Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
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Lahamu CR 6
XP 2400
NE Medium magical beast
Init +8; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent; Perception +4
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Defense
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AC 16, touch 14, flat-footed 12 (+4 Dex, +2 natural)
hp 51 (6d10+18);
Fort +8, Ref +9, Will +4
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Offense
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Speed 50ft.
Melee bite +8 (1d8+2/19-20 plus grab),
Special Attacks jagged bite, soul siphon (DC 16), wail (DC 16)
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Statistics
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Str 15, Dex 18, Con 16, Int 6, Wis 14, Cha 12
Base Atk +6; CMB +8 (+12 grapple); CMD 22 (26 vs. trip)
Feats Improved Initiative, Ability Focus (wail), Improved Natural Attack
Skills Acrobatics +5, Climb +3, Perception +4, Stealth +6
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Ecology
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Environment temperate plains
Organization solitary or pack (3-6)
Treasure none
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Special Abilities
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Jagged Bite (Ex) Tiny hooking barbs along the edges of the lahamu’s long, sharp fangs allows it to use the grab ability on creatures of its own size or smaller and threatens a critical hit on a 19-20.
Soul Siphon (Su) Any creature damaged by a lahamu’s bite must make a Fortitude save or take 1 point of Charisma damage. When a lahamu uses its grab ability to successfully start a grapple, the target must continue to make a Fortitude save each round the grapple is maintained or continue to take Charisma damage. The save DC is Constitution-based.
Wail (Su) As a standard action a lahamu can wail, forcing all living creatures in a 100’ radius to succeed on a Will save or be shaken for 1d4 rounds. Creatures that fail this save also suffer a -1 penalty on all Fortitude saves against the same lahamu’s Soul Siphon ability. The penalty lasts for as long as the target is shaken. This is a sonic mind-affecting fear effect. A creature that successfully saves against the wail cannot be affected by the same lahamu’s wail for 24 hours. Other lahamu are immune to this ability. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Lahamu are malicious, pack hunting predators who feed on the body and soul of their victims. The size of a pony but less compact, lahamu stand 3 to 4 feet at the shoulder and typically weigh about 300 pounds. A taut, mottled hide covers the creature’s sleek and vaguely feline body, yet the lahamu’s head is unmistakably canine. Its short, hairless tail ends in a tuft of mangy fur. A lahamu’s scintillating, color-shifting eyes shine with glee when tearing into a victim, betraying the creature’s malevolent nature and intelligence. The long, barbed, and jagged fangs jutting down from the creature’s upper jaw make the lahamu difficult to dislodge after a bite. The creature’s ability to siphon the charisma of its prey makes the animal’s bite all the more fearful, earning the lahamu the name “soul drinker” in some languages.
A single lahamu uses stealth to approach its prey, but when hunting in pairs or as a pack a lahamu makes use of its wail. This keening cry, the sound of terror incarnate, creeps into the minds of those it affects, becoming the most horrifying sound they could imagine. An adventurer may hear the weeping of a mother at the death of her baby, some listen to the dying scream of a dryad as her tree burns, still others quake at the sound of a wet thud of dirt piling onto a coffin…as heard from inside. Lahamu employ their wail just before charging into combat, coordinating their attack to first target those affected by their chilling cry.
Lahamu inhabit temperate plains. The strongest female leads each pack, and chooses her mates from within. While lahamu can feed off the charisma of any creature, they prefer sentient beings both for their taste and for the screams such creatures make. Although they cannot speak, lahamu understand some common. Intelligent undead like vampires, liches and even the occasional dragon ally with a strong pack, using lahamu as scouts and guards.
I would have liked to see some more precision in the statblock and ability description - there's some missing spaces, vestigial punctuation, messy capitalization, marks for "feet" that we don't use, and the like. Remember, the little details are just as important as the big ones, and if the writer doesn't take care of them on his end then it falls to the editor. And one of the core truths of professional writing is that the easier you make your editor's job, the more likely it is that that editor is going to want to work with you again.
