Joshua:
First of all, congratulations on making it to the Top 16. I thought I would wait until after the voting for Round Two ended before offering any commentary or advice. And I'm going to come at it a little differently, in that I'm not going to focus primarily on your design this round. Rather, I'm going to have a go at examining your entire portfolio to this point to sort of assess what you've done well, where you could shore up a few things in your overall design and writing, and then give you some more pointed advice on stuff you could showcase in future rounds to maybe improve your chances of going all the way to the end. So, with that in mind, here goes:
I have to admit that I really enjoyed your Round One wondrous item. The locket of the umbral kiss has some really great mojo going for it. You slipped up a bit with the power-level of the item in relation to the rather weak shadow it released upon its wearer's death. But the idea was so strong it clearly stood out. Now, with the Astrumal, I think you've created another strong idea as the basis for your interstellar aberration. Going for something that has crossed between worlds is cool and the magnetism power has the potential to be, as well. I've got to agree with Sean, though, that magnetism can be a difficult concept to define in terms of game mechanics...and it's probably a good thing that you don't have to be the one to make that power work in an actual stat-block writeup for Round Three. Despite that reprieve, however, I do think you need to focus on demonstrating solid rules-fu with whatever creature you do stat up. The perceived weakness in your wondrous item's mechanics and the choice of magnetism as a viable power for your Astrumal calls into question your experience with the rules of the game. It may very well be that you've got perfectly good rules-fu, though. For the purposes of the contest, however, I think you need to showcase it so no one continues to hold that perception.
Also, looking forward into the future rounds of the contest, I think you need to start looking for a "homerun" swing at something. You're kind of caught in the middle of the pack and you should look for a way to start standing out. Each round you get a new opportunity. And, looking back at your portfolio so far, you've some really good stuff and some okay stuff...but nothing that's necessarily going to stand out in the minds of the voters as the definitive item or monster of this year's competition. If you can find such a moment, even in Round Three, to pull off something like that, you could easily vault to the top of the contender's list. So, my advice would be to focus on finding something like that to improve your standing.
Best of luck,
--Neil
Congratulations! Though you did not get my final vote, I am glad you made it to the next round.
Visual: 10 Charisma
Creativity: 18 Intelligence
Would I use it: 10 Dex
Overall: 12 Strength
This critter was a little too much Yuzhon Vong for me to get behind the mojo, but I think you pulled it off well. Gravity would be an interesting mechanic to wield as a weapon (force powers?) hmmm... force magic missile not force jedi. But as a critter that eats metal, my part would just to avoid. At best this gets the tanks to quiver a little against a random encounter. I like the potential of the gravity ability though.
Congratulations and good luck in the next round!