and her character was female, and she nearly ended up in bed before she realised that he was playing a female character; the other player was a guy who freaked because the seduction by a female character of his male character was being role-played so well by a guy ...

This guy wasn't creepy, though - just really, really good at role-playing and he really got into his characters.

Ok, not a player horror story, but a fun one to be shared. This college group had about 50/50 female/male players, and it was a huge group. Roughly eight or nine players, and at least four major NPCs. One of the NPCs was a roguish Han Solo-esque (but with much less honor) character that was hired by the PCs to guide them. He became a valued party member despite the fact the group sort of knew that he would try to make off with valuable objects once all was said and done.

Anyway, he was also a womanizer, but he kept it to folks they met on the journey, not the PCs (though he was flirty), UNTIL right before they entered the last dungeon that was the Big Bad End Dungeon. He then snuck around to each of the female PCs (characters) one at a time, and without the whole group knowing, and managed to seduce each of them with the 'I'm not sure if we're going to survive, so we need to live for the moment!" line. EVERY single one of the female PCs (most played by female players) fell for it.

Hilarity ensued when they started comparing notes later. While no one was torn limb from limb, the girls did try to get revenge in a roundabout way, mostly by ganging up on the bookish, scholarly NPC who then managed to have them all simultaneously (through no fault of his own, save being a decent guy), shaming the womanizing rogue indirectly.

There was much laughter and fun had by all.

Had to share, sorry if it's a bit of a threadjack.


Jeremy Mac Donald wrote:
KaeYoss wrote:


Do you have the whole list of questions? A link maybe?

The list is discussed, pertaining to its use in evaluating people who lie to themselves, on the podcast for WYNC's Radiolab show in the episode "Deception".

The other example I recall being used was "have you ever derived pleasure from a bowel movement"? I believe one other example of such a question was given in that episode but no longer remember what it was.

I'd try for a link but I'm actually kind of scared of what I would get if I type "rape fantasy+bowel movement" into google.

Edit I think I remember the third example "Have you ever thought about committing suicide to get back at someone"?

I just googled that. Top link was "Obama Bowel Movement". O_o


The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
DESECRATING AND BURNING TEMPLES.

Hey, that's a time-honoured pastime!

I remember one evil campaign. It was set in the Realms, around the Moonsea, and we tried to become a power in the region, directly competing with Zhentil Keep and their state religion (Bane).

We entered one temple of Bane (for those who don't know, he's the god of Tyranny, Hatred and Fear), killed all priests, and started desecrating:

We started with piling up all unholy symbols and icons, burning them (our evoker had his fun then). I also took his unholy scriptures and wrote love poems into them with lipstick.

When one of the characters piddled on the smoking, molten pile of ex-symbols, Bane had enough and sent an aspect/avatar.

Good (or rather Evil) times!


KaeYoss wrote:
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:
DESECRATING AND BURNING TEMPLES.

Hey, that's a time-honoured pastime!

I remember one evil campaign. It was set in the Realms, around the Moonsea, and we tried to become a power in the region, directly competing with Zhentil Keep and their state religion (Bane).

We entered one temple of Bane (for those who don't know, he's the god of Tyranny, Hatred and Fear), killed all priests, and started desecrating:

We started with piling up all unholy symbols and icons, burning them (our evoker had his fun then). I also took his unholy scriptures and wrote love poems into them with lipstick.

When one of the characters piddled on the smoking, molten pile of ex-symbols, Bane had enough and sent an aspect/avatar.

Good (or rather Evil) times!

I heard of one group that did that, but they did it to a good temple, but what they didn't know is that foggy rainstorm the night before had transported them to Ravenloft. So, um, corruption, woohoo!


Long (attempted sexual assault) story short:

He: "Dude you don't kill another player's character for no reason just because they're Roleplaying!" Disadvantage: Lecherous -15

Me: "I was Roleplaying my character." Disadvantage: Secret (Killer Robot) -30


I think if I were ever at a table where offhand sexual assault happened in game I would flip the table.

I mean I would literally stand up, grab the table with both hands, and flip it.

I'd tell the other players to stand up first though, I'm not that cruel.

Silver Crusade

ProfessorCirno wrote:
I'd tell the other players to stand up first though, I'm not that cruel.

Carebear.