Stat-wise, jagged bite doesn't need to be an ability, the universal monster rules could take care of all those effects. Ability Focus is a weird choice for a base creature - that's really more of a tool for advancement, especially when a designer has a few tricks to jack up DCs without using up a feat - there's nothing wrong there per say, but it's not the best choice. I also shouldn't have to track back up to the statblock for the DC of soul siphon's effects. Also, with an Int of 6, an idea of how these things communicate - even with each other - would have been nice in the stats, not just down in the description.
There's a semicolon on the end of the hp line.
It needs a space in the Speed line between "50" and "ft."
It has a comma at the end of the Melee line.
The Feats line should be alphabetized.
Improved Natural Attack: One, you need to note which attack this feat affects (just like Weapon Focus). Two, you don't need to use this feat when building a brand-new monster--just give it the natural attack damage that you want. The INA feat is mainly for established creatures you're advancing, or for animal companions whose druid or ranger buddies want to deal more damage.
If the creature understands a language, it should go in the Language line, adding "(cannot speak)" as appropriate.
Jagged Bite: I think that rather than creating a new ability that combines the two effects listed here, it would be more efficient and easier for the GM to just note in the SA line that its grab affects Medium or smaller, and give the creature Improved Critical (bite). That way the GM doesn't have to remember what jagged bite does.
Overall, these are minor issues, and the monster is pretty clean.
In my view, this round is more than just making a stat block in a vacuum. I don’t think just seeing if you crunched out the rules properly is the right way to judge a good entry for this round. Instead, I think it’s about taking a concept from someone else and delivering on it mechanically. If a concept has four stated powers, I want to see you execute those four powers somehow unless you have reconcepted the creature. Of course you need to then execute that stat block properly. Sean, Wes and Jason are way more qualified than I am to talk about the nit picks and issues with the stat block. So what I am going to look at is how you took the concept you chose and how executed that concept with your stat block. Because really, that is what freelancing is all about–getting an assignment from someone else and delivering on it.
Initial Impression
I liked the Lahamu. My gut says it would make a nice monster in the CR range for this round. Let’s see how you do…
The Execution
Sean and Wes have given their thoughts and are far more qualified than me to address those issues. That said, here are my thoughts:
Now it’s time for the rubber to meet the road and someone actually has to stat up the Charisma feeding and daze power. I wondered what that would look like in a stat block and now I get to see it. I like the soul siphon. But the problem I see is that the initial concept ties the daze to the Charisma sucking bite. You tie it to the wail. I think I like the original better. I want the bite to suck the Charisma and cause daze. This round was about taking a concept and implementing it. I don’t see any reason to change that. What that says to me is I can’t necessarily trust you as a freelance to take a concept I give you and flesh it out mechanically. And I don’t see this as a change from reconcepting. I think you just messed up putting the daze on the wail and not the bite. Also, what happened to the rancid breath? I think you left out a key power suggested from the initial concept. That just seems sloppy.
That said, you gave us a real serviceable creature. The powers overall are in keeping with the concept. And I really like the paragraph text. You didn’t just cut and paste, you rewrote it into a monster entry like you would find in a bestiary. Nice work.
Final Thoughts
Jesse, I liked the snapleaf and the Chaitakhran. And though I think you were a bit sloppy in your execution and forgot to incorporate some things from the initial concept the way you should have, I nevertheless feel this is a strong overall monster entry.
I RECOMMEND this for Top 8.
Director of Game Design
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A Cha-draining dog you say? Alright, I can work with that.
The concept here is fine, but with a number of other creatures this round, the AC, Hit Points, attack bonus, and damage are all too low for a CR 6 creature. This means we would have to add HD or reduce the CR (which is often not an option in adventure design because it would mess up a number of encounters).
The upside here is that the math looks mostly solid and the abilities play into the theme well. I am pretty sure this would need some work to get it up to speed, but I feel confident that you could make the changes correctly if we sent it back to you.
I give this monster a B-.
Jason Bulmahn
Lead Designer
Paizo Publishing
The first thing I get when I look at this stat-block is deja vu. AC 16, 51 hp, 50ft move speed and a bite as the sole attack? Reminds me of a shadow mastiff (I've seen a lot of shadow mastiff stats lately). And shadow mastiffs are CR 5. With a higher attack bonus and a miss chance. So you're already reminding me of something else, but not as well balanced, and that's bad.
