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*despite what the rules say, i can always hit my own touch armour class to scratch
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*I can't have the half-orc challenge himself to rock-paper-scissors and take bets that he will win and lose.
*I can't cast haste on my horse before the race starts.
*Yoshi is not a baby raptor.
*Mushrooms do not make me grow bigger.
*Green mushrooms do not grant me a contingent raise dead.
*Flowers do not give me produce flame as a spell-like ability.
*The warlock cannot use his "The Dead Walk" invocation to have a traveling undead rabbit puppet show.
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*I will stop making quicklings drink Mountain Dew
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*Green mushrooms do not grant me a contingent raise dead.
ah but don't forget
*Green mushrooms, despite all the stereotypes, do not infact give you a life!
*Nor do red mushrooms make you grow up
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*My monk's lips must be in sync.
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*Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'
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*Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.
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*When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
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*My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
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*If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
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*Not allowed to use more than 3 words per game that the GM has to look up the definition.
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*My bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
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*I must remember at dinner time Rock is not a dwarven delicacy.
*I must remember at dinner time Log is not an elven delicacy.
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*I can no longer cast Summon Nature's Ally to summon a 'trap monkey'.
*Web is not a 'bedroom spell.'
HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA
+101
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*Yes I can use a 20ft sword, no my name can't be Sephiroth.
*Miracle can not be used to summon Raptor Jesus.
*No phoenix has the name "Wrong"
*"Boot to the Head" is not a real spell
*Pushing the stone golem down the hill does not give my bard's Perform(Rock & Roll) a bonus.
*The red dragon is not a white dragon with a sunburn.
*I can't use a silver dragon hatchling as a sword to fight the lycanthrope.
*When fighting 'lycans', I can't go attack the moss.
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*The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
Duh, of course it's now, it's the Battle Axe or the Ball & Chain... ;)
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*Using Excaliber without removing it from the stone does not count.
*Using a sledgehammer to free Excalibur is frowned upon.
*Dynamite even more so.
*I can no longer infiltrate the king's castle just to 'inspect' his harem.
*A battle axe is not a lockpick.
*Neither is the halfling.
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The big bad cannot be nicknamed after a politician, especially in a Pazio sanctioned game.
A spell turning a monster's skin orange will automatically fail.
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*sigh* Me.
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*Mordenkainen's Dysfunctional Family is not a real spell.
LOL!
:DAll things considered, it should be!
;)
*I do not get a bulk discount on ninjas.
Well... Considering that ninja effectiveness is inversely proportional to the number of ninja present, this is actually a solid ruling!
;pCarry on!
--C.
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*putting an asterisk in front of a statement without the footnote explaining what it represents is now considered trolling.
Mailing an angry bobcat to an enemy in game now requires at least a limited wish.
The suggestion "Everybody Wang Chung tonight." simply wastes the spell because the creatures have no idea what that means.
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Our 5e GM has banned us from having access to the Summon Lesser Demons spell.
Another person in our 5e group ran a one shot and said we could have whatever we wanted from the equipment section, which will probably never be permitted again after my character turned up riding a war chariot with 6 goats in tow.
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*putting an asterisk in front of a statement without the footnote explaining what it represents is now considered trolling.
They're being used as point bullets.
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*Asterisks?
*Why whould you use them?
*After all there are better things to use.
*Like numbers.
*Or letters.
*But to each their own.
*Enjoy them.
*Asterisks!
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*Asterisks are wonderful!
*Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
*Use those Asterisks!
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I fear Asterixes, even bearing gifs...
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*Asterisks are a gif from the heavens?
*What?
*Did I get it wrong?
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*Kudos if you are playing a kinder frenzied berserker!
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Gnoll way!
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I liked frenzied berserker in 3.5 it was not as worth in in pathfinder FBerz was pretty op in 3.5.
I did have a DM in a game my brother played in ban it after he almost killed a party member and they gave him a hard time for playing it but he explained it to them before hand and they ok-ed it so like whatever.
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Soul objects don't rupture in a bag of holding, so a demilich could quite comfortably lair in a bag of holding.
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Not so much of what I would ban a player from doing, but due to a player insisting upon a ridiculously lengthy discussion about the hinges on the door to the Ultimate Cathedral of Evil, all doors in my campaigns are sliding doors.
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Everyone knows doors are macro-scale quantum objects that can only exist in either an open or a closed state, and in the open state do not interact with any other form of matter. Stience!
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Not so much of what I would ban a player from doing, but due to a player insisting upon a ridiculously lengthy discussion about the hinges on the door to the Ultimate Cathedral of Evil, all doors in my campaigns are sliding doors.
What is it with players and doors? Good grief! I bet I've logged a thousand game hours of explaining to players which way the door opened and why.
