I heard that when Chuck Norris does push-ups...

[Galdor the Great]

...rather them push himself up, he pushes the Earth down. Is this true?

[seekerofshadowlight]

yes , yes it is

[Heathansson]

He's going to Hawaii for the Fourth.
If them North Koreans's shoot them taperdongs at us, he's gonna knock them out of the sky by pointing his index finger at them and saying "bang."

[The Dalesman]

And remember:

"Chuck Norris does not sleep - he waits."

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

[vagrant-poet]

Also,

Crop circles are just Chuck Norris' way of saying that, sometimes, corn needs to lie the f*&* down.

[Aberzombie]

Outer Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

[Dragonborn3]

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

[the DZA]

He once went to the Virgin Islands. Now they're just known as the Islands.

[Eyebite]

Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't even have a chin? Underneath that beard, there's just another fist.

[Cuchulainn]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, nothing can make Chuck Norris cry.

[Fake Healer]

I once saw Chuck Norris punch a cyclops between the eyes.....
I also watched him roundhouse kick a dude in the soul....

[DoveArrow]

I heard that Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's once because it was after 10:35. Apparently, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

[Ross Byers]

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

[Heathansson]

Chuck Norris is the Fourth Wise Man.
He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard."

[vagrant-poet]

Ross Byers wrote:

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Boo-yah! And plays D&D and WoW!

[Xabulba]

Chuck Norris has never been shot because the bullets are too afraid to hit him.

[Eyebite]

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill for a little bit.

[zylphryx]

Ross Byers wrote:

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

LMAO!!! That is CLASSIC!!!

+10 points to Ross!

[Cosmo]

Yeah... well... Not only did Billy Mays convince Chuck Norris to feel pain for the first time, he got him to take advantage of a LIMITED TIME OFFER AND DOUBLE (!!!) his order and made Mr. Norris pay extra shipping and handling.

[David Fryer]

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he keeps going until the ground gets tired.

Spoiler:

of looking at him.

[Xuttah]

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet. The lake gets Chuck Norris'ed.

[Silvereye]

*What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
*Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
*The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

[DoveArrow]

Cosmo wrote:

Yeah... well... Not only did Billy Mays convince Chuck Norris to feel pain for the first time, he got him to take advantage of a LIMITED TIME OFFER AND DOUBLE (!!!) his order and made Mr. Norris pay extra shipping and handling.

Billy Mays just died recently, didn't he?

The only death Chuck Norris knows is the death of others.

[Xabulba]

Chuck Norris had an awkward moment once just to see how it feels.

Chuck Norris punched a lion so hard it exploded into a dozen kittens.

[zylphryx]

Chuck Norris can make you bleed with his stare.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of death, Death is afraid of Chuck Norris.

[Galdor the Great]

Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

[therealthom]

Ross Byers wrote:

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

At least Vin thinks he can. Chuck Norris knows math.

[Aberzombie]

I once saw Chuck Norris slam a revolving door.

[the DZA]

Galdor the Great wrote:

Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

That thing that you mentioned which begins with an 'm' does not exist. :)

[Wellard]

Hunters in Canada thought they had captured Bigfoot..but it was only Chuck Norris with 48 hour stubble.

(hey is there an ORIGINAL Chuck Norris Joke that is still to be done)

[Celestial Healer]

Wellard wrote:

(hey is there an ORIGINAL Chuck Norris Joke that is still to be done)

I bought a book of them. There seems to be an endless supply.

[zylphryx]

Chuck Norris sees dead people ... if he sees you, you're dead.

[Polevoi]

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club

[David Fryer]

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

[David Fryer]

Chuck Norris wanted to see time fly, so he scared the clock.

[David Fryer]

Galdor the Great wrote:

Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

There are actually three parts to the Force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

[Eyebite]

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

[NASCAR Jack]

No he doesn't. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condem, because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

[Angel of Violence]

Chuck Norris traded his sould to the Devil to get his good looks and martial arts skills. Then he kicked the devil's ass and took his soul back.

[Xabulba]

Chuck Norris is the secret ingredient in Coca-Cola

[Kail'ar]

the one where Chuck Norris eats a bible while water skiing is hard to belive
the bible is three meals, breakfast, lunch and last super

but Chuck Norris can travel back in time.

[Pygon]

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He punches the books until they tell him what he wants to know.

[Lipto the Shiv]

Chuck Norris CAN in fact, drive 55. He doesn't however, because it's faster for him to walk.

[Xabulba]

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, unfortunately Chuck Norris never cries.

[Ross Byers]

Can Chuck Norris microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?

[Xabulba]

Ross Byers wrote:

Can Chuck Norris microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?

Chuck Norris never eats.

[Bruce Lee]

I killed Chuck Norris.

[Gene 95]

Bruce Lee wrote:

I killed Chuck Norris.

I heard you once killed a man by punching him from one atom away...

[R.J. MacReady]

Queried The Lord thy God:

Who art thou?

Thus spake Bruce Lee:

I AM

[Captain Trips]

Once, the illimitable Chuck Norris and the immortal Bruce Lee struck fists within a quanta of less than a quanta, and Chuck Lee was born...