Spoiler:
;)


Mikaze wrote:
ProfessorCirno wrote:
I'd tell the other players to stand up first though, I'm not that cruel.

Carebear.

** spoiler omitted **

I didn't say I'd tell them to move their books.

Plus I'm flipping in the direction of whoever made the comment. Things like books can go flying in such an occasion.

:3c

Silver Crusade

Don't forget the minis that someone sharpened the weapons on for some damn reason I've yet to discern.

Take pics!


Mikaze wrote:
Don't forget the minis that someone sharpened the weapons on for some damn reason I've yet to discern.

Because it makes them more realistic, dammit!


Mikaze wrote:

Don't forget the minis that someone sharpened the weapons on for some damn reason I've yet to discern.

Take pics!

You never know when you might need a weapon at hand, because you never know who is coming to get you.


Drgames; whew; that bites; but I kept thinking; that post is going to go onto the thread of one of the longest posts in Paizo history; lol. did you know there was a thread for that? hehe.

Desecrating temples; in my game I suggest you only do this if your a priest or paladin class or you might get...results.

players; my players found a lost temple of Set underground; and decided to have sex with a succubus on the altar; now these are supposed to be the good guys; how is this a good idea? Granted they she was in human form and they didnt know she was a succubus; but still, this is a bad idea; and to top it off ;the party is fighting snakemen; snakes and that whole genrem, what do you think was concieved on that altar; sheesh players are nuts too.

Some of my worst gamer stories occur when people dont know their characters week after week after week or their boyfriend/girlfriend plays their character for them. Especially when they play spellcasters. I remember and instance when I was playing a ranger out in front of the party; there as another fighter behind me; then the priest; then the wizard; so the wizard casts his spell; thinking that a ball of fire is going to to hit these hobgoblins we are fighting; but he didnt read the spell; so the ball of fire rolls on the ground right over the priest; the warrior and me; and is out of range of the hobgoblins! I mean really; this is a player problem; this guy was always messing up and getting us in the area effect of his spells and never knew what his spells did, sheesh. I mean really; some classes take some study time; if you dont want to do that; dont play the class.


Valegrim wrote:
Some of my worst gamer stories occur when people dont know their characters week after week after week or their boyfriend/girlfriend plays their character for them. Especially when they play spellcasters. I remember and instance when I was playing a ranger out in front of the party; there as another fighter behind me; then the priest; then the wizard; so the wizard casts his spell; thinking that a ball of fire is going to to hit these hobgoblins we are fighting; but he didnt read the spell; so the ball of fire rolls on the ground right over the priest; the warrior and me; and is out of range of the hobgoblins! I mean really; this is a player problem; this guy was always messing up and getting us in the area effect of his spells and never knew what his spells did, sheesh. I mean really; some classes take some study time; if you dont want to do that; dont play the class.

You know, if I was DMing that I'd politely inform the player of the results of his actions and give him a chance to change them, as it would reflect realistic character knowledge.

Mind you, I can recall one incident in the 'Against the Giants' series ... one of my characters cast wall of ice as a horizontal plane above the giants. Only the DM read the spell description and declared that I had also cast it above the party who were thirty feet away (he over-ruled my protest that I could specify the dimensions and location myself saying that I hadn't done so and so he was going by what the book gave as an example), causing large damage to the party. The frost giants? They were immune to cold, and apparently this also made them immune to a few tones of solid ice falling on their heads.

OK, he was getting desperate to challenge us, but this was not fun having a 19 Int 17 Wis 10th level wizard be told he was too stupid to get the dimensions of a spell right ...


yeah; i agree; part gm problem ;part player problem; I am assuming the gm wanted him to learn his spells to as we all know the mage wouldnt have done that to us; only the player.


Valegrim wrote:
yeah; i agree; part gm problem ;part player problem; I am assuming the gm wanted him to learn his spells to as we all know the mage wouldnt have done that to us; only the player.

As a DM I might retaliate using the flame ball example in this manner if the player refused to never learn their spells.

You start by informing them but if that just means you have to constantly deal with the player saying 'Oh - then I cast something else then...give me a minute.' Eventually you move on to allowing the spell to hurt fellow party members. The hope is that the peer pressure from blasting friends (and their anger) will make the player learn their damn spells.


