As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.
These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.
Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.
I start your review with…
Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!
Review Breakdown:
Template: 5/5
Perfect template use! Wow this second half of the reviews are really showing the homework that has taken place.
Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.
Template Fu continues with his marathon watch of Heroes in his den, let’s not disturb him…
Readability: 5/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.
Passive Sentences 0% (wicked)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).
Flesch Reading Ease 57.3 (nice and easy to understand)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 10.6 (a little high, but not terribly so)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e.g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)
Me as a Designer Review: 4/5
Ok, as said in other threads, I start to read your item and the first power encountered is a bonus to X power. This would normally be yawns-worthy but it is saved by the fact that it is an enhancement that applies to allied creatures rather than the wearer.
That whole first section from the bonus to the speaking with animals for me should come after the treant power. This second power also would flow more naturally from the description of the item. Both powers are cool, but I think the second has the edge and with the natural flow from the description should have come first.
Everything else in the entry makes perfect sense to me, the bonus size, the durations and ranges, they are all a perfect and balanced fit.
As a repeat finalist, I’m going to be really mean and deduct one point for the ordering of your powers, because I haven’t yet met what I regard as the 100% perfect entry, but by golly you got very close with this one.
Overall Impression: 5/5
Perfect template, easy to scan. Yes, this is extremely well executed indeed.
You have set yourself a very high bar for the rest of the competition, and so I really look forward to your archetype!
Final Score: 24/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.
If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!
Closing, as I started…
Congratulations on being selected!