Add me to the list of people that don't get the "tounge fishing" or the fact that it's blind and using ranged attacks. The name also doesn't seem to fit either of the naming conventions, unless these things are intelligent and call themselves Splorudra. Are they intelligent?
Other than that, it's a cool concept.
If you end up doing a stat block, I would...
1) Get rid of the blindness. It would make the ranged attacks more plausible.
2)Drop the tounge lure. It as mentioned, if it's blind, it can't know that it's holding something interesting to it's prey. Also, not every creature is enticed by the same thing. So it's bait will only be tempting to a small percentage of the creatures it encounters.
3) The name needs a tweak. My advise is to follow the naming conventions, but even if you don't, perhaps consider dropping the second "r"? Sploruda sounds like less of a tounge twister.
This creature is close to a vote for me. Still deciding.
Director of Brand Strategy
|
Wow. really cool concept, and not even a simple but new idea. This is thing is really complex. The fact that all that intricacy makes sense and works well together is the sign of good design. It might be too much to actually use in a game, though. I know that I try to keep the really complex monsters off the table as much as possible just to make things easier for myself, but if this used fast, easy mechanics for its totally-out-there powers, it would be a new classic dungeon monster. I can't wait to see what else you have to throw at us in future rounds. Best of luck.
"Splorudra"
"Its two forearms are edged with sharp, serrated fins and each rear knee features a cankerous red knob or "splor.""
"A splorudra sets its long, slackened tongue well away from itself, baiting prey with bones, meat, treasure or available curiosities stuck to it."
"When its tongue detects the vibration of nearby prey, it drops any bait, whips its tongue back and wraps it around a splor, ripping it free for immediate hurling. The fluids in the splor become acidic midair, burning through most armor and making painful contact. The splor then drains fluids, doing the victim harm."
"The splorudra then literally jumps into the fight, slicing prey with its forearms between jumps."
"As it fights and takes damage,"
"A splor ... which eventually grow back.
"A splorudra is a brilliant combatant, continuing to jump, slice, throw and retrieve splors with its tongue, all as needed."
"Intelligent sequencing of movement and attacks provides it with masterful guerrilla tactics, which include unusual ranged attacks and an impromptu healing resource."
"They're clumsy swimmers though, preferring land attacks because they lose the use of their splors."
"Toxins ingested by victims and eaten through splors are also extremely harmful to it."
Does it grab me visually: Love it. Combat with this monster would stick in players minds.
Would I use it in game: Yes. It’s abilities and tactics make for a very interesting battle. Using its splors to heal itself gives it more to do in combat that just hit people. This would be very fun to run.
Would my players enjoy an encounter with it: My players would love it, make jokes about it, and talk about it for years to come.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka flash_cxxi
|
Another weird Monster for me, but this time it's a good weird!
Werd name...
Weird appearance...
Weird abilities...
I'm not sure I like the giant frog part, but it does fit the model so I'll roll with it.
I'm putting it into my Keep pile for the moment.
Good Luck. :)
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
As we await the final outcome of this round, I just want to take this opportunity to thank each one of you for taking the time to comment and for your opinions, questions and honest feedback. It's been very welcome and much appreciated. I would also like to send a special thanks to those who voted for my creation as well. Thanks! :)
I'm just curious if there's a civilization / regional niche for your monster.
Splor this!
::splat!::
Congratulations on making the Top 16!
Richard:
First of all, congratulations on making it to the Top 16. I thought I would wait until after the voting for Round Two ended before offering any commentary or advice. And I'm going to come at it a little differently, in that I'm not going to focus primarily on your design this round. Rather, I'm going to have a go at examining your entire portfolio to this point to sort of assess what you've done well, where you could shore up a few things in your overall design and writing, and then give you some more pointed advice on stuff you could showcase in future rounds to maybe improve your chances of going all the way to the end. So, with that in mind, here goes:
I liked your Round One submission with the needles of the ebon strand. Very evocative name and really innovative in how it drew substance from the Shadow Plane to create a really memorable threat for PCs to experience. The same thing holds true with the Splorudra and I think that's really your strongest asset in terms of design. You're capable of envisioning a really cool scene involving your item or monster and then framing that scene in you describe each design. As you go forward into future rounds of the competition, I think that will serve you exceptionally well...both in terms of designing encounters, lairs, and even an adventure proposal.
But first, you've got to get past Round Three. That means you're going to be tested now on your knowledge of the rules as well as your ability to present game information about a monster that's both accurate and descriptive. So far, both your needles of the ebon strand and the Splorudra have been cited for still being a little clunky in how they read. So, I'd encourage you to really refine your presentation and prose. If you could do both things well enough to get past Round Three, I think your skillset could really shine in future assignments.