This talk of desecrating temples reminds me of my first character, "Blackmere, the Archmage." This was way back in 1st ed. so it was a title, not the PrC. It wasn't so much a hose job because we were having fun with it, but ...

There was a new god who hated magic. His worshipers were Barbarians, they were spreading like dandelions, and way back in 1st the Barbarians feared and hated magic. As a magic snob I took offense and after a bit of planning I wiped them out, for the most part, killed all the priests and desecrated the temple. For all my efforts I got a divine curse forbidding me from acting a Magic-User (that's what we used to call wizards).

I took stock of my situation, literally in this case. I had several portable holes full of loot I never bothered to sell, namely +5 plate, +5 shield, a +8 broad sword and several other +5 weapons. Another thing about 1st, each class had its own xp advancement table. So I was a like a fighter but with low hit points. I don't know what the DM wanted, but the magic-hater god came back and I was invited to atone an lead his forces in another global domination attempt. Being forbidden to use the tools of a warrior made me laugh, and I had a lot of cash from looting the temple.

I had realized that the Illusionist class wasn't a MU, so that was next. Got shut down rather quickly.

Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.) I adopted a night-stalker priest-killer with agiprop thrown in for good measure. This was around the time the "To kill a god, deprive it of all its worshipers" meme was floating around in RL, I won, I didn't have to play a Cleric.

Seriously, as a player I was very uncomfortable with the idea of being forced to submit to the will of a "higher power" who could snap its fingers and take away my powers. I don't think anyone understood that. And I was jealous of the Clerics having access to spells that the MU didn't; I was a magic snob.

And yes, I appreciate the irony.


I've only ever had one situation that ticked me off as a player.
I was playing a halfling monk in 3.0, and the GM had devised an event where each of the PC's were to be incapacitated by poisoned darts.
As I saw one of the "servants" throw a dart at one of my companions, I was alerted...then had my ability to deflect thrown objects completely negated. He said "It'll mess up the story if you do that, jsut go with it..." and would not allow me to deflect the dart. He didn't allow me a chance to defelct it and act incapacitated, or anything. Completely robbed me of an RP situation with a "because I said so".
I recognize his right as a GM to do this, but it was still douche-baggery, imho.


yeah; that totally sucks; he should have been able to modify the story accordingly ;sound like he was just a storywriter not a gm; gm needs player input otherwise it is just a script.

Dark Archive

Ugwump wrote:


Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.)

I take exception to that!

*stabs slanderer to death and leaves possessions untouched*


Jarod Darkblade wrote:
Ugwump wrote:


Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.)

I take exception to that!

*stabs slanderer to death and leaves possessions untouched*

No, really, thief isn't truth-in-advertising-for-rogue.

Thief is giving-jerks-an-excuse-for-s$&#ty-roleplaying.

I was playing a thief/wizard in 2e, only he wasn't really a thief. He was an arcane stalker, if you will. Never did any stealing. Used magic and weapons to kill people from out of hiding (or magical invisibility).

And many other rogue characters I played that were not thieves.

I do see rogue characters played by others who insist on playing them as kleptomaniacs. But that's probably poor souls still influenced by the bad name the class used to have ;-P


KaeYoss wrote:
Jarod Darkblade wrote:
Ugwump wrote:


Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.)

I take exception to that!

*stabs slanderer to death and leaves possessions untouched*

No, really, thief isn't truth-in-advertising-for-rogue.

Thief is giving-jerks-an-excuse-for-s&%@ty-roleplaying.

I was playing a thief/wizard in 2e, only he wasn't really a thief. He was an arcane stalker, if you will. Never did any stealing. Used magic and weapons to kill people from out of hiding (or magical invisibility).

And many other rogue characters I played that were not thieves.

I do see rogue characters played by others who insist on playing them as kleptomaniacs. But that's probably poor souls still influenced by the bad name the class used to have ;-P

+1

Liberty's Edge

KaeYoss wrote:

And many other rogue characters I played that were not thieves.

I do see rogue characters played by others who insist on playing them as kleptomaniacs. But that's probably poor souls still influenced by the bad name the class used to have ;-P

My rogue once filled an entire bag of holding with gold coins (ended up being ~50,000 GP by the time all was said and done) while the party looked on and was none the wiser. There came a time when we were looking at upgrading our gear and I managed to trade that bag of holding for an entire set of gear for our party (bluff FTW). So you can be a thief, and a kleptomaniac (i stole a lich's crown as well), and still be good for the party.


