Sumbody get that thar bacon on the hoof out from undah mah porch!
Aww naow he's eatin' ol' Grue's leavings down thar! That jest ain' right!
bacon!
rekkin.
ah'saed suh!
[Pets Babe behind the ears]
What a friendly pig! Are these hicks bothering you?
[Gets out cellphone and calls PETA]
Come back wif' mah breakfast!
Run, piggie, run!
We'll have to wait for Chrissie Hynde to save us!
Pshaw! She bettah work on savin' her carear foist!
[Fleet (?) of black PETA helicopters come flying over the hill, but instead of "The Ride of the Valkyries" blasting from their mounted speakers, it's "Brass in Pocket"]
It's da revenuers! Get out Ol' Shiloh!
Root cellar doors fly open and a large vintage cannon pokes snout out
Don' fire 'till you see the tofu in they's teeh!
Get down, piggie!
Squee?!
OINK! {runs around frantically accompanied by banjo music}
Howdy froggeh. Ah ain't seen yew round heer fer uh good spell.
Been chaseen' hippeh's off my lawn... but here ah' am!
Froggeh!
My little tadpole's come home to mammeh!
Circles the thread graciously without being hit by shrapnel or buckshot
*sssssssnap!*
slangshot
Oinkie Oinkie
Rummages through the family trash heap
Looks up and see the shot gun
RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Oink!
Dives under the trash heap
Lands on the family barn and surveys the family yard...
Ah' reckin'
Ayup
Sneaks across the yard after dark
Durn varmints everwhere but the stewpot!
*blam!*
Runs in every direction
Flies in every direction
Stays concealed under the trash heap
Ah wuntz me varmints on a stick!
Goes up a tree
Bbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......