I like the special abilities, for the most part. I didn't know that you can just mention the size of something grabbed in the SA line, so I did learn something from the judges' commentary. What I don't get is that the wail makes foes shaken and adds a penalty to saves versus the Charisma damage. The shaken condition already grants a penalty to saves, a bigger one than the stated effect. Seems strange, is all. And seeing Improved Natural Attack on a base monster block makes me grind my molars. One of my biggest pet peeves.
So this doesn't really jump out at me, I'm afraid. The lahamu struck me as a workmanlike monster, and this is a workmanlike statblock. I will not be voting for this.
I'm fairly new to gaming; I can't weigh in on the numbers. But - Someone earlier on said Jesse's the "cinematic coolness guy." As Clark said, you didn't just cut/paste the Round 2 description... I can really see this creature, and I get a good idea of what I'd be facing if my GM threw some lahamu at our group... I like the addition of the name "soul drinker" and I think that addresses F. Wesley Schneider's comments in the Round 2 threads about the name of a creature being what it calls itself or what others call it; I can picture people calling the lahamu a soul drinker due to the charisma drain. Jesse's writing does pull me in. I've been a fan of his for a while now... I'd love to see him advance - I'd like to see what he could do with an adventure proposal.
Personally, I think this entry is a very good stat block. Yes, there might be other monsters out there with CR6s that have a higher AC or HP or what-have-you but so what? Until you start implementing CR6.5s or or other fractions, there's bound to be some discrepancy between different creatures having the same challenge.
Someone mentioned leaving out a rancid breath ability but in reading over the original description I couldn't find mention of it in the powers and abilities; it's mentioned in its description, not unlike the keening wail. To me, this was the statistics writer picking one over the other; possibly because including it would have put it up over a CR6. Not a big deal to me.
I also feel like this description and its stats lend themselves to a really good in-game set-up and description. The fact is, minor errors aside, I WANT to use this monster in a campaign. I want to pit my players against a pack of these things and watch them cringe in fear. It'd be awesome.
There are some proofreading errors in the stat block but frankly I totally forgive them in favor of what it could do in my campaign.
This one gets my vote, mostly because I wanna see what Jesse comes up with to maybe tie all these together.
Charisma-draining wolf has a glass jaw... I would not purchase a monster book where this was offered as a sample.
But tell us how you really feel... ;)
Ugh. I hate the CR 6 maximum. That said, pack creatures should not be CR 6 if you're going to use them. Four Lahamus are an EL10 encounter. A pack of 8 would be an EL12. The pack concept severely limits what you can use this monster for with that CR.
And a party of let's say 9th level characters is going to smear them. AC 16 means auto-hit for the martial characters. The fighters are going to make the Siphon save on a 6 or better with +3 CON and a +1 Cloak. Anyone with flight capacity (which should be available to divine and arcane casters) will be able to pick them off to their heart's content, as they have no ranged capacity.
And, really, this is a hyena with charisma draining bite. It's both boring and nonsensical. Why, why, why would you choose it? Why does it drain charisma with its bite? Because the DM says so. There's no flavor text to describe why your soul should shrink from this bite as opposed to any other bite as all of their flavorful sound effects are based off their wail. And it doesn't make much sense to me to have your soul be connected to your charisma stat. Why should someone have quantitatively more soul than another person and why should sorcerers have more soul than clerics? 'Cause they will if you take this folk wisdom seriously.
Finally, this is terrible at the table. I hate monsters that cause me to watch other players do interesting stuff, which is what happens if my fighter or rogue fails two of the saves. (Why did Paizo keep the auto-run mechanic in the game? Why? The low FORT save people got a break on auto-death spells, after all.) The best part about this submission is the low running time, which at least means that the PCs will return in 2-8 rounds. The -1 FORT save vs. one particular pack member's Soul Siphon is a major pain in the ass at the table, because it's a pack monster. That means either a different colored bead for each one of these hyenas or a book-keeping headache.
Basically, the casters float and destroy and maybe the players of the rogue and the fighter get to participate, by which I mean power attack and sneak attack them to death. But ultimately, one levitate spell and the party wins. That's bad design.
Sorry, no vote for this monster.
It's both boring and nonsensical. Why, why, why would you choose it?