KaeYoss wrote:
Jarod Darkblade wrote:
Ugwump wrote:
Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.)
*stabs slanderer to death and leaves possessions untouched*

No, really, thief isn't truth-in-advertising-for-rogue.

I do see rogue characters played by others who insist on playing them as kleptomaniacs. But that's probably poor souls still influenced by the bad name the class used to have ;-P

Yeah, because killing people is way better than just stealing from them. Morally and ethically.

;)


Malaclypse wrote:
KaeYoss wrote:
Jarod Darkblade wrote:
Ugwump wrote:
Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.)
*stabs slanderer to death and leaves possessions untouched*

No, really, thief isn't truth-in-advertising-for-rogue.

I do see rogue characters played by others who insist on playing them as kleptomaniacs. But that's probably poor souls still influenced by the bad name the class used to have ;-P

Yeah, because killing people is way better than just stealing from them. Morally and ethically.

;)

Ever had enemies kill a character?

Ever had those same enemies steal a valuable magic item instead?

By the adventurer's code, killing people is preferable to stealing from them. At least when the adventurer is the victim.


Mistah Green wrote:

Ever had enemies kill a character?

Ever had those same enemies steal a valuable magic item instead?

By the adventurer's code, killing people is preferable to stealing from them. At least when the adventurer is the victim.

That depends. Sometimes it can be a lot of fun getting the magic item back. Personally, I'd rather lose an item due to a theft and have to roleplay the consequences of that theft than just shake my head, roll up a new character and start over. In a campaign, anyway. For one-shots, I'd be more inclined to agree with you.


Wander Weir wrote:
Mistah Green wrote:

Ever had enemies kill a character?

Ever had those same enemies steal a valuable magic item instead?

By the adventurer's code, killing people is preferable to stealing from them. At least when the adventurer is the victim.

That depends. Sometimes it can be a lot of fun getting the magic item back. Personally, I'd rather lose an item due to a theft and have to roleplay the consequences of that theft than just shake my head, roll up a new character and start over. In a campaign, anyway. For one-shots, I'd be more inclined to agree with you.

The point is that most players will react more strongly if an enemy steals a valuable magic item from them than if an enemy steals their life from them.

As far as they are concerned murder is better than theft, morally, ethically, and in terms of cost to recover from.


Mistah Green wrote:

Ever had enemies kill a character?

Ever had those same enemies steal a valuable magic item instead?

By the adventurer's code, killing people is preferable to stealing from them. At least when the adventurer is the victim.

Yeah right, people prefer Rez costs and losing a level to a side quest to get back their magic item.


Malaclypse wrote:
Mistah Green wrote:

Ever had enemies kill a character?

Ever had those same enemies steal a valuable magic item instead?

By the adventurer's code, killing people is preferable to stealing from them. At least when the adventurer is the victim.

Yeah right, people prefer Rez costs and losing a level to a side quest to get back their magic item.

Check the price tags on the higher end items. Compare them to those rez costs.

Now consider how many creatures could kill you, and how many could steal from you.

If it's a lesser item then chasing the thief is a plot derail. Everything you wanted to do has to be shelved while you work on returning to status quo.


Malaclypse wrote:
KaeYoss wrote:
Jarod Darkblade wrote:
Ugwump wrote:
Then Thief. (The younger crowd that's truth-in-advertising for Rogue.)
*stabs slanderer to death and leaves possessions untouched*

No, really, thief isn't truth-in-advertising-for-rogue.

I do see rogue characters played by others who insist on playing them as kleptomaniacs. But that's probably poor souls still influenced by the bad name the class used to have ;-P

Yeah, because killing people is way better than just stealing from them. Morally and ethically.

;)

That's not the point. Morals or ethics don't get into it. It's that not all rogues steal. Killing people "in inventive and pragmatic ways" might be far worse, but most every player character kills. For some reason they never fear that the fighter guy who so clearly likes beating things to death will kill his fellow party members "just to stay in practice", but when they see that someone is agile and has skilled fingers, they assume he'll steal from everyone, and is generally a bad guy.

And then, there's semantics, of course. A guy who kills people underhandedly is not a thief. He's a murderer. If he does it for money, he's an assassin.


