The Next Poster...

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*grabs a vacuum cleaner*

*pantomimes that the next poster either dances with their pants on their head or negotiated a peace treaty between Hell and the Abyss in the Blood Wars.*

I was only able to do the latter because I did the former. After that, they were as putty in my hands.

The next poster also has putty in their hands. What they decide to make with it will shock you!

I made a surprisingly effective taser.

The next poster volunteers to have me taze them!

Oh my, yes!

But I choose where...

The next poster will help me gird my loins for the coming shock.

Scarab Sages

Just position your feet and bend your back like so, and....

The next poster will explain why I've been away from this thread for so long.

Sovereign Court

Because of GoatToucher, enough said!

The next poster believes that you can never say enough.

Enouphlphluph. Egebubblubblubl. Eblebebbleyebnleywebbleyweph.

No, you can't, but only because your moustache keeps getting caught in your gob.

The next poster can teach us Advanced Trimming.

You can trim a tree. You can trim the fat. You can even trim your trim! However, you cannot trim Pulg. His hair beat up Chuck Norris, out-sleuthed both Gibbs and Holmes, out-crimed Moriarty and Kingpin, and out-spied Michael Westin. You have no chance of trimming it.

The next poster tried...

I used my claws. Totally ineffective.

The next poster can't keep their hands to themselves.



The next poster is a FOOL!

Ouch! Ah, a fellow traveler from Planet Mothmen. Dangit! I knew I shouldn't have posted next.

The next poster knows a thing or two about posting.

Postman Pulg
Postman Pulg
Postman Pulg and his black and white bulg.

Early in the morning, just as day is dawning,
He picks up all the letters in his chessboard patterned posing pouch.

The Next Poster is Pulg's supervisor, and will give him a lecture on appropriate workplace attire.

Dark Archive

Well I'm not your supervisor, but you will have to disrobe while numerous doms mutilate our private areas and fill our orifices with various phallic objects.

The next poster has very strong prejudice against fey creatures

They're so spicy and their wings get stuck in my teeth.

The next poster is terrified to watch Rom Coms.

I am! I have a phobia of Sassy Gay Friends (tm)!

The next poster was kissed by their ex in front of their new love interest!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

and Z dumped me after X kissed me. I need to stop dating letters.

The next poster only dates among the Greek alphabet.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

What can I say? I like Pi(e)!

The next poster is going to start their own country.

Yes, if that's how you call to ruling over the world.

The next poster chooses whether to stop me or join me.

Why, are you coming apart?

The next poster has created a place of safety for very old jokes.

Scarab Sages

This one's a few decades old - but cheese gets better with age!

The next poster identifies as a trans-planetary individual.

If Equestria is a planet then yes.

The next poster is also going to links and adding to them.

I went here and added this link -->click me<--.

The next poster understands but they don't comprehend.

I know everything...
Sometimes, its not so great.

The next poster understands that all to well...

Yeah I do. Because when you know everything, people call you a know-it-all. The worst part about that is I knew they would call me that!

The next poster can't find their car keys.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Card Game, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Did you take them? Where'd you hide them?

The next poster is a poster.

Unfortunately, I'm a poster for Gigli.

The next poster is a poser.

I do some posing and some modeling why is that a problem?

The next poster is a potato.

I told you, it's supposed to look like a brain in a tank! What else was I supposed to do with my oversized potato collection?
The next poster knows why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Crunch.

I figured it out the same day I solved how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I'm not telling! :P

The next poster is fond of tongue twisters.

I'm sitting on a slitted sheet eating pickled peppers with peter piper.

The next poster also thanks God for their internet connection.

Yes, but the god I thank is most... unwholesome.

The next poster makes a sacrifice every fortnight for quality cellular service.

the next poster does as well.

Dark Archive

*chants musically*
Baruch Atah, Yog-Sothoth, Eloheinu, Melech Haolam - Ia!!! Ia!!!
*stabs victim through the top of the skull with ritually-enchanted jade-and-obsidian kris*

The next poster has a most distinctive familiar: A sock puppet with googly eyes who constantly mocks its master and iths compatriots!

I'm getting tired of you calling my girlfriend a sock puppet. She is most definitely a stocking puppet. Get it right!

The next poster is going all agro on a famous large city (à la Godzilla!).

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Well, it's Detroit, so my kaiju antics are having a mostly-positive effect . . .

The next poster was once a Kaiju, but no more.

Yes. You should have seen how I destroyed the city.

It involved [REDACTED]

The next poster fought against me to protect Tokyo, and "absorbed my energy" into themselves, reducing me to my normal size.

I don't think I can ever be the same after absorbing GT's "energy". :shivers:
The next poster is the puppet master behind the worldwide conspiracy to hide the fact that there is only one Olsen "twin", she's just moving back and forth at superhuman speed.

And I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for that #%@$$%$#% Scooby-Doo!

The next poster has a cartoon series modeled after them.

Sovereign Court

Well, I did, it's just that the cartoon in question is the sort of thing that would even make GoatToucher vomit in disgust (in essence, it is a Japanese hentai). I would say the cartoon's name, but I don't want to get in trouble.

The next poster has watched my cartoon and is it's biggest fan, but knows that the next poster after them also saw the cartoon and hated it.

I love it! Super All-Around Good Time High School Dragon X is a marvelous emetic! I can consume all the delicious poisonous foods and venomous creatures I like, and a few minutes later it all comes back up!

The Next Poster will tell us all about their Super All-Around Good Time High School Dragon X cosplay.



1 person marked this as a favorite.

And you can't have it!
The next poster is a tiny alien lizardman masquerading as a human. What do you mean, paranoid?

I am actually TWO tiny alien lizardmen masquerading as a human. Our species are known as Noid (same singular and plural), so, yes, we are a Pair o' Noid.

The next poster saw that pun a million miles (and twice that in years) away.

But I like bad puns.
Usually I avoid the Noid.

The next poster has another pun for me.

It dresses in black, and can tell us about the philosophy behind it.
Wat is it?......a Goth Guru!

The next poster is devising a plan to disable the nuclear arsenal of all nuclear powers in the world, and is feeling generous to tell us a little about it.

Yes, of course. I will not be a good World Empress if I don't. As to saying how? Nope.

The next poster really wants me to disable every nuclear arsenal in the world.

Yes! Then, my off-world nuclear arsenal will be unstoppable!

The next poster also reveals too much . . .

I think that I have a moral obligation to be that poster before GoatToucher gets the opportunity to reveal too much.

The next poster is organizing a mob to hunt me down and burn me at the stake, despite the fact that I am a perfectly normal human, and most certainly not a brain in a tank.

I hate perfectly normal humans, and brainiacs know-it-all. Let's be burnin', boys !

The next poster is nice, for a change.

Poog have roasted pigeons on sticks for everyone, want taste?

Next poster be making new Bladerunner movie.

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