Best of luck,
--Neil
|
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
Richard:
First of all, congratulations on making it to the Top 16. I thought I would wait until after the voting for Round Two ended before offering any commentary or advice. And I'm going to come at it a little differently, in that I'm not going to focus primarily on your design this round. Rather, I'm going to have a go at examining your entire portfolio to this point to sort of assess what you've done well, where you could shore up a few things in your overall design and writing, and then give you some more pointed advice on stuff you could showcase in future rounds to maybe improve your chances of going all the way to the end. So, with that in mind, here goes:** spoiler omitted **
Best of luck,
--Neil
Thanks for your kind comments and words of advice!
Hopefully what I am offering will help your writing/design in future rounds!
Visual: 18 Charisma
Creativity: 15 Intelligence
Would I use it: 15 Dex
Overall: 16 Strength
A sleek red frog with multiple legs is great. I can both visualize what makes this fantasy, yet recognize what makes it concrete. That grounding is important to keeping it real. You kept it up with the quick attacks and I can picture little frogs going all ninja on slow and bulky humans. The ripping and throwing of a splorud (sp?) lost me a little. It would have been better to add a barb to the tonghue that delivers a bit of stomach acid. Still if you continue to ground the fantasy in the reality I think you will do well. I think you have the mechanics worked out for this which I hope means the mechanics are ready there as well.
You got my vote, keep up the good work and congratulations!
|
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
Hopefully what I am offering will help your writing/design in future rounds!
Visual: 18 Charisma
Creativity: 15 Intelligence
Would I use it: 15 Dex
Overall: 16 Strength
A sleek red frog with multiple legs is great. I can both visualize what makes this fantasy, yet recognize what makes it concrete. That grounding is important to keeping it real. You kept it up with the quick attacks and I can picture little frogs going all ninja on slow and bulky humans. The ripping and throwing of a splorud (sp?) lost me a little. It would have been better to add a barb to the tonghue that delivers a bit of stomach acid. Still if you continue to ground the fantasy in the reality I think you will do well. I think you have the mechanics worked out for this which I hope means the mechanics are ready there as well.You got my vote, keep up the good work and congratulations!
Hey! Thanks for the final kind words and, sincerely, for your vote last round. I'm really looking forward to round 3 and hope I deliver another "18 Charisma" monster. :)
|
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
Thank you for your support and please vote for my monster! If you have questions, I'll be happy to answer them once voting for this round is closed. :)*Thread Bump*
Attaboy, proper thread. ;-)
I do have a --> DRAFT <-- of full stats for this bad boy done up but, based on the mixed feelings in this thread for the Splorudra, I made the decision a while back to let sleeping dogs lie... I'm not real sure whether posting them now would generate *any* positive energy or not, helping me advance to the next round, which would be the goal of anything more I post on the subject. I'm open to some convincing of course. The stats and write up do explain quite a bit, though I'm sure not to the satisfaction of all. :)
P.S. Teaser: I will say that 'rudra' is Sanskrit for 'red.'
|
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
All I'm looking for at this point is some feedback/explanation on what the point of the splorudra sticking its tongue out like that was, and how it even sometimes picked treasure to pile on it given that it's indicated to be blind?
From the draft...
Versatile Tongue (Ex) A splorudra can unfurl its tongue in a path up to 30 feet long. While its tongue is deployed in this manner it has tremorsense 60 feet which is particularly effective around corners, over ledges or other nearby areas less directly accessible to its normal senses and in line of effect, rather than line of sight. The creature can also attach attractive bait to its adhesive tongue and in this manner, simultaneously lure and detect unsuspecting prey. When used in concert with its acid splors, its tongue can be used to retrieve them for immediate eating as a standard action. This requires only a ranged touch attack, as the tongue is alchemically bonded to ease their removal.
By the way, nowhere did I say *anything* *ever* about it attaching rocks to it's tongue. Now go vote for the Green Barrow because you KNOW you want to see my adventure proposal. ;-)
Splorudra
N Small magical beast CR 6
Senses
======================
Initiative: +5
Blind, blindsight 30 feet, scent, tremorsense 120 feet, Perception +13
======================
Defense
======================
AC: 20 (+1 size, +5 Dexterity, Dodge +1, +3 natural), touch 17, flatfooted 14
HP: 68 (8d10+24)
Fortitude: +9, Reflex: +11, Will: +4
======================
Offense
======================
Speed: 40 feet, climb 20
Melee: 2 arm fins +14 (1d6+2 (18-20/x3))
Melee touch: 1 swift tongue +14 (pull 30 feet, CMB+9)
Ranged touch: 1 splor +15 (2d6+3 acid and attach)
Space: 5 feet, Reach: 5 feet (30 feet with swift tongue)
======================
Statistics
======================
Str 14, Dex 21, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 14, Cha 9
BAB: +8, CMB: +9, CMD: +24
Feats: Dodge (B), Mobility (B), Point Blank Shot, Shot on the Run, Spring Attack, Weapon Finesse.