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Not so much of what I would ban a player from doing, but due to a player insisting upon a ridiculously lengthy discussion about the hinges on the door to the Ultimate Cathedral of Evil, all doors in my campaigns are sliding doors.What is it with players and doors? Good grief! I bet I've logged a thousand game hours of explaining to players which way the door opened and why.
I hear you. I think it's the mentality of players who are either 1) just trying to break the game/ruin the GM's plans by thinking of something the GM didn't, or 2) think too hard about/try too hard to apply reality to a systematized game system. E.g., the door's hardness is the door's hardness, it doesn't matter if you are breaking it down toward the way it opens or not--but they will argue to the ends of the earth that it will or should. My player was mostly coming from #2, and his stance exacerbated by the fact that he worked construction IRL and wanted his IRL knowledge to be useful in game--never mind that I repeatedly told him he was metagaming and his half-drow ranger would not have the same understanding of construction he does (and indeed did not have the right skills trained to succeed on the roll required to analyze the door's engineering).
The problem with both groups of players is that they overlook the fact that a good GM at least is not going to present them an obstacle they cannot overcome. In this case, I had designed at least four different ways to get into the cathedral. Through the front doors was, for reasons at least obvious to me (it was the most visible entrance to the headquarters of the Chief Evil Bad Guy), going to be the hardest because of course the doors would be well reinforced (and this was a high level game with high level adversaries that had forbiddance and all kinds of other magical reinforcements, wards, and contingencies preventing easy passage through it). Rather than think, "well, the GM must have come up with a way for us to get in," the player decided he wanted to "beat me" by finding a loophole in how I had designed the front door, and the others also just decided to stare the nearly-impossible door in the face without considering other angles (another player was desperate to use his favorite spell disintegrate on the door which of course a spell turning ward deflected back onto him because that's something the Cathedral Specifically of Evil Sorcerers would have thought of). The others also apparently interpreted the scenario as "the GM expects us to beat the impossible door" rather than think "maybe the impossible door is not the best way in." None of them ever even bothered casing/exploring the building to look for other ways in--and again, this is a high level party where all they had to do was say, fly or wind walk to find, say, the less well guarded upper story entrance or the grate that led to the basement. I think I even outright said, "maybe there's another way in," and they ignored me. (And this was a very glass cannon party where surveillance and stealth in theory ought to have been one of the first things they tried--and had even tried in other scenarios) The way they actually got in was by annoying the giant stained glass golems in the cathedral windows and then climbing through the open window once the golems vacated it (but hurting them a lot in the process). Which was at least a way through I had purposely implemented.
Doors specifically come up a lot because locked doors are common obstacles in adventures, I think.
I know there are adversarial GMs in the world who just create impossible scenarios to frustrate PCs but I am such a handholdy wimpy hate-to-kill-my-PCs GM, it's frustrating to sit there and having designed encounters where there's three to five ways of resolving a problem, and rather than explore the universe and ask questions about it, the players try to just try to find loopholes because that's what they think is the way to "win D&D." Fortunately the groups I currently play with do not do this so much.
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In simplest terms (which is probably admittedly echoing some of what DQ said) when my players ask which way a door opens it's usually one of the following:
1. They want to know if they can access the hinges for some reason
or
2. They want to know which way the door swings outward and have some tactical use in mind for it in at least one of the possible positions.
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Is this just a mild complaint thread, now?
'Cause I'm about to use it.
So in a game I'm running right now:
- megaboss 2) Literally no one chose to roll knowledge checks, and the megaboss had a "nova" effect upon defeat, nearly killed everyone.
- megaboss 3) This boss has a short-range aura that causes constant bleed every round, which they know (because they've tested it in battle; heaven forfend they role any knowledge checks). So of course the players crowd around, packing in as tightly as possible, and being hit with it as hard as possible as a result for as long as they can, especially toward the end, disregarding their ranged attack abilities.
- megaboss 4) They are facing a known trickster and illusionist, and a player has true seeing; said player states plans to use true seeing, but then clarifies, "not yet" and "when we get closer." (He apparently doesn't want it to be dispelled. Reasonable.) Okay, so they get to the actual battle with the boss, and I ask, "So, about that true seeing?" But they don't use it, because "it's my last spell slot." So they keep getting hit with these absurdly unlikely spells that just so happen to target their weaknesses... from an illusionist... which they keep having to roll really unlikely will saves to resist. I note, "Didn't you have a plan for this battle and your spell?" But they note, "Yeah, but what good is true seeing in this battle?" and "I'll save it just in case I need the spell slot for a counterspell." So during this battle, after a dozen illusory bad guys that look like an innocent patsy, they find and kill a guy who was basically just a dominated innocent patsy (congratulating themselves on getting the bad guy). Said patsy - and the illusionist - had been invisible this whole time. Anyway, only after they'd beaten the innocent, and found and nearly-beaten the actual bad guy, only then did he put on the true seeing (instead of using counterspell, which is what he'd been waiting on this whole time). They promptly killed the bad guy. A bad guy who uses an area dispel magic around the room... including on all the explosive runes around the room, making the only real explosions in the entire battle.