With all due respect, the lahamu was popular enough to make it to the top 16. Ostensibly, some people did like it and didn't think it was nonsensical or boring... Due respect to the contestants who took on monsters that pose a challenge to stat well at CR6, the challenge was to stat a CR6 monster. Ding the contestant because you don't think the entry was good enough (as with some of your other comments), but I don't think it's fair to ding the contestant for not choosing a monster you liked, or for taking on the round as stated.
With all due respect, the lahamu was popular enough to make it to the top 16. Ostensibly, some people did like it and didn't think it was nonsensical or boring... Due respect to the contestants who took on monsters that pose a challenge to stat well at CR6, the challenge was to stat a CR6 monster. Ding the contestant because you don't think the entry was good enough (as with some of your other comments), but I don't think it's fair to ding the contestant for not choosing a monster you liked, or for taking on the round as stated.
A Superstar either recognizes the problems inherent in a creature and avoids it entirely or takes it on as a challenge and FIXES glaring problems, rather than emphasizing them with the mechanics. (You either avoid the Haga or damn the torpedoes and take on the challenge of the Haga, for example.)
Pony-sized hyenas whose bites drain personality... why? I'm not sure. If it's not poison, it needs an explanation to avoid feeling tacked on.
Eh. Fly and fireball usually do the trick against creatures without a ranged capacity.
If you're not going to fix problems raised during the last round by voters on your submission and on the submission you choose, you can hardly act surprised when those same voters ding you for not fixing noted problems. When it's in the context of a lot of other problems and a highly talented pool of competitors, it should be expected that voters are going to be vocally disappointed.
Finally, one reason contestants are here is precisely to hear competing and brutally honest interpretations of their work, because both good and bad feedback make their work better.
...good points...
Fair comments, all. I guess certain creatures were to the liking of some, while not to others. Every contestant took that chance when they picked their creature... And I think the honest critique is fair and necessary; I just think the critique should be about the entry itself (which your other comments were - that's why I was singling out that particular sentence of your post). To clarify, I wasn't questioning your critique, just more pointing out that all of the creatures in the top 16 were popular enough to get them there... somebody liked them... so voters shouldn't be surprised that a monster from the top 16 was chosen to stat... what appeals to some doesn't appeal to others. I really liked the lahamu from the last round... It would have been my fifth choice if I got more votes. :)
And, about fly/fireball - wouldn't that critique hold true to any creature that doesn't have the ability to fly and doesn't have ranged capabilities... for example the ossuary golem or the churjiir? Or, for existing bestiary creatures like the bulette (one of my faves, personally)?
And, about fly/fireball - wouldn't that critique hold true to any creature that doesn't have the ability to fly and doesn't have ranged capabilities... for example the ossuary golem or the churjiir? Or, for existing bestiary creatures like the bulette (one of my faves, personally)?
Yes, to the ossuary golem, which I didn't really like for other reasons. But not for the bulette or the churjirr. The former can dig its way out of trouble. The latter is found in sewers where flight leaves you still stuck in melee range. Natural environment and alternate modes of movement are two classic ways to deal with the problem of flight; the other is to make a monster likely to be encountered before flight becomes a typical combat option.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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Jagged Bite: I think that rather than creating a new ability that combines the two effects listed here, it would be more efficient and easier for the GM to just note in the SA line that its grab affects Medium or smaller, and give the creature Improved Critical (bite). That way the GM doesn't have to remember what jagged bite does.
He can't give the creature Improved Crit because the creature doesn't meet the +8 BAB prerequisite.
As for the monster on the whole... it's okay. I wasn't crazy about it last round, and it isn't really exciting me any more this time. I think your stat block is generally well done, and I do really like your flavor text, esp. the description of the keening wail.
Overall, though, I'm just not feelin the love. Best of luck.
... it would be more efficient and easier for the GM to just note in the SA line that its grab affects Medium or smaller, and give the creature Improved Critical (bite)...He can't give the creature Improved Crit because the creature doesn't meet the +8 BAB prerequisite.
Hey, reading the Unwritten Rules thread, it seems as if the attitude is "pishtosh, just do what you need!" So what if he doesn't have the BAB? So what if you want to increase the weapon damage-- just do it up.