Can't remember the crime show he saw this on:
'twern't stealin'! Hay uz daid! Hay dun't naid aht naw moar!

But... but it was you that killed him!

Aho. Tha's ahw-kay. Hay warn't kin.


KaeYoss wrote:

No, really, thief isn't truth-in-advertising-for-rogue.

Thief is giving-jerks-an-excuse-for-s#@&ty-roleplaying.

+1.


Valegrim wrote:


my worst player horror story? not being able to find a RL game; lol.

Same here I understand all too well.


Ugwump wrote:
Disadvantage: Secret (Killer Robot) -30

This really amused me.


My group has had a few doozies over the past 9+ years of playing. Hell, some of those people might visit these boards, so I'll watch my tongue a bit...

...well, except for a couple people whom I will never speak to again. Let's see what I can recall.

My first game with this group ended up being the first time I had played ANY RPG in almost 7 years. Needless to say, my skills were rusty (especially since my previous experience was simply being 12 and thinking that all 18s in my stats was 'awesome'). I ended up playing a monk from the GM's 3rd ed homebrew world who could use lightning - pretty fun. The monk class itself was known to be fairly on the LE end and were vehement mage hunters. I didn't want to be evil, and a majority of the group was leaning towards neutral, so I decided to play LN. In addition, after hearing about my monk order's goal, I decided my character had 'left to find himself.' Anyway, the 7 of us get tossed together on an adventure to hunt down some bandits who attacked a caravan. Together, we were a CG bard, a CN psychic warrior, a CG rogue, a CG ranger, my LN monk, a LN cleric, and... a LN paladin.

Let me try and explain that last one using the following conversation between the GM and the player:

Player: "I want to be a dashing knight."
GM: "Ok, we can set you up as a fighter and you can prestige class into a templar or something once you gain a few levels."
Player: "But I want to be a knight NOOOOOOW! Let me play a Paladin."
GM: "But you wanted to be LN. Can you handle being LG? You don't strike me as... you know... a good person."
Player: *whine*

Eventually the GM made the decision (later known as the 'biggest mistake of my GMing career') and let him do a LN "paladin-like" class from a nation of nobles and a$$$&*!s. Coincidentally, the same nation my character was from, along with the CG rogue. Off we go towards adventure! We pick up an NPC spellcaster (who can cast a series of dimension doors to get us to the last known location of the caravan) and begin moving.

...and quickly stop when we discover the large number of hill giants. Wait, no... THESE are the bandits. Apparently this is what we get for not tipping the rumor monger who told us about the quest. Oops.

So a tough fight, but nothing we can't handle. My poor monk (who, to this day, still has the WORST ABILITY SCORES EVER) spends most of his time doing what he does best: missing. Still, I had fun. And we managed to survive and make it into the giant's cave. This cave happened to have a dungeon in the back of it (woo!). We explore, blunder into a few traps, etc. The group has been bickering quite a bit - mostly out of game stuff. As the new guy, I feel like I'm intruding on a big group of friends. Mostly because I was. Anyway, the dungeon culminates into a big mausoleum. There we discover gravesites for about a dozen ancient heroes, along with a big mural telling some story about 12 heroes who escape differences in religion and alignment to come together to fight some big evil.

*tear in his eye* It was beautiful.

...until the paladin spoke up.

"Wow, I'll bet all of their equipment was buried with them!" *rushes over to open a tomb*

Sure enough, glittering armor and weapons lit the room. More people started opening more tombs, and soon we were greeted with the full magical gear of a dozen ancient heroes. Trying to lean my character as far away from LE as I could, I restrained myself and vowed not to take anything. The psychic warrior, ranger, and rogue agreed. The paladin, however, declared that 'in the name of his god - the god of nobles - that everything here belongs to him.'

He then declared that since the rogue and I were followers of the same god, we had to agree with him. Unfortunately, by the tenets of the religion, the little bastard was right. Within 3 minutes, the group was clearly divided, and a duel to first blood was called for. Hindsight 20/20, I could see the scene as it was setup. The GM was a MASTER at foresight - he could predict peoples' actions without prodding them at all. The ranger and the cleric (of war, I should point out) had a quick duel (which the ranger won), and before anyone could say anything, the GM hauled out a series of typed notes to each of us.