- megaboss 5) "Hey, this boss has this weird weapon, I'mma break it!" - I ask: "Are you sure?" Reply: "Yes, absolutely." GM-voice: "Roll me a wisdom check." Result: "Fifteen!" GM-Concern: "Cool. Good. So, look, are you really, really sure you wanna do that? It really might not be a good idea." Player: "No, I'm definitely doing this. It's clearly important." Proceed to have a failure on every single check and repeatedly getting wounded, until rolling a double natural 20 and using almost every resource on self-buffing this one effect. It explodes.
The player's take away from all of this? "Why do all your bosses always use nova effects at the end of the battle to thwart all of our defenses and abilities? >:("
I have given them two; one of said novas hadn't even been noticed by the group because they saved so thoroughly. One had a constant aura that they knew about, but everyone crowded around into it. One had a very, very, very easy counter that they'd had on-hand the whole time and had stated they planned on using, but refused every time I suggested it until it couldn't do any good anymore.
I just don't know, guys. (In fairness, for megaboss 5, the non-intelligence-based character actually did try to roll a knowledge check; failed it, of course, but at least she tried. No one else did.)
I mean, they're fighting super-geniuses who know their weaknesses... but I'm also not actually altering their abilities.
They (often) know about weaknesses, tricks, and traps (or at least know there are some) well in advance.
Multiple times (not just in these boss fights) they have had the solution planned (which I've reminded them of) which they refuse to do.
Heck, in three of these boss fights (2, 3, and 5), they've had an item that can more-or-less one-shot the bosses (and was made for this purpose), but the guy who has it refuses to use it every time, until they've done the absolute most difficult slog of a battle against said boss. Then, when they're all out of other options and entirely exhausted, only then does he use the thing. And the last time he didn't even do that! Someone else had to steal his severed hand (where it was stored) and use it.
I mean, I've been a player before. I know it's easy to latch onto weird leaps of logic that don't actually make sense. But when the GM calls for wisdom checks and works at making sure you want to do an action, hinting that another might be better, it seems like that might be a give away. You know?
(It's still a great game, and I actually enjoy playing with them all most of the time, but it's a frustrating thing to be accused of targeting specific weaknesses in an unfair manner when I have actively worked to influence toward more successful and less-TPK-involving stratagems.)
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Not just my GM, but everyone else I know who played in one specific campaign:
If I even so much as mention the name "Groetus" in the context of a character concept, tasers and duct tape come out. Got a chair across the back for musing: "Maybe I'll play a cleric of Gr--"
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*looks up Groetus*
Cooooooooool
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Yeah... G's pretty awesome.
I wrote the entire campaign journal in the voice of the character--every entry ended with the phrase: "One day closer, one day gone."
Hmmm... Maybe I should stat out an orac--
*CHAIRWHACK*
...groooaaannn...
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I really want to play in a game with Quibble. That is officially added to my bucket list.
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You mean MLP-FIM Quibble? Any character that constantly tries to disbelieve everything, Will be quickly banned.
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Yeah... G's pretty awesome.
I wrote the entire campaign journal in the voice of the character--every entry ended with the phrase: "One day closer, one day gone."
Hmmm... Maybe I should stat out an orac--
*CHAIRWHACK*
...groooaaannn...
We had a really great Cleric of Groetus in a CotCT game I was part of in pbp. It can be done really well, but I can understand some players going OTT with the role. Needs the right sort of party to bounce off of as well, I expect.
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When I wash in college, I was told by the GM of an upcoming campaign that I was under no circumstances going to be permitted to play the standard chainmail bikini half-elf rogue I normally played. And this was to be a space game with no swords or chainmail in it anywhere. So I wrote up a character who was a dowdy astrophysicist, useful in the group as the one who can figure out the problems with her brain instead of her brawn. About two hours into our first session, there was some type of bizarre event (I forget what... a supernova caused by a warp core breach or vice versa or some crap like that, caused by the big bad who had been hiding on the ship) that caused both DNA and personality mutations in the entire crew, and the GM told me that I ripped off my shirt, shook my hair out of the bun, and was to improvise a weapon and start fighting the big bad. Now.
Everyone else in the group thought it was fricking hilarious.
Especially when I was told that, no, this wasn't the real campaign, it was just an elaborate joke. Now we were going to roll up our actual characters for the game that would start *next* session. I never wanted to play a standard-issue sex-kitten-fighter again.