*sigh*
I totally understand you need to know the rules before you break them, and I get the fact that proper monster design is about knowing when to break the rules and how to break them without going overboard...but there's a lot of technical commentary like the point you've noted which really feels like it's working off the Paizo internal standards of monster design rather than the pure RAW. When part of your gig is generating monsters that you then have the opportunity to playtest several iterations at an experienced table accustomed to providing solid feedback? Yes, you can take the kind of design risks that playtesting vindicates or refutes and not worry about it.
But when you're designing for something like this? Where technical accuracy is likely to be judged as strongly as implementation? Yeaaah.
No.
You do it by the book and by the numbers as best you can, and that's why you see so many monsters with Improved Natural Attack, or in this case, without Improved Critical and instead they've got some ability. That's the slightly frustrating aspect of many bits of judicial review this round-- they apply the internal lessons of Paizo R&D to the contestants' submissions, lessons that the contestants could never be expected to know.
And that's just downright frustrating.
-Ben.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
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I'm left in an unfortunate position where I'm not sure what your target was, so I'm not sure if you hit it or not. That makes it difficult for me to decide whether or not you've earned my vote.
All fair points, Eric.
Whatever you decide, thanks for the critique. It's appreciated.Regards,
QGJ
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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While I'm catching up on R3, I'm still going to be brief. I liked the R2 write up for this monster, and I'm glad to see someone picked it. That being said, I felt that this was a pretty direct translation of the R2 description, and didn't bring that much new to the table. Since one of the issues with the Lahamu that many had was that it was a somewhat boring hyena with Cha damage bite, I felt that this choice really demanding expanding on what you were given in R2 - either in the form of an innovative mechanic, or the text, and that you failed to deliver on either.
The biggest issue with the monster is that the CR is too high (or the abilities are too weak) - I think CR4 would be fine for the monster as written, especially with the soul siphon doing only 1 Cha damage per bite and 1 bite per round. With a name like soul siphon I was expecting the Lahamu to actually derrive a benefit from sucking down Charisma, such as a temporary boost to the DC of the ability, making it increasingly harder to resist. I did like that you gave the creature an ability that explained the higher crit range and ability to grab on creatures it's own size. Also, I thought climb was an odd skill choice for a quadraped that doesn't have claw attacks - it's basically a dog, and dog's aren't really good climbers. Cats are, but they have claws which allow them to climb.
Jason Schimmel made me like the chaitrakhan more than I did last round.
You have done the same for the lahamu. It didn't excite me from the original description, though it didn't outright turn me off either. All gussied up, here... yeah, I would run these as a GM, and I would have fun against them as a player. In all, a good showing.
Not a spectacular showing, though. Nothing about it blows me away. Reading back into previous rounds, the snapleaf was "heh, neat" and the chaitrakhan lost me at hive mind (to be fair, that's an entirely personal peeve). This looks competent, this looks publishable. This does not look Superstar, but it also doesn't make me presumptively write you off as an also-ran. Pick it up in the next stretch. :)
Lahamu CR 6
Critter Comments
As I did not have time during this last round to comment, I am going through now to offer a few comments.
1. There is a semi-colon after hp – was something supposed to go there?
2. Hooked barbs alongside fangs? Really? The mechanical part of the idea is sound – the execution just seems odd to me. How about just unbelievably strong jaws?
3. Good execution. I like the fact that it continues during the grapple. I note however that this beastie is really only a threat to sorcerers. I have rarely seen monsters drain more than a couple points of a statistic like this.
4. The wail is good. I like the fact that it has a big radius, and that it further reduces the save against it’s bite. Big critter growls, then attacks.
5. Why does it have Stealth though? It seems to rely upon its wail, and its going to hunt in packs right?
Overall, a fair execution of the concept. If it had an ability or could do more with working in a pack, that would make it more interesting to me.
I like this one!
Only stat issue is the DC for the Wail (since it says it's charisma based) - probably missing a "includes a +2 racial bonus" line.
I like the Jagged bite a lot, particularly to explain the 19-20 crit range (another entry failed to explain a x3 crit multiplier out of nowhere).
I do think it's more CR 5, given the hp and damage output. Making it large probably would have fixed this entirely.
Good luck Jessie!