Skills: Acrobatics +16 (+20 jumping), Climb +10, Perception +13, Stealth +20
Racial: +8 to Climb skill checks.
======================
Special Abilities:
======================
Enhanced Critical (Ex). The arm fins of the splorudra have a threat range of 18-20 and a critical multiplier of x3.
Quickness (Su). The splorudra is supernaturally quick. It gets an additional move action each round; combined with its Spring Attack and Shot on the Run feats, it can move, make a full attack, and move again as long as it doesn’t move more than its speed during that round.
Splor (Ex). 4 times per hour, as a free action, the splorudra can rip off the splor from one of its back knees and, as a swift action, fling it at an opponent as a ranged touch attack. The initial damage is 2d6+3 points of acid damage, and it causes a like amount of damage each round for a number of rounds equal to the splorudra’s Constitution modifier (typically 3 rounds). The damage caused by the splor creates a reservoir of healing potential equal to the damage caused. When the splorudra eats a splor, it heals an amount of damage equal to the reservoir in the splor; any excess hit points are treated as temporary hit points that disappear after an hour. Eating a splor is a free action. Any non-splorudra that eats a splor takes 6d6+9 points of acid damage. The range increment of the splor is 30 feet, and it can be thrown 5 range increments; the stat block above already accounts for the Point Blank Shot feat. It requires a DC 17 Heal check to remove a splor; the DC is Constitution based. A splorudra can automatically detach a splor from a creature.
Swift Tongue (Ex). The splorudra can use its tongue as a swift action to make a ranged melee attack or throw a splor.
|
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
Oh what the heck, I'll play along. :)
SPLORUDRA | CR 11
XP 12,800
N Medium aberration
Init +4; Senses blindsense 60 ft., scent; Perception +6
=====
DEFENSE
=====
AC 18, touch 15, flat-footed 13 (+4 Dex, +3 natural, +1 dodge)
hp 90 (12d8+36)
Fort +11, Ref +14, Will +5; -2 vs. contact poisons, -4 vs. ingested poisons
Weaknesses vulnerability to poison
=====
OFFENSE
=====
Speed 60 ft., swim 20 ft.
Melee 2 serrated fins +11/+6 (2d6+2/2d6+2)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft. (30 ft. with tongue)
Special Attacks acid splor +11 (5d6 acid plus fluid drain)
=====
STATISTICS
=====
Str 15, Dex 19, Con 17, Int 5, Wis 5, Cha 8
Base Atk +9/+4; CMB +16; CMD 26
Feats Acrobatic, Agile Maneuvers, Combat Reflexes, Dodge, Lightning Reflexes, Mobility, Shot on the Run, Spring AttackB, Step UpB
Skills Acrobatics +20 (+24 jumping), Climb +7, Escape Artist +9, Intimidate +6, Perception +6, Stealth +13, Survival +1, Swim +4; Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics (+8 jumping), +4 Stealth
SQ versatile tongue
=====
ECOLOGY
=====
Environment any underground
Organization solitary, mated pair or death cell (3-4)
Treasure incidental
=====
SPECIAL ABILITIES
=====
Acid Splors (Su) As a standard action, a splorudra can rip an acid splor free from a knee on one of its hind legs with its tongue and hurl it as a ranged touch attack. The splor does acid damage to the victim and her armor, dealing an equal amount of damage to both. This attack has a range of 60 feet with no range increment. If the victim's armor isn't destroyed, the splor becomes inert; it's otherwise embedded in the victim's flesh. During successive rounds, the splor automatically drains fluid from the victim at a rate of 2d8+3 hp per round, minus the victim's Con bonus, for up to 3 rounds, at which point it's considered engorged. Whether fully engorged or not, the creature can choose to retrieve any splor in range of its tongue and eat it, also as a standard action. This instantly heals the creature, as though it drank a healing potion, equal in strength to the hit points drained by the splor. This only works for a splorudra and is otherwise ineffective as a healing agent for any other creature, at any time. Splorudras can eat each others splors to full effect. A splor can only be removed by a DC 26 Heal check, a grapple against CMD 26 or cumulative weapon damage of 20 hp or more, which also damages the victim, but bursts the splor. Any magical healing applied to the victim during the draining process also delays it for 1 round; the round isn't lost, just delayed. The creature has four splors it can launch at victims during a single combat, while on land only. They grow back in 8 hours.
