I heard that when Chuck Norris does push-ups...


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...rather them push himself up, he pushes the Earth down. Is this true?


yes , yes it is

Liberty's Edge

He's going to Hawaii for the Fourth.
If them North Koreans's shoot them taperdongs at us, he's gonna knock them out of the sky by pointing his index finger at them and saying "bang."


And remember:

"Chuck Norris does not sleep - he waits."

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"


Also,

Crop circles are just Chuck Norris' way of saying that, sometimes, corn needs to lie the f@*~ down.

Scarab Sages

Outer Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Shadow Lodge

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.


He once went to the Virgin Islands. Now they're just known as the Islands.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32

Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't even have a chin? Underneath that beard, there's just another fist.

Liberty's Edge

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, nothing can make Chuck Norris cry.

The Exchange

I once saw Chuck Norris punch a cyclops between the eyes.....
I also watched him roundhouse kick a dude in the soul....


I heard that Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's once because it was after 10:35. Apparently, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Liberty's Edge

Chuck Norris is the Fourth Wise Man.
He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard."


Ross Byers wrote:
Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Boo-yah! And plays D&D and WoW!


Chuck Norris has never been shot because the bullets are too afraid to hit him.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill for a little bit.

Sovereign Court

Ross Byers wrote:
Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

LMAO!!! That is CLASSIC!!!

+10 points to Ross!

Paizo Employee Director of Sales

Yeah... well... Not only did Billy Mays convince Chuck Norris to feel pain for the first time, he got him to take advantage of a LIMITED TIME OFFER AND DOUBLE (!!!) his order and made Mr. Norris pay extra shipping and handling.

Dark Archive

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he keeps going until the ground gets tired.

Spoiler:
of looking at him.

Liberty's Edge

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet. The lake gets Chuck Norris'ed.


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*What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
*Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
*The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .


Cosmo wrote:
Yeah... well... Not only did Billy Mays convince Chuck Norris to feel pain for the first time, he got him to take advantage of a LIMITED TIME OFFER AND DOUBLE (!!!) his order and made Mr. Norris pay extra shipping and handling.

Billy Mays just died recently, didn't he?

The only death Chuck Norris knows is the death of others.


Chuck Norris had an awkward moment once just to see how it feels.

Chuck Norris punched a lion so hard it exploded into a dozen kittens.

Sovereign Court

Chuck Norris can make you bleed with his stare.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of death, Death is afraid of Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.


Ross Byers wrote:
Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

At least Vin thinks he can. Chuck Norris knows math.

Scarab Sages

I once saw Chuck Norris slam a revolving door.


Galdor the Great wrote:
Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

That thing that you mentioned which begins with an 'm' does not exist. :)

Sovereign Court

Hunters in Canada thought they had captured Bigfoot..but it was only Chuck Norris with 48 hour stubble.

(hey is there an ORIGINAL Chuck Norris Joke that is still to be done)

Silver Crusade

Wellard wrote:
(hey is there an ORIGINAL Chuck Norris Joke that is still to be done)

I bought a book of them. There seems to be an endless supply.

Sovereign Court

Chuck Norris sees dead people ... if he sees you, you're dead.


Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club

Dark Archive

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Dark Archive

Chuck Norris wanted to see time fly, so he scared the clock.

Dark Archive

Galdor the Great wrote:
Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

There are actually three parts to the Force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Shadow Lodge

No he doesn't. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condem, because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

The Exchange

Chuck Norris traded his sould to the Devil to get his good looks and martial arts skills. Then he kicked the devil's ass and took his soul back.


Chuck Norris is the secret ingredient in Coca-Cola


the one where Chuck Norris eats a bible while water skiing is hard to belive
the bible is three meals, breakfast, lunch and last super

but Chuck Norris can travel back in time.

Liberty's Edge

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He punches the books until they tell him what he wants to know.


Chuck Norris CAN in fact, drive 55. He doesn't however, because it's faster for him to walk.


Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, unfortunately Chuck Norris never cries.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32

Can Chuck Norris microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?


Ross Byers wrote:
Can Chuck Norris microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?

Chuck Norris never eats.


I killed Chuck Norris.

Liberty's Edge

Bruce Lee wrote:
I killed Chuck Norris.

I heard you once killed a man by punching him from one atom away...


Queried The Lord thy God:

Who art thou?

Thus spake Bruce Lee:

I AM

Dark Archive

Once, the illimitable Chuck Norris and the immortal Bruce Lee struck fists within a quanta of less than a quanta, and Chuck Lee was born...

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