I forgot exactly what mine said, but the gist of it was this: we all watch the first drop of blood fall - almost in slow motion - as the room begins to vanish and we are greeted by the image of one of the heroes we most resembled (the monk, for me - natch). The image chides us for our behavior, then demands we seek out atonement. Next thing we know, we're standing in a forest. A few screams echo from beyond a clearing, as a helpless person runs towards us, screaming "hydra, run!" He wasn't lying.

We *did* manage to defeat the hydra though, and follow the man back to his village. We're given food and are allowed to explain our story. And by 'allowed' I mean 'we are instantly teleported elsewhere.' This time a small caravan is under attack by some perytons (flying... antler... things). We fend them off, and are immediately teleported again. Each time, we teleport into a 'hopeless' situation in order to save some poor individual from some terrible threat.

Yep - we were cursed.

This goes on for several game sessions - I forget how many. We lost the ranger and the rogue along the way (the first to some sort of falling out amongst friends, the second to a 2 month backpacking trip across Europe). Eventually, we teleport into a field near a forest. Not far from us, two little girls (8 and 9, it looked like) are fleeing. Not far behind them, a dozen heavily armed men. I manage to roll high for initiative for once, and leap into action - putting myself between the girls and the men. Alas, I am not able to stop them from firing ARROWS at the CHILDREN (emphasis mine). They hit one in the leg, causing her to fall. Her sister, of course, stops to try and help. The psi-warrior begins lumbering over (heavy armor, alas). The paladin?

"Probably a couple of filthy thieves - they get whatever they deserve."

...

So, anyway, the GM decides he's had enough and has the "paladin" fall for that comment. Not that the paladin knows it, yet.

The CG bard? Agrees with the paladin (dubble-ya-tee-EFF??)

The LN cleric? He notices the men all carry his god's holy symbol and hails them.

Our NPC spellcaster (who is QUITE agitated by this) turns invisible and runs off someplace.

Things go downhill from here...

Anyway, it was pretty much a done deal from this point on. Without his abilities, the paladin is a poor man's fighter. The cleric ends up having to make a choice between listening to the 100+ followers of his god who are in the area, or freeing the village they have enslaved for their war effort. He chooses the latter, but does so by forsaking his god, and ends up also loosing his abilities. Both are slain in the climactic battle to free all of the town's children from a nearby cavern. I fall to -9, but still manage to survive. As does the stupid bard (stupid STUPID bard), the psi-warrior, and the NPC. Then we get teleported... again...

A high-level mage saves us this time before we reach our intended destination (instead sending a few of his servants to save the hopeless souls). We get some respite and healing, along with some new magic items (it had been a while...). We get a little more info on our curse, and are then sent on our way. We meet up with the two new PCs - a halfling wizard and a human sorceress (the paladin's new character). Their group of 5 adventurers was horribly defeated by a group of goblins, and are the only two left. We port in and render a rescue. With the death of the last goblin, we turn to our new potential allies and begin to speak.

And by 'speak' I mean 'watch as the sorceress starts tearing through the dead bodies of her previous companions taking all of their magic items.' Completely ignored us - just started ripping - LITERALLY ripping the bodies apart in order to get stuff. The halfling begins digging graves for his fallen friends, and decides to remove the wedding ring from one of them. The sorceress immediately yells 'no, that's MINE!' and shoves him out of the way, snaps the finger off, and pockets the ring.

...

*sigh*

This character didn't last that long, either. A few games later, we wound up again in the home of the powerful wizard who aided us earlier. Very end of the game, we got our XP and leveled. The player then announces that his character is taking the first level of Dragon Disciple.

For BLUE DRAGONS.

You know, the EVIL ones. No, you didn't HAVE to be evil to take the class, but under original 3rd ed rules, once you hit 10th, you gained the full template, and the template called for chromatic half-dragons to be evil. As such, this would cause an alignment shift (per GM's ruling - and this is something he has stated in the past he WOULD DO if anyone took this class or gained a template). Anyway, he chose blue because *drumroll* he liked the color scheme.

Did I mention this was a powerful archmage's tower? With a bunch of wards and everything? Wards that were designed to keep out undesirable things? Like, for example... EVIL BLUE DRAGONS? Apparently the wards don't distinguish between 'actual evil blue dragon' and 'sorceror taking first level of DD.'

...

*SQUISH!*

Sad... so sad...

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