Versatile Tongue (Ex) A splorudra can unfurl its tongue in a path up to 30 feet long. While its tongue is deployed in this manner it has tremorsense 60 feet which is particularly effective around corners, over ledges or other nearby areas less directly accessible to its normal senses and in line of effect, rather than line of sight. The creature can also attach attractive bait to its adhesive tongue and in this manner, simultaneously lure and detect unsuspecting prey. When used in concert with its acid splors, its tongue can be used to retrieve them for immediate eating as a standard action. This requires only a ranged touch attack, as the tongue is alchemically bonded to ease their removal.
Vulnerability to Poison (Ex) A poison ingested by the victim of an acid splor "sours" its healing effect by poisoning the creature too, though this does not remove the effects of the poison from the victim. A splorudra takes half again as much ability and hit point damage (+50%) from any poison ingested via an acid splor.
A splorudra resembles a sleek, scarlet tree frog. Any resemblance to the arboreal frogs of the surface world ends there, however, as the splorudra is a masterful carnivorous predator, lurking in some of the deepest, darkest places in the world. Usually solitary and always silent, its bizarre anatomy features several weird physical and alchemical anomalies.
Noticeable first among these are its sharp, cruelly serrated fins, which it uses in combat as it jumps, hacking and slicing at prey. The violence of its blades are matched only by its incredible jumping speed, enhanced as it is by four powerful hind legs, one nested inside the other toward its lithe and limber body. It uses its bladed fins and powerful legs to make rapid hit-and-run attacks, bounding into the air and off surfaces with one leg pair, then another in quick succession as it slashes prey. However, this is not the worst of its attacks.
The creature also has a fine whip-like sinew for a tongue, a thin, dexterous muscle it uses in combination with its most virulent attack. The knees of a splorudra's four hind legs are each capped by a dark red cankerous knob or "splor." Using its tongue, a splorudra hurls it at a victim. The chemicals in the detachable organ become a highly corrosive acid in midair, burning through most armor and making painful contact. Thereafter its sickening pumping action works like a humanoid heart, siphoning blood and other secretions from its victims. Through some alchemical process of mysterious origin, it converts this gore into an edible healing boil, specific only to splorudras.
Children of the underworld are warned by their parents not to stray too far down the dark corridors of forgotten places by the threat of scarlet, white-eyed toads devouring their severed remains. Underworld folk believe the splorudra was created by a sinister race or religion long since vanished from memory and the unlit depths. Others speculate that this dreadful, warped frog is the work of alchemical madmen; that they were created as guardians, secret assassins or much worse. Whispered fears of murky underground pools afloat with horrid, dormant tadpoles also abound as do tales of their reawakening in small "death cells," somehow directed at powerful individuals and underworld rulers. Only one thing's for sure, the crimson hue of its velvet skin blends well with the quick and bloody scene it leaves behind in its frenzied killing wake.
Looks good, but you might want to make Shot on the Run the bonus feat instead of Spring Attack, since it doesn't have Point Blank Shot.
Requiring it to destroy the target's armor is both rather harsh and somewhat unrealistic (armor at that level will probably have over a hundred hitpoints, assuming that the splors deal full damage and ignore hardness, which isn't specified). On the other hand, armor doesn't have to be completely destroyed in order to have a gaping hole in it (see the 'broken' condition)
I like the fluid-sucking splors (eww), the tremorsense tongue, and many of the other details you've added or expanded upon since the original writeup. Overall this looks well considered, quite usable, and yet still crazy-fun. :)
|
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
|
Requiring it to destroy the target's armor is both rather harsh and somewhat unrealistic (armor at that level will probably have over a hundred hit points, assuming that the splors deal full damage and ignore hardness, which isn't specified). On the other hand, armor doesn't have to be completely destroyed in order to have a gaping hole in it (see the 'broken' condition)
I like the fluid-sucking splors (eww), the tremorsense tongue, and many of the other details you've added or expanded upon since the original writeup. Overall this looks well considered, quite usable, and yet still crazy-fun. :)
"If the victim's armor isn't destroyed," implies that the armor does have a chance of making it through the encounter with a hole in it. Actually character gear isn't destroyed enough in my opinion. Adventuring is a risky business. Characters should be dirty, smelly, banged up and need to buy new gear when they get back to town. :)
Thanks once again for the kudos!